My Reub-mate: Episode 0
It was early September, the sun glistening on the leaves as I prepared myself for college. I had signed up for a dorm, but I had no idea who my roommate would be. All I knew is this was the only option. I went up to the main lobby to retrieve my key. 

As I walked to my room, a dance of excitement and fear coursed through my body, telling me “You don’t know what’s behind that door. Be prepared.” A voice I actively ignored, since dealing with those emotions hadn’t been my strong suit. I approached the door marked “25”, took a deep breath, and gave it a light knock. A voice called out from inside.

“Oh, my new roommate!” The voice bellowed, followed by some light clattering noises. “Come on in!” 

I really wanted to feel regret and fear for doing this whole thing, but I kept telling myself “It’s all okay. It’s all okay. Everything’s fine.” I opened the door, and to my surprise, nobody was there. Ok, now I was freaking out inside. What if they’re a prankster and are going to sneak up and scare the piss out of me? 

“Hello?” I called out. “I heard a voice saying I could come in!” 

“You heard right, buddy!” Spoke the voice. 

I looked around to see who could’ve said that, only to be interrupted with 

“I’m down here, fella.” 

I looked down, thinking my roommate was a little person… oh how I wished I were right. Instead, I saw a furry, yellow creature bearing somewhat of a resemblance to a koala.

“It’s me!!!” The creature cried out! “Don’tcha recognize me?” 

“Uhhh…” I was in awe. 

“Experiment 625?” He said. “Reuben? From the Lilo & Stitch franchise?” 

I was speechless. A fucking cartoon character. Living with me.

“Ok… I take it you didn’t hear about the news? Some guy made cartoon characters come to life, and here I am. I’d be happy to answer any questions.” Reuben explained.

“How did you come to life? Why are you here of all places? How long have you been here?” I asked frantically.

“Don’t know HOW I came to life. One day, I was just knocked outta the TV. Somebody in this room was watching my show, and they ran away screaming. This all happened back in 2011. You should’ve been there, it was amazing. Too bad it lasted like, 3 hours! Then they all got put back.” 

“Then… how are you still here?”

“Oh! That… uhhh… I don’t rightly know! Plot convenience?” 

I was still having trouble grasping what really happened, so I simply fainted. Several hours later, I awoke on a couch in a daze. Thinking it was just a bad dream. This was not a dream at all.

“Oh, good. You’re not dead.” Reuben said. “I made you some lunch if you’re hungry.” 

I jumped, I really was living with an animated character now. I couldn’t believe it. My heart was racing. 

“Listen, if you’re still worried about the whole ‘me being s cartoon’ thing, relax! I’ve had about a decade of experience with real life. I’m very down to earth.” Reuben assured me.

“You’re real… you’re actually real.” I said, astonished. 

“Indeed. Now, I hope you like sandwiches because that’s the one thing I’m really good at.” 

I was no stranger to culinary expertise, but only making sandwiches? Seemed a bit odd. 

“Sandwiches?” I wanted to confirm.

“Yes! From PB&J with the crust cut off to full-blown muffulettas. And everything in between.” 

“Okay… Make me a reuben, Reuben.” 

A few hours later, Reuben presented to me, an actual reuben sandwich. I took a bite, thinking it would be just okay, but this was amazing! I took several big bites in a row, smacking my lips with such passion. 

“How is this so tasty?” 

“Boy, you sure ask a lotta questions. I’m a cartoon, everything in cartoons looks tasty!” Reuben said.

“Sorry, I’m just so… not used to fantasy meeting reality.” 

“You learn to ignore it. Anyways, feel free to make yourself something if you don’t want it stuffed between bread.” 

I watched Reuben walk away, and kept staring at him. I wasn’t sure if I was just zoning out, or intrigued by his physique… but something about him made me not want to look away. 
Later that night, I was making myself some salisbury steak, while Reuben was preparing a comically large, triple-decker BLT. While my meal was microwaving, Reuben was chopping up a head of iceberg lettuce and slicing some tomato while the bacon fried. He really was good at this stuff. Like watching those cooking videos online. While I was staring at him some more, the microwave beeped.

“Dinner’s ready, by the way.” Said the portley yellow alien.

“Oh! Sorry, I uhh didn’t notice.” I said. 

“Wanna eat together?” Reuben asked. 

“Uhh, sure.” 

We both sat down on the couch, and turned the TV on to something live-action as per my request. As I was chowing down on my freezer-meal, Reuben managed to shove the entirety of his sandwich down his gullet in one fell swoop. Watching him do that made me feel weird. Some would call it “oddly satisfying.” My gawking would soon be interrupted, however.

“Hey, kid. You’re staring again. Here’s a little somethin’ for ya. UUUUUUUURRRRRPPP!!!!!!” Reuben let out a very powerful burp directly in my face. 

I didn’t think etiquette would be included in “things Reuben wasn’t good at” but who am I to judge. After all, he was only trying to snap me back to reality. It only barely worked, though, as his burp made me feel really dizzy. I couldn’t help but close my eyes. 

The next day, I woke up, and I was no longer in the living room. I was in a bedroom, and next to me was Reuben. Which was weird because I don’t ever remember anyone saying we were going to sleep together like lovers.

I jumped at the sight, wondering what the hell happened last night. The last thing I remember was Reuben burping in my face, and it knocking me out. Wait, I think I remembered something else, too. I remember feeling like my hairs were standing on end, like someone rubbed a balloon against them. 

I was scared beyond comprehension, I was having a panic attack. My breathing turning labored, starting to feel light-headed. This paranoia inevitably woke up Reuben. 

“Ohhh, babe. You’re doing it again…” Reuben said in a suspiciously calming voice. 

“Babe?” I said, getting out of the bed. “What are you talking about, Reub…” before I could finish, I actually fell off the bed, as if I were half- no, a third of my height. 

“Stitchy-poo, come on~ look at me. I’m here for you.” Reuben continued speaking in a “soothing” voice. “It’s all gonna be ok. It’s all gonna be ok.” 

Calling me “Stitchy-poo?” Being too short to get off the bed? I hoped this wasn’t what it would turn out to be. I ran off to the closest thing with a reflection I could find, and my heart sank to find out that… I became Stitch. 

“There, you’re all safe now. It was just a night terror. Why don’t you get back to bed and I’ll make you some breakfast sandwiches.” Reuben said, before planting a kiss on my nose.

“Uhh, Reuben?” I asked. 

“Yeah, Stitch?” 

“What do you remember from last night?” 

“Oh, it was just a normal day, I made one of my BLT^3, why? You want that?” 

“Nah…” I looked in the end-table drawer next to me, and found my wallet. But it wasn’t like the one I had before. It was bigger, and it had one of those photo-reels in it. Me & Reuben were… bonding? The pictures consisted of us riding on a ferris wheel, sunbathing on the beach with Reuben facing away from the camera, and him serving me a grilled cheese with a heart branded on the bread.

“Any… guests? Visitors? Anyone else visit last night?

“Mmmm nope. Is that what you were dreaming about?” 

“Yea- wait. Was it a dream? It felt so real...” 

“Man, your night terrors really fucked you up this time. Don’t worry, I’ve got something in mind to bring you back.” 

Was it really a dream? The college? The characters coming to life in 2011? Me being a person? It all felt so… real. Anything that happened before the “dream” started was… nonexistent. Reuben burped on me and that… woke me up? 

“Hey Reuben? Do you burp in your sleep?” I asked.

“A lot. Sorry… did I wake you up babe? I know you love them but I didn’t mean to do it that time.” 

Wait, now he was going on about me loving his burps? I don’t remember that being a thing. Although, the burp I remember did feel and smell a bit nice. I tried thinking of other memories, but they all involved Reuben somehow. Before I could question them, Reuben called out saying my breakfast was ready. 

Before me was a french toast sandwich with bacon. And on Reuben’s side, a chicken-and-waffle sandwich. One thing I can definitely say was that his skill with sandwiches remained intact. 

“You’ve barely touched your sandwich, honey.” Reuben said.

“Oh, that. Well, I dunno… I just, I haven’t been feeling like myself since last night.” 

“You mean this morning. Your dream took place yesterday evening apparently.” 

“You burped on me, I felt dizzy but good, and I woke up and didn’t know what was going on.” 

“Yeah, sounds like one of your night terrors. If you want, I can get you a night light, I’ll wear a sleep mask.” 

“My memory seems… backed up. Not like a computer, but like a toilet. Like something is clogging it up.” 

“I think I know how to solve that. Could you come here please?” 

I went over to Reuben’s side of the table, and bent over. To mu surprise, Reuben let out a big fart right on my face. 

*FRRRRBBBBTTT* 

“There, is that clearing your mind?” 

The stench was overwhelming. And yet, I loved it. The eggy, meaty odor radiating from his butt made things clearer. 

“Oh, OH YES! I remember everything now, I’m so sorry I forgot about us, babe!” 

I leaned in for a kiss with my boyfriend, who briefly locked lips with me, even though I still had some fart on me. 

“Mmm, you taste like French toast and ass. Two of my favorite things.” Reuben said. 

From that day forward, we’d continue our lives normally, being a cute couple who has a passion for bodily odors when intimate. 

“So, Reuben. What’s on the agenda for today?” 

“Well…”