Berdly stars in..
“Bird Brained” ft. Susie
2.2k words
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        “I thought you agreed to be my partner on the next project!” Berdly sighed in frustration as Noelle stared down at her desk. He’d sat back while everyone else in class had partnered up, feeling secure in the knowledge that the second smartest student in class would be working with him.


        “Sorry,” Noelle muttered, twiddling her thumbs awkwardly. “I know I promised, but Ms. Alphys wanted to split us up so we could help some of the students who are struggling. She told us about it yesterday, but I guess you weren’t paying attention. I’m going to partner with Kris, and you’ll be working with-”


        The shy deer’s sentence was interrupted by the sound of the classroom’s door flying open and crashing against the wall, causing the entire class to turn and stare as Susie stalked her way into the classroom. Berdly groaned internally, already anticipating how frustrating it would be to work with someone so intellectually inferior. He walked over to the purple monster, intending to set the ground rules for their collaboration, but she ignored him, plopping down in her chair and kicking up her feet. 


        After a few minutes of awkward silence, their teacher made her way to the chalkboard to begin the class. Or, she intended to. Once she actually made it there, Alphys realized that something important was missing.


        “Uh… H-has anyone seen the chalk? This is the third time it's gone missing  and you all know I can't start class without some!” She was met with a stony silence, as most of the students refused to make eye contact. 


“H-how about this ?  If no one speaks up, everyone gets in trouble! Anyone? Please?” The awkwardness continued to grow, with no one willing to break the silence until Noelle quietly cleared her throat. 


“Hey, there might be a box in the supply closet. Miss Alphys, why don't Susie and I-” the deer was once again cut off.


“Good idea, Noelle! Susie, since you came in last, why don’t you go get it for me?” If looks could kill, their teacher would have dropped dead on the spot. After a moment of glaring daggers, Susie muttered something under her breath as she stomped back across the room and out into the hallway. Alphys stared after her anxiously, scratching her head in thought before turning to face the blue bird.


“And B… Berdly… Can you go with her and make sure she actually gets it? And stays out of trouble...?” Berdly nodded, following Susie out of the classroom with a sigh. Having the delinquent monster as his partner was already proving to be just as annoying as he suspected. 


As he stepped into the hall and pulled the door closed, he turned to face Susie just as the monster popped a stick of chalk into her mouth and chomped down on it. He rolled his eyes as he walked down the hall, freezing in place when Susie suddenly whipped around to face him. 


“Hey, bird brain,” Susie said with a smirk, stalking back down the hallway towards the flustered bird. This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. Instead of seeming embarrassed, or angry, Susie looked uncharacteristically amused. 


“I was sent to help you get the chalk. I suppose Ms. Alphys didn’t think you were smart enough to figure it out on your own.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Susie’s eyes narrowed, but Berdly was unfazed. When he spoke to his other classmates that way, most of them just rolled their eyes, so he didn’t really think anything of it.


“Is that so?” Susie questioned, continuing to slowly back the bird up against the wall. “I guess it makes sense. How could an idiot like me manage to open a closet door without the assistance of our resident super-genius?”


“I guess you couldn’t,” Berdly replied, his usual smug tone coming out in full force. He wasn’t able to recognize the odd gleam in Susie’s eyes, and didn’t quite understand how much trouble he was in. “That’s why we’re project partners. Maybe you’ll actually learn something for once.”


No one else would have dared to speak to Susie that way, but Berdly wasn’t like anyone else. The monster might have been physically intimidating, but Berdly didn’t think she was stupid enough to try anything right in front of the hall security camera. Clearly, though, he thought she was close. 


“You know what, bird brain?” Susie replied, leaning over the shorter bird as she rummaged for something in her bag. “I’m sick of your attitude. Everyone is.” Berdly just stood there, maintaining the same superior smirk as he glanced up at the camera lens. “Always acting like you’re so much smarter than everyone.”


“Because I am,” Berdly grinned, pulling out his report card. He enjoyed showing off his straight A’s, so he nearly always had a copy on him. “So why don’t we just get that chalk and then start on our project. I don’t want you to hold me back any more than you’re already going to.” 


“I know the rest of the class hate me,” Susie said, pulling something from her bag and holding it behind her back. “But they’re not fans of yours either. You’d be a lot more popular if you were as stupid as the rest of us. Or stupider.”


“True, everyone in class is jealous of my intellect,” Berdly said, the same shit-eating grin on his face. “But I’d rather be a genius on my own than join the rest of the moronic rabble.” He started to walk around the larger monster on his way to the closet, figuring that he’d better grab the chalk himself. As soon as he made his first step, however, Susie chuckled, before pulling out the item she’d concealed and slamming it down on Berdly’s head. 


The green, cone-shaped hat immediately latched onto the bird’s head, messing up his carefully arranged blue feathers, and caused him to stop in his tracks. His report card fell from his hand and fluttered to the ground, and Susie started to laugh.


“You’d rather be smart than have friends?” she smirked, taking another unusual garment from her bag. She started to unbutton the bird’s clothes, then changed her mind and simply shredded the fabric to pieces. “How about neither, dumbass?” The green cap started to pulse with a strange light, with the bird’s eyes soon glowing in the same shade. Susie chuckled to herself as she disposed of the remains of the bird’s clothes before getting to work. 


“For once, going to class is actually gonna be worth it.”


Susie walked back into the classroom casually, returning to her desk and putting her feet up once more before pulling out her phone. If things went according to plan, she’d have quite a show to record. 


“S-Susie?” Alphys questioned nervously. “What happened to Berdly?” The purple monster smirked, taking a moment to yawn before replying.


“We already finished our project, he’s just getting ready to present it to the class.” Alphys, as well as the rest of the students, were caught off guard by Susie’s words, prompting an explosion of muttered conversations. After a minute or so, the door creaked back open, and Berdly stumbled in.


The bird’s appearance caused the room to fall silent with shock, no one able to come up with the words to say as he made his way up to the chalkboard. 


“Berdly?” Noelle exclaimed, breaking the silence. The bird just chuckled, pushing his glasses back up before taking a piece of chalk in hand. 


Every stitch of the clothing he’d worn to school that day had vanished, exposing his scrawny body as well as his vibrant blue feathers to the entire class. In their place were two new garments, equally eye-catching and confusing.


The pointed cap he wore certainly drew attention first, given that it pulsed with a mesmerizing green light, which only seemed to intensify as more time passed. The repeated pattern of light was mirrored by the bird’s eyes, now dull and glassy, and the energy was so distracting that it took a moment for anyone to notice the lettering.


“D…U…N…C…E,” said Tem, confused by the unfamiliar word. “What does that spell?”


“It spells smart!” Berdly smirked, looking at the dog with a patronizing expression. “D-U-N-C-E means smart, because I’m a very smart bird. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that five whole letters is too complicated for most of you to understand.” Before any of them could respond, the silence was broken again by an earth-shaking fart that blasted out of the bird’s ass, causing him to giggle.


Aside from causing a disgusting odor to spread throughout the room, the gas had the added effect of drawing everyone’s attention to the second piece of “clothing” that Birdly was wearing. His crotch was completely enveloped by some sort of thick, soft material, white and pink and speckled with polka dots. As he shifted his weight and prepared to write on the board, the sudden crinkling noise that accompanied the motion clued the students in to what he was wearing.
.
“I-is that a diaper?” Alphys asked in shock, just as unnerved as her students. In response, Berdly grinned, sticking out his padded rump and shaking it back and forth.
“Obviously it is,” he replied smugly, rubbing his rear against the wall. “When you’re as smart as me, it only makes sense to wear one. I’m much too intelligent to waste time taking potty breaks.” As if to prove his point, the bird relaxed the muscles in his groin, noisily pissing himself in front of everyone. His padding immediately started to swell, but Berdly didn’t miss a beat as he continued talking. 


“You’re all so dumb that you’re just as useful on a toilet as you are in a classroom. I gotta be able to make my squishies and stinkies without interruptin’ my thinkies!” No one knew what to say to that, except for Susie, who just started to laugh as she continued recording Berdly’s actions.


“Now, me and Susie’s project is about mathemat…mathemematic…” Berdly trailed off in thought, scratching his head with the stick of chalk as he struggled to remember. “It’s about numbuhs!” He grinned, the momentary lapse over, turning to write on the board. 


“Susie said I’m such a smarty birdy that my project should be helping everyone learn, so we’re gonna start with easy stuff.” He wrote out the equation ‘1 + 1’ on the board, before turning to the class, several of whom noticed that the glowing of his hat and eyes was continuing to intensify. “Imma do this one so you can see, but then you’re gonna do them.”


Berdly turned back and lifted the chalk in order to write the answer, when he found himself once again struggling to think. As he sat there, he let out another massive fart, and unconsciously squatted down. His classmates watched in shock as the bird grunted loudly, pushing a massive load of shit into the seat of his diaper. He remained in that position for a moment, noisily packing his padding as he tried to solve his own equation. His glasses fell from his face, but it seemed as though he didn’t even notice.


“Gottit!” he suddenly chirped, standing back up. “Stinkies help my thinkies,” he explained, turning to the board once more. “Wun plus wun is siggsdynine,” Berdly giggled, farting once more as finished writing and stuffed the stick of chalk in his mouth. “Now you do it!” Satisfied with his performance, the bird happily plopped down into his own mess, happily squishing his padding around as he gnawed on the chalk. The cap, also seemingly satisfied with the results, ceased to glow and released its grip on the bird’s head, tumbling to the ground. 


Alphys stared in horror at her star student as he continued to play with his own mess, completely at a loss. The rest of the bird’s classmates, however, slowly got over their shock and joined Susie as she continued to laugh at the stupid bird, many of them getting out their own phones to document the occasion. 


As the amount of cameras pointed at the bird increased, further cementing the destruction of both his reputation and future, Berdly simply took a break from groping his own padding to attempt to suck on his own toes. He was used to the attention, after all. 


“Hey, bird brain!” Susie shouted, loud enough to catch the idiot’s attention. “Put this on, and smile for the camera!” She tossed a green piece of fabric at the bird, who happily grabbed it and tied it around his neck. The bib, which Berdly wore without hesitation, was the same green as the now-discarded cap, and had letters in the same font. 


"C-L-A-S-S-B-A-B-Y," Susie smirked, zooming in on the bird's sagging diaper. "What's that spell, bird brain?"


Berdly stared back blankly, the quiet punctuated by yet another fart. "Stinky bird!" he finally said, his voice distorted by the chalk in his mouth, smiling at the purple monster with glee. 


"Pretty much," Susie replied, ending her recording and quickly posting the file online. The room was filled only by the crinking and squishing of Berdly's diaper as he began to crawl around the floor. 


"So, Teach, do I get an A or what?"