| " | \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tPhew, what a dream. The Trunk got into a protracted battle with a Hive World and barely escaped into the shadow of a planet they didn't have on their map. When they got out, they were greeted by a large, stoic crab-like race whose shells were made of crystals and rock. They introduced themselves as the Groterans, natives of this planet and none too welcoming to outsiders. Their leader, large even among them, began questioning Captain Kusemurai, who tried his best to remember the rules from that diplomatic relations booklet the Federation gave him and most of all *stall for time* so they could get out of there. `1. Do not initiate talks without a representative.` [Cpt. Kusemurai backslapping the Chief Overseer and wincing from the pain privately] `2. Do not exchange food, it may be toxic to one or more participants.` [Their ship AI suggests rock candy. The Groterans think it's nice but too soft. Pleione comes with a shirt full of jawbreakers; they like it a lot more! Buuut if only it were crunchier. Their resident virus sarcastically blasts open a fridge and launches a year-old fruitcake from the back of it straight into one of their mouths. The loudest concrete-breaking crunching known to man is heard. "NOW THIS IS FOOD! Ooh, my tooth..."] `3. Do not exchange culture without an approved representative. It may be offensive.` [A Groteran waves them off. "Your music is too soft." KG tunes his guitar. "Not this time!" Loud guitar wailing makes the Groteran stiffen in shock. "It's called Hard Rock!" More Groterans gather. "HARD ROCK! HARD ROCK! HARD ROCK!"] `4. Do not fraternise.` [Groterans watch the sexbots perform on stage, mollified by the display. A female Groteran begins clapping her rock-like ass up on stage with them, Snap yells "WOOOOO!!!"] `5. Do not exchange scientific materials without prior authorization.` [Milo smashes a phial of pink liquid over the female Groteran, her rocky exterior becomes pliable. She and Snap exchange eyebrow waggles, smashcut to him getting smashed. The male Groterans line up for a hit.] `6. Do not engage in dangerous sport.` [Siege fires off personal weaponry on a range, blowing the hell out of a rocky hill. The shocked Groterans stand gobsmacked... then cheer raucously "AGAIN!" "LET ME HAVE A TURN!"] `7. Do not introduce any other foreign alien elements to them.` [Gwendolyn rollerskates for one of them, showing how fun it is! A female Groteran attempts to stand on skates, and flattens them, looking disappointed. Lei has a bright idea and covers the Groteran, who now skates on her trail of slime with not a care in the world.] `8. Finally, do not assume untoward familiarity with officials.` [Smashcut to the Chief Overseer, now drunk on fruitcake and rubberized and having had a blast, pulling Nori into his bedchambers.] Finally, the next morning, Cpt. Kusemurai wakes up and realizes, *Ohhhhh shit I broke every single rule.* He creeps his way onto his ship, trying to pack everything up, when the projection of Alexandra appears, glowering at him. "OH!! F-... Fleet Admiral!! H-... Heyyyy, hi, I- you're looking great today...! Have I ever told you-... ah..." He sweats. "*Listen I can explain.*" "*Don't. Bother.* I know everything." He grimaces. "*Oooooh* ohhhh noooo... l-listen I *tried* to stall for time, there wasn't a representative within any kind of distance, I really didn't do it on purpose this time, it was a-" Laughter. "Oh we're... we're laughing! Oh that's *so much more worrying.*" "You think I'm upset. Well. I am, I suppose. Now I *have* to grant all your stupid official requests or I'll look like an arse." "... What's happening." "We're securing an alliance with the Groterans. Every envoy we sent before this was rebuffed. We assumed it was because the Groterans are stoic. It turns out they just wanted someone who could party as hard as they can. Good job, idiot, you fixed it! Fleet Admiral out."\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t