Edward WardenThe day my life changedby
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<- - - - - - - -// Careful What you ask For \\\\- - - - - - - ->
The screams filled my own ears. They still seem alien and frightening to me, even after months. But, as I wake, I remember that the screams are my own. No words, no form, just feral, monsterous wails of agony and terror. There is nothing more I can do now, and she made it clear why she did this to me. When I close my eyes, I can still see her face, the cold, heartless look in her eyes. She saw me as nothing more than a feral animal, or so I thought back then.
I don't sleep much anymore. And when I do, I always relive that night. The small mouse girl, the moose with the gun. When I look back on it now, I wish she had shot me. The anger, the pure rage in her eyes still burns in my memory. She wanted to kill me, to kill both of us. But the real monster stopped her.
The gunshots that first rang out I was sure had been from the Moose. But, instead, it was a shadowy figure in the doorway. She told the moose to take the girl and leave. That was the moment my torment began. Three shots rang out, all into Andrew's chest. At that point everyone ran. I was alone, my pants unfastened, my cock out and ready. I remember just how hard I was. I didn't understand then, why she shot him first. It was obvious I was the one that was going to rape the girl. I begged her, ``Don't Kill me, Please, don't kill me.'' I didn't know that was the worst thing I could have asked for. No one thinks about what life can be like when you're on the brink of death. All you know is you want to live.
``I'm not going to kill you, that would be far too kind,'' her eyes were filled with a cold rage. That white chinchilla was the most frightening thing I have ever seen. I backed away as she put the gun away and pulled out a knife. ``You have no idea what you've done.'' Then she rushed me and it all went dark.
All I remember before waking up in the E.R. was that calm soft voice, the blindfold, and the pinch and tugs at my fur. ``She brought him back to me, and you thought you could just take her away. I owe her more than that. You want to live? You'll know what she felt. Helpless, unable to move or fight back ever again.'' That was when I felt the cutting begin. ``You'll never even be able to put your pain into real words, ever again. Don't worry, it'll only hurt at first.'' My own words echoed in my ears, and a revelation of just how frightening they can be.
<- - - - - - - -// Waking up \\\\- - - - - - - ->
The first time I heard my own screams terrified me. The monstrous sound was horrifying, Like nothing I had ever heard. I wanted to run, but I couldn't move. I opened my eyes to see my own lifeless body stretched out on a hospital bed. Nothing worked, I couldn't move my arms, my legs, anything. I could barely move my head Nurses ran in, and tried to calm me down, but all I could do was scream. I watched helplessly as they injected something into the I.V. in my arm, and everything went hazy and faded around me. My drug addled mind ran rampant in the half sleep state I was in. Had she really somehome put me in that mouse's body? could she really have done this to show me what it was like? It was the first time I questioned which one of us was really the monster.
Somewhere, between reliving half-remembered moments, and fits of pain as the medication wore off, I could hear and almost understand what was said around me. I remember clearly, one day when I think the police told my parents what they thought happened. ``It looks like it was drug related. Your son has been picked up several times for possession and intent to distribute. We believe that the new boss in town decided to use him as an example to the others. But, we have no evidence to tie him to the case. What was done to your son is professional work. Almost surgical, minimal damage with maximum effect. One thing is certain, whoever did this wanted him to live through it. The EMTs that responded to the call stated that when they arrived, he was already bandaged and stabilized for transport.'' I didn't understand what they were talking about at the time.
That was months ago. They say there is nothing they can do for me now. My Spinal cord was severed, which turned me into a quadriplegic. My throat was cut, causing only enough damage to my Larynx to ensure I would never speak again. And my tongue was removed and cauterized. She had done exactly what she said she would. I was l helpless, just like that little mouse girl.
<- - - - - - - -// Torment \\\\- - - - - - - ->
My parents love me, they love me too much to let me die. And most mornings I wish they didn't. That Chinchilla showed me just what mercy was, and letting me live, like this, was not it. Every day I am reminded of all the girls I had drugged and raped. I now see their faces when I close my eyes. I know now what they must have felt. I often wonder how much they remember of what happened. was it like in the hospital with only the fringes of reality in a hazey mess, or was it clear and crystal like my waking life now?
In the beginning I often thought I would see the Chinchilla at the hospital, just walking by and looking in on me. There was nothing I would do, no way to tell anyone. Sometimes I wonder if she was even real. But then I saw her, I saw them all. It was a press conference for that new children's home. There she was, that small mouse, at a podium, confident , smiling, and surrounded by the most terrifying nightmare I could imagine. All I could do was wail unintelligibly.
I know that hell exists, as do demons and angels. But it's nothing like what you see on TV or in movies. They walk among us, they look like everyone else. They are friends to some, angels to others, but god forbid, you ever see them as the deamons they are. If you do, pray for mercy, and beg them to just kill you, because life isn't always the better option.
<- - - - - - - -// Some time you have to be the devil \\\\- - - - - - - ->
``Susan, What happened?'' the otter asked as the chinchilla stood in the dark back hall of the house, blood dripping from her white fur. ``Are you hurt?''
``I took care of it,'' she responded coldly, ``He'll never hurt anyone again.''
``Did you? You didn?t...'' Hank trailed off as he grabbed her by the shoulder.
``You know what we said we would do if anyone hurt our kids? Cecily is the closest thing we have right now. You didn't see her. You didn't see what I almost let Daisy do. But I couldn't let her. She doesn't need to be part of that,'' she looked him in the eyes as she added, ``And death was too good for him.'' She then collapsed to her knees on the floor in front of him. ``I'm a monster. No sane person could do what I did.''
Hank nealt down with her and wrapped his arms around her, ``We're all monsters here. And any of us would have done the same thing, I'm sure of it.'' He then swept her up in his arms, ``Now let?s get you cleaned up, there's a girl that will always see you as one of her angels upstairs in need of you.''
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