Sitting in the kitchen on his own chair Leonardo was enjoying his morning tea when Margaret entered the room, tying her apron behind her back as good as she could with her injured hand.

“Good morning, ma – aaahhh! My God, my Lord! What has happened to you!?”

Old woman hurried Leonardo’s side, squatting down as she took closer look of Leonardo’s pale face, dark circles under his eyes, eye lids slightly swollen and bloodshot eyes. He looked so horrible! Margaret had never seen him like this!

Leonardo gave her small smile, patting her hand gently.

“Good morning, Margaret. Slept well?”

“Obviously I have unlike you. What happened?” There was real concern in her voice and eyes.

“Nothing what I couldn’t handle. Don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry?” Old woman snorted as she stood up, crossing her arms gently over her chest, keeping strict eyes on her master. “I cannot be like I just wouldn’t had seen you look like a zombie. Something obviously has happened.”

Leonardo remained quiet, keeping his tired and burning eyes on his tea. Margaret stood there silently and still her own time, finally dropping her arms with deep exhale.

“Look, Leonardo, I’m merely worried about your well-being. I have never seen you like this. You didn’t sleep at all?”

“… No.”

“Why?”

Lack of sleep caused turtle to growl, snapping at her. “It’s none of your business, Margaret!”

The pair stared one another, Leonardo being tired and angry, Margaret being all calm and steady. Leonardo had snapped at her in the past few times, but Margaret was tough. She wasn’t scared so easily. On top of that she knew the turtle would only “bark”, but not “bite” her.

“Your well-being IS my business, Leonardo. YOU hired me to take care of this house and since you own this house, it’s also my business to take care of YOU.”

Another moment of silence passed between human and turtle before Leonardo finally decided to spoke.

“I just couldn’t sleep. Too many vivid nightmares, that’s all.”

A lie. Margaret knew it. He just wanted to get rid of her. Fine. She would back away for now.

“I see. Then I suggest you go back to bed after your tea. I don’t want any of the girls see you like this. You would cause them nightmares.”

Part of Leonardo wanted to laugh, but part of him also felt hurt. He knew he looked horrible. Turning to look older woman Leonardo sighed softly after finishing his tea, getting up. “Tell them I’m sick and that I should not be disturbed.”

“I will make sure none will come to disturb your rest, my lord.”

Leonardo only nodded as he left, heading upstairs. As he walked forward he wondered should he check on Raphael. Leonardo remembered other turtle saying he would try to get some more sleep...

No. He wouldn’t go disturb Raphael’s sleep. He’d done that already during the night.

Hiding in his room Leonardo undressed himself from his clothes, laying on the bed, staring the ceiling. His eyes were killing him. The sting and burn wouldn’t leave them even if he closed his eyes. And when he closed his eyes, it was all black but… He could hear the sound of electricity sparkling above his head.

Snapping his eyes open he was panting, sweating, swallowing repeatedly. Damn it. Turning to his side Leonardo closed his eyes once more, focusing on happy thoughts. Those thoughts took him back to his younger days when he had met Margaret and how she instantly had sneaked in turtle’s heart. He knew he wanted to have her around the rest of their lives. She was such loving soul.

Those memories helped Leonardo fall asleep.

**

When Raphael made his way into the kitchen he saw everyone around the table – except the chair at the end of the table was empty.

“Where’s Leo?”

“He’s resting.” Margaret stated calmly as she filled the plates for the girls. “He said he felt sick so I forced him back to bed. It will do him no good to work while being sick.”

Raphael wasn’t stupid. He instantly knew what it all was about, but when he took fast look about the girls sitting in line on both sides at the table, Raphael knew they didn’t know the truth. This was all to cover Leonardo’s shell. It was fine by him.

Sitting on his place Raphael waited girls to be served first before he accepted the plate from Margaret with thanks. Silence and eating sounds filled the dining area across the kitchen until Maggie couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“Master is really sick?”

“Yes.” Margaret stated between eating.

Maggie was silent as she eyed others who didn’t seem to have the same thoughts or concern what she had.

“Is… Is it serious?” She finally asked, causing everyone to stop eating, stare her with wide eyes.

“W-what are you talking about?”

Maggie swallowed while lowering her fork and knife. “I saw him this morning when he was heading to his room. I was going to get out of my room when I heard steps and saw him.” Looking up she looked at other girls and then Margaret.

“He looked horrible...”

“Yes. I know.” Margaret stated calmly.

“Where are you getting at with all this?” Lucy asked, Cherry demanding answers by her side.

“Haven’t any of you think about this? Master is never sick, ever. Now he was pale like if life was about to leave him at any second with bloodshot eyes.” Turning her worried eyes on their teacher Maggie held back her tears.

“Does he have a cancer or something what he no longer can’t hide from us?”

Girls around the table gasped out loud, shock and horror filling their minds. What if Leonardo was really seriously sick without them knowing about it?! Now all girls, in panic, demanded to have answers from Margaret, yelling out more and more horrible ‘what ifs’.

“Enough!” His loud voice, with hands slamming against the table, was enough to settle girls down and shut them up. Yellow eyes made eye contact with every girl to have their attention before speaking.

“There’s no such things as cancer or serious illnesses which would be bothering Leonardo. He is simply sick.”

“How do you know that?!” Maggie screamed worried while keeping her eyes on Raphael.

“Because I spent the whole night with him talking. He came ta me at some point during the early night, stating he didn’t feel good and couldn’t sleep. So I stayed with him whole night, awake.”

Keeping a little longer pause Raphael continued. “So instead of ya girls panicking and shit, be calm. Does he need hysteric girl group around him or calm ladies to assist him?”

Girls lowered their heads after changing looks, all nodding at the same time.

“That’s what I thought. Now keep eating.” Raphael stated calmly but strictly before returning back on his food. Before doing so he, however, noticed Margaret smiling at him, her lips moving without a sound; “Thank you.”

**

When Leonardo finally woke up, after only few hours of restless dreams, he headed in the kitchen to get something to eat. After filling his empty stomach the turtle made himself some tea, taking it with him as he ventured to see where everyone were. Girls were in second floor since Leonardo could hear their laughs and giggles all the way to the main hall. Form there Leonardo ventured forward, coming to a stop in front of open library door.

Margaret was sitting close by Raphael, moving her finger slowly on the page as Raphael’s eyes followed that finger, reading words with slow space with her. Smile crept on Leonardo’s lips as his hands were trembling slightly while holding his teacup and plate.

He was feeling so happy to see Raphael study, taking his rehab so seriously, allowing Margaret so close and help him. And that focused expression on Raphael’s face… Leonardo chuckled silently to himself. It was so cute! Instantly a small gasp escaped him, making him hide behind the wall next to the doorway.

H-had he just thought of that!? Raphael, cute? Closing his eyes tightly Leonardo shook his head.

“No. No! Keep it together, Leonardo! You can’t let your emotions take over you because of the lack of sleep.” Opening his eyes Leonardo looked outside through small but tall window next to him. “You’ve been there before… And it ended in nothing more than betrayal and pain… Never again. You swore it.”

Calming himself with the sip of his tea Leonardo stepped out from his hiding place, entering the library with the smile on his face as he made his way to duo.

“Hey.”

Both Raphael and Margaret turned to look their visitor, Margaret wearing a wide smile.

“Master. You seem a little better. I assume you got some sleep?”

“At least some.” Leonardo stated as he pulled a chair, seating himself on it, placing his tea on the table. “Can I stay and watch?”

His blue eyes were met with yellow ones. Raphael eyed the turtle for a moment and for a second Leonardo worried Raphael was reading his mind or seeing straight in his soul.

“I’ve nothing against it. If ya stay quiet and let Margaret do the teaching.”

Leonardo chuckled little as he nodded. “You have my word. I won’t interfere. Just watch.”

And Leonardo kept his word. He ended up sitting there hours watching and listening Raphael learning to read and then write some. Deep inside Leonardo was grateful of this company since he knew night was coming – and so were the nightmares.

**

Sitting in a living room in his own chair Leonardo kept watching the sun set behind the fields while some of the girls were sitting on the couch while rest had gathered on the floor to play cards in front of him. Margaret was sitting in her own chair knitting. Raphael was at the end of the couch eyeing Margaret’s knitting, obviously curious about it. She eyed him back time to time with warm smile, finally giving her spare pair of needles and yarn to Raphael.

Leonardo turned to look them when his mind snapped out of the fear of night and nightmares, the sight making him smile. Despite the fact Raphael had 3 fingers, he was doing amazingly well with the knitting needles.

“Master?”

Turning to look down in front of him, Lucy was smiling at him.

“Do you feel well enough to play cards with us?”

Leonardo smiled, relaxing more in his chair. “Thank you, but I think I rather watch and cheer for you all.” And he did. He watched the girls while they played, taking few looks of Raphael and Margaret at times.

In the meantime Raphael was sure he was the only one who could sense it. The nervousness and uneasiness from Leonardo. It had been lingering around the turtle whole day. And it was making Raphael uncomfortable – as well as girls’ loud sudden screams and laughs during their card games. He wasn’t used of such sudden loud sounds. Luckily he had noticed Margaret’s knitting, getting curious about it. Now that he was learning to knit, it gave him something which was distracting him.

“You are doing great, my dear.” Margaret said as she rested her hand on Raphael’s shoulder. There was tiny flinch which surprised old woman, but she said nothing of it.

“Thanks. It looked easy enough – and I have great teacher.”

Smiling at her Raphael kept his eyes on hers, then suddenly moving his eyes towards Leonardo. Margaret wasn’t old fool so she instantly realized what Raphael was after. Taking the needles and yarn away from Raphael’s hold old woman stood up, placing the knitting in the basket with her own work.

“Alright, girls. It’s bed time.”

“What?! Already?”

“Yes. Sun has settled already and we have big day tomorrow. Must clean the whole house before weekend.”

“What’s going to happen at the weekend?”

“You will find out then. Now hop hop, girls! Go wash your faces, hands and teeth and then to bed.”

Girls followed the given order, bidding goodnight to their master and Raphael. When the girls were gone old maid turned her attention on Leonardo.

“And you too, master. Go to bed. You need your rest.”

While Leo’s face was all calm, his fingers weren’t. Raphael and Margaret had noticed it how Leo’s fingers were constantly playing with each other or rubbing his clothes etc. and it had been going on a whole day.

Without a word Leonardo stood and left, heading in his room, Margaret and Raphael soon going in theirs. And just like the night before Leonardo was tortured by the horrible event once again – and it kept on going a week before Margaret had had enough.

In the darkness of night she was laying on her bed, hearing Leonardo’s cries and screams in his sleep behind the wall once again – like in every night before. Throwing the blanket off of her she wrapped herself in her bathrobe, heading in Raphael’s room. She didn’t knock as she entered, coming to the turtle.

“Raphael?” She gently shook him few times before turtle groaned, hand reaching to turn on the light.

“What?” He mumbled, his eyes barely open.

“It’s Leonardo. I hate to ask this, but you need to do something about it.”

“Why me?”

“Because he won’t tell me anything. But I know you know what’s going on. I have seen that look on your face which says so.”

Sitting up Raphael groaned again, rubbing his face with his palms. He had his own issues so why he needed Leo’s issues on his shoulders too?

Margaret sat down facing him, taking hold of his hands. “Please, help him. I can’t… I can’t listen his screams and cries every night for hours and hours.” Her voice was trembling, eyes turning moist. Raphael knew she had deep special bond with Leonardo so…

“Fine. What ya want me ta do?”

“Just go there. Be there for him. With him. Help him to deal whatever is haunting him.”

Raphael knew perfectly well what was haunting Leonardo and in the first night he had told Leonardo what must be done to cure from it, but Leonardo had shut down. He hadn’t come to see Raphael again or talk with him.

Grunting Raphael threw his legs over the edge of the bed, landing his weight on them as he stood up.

“I’ll see what I can do, but I ain’t promising anything.”

While she still remained seated on the edge of his bed, Margaret looked up at Raphael her hands resting in her lap, her gray long hair being free on her back.

“I have all the faith and trust in you.”

Sighing slightly Raphael said nothing as he left the room. Next he was standing behind Leonardo’s door, clearly hearing the horrified screams and cries which had grew louder. So loud that girls had woke up too, now all of them standing at the long hallway looking at him scared and worried, whispering to one another.

“Ya girls go back ta bed. I handle this.”

When nothing happened Raphael turned to look them over his shoulder. He didn’t need to say anything since the seriousness on his face was commanding enough and girls went back in their rooms.

Entering Leonardo’s room was chilling since the sounds what Leonardo was making reminded Raphael so much of all those horrible times when he’d been captured, forcing to listen the sounds of dying people… Swallowing Raphael squeezed his hands into shaking fists, trying to get control back from his shaking body. This was different. This was different.

Repeating that in his mind over and over again big turtle approached Leonardo’s bed, first turning the table light on. Leonardo was sweating, shaking, screaming like if he was being tortured, tears mixed with the sweat on his cheeks.

“Leo. Leo. Leonardo. Hey!”

Leonardo jerked awake, jumping to sit up while swinging his fists in all directions. Raphael got one hit on his side as he reached over the turtle, grabbing on the shoulders and forcing Leo back on his shell.

“Calm down, Leo! It’s me! Ya are at home, in your bed! Just stop!”

Leonardo’s hands slowly stopped but remained in the air. It took many minutes before Leonardo blinked, turning to look Raphael.

“Raph?”

Softly sighing Raphael loosened his hold on Leo’s shoulder. “Yeah. It’s me.”

Hands lowered next to Leo’s body on sweaty sheet, deep sigh being released in the air. Leonardo knew why Raphael was there and he didn’t even try to hold back his tears.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, lifting a hand to rub tears away from his eyes. “I woke you up with my screams?”

Pulling Leonardo to sit Raphael placed himself across the turtle, keeping one of Leo’s hands in his.

“Njah. Margaret woke me up, not ya.”

Leonardo was silent a moment. “So she knows?”

“Not full story but she knows something’s badly wrong with ya. So ya better speak now or I go get her here.”

Leonardo chuckled between sniffs as he calmed himself down. But he still found it hard to talk about his near death experience. It was more powerful thing than Leonardo liked to admit.

“Ya know I’ve been there too.”

Raphael was amazingly patient as he waited, his yellow orbs shining in dim light as they stayed focused on Leonardo, who was playing with his blanket in his lap.

“You told me talking helps. How it helps, Raphael? It doesn’t erase the memories… The feelings.”

“It doesn’t, but it makes it easier and better ta understand them all, ta become one with them. Accept them, control ‘em. Be okay with them.”

Leonardo rolled Raphael’s reply in his mind before speaking again.

“Which one was the worst experience to you?”

“First was very scary, I admit that, but last one was worst. Since that was the furthers catch what they ever had got me in ta. Thank God ya came there.” Smiling at blue eyes Raphael squeezed smaller hand, digging his softer side up. “I wouldn’t be here without ya… Ya were there for me when I needed it the most so… Let me be here for ya now in return.”

Once more smaller turtle was quiet, surely wondering his options.

“Everything was hazy at first until my vision became more clear. I realized I was tied, but couldn’t understand why. And then… They didn’t believe when I told them I have a stamp.” Dropping his head down Leonardo shook his head a bit, his breathing trembling.

“I told them I have it, copies, papers – everything – to prove I have a stamp. They didn’t give a shit. They just wanted to kill.”

“That’s how they are. Those bastards.” After a moment Raphael realized Leonardo wasn’t going to talk anymore so he started to push other turtle gently. “What happened next?”

“… I… I turned cold in and outside when they took wet sponge… But then again they got another idea. An idea which would cause me more pain, but more amusement for them. They decided to fry me without wet sponge.”

A hiccup with snotty sob escaped from smaller male as he bend down over his crossed legs, hiding his face against the blanket.

“I… I just… I felt paralyzed… I was so freaking scared!”

Raphael felt his own eyes tear up since he knew those emotions too well. He didn’t want to interrupt Leonardo with his words or voice so Raphael simple reached his free hand on Leo’s shell, starting to rub it with slow and gentle movements. It seemed to help.

“… … And so I screamed. I screamed so much, hard and loud – and yet it didn’t help me at all. It didn’t ease those horrible mixed feelings inside me. I have never… been in such a weak state, so messed up. In so much fear, panic, horror… I just… I felt so small. So vulnerable. I couldn’t… I couldn’t believe it would end there. I wasn’t ready to die… Not like that at least...”

Feeling Leo’s hand squeeze his hand Raphael kept stroking Leonardo’s shell.

“I’m right here. And those bastards are dead. They will never hurt ya again.”

Turtles spent long moment in silence, hearing how it slowly started to rain, little drops tapping the window. Leonardo had fell more silent, his sobs and sniffs long gone. He was still bend over his legs, his face turned away from Raphael. However his hold on Raphael’s hand remained.

Assuming small male had fell asleep Raphael tried to pull his hand free, but the hold only got tighter.

“Please, stay.” Was tiny and silent whisper. Leonardo’s head turned, being now face to face with Raphael. “I know this sounds stupid, but I really don’t want to be alone at nights. I’m afraid to go to bed. To sleep. When sun starts to set, fear starts to sneak in my mind and soul. I know what’s coming… And there’s nothing what I can do to stop it.”

“… Then is there something I could do? More than just sit here and hold your hand?”

“That is fine. As long as I’m not left alone.” Looking up like a sad puppy Leonardo sighed through his snotty nostrils. “Would you be here with me every night? Until I get better and can sleep again? I know I should be helping you to rehab, but… You said it yourself. You’ve been there so you know what I’m going through. I… You are the only one who knows how to help me. And, of course, I will repay this all back to you. I will work harder than ever for you, with you, to help you in return.”

While Leonardo was talking Raphael had pushed him to sit up, giving him a tissue which Leonardo accepted. After blowing his nose Leonardo was pushed on his shell, Raphael climbing over him on the other side of the bed, laying down on his side, facing obviously exhausted turtle.

“I’ll be here with ya. I’ll sleep with ya if it helps ya. And know I will wake ya up if ya get any nightmares.”

“Promise?” Leonardo asked as he turned on his side, facing Raphael. Grinning slightly in playful way Raphael gave his little finger to Leonardo.

“Pinky promise. I also promise, from my part, none will ever know what we’ve been talking in here.”

Now smiling with soft tiny laugh Leonardo rubbed his eye while answering on Raphael’s pinky promise with his own little finger.

“Pinky promise – to all of that.”

Now smiling wider Raphael reached for Leonardo’s blanket, pulling it all the way up, first covering Leonardo and then himself. However the blanket wasn’t as big as Raphael’s so Raphael was forced to move right in front of Leo to fit under it.

“Ya comfortable if I’m this close?”

“I’m fine. Other body’s heat feels nice.” Now in half sleep state Leonardo closed his eyes, pressing his head deeper in his pillow, slightly moving his nose closer to Raphael. “I used to sleep in Margaret’s arms when I was younger. Been missing her warmth...”

“Ya have been lucky. I never haven’t had that luxury.”

“I’m sorry. … … You smell nice.”

To this Raphael said nothing since Leonardo’s breathing changed, indicating he fell asleep. Carefully moving his arm from between their bodies, Raphael laid it on Leonardo’s side for more comfortable position. Table light was on and Raphael didn’t even bother to try to get away from Leo and turn it off. So the light stayed on while Raphael kept his eyes on sleeping turtle, watching over him.