Beginning Of Something Deeper

Turtles trip to Casey’s farmhouse was supposed to be relaxing for all of them, but no, it wasn’t. Not at the current moment at least. Mikey, Don, Casey, April and Splinter stood outside the house in snow watching how Raphael and Leonardo, once again, were at each others throats.

Asking should they interrupt his older brothers, Mikey saw Master Splinter shaking his head, returning back inside the warmth of the house, suggesting them all to do the same. His oldest sons would calm down and find a way to find peace between them after all steam had been released.

As April and Casey followed Splinter inside, Don and Mikey kept staying still, having worried looks on their faces. One stupid little argue had again lead to this. It was their normal life but the more Leo and Raph fought, more it hurt their younger brothers who just wanted it all to stop.

“Get out of my face!” Leo shouted at the bottom of his lungs, pointing toward the nearby forest at his left, receiving deadly glare from his heated brother who snarled at him.

“Fine!”

Turning on his heels and stomping away, Don took few steps forward, reaching his hand after his brother, but Leonardo reached his right hand in front of his brother, giving silent warning gaze from the corner of his eye. Don swallowed and bowed his head slightly down, stepping back at his place next to Mikey, who’s eyes kept following his oldest brother who still seemed to have some steam left and for that reason it wasn’t surprise to see Leo going in that big barn, closing the door behind him. It had become Leonardo’s favorite area at the farm, a place where he could be and train alone if needed – and now he indeed needed it.

Turning his worried look back on Don, Mikey placed his hands on those collapsed shoulders. “Come now, Donnie. No point staying out here and get ourselves cold. Let’s go inside. I make hot chocolate for you.”

Just nodding to Mikey as a reply, Don allowed himself to be guided back inside. In front of the fireplace Master Splinter encouraged Donatello not to take his brothers fights personally or so seriously. They always had have them and probably always would have. In some weird way it kept those two balanced.

–

Kicking snow out of his way Raphael walked forward cursing out loud to himself, picking big frozen and snow covered rock in his hands, slamming it as hard as he could at his feet on the ground. A loud crack made his temper withdraw in the back of his mind as the sound kept going on and soon Raphael’s body weight crushed cracked ice under his feet, dropping him in ice cold water.

Pushing his head above the surface, Raphael gasped for air as sudden coldness was overtaking his body what wasn’t exactly used to this cold temperature. Trying to reach the bottom with his feet Raph realized there was no bottom, he had come too far away from the shore. In his fury state of mind Raphael had totally forgot this small but deep pond what was in the forest and since he had kept his gaze down at his feet, kicking snow, he hadn’t been aware of his surroundings.

Reaching his shaky hands to his sais, Raphael reached as far as he could and slammed his blades in ice, pulling half of his body out of the water but cold wind froze him in his place. Shutting his eyes, Raph started to talk to himself with whispers to keep his drifting mind focused but at times he had hard times hearing what he was saying since his lips were, like the rest of his body, trembling violently.

–

At the farm house everyone seemed to be in good mood and Leonardo had come inside too after cooling down. Wind had turn more stronger and it had made its way into the barn which had drove Leo inside the house. April smiled at those three teenagers who were happily chatting but one of them was still missing. Raising her green eyes to scan Casey’s stiffed form while he stood in front of the window, April stood up and came next to him.

“What’s wrong, Casey?”

“Raph. He hasn’t come back yet.”

April sighed and looked out through slightly frozen window.

“I hope he’s okay. Winter isn’t exactly the best season for turtles.”

Standing silently a moment Casey left April’s side heading towards coat rack, taking his warm winter coat. Pushing flashlight in his pocket Casey made his way to front door where April catch up with him.

“Casey, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like, babe? I’m going ta find Raph.”

“But the storm...”

“April, my friend’s being out there and I ain’t sitting here waiting that he MIGHT come back. Ya know? I have ta do this. I could never forgive myself if I wouldn’t.”

April secretly admired it how much Casey cared for Raph and how close those two had become. Sighing with a smile she stood on her toes, placing a kiss on Casey’s cheek.

“Be careful, okay? And call us if you need help.”

“Awh, geesh, babe. Thanks.”

Standing at the doorway hugging herself, April watched with worry how Casey slowly disappeared into the upcoming snow storm. Master Splinter placed his hand on her slightly trembling shoulder, suggesting to leave everything to Casey. Casey maybe wasn’t the smartest one, but his heart was as big and loving as Raphael’s and those two were so alike that if anyone would find Raph, it would be Casey.

It’s not Splinter didn’t trust his sons or knew they would find Raphael, but his senses just told him to leave this to Casey.

–

“Raph! Yo, Raph!”

Slowly opening his stiff eyelids Raph swore he was hearing someone calling his name. His neck had start to turn stiff too because of snow storm and wind, but he managed to turn his head and see a shadow figure on the hill near by him. Hearing his name being called again, he recognized familiar voice.

“C—Case, h-here...”

But his voice was way too silent, like a gentle whisper. Damn it. If he wouldn’t find his voice soon, Casey would keep on going since snow already had cover his footprints. Trying to call Casey again and again didn’t bring any result so his only hope was to catch his human friend’s attention in another way.

Releasing his tight and stiff hold on his second sai, Raphael managed to summon enough energy to pull it out of ice and throw it toward Casey. His arm trembled as he threw his weapon, hoping it wouldn’t hit his friend. The last thing what he wanted was to kill his friend who had come to look for him.

Hearing ‘thud’ behind his back, Casey turned around and his eyes widened when he saw familiar Sai sticking out of the tree. Looking at the direction where it possibly was thrown Casey saw darker figure laying on the ground and he instantly ran down the hill, sliding down on his stomach more closer to his friend. Seeing the state what Raphael was in, Casey reached his hand to Raph’s, getting firm hold on it, slowly and gently pulling his friend out of ice cold water.

When it was safe enough Casey got on his knees, pulling his trembling friend against him while taking his coat off.

“Here, pal. It will keep ya warm at least a bit.”

Nuzzling his face against Casey’s warm neck for heat, Raphael mumbled something but Casey couldn’t get anything out of it so he asked Raph to repeat it.

“C-can’t… f-feel m-my l-l-legs...”

Damn… If he couldn’t feel his legs, it was bad since Casey couldn’t walk him home. Looking around he saw nothing what would help him to get his friend back at the house, Casey did the only thing what he could; Lift Raph in his arms in bridal style.

Raph’s weight was something to handle but Casey couldn’t focus on complaining about his friend’s natural massive weight at the moment so he turned his focus elsewhere – Talking to his friend and keeping him awake. Feeling Raph’s cold face burying deeper in his warm neck, Casey couldn’t stop imagining it how cold Raph really was feeling.

Hurrying his steps as much as he could Casey soon saw the lights of farm house between trees.

“Look, Raph. We’re almost there, just hang in there, buddy.”

–

Scanning the landscape behind the window once again, Mikey sighed turning slowly around but spun back to his original place in a flash after seeing something.

“Guys! It’s Casey and Raph! He found him!”

Leo and Don rushed to Mikey’s side while April rushed to the door, swung it open and rushed to her lover and friend.

“April, hurry. He’s badly cold. He needs ta be warmed as soon as we can!”

“You got it, Casey.”

Rushing back inside April headed straight to stairs what lead to second floor, only stopping to command two boys with her. While she was taking one extra mattress Mikey and Leo were taking few pillows and extra winter blankets while, at the same time downstairs, Splinter and Don were filling water bottles with warm water to help Raphael warm up faster.

Looking down at his friend in his arms Casey felt guilty for not going to look for him sooner. Maybe all this could have been avoided if he would had follow him or something. April brought mattress on the floor between couch and fireplace, Mikey placing pillows in their place and Leo watched from the side while Casey gently and carefully landed his brother on the mattress. Donnie came there next, taking Raph’s gears off while Splinter placed those flat water bottles in line on his son’s body.

Feeling eyes on him Leonardo lifted his gaze to meet with all of them, hearing Mikey’s voice; “What are you waiting for, Leo? Give him those blankets.”

“Oh, yes, sorry.” Stepping closer Leonardo bend down, slowly laying those slightly warmed blankets on his brother one by one, hoping his own body heat had warmed them enough for his brother. All their eyes were locked on Raphael’s trembling form and face and it felt like an eternity before Raphael let out small sigh and his face seemed to relax a bit and his body’s trembling started to turn more down.

“I think we need to watch him through the night and see how he will do.”

“I agree. Casey, go get more woods. We can’t let the fire die.”

“Sure thing, April. Come, Leo.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, we need a lot of woods and it’s faster ta get them with two people, ya know?”

Nodding Leonardo followed Casey and while they were putting their coats on, Leonardo couldn’t help but to take one last look of his brother. If he just hadn’t argued with him and told him to get out of his face… Feeling a weight of Casey’s hand on his shoulder Leo turned his gaze in his eyes and he saw it in Casey’s eyes. The truth. Casey knew he was blaming himself for this.

–

“Leo, it ain’t your fault. None of this isn’t but yeah, I understand how ya feel, buddy. Ya blame yourself for pissing him off and telling him ta get out of your face and I… I blame myself for not going after him sooner. I have no idea how long he was in that water.”

“I understand. I just… I wish we wouldn’t be fighting so much because it always leads to something bad. Raph really must be hating me.”

“Because of argues? Leo, Raph loves ya a lot. He said he never knows how ta show it ta ya since he doesn’t want it ta be awkward or anything. Ya are so very important ta him and he looks up ta ya so much. Ya are his big bro and leader after all. He rely on ya a lot as well.”

Hearing all this surprised Leo and he stopped in the middle of picking up logs in his arms, looking at Casey who never hadn’t seemed to be so serious. Seeming to get lost in his words, Casey laughed and slapped his turtle friend on the shoulder, lifting up the mood.

“Now come, ya green freak. Your bro needs us ta keep him warm.”

“Green freak?” Leonardo growled playfully, slapping Casey gently on the arm with a log and Casey only returned friendly laugh to his friend. Leonardo was always so serious so little teasing like this seemed to relax and open him up a bit. Plus Casey and turtles had become good friends. If, in the past, Casey would had call Leo a green freak, those deadly blades would have chop his head off.

–

It was around 3am in the first night and Leonardo had sent Don to sleep from his turn to watch after their brother. Sitting on the chair near Raphael’s feet, Leonardo eyed his brother who was sleeping quite peacefully. It seemed those painkillers what April and Don had decided to give him were working. Placing a book in his lap Leonardo lowered his gaze on those written words and no matter how he read them, his mind didn’t register them. Instead his mind kept thinking about his brother and the moment when Raph had fell in the water.

Leonardo rolled many emotions inside him, trying to imagine how Raphael must have felt in that moment. If he would had been there longer, he most surely would have die. Sighing with sorrowful look in his eyes, Leo closed his book and made his way next to his brother, sitting down on the floor. Turning his eyes towards the fire he threw few more logs in those flames.

Feeling a gentle hold around his wrist Leo jumped a bit, turning to look Raph who’s eyes were open very slightly but enough for Leo to see those misty yellow eyes. Seeing Raph’s lips moving Leonardo moved a bit closer and bend down to hear his brother better.

“It... ain’t… your… fault.”

That surprised look on Leo’s face made Raphael start to repeat his words, but Leonardo stopped him by placing his finger on those cool lips.

“Sssh, it’s okay, I know that. But you shouldn’t be talking. Rest, my brother.”

“Lay… Me...”

“Huh?!”

Taking few fast breaths what burned his airways, Raphael licked his dry lips and spoke with whispers again.

“Lay… next ta… me.”

“O-oh, sure. Hold on.”

But Raph didn’t wait. He was already moving with snail’s speed on the edge of his mattress, making more room for Leo who was taking pillow to himself from the chair where he sat few minutes ago. Seeing Raph moving made Leo give ‘the look’ to him, but Raph ignored it completely, settling down in his new spot.

Hesitating a moment Leonardo finally placed his pillow on mattress, settling himself next to his brother who instantly started to seek the warmth of another body. Feeling wrapped between two lovely warm sources Raphael sighed and closed his eyes, soon breathing all calm in restful sleep, under the loving gaze of his older brother.

–

Thanks to his mutated genes, Raphael was recovering better than expected but he was still being kept warm in front of the fireplace since he was still sneezing and coughing. However he was allowed to move to sleep on the couch which was more in Raph’s liking. His fever had gone away day before but he was still weak so Splinter had forbid him from any kind of training, except meditation what Raphael just refused to do if it wasn’t forced on him.

His brothers, just like Casey and April too, were equally spending time with him so he wouldn’t die on boredom but when his eyes had spotted one basket with yarns and needles, he had asked April’s permission to use them. She had no idea why, but she gave them to Raph, soon watching in awe as Raphael started to knit. Looking at all other turtle family members they confirmed that Raph indeed knew how to knit and he liked it. Of course this made Raph throw one of the yarns toward his brothers who easily dodged it and the yarn was returned back to him by Splinter who gave little strict look to him. Dropping his head slightly down Raph apologized and went back on knitting.

At dinner time Raphael had refused to eat since he wasn’t hungry so instead he sat there on the couch, wrapped in warm blanket in front of fire, knitting and listening his family’s happy chatting with their friends. Soon white mug appeared to his view. Following that arm all the way up to his friend’s face he saw happy smile and friendly blue eyes.

“I know ya ain’t hungry but ya need ta fuel your body with something so drink this at least. April forced me ta do it ta ya so ya better appreciate it.”

“April forced ya?” Raph smirked with a chuckle as he reached to take that warm mug in his hands, letting that welcomed heat warm them. Closing his eyes he pushed his face more closer of that warm steam what slowly rose from the mug, gently traveling on his skin.

“Hey, I made it for ya ta drink it, not just use it ta warm ya up from outside.”

“Shut it, Case, and let me enjoy this in my way.”

“Touchy.”

Casey said poking Raph on the shoulder with his elbow, finally leaving him alone to enjoy his drink which he actually enjoyed a lot. Once before Raph had tasted Casey’s hot chocolate and it had tasted so horrible so perhaps April had teached him how to do it good. Chuckling silently to his own thoughts Raph took another long sip, sighing deeply. He was lucky to have them all in his life. It didn’t matter how many persons he had, but the quality of what kind of persons they were.

–

Another day had come to an end and Leonardo was making his tour in the house to make sure everything was in order and everything were, except Raph. He was still sitting and knitting. He had been knitting a whole day and it would be good to stop and get some rest.

As Leo approached his brother, he saw Raph was just doing his finishing touches with whatever he had knit.

“Glad to see you got it done. I was just about to tell you to quit and get some sleep.”

“And ya think I would have listened ya?”

Seeing that playfully challenging spark in the corner of Raph’s golden eye made Leo chuckle as he sat next to his bro, staring at the fire.

“I think not.”

“Damn right about that.”

Comfortable and long silence surrounded them which was broken only few times when Raphael coughed some.

“Hey, Raph… You know what?”

“If this is about ya still blaming yourself I ain’t listening.”

“No, no. I just thought that tonight you can sleep on your own since you don’t seem so sick anymore that you need to be watched after at nights anymore.”

“Geesh, Leo. I have been telling that ta ya for few days already but ya have been insisting ta sleep here with me.”

“Sorry. I guess I just… have been so worried and wanting to make sure nothing bad won’t happen to you.”

Another silent moment landed in the room as they both listened the sounds of fire eating woods in that old fireplace. Leo sighed as he slowly stood up, turning to look his brother one last time.

“Well, it’s goodnight then, Raph.”

“Hold your horses a bit, Leo. Sit down.”

Sudden worry took over him and he couldn’t hide it while sitting back down.

“What is it? Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah yeah, I’m fine. Just… Here.”

Rather then letting Leo take knitting from his lap, Raph pushed it in Leo’s hands looking away. Looking slightly surprised Leonardo rolled Raph’s knitting open, realizing it was a scarf… with a text in it. Best big brother ever. Feeling all warm inside, loving and tender smile spread on his face as his eyes moved from those words to Raphael’s profile.

“… I mean every word in it, Leo. I ain’t good with words, ya know it, at least not then when it comes ta talking about how I feel but… Ya know. Writing is a bit easier.”

“I know. This is very special gift to me and I will treasure it.” Moving right next to Raph, Leonardo pressed his head against Raph as they both scanned scarf spread in their laps.

“Thank you.”

“Hmh.”

“… You know, Casey told me one day how you really feel about me. How much you love me and how much you look up to me.”

“He did? Damn, I knew I shouldn’t had told him. He’s such a big loudmouth. More worse than Mikey!”

Leonardo only chuckled and pressed his head a bit more against Raph’s. “It’s not all that bad. At least now I know and I try to do my best we will find a balance between us. Our argues are slowly getting out of our hands and I have come to notice how much they have start to effect and hurt our little brothers. I don’t want them to suffer because I’m acting too immature by arguing with you.”

“By ‘I’ ya really mean ‘us’? About being too immature.”

“Well, yes. Just didn’t want to say it to piss you off once again.”

“Njah, I wouldn’t get pissed off from those words since they are the truth.”

“So.. does this mean we agree on this one? We will work and try to find a way to stop arguing.”

“Not completely since I love ta crawl under your skin at times, but not as bad anymore.”

“So we will be okay with small argues? Not full wars?”

Raising his brow Leo looked into golden eyes while hearing Raphael’s light short laugh.

“Yeah, no full wars. Just bitching.”

“Bitching, huh? I should have known you would say something like that.”

“Oh? Then how about this?”

Wrapping his arms around Leo’s body, Raph laid down pulling Leo on top of him, smiling gently.

“Would ya keep me warm tonight?”

“I thought you would never ask.”

Shifting himself in better position in his brother’s arms, Leonardo rested his head on Raph’s shoulder and sighed. This was very good start to their brotherhood but deep inside of his shell, in his heart, Leo felt and knew there was something much more to come to him and Raphael. More than just more matured brotherhood. 
