Before I give my apologies, I want to provide an explanation of my behaviors in the beginning sections, these aren't justifications.

For awhile I have been dealing with my feelings surrounding my own fetishes, growing up I was given judgement by my mother during the times she caught me looking at adult materials, her judgemental attitude has affected me all of my life.

Given that she's a victim of childhood molestation it was especially tough when she reacted negatively after spying through the contents of my phone in my teenhood, I've suppressed these emotions for years, and internalized it.

During a couple of stress and marijuana induced episodes of psychosis, temporary psychosis, I expressed these emotions in a unhealthy manner. I genuinely thought I was a pedophile when I wasn't, I have pedophiles and even nepiophlies from my mother's side of the family so it seemed rational at the time to assume that I've been born with this paraphilia.

I was also studying into what sexologists and criminologists have discovered about what pedophilia actually is which further fueled into my delusions, they hypothesize a familial component but that part isn't confirmed, what is confirmed is that it's inborn. The leading hypothesis is that something within the environment influences it, say, during the pregnancy period something in the environment has some sort of influence on the fetus' development.

With how I reacted at the time, I sincerely apologize for my behaviors, it's unacceptable and inexcusable. I'm still trying to figure out how to move on from and heal from my unreasonable guilt for having a fetish for cubs and ageplay related furry stuff alongside my other fetishes. Also for how I reacted to others.

Also I apologize for any racially offensive stuff on my other account, I don't remember my initial thoughts but it was a failed attempt at dark humor, also I've been learning that race is purely a social construct with no biological bases. Least to say, my joke was more due to pure ignorance than say someone hiding their viewpoints under the guise of dark humor, regardless of the motive it was insensitive.