Memoirs of a Monster

Forward
 
I write this not to show off all I have done, but in the hopes that someone that reads it will understand that coming to the point I have is never just a single decision. It's a chain that started from my earliest days and from there one thing has led to another. It's about how easy it is to go 'maybe just this once' in a moment of weakness leads down the road that can get you vilified by all but the most demented and debased types that enjoy this kind of thing.
If this is being read right now, it likely means I have either been killed or put into prison for a very long time (or short time. Lets not kid on another, after what I've done I would not last long). So the dead-man switch I had on this has triggered, sending it to hundreds of different sources in the hopes it might get out before being suppressed by those in authority.
Just know that this is more for my own peace of mind, rather than an admission of guilt, and I hope someone can make use of this to change their life for the better before it gets as far as mine has. Or I hope they at least get off a lot to it. I know it's strange of me to say such, but that's how it is for me in my messed up head. I really don't want someone to follow in my footsteps, but at the same time I get off on the fact someone is likely to get horny to the things I'll be describing through this entire thing.
Just know I don't endorse any of the things I've done in here, but I'm also not against someone doing what they want. 
Enjoy the read if you do, or at least leave a little more educated on what the mind of a monster is like.

Chapter one: The making of the Monster
 (Chapter warning: Includes incest, rape, underage sex)
Cast:
Father/dad: An older Clydesdale and half-brother to my original father, graying at the muzzle and mane while the rest of his fur was fairly dark brown. He was well built as he worked labor jobs to make ends meet. Also had a family before this one that took him back after the dust had settled down in the future, despite the fact he had probably done the same thing to his own flesh and blood kids.
Mother: A Clydesdale in her twenties at the time. She'd had surgery as a baby to fix a cleft palate, which left her face looking a bit off as she never had much plastic surgery after to fully repair the damage. Black fur with a splash of white across her chest and back, and white fur on her hands and lower legs. Came from a rather large family as the second eldest child, and tossed from one foster home to another as the woman her father married was the devil herself and took an instant dislike to her. Even to this day is still considered the 'bad' one by the family. Does her best to at least keep the fridge stocked with food so us kids won't go hungry, at the cost of always working since the step-father is more deadbeat than useful.
 Myself/Calum: At this point a six year old Clydesdale, growing healthy despite the poor conditions of life around him. Black fur with a white blaze on his face and chest, white gloves of fur on his lower arms and legs.
Sister/Maria: A little over 4 years old at this point, a cute little girl  who took more after her original father (a Mustang) than her mother so was much more delicate in features and size. Cream colored fur with a white muzzle and mask across her eyes. White covering her chest and belly down the insides of her thighs, and white gloves and boots on her lower arms and legs. Due to problems at birth, slight mental issues and a mild case of cerebral palsy.

  This all starts when I was the tender age of six or so (memories can be rather fuzzy that far back). My Mother was divorced from a loveless marriage from a man who was cold and distant, with a penchant for anger (I might have inherited those traits). She was now married to his brother, of all people. A much older horse that already had some gray starting at the edges of his muzzle and mane. He was not a good man either, as you'll soon see.
  Along myself and my Mother, I had a younger sister by about a year and a half. She was always cute and looked like a smaller version of myself and we go along fairly well though she did have some mental issues and physical issues from birth. It was these things that my step-father enabled as he groomed her to be more than just his new daughter. You see, it turns out he was a pedophile, or at least more like how I turned out in the end, which is you don't really care about what you're fucking as long as your dick is getting into it.
  My first encounter with this behavior was someone innocent at first and I honestly had no idea what was going on, but he was 'Dad' so I didn't question him when he asked me to do a few small things. In this case, the first time I remember him coming to me like this, he had asked me to lie down next to him without my pants on. I had no reason not to trust him, so I readily did so. He then got close behind me and then asked 'Can I put my thumb in your ass?', his exact words as I recall. Being innocent as I was I said yes, not sure what he meant until I felt him raise my tail up and the pressure of his thumb pressed firmly against my virgin anus. He didn't wait long and I winced as that thick finger pushed into my body. I had no idea at the time he was planning to start grooming me like he already had with my sister.
 He didn't actually do much more than that, though I swear I heard him grunt a little behind me and felt the tap of something warm against the back of my legs. I was too afraid to look back at that time (This is where I started being afraid of a lot of things at the time, even fighting back against future bullies), but I'm pretty sure he had pulled his dick out and was rubbing it as he slowly pushed that thumb deeper into me. He kept at it for about ten  minutes before pulling his thumb out and getting up, walking out of the room without saying a word. At that point I was afraid I'd done something wrong even though I hadn't done anything other than lay there for him while he used his thumb to sodomize me. Future me would realize, of course, that he'd gone off to another room to finish himself. I guess he didn't want to scare me too much to start. After a while I pulled my pants back up and wandered off to play, but I was now a little more wary of him and started watching him a bit closer from then on.
  And that led me to the second secret he had been keeping. One day I noticed he and my sister and disappeared while my mother was gone to work. The car was still there so I knew they were around somewhere, and my curiosity got the better of me and I went looking for them. I eventually found where they went, my parents bedroom. The door hadn't been shut all the way and I could hear soft talking inside so I snuck up to the door to peek in and froze at what I saw. My young mind couldn't really make sense of it since I had no idea what sex was at the time, but I remember every single detail...(and I'm ashamed to admit, I still get off to it sometimes).
  What I saw was my step-father laying on the bed naked, his stiff prick standing proud in the air and already drooling precum down its length. Standing on the bed between his legs was my little sister, naked as well as he gently told her what a good girl she was and how much he loved her, and how he was the only one the truly loved her. As I watched she moved to press her stomach up against his towering rod, a sizable piece of meat against her small and petite form, and started rubbing against it with her hands while she kissed and licked at the flared tip. This was kept up for several minutes, and if I had known what it was at the time, I would have realized I had an erection of my own.
  Soon he tired of the play, and as I watched he gently picked her up by the waist and settled her right on the tip of his member, making her little thighs spread around it. She seemed delighted he was finally doing more, as he continued to say this was the best way to show someone you love them. I had no idea his shaft was so large, or perhaps it just looked that way against my sisters small form, but somehow after a bit of grunting and maneuvering I saw that fat tip of his manage to pop into my sister, the angle I was at giving me a lewd show of just how much it had stretched her out in the process. I can only guess he had been working at this particular invasion for a long time because instead of a cry of pain from my sister, came a cry of pleasure while her hands instantly when down to rub at the exposed part of his shaft and the edges of her stretched out labia. He had probably taught her that himself, but either way it certainly had an effect on me as well as my hands wandered down to explore my own stiff prick pushing my shorts out, trying to imitate the movements she was doing against his length.
He didn't wait long to move on though, and as soon as she was well seated on him, he starts to thrust into her. They were rather short thrusts, apparently unable or unwilling to go further without hurting her but it was enough for him. And the look on his face, now that I think back on it is one I'm quite familiar with myself as I've seen myself using a few times, was one of dark pleasure, the look of one getting to fuck whatever he wanted when he wanted without a care about anything else.
After just a few minutes of this he shuddered and I watched his cock visibly throb, unloading his seed into his step-daughter with a few last slightly harder thrusts. Before he finished he pulled her off his dick, letting the last few ropes of spunk shoot across her belly and face, soaking into her fur and marking her as his little fucktoy. Thankfully I had no idea what it was he had done at the time, or I might have found my first orgasm that day (an event that actually didn't happen for another six years, despite all that happened to me in the interim). They continued to cuddle for a bit after that where he continued to say she was his most loved thing and only his love really mattered (this setting a pattern up in the future that would end up making her a holy terror to live with).
I slipped away after that, confused and conflicted about what I had seen but figured I wouldn't say anything for the time being. It sounded like he loved her and wanted it kept secret (and to this day one of the few things my sister didn't tell everyone about until she finally came out about it several years later). I didn't know it then, but that would soon lead to the start of something that would involve myself and probably the first real step to my own mental issues and insecurities.