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Yaaayy!\nWoah, already at chapter 12 and yet I started to summarize more ideas o.o Well, I hope you all still stick around and enjoy! ^^\n\nOhhoo, Leo is starting to realize things. What will happen, hmmmm?\n\n Also, if I recall well, the Japanese word \"kutsu\" means shoes owo\n", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Omg, I can't believe I finally managed to be up to date with the chapters here too, just like on AO3!! Yaaayy!
Woah, already at chapter 12 and yet I started to summarize more ideas o.o Well, I hope you all still stick around and enjoy! ^^

Ohhoo, Leo is starting to realize things. What will happen, hmmmm?

 Also, if I recall well, the Japanese word "kutsu" means shoes owo
", "writing": " Donatello was examining Leo, as the other was in an unusual good mood the next day. Since April called Donatello, that Master Splinter, or the whole family should visit the next day so they all had a free day, Leo asked Don to help him tinker, as he wanted to learn something new, while Raph was doing something with Mikey, probably some ''we are cool boys and one day we will have a music channel on social media'' or talking about fun things or Raphael teaching Mikey something useful. Don was actually glad he was the one who was picked by Leo, who also seemed to want to learn some new mechanic skills. The only problem was, Leo's interest and knowledge and talent for science was very superficial. He always wanted the good results, as if everything was done by the snap of the fingers. Yes, Donatello made it look easy, but it was the result of a lot of built up details. Donatello knew fixing the picked radio with Leo will be a headache. Yes, it was. Leo kept asking questions, he didn't understand half of the answer, then asked them again, then got impatient and lost motivation many times. This really wasn't his cup of tea, but Donatello didn't make any comment. He patiently tried to show and explain Leo the simplest of ways or suggest him easier ways, because Leo always wanted to take control of the situation, but he didn't have enough knowledge for it, but Donatello kept saying ''ok'' and ''sure'' to every ''I got this!'' from Leo, although it never really was right. He didn't comment anything on the fact Leo kept snatching away his tools and put them back on the wrong way. Don kept arranging them back as errors in precision with tools really killed his detailed mind. He also didn't comment when Leo had some impossible and scientifically inappropriate ideas, but they were still interesting for Don to listen to them, wondering where Leo came up with those. However, beside science, he couldn't help, but notice how Leo's vibe was changing to something better, from that tension of strictness. Either way, it was a good afternoon.\n\n -Is it ok like this?\n\n -Yes, now you can put the back side of the radio back. You just simply-..\n\n -Screw it up, yes! - Leo said, as he confidently grabbed the right tool, finally.\n\n -Good, you're catching up fast. - Don smiled.\n\n -Thank you for your patience, brother. - Leo smiled back.\n\n For a moment he started wondering, why is it that he doesn't feel so strange and awkward around Donatello, why doesn't he feel the constant need to hug him and why is that there're no butterflies in stomach and the want to get closer, much closer.\n\n -I-is everything alright? - Don asked a bit hesitantly.\n\n Leo blinked, nodded silently and smiled. He didn't notice how lost in his thoughts he was and how he was glaring at the radio.\n\n -I was just..wondering about something.\n\n -Well you can tell me, maybe I can help? - Don offered kindly.\n\n -No, thank you, but it's nice of you. - Leo said and he suddenly started to miss Raphael, wondering what he was up to, where was he, what was he doing with Mikey, he then remembered a glimpse of comforting moment from last night snuggles.\n\n -So...\n\n -What do you think about Raphael? - Leo blurted out accidentally, both Don and he looked surprised. - I mean...-he fast tried to correct himself, he wasn't that observant how tricky it was to chat with Donatello sometimes, like Raph knew. - Do you uh...think he is changing?\n\n Don made a smile, he really was trying to put things together right away.\n\n -I guess. He's still grumpy and all. I can see, however, that you're doing better.\n\n -T-thanks....-Leo grumbled, somehow disappointed by the answer.\n\n -And what do you think about him? - Don grinned.\n\n Leo looked away feeling heat rising to his cheeks.\n\n -Well, ....I am trying to...well I try to make him understand me and I understanding him? - Leo tried his best to keep his composure.\n\n -Aham. And how's that going?\n\n -I...I don't know? I mean as long as noone else sees some changes in the family, I can't tell if I'm succeeding. - Leo said more confidently, proud of his smart answer.\n\n -Oh. I guess you are. - Don patted Leo's shell with a suggestive grin, then they headed to get Raph and Mikey to start the evening training.\n\n Leo had the funny idea to have the training for strong movements and meanwhile shouting random Japanese words, he even had the best samurai style voice acting, and made his brothers laugh, but they all laughed, as they tried and imitated Japanese fighting men accents and shouts, yet they were shouting such words as ''sushi'' and ''kutsu''.\n\n On the evening, they all settled down for some video gaming, even Donatello sat down, as he was curious about the game Mikey asked for. Raphael and Mikey ended up arguing on which of the customized characters would look like them. Michelangelo kept telling Raphael, that he picks the wrong character and he knew Raphael could customize a character better, meanwhile Raphael stubbornly wanted to keep himself to the awful looking and definitely not his type of customization. Donatello tried to settle them down, meanwhile Leo spoke to their father and he actually was eagerly wondering to make some sushi. When he heard his brothers bickering, he excused himself and went to check what happened, but Raphael was already running off.\n\n -Gee, Raph, come on, dude, I'm sorry! - Mikey tried, although he really was meaning to tell very positive compliments, which Raphael did not accept.\n\n -Just let him be. - Donatello sighed.\n\n -Oookay, what happened? - Leonardo frowned, as he stepped in front of them.\n\n -I just tried to tell him nice things and he got pissed off. - Mikey rolled his eyes as he sulked, Donatello petted his shell comfortingly.\n\n -Maybe you should say badass things next time. - Don offered.\n\n Leonardo sighed.\n\n -It's alright, Mikey, I'll go and talk with him. - Leo already turned to rush off after Raphael.\n\n -Maybe don't, I just don't want you guys to argue because of me... - Mikey looked after Leo with a worried expression.\n\n -Nah, I'm sure he can handle it. - Donatello smiled reassuring both, but his smile didn't reassure Leo at all, he sensed some suspicion, but didn't have the time for that.\n\n After a long searching, he couldn't find Raphael, he even disturbed Casey and April at a wrong time, but tried to act as if he saw nothing. It got late, so Leonardo gave up and rather went back home. He barely could hide his worry and frustration where Raphael was and he felt awful, when later realized he might have ruined everyone's night by always keep directing focus on Raphael. He thought it was time to clear his mind, so he went to the dojo for some meditation. Since everyone retreated to their rooms, the silence was ruling the lair. Finally he allowed himself to have a moment to not ignore, nor be afraid, rather think his emotions through a bit. Him without even realizing, Raphael gave more and more fuel to his covered up emotions and desires and they surfaced more and more, as if that supposed to be natural, yet weeks or perhaps even months before, Leonardo treated them all as wrong, bad thoughts and emotions to have and should not supposed to be even exist.\n\n Eventually Leonardo took a deep breath, exhaled and opened his eyes with a confident, firm sparkle in his eyes. He finally understood. He stretched, then went to get some tea and wash the dishes. He tensed up, when he heard the familiar heavy footsteps. He eagerly wanted to turn around and do what came natural, scold and lecture Raphael for his tantrum with Mikey and how he exaggerated things, but instead he just stayed there and rather eagerly hoping to gain Raphael's attention. He was at luck, as Raphael came in and grabbed some beer. Leonardo still didn't turn around, he felt Raphael presence.\n\n -Hey...-Raphael initiated, as he walked beside Leo and leaned against the counter.\n\n -Hello. -Leo managed a faint smile.\n\n Raphael didn't say anything, he seemed to expect something with an impatient frown. Leo didn't say anything.\n\n -Aren't you going to scold me or something...\n\n -No. All I ask for is you to reconcile with Michelangelo.\n\n -I will, no worries.\n\n -Even if he forgets the whole argument happened?\n\n -Pf, Leo, trust me he doesn't. Just 'cause he pretends, it doesn't mean he forgets. He just acts cool. I know him. - Raphael grunted, as he sipped from his beer.\n\n -Hm. Can I ask where were you?\n\n -Out?\n\n -More precisely? - Leo glanced up at Raphael.\n\n Raphael shrugged.\n\n -Jus' out.\n\n -Mhm...\n\n Raphael put the beer down and rather smoothly brushed against Leo, as he embraced the other from behind, placed his cheek on Leo's shoulder, as he slightly rocked them in place, meanwhile allowed his hands to slowly run down from Leo's sides to his waist and thighs.\n\n -Still in the mood to go out? - Raph whispered on a suggesting tone.\n\n Leonardo swallowed, as heat built up in his body. There was a wild thought running through his mind as he wanted to say he'd rather have Raphael in his room, but held it back.\n\n -I think it's very late now, we wouldn't be able to spend much time outside. Besides, you were out already.\n\n -It's different, when I'm with ya...\n\n Leo sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment. Somehow the familiar feeling of guilt ran through his mind, as even thought warning himself, he still turned around, wrapped his arms around Raphael's neck and pulled him into rough kissing. This passiveness over common sense he showed, just attacking Raphael right there and then, this eagerness he allowed to himself still felt wrong. But he understood now. Even though he understood why were the frustrating feelings, how he could react way better at this situation and treat Raphael differently, than this, he still just let it all go and selfishly expressed his eagerness, starving for that excitement and pleasure they both needed to hold back for days and pretend as if everything is just fine and none of them both needed any of this. The more he wanted to oppose himself and finally stop and break away, the more angry and needy he got. Raphael couldn't help, but give out a helpless groan in pleasure, as he could barely catch up with Leo's impatient roughness, however losing control like that just turned Raphael on even more. He didn't quite understand why Leonardo got so wild, but he definitely liked it. Leonardo was just simply hot like this.\n\nAs the make out session got heated and sometimes even needed to fight for some taking breaths, Raphael grabbed and made Leo sit on the counter, but still hugged him closer, as Leo wrapped his legs around him as much as he could. Leo lowered his hands and absent-mindenly ran down from Raphael's shoulders through his arms, then sneaked in between them, running them through Raphael's plastron, as he couldn't keep his lips away from Raph's. Raphael gave out a muffled, pleased grumble as he grabbed Leonardo's thighs firmly and Pulled them roughly at himself more, but as he was also leaning in and kissing Leo roughly, as Leo's lower side was sliding closer to Raphael, his upper side was being pushed back and resulted the back of his head being crashed against the cupboard installed over the counter. They both froze from the sudden loud noise, Raphael broke the kiss Looking at Leo concerned.\n\n -Ow.. -Leo grumbled, as he couldn't help, but smile goofily.\n\n -Sorry...ya okay?\n\n -Fine. -Leo sat up more, as Raphael planted an apology kiss on his lips, but then he couldn't stop himself to shower Leo's lips with small pecks. - I guess....the kitchen is not the ....right place for this...-Leo grumbled between pecks.\n\n -Myeah...-Raphael said, he still wasn't really paying attention, as he more than willingly wanted to continue making out.\n\n -R-Raph, we should...we should stop... -Leo tried, as he finally regained some composure, him turning on started to make him frustrated and nervous.\n\n -Whyyy...come onnnn .. -Raphael groaned disappointed, still trying to lure Leo back in the mood, he actually felt ready to go further for something more.\n\n -Raph, please, just....I guess we ..it's enough for tonight... -Leo tried to state more firmly as he lightly pushed Raphael to step aside.\n\n -I already said sorry, I could kiss it better! -Raphael tried, but when he saw Leo was not willing to give in, he stepped away, rather sitting at the table with his beer and sulking.\n\n -That's nice of you, but it's not because of that. It's just....it's just that we need to stop. -Leo tried to reconcile, as he took a few deeper breaths to calm down.\n\n -Ya always do this. Always ruin the moment by breakin' it at the worst possible fuckin' moments...\n\n Leo sighed. He really didn't have any excuse for that.\n\n -Look, Raph....I guess we should actually sit down one of these days urgently and talk about these..uhm...these kind of activities we keep allowing to ourselves....\n\n -Well shit, guess what, I'm not interested in hearin' it! - Raphael annoyedly smacked the bottle in the sink, it breaking and rushing off to his room.\n\n Leonardo flinched, then glared at Raphael, then sighed, cleaned up and went to his room. It annoyed him incredibly a lot how awfully Raphael acted out. As he calmed down and thought even more as he waited to sleep and thought about things, suddenly he understood why Raphael got so angry. Raphael always added his lowering thought that Leonardo could say ''no'' for all of that one day, by calling it ''giving him the boot''. Maybe he thought Leonardo was finally wanting to do that. Leonardo frowned, actually asking himself, whether if he should really stopped this all. The thought annoyed him too. He didn't just want to stop. Of course his rational mind warned him that that would be the right thing to do. To just lie to Raphael, that whatever they did he never enjoyed it for real and that he can no longer continue it, yet the reality was, he was enjoying it just as much as Raphael, but he also knew that is something that he should not admit, he already did a bad job holding it back as he should. He finally also understood, that he was afraid to admit it, because he was afraid if he has a final answer, everything will change. He was scared of the responsibility, that was so heavy and big. He still wanted to keep everything what he had with his family, with all the family members, not just Raphael. Just because he had other feelings for Raphael, he could not give up his family and their traditions only to have only Raphael. It sounded scary as shell. He was overwhelmed and scared what heavens Raphael could take him and that just cause him to be more and more selfish and just forget that even Master Splinter or Mikey or Donatello or April and Casey even exists. This frightening thought held him back. And it also scared him if he admits he likes Raphael or allowing himself to admit sometimes he has the wild thought as he wants Raphael sexually, Raphael will be so eager he won't even want to hear Leonardo's concerns and will never want to understand him again. He tried to reassure himself that only he was paranoid and he should actually confront Raphael. He needed to finally man up and confront Raphael and his overwhelming, frightening big passion and flood of emotions.\n\n \n\nLeonardo's confidence from the previous day dissolved for the morning, only the panicking thought stuck in his mind, completely freaked out about the fact that last night he actually wanted to have sex with Raphael and at this point he was certain the confident emotion won't go away that easily. He felt frustrated from the mood of feeling kinky, didn't even want to leave his room, eventually deciding to have a quick jerk off and just keep it together. He kept his composure, as he started his morning routines, waited for his brothers, barely could look into Raphael's eyes, who ignored him anyways. They actually had Master Splinter accompanying them in the dojo for the morning training. Leo was actually grateful, as he really wasn't in the right state to keep the training well.\n\nLeonardo ended up spending most of the day alone or with their father, as Raphael was assertively seeking for Donatello's and Mikey's attention, as if seeking for comfort. He actually already considered that Leo will definitely give him the boot on any day now. He might have been saved for the day, as they planned to go to April's, as was agreed. Obviously the tension between Leonardo and Raphael was so pressuring, that even Mikey sensed it, but Donatello kept shaking his head at him to not mention it. They also knew Master Splinter sensed it and seemed like preparing to confront his sons, but he still just observed them. Leo's mood worsened til the time they needed to prepare to go.\n\n-Would it be a problem if I stay at home...? - Leo asked his family hesitantly.\n\nAt the question even Raphael raised his head curiously.\n\n-I've noticed you don't seem to feel alright. If you need some time of solitude, you may stay home. - Master Splinter said, as he patted Leo's arms reassuringly.\n\n-Yay, that means if April prepared some goodies, then I can have Leo's piece! - Mikey grinned, then got a smack from Don.\n\nRaphael glared at Leo annoyed, he did that annoying thing where he stubbornly glared at Leo until their gaze met and had a non-verbal argument, but Leo kept up a faint smile and ignored him. \n\n-Thank you, sensei. Have a safe trip and have fun! - Leo bowed at his family.\n\nRaphael waited until the others went ahead and he stepped back, leaning in Leo's face.\n\n-Seriously?! - Raphael growled between his teeth.\n\n-Just go. - Leo whispered back with a firm, emotionless expression.\n\nMikey looked back questioningly, but Don pulled him out on the exit.\n\n-I won't go, if ya don't.\n\n-Raphael, please...\n\n-Do ya really hate bein' with me this much?\n\n-Raphael, just go. Why would everything be about you?! Whatever I do, it's not just only about you!\n\nRaphael blinked surprised.\n\n-Why would everythin' be 'bout me...? - he asked confused.\n\nLeo lowered his head in embarrassment. That was indeed a stupid thing to say.\n\n-Sorry, just..go...\n\nRaphael sighed, then shrugged, giving up. He looked at the exit, noone was there, so he grabbed Leo's chin and raised Leo's head. Leo sighed, closed his eyes. He really didn't want this kiss...\n\n.....\n\n ..then he opened his eyes, as there were no kisses, just a Raphael smiling at him reassuringly, gently patting his cheek as a sign of saying ''lighten up, bro'', then went off. The softness and the simple gesture from Raphael did magic for Leo. It actually made his day. It was just a simple brotherly gesture, that Leo was starting to be uncertain in the last days, that Raphael will ever show between them again. The sexy, eager Raphael was attractive and he enjoyed him, but he missed the Raphael, that was simply just his grumpy, yet emotional, sweet, big softie brother.\n\nLeo just stood there with a wide smile, shivering in satisfaction and the warm feeling in his heart, that his family carved there.\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "  Donatello was examining Leo, as the other was in an unusual good mood the next day. Since April called Donatello, that Master Splinter, or the whole family should visit the next day so they all had a free day, Leo asked Don to help him tinker, as he wanted to learn something new, while Raph was doing something with Mikey, probably some ''we are cool boys and one day we will have a music channel on social media'' or talking about fun things or Raphael teaching Mikey something useful. Don was actually glad he was the one who was picked by Leo, who also seemed to want to learn some new mechanic skills. The only problem was, Leo's interest and knowledge and talent for science was very superficial. He always wanted the good results, as if everything was done by the snap of the fingers. Yes, Donatello made it look easy, but it was the result of a lot of built up details. Donatello knew fixing the picked radio with Leo will be a headache. Yes, it was. Leo kept asking questions, he didn't understand half of the answer, then asked them again, then got impatient and lost motivation many times. This really wasn't his cup of tea, but Donatello didn't make any comment. He patiently tried to show and explain Leo the simplest of ways or suggest him easier ways, because Leo always wanted to take control of the situation, but he didn't have enough knowledge for it, but Donatello kept saying ''ok'' and ''sure'' to every ''I got this!'' from Leo, although it never really was right. He didn't comment anything on the fact Leo kept snatching away his tools and put them back on the wrong way. Don kept arranging them back as errors in precision with tools really killed his detailed mind.  He also didn't comment when Leo had some impossible and scientifically  inappropriate ideas, but they were still interesting for Don to listen to them, wondering where Leo came up with those. However, beside science, he couldn't help, but notice how Leo's vibe was changing to something better, from that tension of strictness. Either way, it was a good afternoon.

               -Is it ok like this?

               -Yes, now you can put the back side of the radio back. You just simply-..

               -Screw it up, yes! - Leo said, as he confidently grabbed the right tool, finally.

               -Good, you're catching up fast. - Don smiled.

               -Thank you for your patience, brother. - Leo smiled back.

               For a moment he started wondering, why is it that he doesn't feel so strange and awkward around Donatello, why doesn't he feel the constant need to hug him and why is that there're no butterflies in stomach and the want to get closer, much closer.

               -I-is everything alright? - Don asked a bit hesitantly.

               Leo blinked, nodded silently and smiled. He didn't notice how lost in his thoughts he was and how he was glaring at the radio.

               -I was just..wondering about something.

               -Well you can tell me, maybe I can help? - Don offered kindly.

               -No, thank you, but it's nice of you. - Leo said and he suddenly started to miss Raphael, wondering what he was up to, where was he, what was he doing with Mikey, he then remembered a glimpse of comforting moment from last night snuggles.

               -So...

               -What do you think about Raphael? - Leo blurted out accidentally, both Don and he looked surprised. - I mean...-he fast tried to correct himself, he wasn't that observant how tricky it was to chat with Donatello sometimes, like Raph knew. - Do you uh...think he is changing?

               Don made a smile, he really was trying to put things together right away.

               -I guess. He's still grumpy and all. I can see, however, that you're doing better.

               -T-thanks....-Leo grumbled, somehow disappointed by the answer.

               -And what do you think about him? - Don grinned.

               Leo looked away feeling heat rising to his cheeks.

               -Well, ....I am trying to...well I try to make him understand me and I understanding him? - Leo tried his best to keep his composure.

               -Aham. And how's that going?

               -I...I don't know? I mean as long as noone else sees some changes in the family, I can't tell if I'm succeeding. - Leo said more confidently, proud of his smart answer.

               -Oh. I guess you are. - Don patted Leo's shell with a suggestive grin, then they headed to get Raph and Mikey to start the evening training.

               Leo had the funny idea to have the training for strong movements and meanwhile shouting random  Japanese words, he even had the best samurai style voice acting, and made his brothers laugh, but they all laughed, as they tried and imitated Japanese fighting men accents and shouts, yet they were shouting such words as ''sushi'' and ''kutsu''.

               On the evening, they all settled down for some video gaming, even Donatello sat down, as he was curious about the game Mikey asked for. Raphael and Mikey ended up arguing on which of the customized characters would look like them. Michelangelo kept telling Raphael, that he picks the wrong character and he knew Raphael could customize a character better, meanwhile Raphael stubbornly wanted to keep himself to the awful looking and definitely not his type of customization. Donatello tried to settle them down, meanwhile Leo spoke to their father and he actually was eagerly wondering to make some sushi. When he heard his brothers bickering, he excused himself and went to check what happened, but Raphael was already running off.

               -Gee, Raph, come on, dude, I'm sorry! - Mikey tried, although he really was meaning to tell very positive compliments, which Raphael did not accept.

               -Just let him be. - Donatello sighed.

               -Oookay, what happened? - Leonardo frowned, as he stepped in front of them.

               -I just tried to tell him nice things and he got pissed off. - Mikey rolled his eyes as he sulked, Donatello petted his shell comfortingly.

               -Maybe you should say badass things next time. - Don offered.

               Leonardo sighed.

               -It's alright, Mikey, I'll go and talk with him. - Leo already turned to rush off after Raphael.

               -Maybe don't, I just don't want you guys to argue because of me... - Mikey looked after Leo with a worried expression.

               -Nah, I'm sure he can handle it. - Donatello smiled reassuring both, but his smile didn't reassure Leo at all, he sensed some suspicion, but didn't have the time for that.

               After a long searching, he couldn't find Raphael, he even disturbed Casey and April at a wrong time, but tried to act as if he saw nothing. It got late, so Leonardo gave up and rather went back home. He barely could hide his worry and frustration where Raphael was and he felt awful, when later realized he might have ruined everyone's night by always keep directing focus on Raphael. He thought it was time to clear his mind, so he went to the dojo for some meditation. Since everyone retreated to their rooms, the silence was ruling the lair. Finally he allowed himself to have a moment to not ignore, nor be afraid, rather think his emotions through a bit. Him without even realizing, Raphael gave more and more fuel to his covered up emotions and desires and they surfaced more and more, as if that supposed to be natural, yet weeks or perhaps even months before, Leonardo treated them all as wrong, bad thoughts and emotions to have and should not supposed to be even exist.

               Eventually Leonardo took a deep breath, exhaled and opened his eyes with a confident, firm sparkle in his eyes. He finally understood. He stretched, then went to get some tea and wash the dishes. He tensed up, when he heard the familiar heavy footsteps. He eagerly wanted to turn around and do what came natural, scold and lecture Raphael for his tantrum with Mikey and how he exaggerated things, but instead he just stayed there and rather eagerly hoping to gain Raphael's attention. He was at luck, as Raphael came in and grabbed some beer. Leonardo still didn't turn around, he felt Raphael presence.

               -Hey...-Raphael initiated, as he walked beside Leo and leaned against the counter.

               -Hello. -Leo managed a faint smile.

               Raphael didn't say anything, he seemed to expect something with an impatient frown. Leo didn't say anything.

               -Aren't you going to scold me or something...

               -No. All I ask for is you to reconcile with Michelangelo.

               -I will, no worries.

               -Even if he forgets the whole argument happened?

               -Pf, Leo, trust me he doesn't. Just 'cause he pretends, it doesn't mean he forgets. He just acts cool. I know him. - Raphael grunted, as he sipped from his beer.

               -Hm. Can I ask where were you?

               -Out?

               -More precisely? - Leo glanced up at Raphael.

               Raphael shrugged.

               -Jus' out.

               -Mhm...

               Raphael put the beer down and rather smoothly brushed against Leo, as he embraced the other from behind, placed his cheek on Leo's shoulder, as he slightly rocked them in place, meanwhile allowed his hands to slowly run down from Leo's sides to his waist and thighs.

               -Still in the mood to go out? - Raph whispered on a suggesting tone.

               Leonardo swallowed, as heat built up in his body. There was a wild thought running through his mind as he wanted to say he'd rather have Raphael in his room, but held it back.

               -I think it's very late now, we wouldn't be able to spend much time outside. Besides, you were out already.

               -It's different, when I'm with ya...

               Leo sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment. Somehow the familiar feeling of guilt ran through his mind, as even thought warning himself, he still turned around, wrapped his arms around Raphael's neck and pulled him into rough kissing. This passiveness over common sense he showed, just attacking Raphael right there and then, this eagerness he allowed to himself still felt wrong. But he understood now. Even though he understood why were the frustrating feelings, how he could react way better at this situation and treat Raphael differently, than this, he still just let it all go and selfishly expressed his eagerness, starving for that excitement and pleasure they both needed to hold back for days and pretend as if everything is just fine and none of them both needed any of this. The more he wanted to oppose himself and finally stop and break away, the more angry and needy he got. Raphael couldn't help, but give out a helpless groan in pleasure, as he could barely catch up with Leo's impatient roughness, however losing control like that just turned Raphael on even more. He didn't quite understand why Leonardo got so wild, but he definitely liked it. Leonardo was just simply hot like this.

As the make out session got heated and sometimes even needed to fight for some taking breaths, Raphael grabbed and made Leo sit on the counter, but still hugged him closer, as Leo wrapped his legs around him as much as he could. Leo lowered his hands and absent-mindenly ran down from Raphael's shoulders through his arms, then sneaked in between them, running them through Raphael's plastron, as he couldn't keep his lips away from Raph's. Raphael gave out a muffled, pleased grumble as he grabbed Leonardo's thighs firmly and Pulled them roughly at himself more, but as he was also leaning in and kissing Leo roughly, as Leo's lower side was sliding closer to Raphael, his upper side was being pushed back and resulted the back of his head being crashed against the cupboard installed over the counter. They both froze from the sudden loud noise, Raphael broke the kiss Looking at Leo concerned.

               -Ow.. -Leo grumbled, as he couldn't help, but smile goofily.

               -Sorry...ya okay?

               -Fine. -Leo sat up more, as Raphael planted an apology kiss on his lips, but then he couldn't stop himself to shower Leo's lips with small pecks. - I guess....the kitchen is not the ....right place for this...-Leo grumbled between pecks.

               -Myeah...-Raphael said, he still wasn't really paying attention, as he more than willingly wanted to continue making out.

               -R-Raph, we should...we should stop... -Leo tried, as he finally regained some composure, him turning on started to make him frustrated and nervous.

               -Whyyy...come onnnn .. -Raphael groaned disappointed, still trying to lure Leo back in the mood, he actually felt ready to go further for something more.

               -Raph, please, just....I guess we ..it's enough for tonight... -Leo tried to state more firmly as he lightly pushed Raphael to step aside.

               -I already said sorry, I could kiss it better! -Raphael tried, but when he saw Leo was not willing to give in, he stepped away, rather sitting at the table with his beer and sulking.

               -That's nice of you, but it's not because of that. It's just....it's just that we need to stop. -Leo tried to reconcile, as he took a few deeper breaths to calm down.

               -Ya always do this. Always ruin the moment by breakin' it at the worst possible fuckin' moments...

               Leo sighed. He really didn't have any excuse for that.

               -Look, Raph....I guess we should actually sit down one of these days urgently and talk about these..uhm...these kind of activities we keep allowing to ourselves....

               -Well shit, guess what, I'm not interested in hearin' it! - Raphael annoyedly smacked the bottle in the sink, it breaking and rushing off to his room.

               Leonardo flinched, then glared at Raphael, then sighed, cleaned up and went to his room. It annoyed him incredibly a lot how awfully Raphael acted out. As he calmed down and thought even more as he waited to sleep and thought about things, suddenly he understood why Raphael got so angry. Raphael always added his lowering thought that Leonardo could say ''no'' for all of that one day, by calling it ''giving him the boot''. Maybe he thought Leonardo was finally wanting to do that. Leonardo frowned, actually asking himself, whether if he should really stopped this all. The thought annoyed him too. He didn't just want to stop. Of course his rational mind warned him that that would be the right thing to do. To just lie to Raphael, that whatever they did he never enjoyed it for real and that he can no longer continue it, yet the reality was, he was enjoying it just as much as Raphael, but he also knew that is something that he should not admit, he already did a bad job holding it back as he should. He finally also understood, that he was afraid to admit it, because he was afraid if he has a final answer, everything will change. He was scared of the responsibility, that was so heavy and big. He still wanted to keep everything what he had with his family, with all the family members, not just Raphael. Just because he had other feelings for Raphael, he could not give up his family and their traditions only to have only Raphael. It sounded scary as shell. He was overwhelmed and scared what heavens Raphael could take him and that just cause him to be more and more selfish and just forget that even Master Splinter or Mikey or Donatello or April and Casey even exists. This frightening thought held him back. And it also scared him if he admits he likes Raphael or allowing himself to admit sometimes he has the wild thought as he wants Raphael sexually, Raphael will be so eager he won't even want to hear Leonardo's concerns and will never want to understand him again. He tried to reassure himself that only he was paranoid and he should actually confront Raphael. He needed to finally man up and confront Raphael and his overwhelming, frightening big passion and flood of emotions.

 

Leonardo's confidence from the previous day dissolved for the morning, only the panicking thought stuck in his mind, completely freaked out about the fact that last night he actually wanted to have sex with Raphael and at this point he was certain the confident emotion won't go away that easily. He felt frustrated from the mood of feeling kinky, didn't even want to leave his room, eventually deciding to have a quick jerk off and just keep it together. He kept his composure, as he started his morning routines, waited for his brothers, barely could look into Raphael's eyes, who ignored him anyways. They actually had Master Splinter accompanying them in the dojo for the morning training. Leo was actually grateful, as he really wasn't in the right state to keep the training well.

Leonardo ended up spending most of the day alone or with their father, as Raphael was assertively seeking for Donatello's and Mikey's attention, as if seeking for comfort. He actually already considered that Leo will definitely give him the boot on any day now. He might have been saved for the day, as they planned to go to April's, as was agreed. Obviously the tension between Leonardo and Raphael was so pressuring, that even Mikey sensed it, but Donatello kept shaking his head at him to not mention it. They also knew Master Splinter sensed it and seemed like preparing to confront his sons, but he still just observed them. Leo's mood worsened til the time they needed to prepare to go.

-Would it be a problem if I stay at home...? - Leo asked his family hesitantly.

At the question even Raphael raised his head curiously.

-I've noticed you don't seem to feel alright. If you need some time of solitude, you may stay home. - Master Splinter said, as he patted Leo's arms reassuringly.

-Yay, that means if April prepared some goodies, then I can have Leo's piece! - Mikey grinned, then got a smack from Don.

Raphael glared at Leo annoyed, he did that annoying thing where he stubbornly glared at Leo until their gaze met and had a non-verbal argument, but Leo kept up a faint smile and ignored him.      

-Thank you, sensei. Have a safe trip and have fun! - Leo bowed at his family.

Raphael waited until the others went ahead and he stepped back, leaning in Leo's face.

-Seriously?! - Raphael growled between his teeth.

-Just go. - Leo whispered back with a firm, emotionless expression.

Mikey looked back questioningly, but Don pulled him out on the exit.

-I won't go, if ya don't.

-Raphael, please...

-Do ya really hate bein' with me this much?

-Raphael, just go. Why would everything be about you?! Whatever I do, it's not just only about you!

Raphael blinked surprised.

-Why would everythin' be 'bout me...? - he asked confused.

Leo lowered his head in embarrassment. That was indeed a stupid thing to say.

-Sorry, just..go...

Raphael sighed, then shrugged, giving up. He looked at the exit, noone was there, so he grabbed Leo's chin and raised Leo's head. Leo sighed, closed his eyes. He really didn't want this kiss...

.....

 ..then he opened his eyes, as there were no kisses, just a Raphael smiling at him reassuringly, gently patting his cheek as a sign of saying ''lighten up, bro'', then went off. The softness and the simple gesture from Raphael did magic for Leo. It actually made his day. It was just a simple brotherly gesture, that Leo was starting to be uncertain in the last days, that Raphael will ever show between them again. The sexy, eager Raphael was attractive and he enjoyed him, but he missed the Raphael, that was simply just his grumpy, yet emotional, sweet, big softie brother.

Leo just stood there with a wide smile, shivering in satisfaction and the warm feeling in his heart, that his family carved there.

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