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Even I can't make THIS shit up.\n\nFUCK YOU, I'M A DR.[AGON] KING!\n\nI want to start this journal off by saying: hello my fellow FurFags, from thA real oG Malachi / Briona Campbell! My apologies for the previous Mental-Illness-fueled entry. It has been some time since I've been grounded to my saner side. I have quite a tale to regale, & after my recent 37 month long nervous breakdown, I'm hoping that some of you who may have been confused by my words & actions over the years might take a moment to read this journal entry to gain some understanding. \n\nIn 2018, the pineal gland in my brain spontaneously burst open, and it gave me extremely profound Amnesia. The event complicated a pre-existing, undiagnosed case of DiD, formerly known as MPD, or, Multiple Personality Disorder. Essentially, by the time my illness had fully surfaced at age 33, my internal System was such a mess, that I was pretty much programmed to self-sabotage. I was very sick from May of 2018, straight up until June 7th, 2021, just shy of one month ago. That's how long I was sick- 3 years straight. \n\nIt took me from age 33 - age 37 to cycle through my very severe sickness.\n\nJune 7th, I finally came back to Lucidity as the true Host, Briona Campbell. From May '18-June '21, I was chronically blacking out & being puppeteered by very FERAL, confused, aggressive, angry, abused, delusional & disoriented Alters. Eventually, my entire System was having severe difficulty separating \"Reality\" from the Nightmare that had been brewing in my subconscious for 36 years of my life. This is because I have what's referred to as a \"Persecutor\" Alter.\n\nHe's known as \"The Dr.[agon] King\" by my System, and he's an extremely problematic component of my Disorder. He was telling my System that he was \"The Voice of God\". He was influencing a scared & naive \"Little\" (younger) Alter to get lost in a delusional Nightmare. The Little Alter's name is \"Sparrow\", & May 23rd 2021, \"Sparrow's\" poor little brain finally broke wide open, thanks to \"The Voice of God\". So how did my 3 years of Madness finally stop? What made \"Sparrow's\" wild ride come to an end? It's a bit eerie, actually. \n\nBy the time June 7th rolled around, \"Sparrow\" got so incredibly sick from the \"Persecutor\" Alter's influence, that I (Briona) finally Switched back into control. As soon as I was composed, after I shook off all the weird posts & messages on my phone that I didn't fully recall writing, I immediately started writing down my major symptoms. I looked over my symptoms, & I thought the words \"Split Personality\" & it was like a curse lifted- I suddenly saw a light at the end of the tunnel. \n\nThen, the narrator stumbled & slid into the light.\n\nI immediately looked up a Diagnostic Criteria chart for Multiple Personality Disorder, read it & suddenly, \"The Voice of God\" vanished. For the first time in 37 months, Briona Campbell was no longer being Guided By Voices & Alters. It was almost as though- upon becoming consciously aware of my own DiD, my illness was SMART enough to recognize that it had \"been spotted\" & it retreated back into my psyche. It was kinda like \"The Dr.[agon] King\" accepted that I wouldn't allow him to fool \"Sparrow\" anymore. Very, very creepy.\n\nThat's why I flipped the fuck out about Cub Porn on FurAffinity in 2010. In '10, my mother died in front of me after I spent the day caring for her dying body. The event traumatized me so severely, that in November of 2010, an Alter State stepped in, & took control of my body. People on FA, at the time, saw me freaking out about \"liking sex too young\" online & on my social media. However, in real life, my Alter State was busy accusing my two older brothers of using me as their personal sex toy growing up.\n\nThen, by day four of my very severe FA '10 breakdown, my neglectful & abusive partner FINALLY decided to call some paramedics. My oldest brother, who normally never gives two fucks about me, was suddenly present at MY mental hospital every single day, speaking to MY doctors. He would try to talk to me daily & I would scream everytime I saw him. Eventually, the nurses no longer let him attempt visiting me. \n\nI eventually blacked out in the hospital, and by the time I came-to, I was misdiagnosed Bipolar 1 & my rape accusations were called \"delusions\".\n\nAnd that is why you guys saw Breezy the Malachi lose her shit in 2010. It wasn't even really technically me. My brothers had so effectively convinced me that they didn't molest me, that I started thinking I was a pedophile, because of what I said in my Alter State on FA. I knew in my heart & loins that, that couldn't be possible. However, I was very confused & ashamed. I didn't know I had DiD. I was so sure that everyone in the Furry Community was left with the impression that I'm some sex weirdo. I went into hiding & a deep depression.\n\nHow am I so sure that it's DiD? Well, it explains my entire life, for one thing. I used to have no conscious memory of my life prior to the age of 12. I was the Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family Unit, & I had two older brothers. They were what's known as \"Golden Children\". The Golden Children do no wrong. So, in my household, the dynamic was: selfish rapist boys are very worthy, but dirty slutty girls are unworthy.\n\nMy older brothers raped me so brutally, that I Split off into a full-blown Canine Alter. That's why I've been a FurFag since age 4. That's the entire make-up of my Alter's psyche and identity- Canid. I've named her \"DeeOgee\". She can't exactly be \"reasoned with\" in terms of sentient, human intelligence, as \"DeeOgee\" does not appear to be able to fully comprehend language. Back around 1997 or 1998, I turned into \"DeeOgee\" after I had my heart broken by my first consensual sex partner. \n\nWhen I was 13 years old, I was groomed by an 18 year old Hebephile in my hometown who confided in me that he has a taste for Virgin Blood. After he got what he wanted from me, when I turned 14, he emotionally Discarded me & strung me along as though he cared about me for about 8 or 9 months. I was hypersexual with the Hebephile, as soon as I was comfortable getting naked with him. I still struggle with letting men perform cunnilingus on me today, because he got me so obsessed with oral sex so young. \n\nI eventually discovered that he'd started cheating on me, right after he thought he'd popped my long-gone cherry. I was incredibly devastated, & severely heartbroken. My mother reported to me, that- after I'd dumped the Hebephile, I started walking around on all 4s, barking & howling like a dog in agony. She said that I wouldn't speak or eat, and I didn't appear to understand her. I was just barking, whining, and crawling around on my hands & knees. She said that I stayed in this state for a full 2 week period, and I retain no memory of it whatsoever. \n\nEverytime my mother mentioned it, which was fairly often, the men went quiet over that story. The men never, ever remarked on that event, not even to mock me. Not once. It embarrassed me quite badly at the time, my mum mentioning it so much, but now I'm very grateful that she did. It was a golden opportunity to make fun of me, though. I very much noticed that neither of my proud, asshole brothers bothered making fun of me for it, either. They rarely missed any opportunities to humiliate me around that age. \n\nJust recently, back in 2019, one year after the onset of my \"Chronic Switching\", I got arrested in a hood called HOMA, here in Montréal, QC, Canada, for causing a disturbance that I have almost no memory of. I only have one memory, as a matter of fact- a very important one. When the Police arrested me & put me in the back seat, I immediately started barking & panting. It was very hot outside, I remember slamming my head up agains't the bars & glass in the car, and I just kept panting, barking & whining a bit. \n\nAfter that moment, my memory goes completely black for several weeks. By the time I'd reached a state of semi-lucidity again, I was very mysteriously suddenly homeless again, when just prior I'd been renting by the month. I'd say my blackout after the arrest lasted a good month. At the time, I was incredibly confused & humiliated by the brief, foggy memory of \"turning into a dog\" in the cop car. However, in my newfound lucidity, it's actually a very important look into my deeper psyche & nothing at all to be ashamed about.\n\nWhen I'd ended up homeless on the streets of Montréal in July 2018, my Golden Children siblings and their BFF, my abusive ex husband, shut me out as a unit & Stonewalled me a month later in August 2018. Just one month after their apparent vow of silence, my eldest brother suddenly sent me a text message out of nowhere, & I remember it like it was yesterday. \n\nIt was just 3 days before my 35th birthday, September 16th 2018. I was sitting on a bench along Blvd Maisonneuve with a bottle of Fireball I'd purchased with my Annuity cheque, & very unexpectedly, my brother's text popped up. When you read what his text message said, I want you to really read between the lines. It said:\n\n\"Do you remember the Halloween you dressed up as a witch?\"\n\nEven though I couldn't remember, I knew why he was asking, & I knew what he meant by it immediately. I gritted my teeth, my eyes filled with tears of rage. I drew a deep, trembling breath & with shaking fingers, I replied simply- \n\n\"No.\"\n\nWe have not spoken since. I can recall an image in my head, a photograph of me dressed up in a witch costume. I would have been about 6, maybe 7 years old, I'd say.\n\nThe Christmas before my mother died in 2010, she showed me some Pornography that I had drawn at around age 10 or 11, & I was extremely humiliated. I started to cry and asked her \"mum, why did you save these & show them to me?\"\n\nMy mother looked down for several seconds & furrowed her brow. Then she looked over at my brothers on the couch opposite to us & stared at them very hard for a moment, with what seemed like a look of contempt; then, she leaned in close & whispered- \n\n\"Briona, one day, these drawings will explain something to you about yourself...\" then, she glanced at my brothers again, looked back to me, grabbed my right arm (the one that I formerly used to self-mutilate) then she said to me, \"...and I promise you, that one day you will be proud of your scars.\" \n\nAt the time, I felt pretty puzzled. But, in retrospect, it seems like she was trying to \"tell me\" that she suspected my brothers of doing something sexual to me, without \"saying it\". I'm guessing it was because my brothers were present, but, it's too bad that she never pulled me aside to elaborate further on that cryptic but very memorable, key moment. Maybe she knew something that could have broadened my picture.\n\nThe first time my mom caught me for drawing Porn I was about 8 years old, & my mother very irresponsibly shamed me for it, rather than having a talk with my older brothers & I about why I was drawing it to begin with. Maybe thoughts surrounding her inappropriate reaction to my illicit illustrations weighed upon her as she crept closer to her Maker. \n\nMy mother was not very good to me. She gave me a lot of rage & vitrol, referred to me as \"slut\" a lot around ages 14-16, Gas Lit me my entire life, she even called me a \"dirty girl\" while tackling me in the bathroom once, it was like something out of a movie, sometimes. My mom was a super demented drunk, & she did some extremely inappropriate stuff with me.\n\nI always got this feeling that maybe my mom felt guilty for not recognizing the possibility of my brothers molesting me until 6 months before her deathbed, from which she could no longer protect me. I cared for my mother by myself the entire day she died (July 17, 2010), my eldest brother only showed up about 40 minutes before her last breath. The day after she died, my brothers acted extremely peculiar. \n\nAfter my divorce, I found out that my brothers had Smear Campaigned me, lied & told everyone that they were actually the ones who took care of our mum while she died. Neither of them were even in Pictou County the day our mother died, one was in Halifax, NS & the other was in NFLD. To add insult to injury, they said that I sat at the kitchen table doing drugs the entire time. I've never touched a hard drug in my entire life, & all I do is smoke weed. \n\nWhen my brothers left me to care for her alone that day despite my reaching out, it deeply traumatized me & initiated an 8 year long depression that nearly killed me. They owed me a huge apology to begin with, so to lie about the circumstances of what happened that day was a very hard slap across my face. My brothers flipped the script on me my entire life over, because they knew that, one day, I'd remember what they did to me.\n\nIn fact- I'm 99% sure that my brothers Diagnosed me DiD when I turned into my Canine Alter in 1997-98, and that's why my eldest brother \"EViL\" was so unusually present at the mental hospital that called my (TRUE) sex abuse allegations \"Delusions\". \n\nOh yeah, because I just WISH I coulda smashed with Ginger James Dean, eh? Geez... my big bro the bAbYbANGER, super fuckin' cool guy, I am tellin' ya.\n\nI digress- The final point I wanted to make mention of in this journal entry is this (and I DO want to make this EXTREMELY FUCKING CRYSTAL clear): the rape allegations I've made regarding J.Bernal \"EvilArtNazi\" of SexyFur are NOT FALSE! THEY ARE, UNFORTUNATELY, ALL TOO TRUE & JEREMY THE RAPIST SCARRED ME FOR LIFE!\n\nIn 2006, it was mid-May - early June. I met the Nova Scotia FurFags for the first time ever, & they called me \"The Legendary Malachi\", because, for one- none of them EVER believed I really lived in a small rural town in Nova Scotia. Two- all of them were POSITIVE that I was male. One of the NS FurFags told Bernal that I'm actually a super hot chick, so Bernal got in touch with me. I was star struck by his PopuFur status & sent him some nudes. \n\nSoon after, he suggested meeting up half-way at a hotel in New Brunswick, Canada, to bang & I agreed (he was docked in Maine at the time, I was in Halifax, NS). \n\nEverything was okay for the first couple nights. He was a cold, unfeeling shithead, but, I got to watch him colour, which really jazzed me. Night two or three, he introduced to me a blue, translucent 3 foot long dildo, about 4-5\" thick. He said he wanted to use it on me, I very timidly & hesitantly agreed like the \"Yes Man\" I was, at the time. He instructed me to get onto my knees, and I did. He forced the dildo into me as far as it would go.\n\nBernal then announced that he was going to fuck me in the ass, and I shouted \"NO, DON'T, YOUR DICK IS TOO BIG, DON'T, PLEASE\".\n\nBernal really is working with a Coke Can, too.\n\nFor a second time, Jeremy Bernal said \"I'm gonna do it\" and again I said \"NO, DON'T!\" & I started to struggle, but the dildo was keeping me locked in place on my knees somehow.\n\nHe made some type of third announcement, and I pleaded \"no\" one third & final time. Then- he forced his dick into my ass, and tore me wide open. \n\nI screamed at the top of my lungs in agony.\n\nJeremy Bernal is SUCH a classy guy that he jumped off of me, off of the bed, and onto the floor and THEN he GOT IN MY FACE & YELLED AT ME:\n\n\"YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER MY DICK!\"\n\nOH.\n\nDID I?\n\nSO SORRY, RAPIST.\n\nAdolph the Skunk Fucker rushed to the washroom to wash his poor bloody penis, while I laid there, humiliated and violated, naked on the bed with my ass in the air, with a 3 foot dildo jammed in my pussy & blood running down my thighs.\n\nI now have a permanent FISSURE for the rest of my life, my ass bleeds & itches every single day.\n\nBut I'M THE ASSHOLE, because-\n\nI got blood on Jeremy Bernal's penis, and, THEN he had to WASH his poor little penis.\n\nWow. \n\nWell, I guess I'm just the WORST rape victim that Mister Furry Porn Hitler ever had!\n\nHe has NO idea, because if my book series takes off, I am gonna put that asshole on blast in my comic book series \"Street Angel;Rude Awakening\". I will find ways to convey my story, skirt the laws & still expose the shitheads that deserve it.\n\nWhatever my last journal entry said- it was written by some seriously Schizophrenic nonsense, and there's no way I could possibly remember it. I was way too fucking sick when I wrote it. I did screen cap everything before I deleted it, for the sake of my book, but, if you decide to reply- just forget about the last journal. It's basically a mystery to me, for now. So, consider it irrelevant. \n\nI've got a \"Clean Slate\" theme going since my newfound Lucidity & Sanity June 7th. \n\nNow that my sickness has passed, & my Disorder is has fully Surfaced for the first time in my life, it's time to break up the T-Party in Wonderland & brew up a fresh pot!\n\nPS: I have no memory of creating the attached drawing. It's entitled \"Brotherly Lover\" & it was apparently drawn about a year ago, according to the date on the sketch.\n\nI will be meeting my new DiD therapist for the first time tomorrow morning.\n\nThanks for reading that, if you did.\n\nMuch love, \nBriona \naKa Malachi⁰²³ Hyena / Yeenagrin\n\nNēth ēr'Đēth Ēlvy\nW0ē Systēm:\nWhitĒWiĐ0W @ Wēb 0f Ēg;-0: \nhost·ess\n/ˈhōstəs/","description_bbcode_parsed":"READ ENTIRE POST BEFORE COMMENTARY, MERCi BUCKETS :3
[TRiGGER WARNiNG: inexplicit mentions of child sex abuse, themes of Incest, graphic & violent description of famous furry artist raping me]
SPOiLER: turns out- Malachi is a FurFag because a sadistic Nepiophile nicknamed "EViL" gave her a Canine Alter. Even I can't make THIS shit up.
FUCK YOU, I'M A DR.[AGON] KING!
I want to start this journal off by saying: hello my fellow FurFags, from thA real oG Malachi / Briona Campbell! My apologies for the previous Mental-Illness-fueled entry. It has been some time since I've been grounded to my saner side. I have quite a tale to regale, & after my recent 37 month long nervous breakdown, I'm hoping that some of you who may have been confused by my words & actions over the years might take a moment to read this journal entry to gain some understanding.
In 2018, the pineal gland in my brain spontaneously burst open, and it gave me extremely profound Amnesia. The event complicated a pre-existing, undiagnosed case of DiD, formerly known as MPD, or, Multiple Personality Disorder. Essentially, by the time my illness had fully surfaced at age 33, my internal System was such a mess, that I was pretty much programmed to self-sabotage. I was very sick from May of 2018, straight up until June 7th, 2021, just shy of one month ago. That's how long I was sick- 3 years straight.
It took me from age 33 - age 37 to cycle through my very severe sickness.
June 7th, I finally came back to Lucidity as the true Host, Briona Campbell. From May '18-June '21, I was chronically blacking out & being puppeteered by very FERAL, confused, aggressive, angry, abused, delusional & disoriented Alters. Eventually, my entire System was having severe difficulty separating "Reality" from the Nightmare that had been brewing in my subconscious for 36 years of my life. This is because I have what's referred to as a "Persecutor" Alter.
He's known as "The Dr.[agon] King" by my System, and he's an extremely problematic component of my Disorder. He was telling my System that he was "The Voice of God". He was influencing a scared & naive "Little" (younger) Alter to get lost in a delusional Nightmare. The Little Alter's name is "Sparrow", & May 23rd 2021, "Sparrow's" poor little brain finally broke wide open, thanks to "The Voice of God". So how did my 3 years of Madness finally stop? What made "Sparrow's" wild ride come to an end? It's a bit eerie, actually.
By the time June 7th rolled around, "Sparrow" got so incredibly sick from the "Persecutor" Alter's influence, that I (Briona) finally Switched back into control. As soon as I was composed, after I shook off all the weird posts & messages on my phone that I didn't fully recall writing, I immediately started writing down my major symptoms. I looked over my symptoms, & I thought the words "Split Personality" & it was like a curse lifted- I suddenly saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then, the narrator stumbled & slid into the light.
I immediately looked up a Diagnostic Criteria chart for Multiple Personality Disorder, read it & suddenly, "The Voice of God" vanished. For the first time in 37 months, Briona Campbell was no longer being Guided By Voices & Alters. It was almost as though- upon becoming consciously aware of my own DiD, my illness was SMART enough to recognize that it had "been spotted" & it retreated back into my psyche. It was kinda like "The Dr.[agon] King" accepted that I wouldn't allow him to fool "Sparrow" anymore. Very, very creepy.
That's why I flipped the fuck out about Cub Porn on FurAffinity in 2010. In '10, my mother died in front of me after I spent the day caring for her dying body. The event traumatized me so severely, that in November of 2010, an Alter State stepped in, & took control of my body. People on FA, at the time, saw me freaking out about "liking sex too young" online & on my social media. However, in real life, my Alter State was busy accusing my two older brothers of using me as their personal sex toy growing up.
Then, by day four of my very severe FA '10 breakdown, my neglectful & abusive partner FINALLY decided to call some paramedics. My oldest brother, who normally never gives two fucks about me, was suddenly present at MY mental hospital every single day, speaking to MY doctors. He would try to talk to me daily & I would scream everytime I saw him. Eventually, the nurses no longer let him attempt visiting me.
I eventually blacked out in the hospital, and by the time I came-to, I was misdiagnosed Bipolar 1 & my rape accusations were called "delusions".
And that is why you guys saw Breezy the Malachi lose her shit in 2010. It wasn't even really technically me. My brothers had so effectively convinced me that they didn't molest me, that I started thinking I was a pedophile, because of what I said in my Alter State on FA. I knew in my heart & loins that, that couldn't be possible. However, I was very confused & ashamed. I didn't know I had DiD. I was so sure that everyone in the Furry Community was left with the impression that I'm some sex weirdo. I went into hiding & a deep depression.
How am I so sure that it's DiD? Well, it explains my entire life, for one thing. I used to have no conscious memory of my life prior to the age of 12. I was the Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family Unit, & I had two older brothers. They were what's known as "Golden Children". The Golden Children do no wrong. So, in my household, the dynamic was: selfish rapist boys are very worthy, but dirty slutty girls are unworthy.
My older brothers raped me so brutally, that I Split off into a full-blown Canine Alter. That's why I've been a FurFag since age 4. That's the entire make-up of my Alter's psyche and identity- Canid. I've named her "DeeOgee". She can't exactly be "reasoned with" in terms of sentient, human intelligence, as "DeeOgee" does not appear to be able to fully comprehend language. Back around 1997 or 1998, I turned into "DeeOgee" after I had my heart broken by my first consensual sex partner.
When I was 13 years old, I was groomed by an 18 year old Hebephile in my hometown who confided in me that he has a taste for Virgin Blood. After he got what he wanted from me, when I turned 14, he emotionally Discarded me & strung me along as though he cared about me for about 8 or 9 months. I was hypersexual with the Hebephile, as soon as I was comfortable getting naked with him. I still struggle with letting men perform cunnilingus on me today, because he got me so obsessed with oral sex so young.
I eventually discovered that he'd started cheating on me, right after he thought he'd popped my long-gone cherry. I was incredibly devastated, & severely heartbroken. My mother reported to me, that- after I'd dumped the Hebephile, I started walking around on all 4s, barking & howling like a dog in agony. She said that I wouldn't speak or eat, and I didn't appear to understand her. I was just barking, whining, and crawling around on my hands & knees. She said that I stayed in this state for a full 2 week period, and I retain no memory of it whatsoever.
Everytime my mother mentioned it, which was fairly often, the men went quiet over that story. The men never, ever remarked on that event, not even to mock me. Not once. It embarrassed me quite badly at the time, my mum mentioning it so much, but now I'm very grateful that she did. It was a golden opportunity to make fun of me, though. I very much noticed that neither of my proud, asshole brothers bothered making fun of me for it, either. They rarely missed any opportunities to humiliate me around that age.
Just recently, back in 2019, one year after the onset of my "Chronic Switching", I got arrested in a hood called HOMA, here in Montréal, QC, Canada, for causing a disturbance that I have almost no memory of. I only have one memory, as a matter of fact- a very important one. When the Police arrested me & put me in the back seat, I immediately started barking & panting. It was very hot outside, I remember slamming my head up agains't the bars & glass in the car, and I just kept panting, barking & whining a bit.
After that moment, my memory goes completely black for several weeks. By the time I'd reached a state of semi-lucidity again, I was very mysteriously suddenly homeless again, when just prior I'd been renting by the month. I'd say my blackout after the arrest lasted a good month. At the time, I was incredibly confused & humiliated by the brief, foggy memory of "turning into a dog" in the cop car. However, in my newfound lucidity, it's actually a very important look into my deeper psyche & nothing at all to be ashamed about.
When I'd ended up homeless on the streets of Montréal in July 2018, my Golden Children siblings and their BFF, my abusive ex husband, shut me out as a unit & Stonewalled me a month later in August 2018. Just one month after their apparent vow of silence, my eldest brother suddenly sent me a text message out of nowhere, & I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was just 3 days before my 35th birthday, September 16th 2018. I was sitting on a bench along Blvd Maisonneuve with a bottle of Fireball I'd purchased with my Annuity cheque, & very unexpectedly, my brother's text popped up. When you read what his text message said, I want you to really read between the lines. It said:
"Do you remember the Halloween you dressed up as a witch?"
Even though I couldn't remember, I knew why he was asking, & I knew what he meant by it immediately. I gritted my teeth, my eyes filled with tears of rage. I drew a deep, trembling breath & with shaking fingers, I replied simply-
"No."
We have not spoken since. I can recall an image in my head, a photograph of me dressed up in a witch costume. I would have been about 6, maybe 7 years old, I'd say.
The Christmas before my mother died in 2010, she showed me some Pornography that I had drawn at around age 10 or 11, & I was extremely humiliated. I started to cry and asked her "mum, why did you save these & show them to me?"
My mother looked down for several seconds & furrowed her brow. Then she looked over at my brothers on the couch opposite to us & stared at them very hard for a moment, with what seemed like a look of contempt; then, she leaned in close & whispered-
"Briona, one day, these drawings will explain something to you about yourself..." then, she glanced at my brothers again, looked back to me, grabbed my right arm (the one that I formerly used to self-mutilate) then she said to me, "...and I promise you, that one day you will be proud of your scars."
At the time, I felt pretty puzzled. But, in retrospect, it seems like she was trying to "tell me" that she suspected my brothers of doing something sexual to me, without "saying it". I'm guessing it was because my brothers were present, but, it's too bad that she never pulled me aside to elaborate further on that cryptic but very memorable, key moment. Maybe she knew something that could have broadened my picture.
The first time my mom caught me for drawing Porn I was about 8 years old, & my mother very irresponsibly shamed me for it, rather than having a talk with my older brothers & I about why I was drawing it to begin with. Maybe thoughts surrounding her inappropriate reaction to my illicit illustrations weighed upon her as she crept closer to her Maker.
My mother was not very good to me. She gave me a lot of rage & vitrol, referred to me as "slut" a lot around ages 14-16, Gas Lit me my entire life, she even called me a "dirty girl" while tackling me in the bathroom once, it was like something out of a movie, sometimes. My mom was a super demented drunk, & she did some extremely inappropriate stuff with me.
I always got this feeling that maybe my mom felt guilty for not recognizing the possibility of my brothers molesting me until 6 months before her deathbed, from which she could no longer protect me. I cared for my mother by myself the entire day she died (July 17, 2010), my eldest brother only showed up about 40 minutes before her last breath. The day after she died, my brothers acted extremely peculiar.
After my divorce, I found out that my brothers had Smear Campaigned me, lied & told everyone that they were actually the ones who took care of our mum while she died. Neither of them were even in Pictou County the day our mother died, one was in Halifax, NS & the other was in NFLD. To add insult to injury, they said that I sat at the kitchen table doing drugs the entire time. I've never touched a hard drug in my entire life, & all I do is smoke weed.
When my brothers left me to care for her alone that day despite my reaching out, it deeply traumatized me & initiated an 8 year long depression that nearly killed me. They owed me a huge apology to begin with, so to lie about the circumstances of what happened that day was a very hard slap across my face. My brothers flipped the script on me my entire life over, because they knew that, one day, I'd remember what they did to me.
In fact- I'm 99% sure that my brothers Diagnosed me DiD when I turned into my Canine Alter in 1997-98, and that's why my eldest brother "EViL" was so unusually present at the mental hospital that called my (TRUE) sex abuse allegations "Delusions".
Oh yeah, because I just WISH I coulda smashed with Ginger James Dean, eh? Geez... my big bro the bAbYbANGER, super fuckin' cool guy, I am tellin' ya.
I digress- The final point I wanted to make mention of in this journal entry is this (and I DO want to make this EXTREMELY FUCKING CRYSTAL clear): the rape allegations I've made regarding J.Bernal "EvilArtNazi" of SexyFur are NOT FALSE! THEY ARE, UNFORTUNATELY, ALL TOO TRUE & JEREMY THE RAPIST SCARRED ME FOR LIFE!
In 2006, it was mid-May - early June. I met the Nova Scotia FurFags for the first time ever, & they called me "The Legendary Malachi", because, for one- none of them EVER believed I really lived in a small rural town in Nova Scotia. Two- all of them were POSITIVE that I was male. One of the NS FurFags told Bernal that I'm actually a super hot chick, so Bernal got in touch with me. I was star struck by his PopuFur status & sent him some nudes.
Soon after, he suggested meeting up half-way at a hotel in New Brunswick, Canada, to bang & I agreed (he was docked in Maine at the time, I was in Halifax, NS).
Everything was okay for the first couple nights. He was a cold, unfeeling shithead, but, I got to watch him colour, which really jazzed me. Night two or three, he introduced to me a blue, translucent 3 foot long dildo, about 4-5" thick. He said he wanted to use it on me, I very timidly & hesitantly agreed like the "Yes Man" I was, at the time. He instructed me to get onto my knees, and I did. He forced the dildo into me as far as it would go.
Bernal then announced that he was going to fuck me in the ass, and I shouted "NO, DON'T, YOUR DICK IS TOO BIG, DON'T, PLEASE".
Bernal really is working with a Coke Can, too.
For a second time, Jeremy Bernal said "I'm gonna do it" and again I said "NO, DON'T!" & I started to struggle, but the dildo was keeping me locked in place on my knees somehow.
He made some type of third announcement, and I pleaded "no" one third & final time. Then- he forced his dick into my ass, and tore me wide open.
I screamed at the top of my lungs in agony.
Jeremy Bernal is SUCH a classy guy that he jumped off of me, off of the bed, and onto the floor and THEN he GOT IN MY FACE & YELLED AT ME:
"YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER MY DICK!"
OH.
DID I?
SO SORRY, RAPIST.
Adolph the Skunk Fucker rushed to the washroom to wash his poor bloody penis, while I laid there, humiliated and violated, naked on the bed with my ass in the air, with a 3 foot dildo jammed in my pussy & blood running down my thighs.
I now have a permanent FISSURE for the rest of my life, my ass bleeds & itches every single day.
But I'M THE ASSHOLE, because-
I got blood on Jeremy Bernal's penis, and, THEN he had to WASH his poor little penis.
Wow.
Well, I guess I'm just the WORST rape victim that Mister Furry Porn Hitler ever had!
He has NO idea, because if my book series takes off, I am gonna put that asshole on blast in my comic book series "Street Angel;Rude Awakening". I will find ways to convey my story, skirt the laws & still expose the shitheads that deserve it.
Whatever my last journal entry said- it was written by some seriously Schizophrenic nonsense, and there's no way I could possibly remember it. I was way too fucking sick when I wrote it. I did screen cap everything before I deleted it, for the sake of my book, but, if you decide to reply- just forget about the last journal. It's basically a mystery to me, for now. So, consider it irrelevant.
I've got a "Clean Slate" theme going since my newfound Lucidity & Sanity June 7th.
Now that my sickness has passed, & my Disorder is has fully Surfaced for the first time in my life, it's time to break up the T-Party in Wonderland & brew up a fresh pot!
PS: I have no memory of creating the attached drawing. It's entitled "Brotherly Lover" & it was apparently drawn about a year ago, according to the date on the sketch.
I will be meeting my new DiD therapist for the first time tomorrow morning.
Thanks for reading that, if you did.
Much love,
Briona
aKa Malachi⁰²³ Hyena / Yeenagrin
Nēth ēr'Đēth Ēlvy
W0ē Systēm:
WhitĒWiĐ0W @ Wēb 0f Ēg;-0:
host·ess
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