System Oversight When the end came for Zack, it kind of sucked. At 18 years of age, he was close to finishing high school. Not senior-close, no; he was a Junior cause he was born in a December, and everyone told him that he should repeat his fourth grade to avoid being the smallest kid in class. Yes, well, he didn’t get to go into his second fourth year being the biggest kid either, as he’d assumed he would. But at the very least, that should’ve gotten him a girlfriend at some point, shouldn’t it have? He was above average in height throughout most of school but, for some reason, that didn’t translate into women dropping like flies. And he KNEW that girls liked tall guys. Maybe, by the time that getting a chick was on the cards, he’d inadvertently missed the window of time where his height difference was at its best? It didn’t matter in the end, because he still got no pussy. And that meant that he got fucked by all of those 4th grade teachers. Of course, he couldn’t jack it all up to height. No, the girls went blind for guys doing sports and shit. It made them miss all the nasty sweat and strong BO that came with running a ball all day. Somehow, girls were also impressed by how these assholes could all pose and “show off” their muscles as if Zack didn’t have some either. Like, he didn’t work out-why would he waste his time on that?-but Zack had some muscle. Yeah, when he flexed his bicep a bulge came up and everything. Not as big as some of the neanderthals that probably took illegal steroids to be as big as they were, but Zack had something to show! And, fuck it, he had a belly, but what of it? A bit of chub was considered attractive in ancient Greece, and Zack just so happened to be naturally handsome by those standards. But no, people acted as though he were fat. So you know what? Fuck them. If Odysseys were around he would beg Zack to be in his crew! Like, he thought people who did sports were dumb “chads” but he was sure he would excel at those sports if he tried. He just didn’t want to. Not that he could talk about what Greek heroes would or would not do, because he didn’t want people to think that he was a nerd. And he wasn’t: he had the bad grades to prove it! But did girls see that? Of course not, why would they? Then again, he supposed that, heh, they were a bit too young to see value for what it was. It was his fault, really, for being much too mature for them. So yeah, Zack was graduating, turning into a Senior next year. Maybe he could hit up one of the new freshmen coming in next year and find somebody who properly appreciated his maturity for once. On the other hand, he could give the girls in his class one last chance to experience what they were missing out on before he was done with high school. But that was one of his flaws talking: he always was too considerate of others. But, of course, none of these things happened. Zack got hit by a truck. “What the FUCK!” he screamed in a strange forest in the middle of nowhere. One second, he was crossing the street, properly appreciating the short skirt a middle schooler had, when the screech of brakes biting into four sets of wheels had him look up. A blue semi-truck, with its driver looking at him with wide, panicked eyes, came careening into him. Zack could have easily jumped out of the way, he was sure, if he’d had time to stretch and warm up beforehand. But as it was, the thing took him by surprise. The brief, but extremely PAINFUL, collision sent his whole world into black. And then he was opening his eyes in the middle of a secluded but comfy forest. If it were just the circumstances in which he found himself, he would have just assumed that the trucker had tried to hide his body somewhere. Stupid of him to assume that Zack would be dead after only getting run over. But he wasn’t about to complain. However, if he went with that, he would ALSO have to assume that the trucker stripped him and dressed him up in a World of Warcraft cosplay. Or was The Witcher a better description? Not only did Zack awake in the middle of nowhere, but he awoke with mostly leather armor on. He had shoulder pads made of hardened leather, vambraces made of iron. His cuirass was also hardened leather, but the tasses were made of cloth. His greaves were also iron, but they were covered by, yep, leather boots. Getting up made him notice a weight dangling at his side, driving him to examine it. He almost squealed as he saw it. A sword! A classical European long sword with a long hilt and a big ass crossguard was sheathed at his waist. The sound the thing made as he pulled it out, though, was really underwhelming so for a moment he doubted whether it was real or not. To the point that he paused and considered the notion that this was all fake. The sword was double-bladed, with two wedges opposite each other forming its blade. It looked pretty solid, but that didn’t stop Zack from having doubts. So he passed his thumb through its edge, and slid it down. “Fuck, it’s real!” Zack moaned as blood started seeping from the cut it formed. So, this was no joke. The things that he had on weren’t fake. So that left the question: Why? Why had he woken up in the middle of the bumfuck end of nowhere, with a bunch of HEMA shit on? And then it happened. His interface opened. Floating in the air, as if it were a hologram, stood a screen that had all of his stats. Name: Zack Faire Age: 18 Height: 5’8” Weight: 86kg- “What?” Zack interjected as he read, “What do you mean kilograms? Who made this bullshit?” The interface paused and then changed the last number Weight: 190lb “Yeah, that’s better,” Zack grumbled. Strength: 5 Agility: 3 Endurance: 4 Intelligence: 5 Wisdom: 2 “Shouldn’t that be higher?” Zack tapped his chin as he considered the strength and agility scores. The wisdom stat, of course, did not bother him one bit. All gamers knew that wisdom was a dump stat, anyway. And that realization made it impossible to keep the grin off his face. “This is…this is a fucking Gamer system,” he said with barely concealed glee, “I’ve done it! I’ve been…yes, I got hit by a truck!” “I’VE BEEN ISEKAID!” he yelled into the heavens, “AND I’VE GOT A GAMER SYSTEM!” His interface chimed in. HAPPINESS achieved, it read, +1 EXP. “Oh yeah, give me that xp,” Zack rubbed his hands, “Come to dadd-wait, how much?” He looked at his progress and grunted when he read how much experience he needed to level up. 100 experience points. Well, 99 now. That is how much Level 2 costs. “Why give me any experience at all if it's going to be so little?” he grumbled. Questioning Existance, the interface chimed in again, +1 EXP. “Ah, whatever,” Zack said, taking his sword into his hands and giving it a few practice swings. It felt nice. “Now, where is there something that I can kill? I need to farm exp asap.” And, wouldn’t you know it? His system popped a message in front of him. NEW Quest! Kill something. Reward: Find out how much EXP you gain. Also, gain ? EXP. “Ok, see? That’s more like it,” Zack happily nodded. And then he read the last line. Penalty: Should you fail to kill something in the allotted time, you will lose 127 HP. “What sort of shitty-ass Gamer System are you?!” Zack cried, “Giving me penalties? And, fuck, giving me a timer? Actually, where is the timer?” In the corner of his vision, 5 hours started ticking down. “Well, I guess that’s not THAT bad,” he grunted. Then he looked at his health. “I only have 100 points of health!” he sputtered, “What do you mean ‘lose 127’? You might as well say ‘kill something or die!” His interface didn’t respond back, of course. But it did shutter. The wording of the penalty changed slightly. Penalty: Should you fail to kill something in the allotted time, you will lose 100 HP. “Oh, fuck off!” he turned around and took one angry step. And then stopped when he felt something squish beneath his boot. Green slime stuck to the soles of his feet as he raised his foot to look at his victim, revealing a…slime monster? Quest SUCCESS! Kill Something. Reward: +10 EXP. You now know slimes give +10 EXP. The big grin came back on his face. And he took a few more steps into the world. —---------------------------------------------------------- 5 levels. That is how much, in the course of two weeks, Zack had managed to get from going around the forest killing things. Thoughts about home and somehow going back didn’t much enter his mind as, well, this was IT. The best next to heaven and Zack would be damned if he took a halo and angel wings instead of POWER. Strength: 7 Agility: 5 Endurance: 5 Intelligence: 5 Wisdom: 2 The allotment of points made him feel grow in a way that should not have been possible. The 20% rise in Strength alone felt out of this world. In just one week, he’d put up more muscle on his body than he’d ever have and, at the rate he was going, it would only be a few months until he was more jacked than one of the linebackers in his past life. The Agility, too, made him feel as all he’d ever been before was a clumsy dumbass, but that was of course just a turn of phrase. Being who he was, he had never been clumsy, he was merely just better at it now. Of course, it wasn’t all poontang and handjobs. NEW Quest You are hungry and thirsty. Find something to eat and something to drink. Reward: Feel satisfied. +5 EXP. Penalty: Die in 2 weeks, 5 days, 3 hours, and 22 seconds if not fed. 2 days, 2 hours, 2 minutes if not watered. “That’s just common sense, holy shit,” he muttered not for the first time. So he browsed his inventory through his interface, where he kept anything that he wasn’t wearing, and hovered his finger over the icons in it. Clicking on what looked to be a dead slime, he brought up his crafting table and put the icon of his dead slime there. Then he pressed “render”. And, like that, he got a chunk of “Goop” and “Squeezed moisture” out of the slime corpse. Quest Success!, his system pinged. “Yeah, yeah,” he said to no one in particular as he ate the chunk and drank the water. They tasted like not much of anything, but at this point, he might have welcomed it tasting bad. Then again, he would have grown to hate eating and drinking any one thing for two weeks straight! Unfortunately, the forest seemed to not have anything BUT slimes in it. Different slimes in it, to be sure, with different colors and sizes, but just slimes all the same. And that brought up the other problem. He’d essentially only made do with those slimes for company throughout all this time. He’d been ecstatic to gain this fantastic power after dying, but he would be lying if he said that he missed being around those he knew in his old life. He hadn’t realized how much he would miss having people in his life. With no one to talk to, the thrill of getting better and better was starting to lose its edge, and his need to talk to someone, anyone, was starting to weigh down on him. He was the cool lone wolf type, to be sure, but even not getting along with someone was better than not having anyone to get along with. So there he was, with the ability to become the next best thing to a god, and he was in a losing battle against isolation. Today, like any other day, he set out to look for another comfy place to nap away the heat of the afternoon, all the while wondering if the forest ever ended. Wouldn’t it be fucked up to get isekaid with a “Cheat” power only to go insane before getting to enjoy it? But the trees started thinning today. The more he walked, the more he could actually see in front of him, and the less he had to go around foliage and huge trees. The number of slimes also decreased, but at this point he was fine not having to deal with them. He was, after all, getting somewhere now! Despite the heat, he continued on, the thoughts of getting to any sort of civilization giving his legs wings. The promise of an actual conversation lifted his heart, looking more and more real as he walked through one last copse. And what lay after the edge of that strip of trees? Green plains laying far and wide. There were hills and, in the distance, mountains. Green upon green, upon green. All replete with animals and monsters, grazing here and there. This was where his new life would really begin. Somewhere here there had to be someone to talk to, someone to impress. Maybe, even someone to save and be a hero to. This, surely, was where he finally got to live! “Aheam,” a voice, however, interrupted him before he could even take the first step. Zack had gone so long without hearing a single voice that just the feel of it made him wonder if he had imagined it. “Aheam,” the voice persisted all the same, coming from his left, and his heart beat hard as he turned around, hoping that it wasn’t in his mind. That it was real. But there was no one there. “Holy shit, I really am going insane,” he realized. “No, you are not!” the voice disagreed. “Well, yeah, of course you’d say that,” Zack replied with disdain, “You are just a voice in my head.” “What? Down here!” A hand appeared at the bottom of his periphery, making him look down. And letting him get his first look at one of the natives of this world. She was green. She was small. She had long tapered ears, huge round eyes, a small button nose, and perfectly shaped lips. Her pupils were pink, her cheeks were slightly rosy despite being green, and her chin narrowed slimly. Her hair was as pink as her pupils, her neck was thin, her shoulders were small, her limbs were shapely but, and this was the truth, this girl might have just had the BIGGEST rack that Zack had ever seen all his life. Protruding against a dress made of threaded animal furs, “druid-chic” if Zack had ever seen it, her two mama-jamas managed to outsize HIS head in size. And the only reason they weren’t making her bend forward just with all of that weight? Her humongous ass. The hips on this woman made him think that birthing problems must just not happen in her family. “Sweet mama,” Zack blurted out the first few words he had said to anyone in weeks, and they were perhaps the lamest he could think of! “What?” the flush on the goblin’s cheeks, because if this girl wasn’t the archetype of a goblin Zack would eat the grossest part of his boots, deepened. “Fuck!” Zack cried, “I mean, no, um…hi?” “...yo?” the goblin girl said with a small smile, “Sorry bud, um, didn’t mean to startle you like that.” “Me, get startled? Get real!” Zack cleared his throat, “Just a bit surprised that’s all.” “Yes, sure, of course,” the goblin quickly agreed with him. Zack’s eyes narrowed: a little bit TOO quick. “Listen, though, I just wanted to ask you a question,” the goblin got up from where she was sitting, making Zack realize that she wasn’t standing up, but that at most only increased her height to 4 feet. The robes she was wearing obscured everything below the waist, but they swung in the most interesting of ways as she got close to him. “Alright,” Zack tried the suavest tone that he could manage, “I suppose that’s not much.” His success track with women was zero, but not because he was too afraid of them like some losers. They just quite simply didn’t understand what true appeal was. But this girl tilted her head as if she got how irresistible his devil-may-care attitude was. As if she was saying what he knew had always been there! “What-” she rubbed her delicate chin, “-are you?” And that made Zack blink. “Don’t you know?” he replied, “Aren’t you a goblin?” He almost slapped himself when he made that question: He didn’t know for sure that this world called goblins, goblins. For all he knew, they were “Tiny-Urukai” or some shit like that. “Well, yes, hon, that’s what I am,” she replied, “But I don’t think I’ve ever met one of you.” Huh. “I am a human,” Zack replied, trying to think of a cool way to say that but failing. Homo Sapien Sapien just didn’t sound awe inspiring and, well, he could have claimed to be a god but, meh, he wasn’t there yet. “Really?” she gasped, “A human? Aren’t you all on a different continent or something like that?” “What? Continent?” Zack frowned, “What continent? Where am I?” “Some sort of continent somewhere,” the goblin waved the question away as if it weren’t important, “As for here? That’s the forest of slimes-” She pointed at where Zack had come from. “And these are the Green Plains,” she pointed at where they were, “A single guess as to why it has that name.” “Because it’s green?” Zack replied. “Wrong!” the goblin happily said. “Because it has US!” A whole plain with a population of goblins like her. What was not to like? The interface pinged. NEW Quest! Kill a goblin. Rewards: Find out how much EXP they are- “What, fuck that!” Zack yelled and, to his relief, his system stopped and allowed the Quest to vanish. “Oh,” the goblin’s ears turned down as if she had been rejected. “No, not you!” Zack assured her, “It’s just…well, never mind what it is, I didn’t say that to you!” “Really?” she looked up from the corners of her eyes. “Really,” Zack confirmed. “Fantastic!” she perked right back up, “Honestly, I would have hurt me to be hated by such a fiiine fella like you.” “Um,” Zack wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “Tell me,” she started circling him, “Are all humans as tall as you?” “I am above average,” Zack quickly said. It was even true…in some parts of the earth. “Nice, nice,” she continued circling, “Are all of them as muscular as you?” “I am a role model back where I am from,” Zack, who was getting a bit weirded out getting this much interest this quickly, still shook his head as if he were asking ‘What can you do?’. The last few weeks had made his stomach go down, and the points of strength were making his muscles bigger than they used to be. Zack figured that was enough for the goblin to be as interested as she was. Like, he wasn’t as muscular as what the sport creeps were, but it was in the same ballpark! He just made his level look the best, that was all. “Hmmm,” the goblin hummed, “And is black hair like yours normal?” “This?” Zack touched his hair and thought of a way to make it sound smooth, “It’s normal, I guess?” “Faaaaantastic,” she purred and Zack felt as though the world had gone upside down. “What do you mean by that?” he asked, never in a million years imagining that he’d have a girl turning up the rizz on him. “Ok, it’s like this,” the pink-haired green girl said, “You are the most handsomest, fuck-a-best, desirabl-est male I have EVER seen.” “Um,” and now Zack started going red. “So I tell you what,” the goblin was now close enough for Zack to feel the fur of her dress. “Marry me.” “W-what?” Zack sputtered, not knowing what to say. “It’s a little bit sudden, I know,” the goblin said as if it weren’t a problem, “But I am really dead set on having you for a wife!” ‘Wife?” Zack whined. “You heard me,” she winked at him as she grabbed the hem of her dress, and pulled it up. “What the FUCK?” Zack gasped as foot and a half long COCK bobbed up in the air. Its shaft was as green as the rest of the goblin, but its bulbous glans, a mushroom the size of a rock, was as pink as the goblin’s hair and eyes. And the smell, good lords, the smell! It was acrid, sharp and strong enough to bring tears to Zack’s eyes with its virility. What. The. Fuck. “Yeah,” she growled. “You’d be the wife.” “No, absolutely NOT!” Zack denied, shaking his head and swinging his arms. “I see I came in too fast just now,” the goblin let go of her dress as if she had just encountered a small speed bump, “So why don’t we start over?” “What the fuck do you mean start over?” Zack asked. “Well, my name is Anya,” she sweetly nodded her head at him, “I am a lonely dickgirl goblin from these Green Plains. Did I forget to mention that I am unmarried?” Zack stared at her. NPC Identified!, his interface read. NEW Quest! Properly introduce yourself to Anya Reward: Learn the etiquette of this world. +20 EXP. Punishment: Upon failure, look like a rude asshole. Also, -40 EXP. “You can lose EXP?” Zack growled. What the hell was this Gaming System? Anya shot Zack a confused look. “Never mind,” Zack grumbled. Then he pushed his hand forward, finger tips first and sideways in the form of a handshake. “I am Zack Faire,” he introduced himself, “Nice to meet you.” Anya gingerly reached out and finished the ancient greeting by grabbing his hand with hers. She felt warm. Quest SUCCESS! Zack’s interface read. Yeah, yeah, I know, FUCK, he mentally grumbled. “So, now that we are introduced, how about we engage in a little bet?” The grip in his hand tightened and Anya smiled at him, showing him her teeth. They were all pointy. “How about no?” Zack frowned. “Oh, come on, it’ll be easy!” Anya assured him, “I’ll lead you to wherever you want if I win.” “All I’ll want if you lose is a kiss. Is that really too much to ask?” Zack was about to curse her off when his interface appeared again. NEW Quest! “Nooooo,” Zack said, trying to do what he did before and WILL the quest to not happen. But this time, it still went through. NPC Anya challenges you to a bet. Reward: Win, and she’ll be your guide. Penalty: Lose, and you have to give her a kiss. “I am not doing that!” Zack said out loud and, as before, his interface paused and flickered the quest away. “Come on, hot stuff, you’d be losing nothing!” Anya remained unperturbed by the answers Zack seemed to be giving her. “Oh, if it’s ‘nothing’, I guess I’ll say, still no!” Zack replied. “You are getting too worked up, love,” Anya calmly observed. “Because kissing a girl with a dick bigger than my own is not enough?” Zack threw his hands in the air. “But, ooooh, if I lose, how about I offer to rock your shit in no time flat?” Zach asked in a high-pitched voice, “Can I reject your proposal then?” Anya tapped her chin, “Sure?” NPC Anya has accepted your counterproposal. The message stopped Zach from responding back. Win NPC Anya’s bet. Reward: Win, and she’ll be your guide. Penalty: Lose, or run out of time, and you have to give her a kiss. Gain Gobbo Kisser. “Seriously though, it’ll be so fun if you did!” she insisted as a timer began counting down at the corner of Zack’s eyes. It made getting tunnel vision easy. 1 minute. “What, no, that wasn’t a counter proposal!” Zack desperately said, “Who designs something without confirmation prompts?!” “Well, I mean, I was just joking. I, um, don’t know what a ‘prompt’ is though…” Only now did Anya start to flounder, but Zack was already turning on her. “The bet; what is it about?” he demanded. He only had 50 seconds left. “Can you…guess…my….age?” she asked as Zack glared at her, turning smaller and smaller as his eyes bore a hole into her. “20?” Zack, who had never been able to make precise calls with human women, altogether gave up trying to deduce it and put it all on a guess. “Hah!” Anya instantly recovered and triumphantly pointed a finger at his face, “It’s 30 you hot fuckable loser!” “Now, pay up!” She eagerly propped her face up. Quest FAILURE! Zack’s display read. NPC Anya has accepted your counterproposal. Penalty: Lose, or run out of time, and you have to give her a kiss. “F-fine,” Zack gulped as he lowered down. His interface lighted up again. Skill Gained! Gobbo Kisser: When engaged, this Skill has you kiss with the utmost expertise, rivaling the skill and talent of the best of courtesans. Trigger automatically when kissing a goblin. Zack stared at it. Triggers automatically? Whyyyyyy- He bent over and outright SIZED Anya by the lips. One of his hands went to the small of her back, and another went to her shoulder. He pulled her in with the hand just above her ass, but he aimed with the one right next to her neck. Her lips were big, pillowy, and hot. Her breath was minty, moist, and warm. The surprise in her eyes lasted for all of a moment, as his own lips bit down on her own. The taste of her saliva was so slight that he almost didn’t notice anything. But not so slight that he couldn’t get a hint of fruitiness. Her tongue was slimy as he dragged it around with his own, pulling it into his own mouth and turning the pressure of his lips down on it. The goblin moaned into his mouth as he skillfully traced the contours of the insides of her cheeks, following the path of most pleasure as his fingers prodded and squeezed her female form with virtual ease. Zack sucked her breath and devoured her mouth. He took great gulps of the gas in her lungs and still went in for more, more and MORE! By the time he was done, Anya’s legs were trembling and Zack’s were not too far from her own. This was the first kiss he’d ever done, but he felt almost like a puppet in his own body as his Skills took over his actions. He knew that they had to be that way, to a point: the sort of cuts and combos that people with Gamer systems did could not be the sort of thing they instinctively could do because they weren’t instinctive to them. All those things were native to their systems while they were merely players who elected when to engage them. But that did not change the truth of things. No, it couldn’t change that this had been Zack kissing a girl with a fucking DICK! “That was-” Anya breathlessly said with eyes full of lust and longing, “-the best kiss I’ve ever had.” “R-right,” Zack replied, “Cause I am the best kisser and shit, obviously.” The goblin dickgirl giggled, “Well, since you were willing to give me that much honey-” “-How about I be your guide, anyway?” She asked with a glint in her eye. “No!” Zack yelled but, even as he said it, his interface lit up again. NEW Quest! Find a guide for the Green Plains. Reward: Find your way around. Go up a level. Punishment: Get lost and wander alone for weeks on end. Again. Zack stared at it. “Oh, come on,” Anya said as if she knew that she had him. “What do you have to lose?”