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Contains: Blood and Sex
Ages: Leonardo (18) Raphael Donatello and Michelangelo (17)

Sumary: When Leonardo decides it's time to let go his past love for Raphael by telling him what he felt as a kind of therapy it unleash on a chain of disgraces and events that will mark Leonardo forever.



Don't kill me okay? it was something I though long ago. This story was an experiment to do some tragedy and will have 3 finals: Good, Bad and Neutral. You can choose which final suits you more.

TMNT (C)Mirage. Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman. Nickelodeon", "writing": "[b]Prologue[/b]\n“Why are you here?” he asked looking to the person that just came inside the room and barely moving his head up.\n\n“I guess you should already know” the other argued.\n\n“Oh” said the first one “So what you want is to know why I’M here”\n\n“Why throw everything to the trash? I thought you appreciated your life more than this, I thought you loved your family and that they loved you back”\n\nHe remained silently, the other could say that he was remembering something, and by the face he had it surely was painful.\n\n“If you’re really interested….” He finally said “I can tell you everything… I can tell you how my life turned in a real hell in the earth” \n\n“Normally I will not care what you have to say Leonardo” commented the other “but due to the actual events I’m certainly confused”\n\n“Then Tiger Claw sit” added the other with an ironic smile, his arms were handcuffed as his feet as well “Cause this is quite a long story”\n\nTiger Claw usually didn’t care his enemies’ problems, but since it was Hamato Leonardo, one of the Hamato Yoshi’s despicable turtles he surely wanted to know the why of his actions, since he was alone with Leo he just sat in front of him resting his back on the cell crossed arms to pay attention to everything the turtle will say as Shredder has requested.\n\n“It all started… with me and Raphael discussing…”\n\n[b]Chapter 1 – Forbidden[/b]\n\nRaph looked stunned to his older brother, this couldn’t be real, this WASN’T real or at least that is what he wished, in front of him Leo waited for the next move his brother would do.\n\n“You have to be joking with me” said Raph “yeah! That is the real reason; you’re messing with me aren’t you?”\n\n“Would I ever joke with something like this?” reasoned Leo “I… I like you, since we were kids”\n\nRaph remained silently looking into Leo’s face any signal that could say it was a lie, any signal but as he was afraid there was none.\n\n“Leo we are BROTHERS! That would be incest!” exclaimed Raph.\n\n“Raph I know this is weird and…” tried to say Leo.\n\n“Weird?! This is wrong in so many levels!! And all those times you touched me?!” Raph asked freaked out.\n\n“Raph calm down I didn’t…!!” he wasn’t able to finish since Raph in his state was too altered.\n\n“Or worse! Did you ever had wet dreams about me!? I have been the object of your desires too long! How is that I never noticed?!”\n\n“Hey look I didn’t mean to I just…” Leo was once again interrupted by Raph that now was more serious that he have ever be.\n\n“But IT HAPPENED! And was with me! Your supposed to be lil bro’!” exclaimed Raph giving a push to Leo who took some steps back to give some room to Raph “You should be ashamed!”\n\n“Raph…” Leo was the one now stunned, he didn’t mean this to happen; He didn’t want this to happen; he just planned to tell Raph to let it go; to be able to finally rest in nights and let his impossible crush disappear without any regret but it went out of hands. He tried to put his hand in his brother’s shoulder in a reassuring way but Raph shove away his hand looking at him showing by the first time real disgust.\n\n“Don’t dare to touch me never again! Not even try to come near!”\n\n“But Raph! We live together! We are a team!” Leo now was starting to worry.\n\n“Not anymore, we are in a team but we aren’t a team now! Try any smart move with me and I will rip your head off! And this time this is not only a warning fearless, this time I mean it” and soon Raph jumped to another rooftop going back to the lair. Leo stayed there alone with sadness on his soul and also if he had to bed he could say that his burden now was even harder considering one of his brothers didn’t want to see him anymore. When he got back to the lair Raph was punching his punching bag with rage, Splinter surely was on the dojo, Don in his lab and Mikey playing videogames.\n\nHe knew he has to pretend like nothing is happening. Be the usual leader all they expect him to be so after a while he went to the dojo to start his usual training with master Splinter before he got to train with their brothers… but he knew it will never be the same again… or at least not tonight. Once they all entered the training room Leo kneeled on his usual place but Raph refused to do the same and he instead knelt at Mikey’s side far from Leo who noticed but didn’t said anything to not have the others knowing.\n\n“My sons” started Splinter “We will start today’s training with a match. Donatello and Leonardo will fight each other and Raphael will fight Michelangelo”\n\n“Sensei” suddenly called Raphael “I want to switch my partner”\n\n“Why so?” asked calmly sensei.\n\n“I can beat easily Mikey; that would be not training at all…. I want to fight against Leo –asked in his usual tone Raph but Leo knew behind it there was so much more. Splinter put a thoughtful expression considering the request of his hot headed son until he said.\n\n“Very well” acceded the giant rat knowing that if he refused his red banded son will surely whine and complain about so he better saved that for another time after all it was just training and no matter how serious or stubborn his sons were he will be able to stop them. Leo and Raph took their positions as Donnie and Mikey as well.\n\n“Hajime!” exclaimed Splinter and soon both battles begun with a clashing of weapons by both battles both sides. \nDonnie and Mikey went slow and at their own pace since they wanted to perform their techniques correctly and not just do a useless and meaningless battle. By other side Raph and Leo were doing the total opposite. Their weapons clashed and stormed as they kept attacking each other but something was different to all his previous battles: there were no words, no insults, no mocks or something as they use to. They remained silently all the time and centered while they did their best to attack the other. Raph’s hits were vicious. Leo’s ones were cautious and somehow the air was very dense. Mikey and Don’s battle ended when Mikey hit Don’s legs with his nunchuks making the taller turtle fall to the ground to fast point him with the sharp side of his kusarigama and Splinter gave the proper approval to the battle and some suggestions to both. Then for the first time since training started they saw how the other encounter was.\n\n“Something is off” Donatello commented with just a glance. Mikey silently observed also feeling the heavy atmosphere that both Leo and Raph were giving, and the lack of words just spoke even louder. Other thing that they noticed Leo was somewhat nervous while Raph was infuriated. Finally they didn’t noticed that Leo made a bad move, he striped almost stabbing one of Raph’s sais on his face; luckily he avoided it by pushing the other away but didn’t noticed in this move he touched Raph’s butt and the arm that had the weapon. Both felt to the ground, but Raph at the edge of the anger he turned mad at Leo and started punching him non stop growling.\n\n“YAME!” exclaimed sensei and just then Raph stopped, Leo that blocked most of the hits looked Raph confused. \n\nRaph stood and passed by but stopped near Donnie to whisper to him.\n\n“Be careful if you tend Leo’s injures… he can be unpredictable” and with this headed off the dojo, Don confused turned to Leo but he didn’t found anything unusual. As for Leo he noticed Raph told something Don and for that he didn’t know what to think, when Don came near to try help Leo he rapidly said.\n\n“Don’t worry Donnie, I can use the healer hands to heal myself, I will be ok but thanks anyway” Leo stood and soon leave the room without say another thing Leo went off the dojo, he wanted to ask Raph what happened but he thought it would just make things worse so he just went to his room sighing.\n\nOnce he was inside his room he went to sit in his bed bringing his knees near to hug them and rest his chin on them as tears began to appear on the corners of his eyes. He hated this… he didn’t mean this… and now he wasn’t able to talk to his brothers nor seek some advice with his father without telling him he used to have a crush on one of his brothers; he was pretty sure his father would be disappointed so he was trapped with his memories and with his problems… if he could go back in time and slap himself dang he would do it…\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n“So” interrupted Tiger Claw “Raphael punched you just cause you tried to dodge loose an eye or end dead?”\n\n“For him what I did was take advantage of the situation” answered Leo, his face had some black or purple spots and one of his eyes was sore and black. His arms and legs also had hits “you know what is ironic?” Leo let out a light chuckle that was bittersweet “I never asked him to accept my feelings…. I knew that if I wanted to go through that…. I needed to let go those feelings for my own sake so that was the most effective way to do it… or that was what I thought” Tiger Claw saw how tears started to appear and that was new to him: he have never seen the fearless leader that vulnerable nor broken but he was just there with watery face ready to let them go, an strangled sob sounded from his throat but Leo pushed it and breathe in and out.\n\n“Why didn’t you just punch back?” \n\n“I’m the leader… I’m supposed to behave correctly… and I knew it was my fault he acted like he did”\n\n“And what happened then?” asked curious the large tiger.\n\n“Days passed by and it went worse… training was brutal… he did it brutal… and from a day to another Donatello… he started to flinch every time I went near him and at the beginning I didn’t understood why but later all became clear…\n\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n“Donnie, how are the repairs of the Shellraiser going? Think it can be ready for next mission?” Asked Leonardo coming near his brother whom jumped in surprise.\n\n“Leo! I… uhm… y-yeah I-I think it can be ready” stuttered the turtle genius.\n\n“Donnie are you ok? Need me to call master Splinter?” Asked gently Leo putting a hand on his shoulder; Donatello stepped back some.\n\n“No no! Is just uhm… you took me by surprise you know how I’m when we talk about work” added Donatello. \n\n“Uhm… ok?” answered Leo while he just went away without say another word. As soon as Leo exited the room he turned to another spot.\n\n“I see him pretty normal Raph are you sure he wasn’t kidding when he told you that?” from inside the Shellraiser Raph made his apparition crossed arms frowning.\n\n“I wish that was just a joke but he was clear when he affirmed he mean it… be careful Don, we don’t know what other secrets he is hiding inside” Warned Raphael, something else could be perceived in his tone… \n\nDuring the week any try to go near Donatello was the same to Leo: Donatello made an excuse to leave or asked him to not interrupt him but he could clearly see him stuttering and flinch every time he tried to go near of him. One day he saw Raph and Don talking and all made sense…\n\n“… I should have known” Leo muttered in a sad whisper. Not only he lost Raph’s trust… now he also lost Donnie. So centered was in his thoughts that he almost cried in surprise as his baby bro jumped on his shell almost making him fall “Mikey!” exclaimed.\n\n“Hey bro, you said you will go to that comic con to see if you find number 9 of Space heroes’ comic right?” Asked Mikey with a smiling face.\n\n“Yeah… Why?” Leo had a curious face as he looked to his baby brother.\n\n“Can you look also for the new issue of my fav comic? Please please please pretty please?” pleaded Mikey with a performing of his so well know puppy eyes. Leo couldn’t help but chuckle to pat his head gently.\n\n“Ok ok but in exchange you will focus a bit more in training got it?” Mikey made a pout but then smile.\n\n“Ok I promise I will do my best, OH THANKS THANKS THANKS LEO!!” Yelled Mikey in happiness to launch to hug his big brother at with Leo couldn’t help but smile thankfully to still have Mikey with him…. But his happiness was too short…\n\nLeo asked sensei about the con and at the beginning he hesitated too much thinking it could be a bad idea, but after all the arguments Leo gave him to convince him he finally acceded so Leo leaved the lair, he was supposed to take 1 whole week over there but at the second day Leo was called by sensei to get back immediately.\n\nWhen he got back home he was surprised when he found also Slash, Casey and April in the lair alongside with his brothers and his father in the middle of them. Raph was serious. Don and April were with a blank face as Casey and Slash were on rage while Mikey seemed worried… this wasn’t a family reunion.\n\n“I-I’m back sensei” and Leo bowed as a greeting. Suddenly Slash tackled him in rage. Leo got slammed against the wall and Slash prepared himself to another attack but he heard.\n\n“YAME!” exclaimed Splinter to stop the other, Slash growled at Leo before get back to his place, Leo saw at his family and lower his head.\n\n“This is incredible Leo we thought you were better than this” added April with indignation on her voice… that was the first stab.\n\n“I would kill you if it wasn’t cause I’m in Master Splinter’s home” also commented Slash hissing…. Second stab.\n\n“You’re awful man! What is wrong with you?!” almost yelled Casey… third stab… Leo’s heart was twisting painfully slowly. He felt as the sadness was growing to the point of tears… but he managed to hold them in. He grunts as he did his best to stand only to fall on his knees… Slash’s brute force was as fearsome as Raphael’s. Mikey tried to go to him only to be stopped by Don.\n\n“But…” he whispered to Don who denied. Some sad Mikey remained in his place looking down. Finally Leo was able to kneel but with some work. Splinter trying to ignore that cleared his throat.\n\n“Leonardo… I’m disappointed of you!” spoke severely the old rat at what Leonardo flinched. There were so few times when he spoke like that, yeah he sometimes had to raise his voice but those were nothing against his low menacing tone he was using right now…\n\n“S-sensei I…” when he tried to talk was interrupted.\n\n“Silence!” Leonardo just remained silent while he listened to his father “you know those feelings are forbidden yet you didn’t stopped them before they got too big for be so unbearable. You have disappointed me and betrayed your brother’s trust! You’re grounded for a month and during that time you will not train with your brothers! You will meditate in this issue and erase those thoughts of your head.”\nLeo remained silent and after some silence he raised just a bit his voice a bit.\n\n“C-Can I go now?” \n\n“yeah” answered Splinter. Slowly Leo stood feeling the penetrating looks of his brothers and friends. He walked at a slow pace until he was on his bed and curled in it tearing silently. The next week was a torture… he was alone all the time and every time April and Casey were in the lair he had to go either to the dojo or his room so he don’t bother them. One day meditating he could hear Mikey coming close to the dojo door.\nMikey stood peeling inside his brother that was giving his shell to the door while he meditated silently, when he tried to go inside April came and stops him.\n\n“Leave him” she suggested.\n\n“But he has been so lonely…” Mikey commented looking at his big brother\n\n“That is part of his punishment, he should had thought on the consequences before do what he did” April added with a frown as she looked at Leo. Mikey looked sad at Leo before be dragged away by the red haired girl… just when he heard they were gone Leo let out an strangled sob… he has been so alone in that week… and April though he deserved it. Was he that bad just cause he felt in love by accident of Raphael? Was he a criminal for be in love? Was he that bad just cause he couldn’t push it away no matter how hard he tried? The blue banded turtle sobbed miserably as his tears felt on his knees. As he heard steps he hold his sobs and cleaned his tears fast. Sensei walked at his side and stopped to say.\n\n“Keep meditating Leonardo” and walk away. Since he knew all this, Master Splinter hadn’t address him as “my son” anymore. Being not able to hold any longer he stood to go to his room disobeying sensei, but he closed the room to go to his bed and hug his pillow to cry as much as he could be able trying to keep low the sounds in order to not be heard,\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n“It is hard to believe the rat did that to you” Tiger Claw was rather surprised by the coldness Splinter could show to his own “son”. Now Leo didn’t bother on hide his tears.\n\n“But it happened… my supposed to be father gave me the back… my lil brother was pushed away from me and soon he also rejected me… my friends hated me… I didn’t had nothing anymore… no family… no friends… nothing” Tiger Claw knew Leo was truly hurt… it was like if the knife that stabbed him so many times in just a month or so was still there twisting and twisting non stop.\n\n“Keep going” asked Tiger Claw this time more softly. He was showing some mercy cause Leo was too young to suffer like this. The boy wasn’t even 19 and already suffered that much.\n\n “Was then when I couldn’t hold it… and I tried to do seppuku in order to put an end to my misery… but I couldn’t so I did the only think I could do…\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nIt has been 2 weeks since Leo heard the discussion between Mikey and April. Sensei or sometimes April would get him some food… Sensei distant and April will either not speak to him or just tell a “here” to go away… when he pushed the plates or bowls they were always with half of the food on it…. Sensei once came to his room to tell him to not let food get lost and such, he will just pretend to be listening with lowered head. There were time he will give his plate completely filled cause he wasn’t hungry or cause he tried to eat but wasn’t able to.\n\n“Sensei… will Leo be ok?” Asked Mikey worried.\n\n“I don’t know my son” answered Splinter in a whisper. Raph look at them silently, then look down serious. That afternoon he went to Leo’s room and opened the door without ask permission to find him sit on bed giving his shell to the door.\n\n“You don’t have to starve until death you know?” he said to him, Leo remained silently to say on a low, almost inaudible tone.\n\n“Go away” \n\nRaph tried to remain calm since he knew Leo will be mad at him. In fact, Raph didn’t wanted that Slash told Splinter… he just needed someone to talk with but he took it too personal and even attacked Leo. \n\n“Look, I didn’t wanted Slash to tell Splinter, he over reacted with this ok? “ Commented Raphael trying to be gentle.\n\n“Go away” Leonardo repeated, Raphael sighed annoyed and somewhat remorseful.\n\n“Whatever” he just answered trying to not sound mean nor let noticed the fact he was worried about Leo and went out of the room. As soon as he leaved Leo lifted the knife that is always hidden on the handle of his sword and grabbed it with both hands to direct the tip on his throat… just one stab and all this will be over… no more hate from his brothers… no more hate from his father… no more hate from his friends…\n\n“oh by the way…” he heard from Raph that was coming back and almost at the moment he came to his side to tackle him as soon as he saw the knife on his hand and took it away “WHAT THE SHELL YOU WERE THINKING IN?!”\nAt the moment Splinter came inside the room. Mikey and April had gone to bring things for food and Don and Casey for some pieces for the Party Wagon. \n\n“What is going on here?!” Asked Splinter in surprise.\n\n“Leo tried to stab his neck with this” Raph added showing the knife,\n\n“Leonardo, what is the meaning of this!” exclaimed the rat but all what gained was silence “I did a question Leonardo”\n\n“… nothing” answered emotionless Leo, Raph took notice of the shiners the lost of weight and purple spots from his last practice that were still there alongside with scratch from the tackle of Slash.\n\n“Sensei, let’s talk outside” asked Raph, he and sensei went out “master, it could be better if we keep Leo for some time under suicidal watch but without tell the others. Worry them will not be useful”\n\n“I guess you’re right my son” conceded Splinter to look inside worried to were his son was. After that Raph or Splinter will be around almost all the time or watching him silently. But Leo already had his second act planned.\n\nTo Be Continued...", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Prologue
“Why are you here?” he asked looking to the person that just came inside the room and barely moving his head up.

“I guess you should already know” the other argued.

“Oh” said the first one “So what you want is to know why I’M here”

“Why throw everything to the trash? I thought you appreciated your life more than this, I thought you loved your family and that they loved you back”

He remained silently, the other could say that he was remembering something, and by the face he had it surely was painful.

“If you’re really interested….” He finally said “I can tell you everything… I can tell you how my life turned in a real hell in the earth”

“Normally I will not care what you have to say Leonardo” commented the other “but due to the actual events I’m certainly confused”

“Then Tiger Claw sit” added the other with an ironic smile, his arms were handcuffed as his feet as well “Cause this is quite a long story”

Tiger Claw usually didn’t care his enemies’ problems, but since it was Hamato Leonardo, one of the Hamato Yoshi’s despicable turtles he surely wanted to know the why of his actions, since he was alone with Leo he just sat in front of him resting his back on the cell crossed arms to pay attention to everything the turtle will say as Shredder has requested.

“It all started… with me and Raphael discussing…”

Chapter 1 – Forbidden

Raph looked stunned to his older brother, this couldn’t be real, this WASN’T real or at least that is what he wished, in front of him Leo waited for the next move his brother would do.

“You have to be joking with me” said Raph “yeah! That is the real reason; you’re messing with me aren’t you?”

“Would I ever joke with something like this?” reasoned Leo “I… I like you, since we were kids”

Raph remained silently looking into Leo’s face any signal that could say it was a lie, any signal but as he was afraid there was none.

“Leo we are BROTHERS! That would be incest!” exclaimed Raph.

“Raph I know this is weird and…” tried to say Leo.

“Weird?! This is wrong in so many levels!! And all those times you touched me?!” Raph asked freaked out.

“Raph calm down I didn’t…!!” he wasn’t able to finish since Raph in his state was too altered.

“Or worse! Did you ever had wet dreams about me!? I have been the object of your desires too long! How is that I never noticed?!”

“Hey look I didn’t mean to I just…” Leo was once again interrupted by Raph that now was more serious that he have ever be.

“But IT HAPPENED! And was with me! Your supposed to be lil bro’!” exclaimed Raph giving a push to Leo who took some steps back to give some room to Raph “You should be ashamed!”

“Raph…” Leo was the one now stunned, he didn’t mean this to happen; He didn’t want this to happen; he just planned to tell Raph to let it go; to be able to finally rest in nights and let his impossible crush disappear without any regret but it went out of hands. He tried to put his hand in his brother’s shoulder in a reassuring way but Raph shove away his hand looking at him showing by the first time real disgust.

“Don’t dare to touch me never again! Not even try to come near!”

“But Raph! We live together! We are a team!” Leo now was starting to worry.

“Not anymore, we are in a team but we aren’t a team now! Try any smart move with me and I will rip your head off! And this time this is not only a warning fearless, this time I mean it” and soon Raph jumped to another rooftop going back to the lair. Leo stayed there alone with sadness on his soul and also if he had to bed he could say that his burden now was even harder considering one of his brothers didn’t want to see him anymore. When he got back to the lair Raph was punching his punching bag with rage, Splinter surely was on the dojo, Don in his lab and Mikey playing videogames.

He knew he has to pretend like nothing is happening. Be the usual leader all they expect him to be so after a while he went to the dojo to start his usual training with master Splinter before he got to train with their brothers… but he knew it will never be the same again… or at least not tonight. Once they all entered the training room Leo kneeled on his usual place but Raph refused to do the same and he instead knelt at Mikey’s side far from Leo who noticed but didn’t said anything to not have the others knowing.

“My sons” started Splinter “We will start today’s training with a match. Donatello and Leonardo will fight each other and Raphael will fight Michelangelo”

“Sensei” suddenly called Raphael “I want to switch my partner”

“Why so?” asked calmly sensei.

“I can beat easily Mikey; that would be not training at all…. I want to fight against Leo –asked in his usual tone Raph but Leo knew behind it there was so much more. Splinter put a thoughtful expression considering the request of his hot headed son until he said.

“Very well” acceded the giant rat knowing that if he refused his red banded son will surely whine and complain about so he better saved that for another time after all it was just training and no matter how serious or stubborn his sons were he will be able to stop them. Leo and Raph took their positions as Donnie and Mikey as well.

“Hajime!” exclaimed Splinter and soon both battles begun with a clashing of weapons by both battles both sides.
Donnie and Mikey went slow and at their own pace since they wanted to perform their techniques correctly and not just do a useless and meaningless battle. By other side Raph and Leo were doing the total opposite. Their weapons clashed and stormed as they kept attacking each other but something was different to all his previous battles: there were no words, no insults, no mocks or something as they use to. They remained silently all the time and centered while they did their best to attack the other. Raph’s hits were vicious. Leo’s ones were cautious and somehow the air was very dense. Mikey and Don’s battle ended when Mikey hit Don’s legs with his nunchuks making the taller turtle fall to the ground to fast point him with the sharp side of his kusarigama and Splinter gave the proper approval to the battle and some suggestions to both. Then for the first time since training started they saw how the other encounter was.

“Something is off” Donatello commented with just a glance. Mikey silently observed also feeling the heavy atmosphere that both Leo and Raph were giving, and the lack of words just spoke even louder. Other thing that they noticed Leo was somewhat nervous while Raph was infuriated. Finally they didn’t noticed that Leo made a bad move, he striped almost stabbing one of Raph’s sais on his face; luckily he avoided it by pushing the other away but didn’t noticed in this move he touched Raph’s butt and the arm that had the weapon. Both felt to the ground, but Raph at the edge of the anger he turned mad at Leo and started punching him non stop growling.

“YAME!” exclaimed sensei and just then Raph stopped, Leo that blocked most of the hits looked Raph confused.

Raph stood and passed by but stopped near Donnie to whisper to him.

“Be careful if you tend Leo’s injures… he can be unpredictable” and with this headed off the dojo, Don confused turned to Leo but he didn’t found anything unusual. As for Leo he noticed Raph told something Don and for that he didn’t know what to think, when Don came near to try help Leo he rapidly said.

“Don’t worry Donnie, I can use the healer hands to heal myself, I will be ok but thanks anyway” Leo stood and soon leave the room without say another thing Leo went off the dojo, he wanted to ask Raph what happened but he thought it would just make things worse so he just went to his room sighing.

Once he was inside his room he went to sit in his bed bringing his knees near to hug them and rest his chin on them as tears began to appear on the corners of his eyes. He hated this… he didn’t mean this… and now he wasn’t able to talk to his brothers nor seek some advice with his father without telling him he used to have a crush on one of his brothers; he was pretty sure his father would be disappointed so he was trapped with his memories and with his problems… if he could go back in time and slap himself dang he would do it…

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“So” interrupted Tiger Claw “Raphael punched you just cause you tried to dodge loose an eye or end dead?”

“For him what I did was take advantage of the situation” answered Leo, his face had some black or purple spots and one of his eyes was sore and black. His arms and legs also had hits “you know what is ironic?” Leo let out a light chuckle that was bittersweet “I never asked him to accept my feelings…. I knew that if I wanted to go through that…. I needed to let go those feelings for my own sake so that was the most effective way to do it… or that was what I thought” Tiger Claw saw how tears started to appear and that was new to him: he have never seen the fearless leader that vulnerable nor broken but he was just there with watery face ready to let them go, an strangled sob sounded from his throat but Leo pushed it and breathe in and out.

“Why didn’t you just punch back?”

“I’m the leader… I’m supposed to behave correctly… and I knew it was my fault he acted like he did”

“And what happened then?” asked curious the large tiger.

“Days passed by and it went worse… training was brutal… he did it brutal… and from a day to another Donatello… he started to flinch every time I went near him and at the beginning I didn’t understood why but later all became clear…

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“Donnie, how are the repairs of the Shellraiser going? Think it can be ready for next mission?” Asked Leonardo coming near his brother whom jumped in surprise.

“Leo! I… uhm… y-yeah I-I think it can be ready” stuttered the turtle genius.

“Donnie are you ok? Need me to call master Splinter?” Asked gently Leo putting a hand on his shoulder; Donatello stepped back some.

“No no! Is just uhm… you took me by surprise you know how I’m when we talk about work” added Donatello.

“Uhm… ok?” answered Leo while he just went away without say another word. As soon as Leo exited the room he turned to another spot.

“I see him pretty normal Raph are you sure he wasn’t kidding when he told you that?” from inside the Shellraiser Raph made his apparition crossed arms frowning.

“I wish that was just a joke but he was clear when he affirmed he mean it… be careful Don, we don’t know what other secrets he is hiding inside” Warned Raphael, something else could be perceived in his tone…

During the week any try to go near Donatello was the same to Leo: Donatello made an excuse to leave or asked him to not interrupt him but he could clearly see him stuttering and flinch every time he tried to go near of him. One day he saw Raph and Don talking and all made sense…

“… I should have known” Leo muttered in a sad whisper. Not only he lost Raph’s trust… now he also lost Donnie. So centered was in his thoughts that he almost cried in surprise as his baby bro jumped on his shell almost making him fall “Mikey!” exclaimed.

“Hey bro, you said you will go to that comic con to see if you find number 9 of Space heroes’ comic right?” Asked Mikey with a smiling face.

“Yeah… Why?” Leo had a curious face as he looked to his baby brother.

“Can you look also for the new issue of my fav comic? Please please please pretty please?” pleaded Mikey with a performing of his so well know puppy eyes. Leo couldn’t help but chuckle to pat his head gently.

“Ok ok but in exchange you will focus a bit more in training got it?” Mikey made a pout but then smile.

“Ok I promise I will do my best, OH THANKS THANKS THANKS LEO!!” Yelled Mikey in happiness to launch to hug his big brother at with Leo couldn’t help but smile thankfully to still have Mikey with him…. But his happiness was too short…

Leo asked sensei about the con and at the beginning he hesitated too much thinking it could be a bad idea, but after all the arguments Leo gave him to convince him he finally acceded so Leo leaved the lair, he was supposed to take 1 whole week over there but at the second day Leo was called by sensei to get back immediately.

When he got back home he was surprised when he found also Slash, Casey and April in the lair alongside with his brothers and his father in the middle of them. Raph was serious. Don and April were with a blank face as Casey and Slash were on rage while Mikey seemed worried… this wasn’t a family reunion.

“I-I’m back sensei” and Leo bowed as a greeting. Suddenly Slash tackled him in rage. Leo got slammed against the wall and Slash prepared himself to another attack but he heard.

“YAME!” exclaimed Splinter to stop the other, Slash growled at Leo before get back to his place, Leo saw at his family and lower his head.

“This is incredible Leo we thought you were better than this” added April with indignation on her voice… that was the first stab.

“I would kill you if it wasn’t cause I’m in Master Splinter’s home” also commented Slash hissing…. Second stab.

“You’re awful man! What is wrong with you?!” almost yelled Casey… third stab… Leo’s heart was twisting painfully slowly. He felt as the sadness was growing to the point of tears… but he managed to hold them in. He grunts as he did his best to stand only to fall on his knees… Slash’s brute force was as fearsome as Raphael’s. Mikey tried to go to him only to be stopped by Don.

“But…” he whispered to Don who denied. Some sad Mikey remained in his place looking down. Finally Leo was able to kneel but with some work. Splinter trying to ignore that cleared his throat.

“Leonardo… I’m disappointed of you!” spoke severely the old rat at what Leonardo flinched. There were so few times when he spoke like that, yeah he sometimes had to raise his voice but those were nothing against his low menacing tone he was using right now…

“S-sensei I…” when he tried to talk was interrupted.

“Silence!” Leonardo just remained silent while he listened to his father “you know those feelings are forbidden yet you didn’t stopped them before they got too big for be so unbearable. You have disappointed me and betrayed your brother’s trust! You’re grounded for a month and during that time you will not train with your brothers! You will meditate in this issue and erase those thoughts of your head.”
Leo remained silent and after some silence he raised just a bit his voice a bit.

“C-Can I go now?”

“yeah” answered Splinter. Slowly Leo stood feeling the penetrating looks of his brothers and friends. He walked at a slow pace until he was on his bed and curled in it tearing silently. The next week was a torture… he was alone all the time and every time April and Casey were in the lair he had to go either to the dojo or his room so he don’t bother them. One day meditating he could hear Mikey coming close to the dojo door.
Mikey stood peeling inside his brother that was giving his shell to the door while he meditated silently, when he tried to go inside April came and stops him.

“Leave him” she suggested.

“But he has been so lonely…” Mikey commented looking at his big brother

“That is part of his punishment, he should had thought on the consequences before do what he did” April added with a frown as she looked at Leo. Mikey looked sad at Leo before be dragged away by the red haired girl… just when he heard they were gone Leo let out an strangled sob… he has been so alone in that week… and April though he deserved it. Was he that bad just cause he felt in love by accident of Raphael? Was he a criminal for be in love? Was he that bad just cause he couldn’t push it away no matter how hard he tried? The blue banded turtle sobbed miserably as his tears felt on his knees. As he heard steps he hold his sobs and cleaned his tears fast. Sensei walked at his side and stopped to say.

“Keep meditating Leonardo” and walk away. Since he knew all this, Master Splinter hadn’t address him as “my son” anymore. Being not able to hold any longer he stood to go to his room disobeying sensei, but he closed the room to go to his bed and hug his pillow to cry as much as he could be able trying to keep low the sounds in order to not be heard,

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“It is hard to believe the rat did that to you” Tiger Claw was rather surprised by the coldness Splinter could show to his own “son”. Now Leo didn’t bother on hide his tears.

“But it happened… my supposed to be father gave me the back… my lil brother was pushed away from me and soon he also rejected me… my friends hated me… I didn’t had nothing anymore… no family… no friends… nothing” Tiger Claw knew Leo was truly hurt… it was like if the knife that stabbed him so many times in just a month or so was still there twisting and twisting non stop.

“Keep going” asked Tiger Claw this time more softly. He was showing some mercy cause Leo was too young to suffer like this. The boy wasn’t even 19 and already suffered that much.

 “Was then when I couldn’t hold it… and I tried to do seppuku in order to put an end to my misery… but I couldn’t so I did the only think I could do…

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It has been 2 weeks since Leo heard the discussion between Mikey and April. Sensei or sometimes April would get him some food… Sensei distant and April will either not speak to him or just tell a “here” to go away… when he pushed the plates or bowls they were always with half of the food on it…. Sensei once came to his room to tell him to not let food get lost and such, he will just pretend to be listening with lowered head. There were time he will give his plate completely filled cause he wasn’t hungry or cause he tried to eat but wasn’t able to.

“Sensei… will Leo be ok?” Asked Mikey worried.

“I don’t know my son” answered Splinter in a whisper. Raph look at them silently, then look down serious. That afternoon he went to Leo’s room and opened the door without ask permission to find him sit on bed giving his shell to the door.

“You don’t have to starve until death you know?” he said to him, Leo remained silently to say on a low, almost inaudible tone.

“Go away”

Raph tried to remain calm since he knew Leo will be mad at him. In fact, Raph didn’t wanted that Slash told Splinter… he just needed someone to talk with but he took it too personal and even attacked Leo.

“Look, I didn’t wanted Slash to tell Splinter, he over reacted with this ok? “ Commented Raphael trying to be gentle.

“Go away” Leonardo repeated, Raphael sighed annoyed and somewhat remorseful.

“Whatever” he just answered trying to not sound mean nor let noticed the fact he was worried about Leo and went out of the room. As soon as he leaved Leo lifted the knife that is always hidden on the handle of his sword and grabbed it with both hands to direct the tip on his throat… just one stab and all this will be over… no more hate from his brothers… no more hate from his father… no more hate from his friends…

“oh by the way…” he heard from Raph that was coming back and almost at the moment he came to his side to tackle him as soon as he saw the knife on his hand and took it away “WHAT THE SHELL YOU WERE THINKING IN?!”
At the moment Splinter came inside the room. Mikey and April had gone to bring things for food and Don and Casey for some pieces for the Party Wagon.

“What is going on here?!” Asked Splinter in surprise.

“Leo tried to stab his neck with this” Raph added showing the knife,

“Leonardo, what is the meaning of this!” exclaimed the rat but all what gained was silence “I did a question Leonardo”

“… nothing” answered emotionless Leo, Raph took notice of the shiners the lost of weight and purple spots from his last practice that were still there alongside with scratch from the tackle of Slash.

“Sensei, let’s talk outside” asked Raph, he and sensei went out “master, it could be better if we keep Leo for some time under suicidal watch but without tell the others. Worry them will not be useful”

“I guess you’re right my son” conceded Splinter to look inside worried to were his son was. After that Raph or Splinter will be around almost all the time or watching him silently. But Leo already had his second act planned.

To Be Continued...", "pools_count": 1, "title": "TMNT - Your Choice", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "application/msword", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "5", "name": "Strong Violence", "description": "Strong violence, blood, serious injury or death", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "t", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "2", "views": "227" }