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"full_size_y": "1100", "screen_size_x": "700", "screen_size_y": "1100", "preview_size_x": "191", "preview_size_y": "300", "initial_file_md5": "b50d72451f6a51639cf4b57068979954", "full_file_md5": "defd461c69b4d8270738c3de3fbdcde4", "large_file_md5": "70cc9d6d72d58383a38591fd7938bab8", "small_file_md5": "a37f83d4dbb6f43f77c8aebfcd57ad29", "thumbnail_md5": "b470a92216c07256f515cfea2dacfa94", "deleted": "f", "create_datetime": "2014-05-16 01:23:14.548002+00", "create_datetime_usertime": "16 May 2014 03:23 CEST", "thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/808/808555_KyteFoxBunny_youwearamaskforsolongyouforgetwhoyouarebeneathit.jpg", "thumbnail_url_large_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/808/808555_KyteFoxBunny_youwearamaskforsolongyouforgetwhoyouarebeneathit_noncustom.jpg", "thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/808/808555_KyteFoxBunny_youwearamaskforsolongyouforgetwhoyouarebeneathit_noncustom.jpg", "thumb_medium_noncustom_x": "76", "thumb_medium_noncustom_y": "120", "thumb_large_noncustom_x": "127", "thumb_large_noncustom_y": "200", "thumb_huge_noncustom_x": "191", "thumb_huge_noncustom_y": "300" } ], "pools": [], "description": "\nTrigger warning: I'm an insensitive idiot who says and thinks stupid things. That being said, I think I'm finally coming to terms with my body image and how I view myself (and others.) A long, long time ago, by which I mean back in the 1990's, I was just a wee lad with a bizarre idea that puberty would turn my gross boyish body into a blossoming young women. I do not know where or how I got this idea, but it had the firmest of my beliefs. Just as firm as there was a monster in the toilet and Santa was real.\nSomewhere along the lines, this idea got repressed, most likely after I learned that it would not come to pass. Or possibly that I didn't want it to because around that time I started hating my mother for various reasons. Truly, while not the only source of my depression, this wrecked my self-image and confidence as a whole and spent most of my post pubescence as a very angry and bitter teenager.\nAfter some growing up and discovering the internet and all the wonderful and terrible things people can be, I came across the very vocal, very minority of the Trans* group. The kind that compare people who don't know their tertiary pronouns they made up last week to various Nazi party members, or just breathing the same air as someone else is basically rape. Just generally unreasonable people with an unreasonable view of the world.\nAnd I made prejudices based on these people. On some subconscious level, that still remembered that idea of I'm not what my body appears as, rejected these people outright as being silly, childish, insane, even so far as liars trying to get attention. And definitely rejected that I might possibly ever be one of them.\nAnd having done some maturing, having done some real retrospection of my life, having written a poorly thought out wall of text that basically spells out 'oh please give me the attention I so crave, the validation I need in my life,' I am scared to come out as what I am because of who I was. I feel like no matter what I do now, I'll be viewed as a petty outsider trying to get a foot in a door that I closed years ago.\nI feel like I'm trying to catch a boat that sailed off many years ago. And this is me hopping in a dingy trying to catch up, hoping someone will find me and reassure me that I'm not alone, scared that I'll never find that. An irrational fear at best because of the friends I have that already do so.\nI don't expect people to take me seriously, nor to believe me when I say that I regret all those years of being a douche-nozzle. I just wanted to posit this out to anybody who might be able to see it and say 'yeah I was in the same place, join the club we got jackets.' And at the very least get someone to be 'lewl bewbs.'\n\ntl;dr: I'm a huge faggot, please rape my face. Female pronouns please~\n\nKyte - The Pocket Android (Seriously though, the whole pronouns game is messed up in my humble opinion. Call me whatever you like.) ", "description_bbcode_parsed": "
Trigger warning: I'm an insensitive idiot who says and thinks stupid things. That being said, I think I'm finally coming to terms with my body image and how I view myself (and others.) A long, long time ago, by which I mean back in the 1990's, I was just a wee lad with a bizarre idea that puberty would turn my gross boyish body into a blossoming young women. I do not know where or how I got this idea, but it had the firmest of my beliefs. Just as firm as there was a monster in the toilet and Santa was real.
Somewhere along the lines, this idea got repressed, most likely after I learned that it would not come to pass. Or possibly that I didn't want it to because around that time I started hating my mother for various reasons. Truly, while not the only source of my depression, this wrecked my self-image and confidence as a whole and spent most of my post pubescence as a very angry and bitter teenager.
After some growing up and discovering the internet and all the wonderful and terrible things people can be, I came across the very vocal, very minority of the Trans* group. The kind that compare people who don't know their tertiary pronouns they made up last week to various Nazi party members, or just breathing the same air as someone else is basically rape. Just generally unreasonable people with an unreasonable view of the world.
And I made prejudices based on these people. On some subconscious level, that still remembered that idea of I'm not what my body appears as, rejected these people outright as being silly, childish, insane, even so far as liars trying to get attention. And definitely rejected that I might possibly ever be one of them.
And having done some maturing, having done some real retrospection of my life, having written a poorly thought out wall of text that basically spells out 'oh please give me the attention I so crave, the validation I need in my life,' I am scared to come out as what I am because of who I was. I feel like no matter what I do now, I'll be viewed as a petty outsider trying to get a foot in a door that I closed years ago.
I feel like I'm trying to catch a boat that sailed off many years ago. And this is me hopping in a dingy trying to catch up, hoping someone will find me and reassure me that I'm not alone, scared that I'll never find that. An irrational fear at best because of the friends I have that already do so.
I don't expect people to take me seriously, nor to believe me when I say that I regret all those years of being a douche-nozzle. I just wanted to posit this out to anybody who might be able to see it and say 'yeah I was in the same place, join the club we got jackets.' And at the very least get someone to be 'lewl bewbs.'

tl;dr: I'm a huge faggot, please rape my face. Female pronouns please~

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