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which all plans, reason, logic, and sense of duty are thrown out the nearest window.","description_bbcode_parsed":"In which all plans, reason, logic, and sense of duty are thrown out the nearest window.","writing":"[center][b]CHAPTER XXVII[/b][/center]\n\n[color=#4e9a06]She didn’t understand Zonic shielding his eyes, but things kinda came together for her. She assumed at first he was just overly conservative, but Scourge said Zonic’s name last night. \n\n“Ah. That’s what it is.” She rolled her eyes. “I hope you both figure this out. I guess I sort of helped.” She crossed her arms, watching them go into the room. She was completely alright with this, but also very bummed out. In the room, Scourge only just noticed that he was in the bedroom now when the door was locked. He blinked, now not even sure what he was suppose to say, what he was suppose to do. He could easily use his trauma, just spout nonsense about how he had a really vivid flashback that stopped him, yeah that was a good excuse. He’d work with that. \n\n“I… I wasn’t… grounded.” He started, beginning to sweat. “I got… ugh.” He held his head, sitting on the bed and gripping his spines as much as he could. “I just… I was fine…! I was okay! I don’t know, i don’t fucking know!!” He was so upset at himself, so angry that this happened. He was trying to lie but the lie wouldn’t come out, what was happening to him?! He wanted to pass this off as just a tiny mistake that fucked up the night, that he could do it again if he really wanted to. “Why didn’t you just stay here?? You left and that made it harder for me!” Scourge looked up at Zonic with a frown. “You kept me grounded last time, it’s not like she could..!” He huffed, standing up. This was Zonic’s fault, he should have stayed here, but he was out. “I bet your night was soo fuckin nice, huh?? I bet you… you had a great time..!” \n\nWhere was he even going with this??\n\n“I couldn’t… I couldn’t fuckin’ do it okay? I don’t know what happened, I was happy with it, I felt fine but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t! I don’t know why!! It’s unfair, this is so unfair!” He was in such a state of turmoil, this made no sense. “What’d you fuckin’ do to me… You made all of this confusing… I hate you so much for this, Zonic.” He sat back down, face in his hands trying to calm down.[/color]\n\n[color=#204a87]Zonic listened to all of this with a blank face. Putting the pieces together in his head. First there was only disbelief. And then... he was furious. He felt anger ignite inside his gut so suddenly he flinched. He grabbed Scourge and pulled him up, only to slap him square across the face. The slapping sound was probably loud enough to be heard in the living room and he hoped dearly that the lady was gone by now.\n\n\"What... what did -I-... do to -YOU-?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU!?! YOU EGOTISTICAL ASSHOLE. YOU WANTED ME TO BE HERE? WHILE YOU FUCK -HER-?! TO MAKE -YOU- FEEL BETTER?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! DO I LOOK LIKE A THERAPY DOG TO YOU?! I WAS...i can't... I can't believe you. I was MISERABLE! I do not  exist for your BLOODY CONVENIENCE! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!\"\n\nHe tossed the other on the bed, towering over him with a glare that could probably freeze a volcano. \"You know what. I'll tell you. I'll tell you exactly what I did to you. I allowed you to be cruel to me, to walk all over me, to be in total control of me. To be the king you want to be so badly. I let you do to me whatever you wanted. Indulged your delusions of grandeur. And enjoyed your violence. That's what I did. I showed you a good time! But no more. Isn't it ironic that I realise I can have better, just when you realise that you can't have anyone better? Because no one is stupid enough to let you play your little power games like I was.\"\n\nHe leaned down to Scourge, nearly touching their muzzles together. \"So why don't you grow a pair and start being honest. Hm... or don't.\" He stood back. \"I don't really care. Because, to answer your question, yes. I had a really good night. I know now that even if you can't do it with me anymore I won't be alone. I know what it feels like to be held -gently-. Without any pain. And what it feels like to be wanted. So I suppose I'm cured from my unhealthy addiction to you. And you can have aaaall the time in the world to learn how to fuck a lady again. To be honest for all this bullshit you pulled... you almost deserve being impotent.\"\n\nThat felt good. He got everything off his chest. Everything he'd wanted to say but couldn't. He had a lot less to lose now. After all there was someone willing to catch him when he felt lonely. Someone who was more than capable of catching him to boot. Still... Zonic's heart was bleeding... and he didn't understand why.[/color]\n\n[color=#4e9a06]Zonic’s voice could be heard from the livingroom, the fox girl was there still, drinking a nice cup of coffee still waiting on that taxi.Boy, that sounded like a ridiculous mess in there… \n\nScourge felt his head suddenly sting in pain, he wasn’t looking at the cop anymore, instead the wall. He was … unable to register what the fuck just happened, suddenly shoved onto the bed and now Zonic towering over him. The words, they left a heavy impact, it scared him but he did his best to bare his teeth back. His cheek, head and eyes were hurting, felt as though everything around him was crumbling to pieces. Why was this happening anyways? He didn’t get it… Scourge grabbed Zonic’s shoulders, wanting to push him off but wow, he could barely moved. \n\nIt kind of hurt. He didn’t get why, but it actually hurt to hear this. Zonic’s night was the complete opposite of what Scourge had endured. All this confusion, this anger over this new discovery and suddenly Zonic had everything all figured out. He was pissed. This wasn’t fair. He never asked to be brought here, never asked to be saved or taken care of. He didn’t ask for Zonic to care for him, to start catching desires or anything like that. He didn’t want any of this yet it was bursting right in his face. He was being yelled at for being a dick, sure he deserved that. He never treated Zonic okay, that was just how he was with anyone that wasn’t him. He couldn’t bring himself to care as much as the average joe, it was difficult. \n\nHe wanted to yell back at him but he didn’t know what to even say. All of this shit came towering down all at once and he was shaken to his core. He couldn’t get Zonic out of his mind while he had one chance to prove more to himself than anyone else that he was completely straight. He couldn’t even do that, why couldn’t he just been left in jail to die from whatever horrors those assholes had for him? \n\n“I… didn’t ask for this..! I didn’t ask you to save me. I didn’t… ask for you to do any of this!! You brought me here, YOU decided to get attached to ME.” He huffed, trying to hold his glare but his eyes were opened so wide from shock over his realization of what all this was. “It’s your fault… your fault this even came to be yet you can’t take responsibility for that either…!” He sniffed, no. This wasn’t happening, turning his head to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to be seen. “I coulda died in jail, it would’ve been better that way but NO, you came along, trying to act like some kind of savior! You shoulda just left me there!” What stung the most was hearing someone else had Zonic for the night. Why did that hurt. \n\nScourge moved away, crawling further onto the bed as he rubbed his eyes, trying to keep his composure but it was hard. He was jealous, angry… it didn’t make sense to him. He still couldn’t find the right words, but chaos, this was… all falling apart.[/color]\n\n[color=#204a87]He watched the emotional rollercoaster Scourge went through. Shock, stubborn anger, hurt. \"Heh... so you'd rather die than admit to yourself that you like me. That you like being with me. That I make you feel good? Is that how it is?\" He asked. He knew Scourge was just being stubborn, again, but this hurt. It hit him right where he was most vulnerable. \"You're telling me you'd rather be raped than say that you want me? Ha... Hahaha. That really hurts you know... Even though I know you're just stubborn. I already know how you really feel and that it's just your pride getting in the way. That you're afraid if you admit you like me it'll mean these guys in prison broke you. That it means that somehow being violated made you enjoy dicks. I get it. But... it's not like that, you know? The two things are unrelated. You can even be completely straight... and I'm just an exception because I cater to your needs so well. This was never complicated. You're the one making it so.\"\n\nHe'd followed Scourge further onto the bed until the green hog hit the head board. Zonic's insides clenched and hurt at the view of Scourge trying to fight back tears. He was so close to cave again. This was hard to watch. He wanted to wrap his arms around Scourge and kiss him as gently as possible. He wanted to comfort him. But... he thought of Zhadow and his words. This was a mess. This was wrong. He had to stop this. He had to stop...feeling this way. Scourge was gonna return to prison one day. What then? And Zhadow...Zhadow was right there. Zhadow was not a mistake. He was better. He didn't contradict Zonic'd morals in every possible way. He genuinely wanted him. He was gentle. He was understanding. They could work so well together.\n\nWhy was he sitting here, struggling with  himself not to pull Scourge into his arms and tell him everything would be alright. This wasn't supposed to be painful. Why was it so painful?!\n\n\"Just say it... please, Scourge.\" His voice was calm and soft now. He pulled the other's hands away from his face and cupped his cheeks in his hands rubbing the small tears away.\n\nHe was making a mistake. He had to stop this. This was awful. He had to stop being gentle. He had to stop being soft. Scourge didn't deserve any of it. Zhadow was right. He'd hurt and killed people. He'd treated him like shit 99% of the time. Why... why was it so hard to be angry? Why did all of this hurt as if someone was slowly scraping his heart out of his chest. Why were his eyes burning? Just why? He wanted to focus on Zhadow. He wanted to think of the wonderful striped hedgehog and him alone. He wanted to let Scourge go. He wanted to stop this. But his body and heart were effectively disagreeing with his brain.[/color]\n\n[color=#4e9a06]“I don’t wanna deal with this..!” He huffed, not liking that Zonic was getting so close. He couldn’t move away any further, his hands were taken and he lost any will to fight back. This wasn’t comfortable, none of this felt right. He didn’t believe any of it, yet he couldn’t just ignore it. It was coming to a head that he may not be a certain way and Zonic just telling him everything he didn’t wanna hear made it worse. He wanted to reject it, find some excuse, blame someone else. He was a victim, he was the one being handled incorrectly from jail to this place and now he was confused. Zonic kept talking, he mentioned himself being hurt by this but, fuck, Scourge was hurting too! What about him? \n\nHis thoughts were all selfish but zonic keep pushing for him to just be honest. It didn’t feel good. Scourge didn’t like this, he began to curl up, shaking his head still not looking at Zonic. Why was this so hard for him to even be -okay- with? It felt like a large wall being torn down, one that he had spent so long building. \n\n“I don’t want to like you. I don’t want to like you at all..!” He leaned into Zonic’s hands, holding his wrists and lowered his head. “This is wrong, it’s all wrong.” He couldn’t remember anyone really taking the time to be this patient, even though Zonic had lost his temper more than once, but he kept trying to get it through to Scourge. He had closed his eyes, trying to remember Fiona and how their relationship was. It was mostly physical but there was still commitment. He worried so much that seeing her again meant he wouldn’t be able to get it up properly. She was there when he needed her most but not during shit like this. Not during moments where he felt at his worst. He couldn’t remember the last time she actually took so much time to really help him with things that weren’t just kicking other people’s asses or making it hell on earth for those around them. \n\nThis feeling was so foreign, warm and inviting. He never had that kind of treatment, someone willing enough to come back to him even though he was a huge dick. He couldn’t register that properly, it made no sense and even after Zonic yelled at him, slapped him clear across the face and cornered him, here he was still talking like he was trying to help. \n\n“You’re… too fuckin’ soft,” He huffed, leaning forward. His head met with Zonic’s chest, it felt safe but he didn’t want it to. He never wanted to see Zonic in any positive light, he didn’t want to like him but in some weird way?? “Why do you keep trying. You had a great night with someone else yet you’re here… trying to push me to admit to something I really don’t wanna acknowledge.” He opened his eyes, sniffing and pulled his hands off of the other’s wrists. Scourge wiped his face and felt his heart sink. It wasn’t… okay, but it was there. He couldn’t deny it any further. It was really starting to hit now just what the hell was happening. \n\nHe could easily lose this. Zonic being this… gentle even after getting angry was just not a goddamn luxury he could spend. It only took knowing that, yes, Zonic could score with someone else if he really tried, and that was -scary-. Knowing that zonic was able to find someone the first night he left, the fact he was able to have a -good- time with someone else? Scourge was shaken to the core, he could’ve lost this. Even though he felt it was purely physical, he still wanted it. He didn’t want to lose something like this, whatever the fuck -this- was. He needed it, he wanted to be spoiled and held, coddled and catered to. He wanted Zonic to pay attention to him, he wanted the cop to come back every day with some goofy smile on his face cause he was relieved to see -Scourge-. He wanted someone that saw him than more than just -the bad guy-. Fiona saw him for someone too, but she liked him because he was just that -bad boy-. \n\nIt hit him like a wrecking ball. The way it made him realize that he just wanted this… affection. Even though it was from a man, it still felt validating. He frowned more, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. It was...demeaning, but it felt like weights were being lifted from his shoulders. It hurt even more knowing he could lose something nice like this… to some random guy he wasn’t even aware of. His jealousy somewhat drove him to acceptance, though it was… not easy to say. \n\n“Don’t.. Leave me.” [/color]\n\n[color=#204a87]Zonic felt his eyes sting and his body tense up as Scourge leaned his head against his chest even though he was still in denial. Still insulting him. Still denying everything. He was so torn. He wanted to give up. He didn't want to hear excuses anymore. And yet here he was. Making one grave mistake after the other. He heard Scourge sniff again but he hesitated. He couldn't. He couldn't give in. This was not okay.\n\nOr so he thought until Scourge spoke up again.\n\n\"Don't... leave me.\"\n\nSomewhere deep inside him he felt something melt and suddenly everything was warm. His arms wrapped around Scourge's back and he pulled him against his chest harder. Closer. He pressed his muzzle into the fur on Scourge's head and his fingers dug into the other's back. This was what he'd wanted. These were the words. It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. He was aware that Zhadow was better in absolutely every way. Gentler. Actually caring. Not at all egoistic. Beautiful. Better in bed. Loyal and honest. And Zonic had a feeling if he did it right the striped hedgehog would stick around forever.\n\nIt didn't make any sense. But where he was right now... was where he wanted to be more than anything else. Scourge was the one he wanted to hold in his arms so tightly. Scourge was the one he wanted to spoil. Why did his heart bleed. Why were there tears of relief running over his cheeks. Why was he stroking the other's back so gently? Why was Scourge the one he wanted when clearly... everything about this was awfully wrong. And it would only get more difficult from here on out, he knew that. What when Scourge had to return to prison. What'd he do then? Visit him there? Write letters? This entire situation held no logic.\n\nBut it felt so good. It felt so right. It felt... like so much.\n\n\"I won't.\" It was only a whisper, had he spoken any louder his voice would have broken. He could feel the other softly trembling in his arms. Shaken by his quiet sobs. For the first time since he'd met the criminal, Scourge felt fragile. He'd been exposed. His protective walls torn down. And now he was about to break. And all Zonic wanted was to piece him back together. Slowly. Piece by piece. Until he stopped shaking. Until he stopped crying. Until he stopped being afraid.\n\nIt was so easy to spoil him. It felt rewarding in a way that Zonic didn't understand. But then he felt like he didn't have to. He didn't need to. It was just what it was. He loosened his hug a little, placing a hand on Scourge's wet cheek instead, gently tipping his head back.\n\nHe didn't look any better himself so it didn't matter. Not that it had ever mattered.\n\n\"I'll be right here...\" He whispered against the other's muzzle, before he kissed him. Slowly. Gently. Just the way he wanted to. For the second time since all this chaos started. A lover's kiss.[/color]\n\n[color=#4e9a06]A very dark part of Scourge felt as though it had some how got its way. He felt as though he lost but then won. He felt the darkest crevices of his mind activate into some twisted form of triumph. He was keeping this one around, he wasn’t letting him go and for reasons he felt were for real but was he really so sure? Scourge had an ‘idea’ that this was not the best for either of them. Being the kind of person he was, this was the worst thing to happen even though it was what he just asked for. Zonic deserved -better-, he got a taste of that last night yet still. Still the blue cop was here, kissing him in such a passionate way, Scourge actually felt bad. This feeling emerging was the feeling that he bested someone who had no idea how to say no. He felt… horrible. \n\nIt was just apart of his anti personality to just feel this way. He had basically manipulated this poor cop and wasn’t sure how. He felt… bad. He felt horrible, for being the way he always was. It wasn’t as if the tears or display just now wasn’t genuine, it definitely was. He meant it when he asked Zonic to stay. He wanted to keep this, but he knew this was not healthy yet still, he wouldn’t give it up. Scourge knew deep down, this was going to end horribly for Zonic. If anyone was going to suffer, it’d be the cop. He was going to get hurt, and knowing this made Scourge feel like shit. For once in his goddamn life, he felt bad for someone else. \n\nScourge moved back, staring at Zonic with wide eyes, obviously hurting from this… He just… this didn’t sit well with him. \n\n“I… Wait.” He began to shake even more. This was not something he was used to, why did he not just take it as it was. He had Zonic, he was somewhat honest, he did what was almost impossible! But it still wasn’t okay. “Are you… sure??” He asked, frowning and shaking his head. “Are you. Clearly sure you want this??” He was ruining this, ruining these things for himself, why the fuck was he even asking, what happened to staying selfish?? “I… I mean it’s… nice, I don’t want you to leave me.. You left a fuckin’ impact and I don’t want it to end, I selfishly need this. But… I can’t get it out of my head…” He held his head, looking down, relly scared of his -worry- over someone else. “You’re gonna get hurt by me, aren’t you aware of that? This is stupid of me to even say but you -had- someone way better last night yet you’re still settling for less?” \n\nMaybe for once his facade was broken, he was being honest and actually channeling a side of himself he never knew he had. Sonic’s words about how easily Scourge could be good shook him. \n\n“What the fuck is happening to me… why do I… care about you like this? Why do I fuckin’ care?? I’m supposed to care about me and me only! Why do I care about you??” It wasn’t an angry question but a very confused one. He didn’t get it. “You shouldn’t do this… but I need you… No one’s ever treated me like this, I hate it. I hate feeling attached, it’s not fair.” Now he just sounded like a very unsatisfied child. “You shouldn’t… chose me.” [/color]\n\n[color=#204a87]He listened to Scourge's words. He worried. He stopped being selfish, it was like a miracle happened. He was silent, letting Scourge finish. He agreed with everything the other said. He was gonna get hurt. This was wrong. This was doomed to fail horribly and he was gonna be the one to suffer. He shouldn't do this. Every single word Scourge said was true.\n\nBut he didn't feel like he could let go of the other now. Instead he kissed the criminal again, cupping his cheeks with his hands again to make him look up.\n\n\"I know.\" He said quietly, his eyes locked with Scourge's and his thumbs running over his cheeks. This was the worst moment to smile but he couldn't help it. He was happy. Genuinely... really happy. He felt free and calm and warm. He was where he wanted to be. Even if he'd regret this later.\n\nHe just kissed Scourge again. On his lips, his cheek and his lips again. This was something he'd never felt before. Something new. He was going against all logic. Against all reason. And he wasn't afraid at all. Not even worried. And then it suddenly clicked in his brain. The last piece of the puzzle. The answer to everything he'd been going through during the past month.\n\nThe answer to absolutely everything that didn't make sense.\n\n\"I know... what you're saying is right. I know... but I can't. Had you dumped me today... one last time... I'd have given up.\" He said softly, kissing Scourge again. \"But... I can't now. I can't chose anyone else... Because I think... because....\" He kissed Scourge again, gently pushing him down into the pillows before he looked at him again, running a hand over his cheek.\n\n\"Because for a while now... I've been in love with you.\"[/color]\n\n[color=#4e9a06]The kisses kept coming, he didn’t know how to take all this. Zonic was too nice, he was too sweet, too soft, Scourge didn’t deserve him at all. He should’ve been laughing over the fact he won the other over despite being his usual self but it just didn’t feel right. He was a bad person, he accepted this looong before he met Zonic and now being bad just felt like the worst thing for someone he actually gave a shit about. Now he felt like he made a mistake saying all that, Zonic blindly kissed him anyways, promising that he was happy either way despite this being the worst decision. This made no sense but Scourge felt himself calm down into each kiss. He didn’t… seem to mind as he thought more about it. Sure he never asked for it, but something kind of okay came out of it. It didn’t make sense and probably won’t ever. He had an -exception-. An exception that took over a lot more than he bargained for. Even if the sex was superb and he felt like he could do anything to Zonic, that wasn’t all this feeling was. \n\nHe had a moment of clarity, noticing that with every kiss, Zonic was giving it his all despite them being sweet, loving and soft. He relaxed, only to tense up again once Zonic confessed. What sense… did any of this make? How did this come to be? Why was it happening? He began to blush, the heat in his face never ceased, it was there to stay. He couldn’t comprehend but he felt… happy. There was no rhyme or reason but fuck if it mattered. His mind was occupied on Zonic even while he had what he had been craving for months. Even with the prettiest girl he had ever seen in a -long- time, he couldn’t look at her. It was stupid but shit like this always made people stupid. Zonic was stupid, even he himself was really fuckin’ stupid. \n\nScourge had sat there still staring at the other with a completely blank face on. He didn’t know how to respond but slowly he came to a conclusion. He didn’t know if he… also felt that way. Wasn’t sure if he really was -in love-. That still made no sense and he refused to make such a promise. It was already bad enough he was bound to hurt Zonic in ways no other person could. This burden was heavy, it hurt and he hated that they now had to share it. Zonic was too… pure for him. He was going to mess this guy up… He didn’t want that. \n\n“You’re… fuckin insane.” He managed to say, looking down andpulling Zonic’s hands off his cheeks. “Crazy as hell. I don’t get you but I can’t say no to that. I guess… it’s cool.” He felt embarrassed. “I’m… okay with this. For the first time… you’re an exception.. Yeah.” He nodded, looking back up. “But seriously, you’re stupid for doing this. But I guess you can’t help that so… whatever.” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss him, it didn’t feel right, he didn’t really deserve that. He almost lost this and… well. \nScourge pulled Zonic down, giving him a very tight hug. He needed time to think this disaster over. His embrace was warm, he kept the other there for a moment before letting go. \n\n“Give me time… I got a lot to think about. I-I mean like, this is fine and i’m glad just… I-I got shit to sort out… mentally.”[/color]\n\n[color=#204a87]Zonic watched Scourge blush, watched how his expressions changed as the message sank in. Cute. The insult tumbling out of Scourge's mouth made him chuckle. He couldn't even be mad. After all it was completely correct. \"I guess I'm insane... yeah. And stupid, too.\" He agreed. Scourge's hug still caught him a little off guard but he quickly relaxed into it, closing his eyes and letting out a small content sigh.\n\nHe could hear Scourge's heart racing as fast as his own. He could feel his heat. His fur and skin. Everything. Even after Scourge let go he stayed like this a little longer. \"Thinking? -You-? Try not to hurt yourself.\" He teased, letting himself slide off the other to one side. His head was on Scourge's shoulder and he was tracing the green one's scars with one finger. \"No one but me knows that you can be like this...\" He mumbled quietly, a smile on his face while his eyes followed the finger playing with Scourge's chest. \"You're anti sonic. A criminal. Evil. Cruel. But... nobody knows... how nice you can be. How gentle. Only me. That's all I need. Being your exception is all I need.\"\n\nHe was drawing little circles into the other's peachy fur. He let out a long sigh and wrapped his limbs around Scourge again pulling him closer, pressing his head under the other's chin. Relief was washing over him in waves, making his tense body relax. This was his now. His moment. His privilege.\n\nFor a moment he just lay there holding the other in his arms but then he changed position again. Propping himself up enough to be able to look at Scourge. His thoughts drifted to Zhadow briefly. Well... that was gonna be a disaster. The other disagreed with him on his decisions so much already but... this wasn't a matter of logic and reason. Would the black hedgehog understand? Suddenly he was afraid Scourge was going to be taken from him by force. Zhadow had a lot of power. He was in a superior department and the bosses favourite. If he mentioned Scourge up there... would they take him away? No. He didn't want to think about that. Not now. The moment was too nice to think about things like -that-. No one would take Scourge away. He was going to make sure of that.\n\n\"Scourge?... I'll give you one more thing to think about... Won't you... please let me sleep with you? This is the last 'first time' I have left... I want you to have all of them... and I want a reason to spoil you more.\" He smiled and his voice was calm. He wasn't planning on setting a deadline on this. No pressure whatsoever. He just wanted to... so badly. One day. Hoping he could make the criminal feel better and safer again.[/color]\n\n[center][b]TBC.[/b][/center]","writing_bbcode_parsed":"
CHAPTER XXVII


She didn’t understand Zonic shielding his eyes, but things kinda came together for her. She assumed at first he was just overly conservative, but Scourge said Zonic’s name last night.

“Ah. That’s what it is.” She rolled her eyes. “I hope you both figure this out. I guess I sort of helped.” She crossed her arms, watching them go into the room. She was completely alright with this, but also very bummed out. In the room, Scourge only just noticed that he was in the bedroom now when the door was locked. He blinked, now not even sure what he was suppose to say, what he was suppose to do. He could easily use his trauma, just spout nonsense about how he had a really vivid flashback that stopped him, yeah that was a good excuse. He’d work with that.

“I… I wasn’t… grounded.” He started, beginning to sweat. “I got… ugh.” He held his head, sitting on the bed and gripping his spines as much as he could. “I just… I was fine…! I was okay! I don’t know, i don’t fucking know!!” He was so upset at himself, so angry that this happened. He was trying to lie but the lie wouldn’t come out, what was happening to him?! He wanted to pass this off as just a tiny mistake that fucked up the night, that he could do it again if he really wanted to. “Why didn’t you just stay here?? You left and that made it harder for me!” Scourge looked up at Zonic with a frown. “You kept me grounded last time, it’s not like she could..!” He huffed, standing up. This was Zonic’s fault, he should have stayed here, but he was out. “I bet your night was soo fuckin nice, huh?? I bet you… you had a great time..!”

Where was he even going with this??

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t fuckin’ do it okay? I don’t know what happened, I was happy with it, I felt fine but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t! I don’t know why!! It’s unfair, this is so unfair!” He was in such a state of turmoil, this made no sense. “What’d you fuckin’ do to me… You made all of this confusing… I hate you so much for this, Zonic.” He sat back down, face in his hands trying to calm down.

Zonic listened to all of this with a blank face. Putting the pieces together in his head. First there was only disbelief. And then... he was furious. He felt anger ignite inside his gut so suddenly he flinched. He grabbed Scourge and pulled him up, only to slap him square across the face. The slapping sound was probably loud enough to be heard in the living room and he hoped dearly that the lady was gone by now.

"What... what did -I-... do to -YOU-?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU!?! YOU EGOTISTICAL ASSHOLE. YOU WANTED ME TO BE HERE? WHILE YOU FUCK -HER-?! TO MAKE -YOU- FEEL BETTER?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! DO I LOOK LIKE A THERAPY DOG TO YOU?! I WAS...i can't... I can't believe you. I was MISERABLE! I do not  exist for your BLOODY CONVENIENCE! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!"

He tossed the other on the bed, towering over him with a glare that could probably freeze a volcano. "You know what. I'll tell you. I'll tell you exactly what I did to you. I allowed you to be cruel to me, to walk all over me, to be in total control of me. To be the king you want to be so badly. I let you do to me whatever you wanted. Indulged your delusions of grandeur. And enjoyed your violence. That's what I did. I showed you a good time! But no more. Isn't it ironic that I realise I can have better, just when you realise that you can't have anyone better? Because no one is stupid enough to let you play your little power games like I was."

He leaned down to Scourge, nearly touching their muzzles together. "So why don't you grow a pair and start being honest. Hm... or don't." He stood back. "I don't really care. Because, to answer your question, yes. I had a really good night. I know now that even if you can't do it with me anymore I won't be alone. I know what it feels like to be held -gently-. Without any pain. And what it feels like to be wanted. So I suppose I'm cured from my unhealthy addiction to you. And you can have aaaall the time in the world to learn how to fuck a lady again. To be honest for all this bullshit you pulled... you almost deserve being impotent."

That felt good. He got everything off his chest. Everything he'd wanted to say but couldn't. He had a lot less to lose now. After all there was someone willing to catch him when he felt lonely. Someone who was more than capable of catching him to boot. Still... Zonic's heart was bleeding... and he didn't understand why.

Zonic’s voice could be heard from the livingroom, the fox girl was there still, drinking a nice cup of coffee still waiting on that taxi.Boy, that sounded like a ridiculous mess in there…

Scourge felt his head suddenly sting in pain, he wasn’t looking at the cop anymore, instead the wall. He was … unable to register what the fuck just happened, suddenly shoved onto the bed and now Zonic towering over him. The words, they left a heavy impact, it scared him but he did his best to bare his teeth back. His cheek, head and eyes were hurting, felt as though everything around him was crumbling to pieces. Why was this happening anyways? He didn’t get it… Scourge grabbed Zonic’s shoulders, wanting to push him off but wow, he could barely moved.

It kind of hurt. He didn’t get why, but it actually hurt to hear this. Zonic’s night was the complete opposite of what Scourge had endured. All this confusion, this anger over this new discovery and suddenly Zonic had everything all figured out. He was pissed. This wasn’t fair. He never asked to be brought here, never asked to be saved or taken care of. He didn’t ask for Zonic to care for him, to start catching desires or anything like that. He didn’t want any of this yet it was bursting right in his face. He was being yelled at for being a dick, sure he deserved that. He never treated Zonic okay, that was just how he was with anyone that wasn’t him. He couldn’t bring himself to care as much as the average joe, it was difficult.

He wanted to yell back at him but he didn’t know what to even say. All of this shit came towering down all at once and he was shaken to his core. He couldn’t get Zonic out of his mind while he had one chance to prove more to himself than anyone else that he was completely straight. He couldn’t even do that, why couldn’t he just been left in jail to die from whatever horrors those assholes had for him?

“I… didn’t ask for this..! I didn’t ask you to save me. I didn’t… ask for you to do any of this!! You brought me here, YOU decided to get attached to ME.” He huffed, trying to hold his glare but his eyes were opened so wide from shock over his realization of what all this was. “It’s your fault… your fault this even came to be yet you can’t take responsibility for that either…!” He sniffed, no. This wasn’t happening, turning his head to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to be seen. “I coulda died in jail, it would’ve been better that way but NO, you came along, trying to act like some kind of savior! You shoulda just left me there!” What stung the most was hearing someone else had Zonic for the night. Why did that hurt.

Scourge moved away, crawling further onto the bed as he rubbed his eyes, trying to keep his composure but it was hard. He was jealous, angry… it didn’t make sense to him. He still couldn’t find the right words, but chaos, this was… all falling apart.

He watched the emotional rollercoaster Scourge went through. Shock, stubborn anger, hurt. "Heh... so you'd rather die than admit to yourself that you like me. That you like being with me. That I make you feel good? Is that how it is?" He asked. He knew Scourge was just being stubborn, again, but this hurt. It hit him right where he was most vulnerable. "You're telling me you'd rather be raped than say that you want me? Ha... Hahaha. That really hurts you know... Even though I know you're just stubborn. I already know how you really feel and that it's just your pride getting in the way. That you're afraid if you admit you like me it'll mean these guys in prison broke you. That it means that somehow being violated made you enjoy dicks. I get it. But... it's not like that, you know? The two things are unrelated. You can even be completely straight... and I'm just an exception because I cater to your needs so well. This was never complicated. You're the one making it so."

He'd followed Scourge further onto the bed until the green hog hit the head board. Zonic's insides clenched and hurt at the view of Scourge trying to fight back tears. He was so close to cave again. This was hard to watch. He wanted to wrap his arms around Scourge and kiss him as gently as possible. He wanted to comfort him. But... he thought of Zhadow and his words. This was a mess. This was wrong. He had to stop this. He had to stop...feeling this way. Scourge was gonna return to prison one day. What then? And Zhadow...Zhadow was right there. Zhadow was not a mistake. He was better. He didn't contradict Zonic'd morals in every possible way. He genuinely wanted him. He was gentle. He was understanding. They could work so well together.

Why was he sitting here, struggling with  himself not to pull Scourge into his arms and tell him everything would be alright. This wasn't supposed to be painful. Why was it so painful?!

"Just say it... please, Scourge." His voice was calm and soft now. He pulled the other's hands away from his face and cupped his cheeks in his hands rubbing the small tears away.

He was making a mistake. He had to stop this. This was awful. He had to stop being gentle. He had to stop being soft. Scourge didn't deserve any of it. Zhadow was right. He'd hurt and killed people. He'd treated him like shit 99% of the time. Why... why was it so hard to be angry? Why did all of this hurt as if someone was slowly scraping his heart out of his chest. Why were his eyes burning? Just why? He wanted to focus on Zhadow. He wanted to think of the wonderful striped hedgehog and him alone. He wanted to let Scourge go. He wanted to stop this. But his body and heart were effectively disagreeing with his brain.

“I don’t wanna deal with this..!” He huffed, not liking that Zonic was getting so close. He couldn’t move away any further, his hands were taken and he lost any will to fight back. This wasn’t comfortable, none of this felt right. He didn’t believe any of it, yet he couldn’t just ignore it. It was coming to a head that he may not be a certain way and Zonic just telling him everything he didn’t wanna hear made it worse. He wanted to reject it, find some excuse, blame someone else. He was a victim, he was the one being handled incorrectly from jail to this place and now he was confused. Zonic kept talking, he mentioned himself being hurt by this but, fuck, Scourge was hurting too! What about him?

His thoughts were all selfish but zonic keep pushing for him to just be honest. It didn’t feel good. Scourge didn’t like this, he began to curl up, shaking his head still not looking at Zonic. Why was this so hard for him to even be -okay- with? It felt like a large wall being torn down, one that he had spent so long building.

“I don’t want to like you. I don’t want to like you at all..!” He leaned into Zonic’s hands, holding his wrists and lowered his head. “This is wrong, it’s all wrong.” He couldn’t remember anyone really taking the time to be this patient, even though Zonic had lost his temper more than once, but he kept trying to get it through to Scourge. He had closed his eyes, trying to remember Fiona and how their relationship was. It was mostly physical but there was still commitment. He worried so much that seeing her again meant he wouldn’t be able to get it up properly. She was there when he needed her most but not during shit like this. Not during moments where he felt at his worst. He couldn’t remember the last time she actually took so much time to really help him with things that weren’t just kicking other people’s asses or making it hell on earth for those around them.

This feeling was so foreign, warm and inviting. He never had that kind of treatment, someone willing enough to come back to him even though he was a huge dick. He couldn’t register that properly, it made no sense and even after Zonic yelled at him, slapped him clear across the face and cornered him, here he was still talking like he was trying to help.

“You’re… too fuckin’ soft,” He huffed, leaning forward. His head met with Zonic’s chest, it felt safe but he didn’t want it to. He never wanted to see Zonic in any positive light, he didn’t want to like him but in some weird way?? “Why do you keep trying. You had a great night with someone else yet you’re here… trying to push me to admit to something I really don’t wanna acknowledge.” He opened his eyes, sniffing and pulled his hands off of the other’s wrists. Scourge wiped his face and felt his heart sink. It wasn’t… okay, but it was there. He couldn’t deny it any further. It was really starting to hit now just what the hell was happening.

He could easily lose this. Zonic being this… gentle even after getting angry was just not a goddamn luxury he could spend. It only took knowing that, yes, Zonic could score with someone else if he really tried, and that was -scary-. Knowing that zonic was able to find someone the first night he left, the fact he was able to have a -good- time with someone else? Scourge was shaken to the core, he could’ve lost this. Even though he felt it was purely physical, he still wanted it. He didn’t want to lose something like this, whatever the fuck -this- was. He needed it, he wanted to be spoiled and held, coddled and catered to. He wanted Zonic to pay attention to him, he wanted the cop to come back every day with some goofy smile on his face cause he was relieved to see -Scourge-. He wanted someone that saw him than more than just -the bad guy-. Fiona saw him for someone too, but she liked him because he was just that -bad boy-.

It hit him like a wrecking ball. The way it made him realize that he just wanted this… affection. Even though it was from a man, it still felt validating. He frowned more, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. It was...demeaning, but it felt like weights were being lifted from his shoulders. It hurt even more knowing he could lose something nice like this… to some random guy he wasn’t even aware of. His jealousy somewhat drove him to acceptance, though it was… not easy to say.

“Don’t.. Leave me.”

Zonic felt his eyes sting and his body tense up as Scourge leaned his head against his chest even though he was still in denial. Still insulting him. Still denying everything. He was so torn. He wanted to give up. He didn't want to hear excuses anymore. And yet here he was. Making one grave mistake after the other. He heard Scourge sniff again but he hesitated. He couldn't. He couldn't give in. This was not okay.

Or so he thought until Scourge spoke up again.

"Don't... leave me."

Somewhere deep inside him he felt something melt and suddenly everything was warm. His arms wrapped around Scourge's back and he pulled him against his chest harder. Closer. He pressed his muzzle into the fur on Scourge's head and his fingers dug into the other's back. This was what he'd wanted. These were the words. It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. He was aware that Zhadow was better in absolutely every way. Gentler. Actually caring. Not at all egoistic. Beautiful. Better in bed. Loyal and honest. And Zonic had a feeling if he did it right the striped hedgehog would stick around forever.

It didn't make any sense. But where he was right now... was where he wanted to be more than anything else. Scourge was the one he wanted to hold in his arms so tightly. Scourge was the one he wanted to spoil. Why did his heart bleed. Why were there tears of relief running over his cheeks. Why was he stroking the other's back so gently? Why was Scourge the one he wanted when clearly... everything about this was awfully wrong. And it would only get more difficult from here on out, he knew that. What when Scourge had to return to prison. What'd he do then? Visit him there? Write letters? This entire situation held no logic.

But it felt so good. It felt so right. It felt... like so much.

"I won't." It was only a whisper, had he spoken any louder his voice would have broken. He could feel the other softly trembling in his arms. Shaken by his quiet sobs. For the first time since he'd met the criminal, Scourge felt fragile. He'd been exposed. His protective walls torn down. And now he was about to break. And all Zonic wanted was to piece him back together. Slowly. Piece by piece. Until he stopped shaking. Until he stopped crying. Until he stopped being afraid.

It was so easy to spoil him. It felt rewarding in a way that Zonic didn't understand. But then he felt like he didn't have to. He didn't need to. It was just what it was. He loosened his hug a little, placing a hand on Scourge's wet cheek instead, gently tipping his head back.

He didn't look any better himself so it didn't matter. Not that it had ever mattered.

"I'll be right here..." He whispered against the other's muzzle, before he kissed him. Slowly. Gently. Just the way he wanted to. For the second time since all this chaos started. A lover's kiss.

A very dark part of Scourge felt as though it had some how got its way. He felt as though he lost but then won. He felt the darkest crevices of his mind activate into some twisted form of triumph. He was keeping this one around, he wasn’t letting him go and for reasons he felt were for real but was he really so sure? Scourge had an ‘idea’ that this was not the best for either of them. Being the kind of person he was, this was the worst thing to happen even though it was what he just asked for. Zonic deserved -better-, he got a taste of that last night yet still. Still the blue cop was here, kissing him in such a passionate way, Scourge actually felt bad. This feeling emerging was the feeling that he bested someone who had no idea how to say no. He felt… horrible.

It was just apart of his anti personality to just feel this way. He had basically manipulated this poor cop and wasn’t sure how. He felt… bad. He felt horrible, for being the way he always was. It wasn’t as if the tears or display just now wasn’t genuine, it definitely was. He meant it when he asked Zonic to stay. He wanted to keep this, but he knew this was not healthy yet still, he wouldn’t give it up. Scourge knew deep down, this was going to end horribly for Zonic. If anyone was going to suffer, it’d be the cop. He was going to get hurt, and knowing this made Scourge feel like shit. For once in his goddamn life, he felt bad for someone else.

Scourge moved back, staring at Zonic with wide eyes, obviously hurting from this… He just… this didn’t sit well with him.

“I… Wait.” He began to shake even more. This was not something he was used to, why did he not just take it as it was. He had Zonic, he was somewhat honest, he did what was almost impossible! But it still wasn’t okay. “Are you… sure??” He asked, frowning and shaking his head. “Are you. Clearly sure you want this??” He was ruining this, ruining these things for himself, why the fuck was he even asking, what happened to staying selfish?? “I… I mean it’s… nice, I don’t want you to leave me.. You left a fuckin’ impact and I don’t want it to end, I selfishly need this. But… I can’t get it out of my head…” He held his head, looking down, relly scared of his -worry- over someone else. “You’re gonna get hurt by me, aren’t you aware of that? This is stupid of me to even say but you -had- someone way better last night yet you’re still settling for less?”

Maybe for once his facade was broken, he was being honest and actually channeling a side of himself he never knew he had. Sonic’s words about how easily Scourge could be good shook him.

“What the fuck is happening to me… why do I… care about you like this? Why do I fuckin’ care?? I’m supposed to care about me and me only! Why do I care about you??” It wasn’t an angry question but a very confused one. He didn’t get it. “You shouldn’t do this… but I need you… No one’s ever treated me like this, I hate it. I hate feeling attached, it’s not fair.” Now he just sounded like a very unsatisfied child. “You shouldn’t… chose me.”

He listened to Scourge's words. He worried. He stopped being selfish, it was like a miracle happened. He was silent, letting Scourge finish. He agreed with everything the other said. He was gonna get hurt. This was wrong. This was doomed to fail horribly and he was gonna be the one to suffer. He shouldn't do this. Every single word Scourge said was true.

But he didn't feel like he could let go of the other now. Instead he kissed the criminal again, cupping his cheeks with his hands again to make him look up.

"I know." He said quietly, his eyes locked with Scourge's and his thumbs running over his cheeks. This was the worst moment to smile but he couldn't help it. He was happy. Genuinely... really happy. He felt free and calm and warm. He was where he wanted to be. Even if he'd regret this later.

He just kissed Scourge again. On his lips, his cheek and his lips again. This was something he'd never felt before. Something new. He was going against all logic. Against all reason. And he wasn't afraid at all. Not even worried. And then it suddenly clicked in his brain. The last piece of the puzzle. The answer to everything he'd been going through during the past month.

The answer to absolutely everything that didn't make sense.

"I know... what you're saying is right. I know... but I can't. Had you dumped me today... one last time... I'd have given up." He said softly, kissing Scourge again. "But... I can't now. I can't chose anyone else... Because I think... because...." He kissed Scourge again, gently pushing him down into the pillows before he looked at him again, running a hand over his cheek.

"Because for a while now... I've been in love with you."

The kisses kept coming, he didn’t know how to take all this. Zonic was too nice, he was too sweet, too soft, Scourge didn’t deserve him at all. He should’ve been laughing over the fact he won the other over despite being his usual self but it just didn’t feel right. He was a bad person, he accepted this looong before he met Zonic and now being bad just felt like the worst thing for someone he actually gave a shit about. Now he felt like he made a mistake saying all that, Zonic blindly kissed him anyways, promising that he was happy either way despite this being the worst decision. This made no sense but Scourge felt himself calm down into each kiss. He didn’t… seem to mind as he thought more about it. Sure he never asked for it, but something kind of okay came out of it. It didn’t make sense and probably won’t ever. He had an -exception-. An exception that took over a lot more than he bargained for. Even if the sex was superb and he felt like he could do anything to Zonic, that wasn’t all this feeling was.

He had a moment of clarity, noticing that with every kiss, Zonic was giving it his all despite them being sweet, loving and soft. He relaxed, only to tense up again once Zonic confessed. What sense… did any of this make? How did this come to be? Why was it happening? He began to blush, the heat in his face never ceased, it was there to stay. He couldn’t comprehend but he felt… happy. There was no rhyme or reason but fuck if it mattered. His mind was occupied on Zonic even while he had what he had been craving for months. Even with the prettiest girl he had ever seen in a -long- time, he couldn’t look at her. It was stupid but shit like this always made people stupid. Zonic was stupid, even he himself was really fuckin’ stupid.

Scourge had sat there still staring at the other with a completely blank face on. He didn’t know how to respond but slowly he came to a conclusion. He didn’t know if he… also felt that way. Wasn’t sure if he really was -in love-. That still made no sense and he refused to make such a promise. It was already bad enough he was bound to hurt Zonic in ways no other person could. This burden was heavy, it hurt and he hated that they now had to share it. Zonic was too… pure for him. He was going to mess this guy up… He didn’t want that.

“You’re… fuckin insane.” He managed to say, looking down andpulling Zonic’s hands off his cheeks. “Crazy as hell. I don’t get you but I can’t say no to that. I guess… it’s cool.” He felt embarrassed. “I’m… okay with this. For the first time… you’re an exception.. Yeah.” He nodded, looking back up. “But seriously, you’re stupid for doing this. But I guess you can’t help that so… whatever.” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss him, it didn’t feel right, he didn’t really deserve that. He almost lost this and… well.
Scourge pulled Zonic down, giving him a very tight hug. He needed time to think this disaster over. His embrace was warm, he kept the other there for a moment before letting go.

“Give me time… I got a lot to think about. I-I mean like, this is fine and i’m glad just… I-I got shit to sort out… mentally.”

Zonic watched Scourge blush, watched how his expressions changed as the message sank in. Cute. The insult tumbling out of Scourge's mouth made him chuckle. He couldn't even be mad. After all it was completely correct. "I guess I'm insane... yeah. And stupid, too." He agreed. Scourge's hug still caught him a little off guard but he quickly relaxed into it, closing his eyes and letting out a small content sigh.

He could hear Scourge's heart racing as fast as his own. He could feel his heat. His fur and skin. Everything. Even after Scourge let go he stayed like this a little longer. "Thinking? -You-? Try not to hurt yourself." He teased, letting himself slide off the other to one side. His head was on Scourge's shoulder and he was tracing the green one's scars with one finger. "No one but me knows that you can be like this..." He mumbled quietly, a smile on his face while his eyes followed the finger playing with Scourge's chest. "You're anti sonic. A criminal. Evil. Cruel. But... nobody knows... how nice you can be. How gentle. Only me. That's all I need. Being your exception is all I need."

He was drawing little circles into the other's peachy fur. He let out a long sigh and wrapped his limbs around Scourge again pulling him closer, pressing his head under the other's chin. Relief was washing over him in waves, making his tense body relax. This was his now. His moment. His privilege.

For a moment he just lay there holding the other in his arms but then he changed position again. Propping himself up enough to be able to look at Scourge. His thoughts drifted to Zhadow briefly. Well... that was gonna be a disaster. The other disagreed with him on his decisions so much already but... this wasn't a matter of logic and reason. Would the black hedgehog understand? Suddenly he was afraid Scourge was going to be taken from him by force. Zhadow had a lot of power. He was in a superior department and the bosses favourite. If he mentioned Scourge up there... would they take him away? No. He didn't want to think about that. Not now. The moment was too nice to think about things like -that-. No one would take Scourge away. He was going to make sure of that.

"Scourge?... I'll give you one more thing to think about... Won't you... please let me sleep with you? This is the last 'first time' I have left... I want you to have all of them... and I want a reason to spoil you more." He smiled and his voice was calm. He wasn't planning on setting a deadline on this. No pressure whatsoever. He just wanted to... so badly. One day. Hoping he could make the criminal feel better and safer again.

TBC.
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