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Here's a link!\nhttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1k0PobVi3hgyzg8zrro6rnqLLpm_cybJd-3LP-kvp1KI/edit?usp=sharing\n\nFeel like giving me a little financial assistance? I’ve set up a SubscribeStar account! I'm extremely thankful for everyone who donates anything they can, be it a subscription or one-off donation.\nhttps://subscribestar.adult/kiroberos-entertainment", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Potentially Triggering Tags:
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Chapter Summaries:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VHNSczlxfkUvf34NKZN...

Curious about my custom species? Here's a link!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k0PobVi3hgyzg8zrro6...

Feel like giving me a little financial assistance?  I’ve set up a SubscribeStar account!  I'm extremely thankful for everyone who donates anything they can, be it a subscription or one-off donation.
https://subscribestar.adult/kiroberos-entertainment", "writing": "We all suffer [i]together[/i]. I shivered there, knees tucked into my chest and resting against the broken bone wall to my left. It was... [i]so hard[/i] to think. The storm was still raging. It had been for... probably over a moon now. I had no grasp of time whatsoever. Wind and snow blazed past the missing wall a couple meters in front of me, with over half of the castle having collapsed into a gaping chasm of nothingness. It tore through the landscape in huge swaths, to both sides of my little existence, like some great beast had rent the land with its claws. Then just missed this little area I was sheltered in.\n\nWell, it wasn't little. About a room and a half survived. What used to be a storage room, and bits and pieces of the original library, from my memories of Laridia. They were from my memories, I knew, and just fragments I'd pieced together. I... assumed it had been from what I stabilized of myself during that final press with the fully empowered Soulthorn. It... wasn't just to cause pain. That asshole just hadn't known how to really use it.\n\nIt tore at the soul. Maybe the Demons originally used it for something similar to what Atir had. It was a major artifact however, and only it existed. Thankfully. I'd found it towards the end of the book. There... wasn't much more to do here other than read what I could, and listen for any secrets in the song. It was... hard to focus at times. I could only assume they'd been... doing things to me in real life. To my physical body. What was I, now?\n\nI stood, looking down and over the edge into the black abyss that blazed with a deeper darkness. Most of the palace had fallen off the edge, and this little bit jutted out over it, jagged and frozen ice, and my own tentacles, supporting it underneath. My... soul had taken a lot of damage. I couldn't think around it. My head was stuffy and full of cotton. I... knew I wasn't operating at full capacity. The damage was supposed to be permanent. It... should have been. But I had an ally. Someone who was in me, but not in me at the same time. It... knew what was inside that abyss. It could think [i]through[/i] it, where I could only think around. It worked constantly to try to pull the gouged landscape back together again and fix my soul. Because it lived here too. But... It was also my friend now. The [i]Nexus[/i] had taken it long ago. Maybe it had been the first victim? Or maybe it [i]was[/i] the Nexus?\n\nIt didn't matter. Turning, I stepped back from the edge and walked for the inner door, brushing the snow off myself again as I went, and drying my eyes again. Sometimes it was all just... too much, and I needed a moment. Powerful tentacles held the walls and ceiling up around me, opening the door for me and letting me back into the warmth. It closed behind me gently, and a tentacle sealed it off, hiding me away from the storm once again. The storage room was moderately sized and full of garbage. Bits and pieces of my memories given form that had just been left here during the rending and scramble.\n\nI'd gathered them up where I could, picking out what was useful and what wasn't. I even had a little mattress in the corner, with a lantern and my reading desk from the library. I'd saved the bookshelf too, after my friend pulled me back into my soul at the last second. The Keyhole entity. The very same one that tried to kill me... fuck, so long ago now it felt like. It saved me. Us. It brought me here and helped me make a shelter to avoid my soul falling apart completely. Now, it was out there [i]fixing[/i] me. It shared everything with me. I knew where it was right now and exactly what it was doing. I'd...\n\nIt had been a very close call. In multiple ways. I'd almost died physically. There's a limit to how much the Soul Anchor can manage. The body [i]can[/i] still die, and Atir had done nothing if not gone overboard. On top of that, I'd come very, very close to Ego Death. I was... badly injured now. Soul and mind, I knew. I sat on the bed, feeling tired again, then sighed.\n\nI was a slave to my other self now. She was in control of my body. She was also definitely a girl. I was pretty sure the dysphoria she was experiencing was from slowly growing aware of my presence. She was like a new me, having started over with little to no episodic memories in existence. But Atir was right fucking there to guide her into exactly where he wanted. Exactly what he'd wanted to happen. Get rid of me and make a new personality that was nothing but an obedient little sex slave.\n\nIt worked. Sort of. But I didn't die. And whenever my other self slept, I had a... window. It took a lot out of me to use it, and I couldn't every night, but I was getting stronger. I smirked. And Voxet had taken my collar off, not even having a single clue what he'd unleashed. What he'd enabled for me.\n\nMy eyes flicked to the left wall, just next to my mattress. I'd managed to scrounge together some pillows and another blanket, and he was snoozing out on them still. The ghost Vulkus, who I'd somehow absorbed when he touched my soul in the Anchor room. His mind was... broken, but I worked with him when I could manage. He roamed a lot like just a... pet here, without a body to actually sync with. But he was really friendly, especially now that I'd stabilized him and started to heal his mind.\n\nFurther down the wall... The twins were still here in frozen statue form. They'd been captured thanks to their outburst that I'd warned them against doing. But it was... hard to communicate with them at that point. Over time though... It took me a couple weeks to stabilize their connection to the Nexus, and be able to talk to them directly through the `statues', but that connection was fully stable now... Further, they were also free. With my guidance, they escaped from the Agency's lockdown area, killed three guards, and in the dead of night, escaped with the entire Agency's vault of Demon artifacts. Including the Soulthorn. I didn't even need the thing, but [i]fuck[/i] the Agency. Everyone in it was pure evil.\n\nThey followed my guidance and words to the letter now, religiously. They'd gone into hiding, and I helped them set up a small supply line for them to use inside the lowest rungs of the city. I could see through their eyes, and hear through their ears. This... Nexus was powerful. Worse, it seemed to manipulate Aether and reality exactly like True Alchemy did. I had been able to instruct them, and force them to take their collars off themselves... The Nexus network was... more powerful than the slave collars, somehow.\n\nThen there were Atir and Callia. From what I'd figured out so far, the Nexus was infectious now and spread through my sexual fluids. I'm not sure when that happened, as I don't think I'd caused any changes to Exia, Yimir, or Kada. No. That... spreading growth inside of me was... It had grown strong enough. Fermented. Evolved... to become infectious. I think it had started way back when I'd been attacked by Lady Otria?s corpse. The Nexus infected someone's [i]soul[/i], and seemed to transfer control of them to me, exactly like the collars did. The Demons... had experimented with something similar a long time ago. They had called it the Nexus, which is where I'd gotten the phrase. It... was what our collars were based on, which left me with a [i]really[/i] bad taste in my muzzle. I didn't know where the [i]original[/i] Nexus had come from. Somehow, the Cult had infected me with... some dormant strain of it or something. It caused me to make my [i]own[/i] Nexus. It had a different energy wavelength, visibly represented by the blue color instead of red. Why... they did that, I don't know. But it was there. And now it had spread to my blood, too.\n\nI could choose of course to do nothing to those in the Nexus. I [i]could[/i]. But I didn't. The twins had become my agents in the city. I learned more about Nulidia every day. It... augmented them. They were already immensely skilled, physically, and had a lot of physical enhancements. But I was able to... change them. Push raw Aether energy through the link and into them, turning it physical and into stronger bones... more dense muscles... Even thicker and tougher skin. I wasn't worried about them getting into trouble anymore. I left their minds alone, and only tried to educate and help them there. Honestly, they'd been as fucked over by their father as I had.\n\nCallia... I healed her. Part of me pitied her. All her memories were mine now. They were abandoned when young by their drug abusing parents. Lost to Nulidia. She only had her sadistic, manipulative older brother to look out for her and all her mental issues, which degraded more every year. She lost all her empathy thanks to that, and his manipulation. Literally, she had suffered from sociopathy. A complete inability to empathically sync with anyone around her.\n\nI fixed that, no matter how much it hurt her. Her conscience came back, with all her memories still intact. It was actually about the worst punishment I could have possibly given to her. As an early experiment, I also repaired the degenerative disease. It was... easy when she was part of my Nexus. Then I left her be. She was with Atir, locked deep in the medical ward of the Agency. I might get them out at some point. Maybe.\n\nAtir... I hated Atir. When I'd recovered even a part of myself, I hated him instantly and immediately. The second he got linked to my Nexus, I had lashed out. It was... feral and animalistic. I wanted him to [i]suffer[/i] for what he had done to me. To so many before me, when I saw his full memories. So... I showed him all those memories. But from the other side. I let him torture and destroy himself over and over and over again, like he'd done to all of his victims. I used organic manipulation of the Nexus to make [i]sure[/i] he stayed alive, even through the times he [i]killed[/i] his target. It was... It felt glorious. Maybe I was a bit of a sadist myself, after everything I'd gone through. Maybe there was something seriously wrong with my head after I was [i]tortured[/i] for moons at a time. Broken down mentally until they tried to Ego Death me. Maybe I was crazy too? But I [i]enjoyed [/i]watching him suffer.\n\nNow, he was nothing but tatters. There was barely anything left of his core psyche, but he'd only managed to get through a third of his memories so far. But I was nothing if not [i]thorough[/i]. At this point, it was the only `justice' any of the slaves had a hope of getting. I'd make sure he got fed through every single memory he had, with him torturing [i]himself[/i] now, instead. It didn't matter what medicine and drugs they gave him. I used the Nexus to just break them all down and flush them from his body. [i]Nobody[/i] was going to help him now. Not until I was done, and he paid for every memory. Maybe they'd just kill him eventually, but it didn't matter. If the ghost Vulkus was any indication, his soul was [i]mine[/i] now instead.\n\nHonestly, that should scare the fuck out of me. In a way... it did. I had... a lot of research to do on this Nexus and what its deal was. The infection in my soul that had empowered me now. But... to do that, I needed to be healed. And until then, I was just... biding my time. I [i]had[/i] to get a grip on the infection. As it stood, I had no control over it whatsoever. My body was contagious. Anyone I had sex with... and now who came in contact with my blood, internally, was going to be forced into the Nexus. That... I had to fix that.\n\nWorse, I was pretty sure those who were in the Nexus already were [i]also[/i] contagious now. The twins I instructed to only be with each other for now, but if anyone had sex with Atir or Callia in the Agency... Well, no, I guess they'd be bringing anything that happened upon themselves at that point, raping people who were locked up in the medical ward. But... your [i]soul[/i] was a pretty steep price to pay, even for rape. Seemed a little disproportional to me, there. Could I... release the souls and people from the Nexus? If I couldn't, I had to find a way to restrict the spread somehow, or this could explode way out of control. I felt rushed, and couldn't rush at the same time. One of the most frustrating sensations in the world...\n\nNow though... Now, my other, fractured self was passing out again. I felt tired myself because of it, and laid down on the mattress. When she was asleep, I had the opportunity to take my body back. At least for a while. I couldn't... permanently yet. Though now... She existed. I suddenly found myself wondering how much of her was... [i]me[/i]. And how much of me was [i]her[/i]. If I took over control from her, would that be causing Ego Death for her, instead?\n\nI exhaled softly. It felt like I needed to try to talk to her more, but she was in a precarious position now. I didn't have my collar, which gave me a lot more options, but... I could only stay awake for a limited period of time, and was still in the heart of Nulidia with zero resources. One step at a time, Exes... Relaxing, I closed my eyes, and felt us dance around each other, her snuggling into me for a moment while I stepped forward past her once again...\n\n[center]~ ~ ~ ~ ~[/center]\n\nMy eyes opened again. The darkness of the room Vox had given me. I didn't know what to think of him. From the contacts I'd found that he had, he was shady as fuck. But everything in his records indicated he hadn't really been `active' for quite a while. Years, in fact. If anything, he'd started donating to the upper city's outreach programs, trying to get medical and mental health aid into Nulidia. And education, and the rescue of illegal slaves. All anonymously, of course. A change of heart? I... couldn't fault someone for deciding to turn over a new leaf, at least. And he indeed had done nothing but help me.\n\nBut even if I didn't think he was an absolute monster that should be purged, that didn't mean I had to [i]trust[/i] him. Trust, I found, was in... very limited supply with me, now. Chronak had been right. It indeed was better to be safe, than sorry. And now I had a [i]lot[/i] of vulnerabilities I needed to patch up with myself.\n\nA radial Scan activated on myself, and I smiled as I finally felt the Keyhole flare with life again in my chest, after having been sealed for Gods knew how long. Close to ten moons, by the date I'd found in Vox's comm system last night. That put it as... moving into summer again now. Fuck. Nobody had rescued me. I'd been gone almost a full year. I didn't know the status of any rescue attempts, or if they were even still searching. Actually, I didn't have any news at all from the outside world. That, I'd have to rectify.\n\nBut I was paranoid, and extended my senses out all around me with absolute precision, using True Alchemy to detect everything around myself as I did. Then I extended it in the direction I had [i]intended[/i] to go in, just to be extra careful. I'd felt her last night. She had been close. Someone Vox hadn't introduced me to, yet. I think he had a little guardian stalking about his building. She was trained. Really trained. But not trained to deal with True Alchemy.\n\nObscure, and Non-Detection. Sight, sound, smell... I vanished a moment later. I also fell out of detection of anything magical, slipping into the dark of the bedroom. The only thing I had to be careful of was someone literally running into me now. Which would have been really hard to do, because they weren't going to sneak up on me. With nothing to do other than read, study, and practice, I'd picked up quite a few new tricks...\n\nThe fastest way to get from point A to point B was usually a straight line. If the points were little dots on a tablecloth, you could draw all sorts of lines between them. Inconveniences were often in the way, like walls, elevation changes, and other annoyances. A straight line wasn't always possible, obviously. Unless you realized you were on a tablecloth. [i]Then[/i] the fastest way from point A to point B was to wrinkle the cloth up, moving the two points close together until they were simply overlapping, then step through the wrinkle... Wrinkle Stepping.\n\nI stood from bed, nothing but a shadowy absence of sensation, and stepped to the right through the wrinkle I knew was there. I kept walking, reality snapping and stretching out around me in an instant. I was pretty sure I saw the wood grain along the underside of one of the doors, squished out to both horizons of my vision. Even the carpet his study had as I wobbled out along it like taffy. Everything snapped back an instant later, and now I was standing in Vox's study. My scans had already told me that it had been empty, through the wall. There was nothing on the comm system, but I saw that he had physical records in filing cabinets. They were next. He had a lot of contacts, and even more information. I'd compared to what I'd already stollen off Ignaus' comm system, and was starting to piece together a web of big movers in the city. But first, I had to know if Voxet was someone I could even vaguely trust or not. My other self sure as fuck wasn't going to do anything about him.\n\nThe cabinet fell out of detection too as soon as I touched it, and opened without a sound. There was no magic on it, and no traps anywhere near. No alarms, and nothing physical. I started quickly shooting through the pages, abusing my eidetic memory trait like crazy to just skim everything and absorb the information. Thankfully, new memories weren't at risk of falling into the sundered gaps in my mind like a lot of the old ones were. That was the frustrating part. I couldn't even analyze how I'd gotten the infection yet. That memory was one of the bits that had fallen into the abyss. The event with Lady Otria, I was pretty sure, had only caused an already existing Nexus in me to start awakening and evolving.\n\nThe state of my soul had taken me a bit to wrap my head around. There were the memories in my mind, but there were also `physical' locations I could visit in my soul. Moving around inside my soulscape was an act of willpower, and pretty easy to do if I `blended' locations and environments from one spot to the next. But now there were... those gaps in myself. I could approach the edge, and vaguely remember the memory that had been there, but... remembering it directly was impossible. And going there in the soulscape was suicide. I'd fall into the abyss and suffer [i]real[/i] Ego Death. I needed to wait for my friend to repair my soul.\n\nAnother file. Much older data, and much dirtier. Though compared to the rest of Nulidia, not really noteworthy. Well, no, it [i]was[/i] noteworthy in the extent that Voxet was able to pull it off. He'd made his start by cleverly separating idiots from their money, by providing them ways to literally bet it away. My feelings on gambling were... mixed at best. I mean, honestly, if these people were stupid enough to bet their money on a slim chance of making more money, they probably deserved what they got.\n\nHe played them against each other, too. His real skill had been social manipulation, and making sure nobody ever blamed [i]him[/i] if any conflicts arrived due to debts or fairness implications. And from that coin-rich start, he built an empire from secrets instead. His true vocation of manipulating people and making them think they came out on top. His casino had been expanded to allow high level secret meetings to quietly take place here. And of course, he was listening in, even if nobody suspected him of being anything more than just a gracious host. With everyone's secrets in paw, he was able to exert power and authority from the shadows, while avoiding the blame himself for any fallouts.\n\nBut as far as I could tell, that was... seven years ago or more. Nothing was dated closer than that. These days, he didn't [i]have[/i] to play the information game. Between his casino and charging people for secrecy, he'd already raked in a colossal amount of coin. Overhead for the guards and gambling hall was chump change in comparison. He was... saving up for something too. Something clearly very expensive. Though little charges here and there kept delaying him it seemed. Like buying me. His reason for needing a `maid' was flimsy at best. No, I think he wanted something else from me. Tch.\n\nSo, he'd been clean for years, only providing a minimal service in Nulidia while doing his own thing. Clearly his cousin, Xora, wasn't very pleased about it, but she was also being paid quite nicely by the looks of it. But it was pretty easy to tell her opinion from the sarcastic barbs she'd left in some of the booking notations. She'd be staying off the trust whitelist I was now keeping in my head. Vox, maybe. I needed to know what his plans were for [i]me[/i] first. All that was on his comm system for recent purchases involving me was just that. The initial contract, seeking a `minimally adult female Inaga'. Pretty vague as far as custom orders went, and probably pretty easy to get for the Agency, even legally. The only reason he'd undoubtedly gone through them was the... rarity of Inaga in this climate. It was way too fucking cold here for us. But why did he want a maid?\n\nThere was nothing anywhere that would give away his motives, though, and my muzzle scrunched. But my alarms went off instead and I slammed the cabinet shut, making sure it was absolutely still for a split second before stepping backwards and through a wrinkle behind me, suddenly finding myself through a distortion and on the other side of the room instead. That was one of the weaknesses of the Wrinkle Step technique. Other than it needing an unbroken `line' from one point to another, and having somewhat short range, I also couldn't wrinkle step while going [i]forward[/i] yet. Looking into the distortion always threw me off, and the vertigo caused my focus to slip up and disrupt the effect.\n\nShe moved with lightning speed for how absolutely silent she was. I had... difficulty tracking her visually with my eyes. I recognized part of what she was doing as a vita-based shadow technique, but something about the way she moved and positioned herself was vaguely reminiscent of an optical illusion. Using the very mind to disguise what she was doing. Mixed with vita speed techniques, and I had barely moved out of the way before she was at the cabinet, ears twitching there.\n\nAn Illan, with dark-gray fur, and patches of almost black here and there, with one prominently over her left eye. Her eyes were a dark-teal color, furiously looking over where I'd been a moment before. My own eyes narrowed as I watched her, information flooding from them as I fully activated my True Alchemy eye augments again. Our identities were intrinsically baked into our souls over the years, and she was no different, as her name drifted up over her head. Ah, so [i]this[/i] was Remi. She was in all-black leather armor, and had some pretty nasty-looking curved blades on her lower back, a hilt sticking out each side of her waist. Smaller knives were below them, strapped to her thighs. The sheath style reminded me of Kyry. Was this girl trained similarly? What was it, a Bloodstalker? I'd heard of the Shadowstalkers, which were the elite ranger units out of Koramir. Were they related? The Vulkus girl my other self had met in the clinic was definitely one of them. My eyes widened as I watched her hold her paw [i]just[/i] over the surface of the metal of the cabinet, then frown. ...shit, she could feel the body heat I'd left on the metal!\n\nStupid, Exes! I was gone an instant later, turning and moving through a wrinkle to my left after cooling the carpet under my lower paws with True Alchemy. A distortion, and I stepped back into my bed again instead, also cooling my temperature of my own carpet before settling under the covers once more. A direct field of detection around me, linked to a chaining stasis effect, and then I sunk myself just below the surface of consciousness, giving the body partly over to my other sleeping self, while just carefully watching using True Alchemy.\n\nLast resort. She tried to capture me or kill me. She'd get frozen by the field, no matter how she'd try. I'd have to leave then. Force myself awake as long as possible and in control, get somewhere safe where the twins could watch over me, then leave my other self a detailed note. We [i]couldn't[/i] be captured again. Not again. Number one goal after ascertaining Voxet's motives was to get a message out somehow. A message to Realmsguard that couldn?t be intercepted by the Cult. ...easier said than done.\n\nThe cunt actually came. My door slid open, silenced by shadow vita, and I saw her eyes glimmer in the dark as she watched me suddenly. She was absolutely silent, through the door in an instant and shutting it quietly before stepping closer to where I slept. From now on, I was leaving a True Alchemy enchantment on my room to protect me while I slept... Just in case someone tried this bullshit while I [i]wasn't[/i] currently in my body.\n\nHer eyes narrowed as she watched me, sniffing softly. Her ears twitched as she listened to my breathing, then slowly crouched down and touched the carpet. I could... feel her vita dance over it for a moment. She was actually detecting temperature variance! I'd already equalized it though, and she frowned instead, slowly standing again. How had Voxet gotten someone like [i]her[/i] helping him?!\n\nShe just carefully watched me for another long moment. If she tried to kill me... I'd kill her instead. I wasn't about to take any more risks. Not if she was good at tracking people. But she must have decided against doing anything, instead turning and stepping into her own shadows again. My door cracked open, then quietly closed, and she was gone. Fuck. I remember Voxet saying he'd brought people to the clinic before, and later it was implied that Remi was one of them. Did he save her then? I didn't imagine someone like her putting their services up for `sale'. Not in any normal regard, anyway.\n\nIt was enough for tonight. I placed the proximity enchantment up over the entire room instead, then let myself sink fully back into my soulscape. I had more research to do...\n\n[center]~ ~ ~ ~ ~[/center]\n\nI woke up with a yawn, then stretched... only to immediately regret it as I doubled over in a wave of nausea. Aaaaah! This was terrible! I curled up, shuddering, before turning and rushing for the door instead. I barely got into Vox's bathroom before violently vomiting into the toilet there! I knew it would start up once I woke, though...\n\nIt didn't stop, unfortunately. Exactly as assured, my body had started to expel fluids out just about every orifice I had. Meria had come in to help me about a half an hour later, giving me some temporary medicine to stop the vomiting at least so I could get some breakfast down and maybe process it before starting up again. That was the... trickiest part of detoxing. Making sure I didn't [i]literally[/i] expel all of my vital nutrients and fluids. At least not faster than I could put them back in.\n\nAnd more of the pills were in me, promising even more sickness. Vox transferred me one door down the hall to the medical ward instead after breakfast, to the intensive care bed with a built-in bathroom. That was... really, really useful. He tucked me under the covers, making sure I was warm due to being naked again. Cut back on cleanup issues...\n\n``I know this is miserable, but we have to get it out of the way, X. I gave you another temporary, low dose of the Moondust, but... I think you'll be much better off once we get you off that stuff entirely.'' He frowned, giving my shoulder a rub, but I relaxed and nodded slowly to him.\n\n``Mmm, thanks, Vox. Really. I'm gonna have to try extra hard to be your butler after all this. It's what you got me for...'' He chuckled at that, then slowly shook his head.\n\n``Relax. Focus on getting better, okay? We can talk about your job once your medical concerns are done with. Of course, don't expect to get paid just yet either.'' He shot me a wink at that, and I snickered softly again, nodding.\n\nThat would be silly. My neck display gave him a little tongue-sticking-out emote at the same time as I literally stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed. ``You're getting the hang of that thing, I see. I'm glad. Hopefully... things aren't as dire as the mind mage alluded to.''\n\nI frowned at that. ``You mean... if the Agency tried to kill my Ego or not?'' Even writing it on my little illusion panel felt... scary. `Tried'. I was pretty sure... he... was still inside me.\n\nVox sighed, but nodded. ``Yeah. I... think they were trying to cover something up. Erasing you even though there was no reason to... That's the only reason I could think of. You knew about something they didn't want talked about. Giving you to me is just a convenient way to get rid of you after you were erased...'' I swallowed tensely at that, giving a little shiver.\n\n``Am... I still the same person then? Is... the old me different? Is he... alive somewhere inside of me? What will happen to me if he... comes out again?'' I frowned, suddenly... scared. If he [i]was[/i] somewhere inside of me, what would happen to... [i]me[/i] if he got better? Would I... get Ego killed instead? I didn't want to die!\n\nVox set his paw against mine though, and I gave a little start, eyes focusing on him again. ``X, stop. Just rest and focus on your health. Those are all things we can ask the mind mage at the next session, okay? I suspect that... if you do have your old self in your mind, I think the two of you... repairing yourselves will more be realizing you're still both the same person. But... I don't think you have anything to worry about.''\n\nI relaxed at that, then slowly nodded. That made sense. We'd... have two souls if we were different people, wouldn't we? That would be detectable, probably! It wasn't a person inside me. It was just my own memories, right? ``Mmm, alright. Thank you, Vox. Is there anything else to do today?''\n\nHe grinned at that, then shook his head. ``Nope. You just take it easy and relax. I did talk to Remi, and I'll be back in with her a bit later for a visit. She might have some insight into how you're feeling. She went through detoxing for Moondust too, a while back.'' Oh! Well, that made sense. Though she wasn't going to the mind mage for therapy?\n\nI smiled regardless and gave him a double nod. ``Alright. I'll try to get some more rest then. Um, but feel free to wake me if I'm sleeping!''\n\n``We'll see. Now rest, you. I'll be back for lunch later.'' He shot me another softer smile before turning and heading out again. Vox really was nice. I didn't... know what to think anymore about Atir and Callia. Everyone seemed to think they were monsters and... if what they did to me was true, I... No, I'd think about that later. I really was tired now.\n\nClosing my eyes, I tried to snuggle up under the covers, and catch some rest before my body decided to violently revolt again. I was starting to wonder if it might not have been a better idea to hold off on repairing my taste buds...\n\n[center]~ ~ ~ ~ ~[/center]\n\nI must have been in and out for a while. At least I only threw up twice more. My body was constantly shivering with cold and hot flushes, and the on-duty nurse switched me over to liquid intravenous drips by lunch. Why... Why was this a thing people even had to do?! She must have told Vox, because he didn't arrive with food this time, instead grimacing as he saw me laying there.\n\n``Yeah, it tends to get rougher in the middle of the day...'' He sat down in the chair next to my bed, then looked back over at the door, causing me to at least raise one curious ear that direction.\n\nI actually didn't... hear her come in. She walked without any noise at all, and surprisingly fluidly for an Illan. Normally they were a bit clumsy with just walking instead of bouncing. Dark-gray fur with black patches, including a big one over her left eye. They were pretty, teal pools watching me curiously after she gave a little hop and landed on the end of the bed. She was in tight leather armor, dyed completely black, and had sheaths for weapons visible, that were thankfully empty at the moment. Was she... a guard or something?\n\nShe balanced there, forepaws pressed down against the mattress and between her rear paws, in a careful crouch as she tilted her head my way. ``Sup? Yer tha new one Vox brought in and is helpin', right?'' She had a rather messy accent, which caught me off guard. I'd heard other people on the streets talking like that, though. Maybe it was a Nulidia thing?\n\nI blinked once, staring at her for a moment before slowly nodding. ``Um, yes! Vox has helped me a lot. Uh, I'm X! It's... just a placeholder. I don't remember my real name.'' She leaned slightly back as she read the display next to my head with a flick of her eyes, then smoothly folded her legs up under her, crossing them as she sat down the rest of the way.\n\nVox gave a chuckle, watching her, before nodding. ``Right, this is-``\n\n``Tut!'' His ears flicked up as the Illan cut him off, then grinned. ``Ya know Ah can introduce mahself, Voxxy. Remi! An' it's... [i]interestin'[/i] ta meet ya...'' She whacked her right paw off her chest for a moment, sharp eyes looking me over afterwards. Something... felt like she was suspicious of me...\n\nVox sagged before exhaling softly. ``Oh, for crying out loud, Remi. I told you, you don't have to worry about X...'' Eh?! My ears lowered and I frowned at that, but the Illan flicked her tail behind her, tail puff wobbling slightly.\n\n``Ah'm yer head o' security, Vox. It's mah job ta have trust issues! `sides, [i]someone[/i] got inta yer files last night. There weren't any security breaches... an' not too many o' yer guests could pull that off...'' Her eyes narrowed as she stared at me, and I shrank, shivering again in my blankets.\n\n``So, you pick the violently ill, psychologically traumatized guest to accuse...?'' They stared pointedly at each other before Remi hopped up onto her paws again and stomped one down, rocking the bed under us both. Oh... Ooooh.... Crap.\n\nRemi huffed. ``Ya need ta take this seriously, Vox! Whoever it was, got right past tha-`` It was too much. I wobbled, then rotated off the side of the bed with my head, where the handy flushing bin was, then violently vomited...\n\nSeveral heaves later, I sunk onto the mattress again with a groan, resting on my stomach while blindly feeling around until I hit the flush lever with my right paw. Ugh. And this was [i]better[/i] than the Moondust?! I used the rinse spray to wipe my muzzle down, then curled onto my side instead, cold again. Remi winced as she watched me, grimacing for a moment before coughing lightly. ``Uh, actually, that's givin' me some serious flashbacks. Moondust, right...?''\n\nI exhaled shakily, then nodded. ``And the female hormones...'' Technically they were artificial inside me, and also getting purged. I didn't know how to feel about that... Her ears perked at that, frowning as her gaze snapped down to the wrapped blankets instead, against my waist. Right, it was probably confusing with my breasts resting visibly out in the open. I winced, then shifted my leg, moving my tail aside, and she widened her eyes as my small sheath came into view.\n\n``Ah, fuck! Vox said, but... ya smelled female! Tch... Atir and Callia do this ta ya?'' My ears lowered at that, and I looked down and away before shrugging. Remi exhaled at that, then shook her head. ``Ah know it's hard. Moondust... It's more than just tha libido an' pleasure boosts... Weakens yer mind with too much use. It's... It confuses ya. Makes ya suggestable. Ah bet they were [i]real[/i] nice ta ya after they broke ya. Made ya think they're tha best people in Aion...''\n\nMy eyes widened at that, and Vox made a hissing noise. ``Remi! That's way too much!''\n\nShe was still looking at me though, as I turned and looked back. They... Were they really...? But they'd been... The Illan paused, eyes locked with mine for a long moment before her expression finally softened a little, and she sighed. Instead, she walked over and sat in front of me, curling her tail around her before shaking her head. ``They hurt ya, X. Yer situation, an' tha drugs... Have ah way o' makin' ya think they're on yer side. Even defendin' `em. Ah know. Mah first mate was tha same way...''\n\nI swallowed uneasily at that. My situation...? Her paws rested against my leg though, and she gave me a smile instead. ``Right blighter. How Ah ended up `ere. Only Vox an' Meria know tha story, but if yer gonna be `ere ta stay, like Vox hopes...'' She chuckled at that, then suddenly flopped forward, causing me to lean back as she looked up at me from the blanket over my lap. Eh?\n\n``Yer gonna need ta face tha truth. Soon as ya can. They kidnapped ya, did terrible things ta ya, and meant ta sell ya as ah sex slave. Treatin' ya nice, in contrast ta tha horrors ya went through prior, is just psychological tactics, mixed with tha drugs. Earns yer trust. Gets ya loyal. Look past it. Look at what they're actually doin' ta ya. In that moment, not comparin' ta anything else. Accept what ya see...''\n\nShe stared at me the whole time, and I couldn't look away from her eyes now. Instead, I shivered, then sagged again. They... The Agency was... probably the ones who'd kidnapped me. Remi was right. Everything pointed to that. That meant that Ignaus... and Atir and Callia who worked for him... were responsible for me being kidnapped. They... They were so nice to me when I woke up... My eyes widened at that, and Remi nodded to me, even as they suddenly felt watery. They were nice to me because they'd already gotten exactly what they wanted. And by me liking them, I'd cooperate fully... I...\n\nI shut my eyes, wincing lightly. This was all so... ``I'm so stupid... What am I even doing?'' It was stuck in my head. Be a good girl. Good girl! But that was Atir! That wasn't... What was I doing?! What did [i]I[/i] want? I just... I didn't have anything. There were no memories past a moon and a half and...\n\nVox put his paw on my knee, and Remi rested her head in my lap, giving me a long, bleak stare. I didn't... I didn't know anyone. Vox and Meria, but... that was only for a few days now. I'd clutched desperately to them after being left here, but that... Did I have family or friends? Did I know anyone outside of the city who was missing me? Did... anyone even care that I was gone?\n\n``Yer not stupid, X. Abuse an trauma can do terrible things ta tha mind. Ah was taken advantage of, too. Fer ah while, was forced ta be ah ten-coin pleasure slave on tha streets, thanks ta who Ah thought was mah mate at tha time. Got me hooked on Moondust he slipped me in mah food. Never even suspected... so we're all blind ta things, sometimes.''\n\nVox nodded, giving a softer smile on the other side of me. ``I know everything is new and overwhelming to you, X. But... we're going to try to help you through this. You can start making new memories while waiting for your old ones to return, and we'll try to help you figure out who you are, and were. You're not alone.''\n\nI exhaled softly, then gave a week nod before wiping at my eyes. ``I... thank you, Vox. Thanks, Remi...''\n\nHer whiskers wiggled and she sat up again before huffing. ``Don't get sappy. Gotta toughen yerself up!''\n\nShe... was kind of a brat. My muzzle scrunched as I gave her a more pointed stare, and she grinned instead, tail bobbing now. ``Okay, yer kinda fun. Dun get tha wrong idea though. Still suspicious as fuck. Hope ya don't mind if Ah do some diggin' inta ya.''\n\nMy ears lowered at that, but I gave a more hopeful look. ``If you find anything out, can you let [i]me[/i] know too? If... If I have family or friends outside of Nulidia...''\n\nShe actually looked surprised for a moment at that, then relaxed again, expression softening once more. ``Tch... yeah, o'course! Sheesh. Can see why Vox likes ya. Yer both big saps...'' She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, and Vox chuckled.\n\n``I'm counting on it, Remi. And on you finding out who was peeking at my records. Should we...?'' Remi whipped her head at Vox in a glare in a heartbeat, cutting him off and causing me to jump.\n\n``Fuck no! We're not gonna contact [i]her[/i]! Fuck that shit! Fuck!'' Wow, language! My ears lowered, and Remi shifted to pouting instead, whiskers wiggling again. Yeah, I was pretty sure [i]all [/i]Illan were adorable.\n\nVox gave her a smirk, then shrugged. ``Fine, we'll rely on you to investigate. For now, anyway. Better be thorough, then!''\n\nRemi growled at him, tail tuft puffing up. ``Ah will! Don't need ta hold [i]that[/i] over mah head!'' I was so confused. And uh... ugh. Nope! I didn't have time to ask, instead rotating off the side of the bed again and throwing up once more into the basin thingy. And I had to go through [i]two weeks[/i] of this?!\n\nWincing, Vox watched for a moment before sighing. ``Right. I'm going to go talk to the nurse and see if there's anything else we can do about the... violently ill bit. I know you're supposed to be venting things but this is just... miserable.'' He didn't need to tell [i]me[/i] that!\n\nRemi gave a slow nod, looking a bit traumatized herself before rotating to face me more fully instead. ``Probably not, but... company helped me. Ah think Ah'll stay `ere with X fer now...'' Oh? She was staying here? I... had honestly thought she didn't like me very much.\n\nVox chuckled at that, which got her to give a more pointed glare his way, but he held his paws up, then headed for the door instead. ``Of course. Just don't traumatize him any further, Remi. I know how you are with males...'' With males?\n\nShe glared harder at him at that, then huffed. ``Ah have some common decency, ya know!'' The skeptical glance he shot her only seemed to make her more indignant, and he left, laughing, just as she sent one of the paper cups on my nightstand into the wall next to where he'd been. I was actually kind of impressed by her aim!\n\nShe was... blushing a little when she turned back around to me instead. ``Fucker... Ugh. No, Vox is... cheeky, but ah good guy. Ah'm loathed ta admit. But... he saved me from what happened, ah long time ago. Keeps tryin' ta get me therapy an' crap but... really. Ah owe him mah life...'' She sagged a bit at that, then looked up at me again before rolling her eyes. ``An' now Ah'm spewin' mah life's story, practically. Tch. Somethin' about ya is crazy disarmin', ya know that?''\n\nShe gave me a more pointed stare, and I pulled back a little again, ears lowering. She huffed. ``Relax! Sheesh... Ah... don't got nothin' against yer dick, contrary ta what Vox implied! Just... on edge after last night...''\n\nMy muzzle scrunched at that, and I averted my eyes before exhaling softly. ``Given two days ago, I thought of it as my clit... Now I... don't know what to think.'' She winced at that, ears lowering before sighing.\n\n``That ain't what Ah... Look, that... Ugh. That's so fuckin' pathetic it hurts ta even read! Yer like seein' ah kicked Strider pup hidin' under ah box in tha street!'' She hissed it out, then groaned and flopped over again as my ears lowered even more. ``Stooooop! Ah'm sorry! Ah didn't mean... Look, Ah'm not tha best at... people. Dealin' with `em, anyway.''\n\nI frowned to her, unsure of exactly how to even talk to her really, but she exhaled again and slowly shook her head. ``Look, Ah know yer tryin' ta figure out who ya really are an' stuff... but ya need ta toughen up! Really!'' She whacked her paw into her other open pad, giving me a fierce look... that came off as a little cute, and I coughed lightly.\n\nShe shot to a glare immediately. ``No! Ah'm not cute! Don't even [i]say[/i] it! Ah saw that! Tch!'' Another muzzle scrunch, and she rolled her eyes. ``Look, yer cute too! An' ya shouldn't be!'' Eh? I... shouldn't be cute?\n\n``What... I'm cute? What... should I be instead then?'' I gave her a skeptical look, and she flushed again before huffing.\n\n``Yes, yer cute! Ah said it! But if ya decide ta be ah boy! Males are rugged, an' handsome, an' powerful! Rawr! Confident, an' in charge! Project it, an' be all grr an' stuff!'' She puffed herself up and make a squeaky sort of growling noise. My muzzle scrunched, and hers did too... before I snorted and started laughing.\n\nShe gave a hiss, turning pink again before starting to laugh too. ``Stoooop! Ah was bein' serious!'' She didn't stop laughing though, at least until I twitched, then mid-laugh, coughed and flopped to the side to vomit again. ...then she laughed harder. Brat! Remi was... something else, that was for sure...\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "We all suffer together.  I shivered there, knees tucked into my chest and resting against the broken bone wall to my left.  It was... so hard to think.  The storm was still raging.  It had been for... probably over a moon now.  I had no grasp of time whatsoever.  Wind and snow blazed past the missing wall a couple meters in front of me, with over half of the castle having collapsed into a gaping chasm of nothingness.  It tore through the landscape in huge swaths, to both sides of my little existence, like some great beast had rent the land with its claws.  Then just missed this little area I was sheltered in.

Well, it wasn't little.  About a room and a half survived.  What used to be a storage room, and bits and pieces of the original library, from my memories of Laridia.  They were from my memories, I knew, and just fragments I'd pieced together.  I... assumed it had been from what I stabilized of myself during that final press with the fully empowered Soulthorn.  It... wasn't just to cause pain.  That asshole just hadn't known how to really use it.

It tore at the soul.  Maybe the Demons originally used it for something similar to what Atir had.  It was a major artifact however, and only it existed.  Thankfully.  I'd found it towards the end of the book.  There... wasn't much more to do here other than read what I could, and listen for any secrets in the song.  It was... hard to focus at times.  I could only assume they'd been... doing things to me in real life.  To my physical body.  What was I, now?

I stood, looking down and over the edge into the black abyss that blazed with a deeper darkness.  Most of the palace had fallen off the edge, and this little bit jutted out over it, jagged and frozen ice, and my own tentacles, supporting it underneath.  My... soul had taken a lot of damage.  I couldn't think around it.  My head was stuffy and full of cotton.  I... knew I wasn't operating at full capacity.  The damage was supposed to be permanent.  It... should have been.  But I had an ally.  Someone who was in me, but not in me at the same time.  It... knew what was inside that abyss.  It could think through it, where I could only think around.  It worked constantly to try to pull the gouged landscape back together again and fix my soul.  Because it lived here too.  But...  It was also my friend now.  The Nexus had taken it long ago.  Maybe it had been the first victim?  Or maybe it was the Nexus?

It didn't matter.  Turning, I stepped back from the edge and walked for the inner door, brushing the snow off myself again as I went, and drying my eyes again.  Sometimes it was all just... too much, and I needed a moment.  Powerful tentacles held the walls and ceiling up around me, opening the door for me and letting me back into the warmth.  It closed behind me gently, and a tentacle sealed it off, hiding me away from the storm once again.  The storage room was moderately sized and full of garbage.  Bits and pieces of my memories given form that had just been left here during the rending and scramble.

I'd gathered them up where I could, picking out what was useful and what wasn't.  I even had a little mattress in the corner, with a lantern and my reading desk from the library.  I'd saved the bookshelf too, after my friend pulled me back into my soul at the last second.  The Keyhole entity.  The very same one that tried to kill me... fuck, so long ago now it felt like.  It saved me.  Us.  It brought me here and helped me make a shelter to avoid my soul falling apart completely.  Now, it was out there fixing me.  It shared everything with me.  I knew where it was right now and exactly what it was doing.  I'd...

It had been a very close call.  In multiple ways.  I'd almost died physically.  There's a limit to how much the Soul Anchor can manage.  The body can still die, and Atir had done nothing if not gone overboard.  On top of that, I'd come very, very close to Ego Death.  I was... badly injured now.  Soul and mind, I knew.  I sat on the bed, feeling tired again, then sighed.

I was a slave to my other self now.  She was in control of my body.  She was also definitely a girl.  I was pretty sure the dysphoria she was experiencing was from slowly growing aware of my presence.  She was like a new me, having started over with little to no episodic memories in existence.  But Atir was right fucking there to guide her into exactly where he wanted.  Exactly what he'd wanted to happen.  Get rid of me and make a new personality that was nothing but an obedient little sex slave.

It worked.  Sort of.  But I didn't die.  And whenever my other self slept, I had a... window.  It took a lot out of me to use it, and I couldn't every night, but I was getting stronger.  I smirked.  And Voxet had taken my collar off, not even having a single clue what he'd unleashed.  What he'd enabled for me.

My eyes flicked to the left wall, just next to my mattress.  I'd managed to scrounge together some pillows and another blanket, and he was snoozing out on them still.  The ghost Vulkus, who I'd somehow absorbed when he touched my soul in the Anchor room.  His mind was... broken, but I worked with him when I could manage.  He roamed a lot like just a... pet here, without a body to actually sync with.  But he was really friendly, especially now that I'd stabilized him and started to heal his mind.

Further down the wall...  The twins were still here in frozen statue form.  They'd been captured thanks to their outburst that I'd warned them against doing.  But it was... hard to communicate with them at that point.  Over time though...  It took me a couple weeks to stabilize their connection to the Nexus, and be able to talk to them directly through the `statues', but that connection was fully stable now...  Further, they were also free.  With my guidance, they escaped from the Agency's lockdown area, killed three guards, and in the dead of night, escaped with the entire Agency's vault of Demon artifacts.  Including the Soulthorn.  I didn't even need the thing, but fuck the Agency.  Everyone in it was pure evil.

They followed my guidance and words to the letter now, religiously.  They'd gone into hiding, and I helped them set up a small supply line for them to use inside the lowest rungs of the city.  I could see through their eyes, and hear through their ears.  This... Nexus was powerful.  Worse, it seemed to manipulate Aether and reality exactly like True Alchemy did.  I had been able to instruct them, and force them to take their collars off themselves...  The Nexus network was... more powerful than the slave collars, somehow.

Then there were Atir and Callia.  From what I'd figured out so far, the Nexus was infectious now and spread through my sexual fluids.  I'm not sure when that happened, as I don't think I'd caused any changes to Exia, Yimir, or Kada.  No.  That... spreading growth inside of me was...  It had grown strong enough.  Fermented.  Evolved... to become infectious.  I think it had started way back when I'd been attacked by Lady Otria?s corpse.  The Nexus infected someone's soul, and seemed to transfer control of them to me, exactly like the collars did.  The Demons... had experimented with something similar a long time ago.  They had called it the Nexus, which is where I'd gotten the phrase.  It... was what our collars were based on, which left me with a really bad taste in my muzzle.  I didn't know where the original Nexus had come from.  Somehow, the Cult had infected me with... some dormant strain of it or something.  It caused me to make my own Nexus.  It had a different energy wavelength, visibly represented by the blue color instead of red.  Why... they did that, I don't know.  But it was there.  And now it had spread to my blood, too.

I could choose of course to do nothing to those in the Nexus.  I could.  But I didn't.  The twins had become my agents in the city.  I learned more about Nulidia every day.  It... augmented them.  They were already immensely skilled, physically, and had a lot of physical enhancements.  But I was able to... change them.  Push raw Aether energy through the link and into them, turning it physical and into stronger bones... more dense muscles...  Even thicker and tougher skin.  I wasn't worried about them getting into trouble anymore.  I left their minds alone, and only tried to educate and help them there.  Honestly, they'd been as fucked over by their father as I had.

Callia...  I healed her.  Part of me pitied her.  All her memories were mine now.  They were abandoned when young by their drug abusing parents.  Lost to Nulidia.  She only had her sadistic, manipulative older brother to look out for her and all her mental issues, which degraded more every year.  She lost all her empathy thanks to that, and his manipulation.  Literally, she had suffered from sociopathy.  A complete inability to empathically sync with anyone around her.

I fixed that, no matter how much it hurt her.  Her conscience came back, with all her memories still intact.  It was actually about the worst punishment I could have possibly given to her.  As an early experiment, I also repaired the degenerative disease.  It was... easy when she was part of my Nexus.  Then I left her be.  She was with Atir, locked deep in the medical ward of the Agency.  I might get them out at some point.  Maybe.

Atir...  I hated Atir.  When I'd recovered even a part of myself, I hated him instantly and immediately.  The second he got linked to my Nexus, I had lashed out.  It was... feral and animalistic.  I wanted him to suffer for what he had done to me.  To so many before me, when I saw his full memories.  So... I showed him all those memories.  But from the other side.  I let him torture and destroy himself over and over and over again, like he'd done to all of his victims.  I used organic manipulation of the Nexus to make sure he stayed alive, even through the times he killed his target.  It was...  It felt glorious.  Maybe I was a bit of a sadist myself, after everything I'd gone through.  Maybe there was something seriously wrong with my head after I was tortured for moons at a time.  Broken down mentally until they tried to Ego Death me.  Maybe I was crazy too?  But I enjoyed watching him suffer.

Now, he was nothing but tatters.  There was barely anything left of his core psyche, but he'd only managed to get through a third of his memories so far.  But I was nothing if not thorough.  At this point, it was the only `justice' any of the slaves had a hope of getting.  I'd make sure he got fed through every single memory he had, with him torturing himself now, instead.  It didn't matter what medicine and drugs they gave him.  I used the Nexus to just break them all down and flush them from his body.  Nobody was going to help him now.  Not until I was done, and he paid for every memory.  Maybe they'd just kill him eventually, but it didn't matter.  If the ghost Vulkus was any indication, his soul was mine now instead.

Honestly, that should scare the fuck out of me.  In a way... it did.  I had... a lot of research to do on this Nexus and what its deal was.  The infection in my soul that had empowered me now.  But... to do that, I needed to be healed.  And until then, I was just... biding my time.  I had to get a grip on the infection.  As it stood, I had no control over it whatsoever.  My body was contagious.  Anyone I had sex with... and now who came in contact with my blood, internally, was going to be forced into the Nexus.  That...  I had to fix that.

Worse, I was pretty sure those who were in the Nexus already were also contagious now.  The twins I instructed to only be with each other for now, but if anyone had sex with Atir or Callia in the Agency...  Well, no, I guess they'd be bringing anything that happened upon themselves at that point, raping people who were locked up in the medical ward.  But... your soul was a pretty steep price to pay, even for rape.  Seemed a little disproportional to me, there.  Could I... release the souls and people from the Nexus?  If I couldn't, I had to find a way to restrict the spread somehow, or this could explode way out of control.  I felt rushed, and couldn't rush at the same time.  One of the most frustrating sensations in the world...

Now though...  Now, my other, fractured self was passing out again.  I felt tired myself because of it, and laid down on the mattress.  When she was asleep, I had the opportunity to take my body back.  At least for a while.  I couldn't... permanently yet.  Though now...  She existed.  I suddenly found myself wondering how much of her was... me.  And how much of me was her.  If I took over control from her, would that be causing Ego Death for her, instead?

I exhaled softly.  It felt like I needed to try to talk to her more, but she was in a precarious position now.  I didn't have my collar, which gave me a lot more options, but... I could only stay awake for a limited period of time, and was still in the heart of Nulidia with zero resources.  One step at a time, Exes...  Relaxing, I closed my eyes, and felt us dance around each other, her snuggling into me for a moment while I stepped forward past her once again...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


My eyes opened again.  The darkness of the room Vox had given me.  I didn't know what to think of him.  From the contacts I'd found that he had, he was shady as fuck.  But everything in his records indicated he hadn't really been `active' for quite a while.  Years, in fact.  If anything, he'd started donating to the upper city's outreach programs, trying to get medical and mental health aid into Nulidia.  And education, and the rescue of illegal slaves.  All anonymously, of course.  A change of heart?  I... couldn't fault someone for deciding to turn over a new leaf, at least.  And he indeed had done nothing but help me.

But even if I didn't think he was an absolute monster that should be purged, that didn't mean I had to trust him.  Trust, I found, was in... very limited supply with me, now.  Chronak had been right.  It indeed was better to be safe, than sorry.  And now I had a lot of vulnerabilities I needed to patch up with myself.

A radial Scan activated on myself, and I smiled as I finally felt the Keyhole flare with life again in my chest, after having been sealed for Gods knew how long.  Close to ten moons, by the date I'd found in Vox's comm system last night.  That put it as... moving into summer again now.  Fuck.  Nobody had rescued me.  I'd been gone almost a full year.  I didn't know the status of any rescue attempts, or if they were even still searching.  Actually, I didn't have any news at all from the outside world.  That, I'd have to rectify.

But I was paranoid, and extended my senses out all around me with absolute precision, using True Alchemy to detect everything around myself as I did.  Then I extended it in the direction I had intended to go in, just to be extra careful.  I'd felt her last night.  She had been close.  Someone Vox hadn't introduced me to, yet.  I think he had a little guardian stalking about his building.  She was trained.  Really trained.  But not trained to deal with True Alchemy.

Obscure, and Non-Detection.  Sight, sound, smell...  I vanished a moment later.  I also fell out of detection of anything magical, slipping into the dark of the bedroom.  The only thing I had to be careful of was someone literally running into me now.  Which would have been really hard to do, because they weren't going to sneak up on me.  With nothing to do other than read, study, and practice, I'd picked up quite a few new tricks...

The fastest way to get from point A to point B was usually a straight line.  If the points were little dots on a tablecloth, you could draw all sorts of lines between them.  Inconveniences were often in the way, like walls, elevation changes, and other annoyances.  A straight line wasn't always possible, obviously.  Unless you realized you were on a tablecloth.  Then the fastest way from point A to point B was to wrinkle the cloth up, moving the two points close together until they were simply overlapping, then step through the wrinkle...  Wrinkle Stepping.

I stood from bed, nothing but a shadowy absence of sensation, and stepped to the right through the wrinkle I knew was there.  I kept walking, reality snapping and stretching out around me in an instant.  I was pretty sure I saw the wood grain along the underside of one of the doors, squished out to both horizons of my vision.  Even the carpet his study had as I wobbled out along it like taffy.  Everything snapped back an instant later, and now I was standing in Vox's study. My scans had already told me that it had been empty, through the wall.  There was nothing on the comm system, but I saw that he had physical records in filing cabinets.  They were next.  He had a lot of contacts, and even more information.  I'd compared to what I'd already stollen off Ignaus' comm system, and was starting to piece together a web of big movers in the city.  But first, I had to know if Voxet was someone I could even vaguely trust or not.  My other self sure as fuck wasn't going to do anything about him.

The cabinet fell out of detection too as soon as I touched it, and opened without a sound.  There was no magic on it, and no traps anywhere near.  No alarms, and nothing physical.  I started quickly shooting through the pages, abusing my eidetic memory trait like crazy to just skim everything and absorb the information.  Thankfully, new memories weren't at risk of falling into the sundered gaps in my mind like a lot of the old ones were.  That was the frustrating part.  I couldn't even analyze how I'd gotten the infection yet.  That memory was one of the bits that had fallen into the abyss.  The event with Lady Otria, I was pretty sure, had only caused an already existing Nexus in me to start awakening and evolving.

The state of my soul had taken me a bit to wrap my head around.  There were the memories in my mind, but there were also `physical' locations I could visit in my soul.  Moving around inside my soulscape was an act of willpower, and pretty easy to do if I `blended' locations and environments from one spot to the next.  But now there were... those gaps in myself.  I could approach the edge, and vaguely remember the memory that had been there, but... remembering it directly was impossible.  And going there in the soulscape was suicide.  I'd fall into the abyss and suffer real Ego Death.  I needed to wait for my friend to repair my soul.

Another file.  Much older data, and much dirtier.  Though compared to the rest of Nulidia, not really noteworthy.  Well, no, it was noteworthy in the extent that Voxet was able to pull it off.  He'd made his start by cleverly separating idiots from their money, by providing them ways to literally bet it away.  My feelings on gambling were... mixed at best.  I mean, honestly, if these people were stupid enough to bet their money on a slim chance of making more money, they probably deserved what they got.

He played them against each other, too.  His real skill had been social manipulation, and making sure nobody ever blamed him if any conflicts arrived due to debts or fairness implications.  And from that coin-rich start, he built an empire from secrets instead.  His true vocation of manipulating people and making them think they came out on top.  His casino had been expanded to allow high level secret meetings to quietly take place here.  And of course, he was listening in, even if nobody suspected him of being anything more than just a gracious host.  With everyone's secrets in paw, he was able to exert power and authority from the shadows, while avoiding the blame himself for any fallouts.

But as far as I could tell, that was... seven years ago or more.  Nothing was dated closer than that.  These days, he didn't have to play the information game.  Between his casino and charging people for secrecy, he'd already raked in a colossal amount of coin.  Overhead for the guards and gambling hall was chump change in comparison.  He was... saving up for something too.  Something clearly very expensive.  Though little charges here and there kept delaying him it seemed.  Like buying me.  His reason for needing a `maid' was flimsy at best.  No, I think he wanted something else from me.  Tch.

So, he'd been clean for years, only providing a minimal service in Nulidia while doing his own thing.  Clearly his cousin, Xora, wasn't very pleased about it, but she was also being paid quite nicely by the looks of it.  But it was pretty easy to tell her opinion from the sarcastic barbs she'd left in some of the booking notations.  She'd be staying off the trust whitelist I was now keeping in my head.  Vox, maybe.  I needed to know what his plans were for me first.  All that was on his comm system for recent purchases involving me was just that.  The initial contract, seeking a `minimally adult female Inaga'.  Pretty vague as far as custom orders went, and probably pretty easy to get for the Agency, even legally.  The only reason he'd undoubtedly gone through them was the... rarity of Inaga in this climate.  It was way too fucking cold here for us.  But why did he want a maid?

There was nothing anywhere that would give away his motives, though, and my muzzle scrunched.  But my alarms went off instead and I slammed the cabinet shut, making sure it was absolutely still for a split second before stepping backwards and through a wrinkle behind me, suddenly finding myself through a distortion and on the other side of the room instead.  That was one of the weaknesses of the Wrinkle Step technique.  Other than it needing an unbroken `line' from one point to another, and having somewhat short range, I also couldn't wrinkle step while going forward yet.  Looking into the distortion always threw me off, and the vertigo caused my focus to slip up and disrupt the effect.

She moved with lightning speed for how absolutely silent she was.  I had... difficulty tracking her visually with my eyes.  I recognized part of what she was doing as a vita-based shadow technique, but something about the way she moved and positioned herself was vaguely reminiscent of an optical illusion.  Using the very mind to disguise what she was doing.  Mixed with vita speed techniques, and I had barely moved out of the way before she was at the cabinet, ears twitching there.

An Illan, with dark-gray fur, and patches of almost black here and there, with one prominently over her left eye.  Her eyes were a dark-teal color, furiously looking over where I'd been a moment before.  My own eyes narrowed as I watched her, information flooding from them as I fully activated my True Alchemy eye augments again.  Our identities were intrinsically baked into our souls over the years, and she was no different, as her name drifted up over her head.  Ah, so this was Remi.  She was in all-black leather armor, and had some pretty nasty-looking curved blades on her lower back, a hilt sticking out each side of her waist.  Smaller knives were below them, strapped to her thighs.  The sheath style reminded me of Kyry.  Was this girl trained similarly?  What was it, a Bloodstalker?  I'd heard of the Shadowstalkers, which were the elite ranger units out of Koramir.  Were they related?  The Vulkus girl my other self had met in the clinic was definitely one of them.  My eyes widened as I watched her hold her paw just over the surface of the metal of the cabinet, then frown.  ...shit, she could feel the body heat I'd left on the metal!

Stupid, Exes!  I was gone an instant later, turning and moving through a wrinkle to my left after cooling the carpet under my lower paws with True Alchemy.  A distortion, and I stepped back into my bed again instead, also cooling my temperature of my own carpet before settling under the covers once more.  A direct field of detection around me, linked to a chaining stasis effect, and then I sunk myself just below the surface of consciousness, giving the body partly over to my other sleeping self, while just carefully watching using True Alchemy.

Last resort.  She tried to capture me or kill me.  She'd get frozen by the field, no matter how she'd try.  I'd have to leave then.  Force myself awake as long as possible and in control, get somewhere safe where the twins could watch over me, then leave my other self a detailed note.  We couldn't be captured again.  Not again.  Number one goal after ascertaining Voxet's motives was to get a message out somehow.  A message to Realmsguard that couldn?t be intercepted by the Cult.  ...easier said than done.

The cunt actually came.  My door slid open, silenced by shadow vita, and I saw her eyes glimmer in the dark as she watched me suddenly.  She was absolutely silent, through the door in an instant and shutting it quietly before stepping closer to where I slept.  From now on, I was leaving a True Alchemy enchantment on my room to protect me while I slept...  Just in case someone tried this bullshit while I wasn't currently in my body.

Her eyes narrowed as she watched me, sniffing softly.  Her ears twitched as she listened to my breathing, then slowly crouched down and touched the carpet.  I could... feel her vita dance over it for a moment.  She was actually detecting temperature variance!  I'd already equalized it though, and she frowned instead, slowly standing again.  How had Voxet gotten someone like her helping him?!

She just carefully watched me for another long moment.  If she tried to kill me... I'd kill her instead.  I wasn't about to take any more risks.  Not if she was good at tracking people.  But she must have decided against doing anything, instead turning and stepping into her own shadows again.  My door cracked open, then quietly closed, and she was gone.  Fuck.  I remember Voxet saying he'd brought people to the clinic before, and later it was implied that Remi was one of them.  Did he save her then?  I didn't imagine someone like her putting their services up for `sale'.  Not in any normal regard, anyway.

It was enough for tonight.  I placed the proximity enchantment up over the entire room instead, then let myself sink fully back into my soulscape.  I had more research to do...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


I woke up with a yawn, then stretched... only to immediately regret it as I doubled over in a wave of nausea.  Aaaaah!  This was terrible!  I curled up, shuddering, before turning and rushing for the door instead.  I barely got into Vox's bathroom before violently vomiting into the toilet there!  I knew it would start up once I woke, though...

It didn't stop, unfortunately.  Exactly as assured, my body had started to expel fluids out just about every orifice I had.  Meria had come in to help me about a half an hour later, giving me some temporary medicine to stop the vomiting at least so I could get some breakfast down and maybe process it before starting up again.  That was the... trickiest part of detoxing.  Making sure I didn't literally expel all of my vital nutrients and fluids.  At least not faster than I could put them back in.

And more of the pills were in me, promising even more sickness.  Vox transferred me one door down the hall to the medical ward instead after breakfast, to the intensive care bed with a built-in bathroom.  That was... really, really useful.  He tucked me under the covers, making sure I was warm due to being naked again.  Cut back on cleanup issues...

``I know this is miserable, but we have to get it out of the way, X.  I gave you another temporary, low dose of the Moondust, but... I think you'll be much better off once we get you off that stuff entirely.''  He frowned, giving my shoulder a rub, but I relaxed and nodded slowly to him.

``Mmm, thanks, Vox.  Really.  I'm gonna have to try extra hard to be your butler after all this.  It's what you got me for...''  He chuckled at that, then slowly shook his head.

``Relax.  Focus on getting better, okay?  We can talk about your job once your medical concerns are done with.  Of course, don't expect to get paid just yet either.''  He shot me a wink at that, and I snickered softly again, nodding.

That would be silly.  My neck display gave him a little tongue-sticking-out emote at the same time as I literally stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed.  ``You're getting the hang of that thing, I see.  I'm glad.  Hopefully... things aren't as dire as the mind mage alluded to.''

I frowned at that.  ``You mean... if the Agency tried to kill my Ego or not?''  Even writing it on my little illusion panel felt... scary.  `Tried'.  I was pretty sure... he... was still inside me.

Vox sighed, but nodded.  ``Yeah.  I... think they were trying to cover something up.  Erasing you even though there was no reason to...  That's the only reason I could think of.  You knew about something they didn't want talked about.  Giving you to me is just a convenient way to get rid of you after you were erased...''  I swallowed tensely at that, giving a little shiver.

``Am... I still the same person then?  Is... the old me different?  Is he... alive somewhere inside of me?  What will happen to me if he... comes out again?''  I frowned, suddenly... scared.  If he was somewhere inside of me, what would happen to... me if he got better?  Would I... get Ego killed instead?  I didn't want to die!

Vox set his paw against mine though, and I gave a little start, eyes focusing on him again.  ``X, stop.  Just rest and focus on your health.  Those are all things we can ask the mind mage at the next session, okay?  I suspect that... if you do have your old self in your mind, I think the two of you... repairing yourselves will more be realizing you're still both the same person.  But... I don't think you have anything to worry about.''

I relaxed at that, then slowly nodded.  That made sense.  We'd... have two souls if we were different people, wouldn't we?  That would be detectable, probably!  It wasn't a person inside me.  It was just my own memories, right?  ``Mmm, alright.  Thank you, Vox.  Is there anything else to do today?''

He grinned at that, then shook his head.  ``Nope.  You just take it easy and relax.  I did talk to Remi, and I'll be back in with her a bit later for a visit.  She might have some insight into how you're feeling.  She went through detoxing for Moondust too, a while back.''  Oh!  Well, that made sense.  Though she wasn't going to the mind mage for therapy?

I smiled regardless and gave him a double nod.  ``Alright.  I'll try to get some more rest then.  Um, but feel free to wake me if I'm sleeping!''

``We'll see.  Now rest, you.  I'll be back for lunch later.''  He shot me another softer smile before turning and heading out again.  Vox really was nice.  I didn't... know what to think anymore about Atir and Callia.  Everyone seemed to think they were monsters and... if what they did to me was true, I...  No, I'd think about that later.  I really was tired now.

Closing my eyes, I tried to snuggle up under the covers, and catch some rest before my body decided to violently revolt again.  I was starting to wonder if it might not have been a better idea to hold off on repairing my taste buds...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


I must have been in and out for a while.  At least I only threw up twice more.  My body was constantly shivering with cold and hot flushes, and the on-duty nurse switched me over to liquid intravenous drips by lunch.  Why...  Why was this a thing people even had to do?!  She must have told Vox, because he didn't arrive with food this time, instead grimacing as he saw me laying there.

``Yeah, it tends to get rougher in the middle of the day...''  He sat down in the chair next to my bed, then looked back over at the door, causing me to at least raise one curious ear that direction.

I actually didn't... hear her come in.  She walked without any noise at all, and surprisingly fluidly for an Illan.  Normally they were a bit clumsy with just walking instead of bouncing.  Dark-gray fur with black patches, including a big one over her left eye.  They were pretty, teal pools watching me curiously after she gave a little hop and landed on the end of the bed.  She was in tight leather armor, dyed completely black, and had sheaths for weapons visible, that were thankfully empty at the moment.  Was she... a guard or something?

She balanced there, forepaws pressed down against the mattress and between her rear paws, in a careful crouch as she tilted her head my way.  ``Sup?  Yer tha new one Vox brought in and is helpin', right?''  She had a rather messy accent, which caught me off guard.  I'd heard other people on the streets talking like that, though.  Maybe it was a Nulidia thing?

I blinked once, staring at her for a moment before slowly nodding.  ``Um, yes!  Vox has helped me a lot.  Uh, I'm X!  It's... just a placeholder.  I don't remember my real name.''  She leaned slightly back as she read the display next to my head with a flick of her eyes, then smoothly folded her legs up under her, crossing them as she sat down the rest of the way.

Vox gave a chuckle, watching her, before nodding.  ``Right, this is-``

``Tut!''  His ears flicked up as the Illan cut him off, then grinned.  ``Ya know Ah can introduce mahself, Voxxy.  Remi!  An' it's... interestin' ta meet ya...''  She whacked her right paw off her chest for a moment, sharp eyes looking me over afterwards.  Something... felt like she was suspicious of me...

Vox sagged before exhaling softly.  ``Oh, for crying out loud, Remi.  I told you, you don't have to worry about X...''  Eh?!  My ears lowered and I frowned at that, but the Illan flicked her tail behind her, tail puff wobbling slightly.

``Ah'm yer head o' security, Vox.  It's mah job ta have trust issues!  `sides, someone got inta yer files last night.  There weren't any security breaches... an' not too many o' yer guests could pull that off...''  Her eyes narrowed as she stared at me, and I shrank, shivering again in my blankets.

``So, you pick the violently ill, psychologically traumatized guest to accuse...?''  They stared pointedly at each other before Remi hopped up onto her paws again and stomped one down, rocking the bed under us both.  Oh...  Ooooh.... Crap.

Remi huffed.  ``Ya need ta take this seriously, Vox!  Whoever it was, got right past tha-``  It was too much.  I wobbled, then rotated off the side of the bed with my head, where the handy flushing bin was, then violently vomited...

Several heaves later, I sunk onto the mattress again with a groan, resting on my stomach while blindly feeling around until I hit the flush lever with my right paw.  Ugh.  And this was better than the Moondust?!  I used the rinse spray to wipe my muzzle down, then curled onto my side instead, cold again.  Remi winced as she watched me, grimacing for a moment before coughing lightly.  ``Uh, actually, that's givin' me some serious flashbacks.  Moondust, right...?''

I exhaled shakily, then nodded.  ``And the female hormones...''  Technically they were artificial inside me, and also getting purged.  I didn't know how to feel about that...  Her ears perked at that, frowning as her gaze snapped down to the wrapped blankets instead, against my waist.  Right, it was probably confusing with my breasts resting visibly out in the open.  I winced, then shifted my leg, moving my tail aside, and she widened her eyes as my small sheath came into view.

``Ah, fuck!  Vox said, but... ya smelled female!  Tch...  Atir and Callia do this ta ya?''  My ears lowered at that, and I looked down and away before shrugging.  Remi exhaled at that, then shook her head.  ``Ah know it's hard.  Moondust...  It's more than just tha libido an' pleasure boosts...  Weakens yer mind with too much use.  It's...  It confuses ya.  Makes ya suggestable.  Ah bet they were real nice ta ya after they broke ya.  Made ya think they're tha best people in Aion...''

My eyes widened at that, and Vox made a hissing noise.  ``Remi!  That's way too much!''

She was still looking at me though, as I turned and looked back.  They...  Were they really...?  But they'd been...  The Illan paused, eyes locked with mine for a long moment before her expression finally softened a little, and she sighed.  Instead, she walked over and sat in front of me, curling her tail around her before shaking her head.  ``They hurt ya, X.  Yer situation, an' tha drugs...  Have ah way o' makin' ya think they're on yer side.  Even defendin' `em.  Ah know.  Mah first mate was tha same way...''

I swallowed uneasily at that.  My situation...?  Her paws rested against my leg though, and she gave me a smile instead.  ``Right blighter.  How Ah ended up `ere.  Only Vox an' Meria know tha story, but if yer gonna be `ere ta stay, like Vox hopes...''  She chuckled at that, then suddenly flopped forward, causing me to lean back as she looked up at me from the blanket over my lap.  Eh?

``Yer gonna need ta face tha truth.  Soon as ya can.  They kidnapped ya, did terrible things ta ya, and meant ta sell ya as ah sex slave.  Treatin' ya nice, in contrast ta tha horrors ya went through prior, is just psychological tactics, mixed with tha drugs.  Earns yer trust.  Gets ya loyal.  Look past it.  Look at what they're actually doin' ta ya.  In that moment, not comparin' ta anything else.  Accept what ya see...''

She stared at me the whole time, and I couldn't look away from her eyes now.  Instead, I shivered, then sagged again.  They...  The Agency was... probably the ones who'd kidnapped me.  Remi was right.  Everything pointed to that.  That meant that Ignaus... and Atir and Callia who worked for him... were responsible for me being kidnapped.  They...  They were so nice to me when I woke up...  My eyes widened at that, and Remi nodded to me, even as they suddenly felt watery.  They were nice to me because they'd already gotten exactly what they wanted.  And by me liking them, I'd cooperate fully...  I...

I shut my eyes, wincing lightly.  This was all so...  ``I'm so stupid...  What am I even doing?''  It was stuck in my head.  Be a good girl.  Good girl!  But that was Atir!  That wasn't...  What was I doing?!  What did I want?  I just...  I didn't have anything.  There were no memories past a moon and a half and...

Vox put his paw on my knee, and Remi rested her head in my lap, giving me a long, bleak stare.  I didn't...  I didn't know anyone.  Vox and Meria, but... that was only for a few days now.  I'd clutched desperately to them after being left here, but that...  Did I have family or friends?  Did I know anyone outside of the city who was missing me?  Did... anyone even care that I was gone?

``Yer not stupid, X.  Abuse an trauma can do terrible things ta tha mind.  Ah was taken advantage of, too.  Fer ah while, was forced ta be ah ten-coin pleasure slave on tha streets, thanks ta who Ah thought was mah mate at tha time.  Got me hooked on Moondust he slipped me in mah food.  Never even suspected... so we're all blind ta things, sometimes.''

Vox nodded, giving a softer smile on the other side of me.  ``I know everything is new and overwhelming to you, X.  But... we're going to try to help you through this.  You can start making new memories while waiting for your old ones to return, and we'll try to help you figure out who you are, and were.  You're not alone.''

I exhaled softly, then gave a week nod before wiping at my eyes.  ``I... thank you, Vox.  Thanks, Remi...''

Her whiskers wiggled and she sat up again before huffing.  ``Don't get sappy.  Gotta toughen yerself up!''

She... was kind of a brat.  My muzzle scrunched as I gave her a more pointed stare, and she grinned instead, tail bobbing now.  ``Okay, yer kinda fun.  Dun get tha wrong idea though.  Still suspicious as fuck.  Hope ya don't mind if Ah do some diggin' inta ya.''

My ears lowered at that, but I gave a more hopeful look.  ``If you find anything out, can you let me know too?  If...  If I have family or friends outside of Nulidia...''

She actually looked surprised for a moment at that, then relaxed again, expression softening once more.  ``Tch... yeah, o'course!  Sheesh.  Can see why Vox likes ya.  Yer both big saps...''  She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, and Vox chuckled.

``I'm counting on it, Remi.  And on you finding out who was peeking at my records.  Should we...?''  Remi whipped her head at Vox in a glare in a heartbeat, cutting him off and causing me to jump.

``Fuck no!  We're not gonna contact her!  Fuck that shit!  Fuck!''  Wow, language!  My ears lowered, and Remi shifted to pouting instead, whiskers wiggling again.  Yeah, I was pretty sure all Illan were adorable.

Vox gave her a smirk, then shrugged.  ``Fine, we'll rely on you to investigate.  For now, anyway.  Better be thorough, then!''

Remi growled at him, tail tuft puffing up.  ``Ah will!  Don't need ta hold that over mah head!''  I was so confused.  And uh... ugh.  Nope!  I didn't have time to ask, instead rotating off the side of the bed again and throwing up once more into the basin thingy.  And I had to go through two weeks of this?!

Wincing, Vox watched for a moment before sighing.  ``Right.  I'm going to go talk to the nurse and see if there's anything else we can do about the... violently ill bit.  I know you're supposed to be venting things but this is just... miserable.''  He didn't need to tell me that!

Remi gave a slow nod, looking a bit traumatized herself before rotating to face me more fully instead.  ``Probably not, but... company helped me.  Ah think Ah'll stay `ere with X fer now...''  Oh?  She was staying here?  I... had honestly thought she didn't like me very much.

Vox chuckled at that, which got her to give a more pointed glare his way, but he held his paws up, then headed for the door instead.  ``Of course.  Just don't traumatize him any further, Remi.  I know how you are with males...''  With males?

She glared harder at him at that, then huffed.  ``Ah have some common decency, ya know!''  The skeptical glance he shot her only seemed to make her more indignant, and he left, laughing, just as she sent one of the paper cups on my nightstand into the wall next to where he'd been.  I was actually kind of impressed by her aim!

She was... blushing a little when she turned back around to me instead.  ``Fucker...  Ugh.  No, Vox is... cheeky, but ah good guy.  Ah'm loathed ta admit.  But... he saved me from what happened, ah long time ago.  Keeps tryin' ta get me therapy an' crap but... really.  Ah owe him mah life...''  She sagged a bit at that, then looked up at me again before rolling her eyes.  ``An' now Ah'm spewin' mah life's story, practically.  Tch.  Somethin' about ya is crazy disarmin', ya know that?''

She gave me a more pointed stare, and I pulled back a little again, ears lowering.  She huffed.  ``Relax!  Sheesh...  Ah... don't got nothin' against yer dick, contrary ta what Vox implied!  Just... on edge after last night...''

My muzzle scrunched at that, and I averted my eyes before exhaling softly.  ``Given two days ago, I thought of it as my clit...   Now I... don't know what to think.''  She winced at that, ears lowering before sighing.

``That ain't what Ah...  Look, that...  Ugh.  That's so fuckin' pathetic it hurts ta even read!  Yer like seein' ah kicked Strider pup hidin' under ah box in tha street!''  She hissed it out, then groaned and flopped over again as my ears lowered even more.  ``Stooooop!  Ah'm sorry!  Ah didn't mean...  Look, Ah'm not tha best at... people.  Dealin' with `em, anyway.''

I frowned to her, unsure of exactly how to even talk to her really, but she exhaled again and slowly shook her head.  ``Look, Ah know yer tryin' ta figure out who ya really are an' stuff... but ya need ta toughen up!  Really!''  She whacked her paw into her other open pad, giving me a fierce look... that came off as a little cute, and I coughed lightly.

She shot to a glare immediately.  ``No!  Ah'm not cute!  Don't even say it!  Ah saw that!  Tch!''  Another muzzle scrunch, and she rolled her eyes.  ``Look, yer cute too!  An' ya shouldn't be!''  Eh?  I... shouldn't be cute?

``What...  I'm cute?  What... should I be instead then?''  I gave her a skeptical look, and she flushed again before huffing.

``Yes, yer cute!  Ah said it!  But if ya decide ta be ah boy!  Males are rugged, an' handsome, an' powerful!  Rawr!  Confident, an' in charge!  Project it, an' be all grr an' stuff!''  She puffed herself up and make a squeaky sort of growling noise.  My muzzle scrunched, and hers did too... before I snorted and started laughing.

She gave a hiss, turning pink again before starting to laugh too.  ``Stoooop!  Ah was bein' serious!''  She didn't stop laughing though, at least until I twitched, then mid-laugh, coughed and flopped to the side to vomit again.  ...then she laughed harder.  Brat!  Remi was... something else, that was for sure...

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