Alex looked at the cut on his cheek while Doc got the fasteners. She'd cleaned the blood and applied coagulant, so now he could see the bone. How had this not hurt more as the knife sliced his cheek open?

    "If you're done admiring it," she said, "I'm going to close it."

    Alex sat back down. He didn't see what she used, but he felt the skin pulled close.

    "That's going to leave a visible scar," she said, bandaging his face. "I don't have the equipment to prevent it. Once it's fully healed, you can get any decent doctor to remove the scar."

    Alex didn't know if he was going to do that. He thought he should keep a reminder that the violence he did had consequences. It wasn't the only scar he'd gained in one day, his arms, chest, legs and backs were criss crossed with bandages. Most would heal cleanly, Doc told him, but a few would scar. Still, his cheek would be the only one always visible.

    "The pain killer I gave you are going to last twenty four hours. Go eat and then rest. If you want to go to the party tomorrow, I can give you more, but nothing after that. I don't want you to get use to being numb."

    "You don't have to worry about that. I want to pay the price for what I did. I got hurt, I should feel pain."

    She frowned. "Don't go making it worse just because you think you need to be punished. Working for Anders is bad enough."

    Alex shook his head. "That isn't why. I just don't have any interest in being numb. Getting in a fight causes pain, and i have to get use to that. I suspect this isn't going to be my last fight. As for Anders, while I work for him, he doesn't have a reason to try to kill me."

    "What do you think this was? You should have been on the bridge."

    She was angry, Alex was surprised to realize. "You think he had me go on the job so I'd die?"

    "That's the best way to get rid of you. No one can claim he did it, people die on jobs."

    "If that's what he wanted, he shouldn't have his people train me so hard."

    She stared at him. "You think he ordered them to do that?" 

    "He told Zephyr to train me," Alex stated.

    "How well?"

    "Well enough I survived this fight."

    She shook her head. "I doubt that was Ander's doing. Anyway, I've patched you up as best as I can. Go eat and then rest."

    Alex left, thoughtful. He couldn't believe Anders would set him up to be killed. He would have to ask-

    Zephyr was leaning against the wall by the medbay's door. "You okay?" the man asked.

    Alex nodded. He eyed Zephyr. "You checking up on me for Anders?"

    "No."

    Alex waited for more, but the man stayed silent. With a shrug Alex walked away, only to have Zephyr fall into step with him.

    "Can I ask you a question?" Alex asked. The man was there, he might as well take advantage of it.

    "Sure."

    "Did Anders tell you to put me in a position where I'd get killed?"

    Zephyr took a moment before answering. "Does it matter?" 

    "Of course it does."

    "Why? You survived."

    "Because I'd like to know if there's someone I can trust on this ship."

    Zephyr snorted. "You're on a ship crewed by all kind of criminals, up to and including killers. I'd think the answer to that question is obvious."

    "I refuse to believe everyone's out to get me."

    "Of course not. Only the people who find you to be a threat want that."

    "If Anders wants me dead, why did you train me so well?" 

    "What makes you think I did?"

    "I fought five people, more or less at the same time, and I was the one to survive."

    "You seem to be under the mistaken impression that what I taught you is responsible for that."

    Alex froze. "What do you mean?"

    Zephyr turned to face him. "Knowing how to use a knife, or a gun, isn't all surviving a fight is about. You have to want to win it. You have to want to win bad enough that you'll do whatever you need to do to win. Most people, they don't want to win. They'll tell you they do, but if things get tough, they'd rather go do something else."

    Zephyr pointed to his bandaged arm. "You didn't give this to me because you're better than I am. You were able to slice my arm up because at that moment you wanted to win at all cost. I didn't want to hurt you, so you got me. Then I got serious and I got you down. You want to win, Crimson. If you didn't, you wouldn't have lived past the first month here."

    Alex had trouble accepting that. He hadn't decided to sacrifice his morality until after he'd talk to that conman. Everything before that had just been-what? Luck?

    "Does that mean I wasn't suppose to survive that bar fight?"

    Zephyr shrugged. "Again, does it matter?" 

    "Damn it Zeph!"

    "Look at it this way. If all Anders wanted out of it was a distraction, you gave him that. If he was trying to get you killed, you showed him that you're tougher than he thought."

    "And the same with this job?" Zephyr nodded.

    "Doesn't that mean that if Anders wants me dead, he's going to move to something more direct?"

    "Probably, but I'll tell you this. If he decides to have you killed, I won't be the one to do it."

    Alex rolled his eyes. "Why should I believe that?"

    Zephyr smiled. "Good, that's how you should think. But here's why I won't do it. You are on very good term with the ship's systems, and I'm terrified of what you might have told it to do if something was to happen to you."

    "What?" Alex almost tripped on his own feet. "I haven't told the ship to do anything."

    Zephyr looked at him and gave him a devious smile. "Really? And why should I believe you?"

    Alex opened his mouth to answer, and found he had no idea what to say. And then what Zephyr said sunk in. The ship ran on power. People who didn't have power feared those who did. Because of his position as one of the captain's trusted men, Anders had power over a lot of the crew, but Alex controlled the ship. He could take over if he wanted.

    He swallowed hard. No wonder Anders didn't like him.

    * * * * *

    Alex did get the second numbing shot, and he went to the celebration. He'd avoided most of them before, because after the first one he wasn't comfortable with all the accolades he got, but this time, he hadn't done anything special, he was just one of many who had taken part on a successful job.

    He drank, a lot. He danced, he watched Anders change the common room's lighting over and over, cool it down, heat it up, in short abuse the authority he had over the ship's system.

    Alex made out with some of the guys, and he almost ended up in bed with one of them. They made it to the other man's room, and were in the process of taking each other's shirt when Alex ran a hand through his chest, and felt flesh, instead of fur.

    He stopped cold, apologized, and left. He headed directly to his room, where he slept his drunkenness away. In the morning he decided he couldn't afford to ever drink again. He was willing to sacrifice a lot of his morality in his rescue of Jack, but he wouldn't risk being unfaithful to him again.

    That decision made, he jumped up to get his day going, only to crash back to his bed, his body overcome with aches and soreness.

    The day could wait for him to be healed.