Lana (far left) Hunter (left) Vera (right) Zara (far right) Kas (foreground head) (c) Ketzio11 & Gothbunnyboy
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~~
Not sleeping was almost tolerable if not for Vera specifically hating the morning. There was this hanging dull still to the entire world. She could see a car or two twinkle by, or the strange morning commuter on foot, but the entire 'real world', as it seemed, was frozen. The frost was another issue, not the metaphorical poetic frost she saw everyone in, but the literal morning chill which permeated a repulsive sting that easily penetrated all layers of clothes.
She had nothing else to do during her sleepless early morning but walk down a deserted street with carefully selected clothing as if she were afraid of being seen and (gasp) being called a goth poser or something. Even in her loneliness, she dressed in all blacks and purples.
Vera heavily regretted not having a hobby to pass the time instead of feeling like a bum stepping on leaves and seeing her visible breath in the cold; she genuinely missed sewing despite how bad it made her right eye sting and hurt. Of course, she regretted a more than just that but who was counting?
It was down Oakland Road, beside a festive array of small doctors’ offices: orthodontists, dentists, optometrists (those fuckers). When Vera began finally regretted this walk, it was 5:30 in the morning which was still about 20 minutes before 'way-the-fuck-too-early' and she was growing exhausted. She had slept a broken 3 hours; which included an extended act break to nightmare about being vividly raped (not rape, you asked for it Vera), waking up in a cold sweat, and randomly needing to check her phone. The circles under her eyes were deeper than her own self-loathing and the idea that she was going insane only terrified her more, which seemed to further darken those circles.
She thought about Oakland Road; closing her eyes and nervously tapping her lip. In her head a map formed amid the memories of slapping bare fur on fur and broken promises. She could remember that about 4 blocks up and 2 streets down she would come just behind a market... Trader Steve's. The place was prolific in her mind for having wood flooring and smelling of fruit.
"Alright," She spoke to nothing and opened her eyes. "Guess I could stop here."
She stood, half-expecting herself to answer or maybe another vindictive voice to remind her of something, but it seemed like all her memories of that place where okay. Either that or the voices in her head didn't feel like keeping her company either.
"Okay then," she rolled her eyes and trudged on; following the map she had mentally drawn. It was the least she could do to hang on, looking at the side of the street with offices all dark and frozen (there's that word again - frozen) or looking to the opposite side, where beside a gardening store (also frozen... icy) and what once was a video store, now an empty building with a faded imprint of where the sign was, she could only feel numb and detached. Her brain map kept her focused. Oh, why did she leave her phone at home?
Leaving her phone was obvious though. She didn't want to wake up her friends, specifically Hunter. She had been getting into the habit of texting them between the hours of 5-8 on non-school nights and, though on the surface they seemed okay, this was a practice that she imagined they were growing tired of. She was especially scared of Hunter sharing those feelings. It certainly hurt her to imagine Hunter looking at his phone and seeing her name with any contempt. She had plenty of contempt for herself.
"Alaska!" she said out loud randomly before stopping at the first turn off Oakland. "That's where I keep getting this stupid frozen thing, Zara called me Alaska.... it's cold in Alaska."
She could imagine the large opossum's dumb smug face when she said it. She also remembered asking Zara what the fuck that was supposed to mean and just being met with a condescending shrug. It was so random since all the people in their little clique had some form of nickname to them but she didn't yet. Something like... Zara is 'Z', Hunter is 'dogboy' (Though, Vera made it a point to call him 'gringo puppy' when they were alone together sometimes), Kasimir is... well... 'Kas', Lana is 'jackets' for some reason but they also rarely call her that... and if everyone wasn't so sensitive about Lana's little sister, Zaily, Zara probably would've nicknamed her 'Aily' or something.... because of her terminal ailment. (yikes).
The revelation fell loudly out of her raspy voice, which seemed to be choked with sleeplessness and the cold air. Paradoxically, the lack of a response both came entirely suspected and surprising to Vera. She kept expecting one of her snarky inner voices to put her on blast for being an idiot.
Vera could hear the tattering of trees as wind purused them but nothing really acknowledged her. She took her turn and continued walking, feeling odder.
By the time Vera got to the store, the sky had brought up from a deep black to a more inky blue and she could hear a lot more cars on the near road, maybe some of this 'frozenness' was stopping. Vera could spy with her non-color-blind-purple-eye, that the store had souls in it too, not just the automated employs who sluggishly drug their carcasses into work this morning, but other cadavers too; gross slabs of meat and fur getting morning shopping done. They weren't many but she was quietly relieved to see signs of life.
There was a massive gust of hot air as she entered the store; the large system belching its warm breath right as she walked in and, for a moment, she felt severe vertigo. Slowly as it lifted, she could appreciate feeling all her digits again rather than just the feeling of (Alaska) being cold.
Vera noticed three types of people. First, the granola munchers; this eerie group of perpetually stoned zombies with crystals swinging around their necks. She watched them gravitate towards organics and it was easy to imagine that, like her, these were people who hadn't slept either. Secondly, she watched the gray-furred; tired geriatrics who probably chose this hour to avoid her kind being the youthful energy drink guzzling phone junkies. And last were the stoic business types, who looked like they were buying prepared lunches.
It wasn't her purpose to come here and people-watch, but then again what was her purpose for coming? Coffee, probably, but her stomach turned and gurgled in reproach to that idea. An energy drink sounded just as gross. Maybe a light snack?
Though the thought of eating repulsed her too. Not that she needed any more food with her fucking thighs filling out the way they were - which some identified as part of puberty but she specifically identified as "getting fat". She used to be some solid 90-something pounds... and now she was reaching something like 120 or something like that. She was failing life.
"Well, stupid, you walked in here so what are you going to get?" She thought and absently paced the aisles. There was this odd sense of urgency when she began perusing the aisles as if everyone was watching her and getting pissed at her indecisiveness.
No one gave a shit, but to her, everyone did.
She stopped at the array of energy drinks; all too sweet for her liking. Was it too much to ask for something bitter or at the very least less sweet? Probably. A silver cylindrical can caught her eye and she slid a finger along its cool surface, tracing the words 'X-12; silver bolt'. Something about the sci-fi names tickled her.
"Vera?" a dry and bassy baritone spoke so suddenly and close that would have jumped from her fur and skin if not for it being tightly attached. Still, she made an almost comedic blunder that would have caused the entire shelf to collapse had the intruder not hefted out a meaty paw to catch the fallen can. She followed the dark fur up hefty muscled arm and toward a bulbous wide chest and up to the gold eyes of a panther that she... unbelievable knew from her 'last' life.
Yes, they had fucked. Of course, she would run into someone she was intimate with here and now. Obviously, everyone is at a hipster grocery store at freaking dawn! If only she could place a name to that wretched face. She could vividly recall his fetish but his name was... Tyrone, Tyler, Toblerone... Titus!
"Oh... uh... hey." She groaned in her extra fried rasp. She always sounded like she needed water but now she was getting that 2 pack a day voice... sexy stuff, obviously.
"Yeah, it IS you!" He grinned and set the can back in its place among the collection of other 'futuristic' cans. "What has it been like... a million years?! How has it been hanging, girl? You know, I almost didn't recognize you. With having your hair out of your eyes and all. I never noticed the crazy different-color-thing they got going on."
"Well... yeah my bangs where starting to get in my mouth so I figured... might as well brush them back." She cleared her throat; looking away. She wasn't pensive but more anxious. "I'm not fond of eating my own hair."
"Huh, well I'm glad to see you're still rocking the purple hair." he paused brushing his fingers along a longer patch of fur on his chin, "Plus, your face is real pretty now that it's not totally covered. I dig it."
(Alaska, remember when you were mad about the freezing over thing? Bet you regret that now -- at least you know your face is pretty)
"Thanks, Titus..." she teetered on her heels feeling awkward and upset with no ounce of sincerity in her voice. "So not that it's really my business but, what are you doing.... here... specifically here now?"
"I work here on the weekends. I unload the trucks with my brothers and we just got done, would you be interested in breakfast?" He took a coy tone and she felt a swirling in her stomach that made her feel dizzy.
"Actually... er... Titus.... I don't think that's really a good idea." She could feel his grimace without even looking up. "In fact, I should go--"
Abruptly he snatched up her wrist and she could feel the most helpless quiver in her throat as her body tensed.
"Are you okay...?" He said seriously and grimly; his voice booming deep next to her nose, the smell of mustard ripe on his breath. "Your eyes are kinda swollen... like... you're not with someone... bad... right?"
"P-Please let me go." She snatched her wrist back with her terror changing into confusion.
"Both of your eyes are bruised, you've been shaking this entire time." He snarled; this image of attempted white-knight-dom exploding from every word he said. "Who's beating you up? Please tell me. It kills me to see that."
"I'm j-just..." Vera felt tears welling up in her eyes as she felt this old, familiar helplessness. She hadn't had a problem talking to boys for a couple of months now (well, more like she just didn't talk to any boys who weren’t Kas or Hunter) but she felt this choking up feeling that she hadn't felt since the last time she was so desperate for a boyfriend.
"Just what?" Vera could see his muscles grossly tighten.
"No one is beating on me... I have insomnia. Really bad." Vera folded her arms; hoping it would deter any other sudden grabs and create a social barrier between them. "I-I can take care of myself."
"Mhmm" (He was so condescending; it would be sweet if it wasn't so grating) He nodded slowly. "Well, look, let me give you my number again and maybe we can do coffee or something."
Mindlessly she reached toward a phone that was absent from her pocket and looked down blankly finally remembering where it was: at home.
"Oh." She muttered; already knowing that. " I don't have my phone."
"Uh-huh" he half-nodded quickly adding. "You really must be sleepless then, well I probably still have you on my Skip so I'll send you a message to check on you later."
"Ok." She said smiling with too much teeth and feeling gross. As if all at once, her hair felt greasier, her fur nappier, and her breath stale. She felt like she needed a shower especially as he leant in, without warning and pecked her on the cheek. Not a sexual lovers kiss, hardly even a "we once fucked" kiss... more of a timid European thing. The more she remembered the way he used to be... she did remember him mentioning something about being European so, perhaps, this wasn't just plain rape. Still, her entire body recoiled and she convulsed with fear and anxiety. He didn't notice.
~~
Suddenly she couldn't get out of the store fast enough, she exploded out of the doors and collapsed on the cold pavement beside a flickering vending machine; warm tears marching insolently down her cheeks. Like a film inside her eyelids, all she could see were nasty images of herself being thrust into and used. Full color stereoscopic 3D; seeing herself position and fucked accompanied by the droning hum of a single long ringing.
She clenched her eyes tight and clutched at her always-down ears as rampant trembles sprinted up and down her.
"Don't do this, don't make a scene." she muttered, dragging her boots up the concrete and against her butt, with legs pressing to her chin. All she could do is fight screaming that her bed, her filthy, filthy bed, was so far away.
(Hunter never stutters when he sings)
A voice clearly cut the images apart, clearing her brain as the fragments became dark.
(He can barely say his own name, but he doesn't stutter when he sings)
She could picture him sitting on her bed, playing some sweet old grungy emo song on his acoustic, his soft and girlish voice almost gravelly in parts. Vera could almost smell his shampoo; a strong chemical-smell of cheap stuff. It was okay, her shampoo was probably too extravagant anyways and that must've bugged him.
Her world was reforming again and she could feel a flush of life returning to her. Suddenly, she could stand again, though her feet wobbled slightly.
She blinked and swatted the tide of salty tears from her face and looked up towards the hills that barely silhouetted a dark indigo sky. That was the direction Kas lived. The higher estates were an array of fancy homes, miniature palaces and the McMansions.
Funny, Vera thought, she had always lived beyond comfortably: food, swimming pool, vacation, and almost everything she wanted. She wasn't dumb, she knew that in some ways she had been spoiled, but it took seeing Kas' house for her to understand what being rich in excess was. Suddenly her 5-bedroom swimming pool and jacuzzi house felt meager and humble.
For whatever reasons, she had begun to move in that direction; walking from the store and along the sidewalk. It seemed on this side of the street the world was still (frozen, Alaska, frozen) not moving and from some nearby bakery she could smell sweet food. Naturally, Vera's tummy made a rumbling that both annoyed and amused her; primarily because when she had been at the store she wanted nothing… and now suddenly… well, she wasn't stopping.
She trudged along the incline heading upwards with gradual effect; her tired legs burning from exhaustion as she smelled less of the food and more wet leaves and Earth.
So many of the large houses were still dead, maybe a few glimmering porch lights or a boogieman-ridding-hall-light but other than that still... (frozen?) (stop that).
She never walked these streets much, having always procured rides, and the exact impact of the incline was suddenly weighing so fiercely on her hips that she begun to feel realistically sick. Vera felt herself physically drooping forward, just to keep her center of gravity.
Vera knew that she wasn't visiting Kas, it was far too early, he wouldn't be up for another few hours, but there was another feeble flame nearby. She knew it was probably a fruitless endeavor, and was prepared to turn back, her bed did seem appealing, but it was worth trying: what other time was there to rekindle a lost fire than when you were going completely insane?
All the streets bore one of two names as they crisscrossed. If they went along the primary road they had a flower's name: like azalea or daffodil but if they were going diagonal, then Vera felt they got the less desirable name of farm equipment. After all, who would want to live on trowel or pitchfork, when they could live on dandelion or lily.
The house she was going to was on a farm street. She stopped in front a compact row of tall modern houses. Even though they looked as though the overall property was smaller than her own, she knew the owners paid 3 times the amount just for this amazing view of... uh... Vera peered back at the town: it was a dark blur or random lights with all the charm of a piece of felt with a hodgepodge of small white pebbles on it. Meh.
She turned back at the house, walking along the path between volcanic rock gardens, but derailing towards the garage where she could see a light glowing.
"What are you doing?" she thought and slowly rapped on the garage door; wincing with each noise.
After the longest minute, she could hear the front door opening from roughly three hundred miles to her right.
"Vera?" a voice said as a slender rabbit punk girl with a gnarled scar that ran along the left side of her face. She stood, wearing pajamas, her hands on her hips and the most confused and worried expression.
The shame that Vera hadn't spoken to this girl in a long time sunk in. The same girl that helped show Vera goth music and punk rock was also the first-person Vera told to go away when she voiced a concern for how (slutty?) promiscuous Vera had become. She remembered this girl being a good friend... why did they fight? Oh. One of Vera's first boyfriends. Of course.
In hindsight, the girl was right about him. It was a shame Vera didn't care at the time and she was so overwhelmed at the prospect of having a boyfriend that she cut ties with her friends as a defensive mechanism.
The bunny girl's scar made Vera wince, it was new, though not fresh. It looked as though she might have been burned or had a car accident. Suddenly Vera felt worse for not seeing her in so long.
It made her even more apprehensive that, even after seeing the new scar, she was still complaining about how shit her own life was.
"Hey... so um... I dumped that guy... like a year ago... the one you... didn't like..." Vera rubbed her arm in embarrassment.
"...Sorry that it didn't go well." the girl responded with that same old kind of Serbian-sounding accent that Vera remembered.
"I was just... walking around and uh..." Vera couldn't maintain eye contact as she spoke her mind without any forethought; just throwing out what came to mind immediately. "Can I hang out with you?" Vera said in her modest and scratchy voice.
"Y-yeah?" the girl raised an eyebrow and stepped toward Vera "How di--"
"I guess I figured you would be up." Vera interrupted. "That's why I came, in case you were about to ask that"
"No, actually I was going to point out how bad you look Vera." she tilted her head in concern. "Is that just what you look like without makeup or have you slept at all?"
"Mmmmmm... ever?" Vera innocently tapped her chin. "I did once, I didn't like it though so I guess I never tried aga... you're not looking too happy."
"Yeah, well, a girl I figured didn't care if I was alive or dead just came knocking at my garage at 6 in the morning, sorry if I'm a little worried about your mental state.... you look awful." She glared walking Vera into her home.
"Yeah." Vera said absently walking into the dark living room and closing the door behind her. "How come I don't see you...at school... it's not because of your... um... face thing is it?"
"I missed you Vera, just c'mon" she gestured towards another door leading into the garage. A massive shrine to art and music. An assortment of pristine retro furniture sat surrounded by guitars and amps, while a large TV showed the news on mute. In the corner Vera spied her lavished cot and could suddenly smell the mixture of incense and coffee.
"That bed looks so nice..." Vera thought. "...no memories of gross things on it, at least."
"My dad's no macho man, but like, even he wouldn't let me take over the garage like this... then again I was too chicken to stay in the basement... I said it was because I was cold but...err sorry." Vera mumbled and sat on the tacky but still inviting sofa. She could feel herself sink and a wave of nostalgia set in.
The girl walked to her conveniently half full coffee pot, pouring some into a kitschy retro Star Wars cup.
"Cream?" She asked keeping an eye on Vera as she walked toward a mini fridge to pull out a bottle of expensive creamer.
"Uh, I'm not sure if I should even have the coffee - I'm going on record sleeplessness." Vera scowled looking at the coffee table.
"At this point, if you did sleep, the caffeine would have little effect anyways" She said dismissively pouring in the cream and then approaching Vera with the mug. "So are you going to tell me what’s up?"
"You know," Vera took the cup and clutched it in both hands, looking like a tired old lady. "I'm not sure... I needed to see someone, anyone, it sounds pretty stupid, but I keep... wondering if anyone is alive out there."
Vera took a sip. "Not that I'm trying to sound like that, but everything outside of my head feels unreal and -- how did you get the scar, Ki?"
Kiara was the girl's name. It was kind of silly -- Vera remembers having nicknames with her but she still didn't have one with her new friends. They called each other 'Ki and Vee' which grossly reminded her, now, of her little cousin and her girlfriend who call each other 'Ree and Vee'. Yikes. At least it wasn't 'Alaska'.
"I remember the last time we hung out." The girl planted herself on an egg-shaped chair. "Maybe like 3 weeks after that I uh... tried cooking something and I didn't do it so great."
Vera imagined something so much direr than a Julia Roberts-esque accident so the information caused a lone snicker to escape her lips which she suppressed immediately.
"Dumb, huh?" Kiara rolled her eyes; picking up the guitar next to her and strumming it unconsciously. "Now I look like a sci-fi movie villain or something."
As much as Vera wasn't attracted to girls, the fact that guitars were so associated with Hunter for her now made her heart skip a beat when she saw her old friend start playing. She remained in her defensive position; legs closed and hands scooped around the sides of her cup.
"So... last I heard your cousin moved in and you were dating some Senior citizen." Kiara broke through the awkward silence of her joke not hitting any marks.
"High. School. Senior." Vera muttered; the idea of her first boyfriend being a 65-year-old dude now forever implanted in her brain. "And ugh -- Viola -- seriously she drives me up the wall and, also, Adam was..."
She trailed off remembering Adam, her first boyfriend, physically shoving her away. They hadn’t been a couple at all. In truth, he fucked her, and she kept trying to hang around him. Suddenly she felt amazingly dumb at how her first relationship went.
"It's fine, Vera." Kiara said; clearly breaking the cloud of memories. "and you haven't seen me at school because of the scar. I uh... I just can't."
"That's sad. I miss you at school." Vera nodded. "I don't really have that many friends but... I think you would really lik--"
Kiara furiously shook her head. "Now's not the time. Seriously are YOU okay?"
"Why do you keep asking? I can't look that bad, do I?" Vera took another slurp.
"You really do, like I don't want to come out and say it... but you look like you just got dropped off by your boyfr-"
"Nope!" Vera interrupted; breaking a volume level she hadn't throughout this entire conversation. "I hate men. I haven't seen anyone in months, so if you think I just staggered in from some guy's house you're wrong. This is just your everyday run of the mill schizophrenia. That and I missed my friend."
"That's sweet but I'm still pretty doubtful on the last part." Kiara snickered.
"I could leave if you like." Vera whimpered; afraid that the timidity might sound in her voice.
"No, I would rather you stay, you look like you're in no condition for the walk home" Kiara nodded matter-of-factly. "Plus, I also don't believe you're done with guys."
"I'm sorry." Vera mumbled feeling her stupid off-colored eyes watering. "I'm a real jerk for not listening to you back then."
"Well yeah, but that's the past and it's okay." Kiara stuck her tongue out playfully. "Ancient history. Back when I was gorgeous and you were a tiny little thing always wearing your dad's sweater to school."
"D-did people actually think that was my dad's sweater?" Vera's eyes widened with horror.
"Probably not but I thought it was pretty funny." Kiara lifted her eyebrow after a slight pause. "Also, you didn't say anything when I said 'back when I was still beautiful'."
"Oh... well... I think the... t-the scar is cool." the fear on Vera's face was so prevalent it wasn't even funny.
"Half of my mouth looks like a topographical map of Afghanistan, you don't need to baby my emotions." Kiara sighed. "I'm not you, after all."
"No! No!" Vera desperately pleaded. "You ARE pretty! Even with the scar! Really!"
Kiara laughed loudly as she dropped the guitar on her lap and played around with her long bunny ears. "If that's the case, maybe we could lez out then. No way I'm getting anyone else with this face."
"Oh." Vera physically stopped as that old familiar feeling of their quiet lunchtime banter returned to her. "So that's the only reason you let me into your house, huh? I see how it is."
"Well no, girls are gross." Kiara stuck her tongue out again. "I have a boyfriend, you know."
Vera's ears perked up, as they so rarely did, at the news. "Holy crap, serio--" she stopped herself; realizing her refusal to believe it proved Kiara's point about the whole 'undateable scarface' thing.
"Yeah." Kiara smiled fondly as she pulled out her phone and tapped through her picture gallery. "Check him out."
Vera, in the back of her mind, was hoping the guy looked like some fat, pudgy gross creature with drool perpetually escaping his mouth but she was practically devastated to see a muscle-bound, huge tiger guy that she would have killed for if this was just a few months ago.
"His name is Jamie." she pulled the phone back. "And, before you ask, he loves me for me and not my body. We've been going out for a long time and we're both saving ourselves for marriage."
"That guy...?" Vera was stunned. "You're not like... his 13th girlfriend this month?"
"You know," Kiara laughed, "Vera. Guys can be virgins too -- even if they're super-hot."
"That's unbelie--" Vera felt this strong wave of... something wash over her as she felt her thoughts come to a screeching halt. She was left blank-faced as the only image that came to her mind was Hunter and his goofy smile. "...huh."
"What's up?" Kiara leaned in; concerned at Vera's complete pause.
"It's... I guess it never really dawned on me." Vera muttered.
"Hmm?" Kiara sneered a bit. "Wait, if you're about to come out to me or something... now's not the best time since I literally just showed you my boyfriend."
"No, no. It-- what?"
"Nothing! Just -- what were you saying?" Kiara waved her hand dismissively.
"Well... I guess it just never dawned on me..." Vera sighed. "...you know, the thought of just being so incredibly unlucky with guys. At some point, I just kind of assumed they were all the same, you know?"
"There are guys out there who feel the same way, you know." Kiara nodded.
"Yeah but... I know this guy and he's..." Vera paused again.
Kiara raised an eyebrow. "You got a picture of him? I'm pretty good at judging people's characters by the way they look, you know." it was obvious she was referring to Vera's first boyfriend all of that time ago.
Vera reached into her pockets and realized that, yeah, she forgot her phone. She kept forgetting that she left it back home for some reason. "Ah, crap. I forgot it."
"Wow, you really are tired."
"THAT'S LITERALLY THE SECOND TIME I'VE HEARD THAT TODAY, FUCK!" Vera covered her face. "IT'S ONLY 6!"
"Because you look like death, girl!" Kiara laughed as she patted Vera's head almost condescendingly. "Ok, what's his name?"
"Hunter White." Vera couldn't even say his name without turning red in the face -- that was a sign of something if Kiara had ever seen it.
"Hunter?!" Kiara leaned in; shocked. Vera's recoiled in terror at the sudden response. "Holy shit! Oh my God that's fucking amazing!" she started bouncing in her seat as Vera looked on in confused awe.
"W-what...?"
"He's the white-furred dog-kid who can't speak good, right?" she looked up at nothing with a thumb to her chin. "I used to see him all the time in middle school. Funny thing, Vera, I always asked if you wanted to meet him but you always turned me down."
"You. Did. NOT!" even the thought of having the opportunity to meet Hunter before all of this killed her. "No fucking way!"
"Yeah, way!" Kiara snickered. "Unlucky you, huh?"
"No fucking way!" Vera repeated. "You were going through your 'all men are pigs' lesbian stage or whatever! All you ever did was bitch about misogynists and the patriarchy!" (Like Zara, it seems.)
"True, true." Kiara cringed at the thought of someone remembering the shit she used to do. "But that doesn't change the fact that I didn't mind Hunter. He was more of a girl either way. We went to guitar class after school and he was the only 7th grader there, it was adorable and all the 8th grader girls picked on him in the most loving ways."
Vera found herself frowning at the thought of Hunter getting all that attention back then. "So... you actually did want me to meet him then?"
"I mean, probably not." Kiara flipped her hand and Vera incoherently growled in protest; a mountain of emotions being dropped from her shoulders at that very moment. "I did know him though, that's the point. If you have a crush on him now, then I'd say..." she overenthusiastically shot her thumb-up out at Vera. "...gooooo for it! Even if you'd technically be a cradle robber."
"HE'S ONLY ONE YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME!" Vera cleared her throat after her outburst and regained her composure. "So. You don't want to sleep with me then?"
"Where the fuck did that come from?" Kiara laughed. "No. I have a boyfriend. And you have a crush on Hunter."
"I mean..." Vera rolled her eyes and looked off somewhere else. "...you got a sticker up there that says 'I eat pussy for politics' so, like, whatevs Lezbo."
"Youuuuuuuu." Kiara looked up at the sticker and sighed; extending her arms to make notice of the entire wall of stickers. "Fuck you. That doesn't count. I got a sticker up there that says 'You can't hug your children with Nuclear Arms' and 'Nuke the Whales' right next to it!"
"Wow." Vera remarked sarcastically. "What a dork." she stopped, once again, and looked towards the floor with somewhat of a pathetic face.
"What's up now...?" Kiara asked.
"I... huh." Vera sighed; wondering how obvious what she was about to say was. "I guess I really do love Hunter."
"'Love' is a strong word if you're not even going out yet." Kiara pointed out with her casual 'finger in the air' shit.
"Shut up, you know what I mean." Vera recoiled at the thought; her inner mind calling herself a hypocrite and a liar for turning back on the pledge she made to herself that she was completely done with boys. It felt like the literal moment she made that pledge to herself was the moment Hunter came into her life.
It was almost unfair.
~~
Vera was surprised when an hour had passed of them just catching up with each other’s lives. Very mundane things mostly and a lot of Vera bitching about Viola and her gross lesbian antics with Kiara very sarcastically browbeating her about it.
Vera was surprised that she had found her appetite again. This morning was shaping into a real ugly mess after she saw Titus-what's-his-face but, getting a chance to revisit Kiara which led them to get food and spend yet another hour of them talking in a booth at the restaurant, it turned into a very mentally healing morning.
Upon leaving the restaurant with plans to part ways, Vera decided to ask two last questions to her old friend -- the first being: "Can we do this again some time?"
"Pfft, duh." was Kiara's sophisticated response as she shifted her hoodie on. "Of course we can. I think it'd be great. Maybe a double date? Wink wink wink."
Vera snickered at the thought. Hunter, Kiara, herself and studdlymcbuffman on a double date. Still, it comforted her.
"What was your other question, Vera?" Kiara asked.
"So... what should I do?" Vera sincerely queried. "I've honestly never been any good at this and... well... you obviously are."
"Hmmm." Kiara shifted her eyes almost suspiciously. "I got a secret for you. This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna not be so reclusive. There."
"...that's it?"
"Ask him or your friends to do things with you. You so rarely did it with me." Kiara nodded. "So I figure you're still doing that kind of thing. Be more assertive... like... make it obvious what you want and things will be way easier for you."
"Make it... obvious... huh?" Vera contemplated it. "I'll... try."
There was a long moment of contemplative silence between the two girls as they stood outside of the restaurant; neither one particularly wanting to say goodbye. A couple of cars passed them by as they waited and, surprisingly, Vera was the one to break the silence.
"I uh... guess I'll see you soon?" she murmured pensively as she held her hands close to her chest.
"Yeah, yeah that'd be great." Kiara hid her hands behind her back and tiptoed apprehensively.
There was another small moment of silence between them when they heard the ever-growing sound of an ill-managed bike approaching them. "Outta the way, dykes." a girl who couldn't be any older than 10 blurted out; obviously in a pissy mood.
Considering the amount of crap they had been giving each other with their lesbian jokes, Vera and Kiara couldn't help but feel that this was some sort of perfectly stupid ending to their first time seeing each other in such a long time.
They exploded in laughter.
~~
When Vera returned home, she wasn't surprised to see the empty parking lot. Of course, her parents weren't home -- they never were. She passed through the kitchen and saw her younger cousin, Viola, sitting on the counter with her legs dangling off the front; kicking them back and forth as she ate from a comedically large bowl of cereal which boasted a width larger than her.
"Hola." Viola smiled from ear to ear with small sprinkles of sugar dust around her cheeks. She was chipper as usual.
"Hey." Vera passed through; grabbing some soy milk from the fridge. "How long have you been up?" she wasn't fully invested as she poured the milk for herself.
"I'm sad." Viola bluntly stated.
Vera was mildly surprised. "I wouldn't have guessed with all that crud all over your face. You look like you ate your cereal prize or something."
"Ree didn't come last night and I'm worried, mi prima." Viola muttered as she stared into the cereal bowl which, Vera just noticed, was dry.
With a petulant sigh, Vera took the milk she had and poured it into Viola's bowl. "So you didn't sleep at all then?"
Viola defeatedly shook her head with a crestfallen sigh. "Could... you say something to make me feel better?" she sounded like she was having difficulty with putting the words together. Vera was aware that she made it clear to Viola that the spouts of Spanglish were quite obnoxious so it seemed that her little cousin was trying to dial it back.
"She has a life. I'm sure it's no biggie." Vera bluntly stated as she returned the milk to the fridge and, as she turned to see how Viola processed that info, she saw that it... made her feel worse. Ah, jeez.
"Hey, it's okay you know." Vera took a tone that Viola so rarely heard -- it was something like... actually caring. Though, to Vera's credit, she tried to maintain a very cool and nonchalant body language. "Ree..." she felt kind of gross saying the name. "...probably just got caught up doing something else? Doesn't she have a phone or something? Plus, she doesn't come every night -- right? Why would this be any different?"
"Reeree doesn't have a phone," Viola sniffled. "And she does come every night."
Vera could feel herself cringe at the thought of that dog girl intruding into their house every single night... but not nearly as cringeworthy as the sex joke of 'coming every night' flashed through her mind. "Well... uh..." Vera choked on her words. "...sometimes you need to be patient with people?" she doled out the advice unconsciously. "You don't know what's going on with her so... uh... all you really can do is wait and, when she does come back, just be the same as you always are and it'll make everything better. Right?" it was almost as if she were asking herself if that made sense or not.
"Is that what you do with Cazador?" Viola asked.
"You... can stop calling him that." Vera snickered. "The Spanish word for 'Hunter' is not the same as the name. That's like if he started calling you Violin. That'd annoy you, right?"
Viola nodded furiously. "Uh huh! Uh huh! It would... but I'm sorry." Viola sighed. "I can't help it."
"I know, it's fine," Vera cleared her throat. "And to answer your earlier question... uuh... I guess I do." once again, it felt really weird for her to sort of confess her love. It was the second time today, really -- though the first time was much more blatant.
However, the moment those words left her mouth, she had a nightmarish image of seeing Hunter come over and having Viola immediately butt in and blab something like 'MI PRIMA ADORES YOUUUU, YOU TWO SHOULD GO OUT!'
Vera shook her head to get the image out. "Keep it to yourself though, little pupper."
"But I thought Ca-- I mean... but I thought 'Huntar' was your boyfriend already." Viola leaned in from the counter. "Is he not?"
"Not... yet?" Vera felt cocky saying it like that. What the fuck made her think he liked her too? Besides... how sweet he is to her. Uugh. It was still uncertain. It is cold in Alaska, after all.
"...huh." Viola paused and looked off somewhere else.
Vera clapped her hands together and put on a sort of peppy tone that didn't much flatter her. "How about this! We can watch some crap in the living room and after that I'll take a shower and you can go to bed."
"Ooooh," Viola covered her mouth and her golden cyclops eye lit up. "Mi prima cursed."
"Whaaaateeeeverrrrr. You wanna?" Vera scoffed; almost regretting trying to be so nice to her little cousin.
"B-but..." Viola started.
"And if your weird girlfriend comes in, I'll wake you up..." Vera thought about that for a second. "...though she comes in through your window so I'm sure you'll know. Whatever."
"Well... okay then! We can watch TV then. I think that'd be... fun." she wasn't hesitant; her brain just kept trying to revert to Spanish whenever it could.
~~
"Hey Hunter ;v;" Vera stood in her bathroom; phone in hand with her thighs pressed against the counter as she cynically judged the shape of her nude body in the mirror. Despite how luxurious her house was -- one of the misfortunes was that the water took so damn long to heat up so she had plenty of time to gawk at, what she considered to be, quite an eggplant shaped body. That means 'bad'.
Her plan was already mentally accounted for which called for the swimwear on the edge of the bathtub but she was having a really hard time continuing the rest of the text to Hunter. By this time, it was already 1pm and at least Hunter was most likely up and about but now she was worried that, instead of bothering him, he was already doing something.
"u wanna come over to my place later on tonight? and could u ask everyone else if they wanna join too; w ; or something?" she finished the text; specifically thinking about what Kiara told her about not alienating people and being more social and blahblah. It seemed like a good move to invite everyone instead of just Hunter... even if she'd really like it if it was just Hunter.
She listened to the water roar for a bit as she struck a few poses in the mirror; in reality, a relatively thin and average teenage body but, in her mind, she had a gross slob of a monster physique.
One of the disadvantages with being a coyote was that she always seemed to find spots of patchy and matted fur -- specifically around her elbows, shoulders and knees. Her tail was a fucking disaster no matter how she looked at it, but, she felt like it'd be stupid to cut off the blob of fur on it because she was afraid it would look even weirder as a normal sized coyote tail.
There was also the issue with her thick black hair constantly trying to reveal itself from under her purple dye. It was probably a Spanish thing... since Viola had that problem too. Or at least, that's how she looked at it. Viola, however, obviously thrived on the thick hair and turned it into what looked to be a swirling hammer ponytail braid or some shit but... as much as it weirded her out... Viola didn't look half bad. If only she could take off that damn beanie more than once in a blue moon.
The point, Vera guessed, was... Viola looked good. She looked like a Mex-I-can... while Vera thought of herself as a Mex-I-can't... oh, her phone was buzzing.
"Oh ;w;" that was a bad start to Hunter's text. It made Vera's heart sink. "I'm... actually hanging out with Lana later on tonight. I'm really sorry. Zaily's in the hospital again and Lana's sad and... I'm sorry."
Saddened and disheartened, Vera set down her phone on the counter and looked back up at herself; watching as a curly locke of hair drooped over her face. She remembered what Titus and Kiara said about her eyes... yikes, they really did look bad right now.
"I think you're really pretty," a disembodied male voice rung through her subconscious. "Think we can do it in your shower? Your parents won't be back anytime soon, right?"
Uugh. Vera squeezed at her temples and shut her eyes tightly. "We don't have to... but y'know. I think it'd be nice to just 'cuddle' together in the shower. Cuz I love you, babe."
"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!" Vera heard herself shouting physically. In her memory, however, she was timid and shy and nodded with a slight smile and full-faced blush.
"Oooooooh!" Vera heard Viola calling from her own bedroom. "Prima Vera cursed again!"
"Go to beeeeeeeeeed!" Vera called back; embarrassed at her random outbreak.
She stared at her phone on the counter with half-lit eyes; trying to build up a good response to him... maybe just retract her invitation in a way that wasn't completely embarrassing but... Kiara's advice kept sticking with her. She DID have a good boyfriend afterall... at least she assumed... really, it was the vivid picture of herself at 13 in her shower with a guy much older than her that was irking her so much.
Vera hated that 'cuddling' equated to a dick in her tailhole. As another image of it reared its ugly head in her mind, specifically of herself just shutting her eyes tightly and hearing gross grunting noises behind her, she reached for the phone apprehensively as if she were expecting it to burn her.
Through the spike of jealously, Vera typed feverishly: "Maybe Lana could come too? If she wants... I just want you guys to hang out with me tonight. It'll be fun ; u ; please?"
She took a few staggering steps towards the bathtub; feeling ill. Watching the steam steadily rise, she was terrified at what Hunter's response would be. They were so overexaggerated in her head like... she would get a text from him saying something like "Sorry Vera, I'm in the middle of nailing Lana suuuuper hard right now =w=" or something like that.
Vera physically didn't think she'd survive tonight without him, without them, without anybody. It felt like Viola wasn't enough -- Viola wouldn't understand, after all. She was too young and too chipper.
These memories were murdering her very slowly.
"Lana wants to know what you want to do tonight :o" Hunter texted back. "It can't be anything sad cuz Lana's already kinda sad, you know?"
Vera smiled at the absurdness of Hunter's text. Did he think she was going to call them over to watch a snuff film? It made her laugh a bit. "I just wanna hang out! you guys should bring your swim stuff too cuz we can swim or just soak in my spa and stuff ^^"
"Oooh, that does sound pretty fun!" Hunter texted his response. "what time? and whatre you doing now?"
"I dunno like 7 or 8 or somethin? and im about to take a bath ^^" there was something about typing that without thinking too much about it. That is, about her planning on taking a bath. She was texting him while being nude... it felt like she was unconsciously flirting with him.
"oh! ; // ; why are you texting me then?!" was Hunter's response.
"What? I can't text while being naked?" Vera stuck her tongue out at nobody as she typed. "What do you care anyways? You're with Lanaaaaaaa~"
"She's not naked =3=" Hunter text and immediately followed it with another message: "Not that I want her to be tho OwO"
"uh huh <3 so you gonna ask everyone else?" Vera stared at the rising steam from her bath; very silently thanking it for giving her something fun to talk about.
"well, playing castlevania right now with Lana ~w~ why dont you ask them? you have their numbers, right? you know how I feel about texting Z =3="
"pfffft. cant do me a favor or anything? TwT" she was about to press send when a possibly retarded idea popped into her mind. "i dunno i could give you something in return if you do OvO"
She set her phone down; too excited as to how he'd respond to that while she unconsciously dunked only her head into the water. Vera just wanted her hair wet.
"whaa? you dont need to buy me anything OwO ill text ppl, its cool" Hunter texted back.
With her hair dripping wet and pouring down her shoulders and face, she quickly took a picture from the shoulders up while getting as much of her cleavage into the shot as possible without it just being a straight-up boob picture.
She sent it to him without saying anything.
The reality of what she just did dawned on her moments after sending it and, in response to herself, she bounced up and down while fanning herself with her hands. "Ahhh! I can't believe I almost took a boob pic for him!" she giddily squealed to herself before sinking into the bathtub.
Vera felt like her heart almost exploded when she heard her phone go off several minutes later. She grabbed at it like a madwoman; consumed by curiosity to see how he responded.
"your hair is really cute Vera <33 it looks so different when its wet. tho, did part of the picture get cut off or am i just dumb?"
Vera's eyes lit up at that last part. She was so enthralled by his innocence -- so proud of her 'big boy'. She hugged her phone to her chest and shifted side to side with giddiness. "He's sooo cuuuuuute!" she squealed, put her phone back on the counter, and completely immersed herself into the tub -- feeling so much better about herself.
~~
Sinking deep into the couch, Vera was content to listen to her friends with a coy smile pursed on her lips. Despite feeling terribly weak and tired, she had not been plagued with any particularly nasty memories. She drifted aimlessly; listening to Zara who was sprawled on the living room floor beside Kas. She was blabbering on and on about some social injustice that only the 'enlightened' like her can rectify. She watched as Kas powered through an extra large big-glug soda and two bags of gummy worms while he seemed unimpressed by Zara's tirade about... whatever. Vera was reaching to even make it cohesive but, apparently, Zara was talking about how gay people are more intellectual and logical than straight people... or something.
Vera glanced to the love (grr) seat, Where Lana sat with Hunter with her hands tucked between her knees and her large mouse ears low. Hunter had warned Vera that Lana was down, but in a strange way, Vera felt so much empathy that she (almost) wanted to be alone with Lana just to help her... (almost). Meanwhile, Hunter sat rigidly at the edge of the seat with his eyes locked on Zara's mouth as he looked bewildered and confused.
"B-b-but... th-there is n-no reason f-f-" Vera always found Hunter's stutter remarkably cute even if he looked frustrated and urgent. "w-ah-why would a homo s-sexual gene be a dominant and su-superior?" He looked flustered and that made his wonderful voice seem to come out more difficult.
Vera turned to look over at Zara; suddenly interested in whatever reasoning she'd throw out there.
"I believe," she postulated loudly. "That in losing your genetic dilation to procreation--"
"Disposition?" Lana spoke softly with a half smirk. Even while depressed, she seemed to enjoy getting a smug one-up on Zara.
"Well, your pussy does plenty of dilation too during birth," Match. Point: Zara. It wasn't that Zara was good at winning these arguments it was that none of them wanted to have.... that kind of a talk.
"As I was saying, to compensate the genetic "dis-po-sition" to procreate, the body advances itself physically and mentally." The opossum folded her arm with a content smile.
"What about Kas then?" Vera said, realizing in that moment she hadn't spoken for a solid half hour... she might have even slept briefly.
"Wha 'bout me?" Kas said innocently cheeks stuffed with soda and gummies.
"Kas, I love you, but I could probably beat you up and you seem to be barely passing your classes... that's not 'advanced genetics'." Vera said, feeling it was her civic duty to stand up for Lana (even if she did have the better seat).
"You're not wrooooong." Kas scratched his meticulously unkempt hair. His mascara and borderline girl's clothes made him look resemble more of an anime character than a person." I am weak and stupid... I mean I'm also like ... maybe... 4 times hotter than you are... but.... Beauty before Emu." Kas gestured with long, flamboyant arm waves.
"Emo." Vera corrected. "And I prefer 'alternative goth chick', or shall I ask Z to start preaching my own oppressed status?"
"Sorry, Alaska." Zara shook her head; tossing her golden bangs side to side. "I can't defend a Mexican... your type is certified indefensible."
"Fuck you, how the fuck is being a Mexican coyote even slightly indefensible?!" She feigned an insulted gasp and turned to Hunter who shyly recoiled being nearly nose to nose with her from where they sat."Hunter, mi amigo, ayuda me por favor."
"a-a- uh- mm-m--" He looked like a malfunctioning robot as he stammered. "Z-Z? Vera is r-right. It's n-not cool to ma-make fun of nationality o-o-or r-ra-race."
Even with his stammering so bad, everyone but Hunter suddenly erupted into laughter at his particularly lame attempt to white knight which sounded less like a hero and more like a cheesy PSA. Even the unflappable Lana began to giggle into her palm which was far quainter and lady-like than Vera had seen from her.
"So," Vera huffed quietly; wiping a joyous tear from her cheek. "Can we carry on our deep, meaningful conversation in the hot tub or what? Seriously, I don't want to risk waking up Viola. Poor kid has been up.... for a while."
Vera quietly hoped no one had made this observation about her yet -- seeing as how almost everyone she ran into today mentioned her sleepless eyes.
"Whoa, what's up with the little cutie?" Kas asked as he sat up from the floor. "Is she sick or something?"
"Nah, she's just... waiting for something." Vera responded; putting Kas' worry at ease.
"I would actually really like soaking in some hot water." Lana said; catching everyone off guard. Each of their faces were innocently puzzled.
Zara recovered first.
"Someone antsy?" Zara teased as she moved her voluptuous body left and right. "Cuz if you wanted to see me in a bikini, you only had to ask."
"Fuckin' gag me till I hurl, I don't want to see your gross body, Z. With your fake-ass tits, I just want to--"
"My tits are all natural." Zara said with deadpan seriousness as she gripped them tightly and bounced them around manually. Even Vera cringed at the accusation but understood it came from a place of trouble. Vera had a similar trouble with her slightly growing B-cup... but her plight not quite as bad as Lana's.
"Fine, whatever, I'm sure your floppy boobs were 'hard-earned', but I still don't want to see them!" Lana growled from behind gritted teeth.
"Ever?" Zara said with a faux-disappointment when Hunter held out his hands between the two.
"C-can w-we go a whole night without t-t-talking- about boobs!" he said in entire sincerity. Zara scoffed at him as if he were a child but Vera couldn't help but be enchanted by his purity.
"Are you sure you're not gay?" Kas giggled, peering over Zara's shoulder at Hunter as he reached over and took a breast in each hand. "Even I like Zara's boobs. What the heck does that make you?"
"N-No! B-b-but I re-re-respect women's privates... that's a-a-all" Hunter stuttered again; oblivious.
"I think that's really sweet." Vera said; feeling Kiara pushing her to be more outgoing. It was as if the bunny girl were in the room with her just shout-whispering "SAY. SOME. SHIT."
"Fascism!" Zara scoffed standing up. "I'm about to go full protest on your house, Vera."
"Please don't." Vera laughed rolling her eyes. "The last thing I need is a pic online of you walking around with your boobs out... I'm pretty sure that's considered pornographic for a lesbian." She stopped and turned to Lana. "Right, Lana?"
The mouse suddenly cracked the goofiest smile. "Okay, that was pretty good."
"...I don't g-get it..." Hunter muttered to himself.
"You two should get a room if you're going to slam slits, or at least let me in." Zara cut in, looking envious of the fact that Vera got approval for a burn. "Actually, I'm sorry. I meant to say 'slam chests'."
Lana let out a sigh. "Z, Vera isn't my type, I don't like alternative goth chicks. I only like 'emus'. Also, fuck you."
They broke into more giggling and even clueless Hunter started to join in the laughter... though it might've just been because he heard everyone else laughing.
"Just... leave your clothes on, Z" Lana added.
"I'm a paragon of honesty and integrity," Zara went into a sort of cub scouts pose or something with an odd salute. "My swimsuit will not malfunction at all."
"There's a 10 year old upstairs, Zara." Vera scoffed. "Listen to Lana."
"What the hell kind of argument is that?" Zara crossed her arms. "Lil' Viola is being coddled if you ask me. She needs to see shit for herself."
"She has brain damage." Vera crossed her arms as well as if trying to mock Zara.
"Oh. EITHER FUCKIN' WAY--!" Zara nearly roared and everyone, collectively, shot their fingers to their lips in an attempt to shush her.