[center][b]Meowth And Mudkips[/b][/center]

[center]By Kaydrien Iceclaw[/center]



Late-night television is… weird.  It’s difficult to convey just [i]how[/i] weird to anyone who hasn’t endured many sleepless nights. The TV programming in Hoenn is no exception.

“Do you like mudkips?” The aggressively smiling man in the unsettling suit demands through the screen. “No, better question: Do you [i]love[/i] mudkips?”

Frighteningly cute artistic renderings of the mud fish drift across the screen to obscure the dreary background in layers and layers of smiling animated stickers. Sadly, the frighteningly enthusiastic human is still in the foreground.

“Of course you do! Everyone looooooves mudkips! That sleek blue skin! Those charming orange cheeks! These elegant fins! Now you at home are thinking ‘Oh! If only I could have a pokemon of such magnificence!’ That is goooood thinking, my friends! And I, Rebate Rob, trustworthy pokemon dealer, am here to help! Let me tell you more about why you should give me money!”

As the chipper monologue continues, a photograph of each of these features slides into place on the background. The speaker wobbles forward to fill the entire screen with his mustachioed face for an instant before he’s replaced by rolling video of mudkips.

“At just under half a meter tall at the fin and seven and a half kilos, these charming little pokemon are ready and raring to be helpful around the house too! They can clean windows, water lawns, put out fires, and are even strong enough to clear out inconvenient rocks!”

The spokesman jumps out of the bottom edge of the screen, holding a little mudkip in his hands. He lifts it forward into view until it takes up most of the screen, wobbling it slightly. It looks confused. Or possibly concussed. Or maybe it just can’t believe the guy holding it is a real person instead of some sort of demented hallucination from the land of the used car salesmen. That last one seems most likely.

“And there’s more! Just like any of the psychotic little murder machines we call pokemon, mudkips are perfectly happy to beat the crap out of other pokemon, home intruders, rude customers and [i]anyone[/i] else you think has it coming! Battle your friends’ pokemon and make them feel like heels for hurting such an adorable little creature!”

The mudkip disappears to the side. Hopefully it didn’t just get yeeted by the manically smiling man who’s back in picture. He lifts a hand and whispers conspiratorially.

“But let’s say you don’t just love mudkips, you really [i]love[/i] mudkips, eh?” Rebate Rob gives an exaggerated wink. “Who doesn’t? What if I told you our mudkips would just [i]love[/i] you too?”

Picture-in-picture of mudkips slide into each quarter of the screen. The background music takes a key change into something better suited for porn vids. Which… is appropriate for what the mudkips are doing. It’s safe to say lopunnies and salazzles are better associated with some of those things. Especially the poledancing, although the ‘kip in question is doing shockingly well with their stubby limbs.

“These mudkips want nothing more than to do [i]e v e r y t h i n g[/i] to help you relax! They know every position in the poke sutra and then some, and they want to try out every single one with you! Yes, you! You AND any other pokemon you might already have hanging around! My lawyer assures me it’s [sub]probably[/sub] completely [sub]technically[/sub] legal to get freaky with these lovely little beauties! Sex and species are no object to our mudkip friends!”

Rebate Rob returns to the screen. The dainty background jingle returns to something a little less suggestive.

“All that, and with love and care they can evolve too to tackle bigger jobs [sub]and partners[/sub] as marshtomp or even swampert! But why would you want to do that! We like mudkips! Who doesn’t like mudkips? Losers don’t like mudkips!”

He jams a finger into the camera, still wearing the increasingly eerie smile.

“Don’t be a loser! Come buy mudkips from me in the suspicious alley behind market square! I got big mudkips, small mudkips, feisty mudkips, sweet mudkips! Rebate Rob has the best prices you’ll find anywhere! But you better buy fast folks, because everyone likes mudkips and even the crazy shiny-breeder I got them from didn’t have infinitely bad luck! Come buy mudkips today!”

And with that, the commercial was over. Replaced by something much less surreal. Meowth, sitting in the chair where he’d rearranged the TV for easy viewing while Jessie and James got their boring monophasic sleep cycle over with, had one question uppermost in his mind.

“Da flip did I just watch?”

The feline rubbed at his eyes as if the bizarre infomercial could have been a piece of grit. Had he just imagined that? 

An advertisement for implausibly sharp kitchen knives came and went while the felonious feline tried to sort it out in his head. In the end, when it came right down to it, Meowth found it [i]marginally[/i] more unbelievable that something that crazy could come out of his head than that it had come in through his eyeballs. Which would mean, if it wasn’t some bizarre prank, that this Rob guy was selling mudkips no more than a few city blocks away. Partially as sex pets.

“What’s da woild coming to?” He shook his head, marveling at the nuttiness of the universe around him. Sure, things happened between pokemon and humans- happened a lot more than anyone brought up in polite company- anyone on the human end at least, since pokemon were pretty used to the idea of shacking up with someone a little different than them- but- 

Meowth lost his train of thought a bit. Well, in any case, he would have figured that (this) television channel would count as ‘polite human society’ even at this hour. He felt he should be offended but couldn’t quite pinpoint why.

The cat shrugged it off; he probably just hung around humans too much. Wasn’t like he hadn’t snuck some glances at the naughty magazines James had hidden away. Human ladies could be just fine. But in Meowth’s book you couldn’t top some prime pussycat.

His thoughts drifted. It had been a while since Meowth had gotten any attention of the female variety. Crimes to do, stuff to steal, that sort of thing. And of course Jessie and James couldn’t be left unsupervised. His humans would get into so much trouble without him. 

Lucky for them he was a responsible cat. And didn’t do things like, for example, wander off after that sweet little skitty who’d been making eyes at him yesterday. Hot dang if that tail wouldn’t have been worth it. Shame.

Without quite thinking about it he was rubbing at his stirring sheath, glancing over at the hotel beds to make sure the other two thirds of the team were still fast asleep. Out like snorlax at a pillow convention. He could have some personal time.

Meowth relaxed to dream up some of his favorite memories. Scantily clad delcatty, glameow, and luxio danced through his imagination. (Scantily clad because, while humans were mostly idiots, they had the rare good idea to justify their existence. Meowth just happened to think that lacy underwear on a pretty female was one of them.)

His focus fuzzed as he pawed at his raging kitty-boner, letting a few others through to join the cavalcade. Growlithe presenting. Sneasel shaking those tails. Mudkip working a pole.

He started out of his masturbatory trance, choking down a surprised yowl. That was not a part of his normal routine. That was from a couple minutes ago.

Meowth wiped off his pre-slickened paw on a leftover napkin that came with their last round of takeout, face screwed up in disappointment. Why’d he have to remember that just then? Water-types weren’t his type. And simple association with Rebate Rob’s utterly non-sexual… eagerness… was easily enough to throw him off. That commercial was not a turn-on.

…Mostly not a turn-on. [i]Most of it[/i] was not a turn-on. But that particular mudkip stuck in his mind.

He shook the thought aside, and hopped down. The criminal kitty slipped himself into the plush travel cat-bed he’d scored a few weeks back. Now was a good time to catch his own ‘Z’s. 

But the thought of that mudkip spinning with her- his? No, definitely her, the one time with purrloin was a fluke, and anyway there would definitely have been more pink showing- spinning around the pole with her slit pressed right up to the metal column came creeping back. That wet cleft could be wrapped around something else. Something more… meowth-shaped.

Meowth sat back up in his bed, rubbing at his head.

“I must be losing my marbles.” Grumbled the pokemon, checking the time. It was late. But not so late that he couldn’t slip out for a trip and be back well before morning.

Minutes later, a very small figure in a trench coat and trilby hat shuffled out of the hotel lobby onto the sidewalks of Slateport city. There was little traffic at this time of night. Only three humans crossed the diminutive walker’s path, and one poochyena. The poochyena paused twenty feet after passing them, sniffed, looked back, and shook itself as if dismissing a silly idea. Or rather, as if dismissing a scent cue that made no sense.

Meowth didn’t look back at the canine. He was busy adjusting the rest of his human disguise, a pair of glasses. Eyebrows, fake nose, and a false moustache that was doing its best stoutland impression completed the look. 

Sure enough, it wasn’t far to the Slateport market. Nothing in Slateport was that far from the market. Narrowing down which suspicious alley was ‘behind’ the mostly-empty market square took more work. Meowth was almost distracted by the smell of discarded fish down one narrow gap, but the recollection of something much fresher lured him away.

Besides, he was more dignified than that. He could talk his humans into robbing a sushi place later.

When he found the place there was no mistaking it. The garish sign emblazoned ‘Rebate Rob’s Mudkip Sale!’ (and the less tidy afterthought addition of ‘I herd u liek mudkipz’ spraypainted under it) were something of a tip-off. 

“Ooh cripes.” Meowth muttered under his breath, instants before he was accosted by someone he had been fervently hoping didn’t really exist outside of terrible commercials.

“Why HELLO there good sir or madam!” Blared the unearthly salesman as if he was part loudred. He was practically rubbing up against the rim of Meowth’s hat. “May I complement you on your lovely mustache?!?!”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” The disguised pokemon boggled at the human(?) invading his personal space.

“What brings you to my humble establishment on this fine evening!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!”

“It’s morning.” The dazed feline pointed out. Mostly because parts of his brain were starting to shut down in self-defense. He could also have said something about how calling the eye-searing sign and what looked like a cardboard box full of pokeballs an ‘establishment’ was pushing it, but he saw worse blackmarket setups all the time.

“And what a wonderful morning it is! Nice to meet you I’m Rebate Rob!”

Meowth’s hand was being shaken hard enough to rattle his joints. He figured he’d better get to the point pretty darn fast before there could be structural damage.

“I heard yah have mudkips for sale.”

“Boy howdy, DO I!” Thankfully the man swept back to pose with arms outstretched  to indicate his ‘place of business’. Oh Arceus. He had those stickers all over the wall. They seemed to stare out at the world with hellish cheerfulness. And…

…Was the mudkip pattern on his shirt [i]moving?[/i] Or not moving with him? Or… What…?

“I’ve got mudkips for days! BIG MUDKIPS! [sub]Small mudkips![/sub]Happy mudkips! But you won’t find any sad mudkips at Rebate Rob’s, that’s for sure! All kinds of mudkips!” 

Meowth sorted a few broken pieces from the wreckage of his train of thought. “I want a female.”

“You lucky devil, you came to the right place! Right now I’ve got a two for one special, extra horny! 2,000 poke each! IF YOU BUY THREE I’LL EVEN THROW IN-“

Meowth’s functioning brain cells wondered if it was possible to be upsold to death. They decided he didn’t feel like finding out, and made his dryly professional counteroffer. “50 poke and you’ll have one less piece of evidence on ya when the cops staht throwin around woids like ‘dealing without a breedah’s license’ and ‘outright sale of pokemon for sexual poiposes’.” 

Precisely one second of mental calculation ensued.

“SOLD!”

The disguised cat walked out of that alley with a pokemon of his very own, happy to have participated in another crime. And to be away from Rebate Rob. Definitely happy about that too. 

The funny thing was, as far as Meowth knew, nothing he’d personally done in the last five minutes was technically illegal. A bit of a shame, but what could you do. Maybe he’d check over the Hoenn legal code again later, just to brush up. If he was lucky, there was something to add to his rap sheet after all.

About a block away, Meowth stopped. He looked down at the pokeball in his hands.

The uncomfortable realization that there might be some practical difficulties raised its ugly head in the back of Meowth’s hindbrain.

What would Jessie and James think about him having a pokemon?

Well, now he thought about it, they might try to argue with him on principle, but at the end of the day they were [i]Team Rocket[/i]. Breaking rules was what they did! Anyway, last he checked, it wasn’t quite strictly against the law for him, as a pokemon, to be this mudkip’s trainer. 

…In Hoenn, at least.

Which was a good argument for not mentioning it to the humans until next time they were in, for example, Johto. Then they’d have to back him up in his lawbreaking. A perfect plan. And it would give him time to come up with a reason for having it, a less embarrassing reason than the truth. James would definitely tease Meowth for having to buy a hot date, and Jessie would be obliged to be offended as a female. 

He’d just keep the pokeball hidden until then. Shouldn’t be too hard.

A block later, he stopped again. Giddy thoughts about fulfilling his newest and most unexpected fantasy had come around to the realization that he probably couldn’t get acquainted with his new mudkip friend in the hotel room. Not with Jessie and James still there. They weren’t (quite) sound enough sleepers for him to take the risk.

Meowth looked up at the sky. Still some time until morning, when people and pokemon would start to take to Slateport’s streets in greater numbers. And longer than that before Jessie and James stirred from bed.

“Sooooooo…” He said to himself. “Maybe I can find another alley.”

No sooner said than done. Meowth ducked into the first brick canyon that looked to offer reasonable privacy, and hefted the pokeball. And paused for a third time.

Meowth had been thinking like a human again; only now did it occur to him that the mudkip in the ball might have its own ideas.

“Drat.”

All this work, and braving that… person… in the horrible suit, and now he realized the dame might want to be wined and dined first. If it were a female. If there was anything in this pokeball at all. Rebate Rob had not struck him as a reliable wholesaler.

(At no point did it occur to Meowth that there might indeed be a female mudkip, but that she might not be interested in Meowth. As always the cat’s ego was several sizes too big for that sort of consideration.)

“Guess it can’t hurt ta try. I can always go back and give that guy a face full of claws.”

With that, he tossed the ball to the ground. Over the next few seconds, the following proved to be true: It was a real pokeball. There was a pokemon inside. That pokemon [i]was[/i] a mudkip. And, if Meowth’s eyes did not deceive him, she at least looked like a she. 

“Mud… kip?” The new arrival greeted the empty alley in front of her, confused by the absence of a trainer. Meowth’s view of her rear- which was a nice rear, even if it wasn’t a kitty butt- was interrupted when she looked around, spotted him, and trotted up. “Mud!”

“Nice ta meet you too.” He awkwardly patted the head of the water-type who pressed her face up to his front, having to adjust to miss the fin. 

Mudkip paused, sitting and looking up at him.

“Mudkip?”

“[i]How did you see through my human disguise?[/i]” Meowth wailed aghast, clutching his head in disbelief. “I’ve worked fer years to make sure it was [i]poifect[/i]!”

Mudkip tilted her head head, and reasonably pointed out, “Mud-kip.”

“…You got me there, I guess the mustache [i]is[/i] out of style.” Meowth admitted, pulling the glasses off to put them away. “I’ll have to update my look.”

She hopped up on her rear legs, looking the trenchcoated feline over approvingly. “Kip. Mud mud.”

“Why, thanks!” Blushing in gratified chagrin, he rubbed at the back of his neck to give her a little pose. “I [i]am[/i] handsome. Not everyone’s perceptive enough to notice- Wha?”

Finding her face level with the belt of his trenchcoat and nuzzling her way into the fold, he scuttled back a half dozen steps… before he remembered that this was kind of what he was here for. Mudkip looked up at him with a look that could have been disappointment or surprise.

“Not that I’m [i]complainin’.[/i]” Meowth started carefully, trying to sound casually upbeat. Which, on the whole, he was. Not complaining, indeed. “But isn’t that a little forward? Even the Meowthster usually gets to finish his introductions before the dames are all over him.”

“Muh. Ki Kip. Mudkip.” Mudkip took a few steps toward him to close the distance to about where they’d started, and sat. She looked embarrassed. Dipping a head and lifting a foreleg to adjust her headfin in a self-conscious gesture, she didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Mudkipkip mud. Mudkiiiip, pipip. Mudkip mudkip mudkip. Mud.”

“You’re tellin me they put your parents on all kindsa afro-dese-iacs to keep ‘em horny…?”

“Kip.” Confirmed Mudkip.

“And dey used so meowch.” The cat continued, wide-eyed. “Dat you and yous siblings ended up being extra frisky?”

“Kip.” Sighed Mudkip, looking at the ground.

 Meowth lifted his hat to scratch his head. “And people tink [i]we’re[/i] meowssed up in Team Rocket.”

Mudkip brushed one of her forefeet over the ground, awkwardly gathering up the nerve. She closed her eyes and added, “Kip, mudki. Mud… kip.”

Well, what do you say to someone who admits to being [i]that[/i] close with their siblings? Meowth sure as heck didn’t know. He improvised.

“Hey, ain’t no skin off my nose.” He shrugged, summoning nonchalance. “Extenuatin’ soicumstances. And if it’s been that long, that’s kind of what I got you for in the foist....”

Meowth trailed off, realizing that there might be way to put that in a better light. Mudkip was looking at him again though, eyes wide with hope, so no time like the present! He manually brightened his expression and topped up his tone with debonair charm. “I mean, far be it from me to deny a lady what she wants!”

Mudkip chirruped happily and hopped forward, nuzzling against the feline affectionately.

Much happier with the situation now that he knew what it was, Meowth had no problem undoing his trenchcoat belt and buttons to let the water-type nuzzle in under the clothing, ruffling his fur. She was diving down toward his sheath before he had the last button undone, chin bearing down on that final fastening in a way that made it difficult to pop free.

“Slow down a little, I need to reach-“ The thread gave, sending the piece of securing plastic skimming across the asphalt and Mudkip’s wet mouth down over Meowth’s quiescent kittyhood. “-Or not. Yeesh, really need this, don’t you?”

“Muh.” Mudkip vocalized in the affirmative around her mouthful of fuzzy sheath. She enthusiastically began to suckle and knead at the velvety package, coaxing the pointed tip of his maleness out within seconds.

“Oh yeah, dats the stuff.”

Mudkip’s head followed the end of Meowth’s erection upward as if pulling it along, and when no more seemed likely to emerge the mudfish released the business end of his maleness from her lips with a soft [i]pop[/i]. She looked over the tapered little spire and, taking in the rows of little spikes around its shaft, paused. Previous extensive experience on her part included only the bland but productive peckers of other mudkips and a few cheap dildos modeled after humans. Nothing in the traditionally spiny feline range.

But her ramped up libido and moderately long abstinence inside her pokeball overcame concerns about the feline cock far enough to give Meowth’s endowment a tentative lick before he ever noticed the hesitation. Finding the nubs softer and much less sharp than anticipated she gave it another once over, eyes this time filling with carnal greed, and dove back into the task of licking the exotically textured length with relish.

Meowth purred happily at the attention, one front paw tipping Mudkip’s headfin to the side as it rested encouragingly on her head. Her tongue was a trifle unusual to him. Much smoother and wetter than he was accustomed to from his more usual feline conquests, it glided over his sensitive stiffy in ways another cat couldn’t have managed. At least, couldn’t have managed without leaving painful scrapes. 

This tongue was more a pressure than a friction. Lavishing every inch of bare skin was a slow, welcome teasing that pushed Meowth further and further into pleasure at a leisurely pace. The very smoothness of the act made its pace hard for him to track.

Mudkip supplied the only neat landmark on Meowth’s climb toward orgasm an indeterminate time in, lifting her neck slightly to engulf the twitching kittyhood in her mouth. She started to suck like a vacuum, tongue undulating against the front of it.

Suddenly realizing how close he was, the cat raised his other hand to take hold of her head from both sides, hips twitching his sheath up against her lips. She took it like a champ, eyes fixed on his expression from between his legs and never ceasing the barrage.

In no time at all he emptied himself into Mudkip’s mouth. He unloaded a neat two and a half shots, the last drawn out lovingly by the mildly nymphomaniac expertise of his new lover.

He slumped to the ground, content to let his partner suckle a little more before she pulled off to lick him clean.

“Mudki.” She said snidely.

“We can’t all be gahden hoses.” Meowth excused himself cheerfully. He immediately went on to take personal credit for basic feline biology. “I can go plenty more times though; never let it be said Meowth left a lady unsatisfied. Hows about you turn around so I can get stahted on that.”

“Kip.” Mudkip agreed coquettishly. The female backed away, bedroom eyes still locked on Meowth as if he might take his off of her otherwise- fat chance- and made a flirty spin on her stubby legs to present her rear to her trainer. “Mudkip.”

Meowth shuffled forward, getting a second good eyeful of the water-type backside on his way toward it. Mudkip had no buns [i]per se[/i] as a matter of her construction, but she did sport some rather nicely curved haunches that compensated and then some. And between those legs, the plumpest mound creased with the juiciest slit Meowth had seen in quite some time. His mouth was watering already. “Dang, girl. Whatever dey been feeding you is treating your figure right.” 

She wiggled that tantalizing rear back at him, playfully sticking her tongue out at the cat who knelt down behind her. Clearly flattery would get him everywhere, or would have if she hadn’t invited him under her tail already. 

He took that invitation and ran with it. Her pussy was no less pleasing up close, a little feminine hill on her smooth crotch. Meowth sniffed it delicately, finding it mildly fishy. Not ‘seafood going off’ fishy like humans thought of it, just a fresh-from-the-water whiff. He dove in without a moments hesitation to nuzzle at the succulent slit. And moments later, to lick. [i]Carefully[/i]; As Meowth had had occasion to recall not long ago, cat tongue could be outright painful if inexpertly used.

Mudkip gave no sign that his attentions were less than expert. If he was making any slipups she seemed to feel they were being well compensated. His tonguetip flicked lightly over her lower lips, sweeping up the rapidly collecting beads of dew there. She pushed back, vocal appreciation egging him on to risk shallowly teasing the inside of that cleft.

“Mudki…” The fishy female encouraged, a demand for more. “Kip.”

“Keep yah pants on.” Meowth said amicably, pulling back to get the words out into air instead of muffling muff. “Almost ready for dah main event.”

He made up for the pause in cunnilingus by moving his paws to rub at her cunt, pulling it open from one side to look down that pink love-tunnel. The smooth passage called to him, leaking a drizzle of fishy feminine arousal down onto the asphalt. 

Meowth caught a little of the ‘seafood sauce’ on his tongue, rolling the taste of needy female around his mouth for a moment. That did it. [i]Now[/i] he was back at full mast. He wasted no more time coming to his feet. 

He lined himself and slid the kitten cannon in smoothly, not a second too soon as far as Mudkip was concerned. They shuddered together at the first ripple of his nubby barbs over her deprived entrance. 

A pause. The brief mutual acknowledgement that he was all the way inside her. 

There’s only one thing a ‘mon [i]can[/i] do from there, when it’s been way too long since a good daycare session: Fuck like raboots. 

The pair went at it wildly, slamming their hips into each other over and over as if determined to crush each other’s pelvis by percussion alone. This was the sort of sex for which penetration was almost- not quite, but almost- incidental to their crazed humping. Oh it was good, no doubt at all there, but primally ramming into each other would have been enough reason. The slap of repeated contact was loud enough despite the muffling of Meowth’s fur to emanate from the mouth of the alley. Only big headphones and a taste for loud music kept the sole passerby during that slice of dark-o-clock in the morning from getting an eyeful.

Not that the rutting pair would have noticed. 

Between the aftereffects of her chemically aided conception, a long dry spell (for her), and the overwhelming texture of Meowth’s feline cock, Mudkip glided comfortably into blissed out territory within seconds and crossed over into a rolling orgasm not long after. Her privates milked him to a choppy timing while she gushed a stream of femcum to cascade over his balls, adding the fluid flow to the squeezes of her cooch around him.

To his credit, Meowth had a lot of stamina for a cat. The standard way of doing things in the kitty community is to fuck quick and fuck lots. His proud personal best was ten minutes without going off or ever coming to a complete stop, and when thigh muscles were a bigger limiting factor to going again than nut capacity, that was plenty. 

With all [i]that[/i] going on around his stiffy, he made it about three minutes. It was enough. He buried himself deep, shooting his wad up into Mudkip against the current of her climax as it spiked in response to his twitching rod.

They collapsed panting on the ground by mutual agreement, with Mudkip happy to serve as a body pillow.

“You are one fine fish fillet, Kippy.” Meowth breathed wholeheartedly.

“Kip!” She chirped back happily, returning the sentiment. “Mud [i]mud[/i] kip. Kip.”

“I never got any complaints, nya. Happy to keep my poifect record.” The second part of her statement registered on him. “Really? I didn’t really mean to nickname yah.”

She snuggled back into him, rolling them onto their sides in the puddle she had generated during their fucking. “Mudkip.” 

“Well, if you like it, Kippy it is.”

“Kip.” Kippy assured him.

They lay like that for a while, Meowth trying to work himself up to admitting his side was getting just a little soaked and for once he wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Kippy spoke up first.

“Kipmud. Mud… Kip. Mudki. Kip.”

“Er…” Uncertain how to deal with that, Meowth took his time. “That is kinda a bummer about your brothers and sisters. I hope they get trainers as awesome as me, too.”

“Mud.” Kippy sighed, snuggling back into him. Oh, kitty litter. Was she crying? He couldn’t tell.

“Dey’ll be fine. I’m sure dey will!”

“Mudkip.” She relaxed. It seemed to him that it was with an effort.

Inside his head, Meowth twisted in discomfort. A treacherous thought wormed its way into the back of his brain. There might be something, but… He was a hardened criminal. A bona fide lawbreaker. He chastised himself that he shouldn’t go soft. Criminals didn’t trip up criminals like that unless it was for a job.

The felonious feline wrestled with his ethics, and won. Or lost, depending on if you asked him or a… [i]gag[/i]… ‘good person’.

…Dammit.

“Hey, Kippy?”

“Mud?”

“I think I can make sure your siblings make it just fine.”

She rolled, flipping over onto him with eyes locked on his. “Mud???”

“I just gotta find a payphone.” Meowth admitted. He scratched at the side of his face self-consciously, not making eye contact. “I’ll do it right away, okay? So don’t be sad.”

Instantaneously she was kissing him, practically sucking his tongue into her mouth before pulling away to beam pure happiness at him.

“Mudkip!”

Meowth blushed hard enough to show under his creamy fur.“…Trainer’s supposed to look after ‘is pokemon, right?”

Kippy batted her eyelids at him, pupils smoldering like a fire-type, and said slyly, “…Kip kip…?”

“Yeah, I tink we can fit in a few more rounds before morning, too.”

[center]---[/center]

It was well past dawn when the lazy humans finally stirred out of their beds.

“I think the pasta con is almost played out.” Jessie said critically, nibbling at her cinnamon roll. The three of them were arranged around the tiny hotel table for their daily nefarious plotting session. “We should wrap it up before someone catches on.”

“Awww. I wanted to pursue the spaghetti angle. It would only take another day…”

Meowth and Jessie exchanged glances, then rolled their eyes.

“We really should get outta town.” Meowth put in. Hopefully they could head this off before the guy got into a mope about his ridiculous spinoff idea.

“The exchange rate won’t last forever.” Jessie added in the same spirit, checking a pamphlet. “If you really want, you can try to sell some rubes on it, but the next boat to Johto leaves in four hours, and we’re going to be aboard. Or else.” She glared warningly to emphasize the point.

“Johto?” Meowth asked, taking a sip of coffee. He hadn’t been paying too much attention to the details, attention split by the television which had been returned to its place on the hotel drawers and was set to the news. 

“Yes, I’m sure things have cooled down there since last time.”

“You’re out of your favorite lip gloss again, aren’t you.” The talking cat surmised dryly.

“That’s totally beside the point.” Jessie said primly, and came to her feet to cut off further discussion. “You had better start packing. I’ll get our tickets.”

“Well, dat’s convenient.”

James looked up from where he had been frantically scrawling down figures on a notepad. “What did you say?”

“Nuttin’ important.” Meowth waved it off. “You better hurry, you know. Da meetin’ place is gonna be full of tourists in an hour.”

He watched the human scuttle off to his own devices. Hopefully James wouldn’t screw anything up so bad that they had to leave on foot ahead of an angry mob, but what would be would be. Meowth had his own loose ends to tie up.

“Breaking news.” The anchorwoman stated, practiced ease stamping the words on air. “The Slateport police department has notified us that they have apprehended notorious con artist and smuggler Robert Collins in southern Slateport this morning, after a spirited foot chase over the span of four city blocks.”

The screen cut to a grainy image, no doubt taken from a cheap security camera, of a lanky man in a surreally patterned business suit sprinting through the street, knocking over the thin morning foot traffic as he went. An arcanine in police gear tackled him to the ground out of nowhere. The man yelled something angrily from the pavement. Maybe… A sales pitch? Mercifully there was no audio.

“Going by the alias ‘Rebate Rob’, Mr. Collins has been arrested for multiple felonies including sale of pokemon without the proper permits and multiple counts of tax fraud. The man himself comments that-“

The woman looked down at her notes, paused, blinked several times, and continued. Meowth totally understood the feeling.

“-‘You haven’t heard the last of Rebate Rob, nosirree. Never any of you good people fear, I will be back to give you the GOOD DEALS you deserve within the week!’ Expert opinion tends to disagree, with several quoting his likely sentence at a minimum of ten years. More than a hundred unregistered mudkip are reported to have been recovered from the scene of the crime, constituting hard evidence of broken pokemon identification regulations at the very least. Authorities state that the mudkip are in good health. Some will be put up for adoption to good homes, but the majority are expected to be released into the Blue Rivers pokemon preserve south of Lilycove city. The police are crediting an anonymous phone tip for their ability to rescue these mudkip.”

Meowth chuckled awkwardly around the spike of criminal guilt. It subsided quickly under the amusing conviction that those ‘some’ to be adopted would probably be those mudkips thought least likely to hump their new trainers into the ground. “Those lucky pokemon at the presoive won’t know what hit em.”

Well, that was his loose ends confirmed seen to. Meowth slid off his chair to start packing. If he was fast, there might be time to celebrate his new friendship-with-benefits with Kippy once more in the bathtub before either of the humans got back.



[center]The End[/center]