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  "description": "If anyone is reading over my shoulder on the bus I must seem insane XP",
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  "writing": "May ? 2005\n\nThey've been careful what they leave in my cell, usually I have no idea what the device is for.\n\nIt's become a routine now, I don’t even think about it anymore. I used to wait until I was ready to pass out before working to repair whatever they left; now I start to work as soon as I see it. What’s the point in dragging out the inevitable?\n\nI know this is how they want me to think, but no matter how hard I try to force myself to think otherwise, it’s the most logical conclusion I can come up with.\n\nI know for a fact the last one was a weapon.\n\nI know that it could be used against my Brothers; I could be helping to bring about their demise. I put it aside more times than I could remember; it felt wrong just to hold it.\n\nI knew, yet I still fixed it.\n\nI've tried to sabotage some of the things from time to time, but they always find out; I don't get fed for days, and sometimes I get a beating.\n\nI only get a beating now when I disobey them.\n\nI'm guessing that Baxter Stockman or Chapman checks over everything I fix. As much as I hate to stroke their ego, they're the only people I know smart enough to pick up my subtle sabotages.\n\nI think I'm fixing something roughly three times a week, though there's no way for sure to know how much time has passed.\n\nI'm no longer too weak to train, but between' working’ and sleeping I only find a few hours now and then to practice with my bo.\n\nI don't know if I'm strong enough to try to make an escape; I want to try, but I'm not confident for a successful attempt.\n\nIf I carry on like I have been I think I can lull them into a false sense of security; make them think I've given up. Part of me thinks that I've already given up by letting them condition me to work for them, but I know that I had no choice.\n\nI wonder if my brothers suspect what has happened to me. They must know by now that I didn’t just walk out on them, they would be out looking for me…wouldn’t they?\n\nIf this journal finds its way into the hands of my brothers, then I want them to know that I don’t blame them. Even if they do hate me for leaving them. \n\nTo be honest I hate myself right now as well.",
  "writing_bbcode_parsed": "<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'>May ? 2005<br /><br />They&#039;ve been careful what they leave in my cell, usually I have no idea what the device is for.<br /><br />It&#039;s become a routine now, I don&rsquo;t even think about it anymore. I used to wait until I was ready to pass out before working to repair whatever they left; now I start to work as soon as I see it. What&rsquo;s the point in dragging out the inevitable?<br /><br />I know this is how they want me to think, but no matter how hard I try to force myself to think otherwise, it&rsquo;s the most logical conclusion I can come up with.<br /><br />I know for a fact the last one was a weapon.<br /><br />I know that it could be used against my Brothers; I could be helping to bring about their demise. I put it aside more times than I could remember; it felt wrong just to hold it.<br /><br />I knew, yet I still fixed it.<br /><br />I&#039;ve tried to sabotage some of the things from time to time, but they always find out; I don&#039;t get fed for days, and sometimes I get a beating.<br /><br />I only get a beating now when I disobey them.<br /><br />I&#039;m guessing that Baxter Stockman or Chapman checks over everything I fix. As much as I hate to stroke their ego, they&#039;re the only people I know smart enough to pick up my subtle sabotages.<br /><br />I think I&#039;m fixing something roughly three times a week, though there&#039;s no way for sure to know how much time has passed.<br /><br />I&#039;m no longer too weak to train, but between&#039; working&rsquo; and sleeping I only find a few hours now and then to practice with my bo.<br /><br />I don&#039;t know if I&#039;m strong enough to try to make an escape; I want to try, but I&#039;m not confident for a successful attempt.<br /><br />If I carry on like I have been I think I can lull them into a false sense of security; make them think I&#039;ve given up. Part of me thinks that I&#039;ve already given up by letting them condition me to work for them, but I know that I had no choice.<br /><br />I wonder if my brothers suspect what has happened to me. They must know by now that I didn&rsquo;t just walk out on them, they would be out looking for me&hellip;wouldn&rsquo;t they?<br /><br />If this journal finds its way into the hands of my brothers, then I want them to know that I don&rsquo;t blame them. Even if they do hate me for leaving them. <br /><br />To be honest I hate myself right now as well.</span>",
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