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Story time!
To say KG was a fan of Mina Mongoose was putting it rather lightly. He had all of her CDs, all of her live performance DVDs and posters of her before and after her... "growing out" period.
This period in her career was so-called because one day, seemingly out of nowhere, Mina's chest had blimped out hugely, transforming what was an unremarkable and flat chest into two, heaving, bouncing, top-stretching super-tits!
Naturally, speculation was rife as to whether Mina's 'sudden developments' were the product of late hormones, or if they were just two enormous bags of silicone that she had fitted just to increase her popularity. Some muppet on the internet tried to fan these flames by claiming that she had also had her ass augmented. These claims were quickly disproved by a picture of her bowing after her first ever live performance: clearly, her butt bumpers had been there from the start.
Now, if you were to ask KG what his opinion of them was, he wouldn't really have to answer; the raging hard-on he got from thinking about Mina's outrageously curvy body answered for him;
To be honest, I'm not really bothered! Not since Stevie Nicks has there been a female singer I've wanted to put my cock in as much!
So when the news broke that Mina Mongoose was looking for a rhythm guitarist, every male within 50 miles who knew what a guitar was got their asses into town to try out.
"Aw, for fuck's sake!" thought KG as he saw the line of auditionees stretching out of the town hall. It would take ages for him to be seen!
Actually, it didn't take quite as long as he thought it would. Amidst all the different noises of guitar, some good, some OK, some downright affronts to music, KG noticed that the line moved up by one every 45 seconds. Was that how long he would have to entertain Mina for?
As he drew into the hall itself, one thin became quite clear: most of the guys had only turned up to see Mina herself. Many auditionees were asked to leave after just 15 seconds of tortured playing. Hell, a couple of guys didn't even bring guitars! A rattlesnake with golden hair and tiger-print leggings was escorted from the building, calling back "Don't try and tell me you don't want any of this, lass!"
Eventually, there were only a couple of people left. A good thing too, his guitar was getting heavy and his legs were tired! Finally, the last guy was dismissed, and it was just KG and Mina. And nothing could have prepared him for her.
KG had only ever seen Mina in pictures or on the telly before, bouncing around, singing and looking happy. So it was quite strange to him to see her sitting behind a desk, looking a little tired, like she needed an aspirin.
As he set up his guitar, a white Les Paul that weighed more than Mexico City, KG found that he just couldn't help himself, and stole the quickest and tiniest glance at Mina.
During the miniscule time that his eyes found her, KG saw that, even though Mina was leaning back in her chair, her planet-sized pillows were still on the table! He also noticed that, perhaps out of habit, she was wearing one of her old black tank-tops. This was not helping his concentration, as it was that tight on her that he could see both a large expanse of yellow cleavage and immense underboob at the same time! Had he chosen to stare a little longer, he could probably have seen her delicious nipples sticking out...
But he didn't. Those baps had been the downfall of several guitarists today, whether they had been distracted by her cleavage whilst playing and lost their lines, or else they had been thrown out for staring too long. As beautiful as her boobs were, he wouldn't let himself squander his chance by staring.
He was set up. He looked expectantly at Mina. Without looking at him she said "OK, go ahead". And so he did. For 45 seconds, he played his heart out with a nice, crunchy, Aerosmith-like tone. And for 45 seconds, he wasn't auditioning in the town hall, he was in his bedroom practicing, with no sexy mongeese with bra-busting chest bumpers and shorts-stretching fat asses to distract him.
His 45 seconds ended, and silence reigned. KG dared to look at Mina again. To his surprise, she wasn't leaning back any more, but was sitting forward and had her fingers interlaced in front of her, watching with interest. KG couldn't fail to notice that her leaning forwards was pancaking her tits onto the table. But he managed to stare into her face instead of her chest.
After 30 seconds of silence, during which KG's mouth became as dry as a mummy's arse, Mina stood up and beckoned to the python with a finger. "Come with me."
"B-But my stuff..."
"Just leave it here, the roadies will clean it up!" And with that, she walked away, her hips swaying and her fat cheeks bouncing. KG followed. They were apparently leaving the building.
They left the bulding, and went to the carpark outside, where they beheld a massive black and purple tourbus. Pulling out a remote, Mina pressed it once, and the door of the bus promptly swung open to greet them.
Mina pulled KG in by the hand. "Umm, Miss Mongoo..."
"Mina, please"
"Mina, whit am I daein' here?"
"Well KG," said Mina, and, to KG's utter shock, started removing her tank-top! "You're here to help me with something."
"H-help you..." KG could barely speak. This was due to Mina having removed her top, allowing her hooters to bounce free. They were much bigger when they weren't being imprisoned by her tank top, which was thrown across the tour bus. In fact, each boob was bigger than either of their heads! Her nipples were plum coloured, and glistened like amethyst.
"You see, after a long day, I need to relax," said Mina, who continued the strip show by unbuttoning her shorts. KG's pants were getting super-tight now. "And there's one thing that relaxes me the most..."
Mina flung her shorts over to join her tank-top. She was now totally naked.
"Rimming!"
Remember kids: you do have to kiss some ass to get into the music industry, but it isn't really that bad!