Where the lawman and the criminal can come together and hash out their differences and issues in enforced peace, while enjoying some of the best alcohol in the world.
Despite it being essentially a demilitarized zone where violence is almost totally barred, weapons are still available to acquire from the bar if one knows the right people…
A python, evergreen and cream in colour, approached the neon-covered bar. Stepping to the side of the long line of cordoned-off people waiting to get let in, he approached the front door directly, where there stood two sturdy-looking Doberman bouncers.
Walking up to the one that wasn’t currently patting down civilians for entry, the snake addressed both of them casually:
“Awrite, Stan, Ollie?”
Stan the hefty security dog greeted him jovially:
“Hey KG, how’s it going?”
“Och, nae bad,” KG said casually. “Just in here to see ‘herself’, ye know?”
“Aaaah,” Stan nodded, and stepped aside to let KG in. “Well, have a good night, ya hear?”
As he entered the bar, the snake heard a moan from the queue behind him, and then a stern rejoinder from Ollie:
“Hey, how come he gets to go straight in?”
“Because he’s a friend of the owner, and not a scruff like you!”
------------------------------
“Hullo Nic!”
The purple weasel girl behind the bar looked up from her cocktail shaker and smiled at the python taking a seat on a barstool in front of her.
The cocktail was being made for a nervous-looking young rat boy who barely looked old enough to be there, and he even shirked away from KG a little as he sat beside him.
“Ah, KG – was expecting you. You’ll be wanting the second most expensive drink, I take it?”
“Mmm-hmm,” KG said, nodding his head. “Same as usual!”
Nic put down the cocktail shaker upon hearing the secret phrase – known only to friends of the owner and staff - and leaned towards the python.
“Fiona’ll serve you that in our backroom.”
This said, she turned back to the rat:
“You want ice in this?”
The rodent merely meekly nodded in response.
“Coming up!”
Bending over to fetch the ice, Nic’s huge, purple rear muffin-topped over the band of her black trousers straight in view of the young rat, who looked like he was going to faint at the sight of the barmaid’s enormous crevice.
As this happened, KG reached into the top pocket of his leather jacket, pulled out a $50 and handed it to the rat, whispering at him:
“Put this into her crack, mate, and you’ll get something to eat along wi’ yer drink.”
The rat looked nervously between the note he’d just been handed and Nic’s bouncy, exposed crack as KG casually walked towards the backroom door beside the bar.
------------------------------
Through the door, the VIP backroom was a fancier affair than the main bar.
The whole place had a predominant colour scheme of black and red – the floors and walls were shiny black oak, and polished within an inch of their lives.
The booths along both walls housed the red, with each one having seating upholstered tastefully in crimson leather.
At the far end of the room was an elevated stage, where there would often be musicians playing jazzy numbers to the VIPs in attendance – tonight, though, the stage was empty of both performers and instruments, and the music was being gently pumped through the speaker system.
KG headed to his usual table, number 14, and was pleased to find that he had company.
A pair of red tits almost reached the whole distance across the circular table they were set upon – two crimson pumpkins that were barely partially covered as they were by their owner’s miniscule black top.
It couldn’t hold in her nipples, though – her fat, pink milk spouts were resting right atop the hem of her garment, tantalisingly close to being fully free…
The owner of these stupendous whoppers was a vixen almost the same rusty red as the upholstery – she regarded KG with a look of familiarity and fondness that quite a lot of men would commit heinous crimes to get from someone like her.
“Evenin’, Fiona!” KG said casually, plopping himself down on the seat in front of the fox.
“Hey KG,” Fiona smiled at him as she leaned her chin on her hand, the elbow of her arm digging into her right tit. “What’s a sexy guy like you doing in a place like this – just out for a drink, or something a little more substantial?”
KG grinned at her half-coy response. “Well, I’m here for a drink and some sightseeing as well…”
“Oh, I bet you are!” Fiona returned the teeth-baring smile. “But in all seriousness – I do know what we’re both here for. So, what’ll be first for you: Business or pleasure?”
KG’s pink, forked tongue ran itself over his teeth as he pulled a pretend thinking face.
“Business!” he finally decided, bringing his hands together on the little table space that Fiona’s milk tanks afforded him.
“Business it is, then,” she said softly, and reached down to her left, bringing up a black, rectangular box in her hand.
Bringing it up and resting it on her fat jugs, Fiona turned the hard-wearing black plastic container towards KG and opened the lid, presenting it to him like a briefcase of money in an exchange.
Inside, neatly arranged in 5 rows of ten each, were clearly bullets. They all faced head-down, their flat circular bottoms looking at the ceiling.
“Mmm…” KG made a noise of approval as he reached for a round, holding it up to the light between his thumb and forefinger like a jeweller looking at a diamond.
“50 rounds, as requested,” she said, letting KG fully take the box off her rack. “For a hilariously old gun!”
“Oi!” the python groused angrily at the jibe, reaching into his jacket. “This was my great-grandad’s!”
Out of the python’s underarm holster came the aforementioned firearm – a Webley Mk VI revolver.
The barrel, the frame and the cylinder had been expertly engraved, and the backroom lights shone and danced off of them as KG withdrew it.
Usually, a customer drawing a weapon in the Graveyard might have any nearby staff members eyeing up said customer warily – the penalty for aiming a loaded gun at someone on the premises all but guaranteed you a double helping of hot lead.
But, since KG was a friend of the bar – and wasn’t prone to waving guns around like a child with a Super-Soaker, anyway – Fiona didn’t even blink as his revolver was withdrawn from its holster. In fact, she raised an eyebrow and laughed.
“I still think that thing should be in a museum!”
KG rolled his eyes. “Look, it’s in great nick, and it still makes handsy fans shit themsel’s when I whip it out!”
“I bet it does.” Fiona purred. “Speaking of – how is Mina these days? You still plowing her?”
Such a personal and impertinent question would normally have caused a bit of consternation from KG, but his response was casual:
“Aye – what kind of eejit would I be if I wasn’t taking advantage of bodyguarding the world’s sexiest popstar?”
Closing the lid on the bullet box, KG took the container in his hands and placed in on the seat beside him.
By the time he had sat upright again and turned to face Fiona again, a tall, black can had appeared from nowhere, stuffed in between her giant tits, glinting underneath the lights.
“So – time for pleasure?”
“You know it!”
Fiona opened the ring pull of the can with a satisfying crack and hiss, and KG’s flickering tongue instantly caught the pleasant mix of apples and alcohol.
The python instantly identified it as a can of Insider Cider - his favourite.
“Alright, big boy,” Fiona smirked, digging the 330ml can out from between her boobs and beginning to tilt. “Here’s what you came for!”
Turning the open can 90 degrees in the air, Fiona poured the orange-gold liquid all over her big, fat, crimson tits.
It really would have made an excellent advertisement – the stream of cider seemed to fall in slow-motion before KG’s eyes, slathering every available square inch of those pumpkin-size pillows in alcoholic apple juice. Droplets rebounded off of the surface like sparks off of a grindstone.
“Now - drink up!”
KG did as he was told – he lowered his head like a zebra at a drinking hole and started lapping the cider off of Fiona’s big, wet tits.
It took a while to get those pillows free of the alcohol that covered them – close to an hour, in fact - but KG showed outstanding commitment, tirelessly sending his pink forked tongue scouring over the surface of those planets for cider.
“So – do they taste better than Mina’s?”
“Hmm,” KG pretended to think, raising his head and letting droplets of the cider coating his lips splash back onto the vixen’s hooters. “I would say yes, but the popstar I’m protecting’s paying me to say no!”
“Cheeky!” Fiona laughed. “You see if I let you suck on these again!”
In response, the python pressed his alcohol-sodden lips into the vixen’s big red tits, kissing each of her tits one last time before fixing her with a smug smile.
“Ah, but that would be cruelty, and you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?”
Fiona shooed his face away with her left hand, and with her right, she shoved the empty black cider can back into her cleavage where it stuck up like a bottle in the sea.
“Now - watch this.”
Fiona brought her arms sharply downwards, plowing her fists into the sides of her own tits like a baker slamming their hands into two mounds of fresh dough.
There was a tinny, hollow SCRONCH as the cider can was utterly flattened into near wafer-thinness between Fiona’s hooters.
“Maybe I’d do that to you!”
KG laughed. “I’ll have to take ye up on that some day!”
Looking down at his watch, KG noted the time and stood up from the table. “Bugger – I’ll have to get back to Mina, she’ll be wondering where I am!”
“Hmph, typical popstar – needs to have her way all the time!” Fiona remarked sarcastically, standing up from the table as well.
“Aye – she insists I’m there to suck on her tits when she needs it.” KG smiled, leaning into the sarcasm as he turned to go. "Actually, do you reckon we could try-"
BOMF
Out of nowhere, KG was buffeted forwards by the impact of something massive hitting him square in the back.
“What-“
BOMF
“Later!” Fiona said, ramming her giant red tits into the python’s back and propelling him forwards again. “Go on, the biggest tits in pop are waiting for you!”
KG barely had time to turn around to face her before a third hit by the vixen’s wrecking ball tits sent him blundering through the backroom door and out into the front-of-house bar.
Grabbing him by both arms - and forcing him forward with her heavy hooters still pressing his back - Fiona frog-marched him to the front-door of Heaven's Graveyard.
"See you next time you want some of these guns!" she said, as she saw him stagger away into the night...
------------------
By \r\n\t\t\t\t\t
| \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tUltimateShadow\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t