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Sometimes to find the 'voice', we engage in silly behaviors. It has worked before.
","writing":"Good Morning \n\nBeen a lot of good music lately. Listening to that new Linkin Park album. it is lame and cringe but touches a specific part of me that wants to be touched. \n\nsome interesting things have come up in interaction.\n\nLost my cool playing pretend. Apologies are meaningless. I get to try to reach coworkers. Going hard lets me break the ice. It is a dumb strategy, there's not much I know how to do when they don't listen to me. \n\nDrinking Monster, smoking black cigarettes. I don't care to. Putting on and taking off the masks. \"what about the story?\" it isn't worth telling.\n\nTold a coworker that was [i]looking[/i] at me, I mean Looking. I do not consent. Looked her in the eye and said 'You keep looking at me like this and I'll have to kill myself.' That isn't for her. Part of my problem with streaming. People think they own you, and then you start to see that everywhere. Could be creeping paranoia. Doesn't matter [i]where[/i] it comes from. The thing that was done was inappropriate. I won't be there forever. They can look, it just feels like I'm cheating on the one I mean to share Everything with. [url=https://inkbunny.net/s/3478937]We try to make it right but that doesn't make it right.[/url] \n\n\"Self referential.\" everything is. if you follow the line on a circle, it points to itself. \n\nA notion coming around and around is that I get acceptance I don't want and cannot get the rejection I do.\nIt wouldn't be bad, except sometimes I can't get the acceptance that I [i]do[/i] want. That I am told I ought to pursue. Sorry. I have the feeling I should have broken out into a rap by now. Can't force it.\n\nKept ruining orders. The focus was not where it was needing to be. Excuses. Description. \"It's okay.\" \"Everyone makes mistakes.\" that leads to my decay. I expect better things of me. I think people would like the better things I am capable of. There's no push for it. None I see. except when we dial in and just live in belief.\n\nit is -not- okay. Okay is slang. from O. K. abbreviated from 'Oll Korrect' -> all correct. It is not correct if it is done wrong. If it is happening poorly. \n\nRuin the order again. need a moment because what is happening is the lack of attention, because I am being ineffective. There is a notion that I make things better. I don't. They choose to believe it and so they act it. I am just a retarded mascot. I am there to just show up, most of the time I try to be useful and there's nothing for me to do. It is a waste.\n\nI excused myself, had to go outside to clear my mind, just count to ten or something. Other assistance is summoned. That person being out of place added to the issue. When the orders aren't going out, there is no place to put the orders that need to go out. It is so very simple. however, 'help' is typically more hands thrown mindlessly at the number of orders with no thought as to the rest of the process. (Yes, we know we're describing Self.)\n\nSo i went back in before the gloves even got put on. \n\n'kill me,' I told her. \n\n'no. Look in my Eyes. Kill Me.' \n\nis that what I meant? I don't know. you'd have to talk to a person that doesn't exist. Probably though. Feelings aren't necessarily real. There are things that one \"should not talk about\". \n\nthe only way forward is to actually speak with the coworkers. it is not a good working environment. people come in late for the shift and don't care for the work they do. Is that Self again? \n\nRight now. Julian Lage - World's Fair.\n\nWe like music like this and Joe Pass - Virtuoso. I can't do the thiigns that i've agrred to while pursuing the obligations for others. Time to renegotiate terms, because this don't work.\n\nand off again about the tangeant of Self. It is a trap, that's why I say don't. it isn't worth it. There is no less pain, maybe more. Different. and again.\n\nThis music is a delight. There are \"mistakes\", string noise, fret noise. I'm trained to hear it instead of the music. we've missed out a lot on that. As above so below, but that just means it is all meaningless.\n\n...But maybe it can be fun.\n\nmy mother was talking to me that I should open the Department of Pizza Efficiency. DOPE. yeah, we're dope.\nhaven't talked to her about weed. Or anything going on in my life. there's too much to unpack and jumping right on in seems unfair. \n\nI am not supposed to be cruel, but said cruelty is projected onto me. I am a fox. When some look at me they see a dalmation, golden retriever, pitbull, chihuahua.... i become that. Maybe they've never really seen one in the wild. \n\nmy that pitbull has an angular face...\nmy that's a big chihuahua, \ngoodness, what a weird color for a retriever!\n\nbuddy, i've got to plant my vineyards. For now, we'll continue about on the work. Hope to stream again soon!\n\n","writing_bbcode_parsed":"Good Morning
Been a lot of good music lately. Listening to that new Linkin Park album. it is lame and cringe but touches a specific part of me that wants to be touched.
some interesting things have come up in interaction.
Lost my cool playing pretend. Apologies are meaningless. I get to try to reach coworkers. Going hard lets me break the ice. It is a dumb strategy, there's not much I know how to do when they don't listen to me.
Drinking Monster, smoking black cigarettes. I don't care to. Putting on and taking off the masks. "what about the story?" it isn't worth telling.
Told a coworker that was looking at me, I mean Looking. I do not consent. Looked her in the eye and said 'You keep looking at me like this and I'll have to kill myself.' That isn't for her. Part of my problem with streaming. People think they own you, and then you start to see that everywhere. Could be creeping paranoia. Doesn't matter where it comes from. The thing that was done was inappropriate. I won't be there forever. They can look, it just feels like I'm cheating on the one I mean to share Everything with. We try to make it right but that doesn't make it right.
"Self referential." everything is. if you follow the line on a circle, it points to itself.
A notion coming around and around is that I get acceptance I don't want and cannot get the rejection I do.
It wouldn't be bad, except sometimes I can't get the acceptance that I do want. That I am told I ought to pursue. Sorry. I have the feeling I should have broken out into a rap by now. Can't force it.
Kept ruining orders. The focus was not where it was needing to be. Excuses. Description. "It's okay." "Everyone makes mistakes." that leads to my decay. I expect better things of me. I think people would like the better things I am capable of. There's no push for it. None I see. except when we dial in and just live in belief.
it is -not- okay. Okay is slang. from O. K. abbreviated from 'Oll Korrect' -> all correct. It is not correct if it is done wrong. If it is happening poorly.
Ruin the order again. need a moment because what is happening is the lack of attention, because I am being ineffective. There is a notion that I make things better. I don't. They choose to believe it and so they act it. I am just a retarded mascot. I am there to just show up, most of the time I try to be useful and there's nothing for me to do. It is a waste.
I excused myself, had to go outside to clear my mind, just count to ten or something. Other assistance is summoned. That person being out of place added to the issue. When the orders aren't going out, there is no place to put the orders that need to go out. It is so very simple. however, 'help' is typically more hands thrown mindlessly at the number of orders with no thought as to the rest of the process. (Yes, we know we're describing Self.)
So i went back in before the gloves even got put on.
'kill me,' I told her.
'no. Look in my Eyes. Kill Me.'
is that what I meant? I don't know. you'd have to talk to a person that doesn't exist. Probably though. Feelings aren't necessarily real. There are things that one "should not talk about".
the only way forward is to actually speak with the coworkers. it is not a good working environment. people come in late for the shift and don't care for the work they do. Is that Self again?
Right now. Julian Lage - World's Fair.
We like music like this and Joe Pass - Virtuoso. I can't do the thiigns that i've agrred to while pursuing the obligations for others. Time to renegotiate terms, because this don't work.
and off again about the tangeant of Self. It is a trap, that's why I say don't. it isn't worth it. There is no less pain, maybe more. Different. and again.
This music is a delight. There are "mistakes", string noise, fret noise. I'm trained to hear it instead of the music. we've missed out a lot on that. As above so below, but that just means it is all meaningless.
...But maybe it can be fun.
my mother was talking to me that I should open the Department of Pizza Efficiency. DOPE. yeah, we're dope.
haven't talked to her about weed. Or anything going on in my life. there's too much to unpack and jumping right on in seems unfair.
I am not supposed to be cruel, but said cruelty is projected onto me. I am a fox. When some look at me they see a dalmation, golden retriever, pitbull, chihuahua.... i become that. Maybe they've never really seen one in the wild.
my that pitbull has an angular face...
my that's a big chihuahua,
goodness, what a weird color for a retriever!
buddy, i've got to plant my vineyards. For now, we'll continue about on the work. Hope to stream again soon!
","pools_count":0,"title":"Stream of FoxIOUSness - 3","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"image/png","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"2","rating_name":"Adult","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"5","name":"Strong Violence","description":"Strong violence, blood, serious injury or death","rating_id":"2"}],"submission_type_id":"12","type_name":"Writing - Document","guest_block":"t","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"0","views":"39"}