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Here's what the agents were up to in February. \n\nFull text below. Content warning for this month: implied death/suicide and some vague body horror.[hr]\n[b]Secret Agent Avia Jiutai[/b] has discovered the fate of an experimental stealth aircraft lost in 2011. During a test flight, the jet had crashed into a distant desert outside of Egypt's walls and, due to its stealth design, could not be found. Following rumors and satellite photographs, Agent Jiutai tracked down the wreck of the craft to a dense forest in the republic of Sudan and discovered that it had become entangled by a rare species of vine normally native to the Congo. In attempting to test the on-board computers for signs of power, the jet reportedly activated and took flight with Jiutai inside. Unable to control the craft, they claim the vines themselves were piloting the craft and operating the controls. After an intense mid-air \"negotiation\" with the plant matter, Jiutai safely landed the craft, which is now held in a secret SIU location so that it, and the vines, can be studied.\n\n[b]Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin[/b] was part of an archaeological research team, which seems to have been afflicted by a curse set upon them by the tomb they opened. The curse varies among all participants. One researcher reports what may be a rare form of synesthesia in which all spoken word sounds like singing. Another research intern claims that all colors they see have been inverted, while another reports a persistent smell of rotting meat. As for Rakkin, their curse seems to be, in their words, \"everything tastes like peaches now. Literally everything.\" A spiritual adviser has been called in to assist with appeasing the disturbed tomb.\n\n[b]Senior Agent Wheaton Adams [/b]has apparently become adverse to the effects of Earth's gravity and is currently stuck on the ceiling of the main headquarter's lounge. Although the cause of this condition is unclear, it is known that he was visiting the site of an apparent meteorite impact. Nothing of interest was found at the site, although at least one local near the area of impact was reported missing. What is causing Agent Adams to be under an anti-gravity effect is unclear, a team of radiology experts cannot detect any strange particle emissions from his body or any other known causes for the effect. There is concern about the structural integrity of the room's ceiling, as there is no floor above it: it is theorized that if Agent Adams were to \"fall\" out of the ceiling of the lounge, he may quickly become irretrievable. Research is still ongoing.\n\n[b]Special Agent Chaz Gates [/b]reported receiving an unusual package in the mail today. Its return address seemed to be fake and, although the label was hand-written, no fingerprints have been found on the packaging. Inside the box were three aged VHS tapes. After some difficulty finding a functioning VCR, Agent Gates reports that the first unlabeled tape featured grainy, monochrome footage of herself sitting in a plain, unidentified kitchen. Agent Gates did not recognize this kitchen, but does confirm that the person in the video is a younger version of herself by roughly 8 years. This uninterrupted footage of the agent features her mostly motionless, staring at the camera, for approximately 18 minutes. After a few frames of quick motion past the camera, the footage abruptly ceases. The second tape continues with more motionless staring for about 5 minutes until the agent's apparent younger self stands, walks off camera, and returns with a large gallon jug of bleach. The footage version of Chaz Gates then, reportedly, drinks the whole gallon of concentrated bleach live on film, fighting gag reflexes and clawing in strain at the table. After several minutes of coughing, the footage again abruptly ends. Agent Gates has refused to watch the third tape and the footage has been sent to our digital forensic team for further study.\n\n[b]Special Agent Arukino[/b] has finally unlocked the secret language of non-morphic birds. A pet project of the agent, aided by a small team of linguists and a custom-built learning AI program, Agent Arukino has finished analyzing hundreds of thousands of samples of bird calls from thousands of different species, and after much cross referencing, repetition statistics, and general logic algorithms, a language-like pattern has apparently been found. Preliminary findings were as apparently expected: reports of weather, predators, and location. Apparently, however, certain sub-saharan species were \"discussing\" what may have been international government secrets. A deeper investigation has been moved to priority action, and a debate as to whether or not feral birds can technically commit treason has begun.\n\nAn outbreak of an unknown bacterial disease has been reported in a small rural town in southern Sudan, and [b]Special Agent Kouroth[/b] has been sent to investigate. After excavating an old and abandoned water well within a dried up oasis, locals reported outbreaks of skin rash, sluggishness, and a stiffness of joints. This situation escalated as several workers became apparently immobile within hours of the dig. By the time Agent Kouroth arrived on scene, many of the workers were completely solidified: their skin and muscle having apparently been desiccated to a stiff, gray, rock-like state with the consistency of concrete. A quarantine of the area was quickly called but, after an altercation with a delirious local, Agent Kouroth was injured and began to show signs of illness. By the time he was transported to safe location, much of his lower body had been painfully converted into this stone-like state. He is currently in intensive care; the spread of the disease has stopped but a search for the cure is ongoing.\n\nThe phantom pyramid, briefly discovered by Agent Arukino last month, was rediscovered by [b]Special Agent Neo[/b]: this time, it was underwater. Sightings of this pyramid were first reported by deep sea fishers off the coast of Australia and Agent Neo was quickly sent to investigate with a small submarine on loan from an undisclosed movie director. The pyramid seems to be the exact Pyramid of Oxyrhynchus as found earlier in the Central American jungle, based on specific dimensions, weathering, and inscriptions found on the pyramid's exterior. The pyramid remained on the agent's second day in the area, which allowed him time to enter its interior through the one entrance not buried under coral. Once within, apparent interference from inside the pyramid started to corrupt the electronics on the marine craft, and Neo was forced to retreat. After several days of further investigation and recordings, it is theorized that the pyramid may be in this location a while longer, and a temporary base of operations has been established for further exploration.\n \n\n[url=http://www.postybirb.com]Posted using PostyBirb[/url]", "description_bbcode_parsed": "High end donors to my Patreon get to participate in monthly special agent reports and get a little story written about them! Here's what the agents were up to in February. 

Full text below. Content warning for this month: implied death/suicide and some vague body horror.[hr]
Secret Agent Avia Jiutai has discovered the fate of an experimental stealth aircraft lost in 2011. During a test flight, the jet had crashed into a distant desert outside of Egypt's walls and, due to its stealth design, could not be found. Following rumors and satellite photographs, Agent Jiutai tracked down the wreck of the craft to a dense forest in the republic of Sudan and discovered that it had become entangled by a rare species of vine normally native to the Congo. In attempting to test the on-board computers for signs of power, the jet reportedly activated and took flight with Jiutai inside. Unable to control the craft, they claim the vines themselves were piloting the craft and operating the controls. After an intense mid-air "negotiation" with the plant matter, Jiutai safely landed the craft, which is now held in a secret SIU location so that it, and the vines, can be studied.

Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin was part of an archaeological research team, which seems to have been afflicted by a curse set upon them by the tomb they opened. The curse varies among all participants. One researcher reports what may be a rare form of synesthesia in which all spoken word sounds like singing. Another research intern claims that all colors they see have been inverted, while another reports a persistent smell of rotting meat. As for Rakkin, their curse seems to be, in their words, "everything tastes like peaches now. Literally everything." A spiritual adviser has been called in to assist with appeasing the disturbed tomb.

Senior Agent Wheaton Adams has apparently become adverse to the effects of Earth's gravity and is currently stuck on the ceiling of the main headquarter's lounge. Although the cause of this condition is unclear, it is known that he was visiting the site of an apparent meteorite impact. Nothing of interest was found at the site, although at least one local near the area of impact was reported missing. What is causing Agent Adams to be under an anti-gravity effect is unclear, a team of radiology experts cannot detect any strange particle emissions from his body or any other known causes for the effect. There is concern about the structural integrity of the room's ceiling, as there is no floor above it: it is theorized that if Agent Adams were to "fall" out of the ceiling of the lounge, he may quickly become irretrievable. Research is still ongoing.

Special Agent Chaz Gates reported receiving an unusual package in the mail today. Its return address seemed to be fake and, although the label was hand-written, no fingerprints have been found on the packaging. Inside the box were three aged VHS tapes. After some difficulty finding a functioning VCR, Agent Gates reports that the first unlabeled tape featured grainy, monochrome footage of herself sitting in a plain, unidentified kitchen. Agent Gates did not recognize this kitchen, but does confirm that the person in the video is a younger version of herself by roughly 8 years. This uninterrupted footage of the agent features her mostly motionless, staring at the camera, for approximately 18 minutes. After a few frames of quick motion past the camera, the footage abruptly ceases. The second tape continues with more motionless staring for about 5 minutes until the agent's apparent younger self stands, walks off camera, and returns with a large gallon jug of bleach. The footage version of Chaz Gates then, reportedly, drinks the whole gallon of concentrated bleach live on film, fighting gag reflexes and clawing in strain at the table. After several minutes of coughing, the footage again abruptly ends. Agent Gates has refused to watch the third tape and the footage has been sent to our digital forensic team for further study.

Special Agent Arukino has finally unlocked the secret language of non-morphic birds. A pet project of the agent, aided by a small team of linguists and a custom-built learning AI program, Agent Arukino has finished analyzing hundreds of thousands of samples of bird calls from thousands of different species, and after much cross referencing, repetition statistics, and general logic algorithms, a language-like pattern has apparently been found. Preliminary findings were as apparently expected: reports of weather, predators, and location. Apparently, however, certain sub-saharan species were "discussing" what may have been international government secrets. A deeper investigation has been moved to priority action, and a debate as to whether or not feral birds can technically commit treason has begun.

An outbreak of an unknown bacterial disease has been reported in a small rural town in southern Sudan, and Special Agent Kouroth has been sent to investigate. After excavating an old and abandoned water well within a dried up oasis, locals reported outbreaks of skin rash, sluggishness, and a stiffness of joints. This situation escalated as several workers became apparently immobile within hours of the dig. By the time Agent Kouroth arrived on scene, many of the workers were completely solidified: their skin and muscle having apparently been desiccated to a stiff, gray, rock-like state with the consistency of concrete. A quarantine of the area was quickly called but, after an altercation with a delirious local, Agent Kouroth was injured and began to show signs of illness. By the time he was transported to safe location, much of his lower body had been painfully converted into this stone-like state. He is currently in intensive care; the spread of the disease has stopped but a search for the cure is ongoing.

The phantom pyramid, briefly discovered by Agent Arukino last month, was rediscovered by Special Agent Neo: this time, it was underwater. Sightings of this pyramid were first reported by deep sea fishers off the coast of Australia and Agent Neo was quickly sent to investigate with a small submarine on loan from an undisclosed movie director. The pyramid seems to be the exact Pyramid of Oxyrhynchus as found earlier in the Central American jungle, based on specific dimensions, weathering, and inscriptions found on the pyramid's exterior. The pyramid remained on the agent's second day in the area, which allowed him time to enter its interior through the one entrance not buried under coral. Once within, apparent interference from inside the pyramid started to corrupt the electronics on the marine craft, and Neo was forced to retreat. After several days of further investigation and recordings, it is theorized that the pyramid may be in this location a while longer, and a temporary base of operations has been established for further exploration.
 

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