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"https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/4780/4780796_IceAgeChippies_0thxgvng.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_large_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/4780/4780796_IceAgeChippies_0thxgvng_noncustom.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/4780/4780796_IceAgeChippies_0thxgvng_noncustom.jpg", "submission_right_thumb_medium_noncustom_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_medium_noncustom_y": "81", "submission_right_thumb_large_noncustom_x": "200", "submission_right_thumb_large_noncustom_y": "135", "submission_right_thumb_huge_noncustom_x": "300", "submission_right_thumb_huge_noncustom_y": "202" } ], "description": "So... Where's the art? Why've I been so inactive?\n\nI tried drawing some Halloween stuff, and I did, but I couldn't bring myself to upload it.\n\nAs some readers know, I made a 3-in-1 cartoon for Halloween, showing my main cast in their costumes ...but I hated the art and cut it into confetti (right after going through the trouble of coloring it): https://sta.sh/0mebcbkys1y\n\nSo, for my next trick, I thought to make another 3-in-1, ending with a cartoon about the trailer wolves. That one ended with a 'To Be Continued', as I intended to follow it up with a visit from Sweetie story (the wolf mom was finally named AND she received The Golden Candy!).\n\nThen a lack of motivation happened. I allowed Halloween to go by without my intended Sweetie cartoon. All I had was this unfinished scribble from the 3-in-1 to show for it (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/01r0mem7m7a4\n\nOut of spite, I did make a drawing of the wolf mom with Sweetie, though I had no intention of uploading it. I drew it purely out of spite, just so I could say (to myself) that I DID draw Sweetie for Halloween (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/02b92qopqx0d\n\nEven before all this, I was still drawing but not uploading anything.\nHere's a piece from a story of the trailer wolves and some butter beans. In it, Mae tricked Lupe into shelling beans for her (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/057pufujswh\n\nWhy didn't I upload it?\n\nI didn't like the first panel; wasn't sure if I'd drawn Lupe's pose right. Granted, I have never (and will never) draw anything correctly, but some things bother me more than others.\n\nAs for this art, it ALMOST didn't get published at all---I didn't have a satisfying end in mind for it; it was a spite upload: https://inkbunny.net/s/3149306\n\nTL;DR: I 'am' drawing, I'm just destroying the art rather than sharing it.\n\nLongtime watchers have probably noticed some things. For one, I never use 'The Hypothetical Watcher' anymore. I dropped it because what I was writing as the character was actually affecting my self-perception.\nI count retiring the Hypothtical as a positive. :3\n\nThat said, I still believe everything I wrote for/as The Hypothetical Watcher---I take none of it back.\nHowever, the result of letting the 'character' go has inspired me to let go of something else that's been longstanding: the 'need' to upload.\n\nI still feel guilty when I don't have art to share, but said guilt is lessening by the day. In fact, I'm getting accustomed to, and even a little indulged by, not being as overwhelmed as before.\nEven so, when I feel I 'should' draw something (like, most recently, for Halloween), I find I'm mostly unable to draw or upload the art after.\n\nI'm not exaggerating when I say I'm unsure if I'll have any art for Christmas. I've bought a Christmas ACO from eBay to upload to DA/FA (so I can say I posted SOMEthing), but it's uncertain whether I'll make more art this year. If I draw, then I draw, but I dunno if I'd publish it or keep it published.\n\nLike, I made a gift art for someone the other day---I uploaded it for less than 30 minutes before deleting. The person I made it for saw the drawing (it was of her vixen OC). She liked it, but was upset when I deleted it ...apparently, I didn't give her time to save it (how long does it take to make a damn screen shot?).\nI still had the art---I could have uploaded it again to give it to her privately (I in fact DID share it with some select watchers), but I didn't give the art back. In fact, I was somewhat relieved that the recipient didn't have it to upload herself (she alluded that she would've). It was an unexpected opportunity to let the art die (as it should), so I took it.\n\nDo I hate drawing?\n\nYes.\n\nTrouble is, drawing is one of the VERY few things I know how to do (loosely, anyway) with my spare time that isn't entirely idle.\nLike, I walk through the park every day (I have to, for my heart), but aside from that, drawing is all I know how to do.\nOnce I'm home for the day, all I want to do is sit. Drawing enables me to do that without feeling like I'm completely wasting my time (at least it doesn't feel like a waste while in the act of drawing).\n\nOne thing my watchers need to know (if they don't already) is the only reason almost any of you see my art---the only reason I post to DA, FA and IB, was to prove to my S/O that I couldn't draw (I made ACOs for eBay, believing they wouldn't sell and that would prove my art was bad and without value).\nI later used art to explore and understand my sexuality (the Timmy art).\n\nMy S/O is deceased; there's nothing to prove, and Timmy served his purpose long ago.\n\nI'd somehow developed a psychosis---some idea that I was a content creator with an audience that I had to please.\nBut I'm moving past that, slowly but surely. I'm not a content creator; my art has no value. I'm not even sure if I'm a furry (where's my 'sona?).\n\nWhat am I drawing for? I refuse to sell it, and I don't have any personal reason why I need to illustrate a dumb gag about butter beans. My cartoons have nothing to say. Maybe the Timmy art did, but that's old and done.\nThere's not even any spicy aspect involved---I stopped making uncensored NSFW art over a year ago. I think all I'm really doing these days is showing off my pencil collection.\nIt's not even about my watchers anymore. Lately, I've been letting notes sit unread, often for days at a time before opening them. I don't even know what I'm doing on here most of the time.\n\nSo, I'll draw if I draw, and I'll share if I share. I've only made this announcement as a courtesy to my watchers, as well to enable myself to not feel so bad about my inactivity.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "So... Where's the art? Why've I been so inactive?

I tried drawing some Halloween stuff, and I did, but I couldn't bring myself to upload it.

As some readers know, I made a 3-in-1 cartoon for Halloween, showing my main cast in their costumes ...but I hated the art and cut it into confetti (right after going through the trouble of coloring it): https://sta.sh/0mebcbkys1y

So, for my next trick, I thought to make another 3-in-1, ending with a cartoon about the trailer wolves. That one ended with a 'To Be Continued', as I intended to follow it up with a visit from Sweetie story (the wolf mom was finally named AND she received The Golden Candy!).

Then a lack of motivation happened. I allowed Halloween to go by without my intended Sweetie cartoon. All I had was this unfinished scribble from the 3-in-1 to show for it (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/01r0mem7m7a4

Out of spite, I did make a drawing of the wolf mom with Sweetie, though I had no intention of uploading it. I drew it purely out of spite, just so I could say (to myself) that I DID draw Sweetie for Halloween (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/02b92qopqx0d

Even before all this, I was still drawing but not uploading anything.
Here's a piece from a story of the trailer wolves and some butter beans. In it, Mae tricked Lupe into shelling beans for her (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/057pufujswh

Why didn't I upload it?

I didn't like the first panel; wasn't sure if I'd drawn Lupe's pose right. Granted, I have never (and will never) draw anything correctly, but some things bother me more than others.

As for this art, it ALMOST didn't get published at all---I didn't have a satisfying end in mind for it; it was a spite upload: https://inkbunny.net/s/3149306

TL;DR: I 'am' drawing, I'm just destroying the art rather than sharing it.

Longtime watchers have probably noticed some things. For one, I never use 'The Hypothetical Watcher' anymore. I dropped it because what I was writing as the character was actually affecting my self-perception.
I count retiring the Hypothtical as a positive. :3

That said, I still believe everything I wrote for/as The Hypothetical Watcher---I take none of it back.
However, the result of letting the 'character' go has inspired me to let go of something else that's been longstanding: the 'need' to upload.

I still feel guilty when I don't have art to share, but said guilt is lessening by the day. In fact, I'm getting accustomed to, and even a little indulged by, not being as overwhelmed as before.
Even so, when I feel I 'should' draw something (like, most recently, for Halloween), I find I'm mostly unable to draw or upload the art after.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm unsure if I'll have any art for Christmas. I've bought a Christmas ACO from eBay to upload to DA/FA (so I can say I posted SOMEthing), but it's uncertain whether I'll make more art this year. If I draw, then I draw, but I dunno if I'd publish it or keep it published.

Like, I made a gift art for someone the other day---I uploaded it for less than 30 minutes before deleting. The person I made it for saw the drawing (it was of her vixen OC). She liked it, but was upset when I deleted it ...apparently, I didn't give her time to save it (how long does it take to make a damn screen shot?).
I still had the art---I could have uploaded it again to give it to her privately (I in fact DID share it with some select watchers), but I didn't give the art back. In fact, I was somewhat relieved that the recipient didn't have it to upload herself (she alluded that she would've). It was an unexpected opportunity to let the art die (as it should), so I took it.

Do I hate drawing?

Yes.

Trouble is, drawing is one of the VERY few things I know how to do (loosely, anyway) with my spare time that isn't entirely idle.
Like, I walk through the park every day (I have to, for my heart), but aside from that, drawing is all I know how to do.
Once I'm home for the day, all I want to do is sit. Drawing enables me to do that without feeling like I'm completely wasting my time (at least it doesn't feel like a waste while in the act of drawing).

One thing my watchers need to know (if they don't already) is the only reason  almost any of you see my art---the only reason I post to DA, FA and IB, was to prove to my S/O that I couldn't draw (I made ACOs for eBay, believing they wouldn't sell and that would prove my art was bad and without value).
I later used art to explore and understand my sexuality (the Timmy art).

My S/O is deceased; there's nothing to prove, and Timmy served his purpose long ago.

I'd somehow developed a psychosis---some idea that I was a content creator with an audience that I had to please.
But I'm moving past that, slowly but surely. I'm not a content creator; my art has no value. I'm not even sure if I'm a furry (where's my 'sona?).

What am I drawing for? I refuse to sell it, and I don't have any personal reason why I need to illustrate a dumb gag about butter beans. My cartoons have nothing to say. Maybe the Timmy art did, but that's old and done.
There's not even any spicy aspect involved---I stopped making uncensored NSFW art over a year ago. I think all I'm really doing these days is showing off my pencil collection.
It's not even about my watchers anymore. Lately, I've been letting notes sit unread, often for days at a time before opening them. I don't even know what I'm doing on here most of the time.

So, I'll draw if I draw, and I'll share if I share. I've only made this announcement as a courtesy to my watchers, as well to enable myself to not feel so bad about my inactivity.", "writing": "", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "", "pools_count": 1, "title": "SITUATIONAL UPDATE", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "image/jpeg", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "0", "rating_name": "General", "ratings": [], "submission_type_id": "1", "type_name": "Picture/Pinup", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "33", "views": "173" }