{"submission_id":"2044125","keywords":[{"keyword_id":"131876","keyword_name":"edgy","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"179"},{"keyword_id":"1978","keyword_name":"emo","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"1383"},{"keyword_id":"1818","keyword_name":"gun","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"4545"},{"keyword_id":"31707","keyword_name":"rant","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"144"},{"keyword_id":"3682","keyword_name":"uniform","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"3947"},{"keyword_id":"5021","keyword_name":"vent","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"1353"}],"hidden":"f","scraps":"f","favorite":"f","favorites_count":"4","create_datetime":"2019-12-19 04:16:31.77132+01","create_datetime_usertime":"19 Dec 2019 04:16 CET","last_file_update_datetime":"2019-12-19 03:51:33.625925+01","last_file_update_datetime_usertime":"19 Dec 2019 03:51 CET","username":"Hyper1on","user_id":"420115","user_icon_file_name":"177734_Hyper1on_2964325_hyper1on_headshot.png","user_icon_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/177/177734_Hyper1on_2964325_hyper1on_headshot.png","user_icon_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/177/177734_Hyper1on_2964325_hyper1on_headshot.png","user_icon_url_small":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/177/177734_Hyper1on_2964325_hyper1on_headshot.png","file_name":"2954456_Hyper1on_rage.png","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.png","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.png","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.jpg","thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.jpg","thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage_noncustom.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage_noncustom.jpg","thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"112","thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","thumb_large_noncustom_x":"187","thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"280","thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300","files":[{"file_id":"2954456","file_name":"2954456_Hyper1on_rage.png","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.png","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.png","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.jpg","mimetype":"image/png","submission_id":"2044125","user_id":"420115","submission_file_order":"0","full_size_x":"1400","full_size_y":"1500","screen_size_x":"920","screen_size_y":"986","preview_size_x":"280","preview_size_y":"300","initial_file_md5":"86d6a80deb983d2509a6eecc92487b58","full_file_md5":"c8ff4e7f12700f4e109e75e1c0006bf4","large_file_md5":"82ab415c1e97c20a04a3d89f324ae809","small_file_md5":"f6e053704cf9cae7ffd8cd2e13be8c67","thumbnail_md5":"4d79052e97d1b55b53f58cb9ddb580aa","deleted":"f","create_datetime":"2019-12-19 03:51:33.625925+01","create_datetime_usertime":"19 Dec 2019 03:51 CET","thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage.jpg","thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage_noncustom.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/2954/2954456_Hyper1on_rage_noncustom.jpg","thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"112","thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","thumb_large_noncustom_x":"187","thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"280","thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300"}],"pools":[],"description":"NO fancy intros. here I go.\n\nI hope you looked at it. YOU did it. and I'm sick and tired, of ripping skin from myself, of bleeding, of mutilating myself because of what you did to me. you destroyed me, you HUMILIATED me, and your words haunt me. guess what, you were right, words do hurt more than stones. Because after all, this wounds in my arms will go away and maybe leave a nice scar I will look down to and say \"oh, right, fuck me.\"\nBut what you did, doesn't want to leave. This fucking war I rage in my head every time I try to get over it and be myself, this conflict that haunts me, that beats me down all the time, that makes me so so tired, YOU made it happen. \nForgiveness is a thing, but you had the bad luck to do it to someone who was mentally ill. You have to be a disaster to do it to ANYONE, even worse to someone contemplating suicide. If i was fine, I would've been pissed, forgotten, forgiven, and moved on. but guess what, I was a psycho.\nI want you to live the thought that if it wasn't for you, my mental state wouldn't have deteriorated to the point of physical and emotional destruction. if it wasn't for you violating me, I would still be studying and doing what I love.\nYou made your fear come true. YOU ALONE managed to do what you wished never happened. And that is, making me wish 3 years of my existence never happened, crying for having lived them, and being haunted to this fucking day.\nI would say, \"suffer like I did\". But no. \nBecause not even the worse of the scum on earth, deserves to be shit on by someone they admired so much.\nI don't want someone you love to destroy you, to dehumanize you, to humiliate you, to violate you.\n\nAnd then you spit out you wish you were depressed so I can forgive your actions. If the only way your actions can be explained is because of you being mentally ill, you might as well fuck off and let others live, because no one deserves dealing with such actions.\nThere, I finally said it directly! maybe now I can rest, maybe now I can be happy. CONGRATULATIONS on dehumanizing someone to the point of them becoming an animal. \nBecause on all of those sleepless nights I hurt myself and smashed the walls, when you dared to hold me, the animal you were containing was the one YOU CREATED.\nYou destroyed me.\nAnd if there's something you did endlessly, is haunt my with the thought of what is the coolest way to kill myself. \nI thought I could move on, but every time, your words come back and fuck me. I tried, I tried so many different things, even isolating myself, and still, I am destroyed.\nA drive to the hospital doesn't change the fact that I am bleeding. A cured bleeding doesn't change the fact that my insides are damaged. I am so sad, so sad the bullet didn't kill me.\nOnto other territory, one of the most fucking embarrassing things I ever did, one of the most PATHETIC things I ever had to do, in relationship terms, is explain to someone why sex is something one expects from a partner even if just a pathetic small fraction of it. FUCK. OFF. Cause you know what? my sexuality is fucked now, I hate sex, I hate eroticism, I HATE PORN, I HATE SEXUALITY.\nOh my gooosh? am i not what you wanted now? someone who despite being 20 years old, doesn't even THINK about having sex? not only that, but the sole thought of sex makes them crumble, cry, and hurt themsleves?! You should've met me now, woo!!!\nI take pills like a drug lord, I quit college for rehab, I can't stop falling asleep due to the medication.\nI blame you. \nAm I being unfair? yes. Do I care? at this point, FUCK NO, is it so wrong to be the evil one for a change?\nfuck off.\nYou ruined your first most romantic moment? boo hoo, you did it to yourself. now imagine having someone ruin your life when you were looking for help, THAT's fucking sad.\n\nI said bye to all those things i loved, but you hated. at the cost of my life. \nbut they aren't there anymore, AND YOU ARE TO FUCKING BLAME, I WISH YOU COULD HEAR ME SHOUT IT AT YOU.\nBut they aren't there anymore. are you happy?\nI sure hope so, I really, sincerely, wholeheartedly do. \nBecause if not, \n\nyou killed me for no reason.\n\nYours truly. \n\n\n","description_bbcode_parsed":"NO fancy intros. here I go.
I hope you looked at it. YOU did it. and I'm sick and tired, of ripping skin from myself, of bleeding, of mutilating myself because of what you did to me. you destroyed me, you HUMILIATED me, and your words haunt me. guess what, you were right, words do hurt more than stones. Because after all, this wounds in my arms will go away and maybe leave a nice scar I will look down to and say "oh, right, fuck me."
But what you did, doesn't want to leave. This fucking war I rage in my head every time I try to get over it and be myself, this conflict that haunts me, that beats me down all the time, that makes me so so tired, YOU made it happen.
Forgiveness is a thing, but you had the bad luck to do it to someone who was mentally ill. You have to be a disaster to do it to ANYONE, even worse to someone contemplating suicide. If i was fine, I would've been pissed, forgotten, forgiven, and moved on. but guess what, I was a psycho.
I want you to live the thought that if it wasn't for you, my mental state wouldn't have deteriorated to the point of physical and emotional destruction. if it wasn't for you violating me, I would still be studying and doing what I love.
You made your fear come true. YOU ALONE managed to do what you wished never happened. And that is, making me wish 3 years of my existence never happened, crying for having lived them, and being haunted to this fucking day.
I would say, "suffer like I did". But no.
Because not even the worse of the scum on earth, deserves to be shit on by someone they admired so much.
I don't want someone you love to destroy you, to dehumanize you, to humiliate you, to violate you.
And then you spit out you wish you were depressed so I can forgive your actions. If the only way your actions can be explained is because of you being mentally ill, you might as well fuck off and let others live, because no one deserves dealing with such actions.
There, I finally said it directly! maybe now I can rest, maybe now I can be happy. CONGRATULATIONS on dehumanizing someone to the point of them becoming an animal.
Because on all of those sleepless nights I hurt myself and smashed the walls, when you dared to hold me, the animal you were containing was the one YOU CREATED.
You destroyed me.
And if there's something you did endlessly, is haunt my with the thought of what is the coolest way to kill myself.
I thought I could move on, but every time, your words come back and fuck me. I tried, I tried so many different things, even isolating myself, and still, I am destroyed.
A drive to the hospital doesn't change the fact that I am bleeding. A cured bleeding doesn't change the fact that my insides are damaged. I am so sad, so sad the bullet didn't kill me.
Onto other territory, one of the most fucking embarrassing things I ever did, one of the most PATHETIC things I ever had to do, in relationship terms, is explain to someone why sex is something one expects from a partner even if just a pathetic small fraction of it. FUCK. OFF. Cause you know what? my sexuality is fucked now, I hate sex, I hate eroticism, I HATE PORN, I HATE SEXUALITY.
Oh my gooosh? am i not what you wanted now? someone who despite being 20 years old, doesn't even THINK about having sex? not only that, but the sole thought of sex makes them crumble, cry, and hurt themsleves?! You should've met me now, woo!!!
I take pills like a drug lord, I quit college for rehab, I can't stop falling asleep due to the medication.
I blame you.
Am I being unfair? yes. Do I care? at this point, FUCK NO, is it so wrong to be the evil one for a change?
fuck off.
You ruined your first most romantic moment? boo hoo, you did it to yourself. now imagine having someone ruin your life when you were looking for help, THAT's fucking sad.
I said bye to all those things i loved, but you hated. at the cost of my life.
but they aren't there anymore, AND YOU ARE TO FUCKING BLAME, I WISH YOU COULD HEAR ME SHOUT IT AT YOU.
But they aren't there anymore. are you happy?
I sure hope so, I really, sincerely, wholeheartedly do.
Because if not,
you killed me for no reason.
Yours truly.
","writing":"","writing_bbcode_parsed":"","pools_count":0,"title":"Yours truly (An unprecedented rant/vent)","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"image/png","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"1","rating_name":"Mature","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"3","name":"Violence","description":"Mild violence","rating_id":"1"}],"submission_type_id":"1","type_name":"Picture/Pinup","guest_block":"f","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"1","views":"81","sales_description":null,"forsale":"f","digitalsales":"f","printsales":"f","digital_price":""}