Chapter 16-
Leo’s eyes opened for the second time that day. Was it even the same day? He didn’t know what day it was. Was it the week day or the weekend? His inner calendar was completely jumbled. It would take him forever to--
Leo’s thoughts screeched to a sudden stop when his eyes landed on Raph. It took him a moment to remember the events of the last few hours. Or perhaps it was days? He wouldn’t know. Instead, he took in the sight of Raph sitting beside him. His pine green skin was paler than he remembered it being. Reminding him of the shade of his own skin . . . if he had skin. Dark circles took territory under his blood-shot emerald eyes. He looked so tired. So tired he wouldn’t be surprised if he toppled over right now from exhaustion. It was only now he realized, after fully scanning Raph's body, he was beaten up. Places on his body were either wrapped or bruised. His wrist encased in a brace. Gauze tapped onto his nose. His bottom lip split. He appeared to be the outcome of a rough battle. When had that happen? Regret swelled in Leo’s chest for not being able to be there to guard Raph’s back as his number one job was supposed to be.
\tHe watched as Raph’s eyes moved in a straight line than back again as if he was reading something he couldn’t see. Totally unware of his awaking. He smiled at the contempt look Raph held despite the obvious, desperate need for sleep. He suddenly had the urge to kiss him.
\t“Raph . . .” He tried calling out, only for it to be smothered by a fit of coughs. His throat felt like it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper. Yep, he had lost his voice.
\t“Leo!” He heard Raph gasp beside him. Paper flinging in the air and landing crumpled on the ground. Perhaps a magazine? Hands held his shoulders in support and comfort as he hacked his lungs out.
\t“Water . . .” He croaked once the coughs finally died down. Unable to keep from grumbling in disappointment as Raph’s hands left him to go retrieve his request. This was not how he pictured their reconcile. His version consisted of a lot more touching and less hurting.
\tBy the time he finished his irritable thought, Raph was back at his side with a glass of water in hand. Leo didn’t wait for him to pass it over. He snatched it out of his grip and practically spilled half of it on himself as he chugged the rest down vigorously. The liquid soothing against his dry throat.
\tRaph chuckled. “Damn Leo. You’re getting more on yourself than in you. Drink slower.” He commanded. Removing the knitted blanket that was on top of him. “Shoot. You soaked your bandages. I just changed those.”
\tLeo choked. Once again sending himself into another coughing fit. His lungs still achy from the first.
\t“I said slow.” Raph huffed. Extracting the cup from his hands while another hand rubbed the back of his shell.
\t“You what?” He forced out between pants.
\t“What?”
\t“Y-You changed *cough* bandages?”
\t“Yes. Of course, I did. You were half way out of them when you were running from Ax.”
\t“You saw?” Leo stared down at his wrapped hands. He couldn’t see any sign of muscle. The cloth had been dressed tight and layered.
\t“I can’t imagine not seeing. It was already hard enough wrapping fingers and toes while looking.” Though the comment sounded amused, Raph’s voice was laced with a hint of grief, but he didn’t sound disgusted. “I was surprised though. You were healing fast. You already got your first layer of skin back. Don said it might take another month before you fully recover. You should start attaining color in a week or so.”
\tLeo glanced to Raph. His lips pulled in a tight frown. “H-How did it look?”
\tRaph sighed. Sitting down on the edge of the bed beside him. “Honestly? Like a pink turtle.”
\tDespite himself, Leo giggled. “I’m serious.”
\t“I am too! You seriously looked like a turtle dyed pink!” Raph appeared offended that he would assume he was joking.
\t“Did it . . . disturb you?”
\t“I’m not a cardiothoracic surgeon or anything, but I’m not squeamish either.”
\tLeo smiled. “Big word.”
\t“Blame Don.” Raph returned the infectious smile. He was telling the truth though. After seeing body parts chopped off and stored in a freezer and jars. Leo’s condition was hardly something to get queasy about. Mikey, however, gets ill over everything. He was surprised he doesn’t faint at the sight of his own blood. How he play’s those gruesome action games, he’ll never know.
\tDespite his efforts to take Leo’s mind off the topic of himself, he knew his injuries were bothering him. He wondered if he ever saw himself.
\t“Leo, I’m not going to lie to you and say you look just fine to me. Cause you don’t. No one would in your case, but you have got to understand that this is only temporary. You’re healing from injuries and from what I can understand from Don’s medical rambling, a lot faster than anyone else would have normally. You know, if they could survive without infection of course.” Raph took Leo’s hand in his own. Giving it a tight comforting squeeze.
“You’ll get through it, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. Promise.”
Leo silently looked up at him. His expression thoughtful. “So . . . if I asked you to kiss me, would you be disgusted?”
Raph smiled. Wanting to laugh at the ridiculousness of that question, but quickly thought better of it. In truth, it probably was disgusting to want to kiss someone who has no skin, but that didn’t bother him in the least. The worst of Leo’s wounds were covered and he still retained his lips. He had been waiting for three months to have Leo back where he belonged and he’ll be damned if he was going to allow his wounds to stop him when he had all the tools required.
Deciding verbally expressing his answer was too overrated, he slid a hand to the back of Leo’s neck and pulled him over. Their lips meeting at the center for a kiss he started out as gentle and slow. Raph allowing his lips to linger across Leo’s, licking a trail across his mouth before slowly slipping his tongue in. Tasting that spicy flavor mixed with some kind of herb Raph guessed was from the tea he drank that now became his natural flavor. He couldn’t describe the uniqueness of Leo with words, but he loved it all the same.
A little moan escaped him unintentionally. This was what he missed. This was what he craved. Heat poured into him and exchanged with Leo. Feeling Leo’s arms slip around his abdomen, pressing back against him with as much need that spurred Raph forward. The kiss quickly becoming more demanding. Taking. Giving. Everything felt so natural, yet as exciting as their first exploration. Leo was as much a part of him as his prosthetics. He needed them as much as he needed Leo.
Raph pulled him tighter against him. Their body’s fitting together just perfectly even with the awkward angle. In return, Leo pulled on him with strength that surprised him under the circumstances. His hands quickly catching himself on the cot Leo laid on before he could crush him with his weight.
They separated just long enough for Raph to adjust himself so he hovered over Leo before claiming his mouth again. His legs straddling his hips, his arms placed on either side of Leo’s head, holding himself up.
He absolutely adored the way Leo responded with such desire and passion every time he did this. Simply wiping away any shred of control or reasonable thoughts from him like Windex. Loved how only he was capable of that. He didn’t want rational Leo at this moment. He wanted needy, aroused, and lustful Leo. Judging by the sound of his moan, he had received just that.
Raph parted from him to catch his breath, nibbling on Leo’s lower lip. Grinning wickedly as he felt the body under him wiggle against him.
“Damn . . .” Leo gasped. Eyes amazed as they fixated on him. “W-Where did you l-learn to do that?”
Wow. What a boner killer. Raph hid his head in the crook of Leo’s neck. Preventing him from seeing his pained expression at being reminded of his (not deliberate.) betrayal. They might not be together as a couple, but there was no hope of it now if Leo knew about this.
He had to tell him.
He couldn’t.
Couldn’t lie to him.
Couldn’t see his reaction.
How on earth was he going to fix this and still keep Leo in the end?
The answer was simple; he couldn’t. Couldn’t have both. The thought sickened him. He had very few options. None ending well for him.
“Raph?”
He wouldn’t tell him now. Not after all Leo’s been through. He had to stay with him. He had promised to remain at his side for all the healing process and he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him in his time of need. Even if he didn’t want him there.
He would keep silent. For now. As soon as Leo had his skin back and was on his feet again. Capable of taking care of himself, he will then spill the truth of what he had done. Face the music of Leo’s rage, then leave so he wouldn’t have to torture him with his presence. He was sure anything he would need after that; his brothers could handle. Once he left, he could dedicate his full attention to removing Nak’ir off the face of the universe. Forever. Yes, he was going to kill him. For Leo’s protection and for anyone else’s that would soon become his next victim. He knew the guy was too far gone for any punishment to be effective. Keeping him alive would only result in hundreds of innocent deaths. Even if that meant his own in exchange.
“Raph!” Leo called out a little louder. Nudging his shoulder against his forehead. Snapping Raph’s attention back to reality. “What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?” Leo asked when Raph finally had the guts to meet that sapphire gaze. He smiled at the irony. Leo was the worst injured and he was asking if he was okay. The answer was no. He was not okay. But Leo will never know that.
“I’m fine, love.”
Leo blinked. “Love?”
Raph smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his temple. It was the perfect nickname for him, because it was exactly what he felt for him. Love. He loved him. “We never agreed nicknames were off limits.”
“That’s because you ignore those limits anyway.” Leo scoffed. His body shivering to the touch. “But isn’t Love a little too . . . intimate?”
Exactly. “So?”
“We aren’t exactly together Raph. You know that. Wouldn’t calling me that have others getting the wrong idea?”
There was nothing wrong about that. “I don’t care what others think.”
Leo rolled his eyes. “You never do. But I do.”
“You shouldn’t either.” Raph whispered against the corner of Leo’s mouth. Wishing he could have skin to skin contact. Curse Nak’ir for taking that away.
“Wasn’t Babe enough for you?”
Raph chuckled. “I only use that when I’m teasing you. Love is for moments like these. When we’re alone. When I have you wrapped in my arms and I’m kissing every inch of you. All the way down, down. Nibbling your thighs. My fingers fondling your cute little tail. My mouth moving slightly upwards so I can suck your . . .”
“Raph!” He guessed that was supposed to be a snap but Leo’s voice ended up a little breathless.
Raph sniggered. His tone husky as he trailed his lips across Leo’s nose and brushed them against his lips, teasingly. Pulling away when he attempted to kiss him. Smirking as he pictured him being flushed under all that cloth. His sapphire eyes were hooded and smoky with such sweet arousal.
“You know you love the nickname Leo. If you don’t, you better be quick to get used to it.” Cause he was going to call him that for the rest of the days he was here.
“Knowing you, there’s no use in arguing.” Leo smiled. Declaring his defeat.
“Don’t worry, Leo. I won’t let you regret it.” Raph promised. Nuzzling Leo’s throat. Earning a hum in response.
Raph collected his and Leo’s plates from the dining table after they had finished their meal. Quickly washing away the grime from them and putting them away. Leo was already standing up, staring at Raph as he came back to his side. Whatever conversation had been going on between him and Splinter obviously ended. Knowing that he wasn’t interrupting, Raph placed his hands on Leo’s shoulders and kissed his temple.
Normally, he would escort Leo upstairs to their room where he would hold Leo tightly in his arms and watch him fall into a deep, dreamless sleep as he been doing for the past two nights. Watching him sleep with love and admiration. Savoring every moment, he had with him. Because all of those were going to be his favorite when he leaves. But not tonight. He would have to hold off cuddling with him for now. There was stuff he needed to get done.
“I’ll meet you upstairs, love. I’ve got to do a few things.” He whispered against the same temple he kissed. He was no longer hiding his affections towards Leo. Not because he didn’t respect the rest of his family. He held himself back from passionate kisses and inappropriate touching. Despite wanting to so badly. He no longer hid the fact that Leo was his and he adored him. He wasn’t wasting energy on that. Even with the glares Leo shot him whenever he kissed him in public attention or when he wrapped an arm around his waist, or took his hand in his. Leo never yanked away from him.
Now, however, he wasn’t glaring. Just staring at him with curiosity and a smidge of worry. “What things do you have to do?”
“I need to talk to Don about you and a certain someone I’m not going to name now.” He replied honestly. Leo hesitated but nodded.
“Alright.” Raph watched Leo hobble down the hall. Splinter following him in chance he required aid. It impressed him how quickly Leo was recovering. Other than the fact he didn’t like being left alone for long and tended to be a bit irritable at times from the healing process, he seemed to be handling the mental trauma very well. Better than him.
The physical trauma wasn’t half bad either. Leo could walk now that his muscles loosened and the soreness eventually went away. They kept him stacked on pain killer for most of the time. Raph could hardly wait till they could strip Leo of his bandages and can touch his skin again. However, he wanted to wait. The sooner Leo recovered. The sooner he would have to tell him the truth and leave him. He frowned grimly.
“You needed to talk to me?” Don asked. Coming up from behind him. Raph turned.
“Yeah, what are we going to do about Ax?” Raph questioned. Scowling as said person popped into his brain. Making it worse that he didn’t know how else to picture him other than himself or as Leo.
“We got him chained up in the garage. We can’t keep him there forever. It’s not sound proof so when he starts having tantrums, we have to gag him. One day though, that’s bound to draw attention.”
Raph nodded.
“We can’t dump him in jail here but maybe we could on some other planet?” Mikey suggested. “We could see about contacting Honeycutt.”
“That’s an idea.” Don agreed. Smiling fondly at Mikey.
“Once we get Nak’ir captured, we can do the same thing with him. We can seek out a high-tech jail or something.”
“Right.” Raph nodded again. His brothers did not know of his plans nor was he sure he wanted to tell them. All four of them were raised not to kill. But there had to be limits to how much mercy you can show a man and Nak’ir was that limit. Just like Shredder; execution was the best option. He wasn’t going to fight five, ten, fifteen battles with the same enemy repeatedly to figure that out.
“How are we going to capture him?” Both brother’s eyes turned to him and his shoulders slumped in response. Leo was obviously still not in shape to take back the Leader title. Of course, he didn’t want to have Leo deal with Nak’ir anyway. He wanted Leo as far away from him as possible. He wondered momentarily if there was a chance he could send him up with April and Casey. He would be perfectly safe with them. He dismissed the thought, remembering they were visiting Casey’s family.
There was no decision to make. While he kept Leo under his watchful eye, he was keeping the Leader title till the Nak’ir threat was permanently terminated. Then, when he was healed and Raph left their home, Leo would be back as Leader as should be.
Straightening up, he formed a plan in his mind. “Don, figure out Nak’ir’s new hide out. We’ll deal with any security once we researched the place.”
“We’re going to need help.” Mikey pointed out.
“We have plenty.” Raph nodded. He’ll contact the Mutanimals. They were their strongest backup they had. Surely they would be all they needed to put Nak’ir away. The man was strong and skilled, but he wasn’t God. “Mikey, do you think you can take care of Ax tonight? I will take over for you tomorrow.”
Mikey didn’t protest. He nodded and left the kitchen.
Raph turned to Don and grabbed him by the shoulder. Hauling him into the lab. Ignoring the questions as he closed the door, locking it in case of eavesdroppers. “What is it now Raph?” Don sighed. Recognizing the same action of wanting to talk privately.
Raph exhaled slowly. His hand sliding away from the handle and dangling at his side. He pressed his forehead against the door. He needed insight so badly.
“Raph?” Don’s tone softened. Now sensing the despair wafting from his brother. A lot of it. It surprised him.
“I really did it now Don.” Raph murmured. His voice weak and brittle. His shoulders slumped and regret filled his down casted eyes. It must be bad. Don thought with a tight frown.
“What happened?”
“I had to tell somebody.” Raph muttered, more to himself than to Don.
“What is it?” He repeated. Wondering what on earth could make this turtle depressed when he had been so happy not but a few minutes ago with Leo at his side. It was a picture even Don was fully aware of as right. Raph without a Leo was incomplete. Same goes reversed.
“I screwed up our relationship.”
Don blinked. “What? When did that happen?”
“He doesn’t know about it yet.” Raph’s eyes drifted to him. Giving him the full view of how deep his shame was. “I cheated on him.”
Don cocked his head in confusion. His brows furrowed. “How could you--” Realization dawned on his face. His eyes widened. “Oh Raph no, you didn’t.”
The shame grew. “I didn’t know at the time. Or I should have but chose not to.”
“That’s even worse!” Don threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
“I know! I came to you for advice, not criticism on things I already know!” Raph snapped. His hands fisting and his nostrils flaring. “I assumed we were going through a disagreement or something at the time. I thought sex could fix things. I didn’t want to think that Leo was being impersonated just because he acted funny. That’s like saying Mikey isn’t Mikey because he doesn’t want lunch when he could very well be sick instead.” Raph growled, collapsing in a nearby chair where he buried his head into his waiting hands.
Don frowned. Leaning his hip against the desk as he thought it over.
“I agree. I should have been more aware. I should have seen the signs earlier. But I didn’t.”
Don sighed. Why did his brothers think that just because he understood algorithm he knew how to handle relationship problems? Sure, he skimmed through a psychology text book before on how the human emotions work, but he had never been in a relationship before. Well . . . until recently, but he had yet to experience these problems and hopes he never does. Splinter would know more than he would on this topic.
Nevertheless, he felt compelled to help his brothers whenever they came to him for advice. He didn’t have the guts to refuse them. Half the reason because he didn’t want them refusing him if he asked them for advice. “You said you haven’t told him yet?”
Raph sighed. “I will. Just not now. Not while Leo is like this.”
“You’re not just using that as an excuse to keep from telling him, are you?”
“No . . . yes. A little. I promised Leo I would help him through his healing. You know I keep my promises Don.”
Don nodded. They all did. “So when are you going to tell him then? Keep in mind, sooner is always better than later.”
“When he doesn’t need my help anymore.”
“Then what?”
“After I tell him. I’ll leave . . .”
“What?” Don looked incredulous. “You can’t leave!”
“Why not?”
“Because Leo will still need you! We will need you!”
“For?” Raph raised an eye ridge.
Don growled in irritation. “What do mean “for”? For the team! You see how well we operate with just three! We nearly got our asses handed to us on a silver platter. And knowing Nak’ir, I mean literally.”
Raph scoffed and waved that away. “You can operate just fine. Especially with Leo as Leader. If worst come to worst, you can call the Mutanimals.”
“Oh you are a sad, sad, man.” Don shook his head.
Raph glared. “Leo won’t want me around after he learns the truth.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. What I did was unforgiving.”
“I agree with Leo being upset. Hurt? Yes. Mad? Absolutely. But never want you around? Never forgive you? No. You have to have faith in him.”
Raph shook his head. Closing his eyes and allowing his head to hang. “He won’t forgive me. I can’t even forgive myself. There is no way I can tell him the truth and keep him in the end.”
“I can’t tell you much Raph, other than the fact you shouldn’t be so quick to judge people. I think Leo cares more about you than you give him credit for.” Don patted Raph’s shoulder and was startled to find he was shaking beneath his touch. The strongest, bravest warrior he knew was trembling over the knowledge of losing the one he loves the most. The thought was endearing if not a little upsetting. “I got research to do. You go be with him. Talk to him. You’ll see what I mean.” Don ordered. Helping Raph to his feet and leading him out the door.
Raph stomped his way back to Leo’s room. His mind whirling like a windmill in a hurricane. He honestly wished to have that faith Don was talking about, but it just felt so far out of his reach. Why did everything have to be so hard in his life? Why couldn’t things go easy for once and he could have everything without constantly having risks of something taking it away from him?
He stopped at the doorway, watching Leo laying on the bed, his head buried in one of the books he had collected. A content look on his face. Raph couldn’t help himself. He smiled. Leo chasing away the dark cloud that loomed over him. God, how he loved this turtle.
Already sensing his presence without him making a noise like the skilled ninja he was, Leo glanced away from his book and smiled back at him. Tension lines that grooved around his eyes and forehead, smoothing out.
“You’re awake.” Raph said as he stepped into the room. Swinging the door closed behind him.
“Keep it open.” Leo commanded. Stopping Raph before the door could click. He reopened it, recalling Leo’s familiar need to always have an opening in any room. Even the dojo door had to be kept open when he was meditating and he couldn’t blame him.
“I thought you’d be asleep by now.” Raph murmured. Stalking over to the left side of the bed. He crawled onto the mattress, leaning over to place a kiss on his cheek.
“Couldn’t.” Leo answered simply. His mouth pressed in a thin line. He shut the book closed and plopped it on the nightstand. “Can now.”
Raph chuckled as he sunk onto the bed next to Leo. Slinging an arm around him, he pulled him into his plastron. Nuzzling his nose in Leo’s neck. Placing another soft kiss on his jawline. Leo glanced at him over his shoulder.
“Is it just me or did you get sappier over the past three months?” Leo smirked.
Raph shrugged nonchalantly. He supposed he did. Purposely. Three months ago, he wasn’t so clingy. Three months ago, he would have been embarrassed to kiss Leo in front of their family. Three months ago, he wasn’t in love with Leo. Or perhaps he was and he was only aware of it now. “Is it a problem?”
“No. No. It’s just . . . unusual coming from you. I didn’t think you liked displays of affection any farther than romping between the sheets.”
“I didn’t. But then, I didn’t have you for three months.” Actually, it was two if you didn’t count the month Ax was here impersonating Leo under their noses.
“Ah. So, this is results of loneliness.” Leo chuckled at the glare sent his way.
“I missed you, yes. But this isn’t result of anything.” Just pure sickening love.
“So is this going to end anytime soon?”
“You love it. Don’t deny it.”
“I never said I hated it. Just wondering if this is permanent or temporary.”
“You can stop calling it “this” now. It’s a display of affection, yes and you can bet your pretty green butt it is permanent. Get used to it.”
Leo laughed. “I think I already am.”
“Then why do you keep glaring at me when I kiss you?”
“Cause your smug face is incredibly amusing and sexy.”
He really could not help himself. He loved the praise Leo would give him. He basked in the raise of Leo’s attention. It gave him the urge to puff out his chest in pride. It’s going to be so sad when he never gets to hear another praise from him again. “Yeah, like that.” Leo’s voice brought his attention back on the turtle he held.
Raph smirked. “Sexy huh?”
“You’re fishing for compliments again.” A statement. Not a question.
“Maybe.”
“Isn’t your ego big enough?”
Raph pulled Leo onto his lap so he loomed above him. “What if I told you how sexy you are for a change?” His voice lowered to a smoky tone. He didn’t give Leo nearly as many compliments as he so rightly deserved. Those blue eyes widened and he knew for a fact there would have been a blush under those dang bandages.
“You do remember my injuries under here, right?”
“Only for now, but I know your body well enough that once it heals, you’re going to be so soft and beautiful again. Once we get you into training, you’ll be your right size. Then I can trace your muscles with my tongue, just how you like it.” As if to show what he meant, he trailed his fingers across Leo’s arms in the pattern he imagined his tongue doing. It surprised him how much he missed Leo’s muscles. The turtle was originally leaner than him to begin with, but his body was that perfect size. He wasn’t hulking but he wasn’t a weakling either. He would get him back to that before he left. He swore by it.
Raph felt himself grow hard as he watched Leo shiver when his fingers traced up to his shoulder. Grateful Leo’s nerve endings kept. “Once these bandages are off. I’ll show you just how much I love your body. Every inch of it.”
“Quit it!” Leo snapped. His voice a strangled whine. Raph blinked. “Stop making me aroused when you know I’m prevented from doing anything!”
Raph sniggered. “Ya hot?”
Leo growled. “Yes. Now stop it.”
He only grew harder. “What’re you thinking about?”
“Thinking about kicking you out.”
Raph laughed. “What would you do once I’m out?”
Leo huffed. “Want you back in here.”
“Good. Cause I’m not planning on going anywhere anyway.” Raph whispered. Nipping Leo’s bottom lip. “And who said you can’t do anything?”
“Evidently logic.” Leo answered sarcastically. Making Raph grin.
“Leo, our existence fights logic. I can show you a thing or two without having you move an inch. Well . . . maybe not. You’ll be squirming and thrusting your hips a lot. You took a pain killer, right?”
“Is there no filter in you anywhere? And, yes I did.”
Raph smirked. “Nope. S’your fault.” He said, flipping them over so he could slide down Leo’s body.
\t
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