{"submission_id":"1241290","keywords":[{"keyword_id":"4541","keyword_name":"donatello","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"3002"},{"keyword_id":"1108","keyword_name":"gore","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"4777"},{"keyword_id":"1670","keyword_name":"horror","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"2265"},{"keyword_id":"26978","keyword_name":"leonardo","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"3564"},{"keyword_id":"10308","keyword_name":"male/male","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"56647"},{"keyword_id":"3607","keyword_name":"michelangelo","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"2423"},{"keyword_id":"14156","keyword_name":"nightmares","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"79"},{"keyword_id":"16233","keyword_name":"raphael","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"3896"},{"keyword_id":"78011","keyword_name":"raph/leo","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"262"},{"keyword_id":"23646","keyword_name":"splinter","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"653"},{"keyword_id":"75373","keyword_name":"t-cest","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"670"},{"keyword_id":"18653","keyword_name":"teenage mutant ninja turtles","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"4883"},{"keyword_id":"117250","keyword_name":"tmnt 2012","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"1345"},{"keyword_id":"1655","keyword_name":"torture","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"2601"},{"keyword_id":"3618","keyword_name":"turtlecest","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"2408"}],"hidden":"t","scraps":"f","favorite":"f","favorites_count":"4","create_datetime":"2016-11-28 16:00:36.717614+01","create_datetime_usertime":"28 Nov 2016 16:00 CET","last_file_update_datetime":"2016-11-28 15:13:10.487165+01","last_file_update_datetime_usertime":"28 Nov 2016 15:13 CET","username":"Hurricane2813","user_id":"299287","user_icon_file_name":"120767_jkathurricane2813_relationship_with_writing.jpg","user_icon_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/120/120767_jkathurricane2813_relationship_with_writing.jpg","user_icon_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/120/120767_jkathurricane2813_relationship_with_writing.jpg","user_icon_url_small":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/120/120767_jkathurricane2813_relationship_with_writing.jpg","file_name":"1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.jpg","thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.jpg","thumb_huge_x":"259","thumb_huge_y":"194","thumb_large_x":"200","thumb_large_y":"150","thumb_medium_x":"120","thumb_medium_y":"90","files":[{"file_id":"1734585","file_name":"1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.rtf","mimetype":"text/rtf","submission_id":"1241290","user_id":"299287","submission_file_order":"0","full_size_x":null,"full_size_y":null,"screen_size_x":null,"screen_size_y":null,"preview_size_x":null,"preview_size_y":null,"initial_file_md5":"355334bb29be9d963f4305e939b453bd","full_file_md5":"355334bb29be9d963f4305e939b453bd","large_file_md5":"","small_file_md5":"","thumbnail_md5":"38e0b0fd19c826324b2c37c2396c14b5","deleted":"f","create_datetime":"2016-11-28 15:13:10.487165+01","create_datetime_usertime":"28 Nov 2016 15:13 CET","thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.jpg","thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1734/1734585_jkathurricane2813_ch_9-_how_naive.jpg","thumb_huge_x":"259","thumb_huge_y":"194","thumb_large_x":"200","thumb_large_y":"150","thumb_medium_x":"120","thumb_medium_y":"90"}],"pools":[{"pool_id":"41365","name":"Stranger Under My Skin","description":"Completed - Summary in description . . .\n","count":"24","submission_left_submission_id":"1239159","submission_left_file_name":"1731257_jkathurricane2813_ch_7-_nameless.rtf","submission_left_thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1731/1731257_jkathurricane2813_ch_7-_nameless.jpg","submission_left_thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1731/1731257_jkathurricane2813_ch_7-_nameless.jpg","submission_left_thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1731/1731257_jkathurricane2813_ch_7-_nameless.jpg","submission_left_thumb_huge_x":"259","submission_left_thumb_huge_y":"194","submission_left_thumb_large_x":"200","submission_left_thumb_large_y":"150","submission_left_thumb_medium_x":"120","submission_left_thumb_medium_y":"90","submission_right_submission_id":"1242695","submission_right_file_name":"1736604_jkathurricane2813_ch_10-_just_dont_mention_it.rtf","submission_right_thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1736/1736604_jkathurricane2813_ch_10-_just_dont_mention_it.jpg","submission_right_thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1736/1736604_jkathurricane2813_ch_10-_just_dont_mention_it.jpg","submission_right_thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1736/1736604_jkathurricane2813_ch_10-_just_dont_mention_it.jpg","submission_right_thumb_huge_x":"259","submission_right_thumb_huge_y":"194","submission_right_thumb_large_x":"200","submission_right_thumb_large_y":"150","submission_right_thumb_medium_x":"120","submission_right_thumb_medium_y":"90"}],"description":"Not that happy of a chapter, I know. Raph gaining back those nightmares he had years ago. Mikey still seems to be a little traumatized, but hey! I laid out a hint of a little something, something going on between Don and Mikey. Though, I won't be writing much about them. This story is just about Leo and Raph. Next chapter will be out on Wednesday and might cheer up for a bit. Please comment & fav! ","description_bbcode_parsed":"<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'>Not that happy of a chapter, I know. Raph gaining back those nightmares he had years ago. Mikey still seems to be a little traumatized, but hey! I laid out a hint of a little something, something going on between Don and Mikey. Though, I won&#039;t be writing much about them. This story is just about Leo and Raph. Next chapter will be out on Wednesday and might cheer up for a bit. Please comment &amp; fav! </span>","writing":"[left]Chapter 9-\n\n\tInstead of going straight to bed, Raph switched directions halfway down the hall and shoved his way through the bathroom door. He couldn’t stand the thought of crawling under his sheets with a layer of dirt, dust, and other things he didn’t care to think about, still caked to his skin. He turned on the water to as hot as he could stand it. Stripping his gear and piling it on the toilet seat.\n\n\tHe glanced at himself in the mirror and was perplexed by what he saw staring back at him. He looked horrible! Past the layers of grime that painted most of his skin brown, he could see how pale he was. Almost a ghostly shade of pastel green. Dark shadows under his eyes made him look sleep deprived and sickly.\n\n\tRaph frowned, creating worry lines on his forehead, eyes, and around his mouth. His lips were chapped and peeling, his eyes bloodshot. Was that really him? He couldn’t even recognize himself!\n\nHis eyes met his own and he stared at the emotions that swirled within their emerald depths. Fear and anger took up the majority of them. What did Leo see in them? He couldn’t help but wonder. Leo had once complimented his eyes before, telling him they were beautiful. He described them as if they were literal gems pasted to his face. Dark, sparkling, rich, so full of life he didn’t see now. At the time, he had taken the compliment with a grain of sand. Scoffing, rolling his eyes, and teasing Leo about being a huge sap. All he saw was green. Just green. Nothing special. People had said the eyes was a doorway to the soul. He saw irises. \n\nNow he saw a lot more than that. He saw death and destruction lingering in the dark pits of his soul through them. He saw a warrior seeking vengeance and blood spill. At the same time he saw a wimp boy who feared the monsters lurking under his bed. Nothing admirable about them. Nothing worthy of Leo’s praise.\n\nHowever, he would give anything to see Leo’s eyes again. [i]Those[/i] were gems worthy of admiration. An endless sea of navy blue you can drown in if you looked too long. Eyes that saw the world not bathed in blood. Eyes that were filled with hopes and dreams. Dreams he wanted to move heaven and earth to fulfill. \n\nHe was not worthy of Leo, yet he felt a determination to fight for however long it takes to win him. Both a curse and a blessing. A sharp pain lanced through his chest.\n\nSteam from the hot water fogged the edges of the window, his reflection blurring. He shook his head and turned away, stepping into the shower stall. Sighing in pleasure as the heated liquid cascaded down his body. Washing away the grime. He leaned his weight against the wall. His palms pressing against the cool subway tile. His eyes down casted to his feet as he watched the brown water stream past him.\n\nGuilt gnawed on his heart as his mind backtracked through the day. Like a demon that sucked out every bit of happiness from him. Leaving behind an emptiness inside him. He could practically hear the wind howling in the hollowness. He had returned to the safety confines of his home without Leo. Had been so close to Leo and had turned his back on him. He had chosen his own safety and protection over him. He should have continued forwards. Should have sent the others back and stayed behind. He knew he couldn’t face Nak’ir head on. Not how he was anyway, but he didn’t have to. He could have sneaked. Could have found where he was keeping Leo, freed him, and carted him away from that nightmare. But he didn’t. He chose to be selfish and leave him behind. What kind of lover was he? \n\nRaph snarled, his forehead pressing against the shower wall. The water beating against his shell. He slammed his fist into the wall, cracking the tile. Little droplets of blood washing off his knuckles. He paid them no heed. Instead, he reached for the bar of soap and proceeded to finish bathing.\n\nOnce done, he shut off the water and stepped out of the stall. Toweling himself dry. He let the towel drape over his shoulders as he scooped up his dirty gear, exiting the bathroom. Steam rolling past his legs as the cold air of the outside chilled his damp skin. He made his way into Leo’s room. His eyes roaming over the area that lacked the owner.\n\nHe tossed the pile into a corner for washing later and dragged himself over to the bed, his mouth arching downwards into a grim frown. He couldn’t lay on these sheets. These sheets were stained of the sin he had committed. He refused to lay on them. Quickly he stripped the mattress and tossed them to the corner for cleaning as well. Still, his frown did not lighten. He eyed the fabric. \n\n[i]Forget washing. Burn them.[/i]\n\nSighing, he took the time to replace the sheets with new, clean ones. They weren’t blue as the last ones were. Just a plain cream color. They would have to do for now.\n\nHe didn’t bother to tuck the sheets, nor even spread them out evenly. Just threw himself onto the mattress and tossed it over himself. He adjusted himself onto his shell, his arms supporting his head. He stared up at the ceiling. He supposed he could have slept in his own room for tonight instead of going through the trouble of changing the bed, but he preferred this room. This was Leo’s room. Decked in stuff Leo loved. He had slept in this room for three years now. Not counting the years before they had destroyed the Earth. He was used to it in here. Used to being surrounded by nothing but Leo. \n\nThough, he did miss his hammock, he’ll admit. The room was too small to transfer it over. Plus, he didn’t like spending the night without Leo in his arms. He could have forced Leo to sleep in his hammock with him, but he remembered how the last time they tried that, went.\n\nIt had been quite amusing. Raph’s mouth quirked into a lopsided smile as he thought back to the multiple spills they took while trying to find the perfect position.  Leo had protested ever since then anytime he brought up the hammock. They hadn’t been able to do anything except lay there once they had finally gotten comfortable. They had been completely trapped; squished up against each other. Which was his point Leo had seemed to miss. Leo was pinned to him with no easy way of getting out. Forced to remain close and in his arms for the rest of the night. Not that he had a problem with beds. He loved beds. They were convenient and comfortable whenever you needed them. Especially when you were in a rush and had no time to adjust in a cramped hammock. Providing just the space you needed for proper balance and penetration.  \n\nHis smile grew into a grin.\n\nWould he ever have another happy memory like that again?\n\nThe guilt he had thought he overcame; returned, and it burned like acid in his chest. Just as quick as his brief moment of happiness came; it left. Squashed by the bitter thoughts of his betrayal. It was all Ax’s fault! No. It was Nak’ir’s fault for hiring Ax to spy on them. For taking Leo away from him.\n\nRaph heaved out a long, loud, dramatic groan. Slapping his hands over his face. He knew the ugly truth. No matter how he tried to reason with it. He should have noticed the difference from the get-go. It shouldn’t have taken him as long as it did to figure it out. Even when things went downhill, he had up and slept with him anyway. Too involved with his own lustful needs to see reason. He was starting to feel like a broken record. \n\nWhat would Leo think of him? He would be angry for starters. He couldn’t see him[i] not[/i] being angry. They weren’t in a real relationship, yes. They made no declaration of loyalty and love past sibling boundaries, but they meant [i]something[/i] to each other. Leo’s feelings did mean something to him.\n\n[i]Yeah, that’s why you betrayed him. [/i]\n\nHe considered momentarily, of simply not mentioning it. It wouldn’t be considered lying. He could just never bring the topic up.\n\nRaph crinkled his nose in disgust. Wouldn’t make it any better and he knew it. Avoiding the inevitable would only make matters worse for himself.\n\nHis only hope was to confess the truth to Leo and then apologize with every ounce of his being. Proclaim his emotional attachment to Leo and afterwards . . . hot, sweaty, make up sex!\n\n[i]You are unbelievable![/i] Raph frowned deeply. Self-loathing sweeping off him and echoing back at him like an orchestra. \n\nHe had to fix this. He didn’t know how, but he was going to. He needed Leo in his life for reasons unknown to him.\nHis mind flittered back to those four years ago when they were in the space ship with Professor Zayton Honeycutt; a.k.a the Fugitoid, after they had destroyed the Earth. They had been through many adventures those four long years of travelling through the galaxies. Fought many battles with the hostile creatures of the planets they were forced to land on.\n\nNothing could overshadow what had happened though, on that one planet they had landed on. They were low on fuel and had picked the closest of planets to disembark. Their original plan was to only stay for a few days to resupply and then be on their way. Little had they known that was all the time that was needed for things to go so horribly wrong. Nak’ir; the ruler of the planet of Daiphus, had first appeared to be peaceful. Welcoming them in with open arms and offering everything they could to help them. Don and Leo had been injured in an accident and had been treated back to health by one of Nak’ir’s healers. How naïve they had been to believe him. By the time they learned the truth, it had been too late. Him, Don, and April had fallen into his trap. Casey had been injured in the fight, but managed to avoid Nak’ir long enough for help to come. Luckily, Mikey had escaped and went to warn Leo and Honeycutt. However, there was nothing they could have done to prevent their fates.\n\nRaph could remember his time in the cold, wet, cramped cages they were locked in. Shackles gnawing into his flesh and bone. Darkness his only companion. Screams of others torture a constant noise during the day. Sobs and pleads all night. He recalled teetering on the brink of insanity. Tortured and humiliated beyond anything he had endured before. Even the need to protect his little brother and April; he considered his sister, had been slowly wasting away from him. The temptation to just crack and be free of his undying pain had been such a sweet offer he almost couldn’t refuse. And he might have not if rescue hadn’t arrived when it did. The rescuing had all been a blur of blood and stone to him. It wasn’t until a couple days of hard resting recovery and multiple blood transfusions before he had awoken.\n\nHe wouldn’t forget though, how easily his world had begun to convalesce as soon as he saw Leo. Almost automatically, he felt more strong and powerful than he had in weeks.\n\nAgain, he had felt that insanity come knocking on his door when they were at the abandon building. Feeding his brain those horrid memories. Even now, he could feel it taunting him in the black corners of his mind. A darkness so evil that engulfed his light and hope in one gulp. The desperation of having Leo back at his side again, where he belonged.\n\nSomething, even to this day, he did not understand. It’s like Leo was the keeper of his sanity. The source of his mind. The core of his world. Why? He feared he would never know. Yet, he had long ago accepted it. It is what it is. \n\nHe wondered if Leo was feeling that right now. Feeling that same evil, mock him, overwhelm him and tempt him like it had done Raph. If he hadn’t cracked already.\n\nRaph shook his head. No. He couldn’t believe that. It was Leonardo he was talking about. The most strong-willed and stubborn turtle he knew. Aside from him, of course.\n\nLeo was okay. He was going to get him back. He swore by it. \n\n\nRaphael sucked in a mouthful of air. His lids flying open wide as he leaped off the bed and to the other side of the room in a matter of seconds. His eyes blinking in surprise when he found his sai palmed and ready for attack without even remembering grabbing it. His eyes adjusted to the darkness that blanketed the room. His heart slowing to a steady pace when he realized he was in a familiar, safe place. Leo’s bedroom.\n\nAdrenaline crashed as his arms fell to his sides. His sai slipping from his grip and clattering on the cement ground. He rubbed the bridge of his nose in hopes to relieve the pain of an oncoming headache. An agitated noise escaping past his lips when it didn’t. He strode back over to his bed, fetching the fallen sheets and pillow from the floor. Flinging them carelessly back on the mattress.\n\nHe glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. Growling in frustration when he discovered he had been asleep for only two hours! Raph sat back on the bed, glaring hotly down at the cement floor that should have melted the stone into molten rock. The memories of his nightmare crawling back to him. A cold dreadful chill riding the waves of his veins, causing goosebumps to rise on his arms. Loneliness strangling him.\n\nA rush of helplessness shackled him as he recalled being in that blasted cage! Blood everywhere. [i]His[/i] blood; oozing out of his wounds and pouring out of the opening where his right leg and left fingers used to be. That headache blossomed behind his eyes and speared to the back of his head as he remembered the agony he had been feeling for countless hours. He had fallen unconscious for only thirty minutes at a time and would wake up with the same pain welcoming him for another hour or so.\n\nHe remembered the chains that had been used to hold him in place when it was his turn. How cold and unforgiving they had been as they cut through his skin and sliced through tendons. Hot blood trekking down his arms that was quickly picked up by that creature’s tongue.\n\nRaphael shivered, fighting a wave of nausea. \n\nDonatello had been with him to witness it all as he had of him. His poor brother dealing with his own sufferings he could not have helped with. His dream had showed Don curled up in the corner of the cage beside him in a fetal position. Blood pooled under him. His shell facing him and showing off the many cuts he had gained. Not being able to hear his cry’s over his own. In the beginning he thought himself lucky for having Don here with him. I[i]diot.[/i]\n\nHe had known reality by the end of it all. He had been useless to Don as Don had been to him. Don having the honor to watch his humiliation. Weakness. Helplessness. Failure. Some big brother he turned out to be.\n\nHe lost the battle. Raph pushed himself off the mattress and stumbled hastily out of the room, down the hall, and into the bathroom. Collapsing on his knees before the toilet. Dumping his lunch into it. \n\nSeveral minutes ticked by before Raph was capable of parting from the toilet long enough to flush it. Exhaustion wrestled him into submission and he rested his head on the side of the toilet bowl seat, not caring what had touched there. He struggled to take deep steady breaths. Hoping to not anger his stomach any further. Finally the acrobats ceased. He sighed, eyes growing heavy.\n\nHis heart leapt once again into a beating frenzy when a hand touched his shoulder. He cringed as his stomach reawakened. Squeezing his eyes shut, he focused all attention on his stomach muscles.\n\n“Sorry Raph. Didn’t mean to startle you.” A gentle whisper he immediately recognized to be Don. Carefully, he turned to his little brother standing before him. \n\n“Did I wake you?” He asked, hoarsely. \n\n“No. Was already awake when I heard you puking. Here.” Don held out two pills and a glass of water to which he accepted gratefully. He murmured a[i] thanks[/i] as he downed the medication. Counting the seconds for the medicine to kick in.\n\n“They should start helping in a few minutes.” \n\nRaph nodded. \n\n“Are you okay?\n\nHe shook his head.\n\n“Want to talk about it?”\n\nAnother shake. “Just a nightmare.” He mumbled. Shrugging it off as if it was no big deal.\n\nDon snorted. “I think I can guess what it’s about.”\n\n“It’s been two years since the last one Don. Why are they here?”\n\n“Well, I assume it’s because of a certain somebody I am not naming, has returned.”\n\n“I suppose. But I should be over this. Shouldn’t I?”\n\n“It was traumatic for the both of us Raph. I still have nightmares myself occasionally.”\n\n“They’re not going away though. They’re getting worse.”\n\nDon frowned. He felt a squeeze to his shoulder. “If I had to guess, our little trip to Nak’ir’s hideout triggered that mental reaction. Your nightmares aren’t a surprise Raph. Fears you thought you conquered have reintroduced themselves. Also, this might have a little something to do with Leo.”\n\n“How?”\n\n“Well, because you keep imagining the things Leo could be going through. After thinking about it so much, you become obsessed and desperate as you remember the details of your own experience.”\n\nRaph frowned. “I’m[i] not[/i] obsessed.”\n\n“Yeah. You are. You’re desperate for Leo to come home. I think it’s a need now.” \n\n“I already established that.” \n\n“Plus, with Leo just gone it leaves you with a sense of loneliness and helplessness.” Which was something he felt not too long ago.\n\n“Like separation anxiety?”\n\n“Mm, kind of. Not really. More like missing someone you love and are worried about them.”\n\n“I don’t [i]love[/i] him. Not in the sense you’re talking about.” Raph groused. Feeling as if he should point that out. Don snorted a laugh and he glared at him.\n\n“Right. Whatever. I assume by your lack of retching you’re feeling better?”\n\nRaph paused. Performing a quick perimeter check of his body. His stomach hadn’t rebelled one bit. He nodded.\n \n“Good. Try to get some sleep.” Don patted his shoulder as he yawned the words. Turning to leave. Raph yawned himself. He did feel better . . . physically. Mentally, he was still in shambles and he had a feeling it would remain that way for the rest of the night. Slowly he pushed himself to his feet. Quickly rinsing off the sweat glistening on his forehead and brushing his teeth before he returned to the bedroom.\n\n\nMorning took its good ol’ sweet time to arrive as Raphael waited impatiently on the bed for the digital clock to turn from two o’ clock to six o’ clock. Being unable to sleep a wink throughout the rest of the night, he was forced to stay awake for every, miserable, second. He had only managed to get five minutes of dozing in. His body was heavy and worthless when he rolled off the mattress. His eyes blood shot and threatened to remain shut with each blink. \n\nHis stomach grumbled for food as the smell of Mikey’s bacon and eggs coated the air. He felt like someone had used his head for a drum set in a late-night performance. Even the pain pills he had taken before heading off to bed had only helped a tiny bit. Not enough for him to be able to sleep.\n\nHe wished he could just stay in bed the entire day but he knew that would be futile. Instead, the need for fuel and an update from Don on the receipts had won him over.\n\nHe didn’t bother picking up the blanket and pillow that he fallen on the floor again, thanks to his tossing and turning. He shuffled his feet across the room. Only stopping to don on his mask. He exited the bedroom and was suddenly hit with a wave of flavorful scent of breakfast. His stomach growled louder.\n\nHe fought the urge to spit nasty things and proceeded down the hall into the kitchen. Mikey stood over the stove. Flipping a couple of over easy eggs in the pan. A plate piled high with cooked bacon strips was already set on the table. \n\n“Morning bro.” Mikey said without casting him a glance.\n\n“Morning Mike.” He responded. Stifling a yawn as he dragged himself to the refrigerator. Preparing himself a tall glass of orange juice. Maybe that will give him the boost he needed.\n\n“How’d ya sleep?” Mikey asked him. Raph practically collapsed in one of the seats at the dining table. He held back a snort.\n\n“Had better nights.”\n\n“Heard you puking last night.”\n\nRaph grimaced at the memory. His fingers tracing the glass. “Did I wake you?”\n\nMikey shook his head. “Don did when he got up to help you. He told me you had a nightmare.”\n\nRaph scowled, opening his mouth to make a retort about Don keeping things to himself. Then quickly shut it as Mikey’s words truly rolled in his head. He stared at his youngest sibling thoughtfully. Don woke him up when he got up to help him? It was the middle of the night and how loud could Don be? [i]He[/i] was the loud one. Even so, why would Don go to Mikey at two o’clock in the morning to update on his health without knowing if he was awake, unless . . .\n\nA sly grin pulled on the corners of his lips. “Don was with you?” He watched Mikey’s shoulders stiffen. Oh yes, he was.\n\n“No . . . well, yes. But only last night . . . for comforting reasons.”\n\n“Right.” Raph nodded. He might have believed him to if it weren’t for the embarrassed stuttering. “So, how did [i]you[/i] sleep?”\n\nMikey shrugged. Scooping up the eggs and tossing them onto a plate. “Good. For the most part.”\n\n“What did Splinter wanted to talk to you about?” Raph couldn’t help but ask. \n\nMikey sighed. “Nothing much.” He insisted. Turning to him. He plopped the plate of eggs down in front of Raph. He frowned as he met a couple of dull icy blue eyes. Devoid of any emotion. Nothing bright and weightless about them as they usually were. His lips were pressed into a thin line. Not curled into a happy smile. Frown lines possessing the corners of his eyes and around his mouth. A look he rarely saw on Mikey and hated the times it was.\n\nBefore even [i]he[/i] registered his movement, he clasped onto Mikey’s wrist before the turtle had the chance of turning away from him.\n\n“Yesterday.” Was all he had to say before the wall around his little brother crumbled. Leaving him exposed and raw of his revulsion and fear that clung to him like a second skin.\n\n“I don’t want to talk about that. I want to just forget about it.”\n\n“I’m sorry Mikey.” He said in his most sincere, if not a little sleep deprived, voice.\n\nMikey quickly shook his head. “Don’t apologize to me for that. I wanted to go in there just as much as you did. We needed to.”\n\n“I know, but--”\n\n“But; nothing Raph. It was horrible, yes and I can’t imagine how it had been for you guys with that sicko. As much as I would like to erase the whole event with a grain of sand. I knew if I had a choice, I would do it all again if it meant rescuing our brother. And I’m not saying that for anyone’s benefit. I mean it.”\n\nRaph stared at the orange clad reptile uncertainly. Slowly prying away his fingers from his wrist. “I didn’t want you to see that.”\n\n“I know. I didn’t either. But it was unavoidable. Don’t worry about me. You got enough on your plate.”\n\nRaph sighed. “At this point I got nothing to do. Not until Don finishes with the receipts.”\n\n“How about trying to sleep? You look terrible, dude. More than usual I mean. You need your strength.”\n\nRaph decided to let the tease slide this one time. One side of his mouth quirking into a lopsided smile. “Maybe I’ll take a nap later.”\n\nMikey nodded. Proceeding to set a plate of eggs and bacon on a tray with orange juice.\n\n“Don not coming?” Raph asked curiously. Gesturing to the tray.\n\n“Hm? Oh, no. This is for Ax. The guy hasn’t eaten for a couple day’s so I decided to give him a little something to keep him conscious. This isn’t a resort for him, mind you.” Oh, yeah. He forgot about Ax. So focused on the current situation, their prisoner had completely slipped his mind. “We seriously need to get ourselves a cell of some sort. That way we have a suitable place to stash the people we kidnap.” Mikey rambled. “We have three spare rooms. Two are guest bedrooms and one is storage. Maybe we can turn one of them into a cell. I should ask Don about that.”\n\nRaph chuckled and shook his head at his youngest sibling staring up at the ceiling, imaging as he always did. He quickly chugged down on his orange juice. Soothing the hunger cramps. He rose from the chair, his knees no longer wobbling. He had to admit, their own personal cell would be very useful. That way they could keep prisoners and they wouldn’t be in his way all the time. Because he sure as hell was not going to work out with their enemy’s as his audience. Unless, of course, he was trying to intimidate them.\n\n“You should. In fact, I’ll go deliver this while you talk with him.” Mikey blinked, startled out of his thoughts as Raph stole the tray from his hands. He didn’t wait for a reply as he swiftly left the kitchen and entered into the dojo where Ax’ honatain still sat against his will. He wanted a couple more answers from him that he managed to avoid the last time they had a confrontation.\n\nThe fact that he looked so much like Leo was beginning to pester him more and more. His heart, body, and mind yearned for Leo’s return and here, a spitting image of him was bound to a chair. Sporting large dark bruises over his cheeks. One eye swollen shut. The faintest of red, stained the tatami mats surrounding him. He didn’t dare temptation to lure him again, but it was tearing him apart having to see him though.\n\nAx hadn’t looked at him. Hadn’t even twitch in acknowledgement to his presence, but Raph knew he knew he was here. Only when he set the tray down at his feet did Ax finally look at him. \n\n“Brought me breakfast? How sweet.” \n\nRaph flinched. Oh god, that voice. He shoved that to the back of his mind. He could so easily persuade himself this was Leo right now. He grounded his molars and steeled his face. \n\n“Uh, hello? Anybody home?”\n\nHe stood back up and stepped away from him. Folding his arms over his chest.\n\n“Oh good. So you are listening.”\n\n“How do you do that?” Raph repeated the question he had asked a few days ago. Ignoring any other snide comments, he had for him.\n\n“Do what?” Ax blinked innocently. \n\nRaph growled. “Your appearance. Your voice. How do you do that?”\n\n“You [i]really[/i] want to know?”\n\n“Just answer the damn question.” He grounded out.\n\nAx smirked. Leaning closer to him. “It’s a secret.” He whispered.\n\nRaph leaned forward to him as well. Certain his eyes were flaming as much as the hot anger was stewing inside him. He reached up and stroked a rough, unforgiving hand across one of Ax’s swollen cheeks. Watching with mild entertainment as he hissed and jerked away from him.\n\n“Would you rather get another beating right here?” He stabbed that finger into the same cheek. Ax howled, tugging against his ropes. He rubbed a soothing hand over the injured cheek, ignoring the stabbing pain of Leo’s tortured voice as he waited for Ax to calm.\n\n“Awe, that was just a finger. Imagine a punch.”\n\nAx glared hot daggers at him. “You will pay. Everything you do to me; I will do ten times worse to you!”\n\nRaph rolled his eyes, waving away the threat. “That’s okay. I was already planning on killing you anyway.”\n\n“Then do it. Come on, tough guy! Kill me. Rid yourself of my rotten presence. Make peace with your conscious.” A smug smile crept across Ax’s lips. Laced with hatred, disgust, and pride. “That’s right. You can’t. I know you and your family too well. Your father raised you to be a goody-goody. A pussy. Incapable of crushing a bug under you heel, let alone stabbing someone. Because, fun fact of Raphael 101; he screams like a little girl at any sign of a small, helpless, bug.” Ax threw his head back in a guffaw. Eyes gleaming with amusement and delight.\n\nRaph snarled, grabbing the rope that held Ax in place. He punched him. Punched him again. Over and over, anywhere along his body. Avoiding the face on purpose. Each attack knocking the wind out of Ax. He took pleasure out of his pain. His heart thudding in his chest, screaming at him to stop hurting Leo. His mind laughing joyously. Telling him to keep going. More. More. More!\n\n He listened to his mind.\n\n“Raphael!” A loud bellow fished back his sanity. Shoving him into reality. He stopped. Relieving the limp and half unconscious Ax. He pried his hold of the ropes and stepped back. Looking over the more wounds he had gifted him with. He could feel his knuckles coated in warmth. His shoulders rising and falling to the rhythm of his pants.\n“Raphael. Come.” Splinter’s soothing voice calmed the rapid beating of his heart. He turned. Leaving behind the remains of Ax.\n\nHe heard a snicker. His steps faltering.\n\n“Okay . . . maybe I was wrong . . . you’re not a goody-goody.”\n\nA muscle ticked below Raph’s jaw.\n\n“You’re just as psycho as[i] him[/i].”\n\nHe felt something burst inside him like a dam. His anger rushing like the water. His roar of rage, no doubt, could be heard throughout the lair. He whirled around, landing a kick right across Ax’s cheek with such speed and force it knocked the bound prisoner on his side. A few feet away from his original position. Ending his consciousness on the spot.\n\nA heavy sigh captured his attention. Yanking his anger right out of him. He slowly turned to his father. Fear of his reaction rattling his bones. He wasn’t disappointed. A look of dismay flashed over Splinter’s face before it was quickly smothered by an impassive mask. Chilling his blood to slush.\n\nHe knew Splinter didn’t like Ax any more than he did, but the way he acted upon his violence instead of walking away as he told him to was something his father frowned upon. Great. Just when he thought he controlled it, he immediately proved himself and everyone else, wrong.\n\nWhy couldn’t Leo be here? He was the one that had faith in him when no one else did. He knew him almost better than he knew himself. He pulled his feet back down to the ground if he drifted off too high.\n\n[i]It’s all[/i] his [i]fault.[/i] He accused, glancing over his shoulder at the unconscious imposter on the ground. Now noticing the tray of food Mikey had prepared, spilled onto the tatami mats due to his tantrum.\n\n“I’ll clean the mess.” He mumbled.\n\nThe old rat shook his head. One arm outstretched to him. “Forget it. Come Raphael. Breakfast is ready.” Raph wanted to ignore him but thought against it. He already ignored enough orders. He walked out of the dojo.\n\n\n\n[/left]","writing_bbcode_parsed":"<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'><div class='align_left'>Chapter 9-<br /><br />\tInstead of going straight to bed, Raph switched directions halfway down the hall and shoved his way through the bathroom door. He couldn&rsquo;t stand the thought of crawling under his sheets with a layer of dirt, dust, and other things he didn&rsquo;t care to think about, still caked to his skin. He turned on the water to as hot as he could stand it. Stripping his gear and piling it on the toilet seat.<br /><br />\tHe glanced at himself in the mirror and was perplexed by what he saw staring back at him. He looked horrible! Past the layers of grime that painted most of his skin brown, he could see how pale he was. Almost a ghostly shade of pastel green. Dark shadows under his eyes made him look sleep deprived and sickly.<br /><br />\tRaph frowned, creating worry lines on his forehead, eyes, and around his mouth. His lips were chapped and peeling, his eyes bloodshot. Was that really him? He couldn&rsquo;t even recognize himself!<br /><br />His eyes met his own and he stared at the emotions that swirled within their emerald depths. Fear and anger took up the majority of them. What did Leo see in them? He couldn&rsquo;t help but wonder. Leo had once complimented his eyes before, telling him they were beautiful. He described them as if they were literal gems pasted to his face. Dark, sparkling, rich, so full of life he didn&rsquo;t see now. At the time, he had taken the compliment with a grain of sand. Scoffing, rolling his eyes, and teasing Leo about being a huge sap. All he saw was green. Just green. Nothing special. People had said the eyes was a doorway to the soul. He saw irises. <br /><br />Now he saw a lot more than that. He saw death and destruction lingering in the dark pits of his soul through them. He saw a warrior seeking vengeance and blood spill. At the same time he saw a wimp boy who feared the monsters lurking under his bed. Nothing admirable about them. Nothing worthy of Leo&rsquo;s praise.<br /><br />However, he would give anything to see Leo&rsquo;s eyes again. <em>Those</em> were gems worthy of admiration. An endless sea of navy blue you can drown in if you looked too long. Eyes that saw the world not bathed in blood. Eyes that were filled with hopes and dreams. Dreams he wanted to move heaven and earth to fulfill. <br /><br />He was not worthy of Leo, yet he felt a determination to fight for however long it takes to win him. Both a curse and a blessing. A sharp pain lanced through his chest.<br /><br />Steam from the hot water fogged the edges of the window, his reflection blurring. He shook his head and turned away, stepping into the shower stall. Sighing in pleasure as the heated liquid cascaded down his body. Washing away the grime. He leaned his weight against the wall. His palms pressing against the cool subway tile. His eyes down casted to his feet as he watched the brown water stream past him.<br /><br />Guilt gnawed on his heart as his mind backtracked through the day. Like a demon that sucked out every bit of happiness from him. Leaving behind an emptiness inside him. He could practically hear the wind howling in the hollowness. He had returned to the safety confines of his home without Leo. Had been so close to Leo and had turned his back on him. He had chosen his own safety and protection over him. He should have continued forwards. Should have sent the others back and stayed behind. He knew he couldn&rsquo;t face Nak&rsquo;ir head on. Not how he was anyway, but he didn&rsquo;t have to. He could have sneaked. Could have found where he was keeping Leo, freed him, and carted him away from that nightmare. But he didn&rsquo;t. He chose to be selfish and leave him behind. What kind of lover was he? <br /><br />Raph snarled, his forehead pressing against the shower wall. The water beating against his shell. He slammed his fist into the wall, cracking the tile. Little droplets of blood washing off his knuckles. He paid them no heed. Instead, he reached for the bar of soap and proceeded to finish bathing.<br /><br />Once done, he shut off the water and stepped out of the stall. Toweling himself dry. He let the towel drape over his shoulders as he scooped up his dirty gear, exiting the bathroom. Steam rolling past his legs as the cold air of the outside chilled his damp skin. He made his way into Leo&rsquo;s room. His eyes roaming over the area that lacked the owner.<br /><br />He tossed the pile into a corner for washing later and dragged himself over to the bed, his mouth arching downwards into a grim frown. He couldn&rsquo;t lay on these sheets. These sheets were stained of the sin he had committed. He refused to lay on them. Quickly he stripped the mattress and tossed them to the corner for cleaning as well. Still, his frown did not lighten. He eyed the fabric. <br /><br /><em>Forget washing. Burn them.</em><br /><br />Sighing, he took the time to replace the sheets with new, clean ones. They weren&rsquo;t blue as the last ones were. Just a plain cream color. They would have to do for now.<br /><br />He didn&rsquo;t bother to tuck the sheets, nor even spread them out evenly. Just threw himself onto the mattress and tossed it over himself. He adjusted himself onto his shell, his arms supporting his head. He stared up at the ceiling. He supposed he could have slept in his own room for tonight instead of going through the trouble of changing the bed, but he preferred this room. This was Leo&rsquo;s room. Decked in stuff Leo loved. He had slept in this room for three years now. Not counting the years before they had destroyed the Earth. He was used to it in here. Used to being surrounded by nothing but Leo. <br /><br />Though, he did miss his hammock, he&rsquo;ll admit. The room was too small to transfer it over. Plus, he didn&rsquo;t like spending the night without Leo in his arms. He could have forced Leo to sleep in his hammock with him, but he remembered how the last time they tried that, went.<br /><br />It had been quite amusing. Raph&rsquo;s mouth quirked into a lopsided smile as he thought back to the multiple spills they took while trying to find the perfect position.&nbsp;&nbsp;Leo had protested ever since then anytime he brought up the hammock. They hadn&rsquo;t been able to do anything except lay there once they had finally gotten comfortable. They had been completely trapped; squished up against each other. Which was his point Leo had seemed to miss. Leo was pinned to him with no easy way of getting out. Forced to remain close and in his arms for the rest of the night. Not that he had a problem with beds. He loved beds. They were convenient and comfortable whenever you needed them. Especially when you were in a rush and had no time to adjust in a cramped hammock. Providing just the space you needed for proper balance and penetration.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br /><br />His smile grew into a grin.<br /><br />Would he ever have another happy memory like that again?<br /><br />The guilt he had thought he overcame; returned, and it burned like acid in his chest. Just as quick as his brief moment of happiness came; it left. Squashed by the bitter thoughts of his betrayal. It was all Ax&rsquo;s fault! No. It was Nak&rsquo;ir&rsquo;s fault for hiring Ax to spy on them. For taking Leo away from him.<br /><br />Raph heaved out a long, loud, dramatic groan. Slapping his hands over his face. He knew the ugly truth. No matter how he tried to reason with it. He should have noticed the difference from the get-go. It shouldn&rsquo;t have taken him as long as it did to figure it out. Even when things went downhill, he had up and slept with him anyway. Too involved with his own lustful needs to see reason. He was starting to feel like a broken record. <br /><br />What would Leo think of him? He would be angry for starters. He couldn&rsquo;t see him<em> not</em> being angry. They weren&rsquo;t in a real relationship, yes. They made no declaration of loyalty and love past sibling boundaries, but they meant <em>something</em> to each other. Leo&rsquo;s feelings did mean something to him.<br /><br /><em>Yeah, that&rsquo;s why you betrayed him. </em><br /><br />He considered momentarily, of simply not mentioning it. It wouldn&rsquo;t be considered lying. He could just never bring the topic up.<br /><br />Raph crinkled his nose in disgust. Wouldn&rsquo;t make it any better and he knew it. Avoiding the inevitable would only make matters worse for himself.<br /><br />His only hope was to confess the truth to Leo and then apologize with every ounce of his being. Proclaim his emotional attachment to Leo and afterwards . . . hot, sweaty, make up sex!<br /><br /><em>You are unbelievable!</em> Raph frowned deeply. Self-loathing sweeping off him and echoing back at him like an orchestra. <br /><br />He had to fix this. He didn&rsquo;t know how, but he was going to. He needed Leo in his life for reasons unknown to him.<br />His mind flittered back to those four years ago when they were in the space ship with Professor Zayton Honeycutt; a.k.a the Fugitoid, after they had destroyed the Earth. They had been through many adventures those four long years of travelling through the galaxies. Fought many battles with the hostile creatures of the planets they were forced to land on.<br /><br />Nothing could overshadow what had happened though, on that one planet they had landed on. They were low on fuel and had picked the closest of planets to disembark. Their original plan was to only stay for a few days to resupply and then be on their way. Little had they known that was all the time that was needed for things to go so horribly wrong. Nak&rsquo;ir; the ruler of the planet of Daiphus, had first appeared to be peaceful. Welcoming them in with open arms and offering everything they could to help them. Don and Leo had been injured in an accident and had been treated back to health by one of Nak&rsquo;ir&rsquo;s healers. How na&iuml;ve they had been to believe him. By the time they learned the truth, it had been too late. Him, Don, and April had fallen into his trap. Casey had been injured in the fight, but managed to avoid Nak&rsquo;ir long enough for help to come. Luckily, Mikey had escaped and went to warn Leo and Honeycutt. However, there was nothing they could have done to prevent their fates.<br /><br />Raph could remember his time in the cold, wet, cramped cages they were locked in. Shackles gnawing into his flesh and bone. Darkness his only companion. Screams of others torture a constant noise during the day. Sobs and pleads all night. He recalled teetering on the brink of insanity. Tortured and humiliated beyond anything he had endured before. Even the need to protect his little brother and April; he considered his sister, had been slowly wasting away from him. The temptation to just crack and be free of his undying pain had been such a sweet offer he almost couldn&rsquo;t refuse. And he might have not if rescue hadn&rsquo;t arrived when it did. The rescuing had all been a blur of blood and stone to him. It wasn&rsquo;t until a couple days of hard resting recovery and multiple blood transfusions before he had awoken.<br /><br />He wouldn&rsquo;t forget though, how easily his world had begun to convalesce as soon as he saw Leo. Almost automatically, he felt more strong and powerful than he had in weeks.<br /><br />Again, he had felt that insanity come knocking on his door when they were at the abandon building. Feeding his brain those horrid memories. Even now, he could feel it taunting him in the black corners of his mind. A darkness so evil that engulfed his light and hope in one gulp. The desperation of having Leo back at his side again, where he belonged.<br /><br />Something, even to this day, he did not understand. It&rsquo;s like Leo was the keeper of his sanity. The source of his mind. The core of his world. Why? He feared he would never know. Yet, he had long ago accepted it. It is what it is. <br /><br />He wondered if Leo was feeling that right now. Feeling that same evil, mock him, overwhelm him and tempt him like it had done Raph. If he hadn&rsquo;t cracked already.<br /><br />Raph shook his head. No. He couldn&rsquo;t believe that. It was Leonardo he was talking about. The most strong-willed and stubborn turtle he knew. Aside from him, of course.<br /><br />Leo was okay. He was going to get him back. He swore by it. <br /><br /><br />Raphael sucked in a mouthful of air. His lids flying open wide as he leaped off the bed and to the other side of the room in a matter of seconds. His eyes blinking in surprise when he found his sai palmed and ready for attack without even remembering grabbing it. His eyes adjusted to the darkness that blanketed the room. His heart slowing to a steady pace when he realized he was in a familiar, safe place. Leo&rsquo;s bedroom.<br /><br />Adrenaline crashed as his arms fell to his sides. His sai slipping from his grip and clattering on the cement ground. He rubbed the bridge of his nose in hopes to relieve the pain of an oncoming headache. An agitated noise escaping past his lips when it didn&rsquo;t. He strode back over to his bed, fetching the fallen sheets and pillow from the floor. Flinging them carelessly back on the mattress.<br /><br />He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. Growling in frustration when he discovered he had been asleep for only two hours! Raph sat back on the bed, glaring hotly down at the cement floor that should have melted the stone into molten rock. The memories of his nightmare crawling back to him. A cold dreadful chill riding the waves of his veins, causing goosebumps to rise on his arms. Loneliness strangling him.<br /><br />A rush of helplessness shackled him as he recalled being in that blasted cage! Blood everywhere. <em>His</em> blood; oozing out of his wounds and pouring out of the opening where his right leg and left fingers used to be. That headache blossomed behind his eyes and speared to the back of his head as he remembered the agony he had been feeling for countless hours. He had fallen unconscious for only thirty minutes at a time and would wake up with the same pain welcoming him for another hour or so.<br /><br />He remembered the chains that had been used to hold him in place when it was his turn. How cold and unforgiving they had been as they cut through his skin and sliced through tendons. Hot blood trekking down his arms that was quickly picked up by that creature&rsquo;s tongue.<br /><br />Raphael shivered, fighting a wave of nausea. <br /><br />Donatello had been with him to witness it all as he had of him. His poor brother dealing with his own sufferings he could not have helped with. His dream had showed Don curled up in the corner of the cage beside him in a fetal position. Blood pooled under him. His shell facing him and showing off the many cuts he had gained. Not being able to hear his cry&rsquo;s over his own. In the beginning he thought himself lucky for having Don here with him. I<em>diot.</em><br /><br />He had known reality by the end of it all. He had been useless to Don as Don had been to him. Don having the honor to watch his humiliation. Weakness. Helplessness. Failure. Some big brother he turned out to be.<br /><br />He lost the battle. Raph pushed himself off the mattress and stumbled hastily out of the room, down the hall, and into the bathroom. Collapsing on his knees before the toilet. Dumping his lunch into it. <br /><br />Several minutes ticked by before Raph was capable of parting from the toilet long enough to flush it. Exhaustion wrestled him into submission and he rested his head on the side of the toilet bowl seat, not caring what had touched there. He struggled to take deep steady breaths. Hoping to not anger his stomach any further. Finally the acrobats ceased. He sighed, eyes growing heavy.<br /><br />His heart leapt once again into a beating frenzy when a hand touched his shoulder. He cringed as his stomach reawakened. Squeezing his eyes shut, he focused all attention on his stomach muscles.<br /><br />&ldquo;Sorry Raph. Didn&rsquo;t mean to startle you.&rdquo; A gentle whisper he immediately recognized to be Don. Carefully, he turned to his little brother standing before him. <br /><br />&ldquo;Did I wake you?&rdquo; He asked, hoarsely. <br /><br />&ldquo;No. Was already awake when I heard you puking. Here.&rdquo; Don held out two pills and a glass of water to which he accepted gratefully. He murmured a<em> thanks</em> as he downed the medication. Counting the seconds for the medicine to kick in.<br /><br />&ldquo;They should start helping in a few minutes.&rdquo; <br /><br />Raph nodded. <br /><br />&ldquo;Are you okay?<br /><br />He shook his head.<br /><br />&ldquo;Want to talk about it?&rdquo;<br /><br />Another shake. &ldquo;Just a nightmare.&rdquo; He mumbled. Shrugging it off as if it was no big deal.<br /><br />Don snorted. &ldquo;I think I can guess what it&rsquo;s about.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;It&rsquo;s been two years since the last one Don. Why are they here?&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Well, I assume it&rsquo;s because of a certain somebody I am not naming, has returned.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;I suppose. But I should be over this. Shouldn&rsquo;t I?&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;It was traumatic for the both of us Raph. I still have nightmares myself occasionally.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;They&rsquo;re not going away though. They&rsquo;re getting worse.&rdquo;<br /><br />Don frowned. He felt a squeeze to his shoulder. &ldquo;If I had to guess, our little trip to Nak&rsquo;ir&rsquo;s hideout triggered that mental reaction. Your nightmares aren&rsquo;t a surprise Raph. Fears you thought you conquered have reintroduced themselves. Also, this might have a little something to do with Leo.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;How?&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Well, because you keep imagining the things Leo could be going through. After thinking about it so much, you become obsessed and desperate as you remember the details of your own experience.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph frowned. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m<em> not</em> obsessed.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Yeah. You are. You&rsquo;re desperate for Leo to come home. I think it&rsquo;s a need now.&rdquo; <br /><br />&ldquo;I already established that.&rdquo; <br /><br />&ldquo;Plus, with Leo just gone it leaves you with a sense of loneliness and helplessness.&rdquo; Which was something he felt not too long ago.<br /><br />&ldquo;Like separation anxiety?&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Mm, kind of. Not really. More like missing someone you love and are worried about them.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t <em>love</em> him. Not in the sense you&rsquo;re talking about.&rdquo; Raph groused. Feeling as if he should point that out. Don snorted a laugh and he glared at him.<br /><br />&ldquo;Right. Whatever. I assume by your lack of retching you&rsquo;re feeling better?&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph paused. Performing a quick perimeter check of his body. His stomach hadn&rsquo;t rebelled one bit. He nodded.<br />&nbsp;<br />&ldquo;Good. Try to get some sleep.&rdquo; Don patted his shoulder as he yawned the words. Turning to leave. Raph yawned himself. He did feel better . . . physically. Mentally, he was still in shambles and he had a feeling it would remain that way for the rest of the night. Slowly he pushed himself to his feet. Quickly rinsing off the sweat glistening on his forehead and brushing his teeth before he returned to the bedroom.<br /><br /><br />Morning took its good ol&rsquo; sweet time to arrive as Raphael waited impatiently on the bed for the digital clock to turn from two o&rsquo; clock to six o&rsquo; clock. Being unable to sleep a wink throughout the rest of the night, he was forced to stay awake for every, miserable, second. He had only managed to get five minutes of dozing in. His body was heavy and worthless when he rolled off the mattress. His eyes blood shot and threatened to remain shut with each blink. <br /><br />His stomach grumbled for food as the smell of Mikey&rsquo;s bacon and eggs coated the air. He felt like someone had used his head for a drum set in a late-night performance. Even the pain pills he had taken before heading off to bed had only helped a tiny bit. Not enough for him to be able to sleep.<br /><br />He wished he could just stay in bed the entire day but he knew that would be futile. Instead, the need for fuel and an update from Don on the receipts had won him over.<br /><br />He didn&rsquo;t bother picking up the blanket and pillow that he fallen on the floor again, thanks to his tossing and turning. He shuffled his feet across the room. Only stopping to don on his mask. He exited the bedroom and was suddenly hit with a wave of flavorful scent of breakfast. His stomach growled louder.<br /><br />He fought the urge to spit nasty things and proceeded down the hall into the kitchen. Mikey stood over the stove. Flipping a couple of over easy eggs in the pan. A plate piled high with cooked bacon strips was already set on the table. <br /><br />&ldquo;Morning bro.&rdquo; Mikey said without casting him a glance.<br /><br />&ldquo;Morning Mike.&rdquo; He responded. Stifling a yawn as he dragged himself to the refrigerator. Preparing himself a tall glass of orange juice. Maybe that will give him the boost he needed.<br /><br />&ldquo;How&rsquo;d ya sleep?&rdquo; Mikey asked him. Raph practically collapsed in one of the seats at the dining table. He held back a snort.<br /><br />&ldquo;Had better nights.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Heard you puking last night.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph grimaced at the memory. His fingers tracing the glass. &ldquo;Did I wake you?&rdquo;<br /><br />Mikey shook his head. &ldquo;Don did when he got up to help you. He told me you had a nightmare.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph scowled, opening his mouth to make a retort about Don keeping things to himself. Then quickly shut it as Mikey&rsquo;s words truly rolled in his head. He stared at his youngest sibling thoughtfully. Don woke him up when he got up to help him? It was the middle of the night and how loud could Don be? <em>He</em> was the loud one. Even so, why would Don go to Mikey at two o&rsquo;clock in the morning to update on his health without knowing if he was awake, unless . . .<br /><br />A sly grin pulled on the corners of his lips. &ldquo;Don was with you?&rdquo; He watched Mikey&rsquo;s shoulders stiffen. Oh yes, he was.<br /><br />&ldquo;No . . . well, yes. But only last night . . . for comforting reasons.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Right.&rdquo; Raph nodded. He might have believed him to if it weren&rsquo;t for the embarrassed stuttering. &ldquo;So, how did <em>you</em> sleep?&rdquo;<br /><br />Mikey shrugged. Scooping up the eggs and tossing them onto a plate. &ldquo;Good. For the most part.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;What did Splinter wanted to talk to you about?&rdquo; Raph couldn&rsquo;t help but ask. <br /><br />Mikey sighed. &ldquo;Nothing much.&rdquo; He insisted. Turning to him. He plopped the plate of eggs down in front of Raph. He frowned as he met a couple of dull icy blue eyes. Devoid of any emotion. Nothing bright and weightless about them as they usually were. His lips were pressed into a thin line. Not curled into a happy smile. Frown lines possessing the corners of his eyes and around his mouth. A look he rarely saw on Mikey and hated the times it was.<br /><br />Before even <em>he</em> registered his movement, he clasped onto Mikey&rsquo;s wrist before the turtle had the chance of turning away from him.<br /><br />&ldquo;Yesterday.&rdquo; Was all he had to say before the wall around his little brother crumbled. Leaving him exposed and raw of his revulsion and fear that clung to him like a second skin.<br /><br />&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to talk about that. I want to just forget about it.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry Mikey.&rdquo; He said in his most sincere, if not a little sleep deprived, voice.<br /><br />Mikey quickly shook his head. &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t apologize to me for that. I wanted to go in there just as much as you did. We needed to.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;I know, but--&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;But; nothing Raph. It was horrible, yes and I can&rsquo;t imagine how it had been for you guys with that sicko. As much as I would like to erase the whole event with a grain of sand. I knew if I had a choice, I would do it all again if it meant rescuing our brother. And I&rsquo;m not saying that for anyone&rsquo;s benefit. I mean it.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph stared at the orange clad reptile uncertainly. Slowly prying away his fingers from his wrist. &ldquo;I didn&rsquo;t want you to see that.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;I know. I didn&rsquo;t either. But it was unavoidable. Don&rsquo;t worry about me. You got enough on your plate.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph sighed. &ldquo;At this point I got nothing to do. Not until Don finishes with the receipts.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;How about trying to sleep? You look terrible, dude. More than usual I mean. You need your strength.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph decided to let the tease slide this one time. One side of his mouth quirking into a lopsided smile. &ldquo;Maybe I&rsquo;ll take a nap later.&rdquo;<br /><br />Mikey nodded. Proceeding to set a plate of eggs and bacon on a tray with orange juice.<br /><br />&ldquo;Don not coming?&rdquo; Raph asked curiously. Gesturing to the tray.<br /><br />&ldquo;Hm? Oh, no. This is for Ax. The guy hasn&rsquo;t eaten for a couple day&rsquo;s so I decided to give him a little something to keep him conscious. This isn&rsquo;t a resort for him, mind you.&rdquo; Oh, yeah. He forgot about Ax. So focused on the current situation, their prisoner had completely slipped his mind. &ldquo;We seriously need to get ourselves a cell of some sort. That way we have a suitable place to stash the people we kidnap.&rdquo; Mikey rambled. &ldquo;We have three spare rooms. Two are guest bedrooms and one is storage. Maybe we can turn one of them into a cell. I should ask Don about that.&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph chuckled and shook his head at his youngest sibling staring up at the ceiling, imaging as he always did. He quickly chugged down on his orange juice. Soothing the hunger cramps. He rose from the chair, his knees no longer wobbling. He had to admit, their own personal cell would be very useful. That way they could keep prisoners and they wouldn&rsquo;t be in his way all the time. Because he sure as hell was not going to work out with their enemy&rsquo;s as his audience. Unless, of course, he was trying to intimidate them.<br /><br />&ldquo;You should. In fact, I&rsquo;ll go deliver this while you talk with him.&rdquo; Mikey blinked, startled out of his thoughts as Raph stole the tray from his hands. He didn&rsquo;t wait for a reply as he swiftly left the kitchen and entered into the dojo where Ax&rsquo; honatain still sat against his will. He wanted a couple more answers from him that he managed to avoid the last time they had a confrontation.<br /><br />The fact that he looked so much like Leo was beginning to pester him more and more. His heart, body, and mind yearned for Leo&rsquo;s return and here, a spitting image of him was bound to a chair. Sporting large dark bruises over his cheeks. One eye swollen shut. The faintest of red, stained the tatami mats surrounding him. He didn&rsquo;t dare temptation to lure him again, but it was tearing him apart having to see him though.<br /><br />Ax hadn&rsquo;t looked at him. Hadn&rsquo;t even twitch in acknowledgement to his presence, but Raph knew he knew he was here. Only when he set the tray down at his feet did Ax finally look at him. <br /><br />&ldquo;Brought me breakfast? How sweet.&rdquo; <br /><br />Raph flinched. Oh god, that voice. He shoved that to the back of his mind. He could so easily persuade himself this was Leo right now. He grounded his molars and steeled his face. <br /><br />&ldquo;Uh, hello? Anybody home?&rdquo;<br /><br />He stood back up and stepped away from him. Folding his arms over his chest.<br /><br />&ldquo;Oh good. So you are listening.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;How do you do that?&rdquo; Raph repeated the question he had asked a few days ago. Ignoring any other snide comments, he had for him.<br /><br />&ldquo;Do what?&rdquo; Ax blinked innocently. <br /><br />Raph growled. &ldquo;Your appearance. Your voice. How do you do that?&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;You <em>really</em> want to know?&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Just answer the damn question.&rdquo; He grounded out.<br /><br />Ax smirked. Leaning closer to him. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s a secret.&rdquo; He whispered.<br /><br />Raph leaned forward to him as well. Certain his eyes were flaming as much as the hot anger was stewing inside him. He reached up and stroked a rough, unforgiving hand across one of Ax&rsquo;s swollen cheeks. Watching with mild entertainment as he hissed and jerked away from him.<br /><br />&ldquo;Would you rather get another beating right here?&rdquo; He stabbed that finger into the same cheek. Ax howled, tugging against his ropes. He rubbed a soothing hand over the injured cheek, ignoring the stabbing pain of Leo&rsquo;s tortured voice as he waited for Ax to calm.<br /><br />&ldquo;Awe, that was just a finger. Imagine a punch.&rdquo;<br /><br />Ax glared hot daggers at him. &ldquo;You will pay. Everything you do to me; I will do ten times worse to you!&rdquo;<br /><br />Raph rolled his eyes, waving away the threat. &ldquo;That&rsquo;s okay. I was already planning on killing you anyway.&rdquo;<br /><br />&ldquo;Then do it. Come on, tough guy! Kill me. Rid yourself of my rotten presence. Make peace with your conscious.&rdquo; A smug smile crept across Ax&rsquo;s lips. Laced with hatred, disgust, and pride. &ldquo;That&rsquo;s right. You can&rsquo;t. I know you and your family too well. Your father raised you to be a goody-goody. A pussy. Incapable of crushing a bug under you heel, let alone stabbing someone. Because, fun fact of Raphael 101; he screams like a little girl at any sign of a small, helpless, bug.&rdquo; Ax threw his head back in a guffaw. Eyes gleaming with amusement and delight.<br /><br />Raph snarled, grabbing the rope that held Ax in place. He punched him. Punched him again. Over and over, anywhere along his body. Avoiding the face on purpose. Each attack knocking the wind out of Ax. He took pleasure out of his pain. His heart thudding in his chest, screaming at him to stop hurting Leo. His mind laughing joyously. Telling him to keep going. More. More. More!<br /><br />&nbsp;He listened to his mind.<br /><br />&ldquo;Raphael!&rdquo; A loud bellow fished back his sanity. Shoving him into reality. He stopped. Relieving the limp and half unconscious Ax. He pried his hold of the ropes and stepped back. Looking over the more wounds he had gifted him with. He could feel his knuckles coated in warmth. His shoulders rising and falling to the rhythm of his pants.<br />&ldquo;Raphael. Come.&rdquo; Splinter&rsquo;s soothing voice calmed the rapid beating of his heart. He turned. Leaving behind the remains of Ax.<br /><br />He heard a snicker. His steps faltering.<br /><br />&ldquo;Okay . . . maybe I was wrong . . . you&rsquo;re not a goody-goody.&rdquo;<br /><br />A muscle ticked below Raph&rsquo;s jaw.<br /><br />&ldquo;You&rsquo;re just as psycho as<em> him</em>.&rdquo;<br /><br />He felt something burst inside him like a dam. His anger rushing like the water. His roar of rage, no doubt, could be heard throughout the lair. He whirled around, landing a kick right across Ax&rsquo;s cheek with such speed and force it knocked the bound prisoner on his side. A few feet away from his original position. Ending his consciousness on the spot.<br /><br />A heavy sigh captured his attention. Yanking his anger right out of him. He slowly turned to his father. Fear of his reaction rattling his bones. He wasn&rsquo;t disappointed. A look of dismay flashed over Splinter&rsquo;s face before it was quickly smothered by an impassive mask. Chilling his blood to slush.<br /><br />He knew Splinter didn&rsquo;t like Ax any more than he did, but the way he acted upon his violence instead of walking away as he told him to was something his father frowned upon. Great. Just when he thought he controlled it, he immediately proved himself and everyone else, wrong.<br /><br />Why couldn&rsquo;t Leo be here? He was the one that had faith in him when no one else did. He knew him almost better than he knew himself. He pulled his feet back down to the ground if he drifted off too high.<br /><br /><em>It&rsquo;s all</em> his <em>fault.</em> He accused, glancing over his shoulder at the unconscious imposter on the ground. Now noticing the tray of food Mikey had prepared, spilled onto the tatami mats due to his tantrum.<br /><br />&ldquo;I&rsquo;ll clean the mess.&rdquo; He mumbled.<br /><br />The old rat shook his head. One arm outstretched to him. &ldquo;Forget it. Come Raphael. Breakfast is ready.&rdquo; Raph wanted to ignore him but thought against it. He already ignored enough orders. He walked out of the dojo.<br /><br /><br /><br /></div></span>","pools_count":1,"title":"Stranger Under My Skin Ch.9","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"text/rtf","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"2","rating_name":"Adult","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"5","name":"Strong Violence","description":"Strong violence, blood, serious injury or death","rating_id":"2"}],"submission_type_id":"12","type_name":"Writing - Document","guest_block":"t","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"2","views":"47","sales_description":null,"forsale":"f","digitalsales":"f","printsales":"f","digital_price":""}