Chapter 23-
The first thing greeting Raphael as soon as his eyes opened was the poster of Captain Ryan standing high and mighty smack dab in the middle of it. He scowled to the cartoon character that remained silent to him and rolled to his other side. Not exactly something he would like to wake up to every morning.
The emerald eyed turtle sighed and rubbed his beak into the fabric of Leonardo’s pillow. Inhaling the sweet scent of honey and lemon.
What he would prefer to wake up to was the owner of this room.
Raph’s eyes closed as he pictured the scene. As many times as he told himself he should ignore these thoughts; he couldn’t seem to help himself. Imaging turning around to face Leo on his other side every morning. Being able to touch that smooth mint green skin of his. Being able to pull him close and feel his warmth. Knowing he was secure in his arms.
Raph shook himself out of his thoughts. He knew if there was ever any chance that they could be more. It would be a long time from now.
He sighed heavily and allowed his eyes to drift closed again as he cuddled with the fragrant pillow. Feeling too lazy to get up anytime soon he decided he’d snooze for a couple more hours before getting up.
A familiar squeak echoed from outside, announcing the turnstiles were being disturbed. Jerking Raph back out of his slumber. At first, he assumed it was just either Don or Mikey and was about to fall back to sleep till he heard their voices.
“Thanks April. Last night was really fun.” Leo.
Shit!
Raph’s eyes snapped open. He pushed himself upwards and rolled out of bed. Leo was home! What was he doing home so early in the morning!? Raph glanced over at the digital clock, showing that it was now ten A.M. He growled.
Whirling around, he immediately smoothed out the crumpled covers and fluffed up the pillow. He quickly studied over the room in check for any signs of his presence being here. Once satisfied, he rushed out the door and down the hall directly to his room. Finding Leo was already walking towards him. Too late to stop, he collided right into the unsuspecting turtle. The two collapsing on the ground, groaning in sync.
Raph slowly picked himself up, rubbing his head. Of all the damn luck. Opening his eyes he found non-other than Leonardo sprawled on the ground underneath him. His bag fell a few feet away from them. His eyes widen as he felt heat rise up on his cheeks in an instant. Looking down at the slender body he was currently laying on.
\t“Ow . . .” Leo mumbled. “Damn, where’s the fire?” He asked, rubbing his head as he opened his own eyes, viewing Raphael who was still gawking at him. He blinked in response. The world seeming to pause around them as he focused on that face. He wasn’t quite sure what the hell was going on.
\tHe was just heading over to his room and didn’t even notice the turtle barreling at him till he had tackled him. He wanted to question him, but every time he opened his mouth to say something, words wouldn’t follow. He was just staring at him as if something on him had captured his attention. He was looking directly in his eyes.
\t“W-What?” He finally managed to choke out.
\t“Oh. Nothing.” Raph answered. Shaking his head. “Sorry. . .” The larger turtle crawled off of him. Leo followed after. Pushing himself up from the floor.
\t“Why were you in such a rush?”
\t“I uh . . .” Raph didn’t know how to answer. What real reason would he have for running through the lair?
\t“Ugh, my head.” Leo gritted out. Saving him from having to reply.
\t“Oh, are you okay?”
\t“I’ll survive.”
\tRaph leaned over and grabbed the bag Leo had dropped. Pushing himself up to his feet. He held out a hand for his brother. Leo took the offered hand and pulled himself up. Taking the bag he had picked up for him.
\t“Thanks.” He murmured. His gaze falling to the ground.
\t“Well . . . I best be going. Sorry again.” With that being said, the emerald turtle took off. Leaving Leo alone in the empty hall. He tried to forget his klutziness and prayed that he hadn’t given himself away.
Typical Raph. Leo snorted as he watched the physic of his sibling walk away. Once Raph was hidden behind the bedroom door, Leo continued his journey back to his room.
There could be no possible way that Raph would return the feelings. He suddenly thought to himself. It would be too easy. Besides, even if he did. He wouldn’t want them. Leo just knew it. He already stated his opinion of loving your brother. If some way he had formed those feelings he’d probably try his hardest to tuck them away and ignore them.
\tHe dismissed the thoughts before he could finish them. Closing and locking the door to his room behind him. He dumped his bag in the corner and headed over to his bed. Allowing himself to fall on the mattress. His body bouncing a couple of times on impact. He rolled to his side; grabbing the pillow from under his head and hugging it tightly. Taking in a deep breath through his nose. Then he paused.
\tThis didn’t seem right. He could pick up his usual everyday scent in the fabric, just like the rest of the room. But he also smelled something else. Something familiar. It smelled almost like Raphael. He nuzzled his nose farther into it and took another breath. Yep, pines. An incent he gave Raph for Christmas that he used. Soon became his own scent. Pines. He could smell them in his pillow a lot stronger than he would have expected. It was enveloping him. Drowning him.
\tWhat the hell was Raph doing in here on my bed?
\tA spark of fury ignited in Leo. Hadn’t that bastard learned I hated when people sneak in my room?
\tHe might have gotten up. Considered it a couple of times. Stomping over to Raph and demanding why he was in his room. What exactly he was hoping to find in there.
\tBut his anger didn’t last that long. His face softened and the defenseless pillow he clenched in his arms loosened. Heat rose up in his cheeks and Leo buried his beak deeper into the pillow. The only reason Raph’s scent would be marked on his bed would be if he was in it all night. Why!? That same question rung in his head over and over. He hated knowing Raph was in here; but at the same time he didn’t mind it all too much. He figured that if Raph truly didn’t like him anymore, he wouldn’t have been anywhere near him or his room. Somehow Leo felt relief quell up inside him.
\tHe could question Raph later.
Right now he was just too tired to care. He stayed up the rest of the night after he awoke from that stupid nightmare of his. Fortunately, he had managed to get April to go back to bed after he had calmed down. Knowing that she had a lot to do during the day, he didn’t want her too exhausted to work. Which reminded him that he was going to have training in an hour.
\tA tired lazy groan slipped past Leo’s lips.
\tLeo dragged out the last box filled with Christmas decorations from the garage into the living room. Setting them down next to the other piles of cardboard boxes. He eyed the newly trimmed, bright green, Christmas tree sitting pretty in the corner of the room. Out of the way of anybody.
\tHe sighed out tiredly as he opened one of the boxes. Revealing a pile of finely packed, fragile bulbs of all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Some were much prettier while others looked like a wade of paper mache that has been dunked in a bucket of paint. Nonetheless, they had treasured every ornament; for they all held different memories.
\tThey had agreed when they were twelve that each one of them will get to pick the theme of their Christmas tree and the tradition stuck from then on. Last year, Mikey picked the theme of ice cream for the tree, and without protesting they had collected any bits of decorations they could find to represent the theme. Despite how ridiculous the tree ended up looking with its sprinkle tinsel, cone and banana ornaments, and cherry on tree topper. It was still one of their happiest Christmases. Now, it was back to the top of the list where Leo was the one to pick. He preferred keeping things less extreme, much to Mikey’s disappointment; and stuck with more traditional looks. This year, he chose their own colors theme. Each side of the tree they get to decorate with their favorite color ornaments. Leo had dug out all the blue ornaments he could find and started hanging them to his own accord. Raph was on the other side with a whole box of red ornaments. Mikey to his left and Donnie to his right.
\tApril, Casey, and Master Splinter were doing their own sets of decorating around the rest of the lair. Soft sounds of Christmas music played in the background. Holidays were one of the most relaxing times of the year where they could forget their daily problems and remember the times when they were carefree kids.
\tLeo would give anything to go back to his childhood. And not because he was a boy then.
\t. . . Okay, maybe a little.
\tHe grumbled under his breath and shook those thoughts away. He was trying his hardest not to think about his current gender switch at the moment. Unfortunately for him, that time of the month had started on Thanksgiving and that was all he could think about. Luckily enough, he didn’t have to worry about that during Christmas and he prayed no one would ever mention this subject the entire time. He could easily pretend he was still a guy. He just had to never speak and look at himself.
\tDon and April had suggested to him to accept the way he was now so he wouldn’t feel so awkward every day.
\tOh yeah, that was the last thing he wanted to do was to get comfortable with this body. It wasn’t his and it never will be. Don even had the guts to recommend to him to explore his body so he could get familiar with what’s happening to him. The less he knew how it works the better off he’d probably be. He already knew way too much about how the female body and all its works. More than he was ever curious about.
\tLeo stepped back as he studied his side of the tree. The whole thing was wrapped in white lights while his section was decked with different size, shapes, and shades of blue ornaments. Strips of light blue and silver tinsel hung from the branches. He smiled in satisfaction.
\t“My sides done.” He announced. Mikey ran over to gape at his masterpiece.
\t“It’s so wintery and pretty Leo. Like you.” Leo had tried to feel flattered at the compliment but it really didn't do much. It just reminded him of exactly what he wanted to forget.
\tNot wishing to hurt Mikey’s feelings, he smiled to his little brother. “Thanks.” He murmured.
\tHe had to admit, looking at his side made him feel kind of cold. He had done it up quite well. Mikey grabbed on his arm and pulled him over where he surveyed the bright and warm orange decorative side. Dark; almost brownish ornaments was mixed with several different neon orange bulbs. In between the many green branches; big bold orange flowers was placed. The result easily being said that Mikey had a blast with his side.
\t“Wow. It’s beautiful Mikey.” Leo smiled as he hugged his sibling. The youngest showed off a toothy grin. Proud of himself.
\t“Mines done as well!” Don shouted. The two of them walking over to view the geniuses work. Most of the ornaments were shaped as stars. Large bows taking in the empty places, and their ribbons flowing down along the pines reaching to the bottom and dragging along the ground.
\t“Ooooooh!” He could hear Mikey. His breath gliding over his shoulder as he looked. Despite he had shrunk a little with the gender switch he had luckily remained just a bit taller than Mikey.
\tA huff immediately caught Leo’s attention and he looked around the tree, finding Raph had plopped down on the couch. Stuffing whatever was left of his decorations in the boxes.
\t“Hey Raph!? You done yet?” Mikey called out before any of them could ask.
\t“Yeah, I’m done.” The three of them walked over. Ready to inspect the second eldest work. It seemed Raph’s side was the most traditional out of all of them. Red ornaments dangled that were as well accompanied by pieces of candy canes and branches of cranberries. Raph swatted away Mikey’s hand that had tried to reach for one of the candy canes. “Nice try.” He snorted. Mikey stuck out his tongue in response.
\tLeo spotted a small blue ornament tucked in between the other bunches of decorations. “Whoops Raph, I think this one got mixed up with the--” Before he could grab it out. His wrist was captured in a tight fist. Pulling him back. Surprising him.
Raph shook his head. “Leave it.”
\t“You know the rules Raph. You can only have your favorite color.” Leo reminded him. Staring into those green eyes that appeared shielded of any emotion for him to see.
\t“Though I am fond of red. I had never said it was my absolute favorite color.” Leo blinked as Raph dropped his wrist. Walking passed him without another word; joining the group on the other side of the room. Leo stared back at the little blue bulb that now seemed to pop out among the field of red bulbs. Though he was the only one to notice since no one else mentioned it. Or if they did, they just didn’t care. It was obvious now that Raph purposely put it there . . . but why!?
“Leo? You coming?” Mikey’s voice yanked him out of his thoughts.
“I brought something fun for us to do during the holidays.” April announced as Casey helped her drag in a rather heavy looking box.
“What is it?”
“I’ve used this when I was a kid during special occasions with my friends. I haven’t used this in years. So when I found it stuffed in a box, I thought this would be perfect.” The red-headed young teenager explained as she pulled out the hidden object.
“A Karaoke machine?” Leo was the first to speak as the four turtles eyed the item.
April grinned wide and nodded excitedly. “Yes!”
The weight was soon withdrawn from April’s arms and now into Mikey’s. The turtle was clearly the most thrilled out of all of them to get the thing hooked up.
Don helped the youngest get the machine attached to the television. April carried in the box filled with a wide variety of Christmas music. Mikey was, of course, the first one to try it out. Everyone eventually got a turn. Trying out duets or solos. Or even having a group of them singing all at once. Truly one of the greatest games they could have had.
Leo sat on one of the chairs beside Master Splinter as he watched Don and Mikey singing a rather upbeat song together while the rest of them clapped along to the rhythm.
“I don’t understand why you don’t take a turn Leonardo.” The old rat spoke in a loud tone enough that he could be heard over the blaring music. Leo frowned. Everyone knew he liked to sing. He had sung almost all the time when they were younger. He stopped after a while and the only times they ever did hear him sing was when he was humming a tune while completing a chore. Leo couldn’t deny, he had a decent singing voice. “Had” being the key word. He wasn’t too enthusiastic about testing out what his singing voice would be now. Higher pitched he imagined. Probably something around April’s. Though she carried out the tunes fantastic. While he had no idea if he could even sing a note.
“I already have enough problems with talking Sensei.” Leo tried not to mumble out. Apparently loud enough though that even Splinter could hear.
“Oh? Does it hurt talking or is it you just don’t want to.” He didn’t rightly need to have an answer. It was quite obvious from Leo’s change of facial expression that told him it was the second option. “You don’t have a bad voice Leonardo.”
“I know. I’ll admit, it is interesting to talk sometimes. But it’s also humiliating.”
Splinter chuckled and shook his head. “I’m sure anyone else would be feeling the same way in your predicament. But you can’t fight what’s already happened Leonardo. You’re a girl. You may not like it, but that’s what you are now.”
Leo huffed out an annoyed sigh. “I don’t want to be this.”
The old rat frowned. “You think I was happy when I was turned into this?” Leo blinked for a moment as he turned to his father. His eyes wandering over the furry body. Right, he was human for most of his life. “I was never happy being a rat, my son. First sight anyone saw of me they screamed. I was no longer welcomed into society as I once was. I was abnormal. I hated what I was. But there was no going back. Eventually I had accepted what I had become. I had four boys to raise. I couldn’t linger on something I couldn’t ever have again. But just enjoyed what I was gifted with now.”
\tLeo bit his lip as his gaze fell to his lap. He hated the thought of there never being a way to go back to the way he was. But he knew his father was right. He couldn’t forever hate himself because he was the opposite sex. There was a lot of things Shredder could have done to him that was a lot worse than this. He was still capable of speaking, walking. He still had his ability to fight. He was a little lighter now so that made himself faster. He was stronger in the legs then most of his brothers. He may not have the same amount of strength anymore; but he was quicker.
\t“For all you know Leonardo. There could be a very good reason to why you are like this. I know that my reason for being a rat was to take care of four mutant turtles.”
\tLeo smiled lightly as he looked over to Splinter. “Yeah, maybe . . .”
\t“Leo!” April shouted. Grabbing his attention back to the red-headed girl. “You haven’t sung yet! You have to give it a try!”
\tLeo could feel his heart skip a few beats as his stomach tightened. He maybe could get a little comfortable with his body but he sure as hell did not want to sing.
\t“I uh . . . no. I’m fine just listening.” He spoke as he tried to wave away the girl.
\t“Awe, come on Leo! Just one song!?” Mikey pleaded.
\t“Yeah, be a sport. Come join us.” Don insisted.
\t“You can do a duet if it makes you feel better.” April suggested as she held out one of the microphones.
\t“You can do it with Raph. He hasn’t done it that much either.” Mikey smirked at the turtle who threw him a glare.
\t“No. I’m fine. Really.” Leo hunkered down into his chair.
\t“Go on my son. You used to sing all the time. Now you have stage fright?”
\tThanks Master Splinter. Leo grumbled mentally. He released a heavy sigh of defeat. He knew this wouldn’t stop until they got their way. He grabbed on the arms of the chair and pushed himself up to his feet. Stomping his way over to April and snatching the microphone out of her hand.
\t“Just one song. No more.” The female human smiled happily at her accomplishment. She started roaming over the many music cases. He felt his body freeze when Raph made his way beside him. He glanced over at him. He could tell he was as happy about this as he was.
\t“What’s the matter oh mighty Fearless? You scared?” Raph smirked. Leo blinked. Catching himself off guard. He couldn’t help it. It was the same teasing Raph always tossed him before. As if nothing had happened and he was still his normal self. It made him feel slightly better. Slightly.
\t“Of course I’m not.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I’m terrified.”
\tRaph chuckled. “You used to love singing all the time. No matter if we were all in the room or not.”
\t“That was before.”
\t“What changed?” Leo threw him a “really” look.
\t“What do you mean, “What changed?” This changed.” His hand gestured over to his lean body.
\tRaph shrugged. “Yeah, but I don’t think that would decrease on your talent.” Leo stared at him dumbfounded.
\t“Hm. Leo, you heard the song “Baby its cold outside?” April asked. Shaking himself back, he looked over at the case April was holding. He could recall those words being sung on the radio just this morning. He had heard it a few times over the years and could semi-remember the lyrics. He also remembered both a boy and a girl had sung it.
\t“Yeah. I know it.”
\t“Great!” She smiled and stuck the CD in without any permission needed. The lyrics popped up on the screen seconds later. “So Leo will be pink and Raph will be blue.”
\t“Pink . . .” Leo growled under his breath.
\t“Well yeah, you’re kind of the girl. Aren’t you?” Leo sighed and shook his head. He knew he should start accepting what he was. But still being called a girl felt more of an insult than a fact. It was a name they teased each other with all through childhood.
“You fight like a girl.”
Yeah well, now he really was a girl.
\t“Would it make you feel better if I take the girl part?” Raph asked. He didn’t look all too thrilled about his suggestion but nonetheless, he asked.
\tLeo looked at him in surprise and confusion. “You would do that?”
\t“I just figured it would get things moving. Besides, I already know Mikey won’t let me live this down for a while. So mine as well give him something good to make fun of me about right?” He could tell, Raph was trying to act as cool and uncaring about the situation as possible, but he really was having a bad time trying to hide his fluster. He even had a bit of blush on his cheeks. He might not have said it in the most polite way, but that he offered at all was a sweet act in itself.
\t“Earth to Leo. Anybody home?” He was once again tugged out of his thoughts as Raph waved his hand over his face.
\t“Uh yeah. Yeah. If it’s fine with you.”
\t“I offered didn’t I?” Raph pointed out.
\tLeo chuckled lightly as he turned his gaze back to the screen. As long as he didn’t have to look at him he could survive this. The music started and Raph was the first one that had to begin. He stumbled over his words a few times and had to start over before Leo was able to perform his part. The poor guy was both shy and amused.
\t“One more time Raph?” April asked with a huff. Her finger hovering over the start button.
\t“Yeah. Yeah. I got it this time. Don’t worry.” Raph rolled his eyes as he struggled to ignore Mikey’s constant laughter. The music started up once again for the fifth time and he took a breath before finally beginning successfully. Leo couldn’t help but smile.
I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry?
Father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some records on while I pour
Raph glanced over at Leo beside him. He had no idea what Leo was so worried about. Like he had said, his voice was just as beautiful as when it was before. Each part was hit perfectly and just as smoothly as the woman who was on the radio. If she had sung the male parts that was.
The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink? - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside
Leo tried his hardest not to giggle in the middle of his words. The switch in their voices and the parts made the song sound a little funny. But he had to admit, he was enjoying himself. He risked a peek over to Raph and was surprised to find he was looking at him. He was so sure he would be having the most awful time here with him, but the small smile on his brother’s face told him otherwise.
I've got to get home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your coat - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Thrill when you touch my hand
Why don't you see - How can you do this thing to me?
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside
Oh, baby, it's cold outside
Oh, baby, it's cold outside
Leo hardly noticed that April had taken out the CD as soon as the song finished. Barely took note that Mikey was still laughing about it and the others had fallen into a conversation. Their words blurred together and nothing but background noise to him.
He was still staring at Raph as he was at him. What happened to all the humor that the song had? It was, all of a sudden, no longer as funny by the end of it. He was just concentrating on Raph’s voice when he sung his parts and it looked like he was doing the same.
“Told you your talent hadn’t changed.” Raph suddenly spoke. Breaking their eye contact. He reached over and gently slipped the microphone out of his grasp. Placing the two down on the coffee table.
“Despite the higher notes?” Leo replied as he hid his hands behind his back.
“Don’t tell April but I think you’re a whole lot better singer than she is.”
He wanted to take that as an insult for comparing his voice to a females but he knew he couldn’t. He did have a female’s voice and Raph had just complimented it.
“In fact, you’re a better singer than any of us really.” Raph nodded as he took a moment to think about it.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Leo snorted. “Finally, a highlight to being a girl.”
“Well even before you were better.” The mint green turtle paused as he looked to Raph. He offered a small smile before he went back over to his place on the couch. What was with Raph all of a sudden? He had avoided him for about a month now, then out of nowhere he was talking to him again. Talking to him like he was his best friend or something. Being unusually semi-polite. And complimenting him on things not even he would take that much notice to. He had no idea whether he should be suspicious, flattered, or worried.
Maybe Raph was just trying to butter him up to make himself feel better from the guilt. Yeah, that must be it. He was trying to make up for what he had said to him. At least how harshly he had said it.
Leo nearly jumped out of his shell when arms flung around his neck. “That was awesome Leo!” He heard Mikey shout over his shoulder with a huge grin on his face. “Do you think you could do a duet with me to?”
“No! Only one song I said!”
“Pleeeaassee!” He whined.
“No!”
“But I love your voice bro! Pretty please!?”
Leo let out an annoyed sigh and grumbled some vile language under his breath. “Fine. Just one more and you promise to leave me alone?”
“I promise.” Mikey cheered as he slid off his shell and skipped away to choose a song for them. Leo rubbed the space between his eyes and shook his head as he waited for Mikey to return.
Unintentionally, his eyes slid back over to Raph who was still sitting casually on the couch. His elbows were propped on the back. He was talking about something with Donnie. The genius laughed at whatever it was and Raph took that moment to look at him. He was tempted to avert his gaze. Probably would have if he hadn’t caught something that prevented him to. Raph winked at him. Winked!
Leo’s eyes widen in surprise. Raph smiled and looked back to Don. Completely ignoring him now. What the hell just happened!?
“Leo, come on. I picked one out!” Mikey’s overly joyful voice interrupted him. A microphone being waved in front of his face.
“Alright Mikey. Alright. I’m coming.” He grabbed it out of his hand and proceeded to do what he had promised the youngest.
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