Chapter 1

For so long he knew what he was, no one could tell as such a state of being had no clear indication, unless they were flirtatious to their own sex. But it was still terrifying, the idea of being found out.
In just a few minutes, one misunderstanding turned into an event that would forever change the course of his relationship with what should have been the closest of family.

Even now his little brother bears a heavy grudge.


A water coloured bear entered their home wearing a devious grin, he tossed a folder at his brother who was preparing dinner.
"Ow! What did you do that for?" he turned around "Read it!" the smile would not cease as he motioned down, sighing he picked it up "What even is this, bills or..." he recognized the insignia on top of the page, it was pretty hard to miss; underneath in huge bold letters he saw 'CONGRATULATIONS!' various hearts and rainbow stickers placed seemingly randomly.
"...You..." the other bear laughed, waiting for him to reject the offer, showing he had something the other did not, guts.
"Getting cold feet? If you don't want to go you-" "I'll do it." his eye twitched, the fur on the back of his neck stood up, the sheer nerve to consider such a thing! "You didn't even hesitate..." how could this be? No way he would just agree to something so life changing and drastic, right?


They had 2 months to prepare and in that time the once exemplary, perfect brother started to crack under the many terrible thoughts he had of what could happen, how many ways he could die or get injured or how those terrible things could also happen to his little brother.
One week passed and what was once a pretty slim physique started to sag and deform, troubled by this he would cook himself some treats to soothe the intrusive thoughts of what could go wrong; their father had many friends who came back missing something or several things after serving time.

In just one month of choosing to go he was really starting to let himself go; binge eating to cope with the nightmares that would invade every night, but this is what Azulin, his little blue brother wanted. It's not like he could quit a month in to his promise to go.


"...Azulin...m-my belly" he grabbed his love handles that sagged above his lower half "...it's all...squishy...a-and my chest!" he sunk his digits below the tits, sweat moistening them. The sibling could not help but stifle a laugh "Eugh! Disgusting! Perhaps you should cut down on the snacks!" he no longer hid how funny he found it and laughed walking away, Gordi could not help but cry; no one else was around but the embarrassment was too much.

Again he made a comfort meal of pastries and milk.

The transformation the better sibling went under was otherworldly; it got to a point where for once, instead of being independent, he started asking for help from the slimmer bluer brother, unable to do more demanding tasks by himself and when before his ears were always perked showing he was full of confidence and happiness they now lazily flopped, only rising every few days for just a minute or two, and those were times when he thought about his younger brother (or when he would indulge in blueberry made treats) who throughout the weeks was nothing but dismissive and rude.
He worried so deeply for his little brother and how he would handle this; true he was the one to sign up for it in the first place but did he know how much things would change for them? If he did then he was doing a good job keeping strong. Or, maybe that is just it: this is the change he wanted in life, for a while Azulin would always talk about being able to do some things better than his once better half. Gordi would never talk back or down when he went on a tirade because he loved him so.

Even now he looked upon the younger brother with kindness and love.


"...Yes?" he was staring "Hehe...love you, little brother!" he turned away "Yeah, me too..." why was he being like this, did he do something wrong? Had his form became too repulsive to his sibling? Admittedly his once slim physique complimented by his stand out rosy eyes was now dragged down by excess weight. The weeks were not kind and neither was he to his stomach with more being stuffed into it every day.

No, it was not his fault but admitting so was hard.

Early on in life an important task was put upon him, one he would think about as the years went on from a long dead parent; concluding it was by no means a request but a demand, almost a right he had to give to just one person.

Protection of his little brother, Azulin. The pressure of the last few weeks had taken too huge a toll and he lost sight of what he was supposed to have been doing, but now it was too late for any sudden changes, his name ironically gaining a second meaning thanks to the sheer anxiety and coping mechanism he would indulge in.

He approached a mirror and stripped down, looking over his flabby form, while staring at it he couldn't help but think a disturbing scenario: If a threat was present what could he possibly do to defend himself or his brother? Sluggishness through weight would mean a bad end, straightening his back he stared himself in the eyes.

"I can't do this!" he sadly thought; it would be difficult, but if he could just pull through and prove himself as a soldier then he could prove that he was also a protector, but he had serious doubts. Azulin wanted to be a soldier and that mean he wouldn't need him any-more.

Again he fondled his sagged body and sighed.
He so wanted to keep his little brother safe from any dangers out there, even if he could probably handle himself.
Gordi put back on his clothes and took a deep breath, he walked over to their bedroom nervously. Azulin was looking out the window probably lost in thought.

"Hey little blue!" he placed a hand on his shoulder "I'm really sorry for how I've been to you. We don't have to do this! Remember that bakery we visited the other week? They said there was always a spot open for us and, well, we could always try and work there!"
At first there was no response, but after pulling his shoulder away he spat "Don't you dare look down on me, Gordi. For so long you have embarrassed me and made me look like the weaker one! If you're too much of a pussy to do this yourself though, you don't have to. This will be MY chance to prove I can be stronger than you, than anyone in fact! If you want I can just go all by myself and you can eat yourself stupid here..." he was in too sour a mood to give a harsher insult at the last part, making it sound not as hateful as he wanted it to.
Gordi fidgeted with his fingers and turned around, he started to walk away, emotions running high he was going to cry in secret but took a deep breath an tried not to.
If he really wanted to help Azulin, his little, struggling brother, he would have to tell him what was what.

"Azulin, I've never looked down on you or seen you as anything else but my brother! We don't-uh...YOU don't need to do any of this to prove yourself! I know I've made things difficult for you throughout our life but...I didn't mean anything by it!" Azulin turned around, clamping his jaw and clenching his fists "Oh yeah? How about those times where I finally bested you, huh? Pulling that sad puppy act! When everyone turned to you...you would always bask in that attention, that love...and then you would back to me...bastard."
Gordi winced at how hateful the last word was spat out, he was cowering, shaking as his dour sibling walked to him.

"That was...that was years ago, Azulin. We don't do any of that stuff any more!" he shakily said. "I think about those times still...remember that one girl I had a crush on?" Gordi blinked for a few seconds "You...you mean" Azulin threw his first punch, it wasn't strong but it still sent Gordi back a few steps "Piece of shit! I almost had her, we had a thing for each other for a while, I remember when she came along and we were betting on who could win in a race...you promised me you'd throw it and give me first place!" Gordi, still shocked by the punch and insult was shaking "I-I'm sorry! Back then I couldn't help myself-" he threw another punch, this one connecting with his gut, it could by no means wind him thanks to the extra padding but pain still travelled throughout.
"Then you decided you were too good for her when she came to you, yo-you rejected her when s-she asked you out...then I saw you with another..." Gordi blushed "When I told her later we were brothers she thought I was the same thing as you! She thought I was like...THAT!" he could feel his knuckles about to pop, throwing the hardest punch he could it instantly gave the scared sibling a swollen cheek. Gordi charged and leapt on Azulin.

Gordi pinned down his arms & legs and slammed a fat fist down on his face, Azulin coughed and gagged, the taste of metal filling his mouth and he could feel something warm run down his nose "Please stop this, Azulin! I'm sorry I made things so hard for you! You're right, I'm not a good brother and I took a lot away from you. But I never wanted to hurt you!" Azulin freed one leg and kneed him on the jewels "Get off me!" pushing him aside he got up and coughed some more; stumbling to the bathroom he cleaned himself up and hastily put some toilet paper in his nose to stop the bleeding.

Yet again he let himself be bested by his brother, even when he is a shadow of his former self: fat, slovenly and always moping. Azulin desperately wanted to charge back in and beat him up more, he wanted to pummel Gordi until he wasn't recognizable, to erase that pathetic look on his face, but he knew it would only spell trouble.

There was no reason to feel this way of course, it had been many years since then.
But the memories of what he could've had, the things that were missed out on because Gordi would get in the way, it sent a deep, hateful chill down his spine.
One day he would have revenge.

For as terrible as that day was, they kept things neutral between each other after their confrontation; agreeing to a truce when their coldness made their father upset, well, Azulin's coldness.

One day before it was time to depart they made up, though Azulin still felt great jealously towards his sibling he was willing to let up for a bit. If what he heard was true then training should be hell enough for his sensitive brother, eventually he would have to give up, those who left before they were supposed to without good reason would have a stamp of shame put on them, ostracising them from greater society.

Gordi would not be able to cut it and the thought made Azulin giddy.

"Oh how wonderful that day will be when I see him hand in his papers, his uniform, his honour and his pride! No more could he see himself above me. If I am to be more than what my family is I must first conquer the view of my status as the 'little' brother."


"Azulin? Are you okay?" he had a big dumb smile "Oh yes brother, I am fine! I'm so proud of you for sticking with your choice to come with me. I'm sure you'll do well!" he suddenly hugged the pink bear forcing a nervous gasp out. He pet his little brother and embraced back.

The time had finally come for them to set out, Azulin shot his brother a foul look when he wasn't looking "You know, Gordi. This won't be easy but I have faith you will do well, better than you think you will." despite the unknowingly false words of encouragement Gordi was deeply afraid. When Azulin wasn't looking he would clasp his hands together and silently pray.
While the prayer was silent his body language was not, he was shaking and looking away from their front door or their father, he was sweating greatly even though the air was cool.
Azulin took notice and placed a hand on his shoulder "Everything will be okay, Gordi! So long as we stick together we'll be fine, and I will be there to help you whenever you run into trouble."
Their father butted in and reassured both that training is the easy part and that only when they are finished should they worry about anything bad happening.

Azulin turned back to his worried brother smiling, eyes shining with love, or at least that's what he foolishly thought. Gordi looked away, blushing.

"Hehe, yeah, I shouldn't be worried, you'll be there with me."
"Ahaha that's right! As long as I'm around, you'll be fine. Just fine..."

Their father waved as they were being driven to the camp.

Deep down Gordi wanted to turn around and run back home, they weren't even out of eye shot and already was reconsidering; though what would that say about him? That he could not protect his own family like he had promised long ago?

Chapter 2

The sun was high and its rays were shining like a spotlight on the new faces. They all gathered in front of a podium atop a wooden structure: it had a heart on top with the usual army motto of 'HONOUR PAIN CUDDLES' A Corporal who introduced himself as Pompom began with a very formal speech, though first he had to overcome the height of the podium. Their would be Sargent ran over and placed a pile of books next to it, Pompom gave him a death glare and he ran off; some of the new recruits held back laughter while he was adjusting himself.

Gordi though could not help but take notice of his features; he had eyes similar to his own from a distance, he did not like to think too highly of himself as he felt it was egotistical but looking into another pair of pink eyes like his would be pleasant. The freckles that populated his face were kind of cute, especially when he had that angry look and they would contort and the beret was a cute colour too, though a little too big for his head. Gordi let out a giggle, this caught his attention and gave him a look that any more stern could have killed. Gordi looked away.

Pompom started with the usual introduction of the military and how one day they would be great soldiers, even if the road ahead would be difficult. He looked over the group before going any further and fixed his gaze on Gordi "You" he looked around "M-Me?" "Yeah you, why are you here in that state?" he pointed to his body, Gordi panicked "I-I was just under a lot of stress and well I...uh...you know." he could only squeak out the last two words, Pompom shook his head "No matter. You too will be made into a solider even if it kills...whoever is assigned to you."

Some of his fellow trainees laughed but there were those who looked at him sympathetically.

"From this afternoon, all of you will begin your basic physical exercises, please head over there to your room, any questions?" one bear with an unusually giant grin spoke up "Yeah, is it just one room for all of us?" the Corporal adjusted himself "Yes but do not worry, you all have ample space to store your clothes and other possessions; each of you will also have a bunk bed just in case you have brought siblings along or are already friends." the toothy bear wiped his brow and let out a noticeable "phew!"
Azulin could not help but eye up the others around him, some looked back and waved, he did so in return smiling. Gordi though was still a little stressed about all this and the looks he was getting...

They all set up their small living stations with accessories that they thought looked nice or complemented their wardrobe that they would not be wearing much of; their teacher and Sargent, who introduced himself as Caricias, gave them their uniforms and yelled at them to meet him at the edge of the camp for their first exercise routine.
Gordi asked Azulin if anyone was watching while he undressed, Azulin saw some looking their way but lied "No, they are busy with themselves." he knew Gordi was already in a fragile state, just one more push and he would go over the edge.

Truthfully he wanted him out now but waited for him to actually give up and not just cower away because some took notice of his jiggly form.

The fresh blood gathered to the edge of the training field and the Sargent began with a casual tone "Now, I have good info that some of you are rather..." he glances at Gordi "lacking when it comes to your physical health. But mark my words I will make soldiers out of you, men out of you!" his voice started to pick up "Oh trust me I have dealt with some real wimps, some real weaklings who could not tie their shoes without trouble, but when I was done? They were the best goddamned men you could ask for! You too will be the best of the best even if it kills me!" Azulins ears perked up, the best huh?

"However...for today you will be treated the best I am willing to treat you, when you begin your real training you will be given the full brunt of my tough love! Any excuse will be met with swift punishment, any disobedience...heh, you will be handed to Corporal Pompom...you wouldn't want to be dealt with by him, trust me!" they all gulped and steadied themselves for what was to come "That little guy?" Azulin laughed to himself. The Sargent took notice of his comment "10-no, 20 laps! NOW!" his voice hoarse they all started running laps around the camp, other recruits were hollering and cheering them on.

After the first lap some of them could feel their adrenaline pick up, Azulin looked at the others and noticed...they were falling behind? Could he truly be cut out for this?
He shook his head, now was not the time to focus on what could be, what will happen is more important. Once Azulin hit the second lap Gordi hit his first and he was slowing down, some of the other recruits who weren't in their platoon cheered him on louder while others boo'd and insulted him, shaming him for his weight; while being first to hit 20 laps was important Azulin could not help but feel a little bad.

Again he shook his head, Gordi could not possibly match him or anyone else here, he had to go.

As soon as the 5th round started for the blue bear Caricias screamed at the top of his lungs "STOP! Come here, NOW!" they all regrouped around the much larger bear "Okay...all of you, listen: for some of you that was fine, not good, but fine enough...for others, though..." he stared down Gordi, then two smaller polar bears who were holding hands "PATHETIC! If a Unicorn was here you would've been the first!" the Sargent recomposed himself "But this is just your first day...I expect a better showing tomorrow, dismissed!" they all saluted.

"The worst part about getting some fresh meat in is working them into the routine, but they might have potential." the Sargent grumbled to the freckled Corporal, writing down their performances "Alright. Was there anything notable about any of them? Aside from the fat one" the Sargent interrupted "Private Gordi! Put his name down!" he quickly went back to the small section he wrote on Gordi and put his name down "I'll make a man outta that boy! My pride depends on it!" "And your promotion as well...sorry sir!" he saluted then handed the report.

"These next few weeks are gonna be interesting."


The new bears spent some time pampering and prettying themselves, gawking at their beautiful, fluffy, cuddly, possibly attractive forms.
Or at least that is how they perceived themselves.

A banana coloured bear was looking over his clothes and let out an annoyed sigh "Packed all this for nothing it seems, damn..." he said to himself and Gordi, who looked down at his body snapped his attention Azulin who was paying attention to only himself in the mirror.

"No sagging or wrinkling, no blemishes or dirt! Beautiful! Ah, its as if I never left home!" Azulin smiled at his face, it was still soft and kept together despite all the sweat he had previously built up. He looked over to Gordi and smiled "You okay?" he looked down, ears flopping "I-I don't know...this is all so new a-and different!" he hugged him and reassured that everything would be okay.
They looked over to the polar bear twins, laughing and nudging each other "D-Do you think they will..." the other white bear loudly declared "They will kiss!" they both had a look of shock "What's wrong with you?" Azulin yelled, some of the other bears looked to the snowy twins "Nothing! We just love each other very much, there is no shame in that!" they kissed on the lips and giggled some more.

The bear with the giant teeth approached them "Don't pay attention to those guys! They take brotherly love to a freaky level!" he laughed "So who are you? I'm Azulin." he shook his hand "Sonrisas, nice to meet you! The next few weeks will be tough so let's stick together, yeah?" Azulin smiled back "Yeah, I'd like that!"
Gordi side eyed his brother and smiled, happy he made a friend.
When all the drama died down they all soon felt the labour of the task catch up with them and got some rest, wishing each other goodnights and good lucks for tomorrow.


"...Azulin...Azulin!" the cyan bear awoke "What, what is it?" he groaned "The sheets, they're..." he sat up and looked down, even in the dark the wet patch was apparent, he felt around just to make sure "It's no big deal, Gordi. Just swap it out with another pair and none will be the wiser!" Gordi giggled and wrapped the sheets around his arms, careful not to stain his fur with the pee-tainted covers.
"Even here? God-damn it!" he cursed to himself, at home this was no problem but in a place with strangers all around? He would need to be extra careful.

"Even here? Oh little brother. You won't need to worry about such things when I'm here!" Gordi could not help but feel happiness swell up, this was not a particularly clean moment but he sort of liked that Azulin had some vulnerability still, it reminded him of home.
Once the pink bear returned they quickly slipped on the new sheets Gordi embraced his sibling.


Sargent Caricias slammed the door open while they were all fast asleep, taking a moment to observe if any were disturbed. After a minute he sighed and yelled at the top of his lungs "GOOD MORNING MAGGOTS!" they all fell off their beds or started flailing around and quickly got on their feet, standing groggy but managed a quick salute "Good enough, get dressed and get to the field now!" he slammed the door shut. they all got dressed, not having enough time to beautify themselves.

The first exercise of the day was torture; many of them could not overcome every obstacle that was before them, so the Sargent set them aside and ordered them to take things one at a time, first hopping between tires, climbing ropes, climbing from one side of a tall post from one side to the other and crawling around barbed wire, making sure they would each one perfectly, every time they messed up he would yank the ropes or scream at them to start again.

For what seemed like hours they would repeat the same few things slowly wearing their bodies and minds down, the sheer toll it took on them was enough to make some of them cry or shut down, going on full auto-pilot, Gordi being one who would break down and give up. Azulin pushed on; he was determined to push through and do every obstacle in one goal. As gruelling as it was he finally pushed through and made it through "Not bad, rookie, but you already lost to him!" he pointed at Coco who was gasping for air and dousing himself in water. Showing his clear anger the Sargent laughed "Listen son, you might not like being in second place but look at it this way: you're still standing, not on your ass struggling to breathe!" Azulin smiled at that comment "BUT! Next time I will not give you, or anyone else the luxury of going each task one by one, am I clear?" he saluted "Yes sir!" Caricias grinned and looked to the others still falling behind "Azulin, Coco? Dismissed!" Azulin felt a deep sense of pride and smirked as he walked past Coco, he looked at the blue bear with a tired expression and kept drinking and pouring water on himself.

The barrack was alive with conversation and celebration for both Coco and Azulin, while the blue bear enjoyed the attention the yellow bear pushed them all aside and started smoking, puffing his first he shrugged "I was first, but I hardly did well." he walked to his bed and laid down, closing his eyes. Azulin looked over "At least some people know their limits!" he smugly thought, bragging about how active he was back home and got tired because he was not used to climbing; lying his way into their hearts.

Gordi kept quiet as his brother lied on about his ability, but when it came time to brag about his looks he could not help but appreciate them too.
But then those thoughts came again, about how much he let himself go, it was a horrible feeling. He ran to the bathroom and while they were all cheering and talking he quietly bit down on his hand and cried; his body was in such a terrible state and while today might have helped he could not shake the feeling he should have stayed at home, working on himself before trying something like this.
A knock sounded behind and he turned around, it was his little blue, his dear brother.

"Gordi? Are you okay?" he pulled him into a hug and tightly squeezed "I never should have come here, t-this is not the place for me!" Azulin shushed him and rubbed his head "Don't be like that, Gordi. You just need time to get used to it! I will be here for you." the change from how he was treating him before was still strange, but it helped. He wiped some of Gordi's tears away and led him out.

"There is nothing new, still all fresh and not used to moving past a snail trail. Two of them did well a-" papers were loudly shuffled "Yes I know." he glared at him "Sorry, Caricias. I've had a long day and I still have more crap, uh...work to get through." he grunted and got up but controlled his voice "Fair. God I hate doing this every day, why do you need to get a report straight from me?" "I don't know. The General just said to record absolutely everything, even if it means or concludes with nothing." they both sighed and wished each other goodnight.


Tomorrow was a repeat of yesterday but this time some of the recruits did much better, Azulin while still struggling cleared most of the courses first try, same with Coco. The others fell behind and Gordi was still in last place. They all gathered around the Sargent after an hour and he assessed them by effort, Coco came first, then Azulin, then he worked his way down until he got to Gordi "Last place...no problem. I'll work you until you speed past first place! Rookies, listen up! I know some of you are having trouble, but I will not give up on you! You are wool but I will sculpt you into steel! Do I make myself clear!" they all saluted and followed with a "Sir, yes sir!" in unison, he grunted "Get some lunch then meet me back here in thirty, and you!" he pointed at Gordi "Control your portions, the sooner you burn that fat the more of an asset you will be to your fellow men!" Gordi saluted him and joined the others.

After a rather unpleasant lunch they'd force themselves to down they started with weapon training, all starting with bows and ending with spears, they all performed terribly on both ends, unlike last time though there were no words of encouragement, just screaming about how they would have been turned inside out, crushed, stabbed and sliced apart by the brutality of the Unicorns.

They all took the insults and corrections on the chin: Azulin however was getting really pissed off with the constant berating of himself "So close to almost being good" then he would be blind-sided "You let me die, Azulin! Did I trust my life to a child?" his ego was being stripped more and more, even Gordi who performed the worst was just being told to do better. No, Gordi was being treated nicely, did the Sargent see something he or the others didn't? He was awfully nice to Gordi even when insults were being shouted; was he doing it to make them work harder, or did he think Gordi could surpass him in some way?
Yet again Azulin would be upstaged by his brother, even in a place where he is clearly not thriving, this could not stand.


They all stumbled into the barracks and collapsed on their beds, "Oh no! First you all clean yourselves!" the Sargent screamed. They all picked up their tired bodies and showered. Unlike last night none of them had the strength or the attitude to converse, they were all demoralized and pissed off at the constant screaming about how they didn't hit the perfect tiny spot on a target or swing and stab a spear the correct way even when they did everything down to the letter.

None of them had the spirit to wish the others a goodnight beyond some groans.

"Why do you even do this crap? I'd probably kill myself, or someone else if I had to do this every day!" the Sargent downed some warm milk and handed it over to Pompom, who took a sip off the other side as to not mix saliva "The General told me if I did this for a while I'd get to become a Sargent myself, so..."
The Sargent could not help but start laughing "Oh come on! You...you..." he was pissed off "When I finally become one I'll prove myself as the best out of all of you! How many failures have you had training and disciplining the men into being soldiers? Every time you don't know how to admonish someone you send them straight to me, yet you laugh?" he snatched the glass of milk back and tried his hardest not to crush it "I'll show you, and the others!" Caricias stormed out of the office and made his way to his own bed.


"...Azulin? Brother?" he groggily sat up "Yeah?" he pointed down "It happened again!" he looked around, everyone was either sleeping soundly or snoring "Heh, just swap out the sheets again! I could do it but I gotta change out of these" he said, stripping his undies off "okay?" he winked at the shy, pink bear. He quietly giggled and held all of the sheets in his hands, making his way to the changing rooms.

"You think he's better than me, sarge? You think I'm worthy of more shit than a bear who can't even hold a long stick properly? One who can't even pull a bow string back?" Azulin clenched his fists, he wanted to snarl and jump on him, draw blood with his claws.

He looked around, everything was so peaceful...this would be a good time to strike back at Gordi, to make him feel more doubt about even being there.


"HEY EVERYONE!" the azure one flicked the lights on, everyone quickly woke up or jumped out of bed "GORDI JUST PISSED HIMSELF! LOOK HE IS TRYING TO HIDE IT!" they all gasped and laughed at him, some gagged or called him a piggy. The door to their quarters burst open and the Sargent, tired himself still managed a good scream and asked what was going on "Sir! Private Gordi could not control his privates and made a mess of his sheets!" he inspected the piss soaked sheets and made a declaration "From this moment on: Private Gordi will be Private Bedwetter! Do this again and I will personally put you in diapers!" he covered his face and ran into the bathroom, again crying; amidst the laughter and mockery the Sargent yelled for them to get more sleep and they instantly jumped back into bed, shutting up.

Unlike last time Azulin would not come to comfort him, he slammed his hands on the walls and let it all out, when the lights went off again he suppressed his voice and hiccuped, letting the tears stain his fur all over. "Why did I come here? I have nothing to prove..." all he could do was get lost in his thoughts.
He hiccuped and cleaned off his stained fur, still moist with his tears and snot "Why would Azulin do such a thing? I-I can't give up...though..." he shamefully had thoughts of requesting leave which would place a bad reputation on him and his family, unless Azulin cleared their name with his own survival through the training period. He shook himself off and went back to bed, climbing to the top bunk to not cuddle up for the first time in years.

Only on the day he revealed what kind of bear he was and therefore was bullied for it did he not embrace, that too had not been done since before mother...

He had to stop thinking about it, already his pillow was moistening with tears.


The next morning their sleep had been interrupted as abruptly as the day previous. All started off by sparring with not weapons but their bare hands and feet, claws were allowed but discouraged if their opponent had not drawn their own yet or were going for kicks. All of them were tasked with dodging or blocking at least 100 hits, afterwards the one who blocked would begin attacking and the other would have to do the same, they were to repeat this 3 times so they had a good understanding of their limits when fighting without weapons.

Gordi was tasked with taking on Achuchones, the jade bear puffs out his chest and grunts "Bring it on, piss pants!" he laughs heartily and some of the others do to, including Azulin. Achuchones throws lots of quick small punches and Gordi tries his best to block them; looking over to Azulin he can see him dodge blows from Sonrisas, while looking the green bear lands a hard hit on him and after stumbling backwards he could taste blood. "Focus, bedwetter! Fatty! What? You just gonna take that, maybe it would be fitting for someone of your kind!" "My kind? W-What do you mean by that?" he laughed "Your brother told me about what kind of bear you are...I can't believe we have to share a space with you, hey everyone!" all of the other trainees in their platoon as well as some others who they hadn't even seen before turned their attention towards the two, Gordi was looking around, so many eyes on him...it was unbearable.
"This guy, Private Gordi, is a gay! Yeah that's right, he's a faggot!" many of the other bears around camp gasped and gossiped while others just yelled insults back at the green bear.

"Who cares?"

"You're one to talk!"

"Are you gonna kiss him or kick his ass?"

Soon what turned from jeering back at the mean bear would turn into a camp wide argument that erupted around them.

For the first time in years he had that word again.

Even now, years on, in a completely different point in his life, he could still remember the beatings and the name calling; Azulin would never step in when others were hurting him, physically or verbally; sometimes he would go so far as to pretend they weren't related.
Those memories came flooding back, how long had it been? Five years? Maybe more?
It had been so long since someone called him such a nasty, hateful word but even now its affects were apparent.

This time though, Gordi had a chance to fight back.

Gordi clenched his fists and scowled "Aww, is peepants angry? Oh, maybe you're into pissing too?" he let out a spiteful laugh. Gordi rushed at Achuchones and when he pulled back for another punch he swung and Gordi caught it, he head-butted the mocking bear, knocking him down; splashing mud into the once pristine green coat "You, you brute!" he slammed both hands down on his face "You think I'm weak? Y-You think you can make me feel bad?" tears stung in their sockets and ran down his cheeks, he choked "YOU THINK ANYONE CAN MOCK ME FOR THAT?" he slammed his hammers down again, making sure he broke something. He grabbed huge fist-fulls of mud and shoved them deep into his mouth or all over his fur. Gordi let out a scream and started punching him and burying him in mud more aggressively.

Around them many cheers sounded out while others watched in horror.

Some of his fellow rookies would call for him to stop or try to pry him off, but when they did they were met with an elbow to the face or a punch to the gut, with all the weight behind his punches he actually was pretty strong, if slow.

"Good god! I didn't know my brother get so angry!" Azulin exclaimed, nudging Sonrisas. He winced at the sight "He's taking things too far, should we try and get him off?" Azulin shook his head "We'd probably get hurt too, best leave it to the Sargent or another taller bear."

After a minute of pure chaos, all eyes and ears were on them no matter the training course or task, everyone of every rank looked at the beatdown. Some were just happy the brutal mundaneness of exercise and combat training was put to a stop for a few minutes; others wanted to step in and stop the violence but then thought the recruits own Sargent or another superior would do the job for them. Eventually their Sargent stormed over and shoved Gordi aside, Achuchones was crying and sputtering about how he was being killed and drowning in mud, he was in a real sorry state: blood stained the mud and ground around them, his nose and mouth painted in a sickening brownish red, the eyes smothered in the swollen flesh that made its way through his fur. All he could do was cry and gasp in air.

Gordi felt no pity and the others took in the sight in both amazement and horror.

"GORDI! FOR YOUR OUTBURST YOU WILL MARCH TO THE CORPORALS OFFICE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS AND DRAG YOU THERE MYSELF!" Gordi's urges came to a halt and he panicked, running towards the building, it was three stories tall with the top being his destination. When he entered he could feel so many emotions building up and then started crying, all of the stress had caught up and the fact Azulin would tell anyone else of who he really was, it was too much to handle.
He spent the next few minutes letting it all out, his bloodied, muddy hands staining his face though he did not care, all of that could be cleaned off later, but the old wounds being opened could not.

He pulled himself together and carefully made his way up the stairs, dreading what kind of lashing he would get, if not worse.

He knocked on the door and a voice called "Get in here, Gordi." he did as such and saw him again, Pompom.

Now that he was closer he got a better look at him, despite his mature and strict demeanour his smaller stature and angry face lent a kind of cuteness he did not get from the others. Those eyes were definitely a lighter shade of pink than his own and his freckles seem to also populate his neck and would run down from his neck to-"Gordi! We need to talk." he adjusted some papers to his side and stared at him, clearly angry with his actions.

"Now, tell me what the hell happened!"

Chapter 3

All of the aggression and adrenaline had finally subsided; once full of vigour and rage he was now reduced to his usual sensitive self, he shook in place and wanted to collapse then and there: Exhausted from the effort of the beatdown, fists pulsing and aching with crusty mud and viscera that he could not tell was his own or the one who mocked him so horribly.
He tried to hold back tears but some still fell through "I-I defended myself..." the freckled bear stood up "In melee training? You are to block and return blows not beat up your comrades."
He sniffled and looked down "He mocked me...for..." again the bear opposite of him spoke up "Words are just words, you will get over them in due time. But why the beating? Is it really that simple?"

Gordi looked at him "He called me a very mean word. One that is used on...people like me." "Hmm, 'people like me'?" he sniffed.

"I'm...I can't say it!" for so long he had kept who he truly was hidden from those around him, long ago Azulin caught him in an intimate moment with another boy rather than the girl he was chasing after who, after beating his little brother in a race instead had her eyes on him. Ever since the blue bear held a deep grudge; this was so long ago and since then Azulin has treated him differently. In what seemed like a different lifetime he was a loyal, nice little brother who got into trouble but it didn't end with any strife between them. Then one day when he was confronted by him and some other boys, they all ganged up on him and both assaulted and insulted him; afterwards Azulin would break up any beatings if they got too severe as to not arouse suspicion from their father, but would always join in on insulting and mocking his brother, even going so far as to pretend they weren't related.

"If you don't tell me then I'll have to write this down as a severe aggravated assault and you might be discharged, dishonourably might I add! Opening wounds then shoving dirt in is not looked at as simple roughhousing."
He again looked away, he was going to have to admit as to who he truly was.

"Ah, okay...well Pampam I-" "It's Pompom! Corporal. Pompom!" he cowered "Sorry! W-Well Pompom I am uh, you see...I'm not like most other people. I have uh...I'm what you would call" he fidgeted with his hands and looked away "a-attracted t-to other...men..." his voice trailed off, Pompom stepped back and was silent for a moment "Oh, I see ..." he sat back down and looked through some papers "Alright Gordi: I'm not a miracle worker and I will never claim to be but your situation is clearly different from many others, so..." he gulped at those words, this was it; he was going to be sent home and with that would come shame to him and his family name! The tears stung again and he started to cry.
"Gordi? From now until the end of next month you will be assigned a new teacher. Don't worry, you won't be going home or miss out on any of your training, instead you will work with one person who can whip you into being better disciplined, the fact you're still here despite your shortcomings shows me you want to be a soldier." he was shocked at this sudden turn and smiled through the tears "But remember: you are still held to the same standard as the others and will undergo most of the same training and by preventing any further socialization will lead to further fall backs, clear?" he nodded.

Pompom called for a superior to come up to arrange a new teacher. A tall bear stepped in who was clearly annoyed at being asked to actually assess the situation "Ah, Captain Hocicos, sir!" he saluted "This trainee got into a pretty bad fight with another trainee and beat him severely. He needs to be put aside for his own teacher, sir!" he looked Gordi up and down "So you're the one who caused the commotion? Quite annoying, but you seem to have some good strength behind that fat, boy." then back to Pompom "Okay. From now you are officially Private Gordi's new trainer, don't disappoint me!" he was in disbelief "Me? Wait no you can't do that! I'm supposed to deal with all the paperwork and...and filing the folders!" he shot the freckled bear down "Exactly, all you do is sit all day and mess with paper, you've even stopped doing your guard routes lately. Get this soldier into shape and bring out his true potential, talk back again and you will be demoted back to a grunt! Must I repeat myself?" "N-No sir!" he saluted again.

The captain took his leave and grumbled under his breath "Brats..."

"Goddamn it!" Pompom shoved several papers off his desk, furious his very important job was going to be put on hold for nearly two months "I should have assigned you for one week." he angrily grabbed a not so muddy part of Gordi's arm "Come with me! We're going back to my quarters. You are going to clean yourself and YOU are going to do some work, understand?" Gordi sniffed "Y-Yes, sir..."

On the way they made a stop at the barracks Gordi was staying at and collected his things, Azulin walked over and asked what was going on "I'm taking your brother to stay in my quarters for a while, I have been assigned as his new personal teacher. Hopefully I can discipline him not to fly off like he had today." before Azulin could start protesting Pompom reminded him "At any moment I could have you written up for disobedience too, don't push it now, your brother already has and I don't like the outcome."

When they got to his living space Pompom threw his clothes into a spare room "Clean! Now!" he pointed at the shower, it was only big enough for one person, or maybe that was Gordi's width taking up space.

The moment he began scrubbing it hurt; the mud was dried to his fur and it took a great deal of effort to get through it and while doing so, he started to think about why Pompom did not just kick him out immediately.
He thought back to when they all first came, the fact he couldn't even stand on the podium without something to boost him...
Gordi found it to be incredibly adorable, even when he was upset, the way his pretty eyes would furrow and the fact he would always lock eyes and never look away, it was meant to make the recruits uncomfortable and to make them pay attention.

Gordi though, could not help but feel a certain way, it was not wise to do so for one who he would only known for a short period, one who would come into his life for a small part of it then go, but only since that one terrible day had he had not felt any real attraction to the same or opposite sex.

When he even considered those feelings fear began to take hold, their father could never know what was going on inside. Azulin agreed to never tell him as 'the shame would make father just as ill as mother once was'

Perhaps it was the adrenaline from the stress of arrival or of the violence that took place before, but the fear for a few moments was not there.
There hadn't been much kindness other than that of mercy from not receiving a harsher punishment for his actions, so why where those feelings even there?

The shower took much longer than he wanted it to but eventually all of the filth and blood was scrubbed off, he could still smell the iron on his arms "Wow, I must have really hurt Achuchones..." he stepped out of the shower and dried himself, Pompom pointed him to a spare room he had with a bed and a small wardrobe.

"You took a while to clean yourself, trying to skip out on training?" Gordi shook his head "My fur got matted with the dirt...and blood" Pompom crossed his arms "Uh, sir!" he hummed "Better. Fair enough, it's already lunch time but I'm not gonna go easy on you, my line of work was very important! I would sort out and properly file the many papers that we get every day, without me some other idiot will take over and surely mess things up! I bet they wouldn't even sort things alphabetically. Oh when I get back it will be hell to re-organize!" Gordi couldn't help but let out a small giggle "WHAT? You think it's funny? Why don't you try to file 1000 pages per day, reading every page to properly place them!" he looked down at his feet "S-Sorry I just...I didn't know you liked filing papers so much..."

Pompom gave a heavy sigh "I hate it! Before I had a much more distinguished role: being the personal escort of the higher ups, fetching them food and wine to feed them so they can keep energized and lead us more. It wasn't pretty work, but someone had to do it!" Gordi stared at him dumbfounded.

"Um, sir, if I may? It sounded like a lot of busy work, why did you have to do such things?" he shuddered "Well, no one else was willing to do it so I stepped in and because of that I became Corporal!"
"You know, it seems like what you do here is-" he shot Gordi a death stare "only busy work...do you like what you do here?"
"I don't need to answer that, Private! Get dressed and..." he could hear the fat ones stomach rumble "Actually...make some lunch, for the both of us! Then I'll see what your first task is." he saluted and began hastily putting together a meal.

The ingredients were scarce but anything was better than the strangely bug infested porridge he had the last day. He mixed together some vegetables and potatoes together "Do you have any sauces or spices?" the brown bear, who was busy moving things around shrugged "I used up my months allowance of them already; when I've ran out I just make something that fills me up rather than taste nice." he smiled and began cooking.

Gordi peered around the room and took in the strangeness of its design: the stairs leading from the outside to the entrance was only 5 steps long. No ornaments or adornments brought any kind of personality to the place, save for some photos of Pompom in various stages with life with what could be family on a large, clearly old drawer. The layout was crude with there being a door to a small spare room and the one opposite to a bathroom, all wooden save for the shower which looked incredibly out of place. The rest was all connected, the "kitchen" was a sink and cooker against a wall with a fridge that seemed new. On the opposite end was Pompom's bed and work desk  that had a cupboard filled with books and letters. Right next to the bathroom was a dryer, there was a washing board next to it.

"Lunch time is over, Private! Hurry up and-" Gordi set a pot of the simplistic meal down "You had a lot more food to work with than I thought!" he scooped some into two bowls and handed over one "Go on! Try it!" he reluctantly sat down "Fine, after this we get straight to work!" he quickly shoved spoonfuls of the food into his mouth and let out a satisfied grunt or two every few bites "Not bad, I mean this is what I make almost every day but, good work on not messing it up, Private!"

Gordi gave him a proud salute "Now eat your half so we can get to work already." he complied and chowed down; it was so much better than what he was forced to eat days before, but got curious "Did you hate the porridge too, Pompom?" he relaxed and addressed Gordi in a more normal tone "We didn't have porridge back then; we had a cycle of meat and veggies, sometimes we'd have pork or beef patties and breakfasts consisted of either toast or a strange nutrition pastry thing that tasted like apples and coffee was often paired with them. As time went on though..." he looked outside to make sure no one was approaching "They thought newer recruits had it too good and decided to save money reducing what we could eat until it was nothing but porridge, bland and incredibly cheap to mass produce. A year ago they introduced it a breakfast only meal, then it replaced lunch and eventually it was nothing but porridge. Those of a higher rank though..." he looked over to his fridge "are allowed some vegetables and meat, I'm not at a high enough rank to get any meat yet though." Gordi thanked Pompom for the opportunity to cook again and learn more about how things worked.

Pompom escorted his new student to the fields and several bears around them snapped their attention. Some of them gave a thumbs up to Gordi and clapped for him, yelling that he did a good job putting Achuchones in his place. He still felt a little bad for what he did.

"They seem to like you. Don't think your act of violence is normal. Now, run 10 laps, if you do any less your next lesson will be much harder!" he started running. With his day so far not requiring more running activities he found it difficult to get a good pace going and by the second lap he was already feeling his weight get to him but pushed through the pain.

Remarkably he made it to the fourth lap until he tripped over; looking back at Pompom, who slapped himself on and shook his head, seeing this Gordi pushed himself to do a fifth lap and after feeling his feet go numb he managed it, finally collapsing to his knees.

"You did better than your last few tries, but it still needs work." he looked up "Huh? How do you know..." he wiped some sweat off and sharply took in some air "Oh, the paperwork, right..." he got up and straightened himself, still panting "What is next?" Pompom handed him a canteen "Take five, then keep going. I kind of want to see you finish this." he saluted and hydrated himself.

Gordi pushed himself through the next few laps, trying hard not to stumble again, he wanted to impress his superior even if this was a time not to impress, this was supposed to be part of a punishment after all.

The final lap came around and he was dragging himself, the adrenaline spike pushed him ahead but he could feel his chest pounding, the sweat smothering every inch and his vision blurry "I can do this! Just a little bit more!" he thought, only a few more steps and he would make it.
When he made the final step he tripped over again, this time not getting up. Pompom looked at him curiously "You actually did it, guess I got another surprise today."
he poured some water on him and motioned for the pink one to rise "Gordi...hello?" he gave a small kick to his side and clicked his fingers "Oh for..." he sighed and cursed to himself, lifting Gordi by the arms he dragged him back to his living quarters.


"That was a pretty bad move you pulled there, kinda' feeling real bad for him right now." Azulin turned to his new toothy friend "Don't! You don't know what he's really like! Gordi became obese before we came here because he couldn't stop stuffing his face, claiming to be under pressure and then he'd put me down again. For my whole life he has upstaged me but this is my time!" he laughed and pulled back the bow, for once hitting a target "Yes!" "Don't get so cocky, you've missed every other shot!" the Sargent screamed clearly not impressed, he shut up and kept firing, hoping to hit the target areas on and not around the crafted representation of their mortal enemy.
Sonrisas shook his head and fired too "Sounds like a piece of work when you put it like that, but then again I only got to know you two recently" now he had hit a target and fist pumped in pride "I believe you though, looks can be deceiving sometimes." Azulin wondered for a moment then fired, again missing "Hope that bastard is scared away soon...I can only imagine how much shame he would bring all of us." he felt himself get heated again.

Slowly he delayed his breaths and focused on the task at hand "Everything will work out, the one who always shamed me and took my victories will soon be gone and forever shamed." he menacingly though, laughing out loud at the thought of it all.

Missed again "Stop talking and fire!"


The stench of over-applied aftershave and cigar ash filled the modest living space, Pompom could not help but cough every minute with how overwhelming it was.

"Like I said before: you are to get that boy into shape by the time you are done with him or you'll go back to being a recruit yourself...or..." the Captain looked towards Gordi's room "We could send you back home. Your service with us was valuable and you weren't useless by any means but the longer one stays the more we expect from them." Pompom shuddered and nodded "I understand, sir. Sorry to bother you..." he took another puff "No need to worry, in a place like this the only way he could keep that weight is if he had a way to eat all the time. Now you are capable of doing this, but you need to pull your own weight around. I'll take my leave." he took a few steps before stopping "Oh! Of course I forgot to mention" he handed over two folders "Every week detail his weight loss and physical progress and make sure to HONESTLY report his progress when it comes to training, I know you're not a liar Pompom, but if he under-performs tell us!" he saluted "Yes, sir! Thank you sir!" he smiled and took his leave.


No noise was present when the exhausted recruit regained vision, now staring at a wooden ceiling barely visible, the body was tired and very stick with the moistness of sweat gluing the clothes and bed sheets beneath him.
Putting aside the off-putting sounds of his clothes making wet sounds when he pulled them off his fur, he soon remembered what happened.

Feet still aching and calloused, wondering out of the room he meekly walked out "Hold on. Clean! Now!" he pointed to the shower for a second time "D-Did I do good?" "AFTER YOU CLEAN! You're already stinking up the place!" he hurried over and slammed the door behind him.
"Was that smoke and...perfume?" he had no time to really think the smells over.

The second shower of the day went much easier than the last, though Gordi could feel himself grow warm below: it had been around a week or so since he took care of a more private area.
Out of shame and fright he looked over to the door and kept the water running, it had been a while so surely this could be taken care of quickly.

Closing his eyes many scenarios were being envisioned, dirty ones at that. With who or whom he had no clear idea of; strange was it to have this moment of pure lust in what was the interim between one moment of exhaustion and of eating.


During that minute of pure bliss nothing could come to mind, pure feeling and sensitivity drove his paws to movement. He could only tremble and hold in small moans and squeaks as it went on, the release was far messier than was expected, satisfied he let out a little dirty laugh and let the water clean the results away.


Steam and warmth came airing out of the room and with it Gordi only had a towel this time "Put on your clothes and eat, we need to talk." he looked back "I guess you have another pair?" Pompom was going to yell at Gordi for not having more army attire before it hit him "I'm responsible for him, no one else." he shook his head and sighed "Put on your regular uniform, whatever it is. I'll clean the training wear." Gordi dried off and slipped on a pink shirt that almost covered his belly and love handles and slipped on some underwear.

He walked back out and sat next to the Corporal who had heated up their food, he dug in.

"You're taking this pretty casually, aren't you?" Gordi blushed and looked away "Well it's better to be comfortable than always stressed out." he finally took some bites of his own dinner "Did...Did you wait for me before you started eating?" Pompom frowned "Yeah? It's what you do when you eat with others." he could not help but giggle "What?" "Oh it's nothing! Me and my brother only did that when we were children, back when...our mama was around." he continued eating, trying not to bring down the mood, if there was one.

"Understandable." he put his cutlery down and brought out some papers "Remember the Captain? He asked me to write down your weight loss and training progress. I was asked to honestly report on you so I will only write down what really happens, got it?" he nodded while chewing "Good" he looked outside, the sky was bright with stars "It's too late for more training. But there is still time before we sleep, so..." he brought out a pile of books from under the table "I need to make it loud and clear: by no means should I even consider this, but...some literature should keep you attentive when it comes to lessons about strategy and cartography. None of the other soldiers get this privilege unless they bring books themselves." Gordi looked over them, there must have been around 30 all tied together in several small piles.

"Pompom...thank you!" he finished the last of his meal and crushed him in a bear hug "Urgh...It's quite alright, let me go Private!" he let go and apologized, saluting him afterwards.
Some time passed as Gordi started with a book filled with old tales; though made for children quite a few had bizarrely dark endings that with such a morbid outcome would only give a simple moral.

Pompom knocked on the opened door "Gordi? Bed time!" he closed the book and saluted "Yes, sir!" he let his arm down and smiled warmly "Good night, Pompom!"

"Huh? Oh, um, good night to you too, Private!" he saluted back.


'...what's with this guy? He naturally follows what I say but that attitude is so nice and carefree, those sugary laughs and kind demeanour. Even when I correct him or suddenly force him to do something he just accepts it with a smile. I even pushed him to unconsciousness and yet no talking back or show of aggression. Either he must want to change himself as much as I want...no, need too. Why did I call a superior and open my big mouth? Now I have to share all of my time for the next few weeks with him.
The way he looked at me back in the office was quite strange. The ears had a very sad to look to them, but in a few brief moments they revealed themselves when he was eating dinner with me. Then again he is attracted to those of his own gender, am I potentially desirable? Possibly. Would I want to be?'

Pompom stopped writing and thought for a moment, that turned into a minute, that turned into several minutes.

"Forget this..." he closed his dairy and got up from a desk that was affixed to the wall next to his bed, he got under the covers and turned the lamp off.

As with every night he could not help but think about his role and why he would not just leave. There were a lot of reasons not too but the longer he stayed the more he realized that those who have a longer stay are expected to do more.

Then he could only think of years past, long before he was old enough to join, how different things were.
Then the memory of those times came back to him. He looked at the clock on the desk and realized an hour had passed. "Looks like I won't be sleeping tonight."

He checked in on Gordi who was snoring loudly "At least one of us can sleep..." he took his leave and exited the living quarters, looking at the darkened barracks and buildings around them.
He grew envious of their quiet rest, how he longed to lay his head down and do the same, he continued his walk until he was near an outhouse, just barely at the border of the camp.

Pompom looked around and called out to see if anyone heard him, no one called back.
He primed himself at the side of the outhouse and with as much force as he could, he started punching it.
At first the blows were methodical and planned, one after the other. Then they became sloppy and more forceful.

When his knuckles began to bleed and skin and fur began to break and flake off he stopped. He slammed his palms against it and felt his insides begin to tighten "Fool...you are worth nothing...freak..." he screamed and pummelled the wall some more. 

When the pain became too unbearable he turned around and laid his back against the wall, not damaged enough to be noticeable but he could hear the flakes and splints of wood prickling against his coat, he delivered one final blow with the back of his head "You should be dead..." his eyes started to sting and he started crying, snot and tears drowned his freckles and hands, no one was there to comfort him and they never were.


He went back to his home-at-camp and cleaned the snot and blood off, the flaking skin hurt to pick off. He checked on Gordi again, still sleeping, he could not help but stare for a minute, then went back to his desk and spent the night reading some books he had not yet handed to Gordi and hooked up some headphones to a radio.

Chapter 4

...One day in the middle of spring the sun stated to set. Great yellows and oranges shone through the windows of a school, though large in size the student population was not as daunting as it would first seem.

It was the end of the day when a bear, who stood much taller would wave down a pink bear who was one of their few honour students, he was smart, athletic, diligent, kind and punctual.

The features though were covered in shadows, the exposed face and hands were covered in a strange shroud and the eyes were a reflective black, the voice was low but comforting.

This is how he has appeared for years now.

Today though was much different from the others, his little brother demanded he engage in a racing competition and was to intentionally lose to impress a girl he had feelings for, he knew she was not a nice girl and was very loose with her romantic or 'other' interests. The feelings of his little brother were important though so if he were to have his heart broken, he at least got to experience the love he so wanted for just a bit.

"Gordi! Hey, you staying behind for extra classes again?" he leaned against a locker that was not his own but the lack of crowds or people wouldn't pose a problem "No. Today Azulin asked me to do a race with him, well against him to win a girls heart. He hasn't had much luck so I thought I'd, you know..." the taller bear laughed and ruffled his head "Always the little angel, aren't you?" Gordi giggled "I just want to see him happy."

The taller bear looked to the sunset "What if you win? I know how you get when someone challenges you in something."

"I won't, I'm going to throw the race for him. I know he can't win against me."
"So...you don't want her affection?"

Usually Gordi would not be blunt about his feelings in what would be a negative way but this time was different.

"No, it's ________"

"No way! He wants HER?!?" he could not help but laugh, though he stopped when he saw Gordi look away, clearly not happy "Sorry man. I know little blue's happiness is important, why if I had a bro I'd do the same! Just...no, I don't need to say more. Hope it works out for him." he playfully punched his shoulder and walked away.
"You won't stick around?" he looked back "For what? Seeing you eat dirt?" Gordi looked annoyed "The race!"

The taller bear walked back "Why? I know you're gonna win, so you'll choose to lose to make Azulin happy. Nothing to really see is there?" "So you're just going to leave? I thought we were gonna get dinner again..." he laughed "Aw, you upset we won't have dinner? What's one day?"

Gordi blushed and crossed his arms "I like your company, you're a great friend to have around and talk to, it's far easier to talk to you than Azulin even if he is family and I love him dearly."
"Yeah, friend...okay, I don't have anything important going on at home anyway."

The sun had barely moved and already they were out on the running track, Azulin smirked and bragged that he could beat his brother in a race to an audience of two, the girl he had a crush on and Gordi's friend, who cheered for Azulin to raise his spirits. It was to be a best of three but somewhere deep inside, there was a feeling.

Despite what he had promised Gordi greatly indulged in the attention he would get but always act shy to not seem like he was an egotist. He looked to Azulin and smiled, Azulin made the mistake of frowning and declaring he will finally be the loser for once.

It wasn't just a mistake, it was a massive one.

When the race started they both charged, Azulin in a speedy jog and Gordi in a sprint, within a minute he cleared the first lap while Azulin wasn't even at half way.
The second lap was cleared in a similar time while Azulin had just made it a quarter ways into the second himself.
By the third Gordi cleared the finish line and Azulin had not even reached the end of the second, Gordi was drenched in sweat and was heaving for air "You think you could best me? You think you could beat me? Huh?" he boasted and made his way to the showers.

Following him was not his friend but the girl who Azulin had feelings for "Hey! I could not help but notice you are..." he had stripped off his shirt "wow...you uh, have a girlfriend?" he shook his head, still recovering from the race "Maybe you'd like one? We co-" Gordi stood up and walked past her "Sorry, I already have a dinner set for tonight." he tried not to show his disgust towards her.


"Come on, let's go!" his friend called, he smiled and approached. They began to converse as they walked down towards the exit before he grabbed and quickly rushed him into a closet.

"W-What are you doing?" he lowered himself down to meet Gordi face-to-face "I-I don't know what to say or how to say it...but, you're beautiful..." he held his head in his hands, both cheeks cupped by the larger bears hands, they weren't muscular but slim, the thumbs fondled his cheeks and mouth, his deep breaths could be felt and it smelled of mints.
He could see himself reflected in his eyes, his own rosy orbs stared back at him. He brought himself in closer, their noses touched, their foreheads touched, their mouths touched.

Gordi's insides were being crushed, a deep pressure formed in his stomach.

Their mouths interlocked and he could feel the saliva start to mix with his own, the tongue of his long known friend start to caress the innards of his mouth.
His insides were turning to knots and the anxiety had became too much to handle.

Gordi pushed him back with enough force to make him hit the wall "I'm sorry! I'm sorrysorrysorrysorry I'm sorrysorrysorry!" he backed up, gasping.

"I can't do something like this..." he deeply breathed in and out, cold sweat running down his face. The friend looked towards the door, it was ajar and he swore he heard someone run by "Why not? Don't you like me?" Gordi turned around "I'm really sorry. I like you, a lot, but I..." he tried to suppress his more fragile side "Can we just be friends for now? I like what we have but...look, maybe in the future we could...you know?" he hugged him from behind, forcing a squeak out of the shorter bear "Yeah, that was a bit sudden wasn't it? I've felt this way a while now but..." Gordi blushed and giggled, still filled with some doubt & anxiety "I'm just not ready for that stuff yet...sorry..." he laughed and let go of him "Take your time, I can wait. you still up for dinner?" he nodded "Yeah, I'm starving!"


When the sun had fallen for the night Gordi made his way home, he opened the door to their home and was met with Azulin sitting at their dinner table "Oh, hey there, little brother!" he hugged him from behind "You okay?" he was met with Azulin pushing him away then punching him in the face "In all my years did I not think you would turn out to be..." his knuckles cracked when his fists tightened "A filthy, degenerate, limp-wristed little..." he got on top of him and began punching, Gordi had a bit more muscle mass so he could block his blows but did not want to strike back.

"Please, brother! Stop it! Why are you doing this!" he kept going, the blows were very weak but the quickness of them threw him off "You remember her? _____? She thinks you're a fucking fag! She saw you and another boy kissing!" finally Gordi pushed back and punched him in the face and shoved him aside "GET OFF!" he saw his brother, bleeding from the nose and looked away "Sorry, Azulin. A very good friend of mine tried to kiss me but...I told him I wasn't ready for something like that yet..." "So you considered it before?" "NO! Why do you even want her in the first place? Everyone knows she is...I mean she doesn't stay with one boy for long..." Azulin looked at him with shock "T-Those are just rumours! Nothing more!" he spat and crawled back up "Tonight you don't sleep next to me. I don't want to be NEAR you..."

He looked at Azulin as he walked to their room and slammed the door behind him, their father was not home yet but he made a mental note to tell him he would be staying up to do extra homework, he had never lied to his own father before but he had done such homework into the night so it would work. It was a cover to sleep on the couch.

The next day though was when things would change.

Before he could ask someone as to what was going on a group of boys and girls he had never really known approached "So, is it true? You like it up the ass?" the words shocked him but he shot back "No! Where did you hear such a thing?" they all shrugged "Who knows, just watch yourself though. We don't take kindly to your sort." this didn't feel real, then it happened again after their first class.

The day would go from awkward personal questions to intimidation and name-calling. Gordi was by no means thin or weak, but he had a hard time with the thought of harming another though sometimes when someone would grab him he'd punch back.

Soon they would jump him, in groups or with a small team of two or three but would carry sticks or pipes. The first time he saw Azulin join in he knew who told them.

Where was his friend? The one who tried to kiss him? The one who got so close, the one who's breath smelled of mints...

..........................................................


Gordi stretched and yawned, for as abrupt as the previous days awakenings were today it was not so, better than before he thought.
"It's been so long since I've had that dream..." he shuddered. Long ago he would have the same dream every night, repeating the events over and over to see what he could've done differently: as the years went on the identities of those involved started to be lost, both out of intent and out of time passing. Now was not the time to focus on the past; the thought of being yelled at and punished more by Pompom made him shudder and he quickly got dressed. He wondered why Pompom had not yet woken him up yet.

Pompom was sleeping at his desk, coffee spilled all over the floor and he had his head in a book that was mostly finished, a radio was blaring static from some headphones and there were several papers on the floor, they were the future reports he was to give. For a moment he stared at him peacefully sleeping.
He took note of how quiet his little snores were. Gordi giggled and brought himself in closer, cleaning up the coffee and lifting his head up.

They were so close, he could smell the stale coffee from his breath, it wasn't nice but the warmth was oddly pleasant. He shook his head and realized they should get started.

Quickly he cleaned the cup and prepared breakfast for them, it was the same as yesterdays two meals but heated up it should be fine, along with more coffee for his superior.
"Hey, Pompom...hey!" he gripped his shoulder and shook him; it took a few seconds but eventually he woke up and slapped his hand away.

"Ah, Pompom! It's time for breakfast!" he smiled, but took notice of bandages around his knuckles, some red visible on them "Pompom! What happened to you?" he yawned and snapped "Don't yell into my ears and it's none of your business! I'll take of myself and you take...ah, right. I'm supposed to be taking care of you." he cracked his neck, it was stiff from the unusual sleeping position but he'd dealt with it before.

"Thanks for the breakfast though, after this we start." they both quietly ate and got ready for the day.

Pompom cleaned his injured knuckles and while the cuts had mostly closed up there was visible bruising even through the fur, he wrapped them again.

They stepped onto the field and Pompom sighed "Today you are to...do some sparring, then if there is enough time I'll teach you some things about mapping unfamiliar places." he looked around, not many were out now and those who were only focused on each other. "Try not to kill me, yeah?" Gordi had a look of shame and nodded "Okay, first I try to hit you and you dodge or block, if a blow connects with your face or body then you will do what I did and we keep going until I feel like it, clear?" he saluted.

Despite his worries Gordi held up pretty well against his blows, he was clearly holding back but he still had a tough time dodging, blocking was no problem. When the first blow hit him in the chest Pompom stopped and started blocking himself.

Pompom though could not be touched, every time Gordi surprised him with a quick punch to the side he would expertly duck or leap back. "Still got it!" Pompom proudly declared after Gordi started to slow down, he tutted and stood in place "Gordi? With your hardest punch try to break my defence, I promise I won't move." Focusing he pulled back and delivered the hardest punch that was possible "Hrnf!" Pompom winced and backed up "Not bad, not bad...though you need to try and hit a moving target." he held his arm, it hurt quite a bit.

Gordi delivered many more swings, eventually connecting a fist with the side of his body, the punch was pretty weak but he commended Gordi on the tiny victory "FInally! Rest for a moment then try again, you have to hit me ten times, no less!"

A certain blue bear looked from a distance, observing his own blood practicing melee again, though not flying into a rage this time. He frowned and focused on his own lesson of going through the obstacle course again. Though his body was being pushed his mind was still busy with all the ways Gordi could be kicked out, salivating at the idea of his name being shamed.

"That was pathetic! Go again!" their Sargent yelled.


For the next hour they repeated the same actions, exchanging blows and taking them, carefully dodging and backing up from each other.
When Gordi made the tenth and final blow to his face Pompom rushed forward and held his arms in his hands, then lowered them "That was not good" he checked a pocket watch he kept hidden in his coat "an hour? Very disappointing." he looked at him, sulking "But you at least managed to actually strike me a few times, next lesson of this kind will be with weapons." Out of nowhere bells rang throughout the camp, someone called out to gather inside a building.

Pompom looked over and crossed his arms "Right now? You're gonna interrupt my lessons for that?" Gordi looked towards the building curiously "What's going on?" "It's time for another reading from the 'holy book' you can go if you want." he gave Pompom a look "Do you not believe in it?" he looked down. For a few seconds Gordi could see his face drop, clearly he was not happy with the question.
"Some trainees here don't care for it or think it's all fiction. I have a similar view. If you do believe in that stuff then you'll probably like the sermon, also you will have to go at least every two hearings, it's the rules. Get moving..." Gordi saluted and did as such.

The sermon didn't do much to sway how Gordi felt about such things he looked over to his brother. Azulin looked back and flipped him off. The speech was captivating at least. Pompom watched from the entrance, his eyes cutting through the priest.

"Hey Corporal! How is your babysitting job going?" Caricias laughed heartily "Hey, what happened to your ha-" "Fuck off." he walked away from the entrance saying nothing more.

Among the many bears whispering about the sermon Gordi stepped out, he walked towards Pompom who was leaning against the wall of his quarters "He's done? Thank god, or whoever..." he led Gordi inside and he sat down "Make us lunch, Private!" he saluted and again heated up the pot.

"So uh, Pompom..." he handed the food over "what do you think about God and the Holy Book? Even if you don't believe it you have to admit it's interesting." he wolfed his meal down in less than a minute, after he shook his head "Don't know. More of the soldiers seem to like it than hate it so it's up to you." Gordi pressed him "I asked: do you find it interesting?" he got up and cleaned his plate "Why do you wanna know? Yeah I think it's kind of interesting to know our history but all the stuff it says about the future...I don't know, we'll have to see."
"Oh, and for every minute that passes from now? Extra lap at the end of the day." Gordi started shoving the food down his throat like Pompom had done.

"Your posture is important, hold both ends of the spear and keep your legs apart, I'm going to take several swings, don't strike back until I tell you too, these aren't toys!" Gordi nodded and held the middle part out in front.

While he struggled at first Gordi soon got the handle of letting the weapon absorb the force of the blows, when Pompom asked him to strike he held the sharp end towards him "No, you are to do what I do: swing the blunt side below the blade and let it connect, do not try to directly hit me." he did as such and with his first swing he barely missed his head, knocking the beret off "Stop! Okay..." he walked over and picked it up, dusting it off.
"Aim lower." this time he connected, the vibration made his hands shake and he dropped it, Pompom quickly flipped it back and held the blade to his throat "If this was a real fight you'd be dead. Again!" he repeated the task of striking the spear. Each time his hands got more used to the feeling of steel hitting steel.

They would continue to swap roles and attacks, taking small breaks to catch their breaths and reposition themselves.
In a familiar haze the area around them started to kick up dust and they could feel the area grow cold, the sun was setting and other Sargents' called out to their units to rest for the day.


They watched them go into their barracks, lights turning on, many laughs and groans were shared among them.

Pompom looked at them, all of those young hearts getting ready for their future, whether it be filled with strife and hurt, or victory and life.
He could not help but turn away from his student and walk back, insides tightening again "Gordi? Let's call it a day..." they walked back and prepared dinner.

"After tonight we won't have anything for lunch tomorrow!" they began eating "More food will be supplied tomorrow, you don't have to worry about such things I do."
Gordi looked at him then out the window "So what was your time like, training?" "Some things are for me to know, Private." he leaned forward "Oh don't be like that! We are gonna be together for the next two months so wouldn't it be nice if we got to know each other more?" "Be together? I wanted none of this! You couldn't control yourself and beat someone to near death and now I have to babysit you!" he slammed his hands on the table "You're lucky I have as much patience as I do!" Gordi remained quiet for the rest of the dinner.

"Clean the dishes good then clean yourself. From now on you will also do certain things if I demand them from you. I say coffee? You make some, I say clean? You do it. I say laundry? You don't just wash your clothes but mine and our bed sheets." "Y-Yes sir!" he saluted and went to shower.

Pompom sorted through the papers and wrote down his performance, he looked back and thought it would be wise to bring in some scales for the weigh-ins, he made a note to request some tomorrow. When Gordi was done he washed himself of the sweat that had accumulated through the day. After drying himself off they repeated the events of last night before they rested.

'Today was interesting, he clearly has the capacity to fight with his hands, spears are another story. definitely needs more work. Behind that fat he seems to push through it and force quickness out of his arms, not so much for the legs. When the day was over I could not help but peer towards the other trainees.'

he stared at the page for a few seconds, then continued.

'Could I ever build up that kind of relationship with Private Gordi? That would be nice, to talk and laugh with someone again, those times have long since passed.'
The paper started to stain, he put the pen away and walked to Gordi's room, he sniffed and rubbed his eyes.

"Time for sleep, Gordi."
"oh! Right. Goodnight Pompom! Sleep tight!"
"Y-Yeah, you too."

Closing the door he sniffed again and headed to bed. The moment he laid his head down on the pillow he blacked out; the limited sleep of last night and the first bit of real physical activity within a while finally catching up.




"...This is Hell." the sound of rain surrounded them, the sky was pitch black and Pompom was being carried, carried to where he only hoped would be safe. They made their way to a small clearing that they quickly set up camp in, soon other troops followed suit.
Two small tents were set up and they quickly grouped inside, hoping to wait the rain and any dangers out.
Completely drenched he was set down on a sleeping bag, the nerves in his wound would not stop pulsing, it hurt so much.

"Hey" he felt cheek get slapped several times "Pompom? You gotta stay awake, keep your eyes open!" the sting of the metal passed through the bloodied skin entrance, another held him down as he started to struggle, string soon rubbed the hole, burning the nerves further.
"This was a disaster" the one who closed his wound shuffled back and brought out a ration pack "first we find the scouting group sent out, all dead. Then we find another, they too are dead, so we get sent to save them and take on any dangers that are out here, then we're next? Fuck that." he lit up a cigarette and handed some food to Pompom, it was a dry  slice of bread with jam hastily finger painted on.

They both downed their food and the other solider told them he'd give them more room and took his leave.

"This was all my fault, I insisted we go to prove ourselves." the freckled one was silenced by a sharp pain to the cheek "Shut up! The only one who should apologize is the General, come on two groups not coming back from what is a fucking field trip? Bastard knew how dangerous it was." for a moment he sat there doubting their leader, then spoke up "Maybe you're right. We'll still get to prove ourselves as Corporals though this, though."
"Priorities. You almost died back there...whatever" he tossed the cigarette out of the tent "we both need to rest up."

Soon blackness came to his vision, then it was bright; warmth travelled through the tent and with it he could feel the area around the wound, it stung but was nowhere near as bad as before.
Getting up he unzipped and checked the exterior, two other troops were making breakfast with the rations they had "Is it just us now? Did we lose our medic too?" one of them spoke up "No, he is out refilling our bottles. Come, there is plenty for us." he sat by them and only when he looked around and realized how small their Unit had become. He began to cry.

"Let it all out, Pompom. We are here for you." he took Pompom into his arms and held him tight, the other soldier joined in.

"Everyone! Look out!" their medic came running in, followed by a darkened steed; its horn violently shining with malice, it cleaved him in two and they ran in different directions.
Pompom could hear the screams of the other two and ran as far as his body would allow. The world soon turned to blackness again then back to light.

He was over a body, that of the Unicorn. Blood drenched it and himself, heart racing a million miles per hour; the beast had huge chunks of flesh missing, the knife broke so he clawed and smashed it against any rocks he could find.

Then the tears fell and with it the rain, crosses were sluggishly knocked into the earth. He stood there silently, using his imagination to think up a scenario where his friends would mourn him instead.

All he could do was remember the fallen and saluted his fellow troops, his friends one last time.

"Sargent? You succeed a simple retrieval mission then let your fellow men die...and expect that kind of promotion?" the Captain yelled, he shamefully looked to the ground.

"Quiet! Pompom did the best he could with what was given to him, who's job was it to outfit them again?" "W-Well clearly their Sargen-" "Don't make a fool of me!" the General screamed and got up "Pompom, you did a fine job. The loss of your men is indeed a tragedy, not just for the memories you-er we all have but because they were far more cut out than the others we have here." he looked out the window and groaned "Giving you a rank as high as that with such little information or success though... it's true that you recovered the maps the other fallen teams had drawn for us. I'll have to really think about it."

Pompom bowed his head "I'll do anything to prove myself! Anything!" the Captain looked over and grinned "We'll see about that. If you really want to become Sargent you'll have to prove yourself, until then, Corporal Pompom." he opened the door "C-Corporal?" "Yes, Corporal Pompom, does that sound good for now?" he saluted and took his leave.
Through the door he could hear some laughing, he only got the rank out of pity, not work. The layout of the dreaded Forest was better known, but what was actually gleamed from that?

Was it truly worth his friends lives?



Pompom was the first to wake up, he looked over to Gordi's room and then out the window. He sat at his desk and looked over last nights diary entry and crushed the paper in his hands.

He knocked on the door and Gordi soon woke, while eating breakfast Gordi tried to start a conversation but Pompom shut him down at every turn.

"Yesterday I was going to teach you about cartography, even though we have full maps of the Forest there are quite a few things we don't know still. For this lesson I was thinking of taking you out of the camp but I think it would be wise to first catch yourself up on some terminology and general survival tactics when you're out in the wild. Have you fished and hunted before" he nodded and explained how since he was a child he and Azulin were taught those things "Very good. Then you only really need to read about half of these." he handed him a pile of especially dusty guides and books, they had not been used in a while.

Pompom spent his part of the next few hours staring outside, getting lost in his thoughts and then looking back to a book he started reading after he damaged his knuckles.

When lunchtime came a knock was at their door, he answered it and a trainee who was being used as a delivery boy handed over bags of groceries "By the Generals request your food for the week is here." he saluted and Pompom saluted back "Thanks, soldier!" he closed the door and brought them to his fridge, he haphazardly placed the various fruits and vegetables inside and dug around for the weeks treats.

First there was a small pack of blueberries, bite sized little treats that added some sweetness to the end of meals, and the main course "Ah, finally!" he pulled out two bottles of wine, he instantly popped the top of one and downed half of it in one go, Gordi was shocked witnessing such a thing. He took notice of his student gawking at him "What? Lunch, now!" Gordi saluted and got to work "Don't make a pot like last time, it'll go off before the weeks end."

When Gordi set their lunch down the bottle was finished, Pompom had no appetite "Sorry but I j-just can't eat right now." he couldn't even sit straight "Don't eat mine! I'll have it later..." Gordi quietly ate his part of the meal.

He went back to study the many books that were given but quickly realized many of the instructions required them to be outdoors. Nervously he checked up on Pompom who had already downed the second bottle and was slurring to himself "Well did you learn anything?" he stumbled around the room "Y-Yes sir!" he sat down at the table "Good! ss-seee you can also...learn fromm booooks...keeeep going." he hiccuped and laid his head down on the table while sitting.

"Sir! Some of the information requires we go and map out a small area." he picked his head up "Nono, we have the whole place mapped out. Nothing is a secret. Nowhere is" he coughed and held still for a moment.

Gordi walked over and poured some water out "Here!" Pompom looked at the glass then back to Gordi, who was smiling "Nah, fuck you" he slapped the glass away "You thi-ink I neeeeed you? You're lucky I am even, even..." he pinned him against a wall "You ruined a job that I could just, just do here. Asshole. I sh-should be the one who..." his breath stank of alcohol and Gordi could not help but turn his head away. Pompom smacked him and put a hand around his throat "Don't you f-fucking look away from meeee...ungrateful..." he backed up and sat on his bed, grabbing his face "Fucks sake. Leave me alone a-already..." he struggled to properly climb on the bed and fell to the floor instead.

Gordi ran over and picked him up, he looked to Gordi and still upset and snatched his arm away "Get off me, fag!" there was that word again. Gordi let go and he tumbled to the ground, he started to say something but then coughed and burped continuously, soon he started gagging.

Pompom puked all over the floor and himself, he coughed and cursed both himself and Gordi, the acidity of the vomit leaving a vile taste made it so he could not help but gag further. More came streaming out. When he was done the floor and his coat were soaked in steaming vomit.

Gordi gagged at the stench then sighed realizing he'd have to clean it without assistance.

Now stinking of the same sick himself Gordi carried Pompom to the shower and placed the chair next to his desk at the shower door; he was barely conscious and falling in and out of sleep.
Gordi placed his hands on his coat and parted the area around his neck.

"Pompom, I'm going to take off your coat to clean you, okay?" he groaned and let out a weak "yeah"
At first Gordi unbuttoned and slipped off the jacket, it was no trouble. He set it aside on the washboard, the vest however...

"Oh..." it had been a while since another male in a state of undress had been around him, save for Azulin. While this was an important task he could not help but consider what he was doing: His hands would not stop shaking.

The hands started to slip it off, lifting it past his belly; though it was lukewarm inside the room his body heat seemed to emanate from the fur. Pompom let out a groan and smacked his hands away.
It was impossible, this was too personal a task for him. Gordi stopped and put the vest back over his belly. He carried him over to the sink in the kitchen and washed his mouth out and forced some water down his throat. He vomited again, this time down the sink.

After emptying his stomach some more Gordi fed him more water to stop dehydration. He led him to his bed and when they reached it Pompom gripped his shirt "Don't, don't leave me please...I need you..." Gordi did not know what to make of the situation but stayed, he rested Pompom's head on his legs and caressed his head.
Deliriously he looked around the room then back to Gordi. He looked down at the drunken superior, the stench of vomit was still present but he rested a hand under his head and massaged it. It had been a long time since he had to do something similar for his father.

"There, you'll feel better after some sleep! I'll be here just in case you get sick again." Pompom coughed and darted his eyes to the wall against his bed "Uh...what..." he did not know what to say or feel in that moment.
It was strange: to this point he had shown no real compassion or respect to his student and now he was being cared for. A few tears escaped him.

"Am I a failure?" Gordi quietly shushed him "I'm a complete fucking failure..." he rubbed his hand against his cheek "You're not a failure! You just had a...moment, it happens to all of us!" Pompom raised a hand to the same cheek he just slapped a few minutes ago and rubbed it "You don't know anything. You're too kind to me..." Gordi looked away "I am, aren't I?" Pompom brought his hand down "You truly are..."

"Sorry, you didn't deserve that. It's been hard, you know?"

Pompom imagine a scenario where he would apologize to Gordi, but could not bring himself to do so. Even in such a vulnerable state there was that faint glimmer of pride that he could not let go of.

"Gah..go...Gordi...let me go, let me go." he got up and lowered his head down "about...your training. Get to the church or something...run some laps or practice th-the spear or something..." he crawled to the pillow and closed his eyes, soon loud snoring followed.

Gordi sighed and ran a few laps around the camp for exercise, when some of the other troops asked as to what he was doing he told them Pompom had given him a punishment of 10 laps, they would just shake their heads or comment about how much of a hard-ass the Corporal was; before heading back he stopped by the largest building and knocked on the door, the Captain answered "Oh, it's you. Doing well, Private?" he saluted "Yes, sir! May I request some scales to check on my progress?" quickly he found and brought one out "Corporal Pompom should be doing this kind of thing himself, but at least you have the foresight for this kind of thing." Gordi saluted again and thanked him.

"Child I have heard many things about many people. Gossip has no place in truth unless it is one of celebration for our God, wouldn't you agree?" obstructing his path was the Priest who stood in front of Pompom's and now his temporary home "O-Of course!" he smiled and stepped out of the way.

"Though I must ask, son: are what certain individuals murmur about true? Have you a sight or feeling for one who shares your own features?" he was confused at first but got the hint "Oh, no! I have no such interest in things like that!" expecting him to just walk away instead the Priest placed a hand on his shoulder "Do not lie to yourself. If you are of that nature you still have a place. God turns His back on the gossipers, the sinful, the wrathful, the lustful and the indulgent. But most of all: the ones who would dare besmirch His name. I believe you...but if in any case you are what is being rumoured then so long as you don't indulge in sin you are always welcomed by followers of the Lord." he gave Gordi a hug "Remember, child: none of us are an enemy here, we must all work and stick together for God and our people depend on it." Gordi nodded and returned the hug.



Night had long since fallen and Gordi checked on his superior one last time. Pompom came around and got up, quickly rushing to the sink to down some water, dry coughing everywhere "Gordi? What time is it?" "Uh...bed time, sir..." he slapped himself on the face "Before you came along I would get drunk during Sundays, it was the only day we could take it easy, people in my rank and above I mean. Sorry you had to see that but..." he coughed and downed more water "I didn't expect to have to teach anyone anything, not at least until I was Sargent." he groaned and held his temple. "WHat day is it, by the way?"
"Thursday, sir!" he sighed "I just want this week to be over with already."

Pompom walked to his desk and saw Gordi had written down his weight and how much had been lost past the first few days "Good job. From now on though I'll do the reports."

"Of course! Well I should get some sleep myself." "Yeah...hey Gordi" he got up and walked over; dragging him into a hug "Uh, sorry about earlier, that was a bad showing from me." Gordi did not know what to make of this moment, he considered bringing up what he said earlier, in relation to who he was, but held his tongue for now. Gordi broke the hug and smiled "Goodnight, Pompom." he let go and Pompom started to make some food for himself "Heh, there won't be any sleep for tonight, but thank you. Goodnight."


'...No one should see me like that, it could compromise my future here. Memory grew hazy after the cheap wine. I remember Private' he erased the word "Private" 'Gordi helped me when I got sick. Still hazy, but my head was on his lap, he looked at me with genuine compassion and warmth. I really messed up. From tomorrow I will take this seriously and treat him like I should. I still don't like this, but he doesn't deserve to have his education and training hampered by my burden.'


Pompom closed his diary and put it back in the desk drawer, for the first time in a while he locked it with a key he had, not wanting Gordi or anyone to discover its contents.

Chapter 5

"Higher! Aim higher!" Pompom yelled to his corpulent student who was either shooting past the target or hitting the dirt "Just pull back a bit more!" more shots were missed.
Gordi sighed and kept firing, when all arrows were spent he'd quickly pick them up and try again, eventually Pompom walked over and snatched the bow from his hands "This is how it's done, watch closely!" He took a deep breath and focused, the string tightening he licked his lip and fired.

The arrow flew right over the target and a certain blue menace cackled.

"Nice shot!" Pompom clenched his fists yelled back "Let's see you hit it then!" he proudly pulled back the string and fired, it was a bullseye; for a moment he was shocked but soon started boasting and his fellow trainees gathered around and congratulated him, Pompom was furious and stomped away "Just keep hitting it then report back to me!" Gordi sighed and kept firing, he made a personal note to get a bullseye at least once.

Azulin looked at Gordi who kept firing and smirked, satisfied at the blow it dealt to him morally, or least that's what he believed.

Gordi took deep breaths and took his time to line up a shot. One after another they would never meet the actual target, but start penetrating the area around it.
He had no anxieties at this point: the pure repetition of the task gradually calmed him and the times that the target were hit helped push on the effort.

Since his teacher ran off Gordi could not think of a proper time to stop so after a while he counted the shots, going from 1 to 100; when he finished counting he decided it was enough and headed back. Azulin could not help but look over once more, curious as to how he could further sabotage his brothers chances of making it through.

Gordi entered their living space and he saw his superior just sitting down, looking over some papers "Ah, Pompom? Are you okay?"

"It's Corporal Pompom!" he shouted, Gordi was surprised at the outburst "C-Corporal Pompom! Is there something wrong?" he turned around and stared for a moment "No shit? I can't believe I missed it like that..." Gordi placed a hand on his shoulder but he pulled away "Look just, I don't know; make us lunch. I'll think about what we do next, alright?" he nodded.

"Pom-um, Corporal Pompom? I've been thinking...You didn't want to tell me before, but: what was your time like here?" he looked annoyed "Why do you want to know? It's not like we'll ever talk to each other again after all this..." he placed their meals down, still curious as to what his time was like.
Gordi thought of many ways to get his superior to open up more, all more elaborate but not as guaranteed as the last.

Training was as arduous as ever. Gordi was on his own this time and did his best to endure the heavy stress put on his body by the afternoon workout of taking on the obstacle course once more; this time without anyone to support him over the more difficult hurdles: due to this he made many mistakes and caused many small injuries along the way, with the worst coming when he tried to climb down from a tall poll; in what seemed like an instant his grip weakened and he fell down and landed on the side of his body, spraining a leg. Another Units Sargent rushed over and carried him over to a large tent that was set up to deal with those who were injured during training.


"Where is your partner?" a kindly medic wearing an apron with a huge love heart obscured by dried blood gave him some water "...He's at our living quarters." "Doing what?"
"I don't know, he yelled at me to take on the main course again and to report back in a few hours."

Pompom ran in when he heard the news "Thank god it's not worse, sorry Gordi, I was busy dealing with paperwork and I was going to come out later; I had no idea you actually tried to do it all alone!" Gordi frowned and looked away "Sorry..." the medic who treated Gordi pulled Pompom aside "Listen...he's gonna be out of commission for a few days, if you're lucky he can start again on Monday." he sighed and dragged Gordi from his seat, letting out several yelps as he walked along. The Sargent who carried him in admonished Pompom of his carelessness and threatened to report the incident, but relented as it was the first offence of its kind by him.

Pompom carried Gordi back my his arm over his shoulder and apologized along the way; he made them a small meal and gave Gordi a blueberry "What happened was my fault...but you can start with other subjects." he brought out a small pile of books about combat & surviving in the wilderness without as many tools as one would have in civilization.

While he was dreading it at first Gordi soon became entranced in a book about weaponry and the construction of such for hours on end, taking many notes and wondering if they would ever make their own.
"Gordi? I've brought you dinner." Pompom entered his room and handed over the meal "So you learn anything?" "Yeah...most of it is about making weapons though, will we ever do that?" "We should; it's an obligatory lesson for all troops to learn, well, would be troops." he thanked him and ate his meal as he kept writing down notes and different recipes for future reference.



"Azulin! Did you hear the news? They are sending us out!" he looked back and sighed "Like a training mission in the woods? Like we need to know how to fish and stuff..." Sonrisas grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around "No! I mean...we have a real mission! One for soldiers!" he look dumbfounded and pushed him back, many thoughts were racing through his head.

"No fucking way! Finally! Seems a bit soon but I'm not gonna pass that up!" Sonrisas did not share his enthusiasm though "This is definitely too soon, do we even know how to fight with anything beyond the bows? We haven't even touched gunpowder or anything..." Azulin smirked "So? With all of us and maybe one or two Unicorns? No problem!" everyone started gossiping about why they were being sent out so soon.

"I hope this hangs over you Gordi, I hope you die knowing I was the one to bring honour to our name!" he laughed to himself and the other gave him odd looks.



Gordi struggled to get on his feet but managed to take a few steps before quickly collapsing back onto the bed, now covered in papers discordantly placed about; Pompom heard him yelp and helped him lay back on it properly "I know this is not ideal but you must not put any pressure on your feet for at least the weekend." he sulked and handed him over his recordings from the book he had since exhausted "Here's everything I wrote down and learned..." Pompom looked them over, astonished he actually took the time to carefully write and draw what he deemed important "This is incredible work, Gordi!" he blushed and asked for another blueberry "Since you are out of commission I suppose it would be a good way to lift your spirits." he left and returned with said treat and went back to his desk, finishing up the paperwork for the weeks events in detail.

Once more when the day ended Pompom looked out his window and saw everyone going back to their barracks for the night, longing for someone to just talk to about their life or what they had planned for the future. But those times had long passed: his rank was above any of the trainees and becoming a Sargent seemed more like a distant dream by the day, was his time here even worth it?
Then he thought on how he had treated Gordi for the past week, it seemed like it all went by quickly yet nothing had been accomplished; what did Gordi even learn? How to map out a place that had been exhaustively recorded and examined in and out? Gordi had to look through some literature that wasn't even made by his superior to learn anything.

When it was night he could hear Gordi calling for dinner and realized he hadn't even began cooking, he ran to his room to tell him he'd forgotten to make it for either of them.
Gordi smiled and told him to take his time, Pompom quickly threw together the usual meal and made enough for both of them. Last minute he cut up some fruit as a dessert "I'm really sorry! I was busy with, uh, paperwork! It was about your progress and what you will be doing next week." Gordi hummed and began eating.
"I guess I'll have my half now!" Pompom was about to take his leave but Gordi called for him to stop "How about we eat together? We've done so every other day, well maybe not last night but...you know..."

Nervously Pompom brought in a small table for his bedside and set it down beside him "Even when you get better you'll probably need this, I requested it on the day you moved in here but it just came earlier." he set it down and Gordi placed his dinner on it. He sat down with his student trying not to make eye contact "So...w-what are your plans for when you've ended training?" Gordi went silent for a few seconds then answered honestly "I don't know."

Pompom now stopped eating and looked at him shocked "Huh? What do you mean you don't know? This is a huge step in your life! No one comes here and doesn't have plans for what they'll do after their time served here!" he looked at Pompom with sad eyes "My brother signed up for the both of us. Before we came here I was not like this." he gripped his love handles with his digits "To be honest I didn't want to come here but I was worried about my little brother; he always charges head first into things not thinking of the consequences, I was terrified of anything bad happening but now I've realized...I'm probably not cut out for this kind of thing. This is one of those times where I should have just let him do what he wanted to."

Pompom stayed quiet until he finished dinner "Then why do you stay? You get a bad reputation for leaving early for sure...but it's nothing that will stop you from working a normal career." he collected Gordis plate "You could use your injury as a good reason to leave, I can even vouch for you if you really wanted...but, well, can you give me a second?" he washed their plates and wondered how he could convince Gordi to stay.

Pompom was conflicted: either he could talk his student into leaving and go back to a simpler job that didn't require much thought or effort, or keep him around and try to get close.
For years now he sought to make a connection with someone that was on his level and yet; none of the others of his rank or above were willing to especially since they were either all busy, or were looking just to climb a rank and didn't care for friendship.

He walked back in and gave another blueberry, Gordi happily slurped it up and thanked the act of kindness "Don't take this the wrong way, it's your choice after all...but I'd like it if you stayed. It's nice to...have someone around." he blushed and looked away, not wanting to see how Gordi was feeling "Really? All week it seems like you didn't want me around; you said things were much easier without me."

"It's hard to explain but..." he shook his head "for now I can't do it. You...need to understand it's umm...sorry. Look: I'll tell you what it is when I'm ready, okay? Will you stay?" internally Pompom was planning to wait until the next batch of groceries, if he was going to confess such a thing he'd rather have some alcohol in his system. While he was still looking away Gordi gave him another sad look "I wasn't planning on leaving soon, I'm just thinking over my time here and if I should see it all through, as for staying...I'll think it over."

Pompom looked his way "That's good. I haven't been that great of a instructor, have I? From now on I promise to do better, for you and me." Gordi shrugged "It didn't really bother me. I figured the other Sargents were the same way and thought you were just following what they did." "Oh no: some of them are fantastic and get along greatly with their troops and while others do use tough love they know when to praise or push their students further. All I've been doing is chastising you and not much else, as for why I've been that way...I'll tell you another time, promise. Goodnight, Pri-um, Gordi!" Gordi let out a sugary laugh "Goodnight to you to Corp-ummmm, Pompom!" they both smiled at each other.

Pompom pulled out his diary and began writing down what happened that day. And that was all he wrote; when he tried to write down his thoughts or what he was feeling nothing came to mind; he put it away and climbed into bed, smiling at the thought of possibly getting close to someone for the first time in a while.

Gordi stared at the ceiling trying to think of someone or something as his paws led their way down to his nether-regions, tonight he was really acting up but couldn't think why; he looked towards the closed door and for a moment it crossed his mind.

Pompom.

Shame filled his mind and heart for a few moments, still gripping the erect member he began stroking it quickly not wanting to waste too much time that could be spent sleeping. It was hard not to be reminded of his features and how cute they were: those eyes, the freckles that dotted his cheeks and chest (and maybe more) when he slipped off his coat he didn't think it over but Pompom had quite a slim build, almost petite like his stature, then he began to imagine what he could've seen had he stripped more off...
Gordi gripped the bed with his free hand and released, he slowed down at the peak to not make too big a mess and let out a sharp sigh.

Gordi had a hard time looking at his superior the morning after; there was no way he could know what happened but still felt guilty "Everything alright?" he looked over, smiling "Y-Yeah just...a little tired still!" another cup of coffee was poured out "You'll have to be wide awake for today! If you can't train your body you can still train your mind."

"While you read through these I'm going to, uh, run some errands myself. I will be gone for an hour or so, okay?" Gordi hummed and soon absorbed himself in more text books and how-to guides, again writing and drawing what he deemed useful.

Taking small careful steps into the chapel he made sure not to make too much noise; though to his dismay the Priest was on the podium looking away from the entrance. "Father? Hello?" the Priest, who was busy practicing his recitals of the Holy Book turned his attention away "What is it? Soon I must get ready for the days sermon...oh, Pompom!" "It's Corporal Pompom" he corrected "Don't be like that. We already talked about the place honorifics has in this house, which is none." Pompom took in the sight of the church interior "Nothing has changed since I was last here..." he stared at the pew he used to sit at with his own Unit. The Priest closed his Book and walked past "Nothing changes, son, only we make it change. So, are you here to talk about the past again? I'm quite busy today."

"Why would I be? I just needed somewhere quiet to sit." The pew nearest squeaked when he sat on it, the sound getting the Priests attention "When it's time for the troops to come in you'll have to leave. Now that I think about it: where is Gordi?" "Private...no, he got injured in training yesterday and is resting, not to say he isn't learning anything." he tutted "You should be there helping him; you wanted that, didn't you? Someone who you could talk to again?" Pompom felt a deep anxiety build but slowed his breathing and took larger drags of air "It is exactly what I wanted. Sorry for pestering you all this time. I'm scared though: it will end one day and when it does I will have no...input on what happens of where he goes."

The Priest walked back and put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder "Value the time you have then...oh, I should inquire: Do you know of Gordi's...proclivities..." Pompom got up "Yes I am well aware, there is...it's fine, I don't have a reason to have a problem with it." "That's not what I'm getting at; we both know you are of the same nature, perhaps this would help in you two getting to know each other better." he scoffed "Oh come on! We aren't the same because of...that..." "You know what I mean. I hope your shame does not jeopardize your student, Pompom." he took his leave.

Pompom returned and got to making lunch not paying much mind of the talk he had; his plans to open up to Gordi were to be fulfilled when he got his hands on something that could cause mild disassociation: alcohol. Despite wanting to open up he always saw vulnerability as a sign of weakness or carelessness, even now years on he could not shake that mindset for it was something that was learned long before joining the army.

The day passed without much event or commotion, Pompom praised Gordi once more on his attentiveness and gave him a folder of the many things he recorded but made a note to start working closer from now on.

"Goodnight, Pompom!" he wished one back and closed the door, rushing to his desk and opened the diary.

'...my first week as an instructor and my student' he tore the page out and threw it into a trash-can nearby, deciding the accounts should be more personal than formal.

'...my first week as an instructor and Gordi has already received an injury that has hindered his movement for a few days. If we're lucky it will be over by the start of next week. Thoughts are becoming flooded again, need to calm myself with booze, have none. No solution than to talk with the father but he was busy. Brought up Gordi's likening for the same gender, we have nothing in common. But I should speak with him only when I have booze again. I'm very scared. Closeness is incredibly challenging. Wine here is fucking awful but it makes me feel like I'm in someone else's body acknowledging their flaws and secrets. Much easier to confess.'

He shoved the diary into the desk and locked it again, ashamed at what he had written, once more he climbed into bed and thought about the next few days, sweating all over.

Turning to the side he saw an hour had passed, just like a few nights ago he would not get any sleep.

Many dark thoughts entered his mind and looking down his knuckles were still repairing, not unusable but there was an unpleasant pulse when they needed to connect with something. "Not tonight." coffee was brewed and he opened a novel to drain time on.


"Well, I assume you've lost something, but we have more work to do." Gordi quickly leapt off the scales back to his bed, the pain was not as bad as before but it was very uncomfortable still.
"So..same as before?" Pompom shrugged "Not like you can do much else" Gordi looked at him sadly "by the way; tomorrow a group will be setting out for a mission in the Magic Forest, no idea what they are going for but it's customary to send them off. You will be joining even if I have to carry you out." he blushed at the statement "Do you know who is going?" Pompom shrugged again "NO clue, hope they do well at least. Oh and those things you were drawing down? We'll put them to the test sometime next week, after more physical work of course." he closed the door and occupied himself with more novels that were laying around.

Pompom made it a habit to stockpile any new literature they got then work through them in his spare time, some of the recruits would often be un-pleased with how often he would hog new books but soon learned to put up with his habits: After reading he would always put them back for camp circulation.

When night was beginning to fall there was a knock at their door, it was the Priest "I won't take too much time, just need to speak with Gordi." he rolled his eyes and let the Priest in, he returned to his books and downed more coffee.

In a hushed tone the Priest hunched over and brought his face close to the pudgy one's "So, has the Corporal been good to you?" for a moment he didn't know how to answer and answered with an unsure "Good!" All the Priest could do was take him at his word. "Actually um...what was it like here? For him?" Gordi motioned towards the door "Why would I know?" "You seem...I don't mean to be rude; old enough to have been around when he was here." he sighed and handed him a copy of the Holy Book "Private Pompom was an interesting character, much different from Corporal Pompom. I'm sorry but I promised to keep certain things a secret. You should ask him, if he won't tell you anything then it's just not the time...but I'll say this: If he seems cold or harsh please have patience. One day he will open up if you are kind for him and show that you care."

The Priest pat Gordi on the head and walked out "I will see you two another time, yes? Goodbye."
Pompom stared at the door, annoyed that he could hear everything that was said, but internally he knew it was only to help him.

"Hope you sleep well because tomorrow we will see that group go off and hopefully you can walk fine again." "O-Of course! Uh, goodnight!" he smiled "Yeah...goodnight..." Pompom collapsed into his own bed and soon let sleep take him.


It was a cold morning and both Pompom and Gordi were shivering, despite the pain in one foot he remained still to show respect. But what came next shocked him.

"Azulin!?!" he looked at Gordi and smirked "Oh, hello little brother! Guess you didn't make the cut, eh?" he laughed and some of the others joined in, Pompom was about to scream but stopped when he realized that several of his own rank and above gathered around them to send off the new soldiers.
"Is it normal for us to go out in a week of being here?" Gordi whispered "No...I'll tell you about it later." a Sargent nudged Pompom and shushed him.

The General came up to deliver a speech that went in one ear and out the other for Gordi, he could not believe that Azulin, his younger sibling was going out into the dangerous Forest already: was Azulin that good?

When the speech ended and they departed the soldiers stopped at a small village that would house the family members and friends of the troops a day before they left. Azulin approached his father and bragged that he performed so well that Gordi was left to train still. The boasting would pump him up further for the perilous journey that was ahead of them.


"You okay? We can go back and rest for a bit if you want..." Gordi walked back with his superior and just shook his head "I'm good, he doesn't need me for this. Can you go back to training me? I mean properly training me?" he led him to the field "How about the spears again?" Pompom smiled and did as such.
They sparred and fought for a while; the pain in Gordi's leg was still there but he ignored it, now wanting to spend yet another day in bed.
Though Gordi limped back he kept on a brave face for his superior as to not embarrass him. They returned and Pompom began making their lunch again, giving GOrdi a handful of blueberries.

"That wasn't too bad but your leg is still a hindrance, I suppose you'll want to take it easy this afternoon?" Gordi was entranced in the pile of treats before him "Huh? I-I uh...no I'm willing to keep going." Pompom sighed and began making their lunch "You sure? What happened earlier must have been a shock, yeah? No shame in taking it easy for the rest of the day."
Gordi downed the blueberries savagely, getting juice all over his face and coat, the Corporal tutted "So messy..." he wiped off the blueberry juice with his hand.

The corpulent trainee let out a small whine and licked it off his hand, running his tongue all over it, even the digits that had no blueberry residue on them.

"...Sorry..."
"That was...you know what? I'll choose to ignore that."

The rest of the day was as uneventful as the previous though Gordi kept thinking of his brother, not trying to show it when Pompom checked in on him.


Week 2.

Monday. 'Azulin, the brother of my student, Gordi, has departed from the camps only 1 week in. Suicide mission probably, kind of sad but some are just not cut out for things in the long run, no clue why they sent a Sargent though, very strange. Only troops go out for a mission, perhaps it's a legitimate assignment after all? Regardless Gordi is probably not taking it all that well but is putting on a brave face.'

He closed the dairy and headed for bed.

"When I get my hands on some booze..." he sighed happily and drifted to sleep

Gordi though could not even get close to sleep, thinking of where his little brother is and if he is okay.

There was no way to count the time so he closed his eyes and waited for some rest to come, but when he felt sleep about to grasp his consciousness he panicked and wondered if his brother was able to sleep.


Tuesday. 'The gravity of the situation has now made itself apparent in Gordi, but his leg is much better, hope he can get back outside tomorrow. I allowed him to nap through the morning due to lack of sleep. So close now, I can taste the foul wine.'

He sighed and closed the diary, the next few days were going to be interesting.


Wednesday. 'FInally we got back outside, I made him run 8 laps (he was supposed to do more) then we practised with the bow again. As usual he did poorly but was getting a little better, I naturally hit the bullseye several times over, still got it. Tomorrow is the day, maybe I should open up finally about myself, it could help him cope with the sudden departure of his brother. It will be tough but I can do it, I can tell him about my own experience here and why I seem to be so, as the Father would put it "cold" and "harsh" Asshole. Though I do think about the part where he said if Gordi was nice to me I would tell him more about myself. Anyone can be kind and caring but you need to really prove you are'

Pompom stopped writing for several minutes, thinking of what to continue or conclude with.

'more than a simple friend, otherwise you would show a piece of yourself to someone for no real reason, they need to be there for you for it to mean anything. I'm not looking for sympathy, just a pair of ears that won't take it like a simple conversation.'

He closed the diary and once more crawled into bed, rubbing his temples in stress.

"Not bad, you sure you haven't done this before?" Gordi shook his head "No, I just followed the instructions exactly as they were written." Gordi put together a makeshift crossbow, twisting strings and shaving wood, trying to give it basic form before function. Pompom stood back and observed, the table next to Gordi's bed had been moved to the end of the room and has several pieces of wood, metal, strings, bolts, arrows and gunpowder. He first protested in all of the materials being kept in the building as they took up room but Gordi soon convinced him to keep it in his room.

Before noon hit Gordi finally shaped the weapon, he started to run out but was stopped "No, you can't use it at the range, if something goes wrong someone might get hurt, let me set one up." It took much longer than he wanted but Pompom set up a sack of sand tied to a board as a target, the groceries were delivered but he quickly stuffed them away, kissing the bottles of booze and running back out.

The home-made crossbow fired one shot and it went right through the target and wall, splashing wood and sand all over the room and wall of the exterior "It works at least." Pompom led Gordi back in "Let's clean this mess and eat, yeah?" Gordi nodded and they got to work.

The afternoon was filled with the same kind of experimentation, the target now facing away from the building, after a few more shots the bow exploded into a mess of splinters and metal; neither received injuries but were demoralized by it only lasting a few more shots. Both agreed to return and work on a melee weapon, taking up rest of the day.

Dinner was served and along with a blueberry each a glass of wine was handed, Gordi refused it and Pompom shrugged, downing both glasses at once. "Let's talk about ourselves and...stuff..." Gordi poured out some water for himself and looked down to his food "Um, you already know quite a bit about me, but sure!" Gordi went over the time before Azulin signed them up and how their life was mostly calm, in and out of odd jobs and such.

Pompom, after downing most of the first bottle sighed and asked the question "So when did you...you know...find out that you were...gay?" Gordi blushed and looked away "It's not like I suddenly became attracted to anyone, if anything it was...okay, so: A long time ago I had a good friend and, one day he took me aside and...well a girl saw us kissing and...and spread rumours. I didn't have the same feelings though and...I dunno...since then I guess it just made me a bit more receptive to affection from...someone who is like me. But I've never actually been with anyone before..." Pompom could feel butterflies in his stomach, he expected him to not answer and just say "another time" not to actually address it.
 
"So, what was your time here like?" Pompom got up and cleaned their plates "I'm tired, Gordi. We will continue this another time, yes?" Gordi sighed "You haven't even touched your food, is it that bad?" Pompom shook his head "No, no. It was...it was wonderful; when I first came here it was..." he went silent for a minute, Gordi walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder, Pompom turned around and hugged him "This is really difficult for me...can you, just give me more time? I trust you. Just let me think some more things over, alright?" Gordi nodded and returned the hug.

Gordi wished him a goodnight and headed to his room, Pompom looked at the wine left; he thought of heading to bed as well but looked to the other bottle and decided to just finish it all now. "Better to get rid of temptation now." he laughed to himself, taking a huge swig.

Pompom took one more huge gulp and crawled into bed, hoping to pass out the moment he hit the bottom of the bottle.

Chapter 6

"...hehe...y-you won't...me...now...up..."

A foul stench travelled across the dark room, it was almost pitch black except for an obscured figure that moved erratically.

Gordi reached down from his bed and turned on a lamp, in front of him was the Corporal, in a vest and shorts: very drunk and was holding an almost empty bottle of wine.
"What are you doing?" he laughed and held Gordi's fat neck "Come ooooon I am your...your...boss, do as I say!" he shoved the bottle of wine into his mouth and laughed as his inferior gagged and coughed, sputtering the wine all over them.

"Oh no! Now we are both...dirty! Lo-Looooks like you'll need to dress down too!" he laughed tearing Gordi's own vest off and pulled his trouser pants down "Heh, isn't that much nicer?" Pompom stripped himself of his own vest and climbed on the bed tossing the now empty bottle aside.

Gordi panicked and tried to push him off, Pompom held his arms down with no effort and laid his body on top.
"Much better, yeah? This way we can be closer..." he let go of his arms and felt around his body; groping the still apparent love handles and chest, laughing as they jiggled and squished beneath his grip; he slapped them around playfully and laughed more.
"You got...got...uh, gotta lose this...but it's kind of funny to just..." he played with it some more, laughing more as his hands ran up and down his body, Gordi just laid there, frozen, not wanting to move in case his childish superior noticed he was just a little excited...

"Ah hah! I'm done now...I'm-" he gagged and coughed harshly "...nearly lost it again, don't worry." he shifted down to Gordi's side and wrapped his arms around him, feeling his body all over "You're so soft..." "T-Thank you?" Pompom laughed again and brought their cheeks together "Please stay...like this..." his paws greedily reached further along Gordi's form and he soon climbed back on, cuddling him.

"Um...Pompom? Can you please...get off me?" he looked offended but soon moved aside "Is it...you know, is it that you're, uh..." he stumbled off the bed but fell back onto it, he kicked his way up back next to Gordi and hugged him again, pulling their bodies together.
After a few more minutes of bumbling he soon went quiet and passed out, but not before rudely vomiting all over Gordi, himself and the bed, he shoved him off and got up, shouting at Pompom who wouldn't wake up.

When the unconscious Corporal was dragged to the shower Gordi quickly stripped both of the last piece of fabric covering their nether-regions and turned the water on; when it was starting to steam he first washed himself of sick and wine that started to mat his fur quickly, feeling himself get sick at the thought of it being on his person.
Then came the sleeping perpetrator; Gordi sighed and carried him into the shower, he could only clean him off while on the outside of it, leaning in to scrub the puke off, the smell really getting to him at times.

Gordi took special care to not look at his privates or touch around them too much; closing his eyes when he had to bend down to the Corporal's legs: shutting his eyes and opening them when he was sure he was above crotch level. Now that both of them were clean and relatively nicer smelling he carried Pompom back to his bed and laid him down, slipping on a new bear of underpants, again trying not to look at the off limits area, he did cup his firm butt to snap the garment back on, blushing at the feeling.

Gordi headed back to bed and saw the thick food and booze on his bed, he cursed loudly and went back to Pompom's bed. Shoving the sleeping Corporal aside he pushed him against the wall by his bed until his back was against Pompom's front side.
When the thought of sleeping entered his mind he realized how intimate their position was and turned back around, their faces once more connected, this time nose to nose; he blushed again and moved the superior down so his face was nuzzling against his neck.

Despite wanting to catch more sleep, something else came to mind, and body, he turned on the lamp on his desk.

Gordi scooted back, just on the edge of the bed and had a dirty thought: he pulled back his own undies and then Pompom's, taking in the sight of his member "Smaller than I thought..." Gordi laughed to himself and soon started to touch his own, looking over the sleeping bear he focused on his body and genitals, thinking of what he could be doing if he was more sober and more willing.

Letting out numerous squeaks and gasps he cupped Pompom's member at times, just feeling him in his paw was enough to drive him over the edge; soon he released and hugged his superior, now feeling the exhaustion catch up.


"...Huh?" Pompom woke up to a terrible taste in his mouth and a dry throat, usually he would run straight to the sink for some water after a night of drinking but was blocked by a pink blob with its arm around his person and...

"Gordi? Why is your...oh god..." he shoved his arm off and climbed over the resting bear who was snoring loudly and downed some much needed water.

Many thoughts rushed through his head and quickly dressed himself; running to Gordi's room he saw the vomit, the stench even worse than before "Oh no." He brought the washing board over and began cleaning them, noticing their clothes from the night before, he took small breaks to not lose the water in his system.

When he was finally done cleaning the fabrics Gordi awoke and got up immediately, seemingly worried "Good...morning..." they could not help but stare at each other for a minute until Pompom broke it "Sorry about last night, I'm not good with that stuff. Did we...you know, do something together?" Gordi shook his head "No! You just vomited everywhere and our clothes got dirty so, you know...it was really late and I was tired." Pompom was still curious "Are you sure we didn't do anything? I need you to be honest." Gordi didn't need to tell him what he did, and it's not like he could know, though he felt guilt for even thinking such a thing "We didn't do anything, Pompom! I just carried you to bed and laid next to you."

"Okay, I trust you...guess I'll...make us something." Despite Gordi's promise he sort of wanted something to happen but realized he could remember nothing of the previous night, not even when he began drinking. It had been so long since that kind of contact was made.

Was this the time?

Not yet.


Friday. 'Normal start as usual, nothing out of the ordinary. Gordi did a little better on laps and then some melee training. Afternoon was when he made another crossbow from scratch but it went much better this time, though it did break when he put it down.' "What are you writing?" Pompom gasped and closed the diary "Nothing that you need to know!" Gordi giggled "Oh? I saw my name in there! Come on let me see!" he grabbed the dairy and took a peek, running away as he quickly read what he could.

"Huh, I thought this would be about your time here but a lot of this is about me." he stopped and handed it back "Is there a reason you write about me so much? Shouldn't that stuff be for reports?" he blushed "You...n-no this is...Shut up!" he shoved the diary into the desk and locked it "Make your own dinner, Private! I need to...take care of some business!" he ran out of the house as Gordi called out.

Pompom ran until he was back at the outhouses he had mutilated his knuckles on a week before and sat inside one, hoping to wait it out until Gordi fell asleep, crying to himself.

Though he felt bad about it Pompom had dropped the key as he ran out, so even though it wasn't a respectful thing to do Gordi opened it and sat down at the desk, making some dinner before hand.


'...I could feel us getting close, it's such a strange thing. I know no one would approve of this but I don't care. No one can stop me from feeling this way, when I'm ready I'll leave home and make a name for myself, with him included.'

'...Unbeknownst to everyone we have plans to sneak out after our scheduled bedtime comes, a booze raid sounds fun, I wonder what will happen next. Hope it's something scandalous.'
'That was incredible, I didn't think it would be as great when drunk, had to take it this time since I couldn't get it up with some booze in me.'

Gordi closed the diary at that point, very aroused at the idea of him in such a position.

Pompom returned when everything was dark and quiet, thinking Gordi went to sleep; when he opened the door Gordi was there sitting at his desk, he smiled and motioned him to take a seat.

"Why are you still up? Shouldn't you be sleeping for tomorrow..." he sat down and Gordi hugged him "It's okay, you can talk to me!" "A-About what?" he sighed "You ran off when I read a little bit of your dairy, clearly there is something wrong, why not tell me already?"

Pompom didn't like where this was going but knew he would not let it go "If I tell you...you won't see me the same way." Gordi smiled and started to make him dinner "You must be starving, why not tell me while you eat, yeah?" he held his head in his hands, feeling dread about recounting his many experiences at the camp when he was a Private.

"I left home when I was at the age to join up: I had many problems back home with my folks about something that you might be familiar with..."



"Well? Are you gonna say anything?" Another bad look came from the same blue bear who promised to love and accept him no matter what, it was strange: for what was just one moment of affection towards someone of the same sex lead into a very long argument that didn't even feel like one, it just felt like someone was angry for no reason.

"There is nothing to say-" Another slap came to the freckled bears cheek, he could feel tears welling but held back "...I mean it, there is nothing to-" one more smack, face was aching something fierce.
"You have a lot to say, speak." Pompom shook his head "What you saw? That's it, I don't have to say anything more. It speaks for itself really." A woman who had both their eyes but fur of a dark orange stepped through "Calm down, honey, it's just a phase-" "Or a sign of his future as a sinner! Even as a joke I would still think someone of that...it's not even nature is it? It's something more...insidious..."
"Oh come on! We just held hands! Do you really think we are, I don't know, "together" because of that? We're just good friends." Once more the father looked at him with hate "We never did that when we were young! We would ogle girls and trade cool toys and...you know..." "Dad those are what younger boys do, I'll be old enough to drink soon." "Don't talk back to me!" he swung once more "Go to your room!"

Pompom turned around and let a few tears escape before running to his room and jumping straight to bed: For what seemed like hours he just laid there, thinking over his life and where it would go, all he could was look at the insignia of the Holy Book and wonder if there was a place for him somewhere in the world, outside of home.

Though his stomach cried out for that night he skipped out on dinner and stayed in his room for the rest of the day, listening to whatever came on the radio his father got for rainy days. When he could hear them snoring he scooped up some rope hidden under the bed and tied it to the end of his bed, leaving a long piece for the same hand-holder to climb up and after a few more minutes they did so.

"Told you they sleep like a log!" the other bear put a finger over his mouth "Quiet. I've waited so long for this..." soon his hands guided themselves down Pompom's body and they undressed, both of them hastily kissing and groping each other all over, no spot was spared from lustful licking and kissing; even parts they would be more wary of doing such things to.

...

"I can't believe we're really doing this..." The one who he spent a night of passion with was now, several weeks later and one year older, now ready to start a new life as recruits, hoping to prove themselves to the world.
"So what did you say before you left?" "I told them I loved them but that I was not going to spend my life with someone I didn't even know." the other bear hugged him "You're really gonna throw it all away? They had a job and everything ready..." Pompom kissed him on the cheek and lead him to their barracks "I was going to tell them sooner but I knew they would actively stop me, when we're done here we can finally get our own place. And having a recommendation for serving would definitely help with that!" they laughed and soon took to training with ease.

In a short time the platoon Pompom was in exceeded in every task and training routine with ease and were first selected for scouting and mapping missions; filling in blanks in what life and land had not been put to pen: After more small time missions they tasked with rescuing a party who were sent on the same kind of beginner mission Pompom's own Unit was given.

...
Pompom stopped for a moment and revealed he had a bottle of spirits he had hidden under the sink amongst the cleaning products.
"This is where we get into why I'm still here..."
...

It all started off easy enough, no Unicorns or anything in the way save for some rain; but when they came upon the other Unit that was sent out all they saw were their mangled remains.
They all agreed to snatch their equipment and findings and rush back, but that is when a Unicorn ambushed them and instantly stabbed one of them and tossed them aside. It went on to kill most of them: including the one he loved so much. Despite their best efforts they couldn't even land a hit before they had to escape.

Pompom suffered a slice across his belly and collapsed, while distracted one of them fired a shot into its side and it charged towards the assailant, lowering their numbers by one more.

"This was a complete fucking disaster!" Pompom winced as the wind and rain burrowed their way into the wound; sharp, pulsating pain making it hard to breath and more blood pooling out. The troop bridal carrying him yelled at them to throw all of their grenades and they did as such, the Unicorn was scared by the loud noise and smoke and ran off.
"Now what?" Pompom coughed "We set up camp, far away from here." "No! Let's head back." the one carrying him looked to the others "And where do we go?" The others shrugged or were too shaken up to answer.

"Camping it is then..." they set off further into the Forest, not knowing if they were closer or further from leaving.

The rest of the journey was recounted as he dreamed it, events precise enough to be retold reliably not time had made some details vague.

The morning after the sudden promotion was filled with some excitement but mainly doubt, when he arrived at his own personal living quarters it was in a sorry state and he knew he would have to fix it up; at least they left a celebratory champagne bottle which he quickly stuffed away. Now that he had a position that would warrant some respect he deemed it wise to head back home and show off his new title and badge, along with the uniform that was handed.

Pompom ratted on the door of his old home, for as much time had passed it still looked the same.
The door opened quickly and the one who answered had a look of not pride, or love, but something else.

"...Why are you back?" his father once more swung at him, he took the slap but did not turn his head or flinch "You didn't miss me?" "Why would I miss some faggot?" he sneered and slammed the door in his face.
Pompom remained strong and climbed in through his bedroom window, not needing a rope due to training his body through intense training routines that took up half of his days back at boot camp.

He rushed down the stairs and both his parents screamed along with some old friends who were sitting, holding their own children and had Holy Book's strewn about the table.

"We heard of your arrival, one of the people there called us...we were just having our weekly readings..." "Really? When did that start?" This time his mother got up and slapped him "When you abandoned us! You could have been killed! And from what I'm seeing that other boy isn't with you. Did he leave you for another man? That's what those kind of people are all like!" Pompom showed no emotion despite hurting deeply at the loss of the friends he made, along with the one he loved.

"Dead. We went into the Magic Forest to bring back others who were also killed. I killed the Unicorn who murdered them but lost the rest of my Unit." They showed no sympathy and instead lead him to a woman he had never met before "Remember those plans we made? To have you marry when you turned 18 and start the life we had planned for you? One of comfort and community? On the day you left we told her you would finally agree to meet up and, I don't know, get to know her." Pompom shook his head "I didn't want that, you were always there trying to guide me into something I didn't care for or want. I'm not sorry either: both of you had no interest in what I wanted in life. Joining up was the only escape I had that wouldn't leave me without a home."

"There is still a chance! She is still pure and can have children!" Pompom looked her over and once more refused "I only loved one person and he's dead, I don't think I could have those feelings for anyone else again. Clearly I'm not wanted here." He turned around and left through the front door, none one called for him but he could hear them laugh and mock him as he left.

When he got back to camp and told the higher ups he would like to continue his work on the same day he would leave for a month they all set him up with some furniture and plumbing.
For the first time in months he opened the diary: he already cried for his friends and lover, now all he could do was put those thoughts and feelings to paper.



"After that day I started living here, working my way up some more, then one day, doing the usual paperwork I had been doing for a few weeks you came along and changed it all. It's been a few years since those days. I've been stuck as Corporal for a while as it's more of a pity role than anything. I'm not ignorant to that fact it's just...I feel more at home here than there, or I did: I've had no one really on my level to talk to or hang out with for a while, I like the others in my rank but I dunno...that chemistry is just...missing."

Gordi hugged him and he downed more alcohol and hugged back "I'm a mess right now, let me just finish this and, I don't know, rest."

"But would you like that though?" "...What?"

Gordi couldn't look at him "Would you like to be desirable to me?" Pompom gulped "How much of it did you read?" "Enough..." he held Gordi's head in his hand and forced them to make eye contact "I would. But would you like to be desirable to me?" Gordi blushed and tried to look away again "Y-Yes~" he brought their lips together "Good."

What followed was a night of passion and built up lust, they could not stop as they did anything and everything together letting weeks of frustration pour out.


They both woke up when it was high noon; they both cleaned and dressed themselves and agreed to keep things going as they were before, training did not need to br compromised just because they had grown close.

Over the next few days training would continue as normal and each day would end with a soon normal lovemaking session and eventually Pompom stopped recording events in his diary altogether, instead choosing to comfort himself with Gordi: his new lover.


"Do you think he's okay? My brother I mean, Azulin?" The General looked at them and shrugged "I cannot say, but it's been a while now since they left. You've made some remarkable progress over the last two months but due to not working with a platoon I don't think you could make it out there, not unless you had some company. I'm sorry." Pompom lead Gordi out and he held on as they went back to their living quarters one last time.

"It's a shame he couldn't see us like this, but right now I can only think of us." Pompom kissed Gordi on the cheek and they carried out their belongings "I know, Azulin is probably out there, somewhere..." they both left the camp to start a new life, somewhere far away from where they both came from and went to.