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16:21:34.339921+00", "create_datetime_usertime": "01 Feb 2026 17:21 CET" } ], "pools": [ { "pool_id": "105112", "name": "Guys Night Out", "description": "The time of year has finally arrived, mating season! A chastity spell, put in place to keep order, decency, and the public away from being consumed by urges, will be removed for 1 week.", "count": "1" } ], "description": "Support us via patreon or subscribestar everyone: https://www.patreon.com/Hooves_and_Alfons https://subscribestar.adult/hooves-and-alfons\n\nThe time of year has finally arrived for the citizens of Ponyville, the time of mating! A chastity spell, put in place to keep order, decency, and the general public away from being consumed by their primal ancestors' urges, will be removed for one week. In the midst of this year's festivities, we find Tender Taps and Button Mash. Their year has finally come of age, the lucky 18, but they see nothing but impossible odds before them as no mare wishes to be their mate. And then there’s Rumble, the upcoming Wonderbolt who’s surrounded daily by tons of mares. ", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Support us via patreon or subscribestar everyone: https://www.patreon.com/Hooves_and_Alfons https://subscribestar.adult/hooves-and-alfons

The time of year has finally arrived for the citizens of Ponyville, the time of mating! A chastity spell, put in place to keep order, decency, and the general public away from being consumed by their primal ancestors' urges, will be removed for one week. In the midst of this year's festivities, we find Tender Taps and Button Mash. Their year has finally come of age, the lucky 18, but they see nothing but impossible odds before them as no mare wishes to be their mate. And then there’s Rumble, the upcoming Wonderbolt who’s surrounded daily by tons of mares. ", "writing": "School had ended early with Cheerilee calling off all homework, the middle-aged mare giving her now adult students a head start on mating season preparations. The official day for them to legally mate under Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's rule was on Monday, meaning they all had the entire weekend to prepare themselves.\n\n\nThe class had quickly scattered, with Button Mash and Tender Taps rushing off to get a good hay burger or two before the rest of Ponyville went on lunch break. Now with food in their bellies, the two relaxed at a store near Sugarcube Corner before Rumble passed them.\n\n\n\"Just look at him, surrounded by eager mares,\" Tender Taps sighed, sounding exhausted.\n\n\n“Button, are you even listening to me?” Tender Taps nudged the distracted gamer in the side, the goofball finally finding time to look up from the game he’d been trying to fully complete. \n\n\n\"What? Oh right, Rumble is a playcolt and blah blah blah,\" Button trailed off, not really that interested in listening to Tender’s yapping. Button’s buddy had lost his marefriend, Apple Bloom, just weeks prior, and the dancer had been angry and petty ever since.\n\n\nThe apple pony had unknowingly branded the tap dance performer as an undesirable sire for the upcoming mating season, resulting in not even a single breeding-ready mare looking at him seductively. Subsequently this predicament greatly troubled Button's pent-up friend.\n\n\n“Why are you so uninterested? Didn’t Sweetie Belle break up with you for the same reasons as my perfect breeding partner did to me?!” an annoyed Tender Taps responded, his hoof tapping against the green grass beneath his hoof. \n\n\nSpring had arrived, and the weather was perfect for walks through Ponyville's beautiful landscape, for dates in and around the town, and of course for courting mares.\n\n\n“Distance... She didn’t break up with me. She just didn’t want me to be the sire of her foals.” The statement had a tinge of sadness to it, the brown earth pony still remembering her prideful voice and the words she used to label him... inadequate.\n\n\n“Distance my rump, be happy she's a unicorn. Her words don't affect Pegasus or earth pony mare opinions, as everypony knows how high unicorn standards are,” Tender Taps reminded his BFF, his own situation ten times worse than Button probably could imagine. \n\n\nTo be called unworthy by a common farmer mare from the Apple Family was another level of humiliation he couldn’t wash off, not when he’d truly thought her the best broodmare around. \n\n\n‘Those strong and muscular thighs are destined to be suited for more than just bucking apples, and I was destined to find that new purpose for them!’ Tender thought to himself. \n\n\n“I like high standards,” Button grumbled, before returning to his game. “They're better than having no standards at all,” he noted as if trying to sound like Sweetie Belle. \n\n\n“Right,” Tender rolled his eyes. Why couldn't his friend just get mad like he was? Maybe if he kept poking him…That’s it! “Maybe you should lower them instead?” That caused enough of a reaction from Button to make him look up from his game again.\n\n\n“I'm saying that you're having higher standards than her,” Tender explained. “Technically.”\n\n\n“Technically?” Button deadpanned.\n\n\n“Yes, if she's with you, she's clearly having terrible standards.”\n\n\n“Buck off.”\n\n\n“No, I'm serious,” Tender said, moving closer to his friend and putting a hoof between his face and the game he was trying to return to. “I mean it,” he repeated as Button glared at him. “Think about it. Your standards are too high.”\n\n\n“Too high?” Now Button finally looked a bit intrigued rather than annoyed. He also couldn't look anywhere else as the screen was blocked, so that helped. “What do you mean?”\n\n\n“Well, your standard is Sweetie Belle, right?”\n\n\n“Yeah, so?”\n\n\n“So,” Tender began, “The only mare you want just so happens to be the prettiest mare in class, all years running, she's got a sister who's world famous and got her a job up in Canterlot and is probably going to be a star singer herself.”\n\n\nButton nodded along, then furrowed his brow. “Wait, wasn't Diamond Tiara the cutest mare in class all years running… or at least for some of the years?”\n\n\nTender couldn't help but let out a snort. “Only Diamond Tiara thinks that, but it's besides the point. Sweetie Belle is all that, and a unicorn, and on top of all that she’s also schmoozing around with the wealthy elite.”\n\n\n“She is,” Button agreed, getting a dreamy look on his face as he imagined his mare going about making herself known, that bossy look of hers so hot and cute at the same time.\n\n\nTender sighed, but drove the point home, hoping it'd land. “So, doesn't it sound like you'd have to have really high standards to even try to mate with her?”\n\n\nButton mulled this over. “When you put it like that, yeah, I guess my standards are ambitious, but that's what makes Sweetie Belle worth waiting for.”\n\n\n“And how many mating seasons has she made you wait, since she became fertile?” Tender sneered. It wasn’t a fair metric to judge any pony by, most mares waited for this season to have foals, the one in which they graduated and entered the job market.\n\n\nMost ponies still went about bucking for fun far before this season, as adulthood and entering the job market weren’t perfectly aligned ‘Stupid Celestia, wanting us to be more mature than we need to be,’ he thought, internally rolling his eyes at the strict rules put in place.\n\n\n“Four,” Button looked down at his hooves, for once not looking at the game held in them. “But she said she might be open to it next season, or the season after that, maybe…” he drifted off, shoulders hunching even further. \n\n\n“Exactly, so since she isn't giving you any, why not lower your standards a bit until she does. For Celestia's sake Button, your balls must be bluer than Princess Luna's coat by this point.”\n\n\nThis caused Button to blush in embarrassment, but he nodded. “It's been quite a wait, yeah.”\n\n\n“Exactly,” Tender repeated, reeling his friend in and gesturing over to all the mares clustered around Rumble. “So why not take the pressure off this season? See a few other mares on the side. Have some fun for once.”\n\n\n“But what about… Sweetie Belle?”\n\n\nOf course, that was Button's first concern, but Tender had an answer for that. “She doesn't have to know. She's all the way off in Canterlot after all.”\n\n\n“I guess…”\n\n\nTender smiled to himself. While Button's words were dismissive, he noticed the hungry look the brown colt was giving mares now. Clearly, he wasn't as loyal of a coltfriend as he liked to pretend. A good thing too, as Tender was pretty sure Sweetie was cheating on him already anyway, even if Button refused to accept it, so it was only fair for him to play around too.\n\n\n“That's right.” Tender put a hoof around his friend's shoulders and waved over to the flock of mares. “This season, we're both going to get laid!”\n\n\n*****\n\n\n\"Stupid mares, just who do they think I am,\" Tender grumbled, the frustration evident in his voice as it mingled with the evening breeze. His Friday had gone from hopeful to disastrous faster than he could fully process. \n\n\nAfter splitting up with Button Mash earlier to chase tail, he had dedicated four long hours on trying to get at the bare minimum one mare to accept him as their sire stallion or just buck buddy for the season; It was a task he had underestimated.\n\n\nIt’d indeed started promisingly, with Dinky Doo not only acknowledging his advances but also agreeing to them. They’d gone as far as planning a dinner and a date for the following week, a good chance for him to be able to sire a foal on her without too much effort if she was as naive and easy going as her dam was told to be. \n\n\nThe talk had made his heart swell with a mixture of triumph and much anticipation. However, the cruel twist of fate in the form of Scootaloo's untimely intervention had crumbled Tender’s hopes like a poorly built castle in the sand. \n\n\nShe had, with a few choice words about his recent breakup with Apple Bloom, broken the budding interest Dinky had shown him faster than Rainbow Dash could probably fly. In the aftermath of his search, Tender had found peace on a small hill overlooking Ponyville. The town lay spread out before his tired purple eyes, its dirt streets now just pathways woven through his thoughts, his eyes imagining them trails to futures filled with bucking. \n\n\nHe observed the ponies below, moving about their evening routines, all oblivious to the turmoil within him as the many pairs of ponies seemed to start off a relaxing weekend. The hill provided a physical distance, a vantage point that felt both comforting and isolating.\n\n\nThe grass beneath him was dry, a testament to days of sunshine. Yet despite the warm and dry grass below, the air carried a nip of coldness, a stark reminder that April had just begun. \nIt was a season of renewal, a time when Equestria shook off the remnants of cold winter and embraced the beginnings of life. Yet, for Tender, it seemed a cruel irony; while the world of Equestria burst with new life, his foal batter down below had seemingly been rejected.\n\n\nNot even sweat, emanating musk, and a dripping sheath had been enough to attract a single mare. Noi and Bloo had given him a moment of their time, but not much had come of it since they'd both trotted off when Pipsqueak had passed by. Worst of all, Tornado Bolt had straight up taken into the sky upon their eyes meeting. \n\n\n\"Apple Bloom, why did you curse me?\"\n\n\nTaken out of his overthinking, Tender Taps caught the sound of approaching hoofsteps—and not the light kind that mares had. \"Took you long enough, buddy.\" He lifted his head, spotting the brown pony slowly walking towards him, with the town of Ponyville at his back.\n\n\n“Sorry.” Button was walking with his head low and his tail tucked. Clearly he'd had about as much luck as himself, Tender reasoned.\n\n\n“I was talking with Babs and kinda forgot the time.” \n\n\n‘Or maybe not!’ Tender perked up at his friend's success, even if he felt a stab of jealousy.\n\n\n“No problem bro, I would've done the same thing.” Tender gave Button a punch to the shoulder, mostly to congratulate him.\n\n\n“You would have?” Button gave Tender a quizzical look as he rubbed his shoulder. “Since when do you like actually talking with mares?”\n\n\n“I do, when I think it'll help me get under their tails.” He held out a hoof for Button to bump.\n\n\n“You might have a bit more luck with them if you took the time to listen to them.” Despite the grumbling sound of disapproval in his voice, Button didn't leave his bro hanging.\n\n\n“Listen! Is that all you did?” Tender sneered as their hooves bumped together. “You mean you weren't just approaching Babs to get under her tail then?”\n\n\n“I was at first,” Button blushed, “but then I found out she has a coltfriend.”\n\n\n“So what? You've got a marefriend, kind of” Tender waved dismissively. \n\n\n“If one of you is looking for some side action, it's alright if the other is too. In fact, it's probably better, then you don't have to stick around together afterwards.”\n\n\nButton Mash gave a sigh, and then a bit of a glare. “It's not the same. She's happy with Featherweight, and I'm…” he took a deep breath, admitting again what he'd already told Babs, and what Tender figured out long ago, “I'm not happy with Sweetie Belle.”\n\n\nTender bit back the comment that danced across his tongue. ‘No shit bro! The bitch neither puts out nor respects you as a pony.’ No, he liked Button, and his friend had been in denial so long the truth had to be painful. Instead he did something he rarely did, he wrapped a hoof around his friend's shoulders and spoke softly.\n\n\n“Babs really made you see what's going on, huh?”\n\n\nButton sniffed, and leaned into the embrace. “Yeah, and you this morning. I was just a bit too stubborn to see my situation for what it truly is.”\n\n\nThat genuinely cheered Tender up, and not because he'd been proven right, but because he felt his friend could now find somepony else who deserved a great-ish guy like him. Also, he got his wingman back, and in time for horny season too, a nice bonus.\n\n\n“Told you,” he joked. Giving his BFF another squeeze before letting go. \n\n\n\"So, Babs was actually helpful even if she was taken?\" \n\n\n‘Maybe I should actually give talking to the mares a try,’ Tender thought, seeing the potential of finding them useful for information gathering and not just foal bearing.\n\n\n“She was,” Button let off a weak smile. “She was quite mad at me at first, but the more we talked about Sweetie, the nicer she got. She said she even has a friend who might like me.”\n\n\n\"Wait, seriously, there's a mare in town who has a crush on you?\" Tender exclaimed in utter disbelief. That was news to him, but it made sense, sort of; he couldn't be the only pony in town who realised what a great stallion Button was underneath all his annoying habits.\n\n\n“That's awesome! Who is it?”\n\n\n\"She wouldn't say.\" Button's smile waned a bit, but it stayed on his muzzle, as he was ever the hopeful one. \"She said she wouldn't help me cheat, but if I ever broke things off with Sweetie Belle, she'd introduce us.\"\n\n\n“Sweet!” Tender grinned. “Just tell her you dumped that stuffed up unicorn and go meet this mare.” To his disappointment, Button shook his head, the colt, too loyal for his own good.\n\n\n“I can't just do that. I'll need to actually break up with her first.”\n\n\n“Sweet, send her a letter today.”\n\n\n“Face to face,” Button cut his friend off. “We've been together for years, I can't just end it with a letter. She hasn't been good to me lately, but she deserves as much. I deserve as much.”\n\n\n‘Drat!’ But Tender couldn't really argue with that. Well he could, but knew a losing battle when he saw one… Some of the time anyway.\n\n\n“So you'll be missing another season then?” Technically his friend could jump on a train, dump the bitch and be back in a couple of days, but he didn't expect that would happen.\n\n\nButton nodded. “Seems that way. Probably for the best though.”\n\n\nHe shook his head. “I don't get you, it's like you're not even in season. Aren't you horny?”\n\n\n“I am,” Button reluctantly admitted, not that his smell could be disguised even behind the cheap aftershave he wore constantly, even when it wasn’t mating season. \n\n\n“But I've already missed four seasons, what's another one? Besides, I don't think it's right to just rush into things with this new mare either. I need some time to get over Sweetie, and then me and this new mare will have a whole year to get to know each other before we decide if we're right for each other.”\n\n\nTender shook his head and snorted, but in a friendly way. “You're crazy, but you do you.”\n\n\nButton just smiled, that seemed to be it. It was kinda the outcome Tender had been hoping for. There was one more thing he needed though.\n\n\n“So…” he began, “if you're staying chaste anyway, would you care to help a bro out? I'm not going to wait for the next season, and I could really use the help.”\n\n\nThat seemed to knock the gamer pony out of his serious mode and he grinned back at Tender. “Sure bro, you're going to need all the help you can get.”\n\n\nThe comment was meant to be a reassuring one, but the truth behind his best buddy telling him he had no game at the moment still stung him both mentally and in his stallionhood.\n\n\n*****\n\n\nIt had already been late when they'd decided to venture into Ponyville again to try and charm the mares still out and about. However, within the few hours spent together, even Tender Taps had to admit that it had been a major catastrophe. \n\n\n\"Am I not attractive, or what's with these mares?!\" the orange earth pony grumbled to himself as he walked down one of Ponyville’s many streets. He and Button had attempted to strike up conversations with the mares who had caught their eyes, even with Button not keen on pursuing any romantic adventures. Nonetheless, Tender had persuaded him to flirt with two mares before the night was over, and the brown pony had walked home. \n\n\nCoconut Cream and Toola Roola had been nice enough to chat with them for a while, but had (understandably, in Tender’s mind) lost interest when Button had shown no interest in mating, which in turn would have made the two mares into broodmares. He himself had talked up Aura and Archer, but it’d ended much the same as with Tornado.\n\n\n“Looking for perfection I assume… Can’t blame them really, considering the rules,” Tender Taps mumbled, thinking back on the history lessons Mrs. Cheerilee would give them a bit before mating season would arrive… Every. Single. Year.\n\n\n*****\n\n\n\"Many thousands of years ago, ponies were feral creatures roaming the fields of Equestria. But as we grew sentient, two sisters emerged—one sister to watch over us during the day, and one during the night,\" Cherilee began, the students before her half-listening. It was the same story every time, so Tender didn’t regard it as something of great importance.\n\n\n\"Because Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ascended to alicorn status, they believed it their destiny to lead our kind into a better pony world. Progress came, but there was always one thing that held ponykind back: mating. Heat used to occur over a much longer period of time, from early spring to late fall.\" \n\n\nTender rolled his eyes. ‘Are these lessons so important? We’ve heard it time and time again ever since entering puberty.’ It felt repetitive as nothing else, but by Princess Celestia’s decree, it was to be retold every year so all students would remember.\n\n\n\"Back then, stallions would fight during this long period for the rights to mate with us mares. Meanwhile, mares would drop most of their duties as if they meant nothing to them and then scour Equestria for a partner. Progress took place during winter, while we regressed into our primal selves outside of the snowfall period, resulting in a sort of stagnation.\" Having finished walking up and down the rows of ponies seated, Cheerilee returned to the whiteboard, rolling it down to show the now much shorter mating period.\n\n\n“To ensure our future, the two sisters cast a chastity spell on all of us, ensuring we couldn’t feel pleasure outside of one designated week of the year. Our world has been divided into three regions, each getting a week in which they can mate, with no one allowed to travel between said regions during this period.” \n\n\nTender looked out the window, the spring sun shining brightly as their chosen week quickly approached. “Same story, different year,” Tender mumbled quietly to himself.\n\n\n“With the sisters watching over us, they ensure our instincts are kept at bay. This has made the world much calmer. Of course, in turn, said week has become a bit of a competition… but there is space for all to participate once of age, though I still strongly advise you all to wait until you have graduated fully… or until birth lays after graduation,” Cheerilee assured and half-way demanded, the mares looking around at the few stallions seated within the class. \n\n\n‘Mares have always outnumbered us stallions tenfold, but that didn’t mean siring foals was guaranteed, of course,’ Tender had to remind himself. \n\n\n*****\n\n\n\"Everypony can participate, my rump! It certainly doesn't feel that way,\" Tender mumbled under his breath. Looking down the lightly lit street, he caught sight of Rumble trotting back home, flanked closely by no less than Archer, Dinky Doo, Coconut Cream, Toola Roola, Tornado Bolt, Aura and Scootaloo. The mare’s seemingly almost attached to his sides. \n\n\n\"That little cheat... monopolising all the mares,\" he whispered harshly, a mix of anger and sudden sadness hitting him like a physical blow. Getting rocks stuck in his hooves would probably feel better, Tender concluded. \n\n\n‘How dare he have so many mares at his whim, all ready to become his broodmares!’ The orange colt struggled with his inner turmoil, seeing how his childhood buddy’s seed was so wanted, while his own was left locked up and forgotten.\n\n\nAs he grumbled, he spotted yet another mare trotting towards Rumble and his flock of hens, one he recognized as Babs Seed. \n\n\n‘Didn't she have a coltfriend? The shamelessness of the mares in this town!’\n\n\nTo his surprise, though, Babs simply strolled past the popular stallion without giving him any attention. ‘That was refreshing,’ the stallion thought, feeling a bit of relief on behalf of whoever Babs' coltfriend was… ‘Oh right, it’s that Featherweight weirdo.’\n\n\nHe followed Babs with his gaze as she trotted up and entered a building, one of the town's less reputable watering holes.\n\n\n‘Well, Button did say she gave good advice,’ Tender thought to himself as he watched her cute rear end disappear between the western-style swing doors, which the owner always installed when the weather got hotter. \n\n\nIgnoring Rumble and having a drink seemed like exactly the kind of example he should follow after a day like this.\n\n\nWeighing his options, the orange earth pony couldn’t come up with any excuses as to why he shouldn’t get a little tipsy at the start of the weekend. Monday was still days away, so to relax his nerves with apple cider seemed like just the kick needed. Who knows, perhaps the orange mare would reveal a couple issues reminiscent of Button’s own issues, and in turn his lovely self could help her out in these trying times of the year. \n\n\n…..\n\n\nUpon opening the swing doors, Tender Taps was met with the sound of country music being blasted at maximum volume. It was a dimly lit bar (considering the darkness outside), but it nonetheless made for a comfortable environment. \n\n\nThere were ponies within which he could recognize, but the only one he could put a name to was Babs Seed. The orange pony, with her reddish-rose mane, was sitting at the bar, cider in one hoof and newspaper in the other. He took a deep breath and straightened out his posture before walking up to her. “Good evening, could I join you for a drink?”\n\n\nA tired-looking Babs glanced over her shoulder, green eyes meeting purple ones. “Sure… if you've got bits to pay for a round of cider, that is,” Babs joked half-heartedly, yet still hoping that the overconfident stallion she called a friend would fall for the request. \n\n\nWith the practice of a longtime player, bits were tossed onto the counter before Tender had even placed his rump onto the chair. “I’ll have apple cider, and you?” He settled down, the wooden floor creaking softly under the weight being placed onto the metal bar stool.\n\n\n“I’ll have watermelon cider,” Babs called out, finishing the apple cider she held in her hoof before laying down the newspaper. \n\n\nThe front-page cover showed off a large photo of the royal sister duo, the article more than likely telling about how they’d visit their region during mating week, purportedly for good luck. However, from what Spike had told them in class throughout the years, it was more than likely just an excuse to visit Twilight for a week.\n\n\n“I didn't even know they made watermelon cider,” he said as the bartender began pouring.\n\n“What can I say, I’m a big city gal, and we've got fancy taste,” Babs replied as she accepted the large glass filled with the red, bubbly liquid. “Didn’t expect you of all ponies to go for apple cider, though.”\n\n\n“Why not?” Tender said before his brain could catch up with his tongue, then his mood fell. “Right, Apple Bloom’s family makes this stuff.”\n\n\n“Yeah,” Babs gave him a sympathetic look. “She told me about the breakup, sorry.”\n\n\nTender wasn’t sure how to respond; she just had to bring that up, didn’t she? Though he supposed it was his own fault for ordering that damned cider. He glared at the glass in front of him, wishing he’d gone for literally anything else, and preferably something much stronger.\n\n“Wanna switch?” \n\n\nHe looked up at her. Babs, in turn, nodded down to her drink. \n\n\n“So very much,” he answered, and pushed the offending glass over to her and grabbed the watermelon glass in return. “Thanks,” he said, honestly. \n\n\nMaybe Button was right; Babs Seed had a lot more going for her than a mean mare attitude and the tenuous friendship they had built up while he was dating Apple Bloom.\n\n\n“It’s okay,” she said, raising the glass of orange liquid, and took a sip. “I don’t mind apple cider, and you looked like you could use something else.”\n\nHe could, and he did. Raising the glass to his muzzle, he took a big sip and felt the flavour dance across his mouth. It tasted a bit artificial, but it was so sweet that it didn’t matter. He took another mouthful and swallowed with a pleased sigh.\n\n\n“This was exactly what I needed, thanks,” he muttered, while glancing over at Babs. She was fidgeting with her own glass, having already drunk half of it. She looked like she had something to say, something uncomfortable. Tender perked his ears.\n\n“I don’t know if this helps,” she began, giving him a sympathetic smile before adding, “but it wasn’t anything about you.”\n\n“What wasn’t about me?” he asked, already guessing what she was referring to.\n\n\n“You and Apple Bloom,” Babs confirmed, looking down at the wooden table. “She told me about it, and I thought it might help you get over it if you knew it wasn’t anything you did wrong. It was her that was the issue.”\n\nNow, that was something Tender already knew, but it felt nice to hear. He’d had some creeping suspicions that he might’ve been at least a little bit at fault. That left the bigger question, though. “Why? If I’m such a great stallion, why did she dump me then?”\n\n\nBabs looked quite apologetic and took another deep sip before answering. “It wasn’t about you,” she repeated. “She kinda got feelings for somepony else…”\n\nTender didn’t let her finish. “Isn’t that always the bucking case!?” he growled. ‘Buck Rumble, stealing all the mares for himself, even those that belonged to somepony else!’\n\n\n“Finding a mate is hard,” Babs agreed. “It took me three seasons to find somepony as sweet and caring as Featherweight.”\n\n\n‘Featherweight,’ Tender thought. Yet another stallion his age that had more luck than him. He downed the rest of his cider, hoping to numb his frustration, but it wasn’t enough. He looked over at his friend and grinned, though it felt more like a grimace. \n\n\n“Wanna get drunk tonight?”\n\n\nShe appeared to think it over, then polished off her own drink. “You know what, sure. Might be the last time I get to drink in a long time.”\n\n\nThat’s what Tender was hoping to hear. He slammed another few bits on the bartop. “Four more of those watermelon ciders,” he ordered.\n\n\n*****\n\n\nHours passed in the blink of an eye, with the rounds of cider consumed growing steadily. And with it, his emotions had become a mess. By Nightmare Moon herself, he was still angry at that charming dickhead called Rumble, and his frustration at not being able to attract mares had only grown. Yet, that wasn't the topic of conversation at the moment.\n\n\nThey’d started out chatting about the rules surrounding the mating season. Even though he thought it ridiculous, Babs had backed them, arguing the farming industry had historically benefited from stallions not being hurt every fall, and mares now being work focused.\n\n\nNot wanting to anger the mare, Tender had let it go, not finding it worth it to convince the farmer otherwise. By the time their third round of cider had been drunk, the conversation had shifted to focus on himself, specifically the failing plans he’d made to try and get his hooves on some appealing pony rump.\n\n\nShe’d tried to help him along, assuring Tender that it wasn’t he who was the problem but rather the unfortunate circumstances of the season. The farmer argued that, since most of their birth year were about to move out, mares were flocking around their childhood crushes. And it just so happened that Rumble was one of those, as he’d become a Wonderbolt.\n\n\nReflecting on it, Tender felt a bit ashamed that he’d tried to flirt with her while she’d been trying to support him through his difficult situation. Nevertheless, the mare hadn’t seemed offended by his advances, just shocked that he’d go for a mare in a relationship. \n\n\nJokes about Feather striking him down from up high had ensued, not that he’d taken those very seriously as he’d focused on downing his fourth watermelon drink of the night. \n\n\nThat had been the night so far, and now they were talking about Featherweight and Babs Seed's relationship while drinking the seventh round of drinks.\n\n\n“So anyway, when I got home from work, I found Featherweight all packed up and ready to fly off. The dork had even been writing a small letter when I’d opened the door. Now, I myself don’t know much about Pegasus culture, but he said that he needed his parents' consent before we could consummate our relationship during next week's mating season.” \n\n\nBabs had been drinking as much if not more than he’d done, yet somehow she seemed only half as drunk as himself as she talked on and on about her relationship without stuttering.\n\n\n“I did not think he would have such a large backbone when it came to this, even asking you to promise not to drink during any stage of the pregnancy,” Tender noted, surprised at how mature one of his classmates seemed to have become.\n\n\n“The drinking part made sense. If I recall correctly, his mother actually apologised quite a lot about his large front teeth, saying she was sorry for having finished quite a few bottles of strawberry cider,” Babs noted, as she scratched the back of her neck.\n\n\n“So, it’s coming from a good place, that I’m sure of,” Babs assured, while she laughed about her last night of drinking. By Celestia’s sun, he was starting to feel like the only pony around who hadn’t figured out his future… and those drinks.\n\n\nThe sweetness of them was starting to get to him; the watermelon flavour didn’t feel right on his taste buds anymore. He wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but he wouldn’t have minded if they had switched back to apple cider a few rounds back. \n\n\nMidnight had come and gone, but even in his drunken state, Tender was still lost on what to do with his ever growing problem in finding a mare who’d want his foal batter.\n\n\n“Last call!” The voice of the bartender and the little bell she rang jolted Tender back to attention. He looked over at Babs. \n\n\n“One last round?” she asked.\n\n\nTender was about to reply in the affirmative, but the sweetness of watermelon cider lingered on his tongue, he'd already spent far more bits than he probably should have anyway. “Nah, I think I'm done with this,” he said, attempting to point at his glass and nearly knocking it over. “Too sweet for my taste,” he blamed, despite having already had seven rounds.\n\n\n“Then I know just the thing,” Babs replied, her voice slurring just a bit as she reached for her bit purse. “Two GPA’s, please.” \n\n\nTender was about to object, but she shot him a look. “My treat,” she explained, “This might be the last thing I drink in a year or possibly more than one, so I want it to be a good one, and I'd like to do it with a friend.”\n\n\n‘Friend?’ Tender thought as she slapped down enough bits to buy half a dozen of the cheap ciders, only to get two small bottles in return. \n\n\n‘Is that how she thinks of me?’ He wanted to be mad about being put in the friend-zone by yet another mare, but it actually felt nice. Hanging out with her reminded him of the easy going relationship he had with Button Mash.\n\n\n“To friendship,” he announced, taking the bottle and raising it for a toast.\n\n\n“It's magic,” Babs agreed and clinked the bottles. “And to last drinks.”\n\n\n“Maybe for you,” Tender grinned, and brought the bottle to his lips.\n\n\nThe look Babs gave him made him pause. “What?” he asked, feeling a bit ashamed. “We can't all be as lucky as you and Featherweight, let me have this.”\n\n\nShe looked like she might object, but then a smile spread across her muzzle. “Okay, good point. I got pretty lucky with him.”\n\n\n“He got lucky with you too,” Tender said, and to his own surprise meant it.\n\n\n“Thanks,” she said, giving him a smile, “I'm sure you'll get lucky too.”\n\n\nThat drained a bit of Tender's alcohol numbed cheerfulness, and reminded him of what a complete shit day he'd had. “Not bucking likely,” he muttered, and took a deep sip. The flavour hit him like one of Apple Bloom's kicks, strong and bitter, just like he felt.\n\n\n“What is that stuff?” he coughed, trying to read the label on the bottle through his tears.\n\n\n“Gryphonian Pale Ale,” Babs answered, giving him a hard slap on the back to help him with the coughing. “I guess they're a bit of an acquired taste.”\n\n\n“Kinda like me then,” he grumbled. “I could make any mare happy, but no one wants to give me a try after the shit review Apple Bloom gave me.” \n\n\nThe next slap was a bit less friendly, the hit leaving a hoof mark on his back. “Careful there Tender, that's my cousin you're talking about.” The warning note in her tone made Tender sober up a bit. He hadn't meant it like that, well he had, but now he felt a bit bad about it.\n\n\n“Look,” Babs began, letting her hoof rise from his back to rest on his shoulder. “I know she broke up with you at a bad time, but you two wanted different things, it was gonna happen sooner or later.”\n\n\n“Different things yeah,” Tender snorted. “I wanted her and she wanted Rumble.”\n\n\n“It's not Rumble,” Babs sighed, then stiffened as if she realised she'd said something she shouldn't have.\n\n\n\"It's not?\" Tender pressed. \"Every single mare in town is interested in him, well, except for you of course. If it wasn't for him, then the rest of us would have a shot.\"\n\n\n“It's more complicated than that,” Babs tried to explain.\n\n\n“It is?” Tender shot back, taking a sip from the vile drink, it wasn't that bad the second time around, the excessive bitterness felt right somehow. \n\n\n“There's only a dozen eligible mares in town from our year who haven't left for the bigger cities, and all of them are fawning over one bucking stallion, leaving the rest of us dry. The only hope the rest of us have is to either get really super lucky like yours did, or get strung along and cheated on like Button.”\n\n\n“Sweetie Belle cheated on him?” The shock was clear in her voice, prompting Tender to be a bit less bitter in his response.\n\n\n“Well I don't know for sure,” he admitted. “But you gotta admit she treats him like shit.”\n\n\n“It's starting to seem that way,” Babs agreed.\n\n\n“He’s been loyal to her for four years and she won't even publicly admit that they're together. Button's a really great stallion and he deserves a lot better than to be strung along by a pony who lacks the bucking decency to properly break up with him,” he ranted, pent up frustration for his poor friend finding an outlet to vent. \n\n\n“At least Apple Bloom didn't give me false hope.”\n\n\n“So that's wh-” Babs clammed up, taking a deep sip from her bottle and looking around.\n\n\n“What?” he asked.\n\n\n“Nothing,” she replied.\n\n\nTender had been around the Apple Family enough to know that none of them could lie for shit, and Babs was clearly keeping something from him. He didn't need to force it out of her though, his mind made the connections by itself.\n\n\n“No,” he breathed. It couldn't be, could it?\n\n\n“Sorry,” Babs replied, doing her best to avoid looking at him.\n\n\n“The little bastard…” Tender growled, his empathy for Button rapidly turning into jealousy. \n\n\n“Apple Bloom broke up with me right before the season because she wanted to bear his foals instead of mine?!”\n\n\n“No!” Babs put the bottle down and met his gaze. He was once again reminded that she wasn't just one of those simple mares.\n\n\n“First of all, I don't think she was even thinking of Button when things fell apart between you two, and she definitely wasn't thinking about doing that with him.”\n\n\n“Right,” Tender snorted, taking a derisive chug from his bottle. It burned all the way down.\n\n\n“She doesn't want foals, Tender!” Babs proclaimed, throwing up her hooves.\n\n\n‘Wait, what?’ “What?” he spoke out loud, the alcohol forcing the word out. ‘How can she not want to have foals? She probably just didn't want them with a loser like him.’\n\n\n“Apple Bloom doesn't want foals,” Babs repeated steadfastly, doing her best to defuse the tension. “And she could tell it was something really important to you, so she broke things off so you could find somepony else.”\n\n\nCould that actually be true? ‘No,’ Tender told himself. “Then she chose the worst possible time to dump me. I've become a mating pariah. I can't even get Rumble's leftovers!”\n\n\n“What do you want me to say!?” Babs shot back, throwing up her hooves in frustration. “What if I took Rumble out of the gene pool, would that help?!”\n\n\n“That'd be nice!” Tender finished off the dregs of his bottle, the last few drops tasted even worse, yeasty. “But it's not like that's ever going to happen is it!” He glared over at his deceitful drinking companion and noticed that she was blushing.\n\n\n“What?” he asked, finding the sudden shift in her demeanour odd. \n\n\n“It's not like that's a thing that could happen, right?” He tried again. She shifted, looking almost nervous as she finally met his gaze.\n\n\n“Look, I'm only offering because I feel bad for you, and because I'll need the bits with the foal and wedding coming along.”\n\n\nTender was confused. “Offering me what?”\n\n\n“Offering to fix your competition.” He wasn't entirely sure if she was being serious, she couldn't possibly be implying what it sounded like.\n\n\n“You're not talking about killing him, right?’ Tender asked, now feeling genuinely scared. He wanted the bastard gone, sure, but that'd be taking it too far.\n\n\n“No of course not!” Babs hurried to reassure him, “and keep your voice down!” She looked around the bar, it was almost empty at this time of the night, yet the music had been turned down and the bartender was always within earshot. “Okay… Keep your voice down, and let me explain,” she whispered, finishing off her own bottle and licking her lips like she actually enjoyed the bitter drink and yeasty taste at the bottom.\n\n\n\"Look, there are plenty of mares all over the town. Sweet Celestia, you stallions have it easy considering how many mares there are for each stallion out there,\" Babs started, the apple mare maintaining strong eye contact with the dancer before her.\n\n\n\"Yes, I know, Babs. For once, I actually listened during that lesson Cheerilee gave us. But it doesn’t change the situation. Ponies usually stick to dating within their graduation year, and as far as I'm aware, Rumble has charmed most of the mares left in town,\" he replied, uneasy under her intimidating gaze, as she still hadn’t explained what she meant earlier.\n\n\n\"Alright, I see your point. You probably won't get any tail until Rumble has flown off to the Wonderbolt academy and ponies have forgotten about your breakup with Apple Bloom, so, at best, a few years,\" Babs concluded. \n\n\n“Oh buck me!” Tender whined, his already slim chances of getting to plant his seed this season vanishing completely.\n\n\n\"Tough shit buddy,” Babs shot back. “You got two options then, well three if you include stop whining. Either pray to Discord that he drops in and unseals your stallionhood and a mare's womb out of season, or find a way to make that Rumble stallion so unattractive the mares might see even you as a catch in comparison.\"\n\n\nThat statement, however, didn’t seem to improve the situation, as Tender’s head drooped onto the counter. The realisation that he might end up in a longer dry period than Button impacting his pride intensely.\n\n\n\"S-sorry... Anyway, I can't help you with your reputation; that's something you'll have to fix yourself, one way or another. But I can help you with Rumble, or rather, I can point you towards a solution to your problem.”\n\n\nThat seemed to have piqued his interest once again, as Tender’s ears perked up from their drooping position tightly against his head. \"I'm listening.\"\n\n\n\"The mares are after him because they smell his virility and because-”\n\n\n“Virility my ass. You should see us when showering after P.E. Babs, that colt doesn’t have much to-” A glaring look from Babs made him stop mid-sentence. \n\n\n“You said you were listening, so listen. They can smell his virility and the fame they might get from having a Wonderbolt's foal. Ruining his career is out of the question; I wouldn’t want to ruin those wings anyway. Mmm, Pegasus wings...” Babs trailed off, imagining Featherweight enveloping her cold body during winter, the gentlecolt warming her up at his expense.\n\n\nNow it was Tender’s turn to glare at her, the colt tapping his hoof against the counter to snap the mare out of her... night-dreaming.\n\n\nExcusing her tangent, Babs returned to her previous explanation. “So that leaves you with just one option. You gotta somehow make the colt smell not virile, that way mares will not even consider him a suitable sire stallion to mate with.”\n\n\n“Easy for you to say. What have you got planned? Spray him with some zebra potion so he smells like a skunk for the rest of the season?” The plan wasn’t half bad, though it’d have backfired in the long run when ponies found out he’d used such a childish prank on Rumble.\n\n\n“Nice one, for a ten-year-old, that is. I know a pony who knows a pony, and they’ve told me that the massage clinic in the centre of town offers some special services.”\n\n\n\"B-Babs, I think the barmare is looking and listening in,\" Tender stuttered.\n\n\n\"Oh, don’t worry about her. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation here. Just ignore her. I’ve struck a deal to keep her quiet. Can’t say Feather was thrilled to hear it the first time. Understandably though, it’s not every day a stallion is told that his fiancée has arranged for him to sire a few foals with another mare,\" Babs said without thinking. \n\n\n\"Hey! Don't make me out to be the needy one here. He agreed to it once he discovered your fascination with stallions who enjoy breeding lots of mares,\" the barmare called out. A large blush enveloped the barmare’s entire face as she looked away. She refused to make further eye contact, simply continuing with her cleaning of the place instead.\n\n\nTender's head whipped back and forth, the slight blush on the barmare’s face intensifying his jealousy of the Pegasus. \n\n\nRealising she had revealed too much, Babs reached out for one of his ears, which stood at attention, jutting into the air. Feeling a hoof on his ear, he was jolted back into the conversation as she forcefully recaptured his attention.\n\n\n\"The information about the massage clinic will cost you, and the service they provide, even more,\" Babs explained, silencing him when he attempted to ask about Featherweight.\n\n\nSilence fell upon the bar, the stallion taking his time to think her offer over “I think I can afford it. My career at the Coloratura firm as a top dancer has given me a bit of wiggle room in my budget. At least something good came out of my relationship with Apple Bloom,” he noted. \n\n\n“I still can’t believe Applejack and Countess Coloratura are childhood friends…” Tender mumbled to himself. \n\n\n“Oh thank the moon!” Babs half shouted, “I guess we’ll both be fixing each other’s problems then.” She went on to briefly explain how she’d been in a bit of a pickle regarding a promise she’d made to Feather in regards to finding the funds for their wedding. \n\n\n“So, putting the bits aside, the clinic offers what I can only describe as a hospital operation… Legal, of course,” Babs lied defensively, as she saw Tender raise an eyebrow in concern. \n\n\n“Though it is done under the table, meaning Mayor Mare doesn’t know.” \n\n\n“I’m not sure, Babs. This doesn’t seem like a good idea…”\n\n\n“Do you want some tail or not?” Babs exclaimed, the stallion before her simply lowering his head in defeat. He’d be damned if a little hesitation were to ruin his chances at getting laid.\n\n\n“Since both a stallion and a mare’s crotch are basically immune to both pleasure and, in turn, pain, the owners of the clinic have figured out that they can offer a special service for their male members, and the tables have a numbing spell just in case…” \n\n\nThoughts of lessons involving the royal sisters came to mind, with Tender remembering just how large a hoof they had in everypony’s lives, the chastity spell in particular the reason for this numbness all year around, including the inability to relieve any erections he got.\n\n\nTender almost felt bad that he didn’t have a paper and pen on him, the earth pony wanting to write down notes like how he did when practising his dance moves.\n\n\n“The owners concluded that they’d be open to offering gelding services for members whom they fully trust, or for ponies who have agreed to this service through those members. And you, my kind stallion, are now being offered the option for Rumble’s nuts to be removed.”\n\n\n“I, but, how will… Will he know that he’s getting gelded?” The questions tumbled out of Tender's mouth more swiftly than he could fully form them.\n\n\n“It can be arranged for him not to know. I’ll just have to explain that he’s coming with friends, and that Rumble doesn’t wish for them to know about his gelding while it’s taking place… should work as a nice cover up,” Babs responded confidently.\n\n\nCaught between a rock and a hard place, Tender wasn't sure of his next move. On one hoof, he wanted Rumble out of the gene pool like no other; on the other, he questioned if he was willing to go that far in order to simply spread his seed.\n\n\n“You can bring Button Mash along, make it a guys night out in town,” Babs prompted. “They do the procedure close to midnight, kind of a last call for those wanting a massage before the season starts. That way, you can wander around town beforehoof and concoct a convincing cover-up story for Rumble and Button to believe in.” \n\n\nWho was he kidding, his balls would be bluer than Buttons by the end of the season if he didn’t get any tail. Raising his hoof, he offered Babs a nervous smile. “Alright, I'm in. Let's thin out the competition.”\n\n\n“Great!” Babs said as she shook his hoof with that farmer strength the apple family was known for, and Babs had built up ever since permanently moving to town to be with her beloved Featherweight. “Now I can finally afford all those toys for our honeymoon.”\n\n\n“What did you just say?” Tender asked, overhearing the mare mumbling to herself.\n\n\n“N-nothing. See you on Sunday.” And with that, she trotted away, departing through the swing doors with a sort of flair to her steps that would suggest that the past hours she’d spent drinking hadn’t happened whatsoever. \n\n\nHe waved goodbye to the barmare and made his way home, staggering from the bar and to his bed, somehow finding it harder to use his legs properly compared to the city mare.\n\n\n*****\n\n\n“Goooood morning, Tender,” Button said as he opened the door for his friend, then frowned a moment later. “Wow, you look awful. Are you okay?” Not even Tender himself was sure of what his grumbled reply was, but perhaps it was better that way. He needed Button’s help, and he was desperate to escape the blasted sunlight that was stinging his eyes. \n\n\nHe already regretted not wearing the one hat he owned. It had been a gift from Apple Bloom back when they were still dating and he hadn’t had the guts to throw it away after the breakup. He hadn't worn it since either though.\n\n\n“Did you drink a lot last night?” Button asked, giving Tender a concerned look.\n\n\nThat, at least, was a straightforward question the very hungover pony could answer. He nodded emphatically, and then instantly regretted it.\n\n\n“You’d better come in,” Button suggested as he stepped aside. “Let me get you some water, and maybe some coffee,” he offered.\n\n\nTender hated coffee, way too bitter, though he’d take anything to alleviate this headache and nausea. He followed his friend inside, grateful to escape the sunlight.\n\n\n“I’ve got half a pizza left over from yesterday,” the eternal gamer pony offered. “It’s almost lunchtime anyway, so let’s share it.”\n\n\nThat perked Tender up. Button’s homemade pizza was always a treat. The little nerd might actually become a great cook if he ever tried his hooves at something other than junk food.\n\n\n“That'd be great, thanks,” he remarked, making his way over to the large couch. He sighed as he allowed himself to collapse on the soft piece of furniture. It felt great not to have to stand up anymore, and Button's home was cool and dim, which suited his hangover fine.\n\n\n“You really drank a lot last night,” Button commented, watching his friend with some real concern in his eyes at how severe those bags the tap dancer had was.\n\n\n“Eyupp.” Tender saw no reason to deny it. “I took your advice, and it went a bit too well.”\n\n\n“My advice?” Button returned from the kitchen to put a large glass of water down in front of his friend. “I don't recall telling you to hit the bottle, definitely not this hard.”\n\n\n“No,” Tender agreed, downing the water in one single go. It helped, a little. “But you did tell me to talk with Babs,”\n\n\n“Great, so how did it go?” The gamer pony seemed to cheer up at this.\n\n\n“It went really well,” Tender repeated, and shook his glass meaningfully for a refill. “Though that mare can bucking drink. I tried to match her, but by the time I couldn't anymore, she wasn't even slurring.”\n\n\nButton rolled his eyes, but took the glass anyway and disappeared into the kitchen. They could still hear each other, even over the sound of running water. “What can I say, she's a sturdy mare!” \n\n\n“Damn right,” Tender agreed. “Her foals are going to grow up strong,” he commented, though not fully believing it as he thought Featherweight a weak match for the powerful mare.\n\n\nThere was a clatter of plates and then the hum of a microwave being turned on before Button returned, full glass in hoof. “Damn bro, is breeding all you ever think of?” he sighed, passing over the glass to hopefully cool his friend off a bit.\n\n\n“This close to the season? Yeah.” Tender saw no shame in admitting it. He was only a pony after all, a hot blooded stallion at that. “Everypony else is doing the same too. You see how all those mares are hanging over Rumble like he's a piece of cheese.”\n\n\n“A piece of cheese?” Button tilted his head in confusion.\n\n\n“Or something else that's irresistible,” Tender grumbled. “I'm hungover, give me a break. And the pizza smells amazing,” he added as the smell of high quality griffin cheese intensified, a second before the ding of the microwave declared that it was ready for him. \n\n\n“Bring it over here.”\n\n\nButton didn't bring it over though, instead he gave his friend a mildly annoyed look. “You could at least say please.”\n\n\nThat drew a chuckle out of the morbidly hungover stallion. “Please bring it over here, you little gamer bitch.”\n\n\n“That's better,” Button let out a laugh in return and vanished back into the kitchen with a swish of his bushy tail. “Glad you're feeling better, you ungrateful shit,” he added cheerfully as he returned with two large slices of steaming hot cheesy goodness.\n\n\n“Thanks.” Tender showed gratitude, dropping his joking tone before he dove into his meal.\n\n\n“You're welcome, bitch,” Button teased as he brought his own slice up to his lips.\n\n\n“No, I really mean it,” Tender said between bites, as a plan started to form for how he was going to set up the pieces for Babs Seeds’ plan. “You’re a really good friend.”\n\n\n“Aw shucks, are you going soft on me bro?” Button seemed quite touched by the words, even if he tried to hide it.\n\n\n“Yeah, and thank you for the pizza,” Tender admitted. “I feel like I should do something nice for you in return.”\n\n\n“Oh you don't have to do that. You'd have done the same for me.” Button reached over and gave his fellow stallion a very friendly punch to the shoulder.\n\n\n‘I would have,’ Tender admitted to his own surprise. He really would have, and that made the rest of what he had to say feel a lot better. ‘I'm kinda doing this for you too.’ “How about we hit the spa tomorrow night? My treat.”\n\n\n“Good one,” Button chuckled in reply, and bit into his pizza.\n\n\n“No,” Tender frowned, “I'm serious, let's take a spa day and relax.”\n\n\nButton looked at his friend in surprise as he chewed. “Seriously?” he said once he had swallowed. “The spa? Have you ever been there before?”\n\n\n“No,” Tender had to admit. Rats, this could derail his plans. “But I've heard it's the best way to blow off steam, and you know how stressed out I am for the mating season.”\n\n\n“No shit dude,” Button agreed with a sigh. “Why the spa though? Just bring over some cider and we'll play Colt of Duty all night like we used to. That'll relax you like nothing else.”\n\n\nTender had to admit that friendship and video games was a very tempting proposition, even if his body screamed at him that more cider was the last thing it wanted. If he hadn't met Babs last night and heard her plan, and paid a ton of bits for it already, then he absolutely would've taken his friend up on the offer. As it was, he couldn't. They could save that for after the mating season, this had to take priority.\n\n\n“We can do that too,” he offered as a compromise. “Play games and have some drinks, and then we hit the spa in the evening.”\n\n\n“You really are set on the spa,” Button commented, looking a bit suspicious. “Did you already buy tickets while you were drunk last night or something?”\n\n\n‘Excellent!’ Tender couldn't have come up with a better explanation himself. He lowered his gaze and did his best to act a bit embarrassed. “I might have,” he lied.\n\n\n“Dude,” Button exclaimed, “I was kidding! How did that happen?”\n\n\n“Well, it was Bab's idea,” Tender invented. “She suggested it, and I was drunk enough that it sounded like a great idea, and one of the twins was in the bar so we talked. Long story short, yeah, I ended up paying for a spa trip tomorrow.” Button didn't reply, too busy laughing.\n\n\n“Look, it was a really good deal okay!” Tender's cheeks flushed as he got defensive about his own made up story. It was a good one too, given he came up with it on the spot. “I got three ponies for the price of one.”\n\n\n“Yeah a great deal alright,” Button said as his laughter calmed down. “Then you can bring the two dates you don't have along to the spa for a romantic evening with yourself.” He broke down laughing once again.\n\n\n“As I said I was drunk,” Tender defended. “But since that's not happening, I figured I'd bring my best friend along instead.”\n\n\n“Seriously?” Button stopped laughing and looked at his friend, who shrugged.\n\n\n“Why not? It's already paid for, whether or not I go alone or bring a friend,” Tender said. Technically that was even true.\n\n\n“I mean, okay, why not,” Button noted, sounding a bit unconvinced. “Sweetie Belle used to visit the spa all the time, I guess I might as well come along and see what the hype is about.”\n\n\n“That's the spirit,” Tender cheered. “It's good to try new things every once in a while.”\n\n\n“I guess it is.” Button smiled back.\n\n\n“Yeah, and speaking of new things…” Tender launched into the next stage of his hastily constructed plan. “I think we should invite Rumble as well.”\n\n\n“Invite Rumble… You didn’t get a concussion last night by any chance?” Button asked, genuinely a little concerned at his buddy’s change in character.\n\n\n“No!” Tender answered, his raised voice causing pain to shoot through his stressed brain, he really was hungover from last night, Tender noted as he lowered his voice. “What’s so weird about me inviting Rumble of all colt’s?”\n\n\n\"Oh, I don’t know, perhaps the fact that you’ve been trying to murder him with your eyes ever since Apple Bloom broke up with you,\" Button said, the stallion putting down his pizza plate to focus on his hungover friend.\n\n\nTender did the same before continuing, “Listen, if you can't beat them, join them.”\n\n\n“What in the rotten horse apples is that supposed to mean?” Button asked.\n\n\n“I clearly can’t out-woo the damn stallion so why not ask him for advice instead? If he can make us half as successful with the mares as him, then that's a win for us,” Tender argued, his buddy thinking it over for a moment as their pizza slices grew cold.\n\n\n“Well… he’s never really been one for turning down somepony who’s asking for help,” the gamer mumbled just loud enough for Tender to hear. “Though you really think he’ll accept your request after all the stinkeyes you’ve given him?”\n\n\n“Such a negative way to think buddy, of course he will accept my request for some advice. Especially after he hears that he can go to the best spa in town for free,” Tender raised his voice in excitement, the colt quickly regretting it as pain shot through him again.\n\n\n\"That is a good way to lure him in; after all, those spa trips aren’t cheap,\" the brown earth pony said with a raised eyebrow, not fully convinced that his best friend would use his hard-earned bits to buy a trip to the spa for three ponies.\n\n\n\"Exactly! Now, let's finish eating so I can get back to sleep,\" Tender blurted out quickly, indulging in the small feast in front of him before Button could manage to answer. \n\n\n\"What? I’m hungover like a young apple farmer who foolishly challenged another and much older apple farmer to a drinking contest.\" \n\n\nButton responded with a small head tilt, not questioning his buddy’s mental and physical state as he could see the tap dancer swaying on the sofa.\n\n\nTo Be Continued…\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nA SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR DRAGON MEMBER:\n\n\n\n\nGRAHAM NOLEN", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "School had ended early with Cheerilee calling off all homework, the middle-aged mare giving her now adult students a head start on mating season preparations. The official day for them to legally mate under Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's rule was on Monday, meaning they all had the entire weekend to prepare themselves.


The class had quickly scattered, with Button Mash and Tender Taps rushing off to get a good hay burger or two before the rest of Ponyville went on lunch break. Now with food in their bellies, the two relaxed at a store near Sugarcube Corner before Rumble passed them.


"Just look at him, surrounded by eager mares," Tender Taps sighed, sounding exhausted.


“Button, are you even listening to me?” Tender Taps nudged the distracted gamer in the side, the goofball finally finding time to look up from the game he’d been trying to fully complete.


"What? Oh right, Rumble is a playcolt and blah blah blah," Button trailed off, not really that interested in listening to Tender’s yapping. Button’s buddy had lost his marefriend, Apple Bloom, just weeks prior, and the dancer had been angry and petty ever since.


The apple pony had unknowingly branded the tap dance performer as an undesirable sire for the upcoming mating season, resulting in not even a single breeding-ready mare looking at him seductively. Subsequently this predicament greatly troubled Button's pent-up friend.


“Why are you so uninterested? Didn’t Sweetie Belle break up with you for the same reasons as my perfect breeding partner did to me?!” an annoyed Tender Taps responded, his hoof tapping against the green grass beneath his hoof.


Spring had arrived, and the weather was perfect for walks through Ponyville's beautiful landscape, for dates in and around the town, and of course for courting mares.


“Distance... She didn’t break up with me. She just didn’t want me to be the sire of her foals.” The statement had a tinge of sadness to it, the brown earth pony still remembering her prideful voice and the words she used to label him... inadequate.


“Distance my rump, be happy she's a unicorn. Her words don't affect Pegasus or earth pony mare opinions, as everypony knows how high unicorn standards are,” Tender Taps reminded his BFF, his own situation ten times worse than Button probably could imagine.


To be called unworthy by a common farmer mare from the Apple Family was another level of humiliation he couldn’t wash off, not when he’d truly thought her the best broodmare around.


‘Those strong and muscular thighs are destined to be suited for more than just bucking apples, and I was destined to find that new purpose for them!’ Tender thought to himself.


“I like high standards,” Button grumbled, before returning to his game. “They're better than having no standards at all,” he noted as if trying to sound like Sweetie Belle.


“Right,” Tender rolled his eyes. Why couldn't his friend just get mad like he was? Maybe if he kept poking him…That’s it! “Maybe you should lower them instead?” That caused enough of a reaction from Button to make him look up from his game again.


“I'm saying that you're having higher standards than her,” Tender explained. “Technically.”


“Technically?” Button deadpanned.


“Yes, if she's with you, she's clearly having terrible standards.”


“Buck off.”


“No, I'm serious,” Tender said, moving closer to his friend and putting a hoof between his face and the game he was trying to return to. “I mean it,” he repeated as Button glared at him. “Think about it. Your standards are too high.”


“Too high?” Now Button finally looked a bit intrigued rather than annoyed. He also couldn't look anywhere else as the screen was blocked, so that helped. “What do you mean?”


“Well, your standard is Sweetie Belle, right?”


“Yeah, so?”


“So,” Tender began, “The only mare you want just so happens to be the prettiest mare in class, all years running, she's got a sister who's world famous and got her a job up in Canterlot and is probably going to be a star singer herself.”


Button nodded along, then furrowed his brow. “Wait, wasn't Diamond Tiara the cutest mare in class all years running… or at least for some of the years?”


Tender couldn't help but let out a snort. “Only Diamond Tiara thinks that, but it's besides the point. Sweetie Belle is all that, and a unicorn, and on top of all that she’s also schmoozing around with the wealthy elite.”


“She is,” Button agreed, getting a dreamy look on his face as he imagined his mare going about making herself known, that bossy look of hers so hot and cute at the same time.


Tender sighed, but drove the point home, hoping it'd land. “So, doesn't it sound like you'd have to have really high standards to even try to mate with her?”


Button mulled this over. “When you put it like that, yeah, I guess my standards are ambitious, but that's what makes Sweetie Belle worth waiting for.”


“And how many mating seasons has she made you wait, since she became fertile?” Tender sneered. It wasn’t a fair metric to judge any pony by, most mares waited for this season to have foals, the one in which they graduated and entered the job market.


Most ponies still went about bucking for fun far before this season, as adulthood and entering the job market weren’t perfectly aligned ‘Stupid Celestia, wanting us to be more mature than we need to be,’ he thought, internally rolling his eyes at the strict rules put in place.


“Four,” Button looked down at his hooves, for once not looking at the game held in them. “But she said she might be open to it next season, or the season after that, maybe…” he drifted off, shoulders hunching even further.


“Exactly, so since she isn't giving you any, why not lower your standards a bit until she does. For Celestia's sake Button, your balls must be bluer than Princess Luna's coat by this point.”


This caused Button to blush in embarrassment, but he nodded. “It's been quite a wait, yeah.”


“Exactly,” Tender repeated, reeling his friend in and gesturing over to all the mares clustered around Rumble. “So why not take the pressure off this season? See a few other mares on the side. Have some fun for once.”


“But what about… Sweetie Belle?”


Of course, that was Button's first concern, but Tender had an answer for that. “She doesn't have to know. She's all the way off in Canterlot after all.”


“I guess…”


Tender smiled to himself. While Button's words were dismissive, he noticed the hungry look the brown colt was giving mares now. Clearly, he wasn't as loyal of a coltfriend as he liked to pretend. A good thing too, as Tender was pretty sure Sweetie was cheating on him already anyway, even if Button refused to accept it, so it was only fair for him to play around too.


“That's right.” Tender put a hoof around his friend's shoulders and waved over to the flock of mares. “This season, we're both going to get laid!”


*****


"Stupid mares, just who do they think I am," Tender grumbled, the frustration evident in his voice as it mingled with the evening breeze. His Friday had gone from hopeful to disastrous faster than he could fully process.


After splitting up with Button Mash earlier to chase tail, he had dedicated four long hours on trying to get at the bare minimum one mare to accept him as their sire stallion or just buck buddy for the season; It was a task he had underestimated.


It’d indeed started promisingly, with Dinky Doo not only acknowledging his advances but also agreeing to them. They’d gone as far as planning a dinner and a date for the following week, a good chance for him to be able to sire a foal on her without too much effort if she was as naive and easy going as her dam was told to be.


The talk had made his heart swell with a mixture of triumph and much anticipation. However, the cruel twist of fate in the form of Scootaloo's untimely intervention had crumbled Tender’s hopes like a poorly built castle in the sand.


She had, with a few choice words about his recent breakup with Apple Bloom, broken the budding interest Dinky had shown him faster than Rainbow Dash could probably fly. In the aftermath of his search, Tender had found peace on a small hill overlooking Ponyville. The town lay spread out before his tired purple eyes, its dirt streets now just pathways woven through his thoughts, his eyes imagining them trails to futures filled with bucking.


He observed the ponies below, moving about their evening routines, all oblivious to the turmoil within him as the many pairs of ponies seemed to start off a relaxing weekend. The hill provided a physical distance, a vantage point that felt both comforting and isolating.


The grass beneath him was dry, a testament to days of sunshine. Yet despite the warm and dry grass below, the air carried a nip of coldness, a stark reminder that April had just begun.
It was a season of renewal, a time when Equestria shook off the remnants of cold winter and embraced the beginnings of life. Yet, for Tender, it seemed a cruel irony; while the world of Equestria burst with new life, his foal batter down below had seemingly been rejected.


Not even sweat, emanating musk, and a dripping sheath had been enough to attract a single mare. Noi and Bloo had given him a moment of their time, but not much had come of it since they'd both trotted off when Pipsqueak had passed by. Worst of all, Tornado Bolt had straight up taken into the sky upon their eyes meeting.


"Apple Bloom, why did you curse me?"


Taken out of his overthinking, Tender Taps caught the sound of approaching hoofsteps—and not the light kind that mares had. "Took you long enough, buddy." He lifted his head, spotting the brown pony slowly walking towards him, with the town of Ponyville at his back.


“Sorry.” Button was walking with his head low and his tail tucked. Clearly he'd had about as much luck as himself, Tender reasoned.


“I was talking with Babs and kinda forgot the time.”


‘Or maybe not!’ Tender perked up at his friend's success, even if he felt a stab of jealousy.


“No problem bro, I would've done the same thing.” Tender gave Button a punch to the shoulder, mostly to congratulate him.


“You would have?” Button gave Tender a quizzical look as he rubbed his shoulder. “Since when do you like actually talking with mares?”


“I do, when I think it'll help me get under their tails.” He held out a hoof for Button to bump.


“You might have a bit more luck with them if you took the time to listen to them.” Despite the grumbling sound of disapproval in his voice, Button didn't leave his bro hanging.


“Listen! Is that all you did?” Tender sneered as their hooves bumped together. “You mean you weren't just approaching Babs to get under her tail then?”


“I was at first,” Button blushed, “but then I found out she has a coltfriend.”


“So what? You've got a marefriend, kind of” Tender waved dismissively.


“If one of you is looking for some side action, it's alright if the other is too. In fact, it's probably better, then you don't have to stick around together afterwards.”


Button Mash gave a sigh, and then a bit of a glare. “It's not the same. She's happy with Featherweight, and I'm…” he took a deep breath, admitting again what he'd already told Babs, and what Tender figured out long ago, “I'm not happy with Sweetie Belle.”


Tender bit back the comment that danced across his tongue. ‘No shit bro! The bitch neither puts out nor respects you as a pony.’ No, he liked Button, and his friend had been in denial so long the truth had to be painful. Instead he did something he rarely did, he wrapped a hoof around his friend's shoulders and spoke softly.


“Babs really made you see what's going on, huh?”


Button sniffed, and leaned into the embrace. “Yeah, and you this morning. I was just a bit too stubborn to see my situation for what it truly is.”


That genuinely cheered Tender up, and not because he'd been proven right, but because he felt his friend could now find somepony else who deserved a great-ish guy like him. Also, he got his wingman back, and in time for horny season too, a nice bonus.


“Told you,” he joked. Giving his BFF another squeeze before letting go.


"So, Babs was actually helpful even if she was taken?"


‘Maybe I should actually give talking to the mares a try,’ Tender thought, seeing the potential of finding them useful for information gathering and not just foal bearing.


“She was,” Button let off a weak smile. “She was quite mad at me at first, but the more we talked about Sweetie, the nicer she got. She said she even has a friend who might like me.”


"Wait, seriously, there's a mare in town who has a crush on you?" Tender exclaimed in utter disbelief. That was news to him, but it made sense, sort of; he couldn't be the only pony in town who realised what a great stallion Button was underneath all his annoying habits.


“That's awesome! Who is it?”


"She wouldn't say." Button's smile waned a bit, but it stayed on his muzzle, as he was ever the hopeful one. "She said she wouldn't help me cheat, but if I ever broke things off with Sweetie Belle, she'd introduce us."


“Sweet!” Tender grinned. “Just tell her you dumped that stuffed up unicorn and go meet this mare.” To his disappointment, Button shook his head, the colt, too loyal for his own good.


“I can't just do that. I'll need to actually break up with her first.”


“Sweet, send her a letter today.”


“Face to face,” Button cut his friend off. “We've been together for years, I can't just end it with a letter. She hasn't been good to me lately, but she deserves as much. I deserve as much.”


‘Drat!’ But Tender couldn't really argue with that. Well he could, but knew a losing battle when he saw one… Some of the time anyway.


“So you'll be missing another season then?” Technically his friend could jump on a train, dump the bitch and be back in a couple of days, but he didn't expect that would happen.


Button nodded. “Seems that way. Probably for the best though.”


He shook his head. “I don't get you, it's like you're not even in season. Aren't you horny?”


“I am,” Button reluctantly admitted, not that his smell could be disguised even behind the cheap aftershave he wore constantly, even when it wasn’t mating season.


“But I've already missed four seasons, what's another one? Besides, I don't think it's right to just rush into things with this new mare either. I need some time to get over Sweetie, and then me and this new mare will have a whole year to get to know each other before we decide if we're right for each other.”


Tender shook his head and snorted, but in a friendly way. “You're crazy, but you do you.”


Button just smiled, that seemed to be it. It was kinda the outcome Tender had been hoping for. There was one more thing he needed though.


“So…” he began, “if you're staying chaste anyway, would you care to help a bro out? I'm not going to wait for the next season, and I could really use the help.”


That seemed to knock the gamer pony out of his serious mode and he grinned back at Tender. “Sure bro, you're going to need all the help you can get.”


The comment was meant to be a reassuring one, but the truth behind his best buddy telling him he had no game at the moment still stung him both mentally and in his stallionhood.


*****


It had already been late when they'd decided to venture into Ponyville again to try and charm the mares still out and about. However, within the few hours spent together, even Tender Taps had to admit that it had been a major catastrophe.


"Am I not attractive, or what's with these mares?!" the orange earth pony grumbled to himself as he walked down one of Ponyville’s many streets. He and Button had attempted to strike up conversations with the mares who had caught their eyes, even with Button not keen on pursuing any romantic adventures. Nonetheless, Tender had persuaded him to flirt with two mares before the night was over, and the brown pony had walked home.


Coconut Cream and Toola Roola had been nice enough to chat with them for a while, but had (understandably, in Tender’s mind) lost interest when Button had shown no interest in mating, which in turn would have made the two mares into broodmares. He himself had talked up Aura and Archer, but it’d ended much the same as with Tornado.


“Looking for perfection I assume… Can’t blame them really, considering the rules,” Tender Taps mumbled, thinking back on the history lessons Mrs. Cheerilee would give them a bit before mating season would arrive… Every. Single. Year.


*****


"Many thousands of years ago, ponies were feral creatures roaming the fields of Equestria. But as we grew sentient, two sisters emerged—one sister to watch over us during the day, and one during the night," Cherilee began, the students before her half-listening. It was the same story every time, so Tender didn’t regard it as something of great importance.


"Because Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ascended to alicorn status, they believed it their destiny to lead our kind into a better pony world. Progress came, but there was always one thing that held ponykind back: mating. Heat used to occur over a much longer period of time, from early spring to late fall."


Tender rolled his eyes. ‘Are these lessons so important? We’ve heard it time and time again ever since entering puberty.’ It felt repetitive as nothing else, but by Princess Celestia’s decree, it was to be retold every year so all students would remember.


"Back then, stallions would fight during this long period for the rights to mate with us mares. Meanwhile, mares would drop most of their duties as if they meant nothing to them and then scour Equestria for a partner. Progress took place during winter, while we regressed into our primal selves outside of the snowfall period, resulting in a sort of stagnation." Having finished walking up and down the rows of ponies seated, Cheerilee returned to the whiteboard, rolling it down to show the now much shorter mating period.


“To ensure our future, the two sisters cast a chastity spell on all of us, ensuring we couldn’t feel pleasure outside of one designated week of the year. Our world has been divided into three regions, each getting a week in which they can mate, with no one allowed to travel between said regions during this period.”


Tender looked out the window, the spring sun shining brightly as their chosen week quickly approached. “Same story, different year,” Tender mumbled quietly to himself.


“With the sisters watching over us, they ensure our instincts are kept at bay. This has made the world much calmer. Of course, in turn, said week has become a bit of a competition… but there is space for all to participate once of age, though I still strongly advise you all to wait until you have graduated fully… or until birth lays after graduation,” Cheerilee assured and half-way demanded, the mares looking around at the few stallions seated within the class.


‘Mares have always outnumbered us stallions tenfold, but that didn’t mean siring foals was guaranteed, of course,’ Tender had to remind himself.


*****


"Everypony can participate, my rump! It certainly doesn't feel that way," Tender mumbled under his breath. Looking down the lightly lit street, he caught sight of Rumble trotting back home, flanked closely by no less than Archer, Dinky Doo, Coconut Cream, Toola Roola, Tornado Bolt, Aura and Scootaloo. The mare’s seemingly almost attached to his sides.


"That little cheat... monopolising all the mares," he whispered harshly, a mix of anger and sudden sadness hitting him like a physical blow. Getting rocks stuck in his hooves would probably feel better, Tender concluded.


‘How dare he have so many mares at his whim, all ready to become his broodmares!’ The orange colt struggled with his inner turmoil, seeing how his childhood buddy’s seed was so wanted, while his own was left locked up and forgotten.


As he grumbled, he spotted yet another mare trotting towards Rumble and his flock of hens, one he recognized as Babs Seed.


‘Didn't she have a coltfriend? The shamelessness of the mares in this town!’


To his surprise, though, Babs simply strolled past the popular stallion without giving him any attention. ‘That was refreshing,’ the stallion thought, feeling a bit of relief on behalf of whoever Babs' coltfriend was… ‘Oh right, it’s that Featherweight weirdo.’


He followed Babs with his gaze as she trotted up and entered a building, one of the town's less reputable watering holes.


‘Well, Button did say she gave good advice,’ Tender thought to himself as he watched her cute rear end disappear between the western-style swing doors, which the owner always installed when the weather got hotter.


Ignoring Rumble and having a drink seemed like exactly the kind of example he should follow after a day like this.


Weighing his options, the orange earth pony couldn’t come up with any excuses as to why he shouldn’t get a little tipsy at the start of the weekend. Monday was still days away, so to relax his nerves with apple cider seemed like just the kick needed. Who knows, perhaps the orange mare would reveal a couple issues reminiscent of Button’s own issues, and in turn his lovely self could help her out in these trying times of the year.


…..


Upon opening the swing doors, Tender Taps was met with the sound of country music being blasted at maximum volume. It was a dimly lit bar (considering the darkness outside), but it nonetheless made for a comfortable environment.


There were ponies within which he could recognize, but the only one he could put a name to was Babs Seed. The orange pony, with her reddish-rose mane, was sitting at the bar, cider in one hoof and newspaper in the other. He took a deep breath and straightened out his posture before walking up to her. “Good evening, could I join you for a drink?”


A tired-looking Babs glanced over her shoulder, green eyes meeting purple ones. “Sure… if you've got bits to pay for a round of cider, that is,” Babs joked half-heartedly, yet still hoping that the overconfident stallion she called a friend would fall for the request.


With the practice of a longtime player, bits were tossed onto the counter before Tender had even placed his rump onto the chair. “I’ll have apple cider, and you?” He settled down, the wooden floor creaking softly under the weight being placed onto the metal bar stool.


“I’ll have watermelon cider,” Babs called out, finishing the apple cider she held in her hoof before laying down the newspaper.


The front-page cover showed off a large photo of the royal sister duo, the article more than likely telling about how they’d visit their region during mating week, purportedly for good luck. However, from what Spike had told them in class throughout the years, it was more than likely just an excuse to visit Twilight for a week.


“I didn't even know they made watermelon cider,” he said as the bartender began pouring.

“What can I say, I’m a big city gal, and we've got fancy taste,” Babs replied as she accepted the large glass filled with the red, bubbly liquid.  “Didn’t expect you of all ponies to go for apple cider, though.”


“Why not?” Tender said before his brain could catch up with his tongue, then his mood fell. “Right, Apple Bloom’s family makes this stuff.”


“Yeah,” Babs gave him a sympathetic look. “She told me about the breakup, sorry.”


Tender wasn’t sure how to respond; she just had to bring that up, didn’t she? Though he supposed it was his own fault for ordering that damned cider. He glared at the glass in front of him, wishing he’d gone for literally anything else, and preferably something much stronger.

“Wanna switch?”


He looked up at her. Babs, in turn, nodded down to her drink.


“So very much,” he answered, and pushed the offending glass over to her and grabbed the watermelon glass in return. “Thanks,” he said, honestly.


Maybe Button was right; Babs Seed had a lot more going for her than a mean mare attitude and the tenuous friendship they had built up while he was dating Apple Bloom.


“It’s okay,” she said, raising the glass of orange liquid, and took a sip. “I don’t mind apple cider, and you looked like you could use something else.”

He could, and he did. Raising the glass to his muzzle, he took a big sip and felt the flavour dance across his mouth. It tasted a bit artificial, but it was so sweet that it didn’t matter. He took another mouthful and swallowed with a pleased sigh.


“This was exactly what I needed, thanks,” he muttered, while glancing over at Babs. She was fidgeting with her own glass, having already drunk half of it. She looked like she had something to say, something uncomfortable. Tender perked his ears.

“I don’t know if this helps,” she began, giving him a sympathetic smile before adding, “but it wasn’t anything about you.”

“What wasn’t about me?” he asked, already guessing what she was referring to.


“You and Apple Bloom,” Babs confirmed, looking down at the wooden table. “She told me about it, and I thought it might help you get over it if you knew it wasn’t anything you did wrong. It was her that was the issue.”

Now, that was something Tender already knew, but it felt nice to hear. He’d had some creeping suspicions that he might’ve been at least a little bit at fault. That left the bigger question, though. “Why? If I’m such a great stallion, why did she dump me then?”


Babs looked quite apologetic and took another deep sip before answering. “It wasn’t about you,” she repeated. “She kinda got feelings for somepony else…”

Tender didn’t let her finish. “Isn’t that always the bucking case!?” he growled. ‘Buck Rumble, stealing all the mares for himself, even those that belonged to somepony else!’


“Finding a mate is hard,” Babs agreed. “It took me three seasons to find somepony as sweet and caring as Featherweight.”


‘Featherweight,’ Tender thought. Yet another stallion his age that had more luck than him. He downed the rest of his cider, hoping to numb his frustration, but it wasn’t enough. He looked over at his friend and grinned, though it felt more like a grimace.


“Wanna get drunk tonight?”


She appeared to think it over, then polished off her own drink. “You know what, sure. Might be the last time I get to drink in a long time.”


That’s what Tender was hoping to hear. He slammed another few bits on the bartop. “Four more of those watermelon ciders,” he ordered.


*****


Hours passed in the blink of an eye, with the rounds of cider consumed growing steadily. And with it, his emotions had become a mess. By Nightmare Moon herself, he was still angry at that charming dickhead called Rumble, and his frustration at not being able to attract mares had only grown. Yet, that wasn't the topic of conversation at the moment.


They’d started out chatting about the rules surrounding the mating season. Even though he thought it ridiculous, Babs had backed them, arguing the farming industry had historically benefited from stallions not being hurt every fall, and mares now being work focused.


Not wanting to anger the mare, Tender had let it go, not finding it worth it to convince the farmer otherwise. By the time their third round of cider had been drunk, the conversation had shifted to focus on himself, specifically the failing plans he’d made to try and get his hooves on some appealing pony rump.


She’d tried to help him along, assuring Tender that it wasn’t he who was the problem but rather the unfortunate circumstances of the season. The farmer argued that, since most of their birth year were about to move out, mares were flocking around their childhood crushes. And it just so happened that Rumble was one of those, as he’d become a Wonderbolt.


Reflecting on it, Tender felt a bit ashamed that he’d tried to flirt with her while she’d been trying to support him through his difficult situation. Nevertheless, the mare hadn’t seemed offended by his advances, just shocked that he’d go for a mare in a relationship.


Jokes about Feather striking him down from up high had ensued, not that he’d taken those very seriously as he’d focused on downing his fourth watermelon drink of the night.


That had been the night so far, and now they were talking about Featherweight and Babs Seed's relationship while drinking the seventh round of drinks.


“So anyway, when I got home from work, I found Featherweight all packed up and ready to fly off. The dork had even been writing a small letter when I’d opened the door. Now, I myself don’t know much about Pegasus culture, but he said that he needed his parents' consent before we could consummate our relationship during next week's mating season.”


Babs had been drinking as much if not more than he’d done, yet somehow she seemed only half as drunk as himself as she talked on and on about her relationship without stuttering.


“I did not think he would have such a large backbone when it came to this, even asking you to promise not to drink during any stage of the pregnancy,” Tender noted, surprised at how mature one of his classmates seemed to have become.


“The drinking part made sense. If I recall correctly, his mother actually apologised quite a lot about his large front teeth, saying she was sorry for having finished quite a few bottles of strawberry cider,” Babs noted, as she scratched the back of her neck.


“So, it’s coming from a good place, that I’m sure of,” Babs assured, while she laughed about her last night of drinking. By Celestia’s sun, he was starting to feel like the only pony around who hadn’t figured out his future… and those drinks.


The sweetness of them was starting to get to him; the watermelon flavour didn’t feel right on his taste buds anymore. He wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but he wouldn’t have minded if they had switched back to apple cider a few rounds back.


Midnight had come and gone, but even in his drunken state, Tender was still lost on what to do with his ever growing problem in finding a mare who’d want his foal batter.


“Last call!” The voice of the bartender and the little bell she rang jolted Tender back to attention. He looked over at Babs.


“One last round?” she asked.


Tender was about to reply in the affirmative, but the sweetness of watermelon cider lingered on his tongue, he'd already spent far more bits than he probably should have anyway. “Nah, I think I'm done with this,” he said, attempting to point at his glass and nearly knocking it over. “Too sweet for my taste,” he blamed, despite having already had seven rounds.


“Then I know just the thing,” Babs replied, her voice slurring just a bit as she reached for her bit purse. “Two GPA’s, please.”


Tender was about to object, but she shot him a look. “My treat,” she explained, “This might be the last thing I drink in a year or possibly more than one, so I want it to be a good one, and I'd like to do it with a friend.”


‘Friend?’ Tender thought as she slapped down enough bits to buy half a dozen of the cheap ciders, only to get two small bottles in return.


‘Is that how she thinks of me?’ He wanted to be mad about being put in the friend-zone by yet another mare, but it actually felt nice. Hanging out with her reminded him of the easy going relationship he had with Button Mash.


“To friendship,” he announced, taking the bottle and raising it for a toast.


“It's magic,” Babs agreed and clinked the bottles. “And to last drinks.”


“Maybe for you,” Tender grinned, and brought the bottle to his lips.


The look Babs gave him made him pause. “What?” he asked, feeling a bit ashamed. “We can't all be as lucky as you and Featherweight, let me have this.”


She looked like she might object, but then a smile spread across her muzzle. “Okay, good point. I got pretty lucky with him.”


“He got lucky with you too,” Tender said, and to his own surprise meant it.


“Thanks,” she said, giving him a smile, “I'm sure you'll get lucky too.”


That drained a bit of Tender's alcohol numbed cheerfulness, and reminded him of what a complete shit day he'd had. “Not bucking likely,” he muttered, and took a deep sip. The flavour hit him like one of Apple Bloom's kicks, strong and bitter, just like he felt.


“What is that stuff?” he coughed, trying to read the label on the bottle through his tears.


“Gryphonian Pale Ale,” Babs answered, giving him a hard slap on the back to help him with the coughing. “I guess they're a bit of an acquired taste.”


“Kinda like me then,” he grumbled. “I could make any mare happy, but no one wants to give me a try after the shit review Apple Bloom gave me.”


The next slap was a bit less friendly, the hit leaving a hoof mark on his back. “Careful there Tender, that's my cousin you're talking about.” The warning note in her tone made Tender sober up a bit. He hadn't meant it like that, well he had, but now he felt a bit bad about it.


“Look,” Babs began, letting her hoof rise from his back to rest on his shoulder. “I know she broke up with you at a bad time, but you two wanted different things, it was gonna happen sooner or later.”


“Different things yeah,” Tender snorted. “I wanted her and she wanted Rumble.”


“It's not Rumble,” Babs sighed, then stiffened as if she realised she'd said something she shouldn't have.


"It's not?" Tender pressed. "Every single mare in town is interested in him, well, except for you of course. If it wasn't for him, then the rest of us would have a shot."


“It's more complicated than that,” Babs tried to explain.


“It is?” Tender shot back, taking a sip from the vile drink, it wasn't that bad the second time around, the excessive bitterness felt right somehow.


“There's only a dozen eligible mares in town from our year who haven't left for the bigger cities, and all of them are fawning over one bucking stallion, leaving the rest of us dry. The only hope the rest of us have is to either get really super lucky like yours did, or get strung along and cheated on like Button.”


“Sweetie Belle cheated on him?” The shock was clear in her voice, prompting Tender to be a bit less bitter in his response.


“Well I don't know for sure,” he admitted. “But you gotta admit she treats him like shit.”


“It's starting to seem that way,” Babs agreed.


“He’s been loyal to her for four years and she won't even publicly admit that they're together. Button's a really great stallion and he deserves a lot better than to be strung along by a pony who lacks the bucking decency to properly break up with him,” he ranted, pent up frustration for his poor friend finding an outlet to vent.


“At least Apple Bloom didn't give me false hope.”


“So that's wh-” Babs clammed up, taking a deep sip from her bottle and looking around.


“What?” he asked.


“Nothing,” she replied.


Tender had been around the Apple Family enough to know that none of them could lie for shit, and Babs was clearly keeping something from him. He didn't need to force it out of her though, his mind made the connections by itself.


“No,” he breathed. It couldn't be, could it?


“Sorry,” Babs replied, doing her best to avoid looking at him.


“The little bastard…” Tender growled, his empathy for Button rapidly turning into jealousy.


“Apple Bloom broke up with me right before the season because she wanted to bear his foals instead of mine?!”


“No!” Babs put the bottle down and met his gaze. He was once again reminded that she wasn't just one of those simple mares.


“First of all, I don't think she was even thinking of Button when things fell apart between you two, and she definitely wasn't thinking about doing that with him.”


“Right,” Tender snorted, taking a derisive chug from his bottle. It burned all the way down.


“She doesn't want foals, Tender!” Babs proclaimed, throwing up her hooves.


‘Wait, what?’ “What?” he spoke out loud, the alcohol forcing the word out. ‘How can she not want to have foals? She probably just didn't want them with a loser like him.’


“Apple Bloom doesn't want foals,” Babs repeated steadfastly, doing her best to defuse the tension. “And she could tell it was something really important to you, so she broke things off so you could find somepony else.”


Could that actually be true? ‘No,’ Tender told himself. “Then she chose the worst possible time to dump me. I've become a mating pariah. I can't even get Rumble's leftovers!”


“What do you want me to say!?” Babs shot back, throwing up her hooves in frustration. “What if I took Rumble out of the gene pool, would that help?!”


“That'd be nice!” Tender finished off the dregs of his bottle, the last few drops tasted even worse, yeasty. “But it's not like that's ever going to happen is it!” He glared over at his deceitful drinking companion and noticed that she was blushing.


“What?” he asked, finding the sudden shift in her demeanour odd.


“It's not like that's a thing that could happen, right?” He tried again. She shifted, looking almost nervous as she finally met his gaze.


“Look, I'm only offering because I feel bad for you, and because I'll need the bits with the foal and wedding coming along.”


Tender was confused. “Offering me what?”


“Offering to fix your competition.” He wasn't entirely sure if she was being serious, she couldn't possibly be implying what it sounded like.


“You're not talking about killing him, right?’ Tender asked, now feeling genuinely scared. He wanted the bastard gone, sure, but that'd be taking it too far.


“No of course not!” Babs hurried to reassure him, “and keep your voice down!” She looked around the bar, it was almost empty at this time of the night, yet the music had been turned down and the bartender was always within earshot. “Okay… Keep your voice down, and let me explain,” she whispered, finishing off her own bottle and licking her lips like she actually enjoyed the bitter drink and yeasty taste at the bottom.


"Look, there are plenty of mares all over the town. Sweet Celestia, you stallions have it easy considering how many mares there are for each stallion out there," Babs started, the apple mare maintaining strong eye contact with the dancer before her.


"Yes, I know, Babs. For once, I actually listened during that lesson Cheerilee gave us. But it doesn’t change the situation. Ponies usually stick to dating within their graduation year, and as far as I'm aware, Rumble has charmed most of the mares left in town," he replied, uneasy under her intimidating gaze, as she still hadn’t explained what she meant earlier.


"Alright, I see your point. You probably won't get any tail until Rumble has flown off to the Wonderbolt academy and ponies have forgotten about your breakup with Apple Bloom, so, at best, a few years," Babs concluded.


“Oh buck me!” Tender whined, his already slim chances of getting to plant his seed this season vanishing completely.


"Tough shit buddy,” Babs shot back. “You got two options then, well three if you include stop whining. Either pray to Discord that he drops in and unseals your stallionhood and a mare's womb out of season, or find a way to make that Rumble stallion so unattractive the mares might see even you as a catch in comparison."


That statement, however, didn’t seem to improve the situation, as Tender’s head drooped onto the counter. The realisation that he might end up in a longer dry period than Button impacting his pride intensely.


"S-sorry... Anyway, I can't help you with your reputation; that's something you'll have to fix yourself, one way or another. But I can help you with Rumble, or rather, I can point you towards a solution to your problem.”


That seemed to have piqued his interest once again, as Tender’s ears perked up from their drooping position tightly against his head. "I'm listening."


"The mares are after him because they smell his virility and because-”


“Virility my ass. You should see us when showering after P.E. Babs, that colt doesn’t have much to-” A glaring look from Babs made him stop mid-sentence.


“You said you were listening, so listen. They can smell his virility and the fame they might get from having a Wonderbolt's foal. Ruining his career is out of the question; I wouldn’t want to ruin those wings anyway. Mmm, Pegasus wings...” Babs trailed off, imagining Featherweight enveloping her cold body during winter, the gentlecolt warming her up at his expense.


Now it was Tender’s turn to glare at her, the colt tapping his hoof against the counter to snap the mare out of her... night-dreaming.


Excusing her tangent, Babs returned to her previous explanation. “So that leaves you with just one option. You gotta somehow make the colt smell not virile, that way mares will not even consider him a suitable sire stallion to mate with.”


“Easy for you to say. What have you got planned? Spray him with some zebra potion so he smells like a skunk for the rest of the season?” The plan wasn’t half bad, though it’d have backfired in the long run when ponies found out he’d used such a childish prank on Rumble.


“Nice one, for a ten-year-old, that is. I know a pony who knows a pony, and they’ve told me that the massage clinic in the centre of town offers some special services.”


"B-Babs, I think the barmare is looking and listening in," Tender stuttered.


"Oh, don’t worry about her. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation here. Just ignore her. I’ve struck a deal to keep her quiet. Can’t say Feather was thrilled to hear it the first time. Understandably though, it’s not every day a stallion is told that his fiancée has arranged for him to sire a few foals with another mare," Babs said without thinking.


"Hey! Don't make me out to be the needy one here. He agreed to it once he discovered your fascination with stallions who enjoy breeding lots of mares," the barmare called out. A large blush enveloped the barmare’s entire face as she looked away. She refused to make further eye contact, simply continuing with her cleaning of the place instead.


Tender's head whipped back and forth, the slight blush on the barmare’s face intensifying his jealousy of the Pegasus.


Realising she had revealed too much, Babs reached out for one of his ears, which stood at attention, jutting into the air. Feeling a hoof on his ear, he was jolted back into the conversation as she forcefully recaptured his attention.


"The information about the massage clinic will cost you, and the service they provide, even more," Babs explained, silencing him when he attempted to ask about Featherweight.


Silence fell upon the bar, the stallion taking his time to think her offer over “I think I can afford it. My career at the Coloratura firm as a top dancer has given me a bit of wiggle room in my budget. At least something good came out of my relationship with Apple Bloom,” he noted.


“I still can’t believe Applejack and Countess Coloratura are childhood friends…” Tender mumbled to himself.


“Oh thank the moon!” Babs half shouted, “I guess we’ll both be fixing each other’s problems then.” She went on to briefly explain how she’d been in a bit of a pickle regarding a promise she’d made to Feather in regards to finding the funds for their wedding.


“So, putting the bits aside, the clinic offers what I can only describe as a hospital operation… Legal, of course,” Babs lied defensively, as she saw Tender raise an eyebrow in concern.


“Though it is done under the table, meaning Mayor Mare doesn’t know.”


“I’m not sure, Babs. This doesn’t seem like a good idea…”


“Do you want some tail or not?” Babs exclaimed, the stallion before her simply lowering his head in defeat. He’d be damned if a little hesitation were to ruin his chances at getting laid.


“Since both a stallion and a mare’s crotch are basically immune to both pleasure and, in turn, pain, the owners of the clinic have figured out that they can offer a special service for their male members, and the tables have a numbing spell just in case…”


Thoughts of lessons involving the royal sisters came to mind, with Tender remembering just how large a hoof they had in everypony’s lives, the chastity spell in particular the reason for this numbness all year around, including the inability to relieve any erections he got.


Tender almost felt bad that he didn’t have a paper and pen on him, the earth pony wanting to write down notes like how he did when practising his dance moves.


“The owners concluded that they’d be open to offering gelding services for members whom they fully trust, or for ponies who have agreed to this service through those members. And you, my kind stallion, are now being offered the option for Rumble’s nuts to be removed.”


“I, but, how will… Will he know that he’s getting gelded?” The questions tumbled out of Tender's mouth more swiftly than he could fully form them.


“It can be arranged for him not to know. I’ll just have to explain that he’s coming with friends, and that Rumble doesn’t wish for them to know about his gelding while it’s taking place… should work as a nice cover up,” Babs responded confidently.


Caught between a rock and a hard place, Tender wasn't sure of his next move. On one hoof, he wanted Rumble out of the gene pool like no other; on the other, he questioned if he was willing to go that far in order to simply spread his seed.


“You can bring Button Mash along, make it a guys night out in town,” Babs prompted. “They do the procedure close to midnight, kind of a last call for those wanting a massage before the season starts. That way, you can wander around town beforehoof and concoct a convincing cover-up story for Rumble and Button to believe in.”


Who was he kidding, his balls would be bluer than Buttons by the end of the season if he didn’t get any tail. Raising his hoof, he offered Babs a nervous smile. “Alright, I'm in. Let's thin out the competition.”


“Great!” Babs said as she shook his hoof with that farmer strength the apple family was known for, and Babs had built up ever since permanently moving to town to be with her beloved Featherweight. “Now I can finally afford all those toys for our honeymoon.”


“What did you just say?” Tender asked, overhearing the mare mumbling to herself.


“N-nothing. See you on Sunday.” And with that, she trotted away, departing through the swing doors with a sort of flair to her steps that would suggest that the past hours she’d spent drinking hadn’t happened whatsoever.


He waved goodbye to the barmare and made his way home, staggering from the bar and to his bed, somehow finding it harder to use his legs properly compared to the city mare.


*****


“Goooood morning, Tender,” Button said as he opened the door for his friend, then frowned a moment later. “Wow, you look awful. Are you okay?” Not even Tender himself was sure of what his grumbled reply was, but perhaps it was better that way. He needed Button’s help, and he was desperate to escape the blasted sunlight that was stinging his eyes.


He already regretted not wearing the one hat he owned. It had been a gift from Apple Bloom back when they were still dating and he hadn’t had the guts to throw it away after the breakup. He hadn't worn it since either though.


“Did you drink a lot last night?” Button asked, giving Tender a concerned look.


That, at least, was a straightforward question the very hungover pony could answer. He nodded emphatically, and then instantly regretted it.


“You’d better come in,” Button suggested as he stepped aside.  “Let me get you some water, and maybe some coffee,” he offered.


Tender hated coffee, way too bitter, though he’d take anything to alleviate this headache and nausea. He followed his friend inside, grateful to escape the sunlight.


“I’ve got half a pizza left over from yesterday,” the eternal gamer pony offered. “It’s almost lunchtime anyway, so let’s share it.”


That perked Tender up. Button’s homemade pizza was always a treat. The little nerd might actually become a great cook if he ever tried his hooves at something other than junk food.


“That'd be great, thanks,” he remarked, making his way over to the large couch. He sighed as he allowed himself to collapse on the soft piece of furniture. It felt great not to have to stand up anymore, and Button's home was cool and dim, which suited his hangover fine.


“You really drank a lot last night,” Button commented, watching his friend with some real concern in his eyes at how severe those bags the tap dancer had was.


“Eyupp.” Tender saw no reason to deny it. “I took your advice, and it went a bit too well.”


“My advice?” Button returned from the kitchen to put a large glass of water down in front of his friend. “I don't recall telling you to hit the bottle, definitely not this hard.”


“No,” Tender agreed, downing the water in one single go. It helped, a little. “But you did tell me to talk with Babs,”


“Great, so how did it go?” The gamer pony seemed to cheer up at this.


“It went really well,” Tender repeated, and shook his glass meaningfully for a refill. “Though that mare can bucking drink. I tried to match her, but by the time I couldn't anymore, she wasn't even slurring.”


Button rolled his eyes, but took the glass anyway and disappeared into the kitchen. They could still hear each other, even over the sound of running water. “What can I say, she's a sturdy mare!”


“Damn right,” Tender agreed. “Her foals are going to grow up strong,” he commented, though not fully believing it as he thought Featherweight a weak match for the powerful mare.


There was a clatter of plates and then the hum of a microwave being turned on before Button returned, full glass in hoof. “Damn bro, is breeding all you ever think of?” he sighed, passing over the glass to hopefully cool his friend off a bit.


“This close to the season? Yeah.” Tender saw no shame in admitting it. He was only a pony after all, a hot blooded stallion at that. “Everypony else is doing the same too. You see how all those mares are hanging over Rumble like he's a piece of cheese.”


“A piece of cheese?” Button tilted his head in confusion.


“Or something else that's irresistible,” Tender grumbled. “I'm hungover, give me a break. And the pizza smells amazing,” he added as the smell of high quality griffin cheese intensified, a second before the ding of the microwave declared that it was ready for him.


“Bring it over here.”


Button didn't bring it over though, instead he gave his friend a mildly annoyed look. “You could at least say please.”


That drew a chuckle out of the morbidly hungover stallion. “Please bring it over here, you little gamer bitch.”


“That's better,” Button let out a laugh in return and vanished back into the kitchen with a swish of his bushy tail. “Glad you're feeling better, you ungrateful shit,” he added cheerfully as he returned with two large slices of steaming hot cheesy goodness.


“Thanks.” Tender showed gratitude, dropping his joking tone before he dove into his meal.


“You're welcome, bitch,” Button teased as he brought his own slice up to his lips.


“No, I really mean it,” Tender said between bites, as a plan started to form for how he was going to set up the pieces for Babs Seeds’ plan. “You’re a really good friend.”


“Aw shucks, are you going soft on me bro?” Button seemed quite touched by the words, even if he tried to hide it.


“Yeah, and thank you for the pizza,” Tender admitted. “I feel like I should do something nice for you in return.”


“Oh you don't have to do that. You'd have done the same for me.” Button reached over and gave his fellow stallion a very friendly punch to the shoulder.


‘I would have,’ Tender admitted to his own surprise. He really would have, and that made the rest of what he had to say feel a lot better. ‘I'm kinda doing this for you too.’ “How about we hit the spa tomorrow night? My treat.”


“Good one,” Button chuckled in reply, and bit into his pizza.


“No,” Tender frowned, “I'm serious, let's take a spa day and relax.”


Button looked at his friend in surprise as he chewed. “Seriously?” he said once he had swallowed. “The spa? Have you ever been there before?”


“No,” Tender had to admit. Rats, this could derail his plans.  “But I've heard it's the best way to blow off steam, and you know how stressed out I am for the mating season.”


“No shit dude,” Button agreed with a sigh. “Why the spa though? Just bring over some cider and we'll play Colt of Duty all night like we used to. That'll relax you like nothing else.”


Tender had to admit that friendship and video games was a very tempting proposition, even if his body screamed at him that more cider was the last thing it wanted. If he hadn't met Babs last night and heard her plan, and paid a ton of bits for it already, then he absolutely would've taken his friend up on the offer. As it was, he couldn't. They could save that for after the mating season, this had to take priority.


“We can do that too,” he offered as a compromise. “Play games and have some drinks, and then we hit the spa in the evening.”


“You really are set on the spa,” Button commented, looking a bit suspicious. “Did you already buy tickets while you were drunk last night or something?”


‘Excellent!’ Tender couldn't have come up with a better explanation himself. He lowered his gaze and did his best to act a bit embarrassed. “I might have,” he lied.


“Dude,” Button exclaimed, “I was kidding! How did that happen?”


“Well, it was Bab's idea,” Tender invented. “She suggested it, and I was drunk enough that it sounded like a great idea, and one of the twins was in the bar so we talked. Long story short, yeah, I ended up paying for a spa trip tomorrow.” Button didn't reply, too busy laughing.


“Look, it was a really good deal okay!” Tender's cheeks flushed as he got defensive about his own made up story. It was a good one too, given he came up with it on the spot.  “I got three ponies for the price of one.”


“Yeah a great deal alright,” Button said as his laughter calmed down. “Then you can bring the two dates you don't have along to the spa for a romantic evening with yourself.” He broke down laughing once again.


“As I said I was drunk,” Tender defended. “But since that's not happening, I figured I'd bring my best friend along instead.”


“Seriously?” Button stopped laughing and looked at his friend, who shrugged.


“Why not? It's already paid for, whether or not I go alone or bring a friend,” Tender said. Technically that was even true.


“I mean, okay, why not,” Button noted, sounding a bit unconvinced. “Sweetie Belle used to visit the spa all the time, I guess I might as well come along and see what the hype is about.”


“That's the spirit,” Tender cheered. “It's good to try new things every once in a while.”


“I guess it is.” Button smiled back.


“Yeah, and speaking of new things…” Tender launched into the next stage of his hastily constructed plan. “I think we should invite Rumble as well.”


“Invite Rumble… You didn’t get a concussion last night by any chance?” Button asked, genuinely a little concerned at his buddy’s change in character.


“No!” Tender answered, his raised voice causing pain to shoot through his stressed brain, he really was hungover from last night, Tender noted as he lowered his voice. “What’s so weird about me inviting Rumble of all colt’s?”


"Oh, I don’t know, perhaps the fact that you’ve been trying to murder him with your eyes ever since Apple Bloom broke up with you," Button said, the stallion putting down his pizza plate to focus on his hungover friend.


Tender did the same before continuing, “Listen, if you can't beat them, join them.”


“What in the rotten horse apples is that supposed to mean?” Button asked.


“I clearly can’t out-woo the damn stallion so why not ask him for advice instead? If he can make us half as successful with the mares as him, then that's a win for us,” Tender argued, his buddy thinking it over for a moment as their pizza slices grew cold.


“Well… he’s never really been one for turning down somepony who’s asking for help,” the gamer mumbled just loud enough for Tender to hear. “Though you really think he’ll accept your request after all the stinkeyes you’ve given him?”


“Such a negative way to think buddy, of course he will accept my request for some advice. Especially after he hears that he can go to the best spa in town for free,” Tender raised his voice in excitement, the colt quickly regretting it as pain shot through him again.


"That is a good way to lure him in; after all, those spa trips aren’t cheap," the brown earth pony said with a raised eyebrow, not fully convinced that his best friend would use his hard-earned bits to buy a trip to the spa for three ponies.


"Exactly! Now, let's finish eating so I can get back to sleep," Tender blurted out quickly, indulging in the small feast in front of him before Button could manage to answer.


"What? I’m hungover like a young apple farmer who foolishly challenged another and much older apple farmer to a drinking contest."


Button responded with a small head tilt, not questioning his buddy’s mental and physical state as he could see the tap dancer swaying on the sofa.


To Be Continued…








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