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Raph made it to April and Casey's home, Casey had moved in after the wedding at the farm. They both looked surprised when Raph came into the living room, where he stopped running and just started to curse Splinter to hell, while he was walking back and forth. Raph tried to calm down enough to tell them what had happened, but his heart was broken and he was angrier, than he had ever been before. The combination of anger and heartbreak made his entire body shake, it felt like he was going to break into a million pieces, if he didn't stop shaking soon.\n\nIt took some minutes for him to calm down enough, to tell them what had happened, Raph turned towards them, they were sitting on the couch patiently waiting for him to tell them. Raph told them that he and his brothers had an intimate relationship, and that they had been keeping it a secret from Splinter, because they wanted to prove that it wouldn't cause them any problems, but Splinter found out and had gotten angry at them, telling them that it was unnatural and to break it off, and his brothers had agreed to stop their relationship immediately.\n\nRaph told them that he did not agree with them to stop it, therefor they got into a big verbal fight, and no matter what he did or said, none of his brothers would change their mind, therefor he told them that he couldn't stay with them any longer, and that was why he was there at their place now.\n\n``I don't want to hear that I should go back, because I can't, not without getting back our relationship'' Raph sobbed out loud, ``Raph, that was not what I was going to say'' Casey said calmly while getting up from the couch, Casey walked calmly over to his friend and gave him a friendly hug, ``maybe some time away from the city would be good for you?'' April said calmly, ``and go where?'' Raph asked confused, ``well, Casey and I are going to the farm tomorrow for two weeks, but we can just leave today instead. That is if you want to come along?'' April said with a small smile, ``okay with you, Raph?'' Casey asked with a smile, ``sure, let's go'' Raph answered with a sad smile.\n\nRaph helped them get the van packed and got himself in the back. As they drove out of the city, they heard nothing from Raph, not even a sound during the whole trip, April turned in her seat a few times just to check if Raph was still there, and he was. When they arrived at the farm, Raph got out and helped unpack the van, but he didn't say one word to them. April and Casey didn't like how quiet Raph was being, but they knew he was waiting until he would be alone, before he would cry or scream.\n\nDuring the two weeks at the farm, they hardly saw Raph or heard him. When the two weeks were over, they packed the van again, but this time without Raph, Raph was standing on the porch just watching them pack the van. Casey walked up to Raph and calmly asked ``want to come back with us?'' ``no, thanks Casey. I can't go back there again. Besides I'm not ready to deal with them'' Raph answered sadly, ``okay, well you can stay here at the farm for as long as you like'' Casey said with a small smile, ``thanks Casey'' Raph answered and gave a small smile, April had come up to them, ``well then, I guess we will see you again, when we come back'' April said before she gave Raph a hug, ``yeah, we will'' Raph answered with a sad smile. Raph watched his friends drive away, which made him sad to be completely alone, but it just gave him the opportunity to process things, at his own pace and way.\n\nRaph went to the bathroom and broke down crying, his knees gave in and he fell down onto the floor, he was shaking all over because of the pain in his heart, a pain that had become too much for him to handle. The pain and the shaking were all he could feel, that he didn't even know if he screamed or cried out loud, because he couldn't hear anything around him. It all came out at once that he suddenly passed out from it all. When he woke up in the bathroom, he saw that there was poo and pee on the floor behind him, he tried to get up, but his legs were shaking under him, therefor he had to hold onto the toilet as he started to slowly get up, but he found that his arms were just as weak.\n\nAfter he had gotten up and sit on the toilet for a few minutes, he got up slowly and went back over to the shower, and got the showerhead down so he could wash the pee and poo down the shower drain, then he took a shower himself. When he was done in the bathroom, he came downstairs and went into the kitchen in order to get something to eat, he found a bowl, a spoon, cereal and some milk and took everything with him to the dining table, where he sat down and poured everything into the bowl and started to eat. Once he was done eating, he cleaned up after himself and went outside.\n\nOutside the house looking around, he saw the sorry pieces of the barn, from when Shredder crashed April and Casey's wedding, looking at it made him sad, therefor he decided to make a new barn from scrap. Raph started with cleaning up the mess, and find out what could be reused, it was a project that took him months to finish, but when he was finally done with the barn, he held a solo fancy dinner to celebrate.\n\nAs time went by on the farm, Raph had made a new barn, a kitchen garden, a big greenhouse, a chicken coop and pen, a wall all around the entire property with rocks he had found, when he was digging a small but deep lake, and when he made an underground home for himself. Raph had also made all the furniture, that he needed for his new home. He had gotten a car up and working, that he used to get to the city, in order to get things that he needed, he even went to a closed down school, and got a lot of things that he could use, including a lot of books.\n\nAfter Raph had come back to the farm, with the books from the closed school, he was putting them in their new places, and he looked at the back of the book he was holding, on it he read *how to make alcohol from fruit and vegetables* Raph set the book aside and finished the rest. He took the book with him, and sat down in his reading chair and started to read the book.\n\nThe next day, Raph got up as usual and went to the barn to start making the things, that he would need to make alcohol himself. At first the plan was for him to get drunk, but he stopped that thought by thinking ^what good would it do to get drunk now?^ deep sigh ^well, I guess, I can sell the alcohol, and save the money for shopping important things later^ Raph made a small smile, he kinda liked the idea. Raph got back to work and each day seemed to be a little easier than the day before, even though his heart was still full of pain.\n\nOne morning, a little over a year after getting to the farm, Raph woke up and didn't feel well ^great I'm sick^ he thought annoyed, ``just what I need now'' he told himself with sarcasms. Raph tried to get out of bed, but he couldn't even lift his hands up to remove the blanket, therefor he gave up and stayed in bed. Moving just a little made him tiered and he was burning up, but he didn't have the strength to get up or call anybody, therefor he had no choice but to wait it out in bed.\n\nRaph fell asleep that first night of being sick, and in his dreams, he had a serious problem. There in front of him was a huge black and gray monster turtle, with red glowing eyes, that were staring right into his core. The monster never said a word to him, but somehow, he understood it anyway. Raph's first instinct was to fight the monster, but no matter what he did or how much he tried, it only made the monster stronger, faster and angrier at him.\n\nAfter being tired of trying to beat the monster in a fight, night after night, Raph was ready to try a different approach, one that he had never done before, ^but hey what do I have to lose?^ he thought to himself before going back to sleep. This time in his dream the monster was waiting for him like before, but this time Raph took his new plan into action, he sat down and started to meditate, the monster came over to him and started to scream into his face, but the screams got smaller and weaker as the monster got smaller and smaller, until it was turned into a crying turtle tot.\n\nRaph opened his eyes and saw himself as a tot, times four, and they were all crying their eyes out, ``hey what is wrong?'' Raph asked concerned, the first tot looked at him with tears running down his face, and said while trying to hold back ``Splinter made Leo the leader, but it made him stop playing with me, and...and now I miss him...I miss my brother.'' The second tot was also crying, ``why are you crying?'' Raph asked gently the second tot, ``Leo doesn't know when to be my brother anymore, it's like he is stuck in leader mode all the time now...I miss my brother'' the second tot sobbed. Tot number three was also crying, Raph couldn't help but ask gently ``why are you crying?'' ``Leo doesn't listen to me anymore, it's like he doesn't care about me anymore...I miss my brother'' the third tot cried, and tot number four, he too was crying ``why are you crying?'' Raph asked gently and a little scared of the answer, ``my brothers doesn't love me, but I love them so much. I don't want to be alone'' the fourth tot cried out.\n\nWithout thinking about the answer to the four tots, Raph said gently but confidently ``it is all right, none of it is your fault, so there is no reason to cry about it, yes it hurts but don't cry about it, because the problem is not with you, it is with Leo and it is okay to feel sorry for him, but there is nothing you can do about it now, so you have to leave it to me from now on, okay?'' the four tots looked at him and gave him a big happy smile, before they disappeared one by one. When he was alone again, Raph woke up again, but this time he wasn't sick anymore, Raph got up and took a shower after he had cleaned up his soaked bed.\n\nFrom that day on Raph had a new view on his life, and he had realized that he meant, what he had said to the four tots in his dream. ^The problem isn't mine, it's his and it is okay to feel sorry for him, and he needs to learn when to be a brother and when to be a leader, before he can learn when to be a lover. I hope that he can figure that out himself, before it is too late for him^ Raph thought while filling up a bottle with apple wine, that he had made himself last year.\n\nRaph had realized that he wasn't as stupid, as he original had thought, he might not be as fast as Donny, but he could still get the answer right, even though he couldn't use or understand all the big words Donny would use, but the more Raph read of the different books, the more those big words made sense to him. Raph started to study more and try things out, in order to find out if he liked doing them, and he found out that he did like to make things, just not technological things. What he liked to make was furniture, wine, food, books, music, medicine and cars. Medicine was something that he really liked to make, but not to use himself because he still didn't like the idea of becoming a drug addict, he had seen to many lives ruined because of drugs.\n\nHe had made his own infirmary and lab in his new underground home. His new home had four floors with room for up to 50 people, and everything they could ever need, in order to survive underground for years, because he had farming fields on one floor and another floor was only for storage, the last two were for working and living.\n\nTwo years after he had been left at the farm, April and Casey came to visit him, ``hey Raph'' Casey called out happy, ``hey Casey'' Raph said with a smile, Casey gave him a big hug while saying ``hey man, its good to see you again'' ``likewise Casey'' Raph answered smiling, ``hey April, what do you have there?'' Raph asked while moving towards her, ``oh you mean `who' is this?'' April said with a big smile, Raph turned and looked at Casey, ``you got a?'' Raph asked smiling, ``yes, we did'' Casey said proud, Raph came over to April and gave her a hug, before looking down into the carrier at the baby, ``boy or girl?'' Raph asked curious, ``a girl, her name is Sarah'' April answered smiling, ``Sarah is Hebrew for princess'' Raph told them while looking at Sarah with a sweet smile. He helped them unpack the car and get everything inside the house.\n\nOnce they were settled inside the house, in the living room, ``so how old is she?'' Raph asked calmly, ``she is almost two years old'' April said a little worried, ``huh, so that's why it took you so long to visit me'' Raph said smiling at Sarah, who was crawling on the floor towards him, ``you are not mad at us?'' Casey asked confused, ``why would I be mad? When I know a new born baby isn't easy to handle'' Raph told them calmly while keeping his eyes on Sarah. Sarah had reached Raph's left knee, and was starting to crawl up onto his lap, but he took her up into his arms as gently as he could, while April and Casey sat there looking at them and smiling sweetly, ``hey you'' Raph said gently to Sarah who was looking into his eyes with a smile.\n\nAfter Sarah had been put to bed, Raph helped them clean up after their dinner in the kitchen, ``well I have to go home and get some sleep too'' Raph told them calmly while walking towards the back door, ``hold on Raph. We need to talk about your brothers'' April said firmly, without turning around Raph said sadly ``my brothers are dead. Leo died when we were six, when he became leader and Donny and Mikey died two years ago, the same day as my father died. I only have four former roommates and my two friends are April and Casey. Goodnight you two, I will see you tomorrow after breakfast'' then he walked out the door and closed it after him calmly.\n\nThe rest of their visit was full of smiles and laughter, Raph helped with watching Sarah for them, and they didn't bring up his brothers again, not after finding out how Raph felt about them. The visit ended after Christmas was over, and they said their goodbyes to each other with smiles, then they were gone and he was alone again, but this time he didn't take it as hard. Raph went back into the house and cleaned it from top to bottom, before going back to his own home to do the same.\n\nThe next morning Raph woke up and started his day as always, with a shower and then breakfast, before going down to the farming fields and take care of them, when done there he went back up and took a second shower, then into the kitchen to make lunch, and then came the dojo to practice, before a third shower and then he could do whatever he wanted to do, until it became time for dinner, and then practice in the dojo again, before another shower and then came reading time until bed time.\n\nThe day before New Year's Eve, he heard a car pull up while he was in the barn, not sure about how it was, Raph decided to peak out the small window above the door, there he saw that it was Casey, Raph got back down and started to fill bottles again, then he heard the door open and close behind him. Without turning Raph said ``did you forget something, Casey?'' ``father is dead, Raph'' Leo said calmly, Raph stopped what he was doing for a moment, then he took the filled bottle and put the cap on it, without looking at them, ``how long ago?'' Raph calmly asked, ``the day before Christmas'' Donny said sadly.\n\n``So, what are you guys doing here?'' Raph asked them coldly, ``we want you back Raph'' Leo said sadly, ``we miss what we had together'' Donny said sadly, ``please Raph, come back to us'' Mikey almost cried, ``I'm guessing April told you, what I told her about how I feel about you guys'' Raph said almost coldly, ``yes she did and for a good reason'' Leo said calmly, ``why did you tell her that?'' Donny asked confused, ``why did you leave us? Don't you love us anymore?'' Mikey cried out loud.\n\nRaph tried to hold back the anger and pain, but he failed big time, he turned and looked at them and started to yell at them, everything came out all at once, ``you seriously think I wanted to leave you? That I wanted to stay there with him. That I wanted to stay there with you, and not be able to touch you, kiss you, make love to you or show you how much I love you, every day in and day out. You seriously think I would be able to live with that torture for more than one day!?'' Raph yelled at them while tears were running down his face, so badly that he almost couldn't see.\n\n``Oh Raph, we didn't know that you felt that way'' Leo said almost crying, ``why didn't you tell us?'' Donny asked sobbing, while Mikey just stood there silently crying, ``I tried to, but I didn't have the right words for it back then'' Raph said sobbing while trying to wipe the tears away. Mikey walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the mouth, while hugging him tightly, the others came over to them and hugged them both, Raph broke the kiss with Mikey and gave Donny a kiss, before giving Leo a kiss and then Mikey again.\n\n``You guys wanna move in with me? I got everything we need, except your personal things'' Raph said with a hopeful smile, ``sounds good to me'' Mikey said half sobbing with a smile, ``sounds good Raph'' Leo said while nuzzling his beak against Raph's cheek, ``sure would be nice with a new home, for a new beginning, but we will have to go back and get our things, that we want to keep'' Donny said while nuzzling Raph's other cheek, Raph smiled while saying ``I love you guys'' ``we love you too, Raph'' Leo said before he started to churr against Raph's neck.\n\nThe end.\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "``Raph, stay!'' was the last thing he heard from his brothers, as he ran away from their home. Raph made it to April and Casey's home, Casey had moved in after the wedding at the farm. They both looked surprised when Raph came into the living room, where he stopped running and just started to curse Splinter to hell, while he was walking back and forth. Raph tried to calm down enough to tell them what had happened, but his heart was broken and he was angrier, than he had ever been before. The combination of anger and heartbreak made his entire body shake, it felt like he was going to break into a million pieces, if he didn't stop shaking soon.

It took some minutes for him to calm down enough, to tell them what had happened, Raph turned towards them, they were sitting on the couch patiently waiting for him to tell them. Raph told them that he and his brothers had an intimate relationship, and that they had been keeping it a secret from Splinter, because they wanted to prove that it wouldn't cause them any problems, but Splinter found out and had gotten angry at them, telling them that it was unnatural and to break it off, and his brothers had agreed to stop their relationship immediately.

Raph told them that he did not agree with them to stop it, therefor they got into a big verbal fight, and no matter what he did or said, none of his brothers would change their mind, therefor he told them that he couldn't stay with them any longer, and that was why he was there at their place now.

``I don't want to hear that I should go back, because I can't, not without getting back our relationship'' Raph sobbed out loud, ``Raph, that was not what I was going to say'' Casey said calmly while getting up from the couch, Casey walked calmly over to his friend and gave him a friendly hug, ``maybe some time away from the city would be good for you?'' April said calmly, ``and go where?'' Raph asked confused, ``well, Casey and I are going to the farm tomorrow for two weeks, but we can just leave today instead. That is if you want to come along?'' April said with a small smile, ``okay with you, Raph?'' Casey asked with a smile, ``sure, let's go'' Raph answered with a sad smile.

Raph helped them get the van packed and got himself in the back. As they drove out of the city, they heard nothing from Raph, not even a sound during the whole trip, April turned in her seat a few times just to check if Raph was still there, and he was. When they arrived at the farm, Raph got out and helped unpack the van, but he didn't say one word to them. April and Casey didn't like how quiet Raph was being, but they knew he was waiting until he would be alone, before he would cry or scream.

During the two weeks at the farm, they hardly saw Raph or heard him. When the two weeks were over, they packed the van again, but this time without Raph, Raph was standing on the porch just watching them pack the van. Casey walked up to Raph and calmly asked ``want to come back with us?'' ``no, thanks Casey. I can't go back there again. Besides I'm not ready to deal with them'' Raph answered sadly, ``okay, well you can stay here at the farm for as long as you like'' Casey said with a small smile, ``thanks Casey'' Raph answered and gave a small smile, April had come up to them, ``well then, I guess we will see you again, when we come back'' April said before she gave Raph a hug, ``yeah, we will'' Raph answered with a sad smile. Raph watched his friends drive away, which made him sad to be completely alone, but it just gave him the opportunity to process things, at his own pace and way.

Raph went to the bathroom and broke down crying, his knees gave in and he fell down onto the floor, he was shaking all over because of the pain in his heart, a pain that had become too much for him to handle. The pain and the shaking were all he could feel, that he didn't even know if he screamed or cried out loud, because he couldn't hear anything around him. It all came out at once that he suddenly passed out from it all. When he woke up in the bathroom, he saw that there was poo and pee on the floor behind him, he tried to get up, but his legs were shaking under him, therefor he had to hold onto the toilet as he started to slowly get up, but he found that his arms were just as weak.

After he had gotten up and sit on the toilet for a few minutes, he got up slowly and went back over to the shower, and got the showerhead down so he could wash the pee and poo down the shower drain, then he took a shower himself. When he was done in the bathroom, he came downstairs and went into the kitchen in order to get something to eat, he found a bowl, a spoon, cereal and some milk and took everything with him to the dining table, where he sat down and poured everything into the bowl and started to eat. Once he was done eating, he cleaned up after himself and went outside.

Outside the house looking around, he saw the sorry pieces of the barn, from when Shredder crashed April and Casey's wedding, looking at it made him sad, therefor he decided to make a new barn from scrap. Raph started with cleaning up the mess, and find out what could be reused, it was a project that took him months to finish, but when he was finally done with the barn, he held a solo fancy dinner to celebrate.

As time went by on the farm, Raph had made a new barn, a kitchen garden, a big greenhouse, a chicken coop and pen, a wall all around the entire property with rocks he had found, when he was digging a small but deep lake, and when he made an underground home for himself. Raph had also made all the furniture, that he needed for his new home. He had gotten a car up and working, that he used to get to the city, in order to get things that he needed, he even went to a closed down school, and got a lot of things that he could use, including a lot of books.

After Raph had come back to the farm, with the books from the closed school, he was putting them in their new places, and he looked at the back of the book he was holding, on it he read *how to make alcohol from fruit and vegetables* Raph set the book aside and finished the rest. He took the book with him, and sat down in his reading chair and started to read the book.

The next day, Raph got up as usual and went to the barn to start making the things, that he would need to make alcohol himself. At first the plan was for him to get drunk, but he stopped that thought by thinking ^what good would it do to get drunk now?^ deep sigh ^well, I guess, I can sell the alcohol, and save the money for shopping important things later^ Raph made a small smile, he kinda liked the idea. Raph got back to work and each day seemed to be a little easier than the day before, even though his heart was still full of pain.

One morning, a little over a year after getting to the farm, Raph woke up and didn't feel well ^great I'm sick^ he thought annoyed, ``just what I need now'' he told himself with sarcasms. Raph tried to get out of bed, but he couldn't even lift his hands up to remove the blanket, therefor he gave up and stayed in bed. Moving just a little made him tiered and he was burning up, but he didn't have the strength to get up or call anybody, therefor he had no choice but to wait it out in bed.

Raph fell asleep that first night of being sick, and in his dreams, he had a serious problem. There in front of him was a huge black and gray monster turtle, with red glowing eyes, that were staring right into his core. The monster never said a word to him, but somehow, he understood it anyway. Raph's first instinct was to fight the monster, but no matter what he did or how much he tried, it only made the monster stronger, faster and angrier at him.

After being tired of trying to beat the monster in a fight, night after night, Raph was ready to try a different approach, one that he had never done before, ^but hey what do I have to lose?^ he thought to himself before going back to sleep. This time in his dream the monster was waiting for him like before, but this time Raph took his new plan into action, he sat down and started to meditate, the monster came over to him and started to scream into his face, but the screams got smaller and weaker as the monster got smaller and smaller, until it was turned into a crying turtle tot.

Raph opened his eyes and saw himself as a tot, times four, and they were all crying their eyes out, ``hey what is wrong?'' Raph asked concerned, the first tot looked at him with tears running down his face, and said while trying to hold back ``Splinter made Leo the leader, but it made him stop playing with me, and...and now I miss him...I miss my brother.'' The second tot was also crying, ``why are you crying?'' Raph asked gently the second tot, ``Leo doesn't know when to be my brother anymore, it's like he is stuck in leader mode all the time now...I miss my brother'' the second tot sobbed. Tot number three was also crying, Raph couldn't help but ask gently ``why are you crying?'' ``Leo doesn't listen to me anymore, it's like he doesn't care about me anymore...I miss my brother'' the third tot cried, and tot number four, he too was crying ``why are you crying?'' Raph asked gently and a little scared of the answer, ``my brothers doesn't love me, but I love them so much. I don't want to be alone'' the fourth tot cried out.

Without thinking about the answer to the four tots, Raph said gently but confidently ``it is all right, none of it is your fault, so there is no reason to cry about it, yes it hurts but don't cry about it, because the problem is not with you, it is with Leo and it is okay to feel sorry for him, but there is nothing you can do about it now, so you have to leave it to me from now on, okay?'' the four tots looked at him and gave him a big happy smile, before they disappeared one by one. When he was alone again, Raph woke up again, but this time he wasn't sick anymore, Raph got up and took a shower after he had cleaned up his soaked bed.

From that day on Raph had a new view on his life, and he had realized that he meant, what he had said to the four tots in his dream. ^The problem isn't mine, it's his and it is okay to feel sorry for him, and he needs to learn when to be a brother and when to be a leader, before he can learn when to be a lover. I hope that he can figure that out himself, before it is too late for him^ Raph thought while filling up a bottle with apple wine, that he had made himself last year.

Raph had realized that he wasn't as stupid, as he original had thought, he might not be as fast as Donny, but he could still get the answer right, even though he couldn't use or understand all the big words Donny would use, but the more Raph read of the different books, the more those big words made sense to him. Raph started to study more and try things out, in order to find out if he liked doing them, and he found out that he did like to make things, just not technological things. What he liked to make was furniture, wine, food, books, music, medicine and cars. Medicine was something that he really liked to make, but not to use himself because he still didn't like the idea of becoming a drug addict, he had seen to many lives ruined because of drugs.

He had made his own infirmary and lab in his new underground home. His new home had four floors with room for up to 50 people, and everything they could ever need, in order to survive underground for years, because he had farming fields on one floor and another floor was only for storage, the last two were for working and living.

Two years after he had been left at the farm, April and Casey came to visit him, ``hey Raph'' Casey called out happy, ``hey Casey'' Raph said with a smile, Casey gave him a big hug while saying ``hey man, its good to see you again'' ``likewise Casey'' Raph answered smiling, ``hey April, what do you have there?'' Raph asked while moving towards her, ``oh you mean `who' is this?'' April said with a big smile, Raph turned and looked at Casey, ``you got a?'' Raph asked smiling, ``yes, we did'' Casey said proud, Raph came over to April and gave her a hug, before looking down into the carrier at the baby, ``boy or girl?'' Raph asked curious, ``a girl, her name is Sarah'' April answered smiling, ``Sarah is Hebrew for princess'' Raph told them while looking at Sarah with a sweet smile. He helped them unpack the car and get everything inside the house.

Once they were settled inside the house, in the living room, ``so how old is she?'' Raph asked calmly, ``she is almost two years old'' April said a little worried, ``huh, so that's why it took you so long to visit me'' Raph said smiling at Sarah, who was crawling on the floor towards him, ``you are not mad at us?'' Casey asked confused, ``why would I be mad? When I know a new born baby isn't easy to handle'' Raph told them calmly while keeping his eyes on Sarah. Sarah had reached Raph's left knee, and was starting to crawl up onto his lap, but he took her up into his arms as gently as he could, while April and Casey sat there looking at them and smiling sweetly, ``hey you'' Raph said gently to Sarah who was looking into his eyes with a smile.

After Sarah had been put to bed, Raph helped them clean up after their dinner in the kitchen, ``well I have to go home and get some sleep too'' Raph told them calmly while walking towards the back door, ``hold on Raph. We need to talk about your brothers'' April said firmly, without turning around Raph said sadly ``my brothers are dead. Leo died when we were six, when he became leader and Donny and Mikey died two years ago, the same day as my father died. I only have four former roommates and my two friends are April and Casey. Goodnight you two, I will see you tomorrow after breakfast'' then he walked out the door and closed it after him calmly.

The rest of their visit was full of smiles and laughter, Raph helped with watching Sarah for them, and they didn't bring up his brothers again, not after finding out how Raph felt about them. The visit ended after Christmas was over, and they said their goodbyes to each other with smiles, then they were gone and he was alone again, but this time he didn't take it as hard. Raph went back into the house and cleaned it from top to bottom, before going back to his own home to do the same.

The next morning Raph woke up and started his day as always, with a shower and then breakfast, before going down to the farming fields and take care of them, when done there he went back up and took a second shower, then into the kitchen to make lunch, and then came the dojo to practice, before a third shower and then he could do whatever he wanted to do, until it became time for dinner, and then practice in the dojo again, before another shower and then came reading time until bed time.

The day before New Year's Eve, he heard a car pull up while he was in the barn, not sure about how it was, Raph decided to peak out the small window above the door, there he saw that it was Casey, Raph got back down and started to fill bottles again, then he heard the door open and close behind him. Without turning Raph said ``did you forget something, Casey?'' ``father is dead, Raph'' Leo said calmly, Raph stopped what he was doing for a moment, then he took the filled bottle and put the cap on it, without looking at them, ``how long ago?'' Raph calmly asked, ``the day before Christmas'' Donny said sadly.

``So, what are you guys doing here?'' Raph asked them coldly, ``we want you back Raph'' Leo said sadly, ``we miss what we had together'' Donny said sadly, ``please Raph, come back to us'' Mikey almost cried, ``I'm guessing April told you, what I told her about how I feel about you guys'' Raph said almost coldly, ``yes she did and for a good reason'' Leo said calmly, ``why did you tell her that?'' Donny asked confused, ``why did you leave us? Don't you love us anymore?'' Mikey cried out loud.

Raph tried to hold back the anger and pain, but he failed big time, he turned and looked at them and started to yell at them, everything came out all at once, ``you seriously think I wanted to leave you? That I wanted to stay there with him. That I wanted to stay there with you, and not be able to touch you, kiss you, make love to you or show you how much I love you, every day in and day out. You seriously think I would be able to live with that torture for more than one day!?'' Raph yelled at them while tears were running down his face, so badly that he almost couldn't see.

``Oh Raph, we didn't know that you felt that way'' Leo said almost crying, ``why didn't you tell us?'' Donny asked sobbing, while Mikey just stood there silently crying, ``I tried to, but I didn't have the right words for it back then'' Raph said sobbing while trying to wipe the tears away. Mikey walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the mouth, while hugging him tightly, the others came over to them and hugged them both, Raph broke the kiss with Mikey and gave Donny a kiss, before giving Leo a kiss and then Mikey again.

``You guys wanna move in with me? I got everything we need, except your personal things'' Raph said with a hopeful smile, ``sounds good to me'' Mikey said half sobbing with a smile, ``sounds good Raph'' Leo said while nuzzling his beak against Raph's cheek, ``sure would be nice with a new home, for a new beginning, but we will have to go back and get our things, that we want to keep'' Donny said while nuzzling Raph's other cheek, Raph smiled while saying ``I love you guys'' ``we love you too, Raph'' Leo said before he started to churr against Raph's neck.

The end.

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