There's a sudden shift around me. My eyes shoot open and my fur stands on end for a second. The room is filled with a cool light, and there is a drizzling, quiet rain on the roof. Liam is still hugging me against him, and I slowly find myself calming down again in his arms. I take a deep breath in and instantly smell a strong and familiar, but still disheartening, smell of urine.
I feel a stickiness on my thighs that I've grown used to recently. I glance down and see my soaked pink undies and, even worse, the amber stain of pee on the bed around my thighs and slowly soaking into Liam's boxers. I cringe when I realize that I've absolutely drenched the bed much more so than I have my own bed recently.
What was I thinking!? How could I be so dumb? Why would peeing in Liam's bed make him treat me how I want? What have I done!?
I feel myself shaking with regret and self-disgust as Liam slowly shifts and stretches himself, partially waking up. Before his eyes even open, I hear him take in a deep breath that cuts off half way through. His hand runs down my back and then moves to feel the bed between us. It sinks right into the pool of pee that's formed between our mutual weight.
Touching the stale urine definitely wakes Liam up, as he removes his hand quickly and slides back, revealing the drenched damage that I've done to his bed and both our underwear.
Suddenly, Liam asks, "Caleb, did you-"
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" I gasp, cutting him off, not knowing what else to say. I shut my eyes, feeling nothing but shame and embarrassment. I feel a hand on the back of my head. It runs through my mane and then lightly rubs my upper neck. I grow more and more exasperated, failing to think of anything besides how stupid I am.
I hear him whisper, "It's okay… Caleb, accidents happen. You're okay."
I can't think anything other than what I rasp out, "I- I'm so dumb! I'm so weird! … I can't even hold my own pee!"
"Caleb," Liam says, his voice pitching with surprise, "you are a wonderful and smart little brother. I promise it's okay."
I feel a blush rush across my face again. I only half believe him. He's a brilliant older brother. How can he be so wrong about me? I deadpan, "it's… not… okay…"
Liam pulls me in close and hugs me, ignoring the puddle still soaking our lower halves. I hold myself still and sulk into him. I don't know what to do. Everything sucks, and I have no idea what to do.
"You are wonderful. You know that, right?" I hear Liam's words whispered carefully all around me. I shudder and stay curled into him, silently sobbing with no words to answer.
He holds me there, rocking slightly, for a few minutes. I can hear him trying and failing to say things. He's never at a loss for words, always eloquent and well spoken. But now we're just a mess, cuddled together and crying in sopping wet sheets.
Finally, he whispers, "Caleb, you are so strong. You are so big. Thank you for making it this long…" He cuts off again. I feel a cringe run through me as he says that. That's exactly what I don't want to be right now. Not big. Not strong. Not... alone?
"Please talk to me." Liam says.
I choke on my tongue and force myself to blurt out, "I don't want all this."
"Don't want what?" Liam asks, perplexed.
I croak out, "I don't want all this responsibility. I don't want to feel like I have to be big all the time. I don't even want to feel like a big kid anymore."
I swear I can feel his confusion as he continues to hold me silently. I'm almost hyperventilating and hiccuping with anguish, still no tears forming in my eyes and my mouth and nose feeling dry and gross. I quake in Liam's arms and try to pry myself out and back into the conversation.
I whisper dryly, "I need your help, Liam."
Liam returns quickly and with a curiosity in his voice that catches me off guard, "What can I do? What do you want?"
At a peak of gasping, I blurt out, "I want to cry again- I want to be small again- I want- I want them back, but I can't- I can't have any of that." I look at the ceiling, half-determined to finally ask him to spank me. To help me cry and then treat me like the kid I wish I still was.
"I want- I… eh-I…" I blush and stammer. I can't just ask him to spank me, can I? He's my brother. I feel so weird. So alien. So gross and stupid. Why do I want him to spank me so bad?
I do want him to, though. I want him to be in charge. I want him to protect me and take care of me. I want him to let me be small and safe. I want him to help me feel things again. I want him to spank me. I really, really do.
But I can't get myself to say it. I'm stuck in my head. My dumb, stupid little head that can't even go one night without wetting the bed. That can't even feel bad anymore. That can't even cry.
"Caleb," Liam interrupts my thoughts, "I can see that look on your face. Please don't lay here thinking bad things about my little brother. He's amazing, and I love him very much."
I choke up at that. My heart beats too quickly, and my stomach hurts. He can't possibly understand the weird stuff I want.
His paw tightens slightly on my back, and I sense a frustration from him that I never have before. He takes in a deep breath and returns to his usual calm self as his muscles relax again. He whispers daringly, "I know you have lost something that is- is irreplaceable. But… you are my little brother, and I am going to try. I will get you anything you need. I do not care if it is dumb. I don't care if it's weird. What is going to help you?"
"You won't understand," I sob.
He pulls me in as close as he can, completely ignoring the urine sloshing about beneath me. He holds me tight and pushes his forehead against mine. He whispers, "There's nothing I won't understand. I promise."
A warmth grows through me despite myself, like a sudden comfort and safety I didn't expect to get from Liam. His sincerity and compassion is plainly obvious as he holds me close to him in spite of my grossness. I slowly feel myself calm down. With Liam reassuringly scratching between my shoulders, I reluctantly whisper, "Could you- could you maybe- maybe… spank me?"
There is a heavy pause in the air before Liam whispers back, sounding somewhat confused, "... spank you?"
I feel suddenly compelled to give a reason, and I try to say the first thing that comes to mind, "I've- never been before, but I've always heard that- that people cry when they are. I can't even cry anymore… I- I really want to cry again." As I say that, I feel like I'm partially lying, but I don't exactly know why I want him to spank me so much. I add, hoping to clear my conscience, "I want to feel sad and not just be sad."
There is another pause that hangs for several seconds. I feel my heart starting to beat faster again, and my blush continues to grow. I tighten my closed eyes, not wanting to see Liam's reaction.
"Okay." Liam's voice cracks into my thoughts like thunder. I almost jump with so many confused emotions.
"Okay?" I whisper back.
"I would have never expected you to ask me to spank you. But if it is what you need, then okay. We can try it." Liam whispers back, hints of confusion and reassurance coming through his usual calmness. He tightens his hug around me and rubs his forehead against my hair.
"Right now?" I ask, my voice peaking with excitement and relief.
"Okay," Liam returns slowly, but he doesn't move to sit up. Maybe he's still confused by this, too. After a few more seconds of cuddling, he separates us and begins to sit up. The clammy wetness of the bed and our underwear is beginning to dry, but it is certainly still present as the smell of urine hangs in the air. Liam props himself up on an arm and looks me dead in the eyes.
"You're sure about this?" He asks.
I nod and whisper, "yes."
"Okay, get on over my lap then," he says, and he pushes off the covers and sits up completely with his knees crossed for me to lay on. I realize now just how much taller he is than me. He grabs a pillow and puts it on one side for me to lay on.
I slowly crawl across his lap, feeling my tail wag slightly. I lay down on my stomach across his lap, most of my torso easily fitting, with just my head, neck, and arms hanging off the front and my legs hanging off the back. I hug into the pillow and bury my face into it. My tail involuntarily swishes through the air up and against my back.
I feel Liam's hand softly touch my tail and run up it to its base, leaving his hand covering the top half of my butt over my underwear and holding my tail safely away. I hear him say calmly, "Now, if it's too much, or if you want me to stop for any reason, just say 'blueberry,' okay?"
I nod my head firmly into the pillow and muffle, "mhmm."
I feel his other hand move to my tail to carefully hold it away against my back. Maybe it's even holding me down slightly, though I don't know if that's intentional. His hand on my rump lifts off my underwear.
There are several seconds of complete silence as I wait for a queue, a signal of some kind from him that we are about to begin.
Suddenly, there is a slicing swish through the air, and THWACK! Liams paw comes down firmly across the middle of my butt. I feel an immediate pulsing sting through my damp undies. Liam lifts his hand once more, and a few light throbs of pain quickly dissipate through my rump before it feels like not much has happened. More seconds go by, and I lay here not particularly sure what to expect. I feel Liam shift a bit under me, probably making his swing easier. After what feels like a half minute with no developments, another swish is met by a SMACK! into my butt. This time, just the left cheek. A few more seconds and the pain disappears before WHAP! into my right cheek. Liam's hand lifts and I expect another pause to recover, but I am instead instantly struck by another THWACK! across both cheeks. I tense for a second and almost jump, but the hand on my back stops me flat and holds firm. There isn't enough time to catch my breath before WHAM!, SLAP!, and then SMACK! as Liam strikes my right then left cheek then both in quick succession. I gasp as the sting in my butt doesn't subside but instead begins to amplify with each strike. He keeps up this rhythm of left right both right left both left right both right left both for many strikes. I lose count almost instantly and get lost in this new, strange pain spreading over my butt. I feel a surge of excitement and energy rush through me, causing me to wriggle and tense my legs every few hits.
My butt keeps stinging more and more as Liam continues his rhythm without changing much for a few minutes. It hurts, but it's not going to make me cry any time soon. I whisper meekly, not really sure if Liam will hear it, "h-harder…"
Liam doesn't respond verbally, but instantly the smacks almost double in speed and intensity. Before, I thought grabbing uninterrupted breaths was hard, but it quickly becomes impossible as I mewl and squeak with each hit. The pattern continues like before, but with every few repetitions it feels like Liam ups the speed or strength slightly. The pain in my butt goes from a slow, even, building burn to a chaotic fire that jumps and splits to either cheek with each new strike. Now, thuds of Liam's paw on my briefs echo and dance around the room.
As I hear the hollow echoing, the thought occurs to me that this could escalate further easily. There's still a layer of protection between my butt and his hand. I could ask him to take them off. But that feels even more weird than everything that's already happening. I don't want to spoil this. I already spoiled this morning with my plans. Maybe I shouldn't ask. Wait. Liam isn't hitting right now. What's-
My mind spins as I feel the hand that used to be on my tail move down to the brim of my undies. In one smooth motion, Liam slips the damp cloth off and down to my ankles. How did he know? Should I-
Before I can finish the thought, he returns to his spanking position and smacks just as hard as he'd left off across my whole butt. The pain is far sharper than before, and I let out a yip in surprise. Liam wastes no time in continuing. The spanks return with even more speed and intensity than before, now ringing off the walls like whip cracks.
I lose my analysis and processing, just feeling the intense and again new stinging and igniting of my butt. The pain is now more than I expected and quickly becoming more than I can handle.
The threshold at which I can bear to sit still and be calm goes by before I even notice, and I realize that my legs are wiggling and shaking. My whole body is trying to fight off Liam's hand, but he just holds me firm and continues to ramp up the swats. I start to gasp and wince with each smack, my body trying in vain to fight as an inferno opens up on my rear. I can no longer focus on anything but the pain. The roiling, boiling, and ever increasing burn that now encompasses my whole experience. Suddenly, it's like my body gives in. Everything besides my butt goes numb, and I can't tell if I'm thrashing or just suddenly still and accepting the beating. The fire on my butt continues its ballet as my mind wanders and focuses on nothing in particular.
A thought surfaces. A thought that I believed up until now I had at least processed, but that had really been buried and hidden away. My mom and dad are gone. I don't know exactly what happened to them when they left for that drive, but they are gone and never coming back. The loss and fear wash over me again. The pain in my butt is suddenly nothing compared to the pain I feel all over. In my heart and in my head. The fire of before is replaced with a black, biting necrosis that eats and tears away at my bones and my soul.
Then, it happens. Steaming, hot tears burst like a clogged and redoubled dam. They rush from my eyes and wet my face and nose. I feel a snotty, hiccuping wail emerge in my throat and rip its way out of my mouth.
I regain my senses and feel what feels like a final spank wring through my thoroughly smarting butt. Returning to the world does nothing for my heart, though. They are still gone!
My body continues roiling and gnashing at everything around me. I flail and wrack my bones indiscriminately across Liam's lap. I cry out, "Th-th-they-they're g-go-ooone!" I cry out unintelligible words of loss and anguish that I can't even remember the moment I've said them. I cry out again and again, but it does nothing. 
Liam yanks me into a hug that seems haphazard and rushed compared to his normal composure. I feel him try to pull my soiled briefs back up, but he stops after several failed tries due to my flailing and shaking. Sitting back onto the bed, he works me into the fetal position and pulls me back onto his lap. He cradles me into his chest, and I bury my face into his fur. Snot and slobber rub off my face into his fur as I shake against him.
Liam cuddles me and rubs my back and shoulders randomly.
My head feels buzzy and blurry. I can barely focus on anything but the few thoughts in my head screaming to be told to Liam. Through sobs and hiccups, I slowly get out, "I… I waaant youuuuuu to make the ruuulesss. You're in ch-chaaarge. I just waant- to be a-a- little kid- agaaainnn…"
Liam hugs me tighter and tighter with each sob. I can hear a small sniffling coming from him as well. We just hold ourselves against each other and cry. The weeks of tears backed up behind my eyes flow for minutes upon minutes, and I wail into Liam's chest, finally feeling catharsis. My muscles shake, but they feel looser than they have in years like pound after pound of stress and sadness are tumbling off them.
After what must have been several minutes, my thoughts begin to return to me with clarity and fervor. I needed this. I need this. I'll just be a little boy, and Liam can be my big brother again.