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  "description_bbcode_parsed": "<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'>A monthly Patreonomicon by the leggy who has a successful line of paperback romance novels under the penname &#039;Juggalina Gazongas-Melon&eacute;s&#039;: \r\n\t\t\t\t\t<table style='display: inline-block; vertical-align:bottom;'>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<tr>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<td style='vertical-align: middle; border: none;'>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div style='width: 42px; height: 50px; position: relative; margin: 0px auto;'>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a style='position: relative; border: 0px;' href='https://inkbunny.net/Rodicle'><img class='shadowedimage' style='border: 0px;' src='https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/258/258051_Rodicle_legs_portrait_0.3x.png' width='42' height='50' alt='Rodicle' title='Rodicle' /></a>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t</div>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t</td>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<td style='vertical-align: bottom; font-size: 10pt;'>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style='position: relative; top: 2px;'><a href='https://inkbunny.net/Rodicle' class='widget_userNameSmall'>Rodicle</a></span>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t</td>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t</tr>\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t</table>! Yaaaay!<br />Subscribe to his <a href=\"https://www.patreon.com/rodicle\" rel=\"nofollow\">Patreon</a>! There&#039;s free* candy**! [Citation needed]<br /><a href=\"https://www.patreon.com/rodicle\" rel=\"nofollow\">https://www.patreon.com/rodicle</a><br /><br /><br />The only thing Carlos loves more that skating is a frosty 69 oz. Blazin&#039; Blue Raspberry&trade; Tender Leaf &amp; Bark flavored <strong>BIG SUCC&trade;</strong> from the local FoxxoMart. And the only thing he likes better than that, is to buy a <strong>BIG SUCC&trade;</strong> and then indulge his semi-aquatic nature and swim naked through the creeks and marshes of the vast redwood forest surrounding San Tejon. Although Carlos doesn&#039;t mind anyone seeing him in the buff, the FoxxoMart sometimes won&#039;t sell him anything if Lil Carlos is hanging out so he&#039;s taken to wearing his waterproof turtle shell backpack to stash a pair of undies in.<br /><br />While there are tons of rumors about Strange Happenings in the San Tejon State Forest, the mellow Carlos sometimes spaces out while slowly swimming with his cup balanced on his head and doesn&#039;t realize he has floated through a portal to another time or place.<br /><br />The last time this happened, Carlos ended up swimming into a magical vortex and spent several days swimming through the rivers of Sengoku Era Japan, where superstitious locals misinterpreted the blue liquid in his <strong>BIG SUCC&trade;</strong> as a bowl containing his mystical life force and mistook his backpack for a shell. Eventually, he was caught in a net by fishermen and dragged before the local <em>daimyo</em>, Lord Ōkami-Ise Nobunaga. Carlos tried to explain that he might have accidentally swum too far and &#039;ended up in like, Mejico or something&#039; but his excellent command of Spanish got him nowhere, and seemed to just further infuriate the robed wolf and his armored red panda samurai.<br /><br />After a few days, a Foxciscan missionary, Fra Xaviar Fofintufo, was brought to Carlos, who was temporarily quartered in the castle moat, where Carlos did his best to communicate with the lusit&atilde;o speaking friar and managed to convince the <em>daimyo</em> to release him into the nearest river. While Carlos eventually found his way back to 20xx San Tejon thanks to a studly teen mongoose <em>yamabushi</em>, tales of the &#039;kapi&#039; spread and after some linguistic shifting, Carlos was remembered in Japan as the &#039;kappa&#039;.<br /><br />Pictured: Carlos poses in front of the Super!Dragon-chan Sushi Buffet &amp; Low Budget Cosmetic Surgery Clinic, where the red panda owners ply him with free spicy bark rolls for good luck. Carlos is also pretty sure he lost his shoes again somewhere.</span>",
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