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The ermine boy was about my height, but far more slender (though that wasn’t a high bar). His long, flexible body was covered with snow-white fur from tip to tail. He leaned himself against me, head on my shoulder, sporting that desperate look on his face that I enjoyed so much, the one he always made when I was rubbing or sucking him in just the right way. His deep black eyes kept rolling back into his head as he let out cute little moans. His dick, much like the rest of him, was long, slender, and one of my favorite things to look at. As I kept rubbing him, enjoying his erratic gasps and twitches, he planted small, affectionate nips on my neck and cheeks.\n\n\tI, on the other paw, was Elliot’s total opposite in all of the worst ways. I was a cat with a vein of ugliness running down my face. I hadn’t even been cute as a kitten, and I hadn’t thought that was possible. My long tabby fur was dull and unremarkable, but at least it helped hide the rolls of fat on my stomach. My dick reminded me of one of those miniature soda cans, short and overly thick. As awful as it was, I hadn’t gotten off in about a week, and Elliot was doing his best to fix that. My knees started to shake as he tugged and squeezed me, then planted a kiss on the back of my neck.\n\n\tI felt a stab of guilt at that. As much as I liked being intimate with him, my boyfriend probably hated touching me. He was nice enough not to say anything about it to my face, to avoid hurting my feelings, but I could tell. I redoubled my own efforts, stroking his dick with deep, long motions and enjoying the little wiggles that ran through his needy body. As much as I wanted to cum, focusing on him made this whole experience a little easier for me. \n\n\tElliot was pretty close as well. He’d scrunched up his face in the way he always did when he was trying to hold back an orgasm. I leaned in close to him, nuzzling my face against his. “Enjoying yourself?” I murmured.\n\n\tElliot mumbled incoherently, trying and failing to force words out through the pleasure coursing through him. My heart melted a little, glad that he was comfortable enough to show his lack of control like this. Snuggling deeper against him. I felt myself starting to peak. I felt my own control on my loins start unlocking as Elliot’s paw kept caressing me. Almost, almost…\n\n\tElliot jerked against me, throwing his head back and groaning loudly as he started to cum. He cried out my name, “Corey, Corey!” as ropes of his seed splashed onto my fur. He’d completely lost control of himself, which was incredibly sweet, but it also meant that he’d lost his grip on my dick. Dammit. \n\n\tI pulled him into a tight hug and snuggled into his bed. As subtly as I could, I pulled my goin away from him as I leaned in for a kiss. His lips met mine in a hungry but tired haze, and his arms wrapped around me. I hadn’t cum, but that was fine. Elliot would be totally spent after his orgasm, and it was enough that he was willing to touch me at all. To expect him to continue when he wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore was ridiculous. \n\n\t“God you’re good at that, hun.” Elliot said as he broke the kiss. He snuggled closer to me, trying to wrap our bodies even closer together. “Do you need to keep going?”\n\n\t“No, I’m spent.” I lied, ignoring the painful tightness in my groin. “We can rest for a few minutes.” I paused, running a paw gently along the side of Elliot’s jaw. “…We’ll have to work on your English essay at some point, though.”\n\n\t“Noooooooo...” The ermine whined softly. “I need at least ten minutes. Maybe fifteen.” He nuzzled against my chest, closing his pretty blue eyes. We had a few hours before his parents would be home, so I let him doze off next to me, doing my best to relax my protesting lower half.\n\n\tBy the time I roused him to clean up, I had mercifully gone soft again. Between his natural musk and the even more pungent scent of his cum, a post-sex shower was mandatory. Elliot’s room had its own private bathroom, and while the shower was a tight fit for the two of us, we made it work. He’d have a much easier time with someone skinnier, though. Once we were clean, and with a few sprays of deodorizer for the bed, we could move on to my boyfriend’s least favorite pastime, literary analysis.\n\n\tElliot’s desk was haphazardly piled with his math and science textbooks, coupled with several pop science books about space and robotics. On the second shelf was a box set of ‘Space 1992: Rise of the Chaos Wizards’ DVDs, a sci-fi series that Elliot had been trying and failing to get me into since we were 9. Having retrieved his thick-rimmed glasses, he was staring at his incomplete essay like it had stolen his lunch money.\n\n\t“I can’t believe they’re making me write 5 whole pages of this.” Elliot grumbled to me. “I have the prettiest cat in the world next to me, and I have to write about what the flowers mean instead of smooching him. It’s outrageous. It’s unfair!” I laughed at his little joke, but still felt a sting, knowing that he was probably making fun of me.\n\n\tThe next hour passed easily, despite Elliot’s frequent complaints that symbolism was some kind of war crime. This was one of the few subjects where I earned higher marks than he did, and I was able to gently guide his essay into something halfway decent. \n\t\nWith little left to do, I’d been pulled into one of Elliot’s frequent kissing breaks (“I need them to focus!” He insisted). Glancing at the clock, I saw that his parents should be home sometime in the next 15 minutes. “Looks like I need to get going.” I said sadly, gathering up my supplies in my bag. \n\n\tElliot reluctantly walked me to the front door. “Be safe walking home. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he said as he pulled me into a goodbye hug.\n\n\t“I will. See you.” I replied. I attempted to pull away to leave, but he stubbornly refused to let go.\n\n\t“Corey, can I ask you something?”\n\n\t“Hmm?” I was perplexed. Elliot was rarely the shy one, but he was blushing beet red and burying his face in my shoulder. “What is it, El?”\n\n\t“Well… I was able to get a bottle of lube from my sister’s old room. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to try, like, actual sex? I-I just really like your butt, and, well...”\n\n\tI froze as he trailed off. I knew that I should be excited that he wanted to keep being intimate with me, but something about it scared me deeply. I’d thought about putting stuff, usually Elliot-shaped stuff, inside me, but I’d never actually tried anything. The closest thing I’d gotten was one of my fingers, which had been both gross and painful. Would Elliot think I was gross? Would it hurt when he-\n\n\t“Only if you want to!” Elliot blurted out. I hadn’t even realized I had gone silent for a few seconds. “I know it’s a big step, and we can absolutely wait if you’re not ready. I’m totally happy with what we do now, and I want you to-”\n\n\t“I’d love to.” I choked out, plastering a fake smile on my face. My mind helpfully filled in what Elliot had been about to say, I want you to do something useful in bed for once. I was so scared that I wanted to break down and cry, but I wrestled down my fear and buried as deep within me as I could, where it couldn’t disappoint the boy I loved. “That sounds wonderful El! I’m really excited, see you tomorrow!”\n\n\tI pulled him into one last hug before I left the house. El’s parting smile faltered at the edges. He must be worried that I’d do something to ruin our special day tomorrow. Walking home with a lead ball in my stomach, I swore to myself that he’d enjoy our first time, no matter what.\n\n-----\n\n\tMom’s apartment was filled with yet another shouting match.\n\n\t“YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS!”\n\n\t“YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT DO IN MY OWN HOUSE, YOU LIMP-DICKED PIECE OF SHIT!”\n\n\tI stepped inside as quietly as I could, avoiding the everyday disaster in the living room. I stole a quick glance inside before sneaking into the kitchen. Mom was red in the face and slurring, shouting with her restraint chemically removed. She wore a black dress that might once have fit before I was born, but now struggled and lost against her hips and stomach.\n\n\tMom’s boyfriend, Mike, was so tense that his trunk had curled into a spiral. The pachyderm was built like a refrigerator with a beer gut. He hadn’t yet changed out of his grease-stained work uniform.\n\n\tI entered the kitchen, my tail and ears perked for any changes in their argument, but I was seemingly unnoticed by the pair. The one working lightbulb was flickering, painting ugly images of my shadow across the cheap linoleum. The countertops held two empty bottles of vodka that hadn’t been there this morning, and the grease-soaked paper bag that Mike usually brought home. I reached in, grabbing a burger and carton of fried, then tiptoed up to my room. \n\n\tThe thin walls did little to muffle the sounds below, but at least it was something. I ate mechanically, smothering my fries in cheap ketchup packets. I felt queasy as I finished, though the yelling had finally died down. I held my breath as mom’s footsteps tromped through the hallway, passing by my door. I prayed that she wouldn’t come in; I wasn’t sure I could listen to her vent tonight. Mercifully, she passed by, retiring to her room. I spent another hour or so browsing listlessly on my laptop. I passed over Elliot’s name on our messaging app several times, but couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. He might ask about tomorrow. \n\n\tEventually, tiredness overtook me, and I got ready for bed. The bathroom scale blinked an ugly ‘171’ up at me. I was up a pound and a half since yesterday. Stupid. I sank into bed like a doomed ship. Sleep came late, and fitfully, one more comfort that I didn’t deserve.\n\n-----\n\n\tSchool was a slog through thick, mental mud. I’d slipped out of the apartment early, skipping breakfast. I wanted to look as good as possible for Elliot, so it was probably for the best if I didn’t eat today. Thankfully, we had different lunch periods, so I was able to hide on a bench outside the cafeteria without anyone caring. By the afternoon, I had a gnawing headache in the back of my skull. The situation in my boxers wasn’t much better. There was a lingering soreness in my scrotum, which made every touch of the fabric against me uncomfortable. I’d had a small pawful of inconvenient erections throughout the day. Part of me wanted to paw one out in the bathroom, just to make it stop, but the thought of anything sexual sent my stomach turning over with thoughts of Elliot, and our plans for later.\n\n\tI was ready to claw at anyone who so much as glanced me when the final bell rang. I raced over to meet Elliot at by the old elm tree outside, so we could walk to his house together. With great difficulty, I adjusted my ears and tail to a neutral posture by the time the pretty ermine boy jogged over to meet me.\n\n\t“Hey Corey!” He chirped, beaming at me and standing as close he dared in public. “Mr. Richards really liked my essay. I really owe you one.” Bullshit, Elliot would never owe someone like me anything. “How was your day?”\n\n\tI wanted so badly to hug him then, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t out him like that, especially not over one bad day. “It was alright.” I fibbed, wearing a fragile liar’s smile. “Better now that you’re here. Let’s get going.”\n\n\tThe walk to El’s house felt longer than normal. He made absent-minded small talk about his science class, and other school-related minutia. As much as I liked listening to him talk, the pain and anticipation made it hard to be a good listener. He was giving me a concerned look when a soda cup smashed me in the face.\n\n\tIt exploded like wet, sugary bomb, drenching me in cola and ice. I stopped in shock, trying to process what was soaking into my clothing, when a jeer of “Nice look, Garfield!” issued from a passing car. I couldn’t make out who it was as their laughter receded down the road. It could’ve been a number of other kids, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. Reacting would only make things worse.\n\n\tStill, I felt my blood boiling. Of course, the one day that I need to be a good boyfriend for once, this happens. “FUCK YOU!” The scream explodes out of me, impotently trailing after the car. I shouted again, “FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!” until my voice was hoarse and cracking. My breathing was fast and shallow. I bared my teeth. I wanted to bite something. I wanted to cry. \n\n\t“Corey, hey, it’s okay.” I felt El rubbing small circles on the back of my paw. His azure eyes shimmered with concern. I hoped I wasn’t crying.\n\n\tI let the air out of my lungs, deflating like a discarded balloon. “Let’s just keep walking.” I said weakly. Elliot gently pulled me along by the paw. I glanced around for any prying eyes, acutely aware of the public display of affection. “Careful.” I offered. “Someone might see us.”\n\n\tElliot gave my paw a firm squeeze in response. “It’s okay. We’re almost there.”\n\n\tWe weren’t. He held on to me the entire rest of the way.\n\n-----\n\n\tElliot’s house was imposing. I loved the boy’s room, for obvious reasons, but the exterior facade spoke of the kind money I’d never have in a million years. His foyer sported a large painting of Jesus, in the form of the avenging Lion of Judah, with an army of angels at his back. Every time I walked in the front door, it felt like the lion’s eyes were judging me. They were not kind. \n\n\tElliot led me by the paw to his bathroom to wash up. I rinsed the brown, sticky film out of my fur, and left my shirt off. I wouldn’t need it anyway. The door back to El’s room was a yawning void, waiting to swallow me whole. After what felt like an hour. I turned the knob and stepped through.\n\n\tThe ermine was sprawled out on his bed, having stripped of all but his boxers. Seeing me step out, he held out his arms to me, beckoning an embrace. I met him there, focusing on the feel of him right then, and trying to ignore what was about to happen. The bottle of lube on the nightstand shone on me like a spotlight. \n\n\t“Are you okay after earlier? Elliot asked. He cupped my face in his paws, softly kissing the top of my head. “We could just cuddle for a bit, if that’d help. We’re not in a hurry.”\n\n\tIt was tempting. Very tempting, but I’d already promised him that I’d go through with this. I had a chorus of angry knives in my stomach, each of note of their crescendo a shard of a horrible day. If I let myself relax, I might break entirely, and I couldn’t do that to Elliot. Not when he was looking forward to this afternoon. \n\n\t“I’m a little nervous.” I understated, “but I still want to do this.” I placed a paw against the front of his shorts, rubbing gentle circles around his half-erect dick. Hopefully, once I got him going, he’d stop worrying about me. He sprang to attention fairly quickly, and I performed the normally happy chore of tossing his underwear across the room. I gave him a quick squeeze, eliciting a soft moan and a bead of pre in response. He was ready in record time. Good.\n\t\n\tEl, with his engine running hot, reached down toward me. I liked this part significantly less, but stepped up from the bed to let him slide my boxers down to my ankles. I was still soft, which irked me. My dick was disappointing at the best of times, and apparently couldn’t behave when I really needed it to cooperate. Elliot’s paw fondled me eagerly, but I was a mass of coiled springs. Nothing felt good right now. I pulled away from him, bending over onto my knees for him. Lifting my tail and exposing my sphincter to him felt like readying myself for a branding. “You can-” My voice cracked as I tried to force the words out. I took a shaky breath. “You can put it in. I’m ready.”\n\n\tElliot let out a chuckle thick with nervousness. “Maybe I could start with a finger first?” He leaned over on the bed next to me, gently scratching my back. “I promise I’ll go slow, okay? Let me know if it’s too much.”\n\n\tI nodded, barely able to meet his eyes. The pause as he left my field of vision only made the tension worse. I kept my head buried in the blankets, my instincts telling me to hide even as I exposed myself. I barely kept myself from flinching when El’s lubed-up finger touched my tailhole. It was cold, and uncomfortable. Relax! I scolded myself. My body did no such thing.\n\n\tA sting. I couldn’t help myself. I whimpered, loud. His finger pushing into me had hurt so much more than I thought it would. My body flattened itself to the bed, ears up and curling into a ball. No! I cursed myself. Get back up and let him keep going! Struggling to control my breathing, I scraped my gaze back up toward Elliot.\n\n\tThe other boy loomed over me, staring down with those eyes extended infinitely inward. I could feel those azure pools judging me. 'What’s wrong with you? They asked. You say you love me, but won’t even act like it. Liar. Are you even gay?'\n\n\t“Corey? Did I hurt you?” Elliot reached out a paw toward mine, slowly, as if a single quick movement would shatter the moment. I noticed, though. I saw that had his finger had a thin, brown sheen on it. Were those dark specks? Had I… had I shit on my boyfriend’s paw?\n\n\t“N-no.” I stammered. “No no no no no no.” I’d ruined it. Elliot’s special day and I’d shit all over it. I’d failed. He hated me. My relationship was over, and it was all my fault. All I needed to was to do one good thing for him, for once, and I’d failed, I’d failed, I’d failed, I’d failed.\n\n\tThe ermine said something that I couldn’t make out. He reached toward me. He was going to hit me. I was so bad to him and he was going to punish me, slap me, beat me. I deserved it. I barely felt my claws extending. My body exploded like a failed engine, going all to pieces in an instant. \n\n\tI was sobbing. My throat sputtered again, and again, and again, squeezing liquid from my mouth and nose. It was dark. I didn’t even realize I could fit under Elliot’s bed, I thought I was too fat for that. Outside the bed was danger. Noise. A voice yelling. Objects clanging together. I couldn’t breathe. I squeezed against the far wall. I couldn’t breathe. I was going to die. I was going to die. Good, I deserved it. Just let it stop, I want it to stop, I want it to stop-\n\n\tSomething rolled under the bed. My claw rose to swipe at it, and met metal. It was cold. My paw jerked back, pulling it toward me. A frigid tube of metal. The cold felt good. I held it against my throat. The noise outside was quieter. Rhythmic. Slower. I let myself drift, feeling the cold anchor me, and breathing with the noise. Slower. A little better. The air came back to me. Maybe I wasn’t going to die. Inch by inch, my mind opened back up. \n\n\t“You’re okay, Corey. It’s okay. Deep breaths. Just breathe, you’ll be okay.” I could see Elliot’s silhouette sitting at the edge of the bed, softly repeating himself. I crawled out slowly, barely making a sound. His eyes were closed, his ears crestfallen, and he cradled a crimson-stained towel over his right paw. My heart broke. I’d hurt him. Our relationship was over. I could breathe now, but I couldn’t force out any words even if I’d wanted to. I reached over and tapped him on the thigh, gingerly, then shrunk back again.\n\n\tHe gave me a small smile, but his eyes were wet. The insides of his glasses were marked with round, cloudy spots. He reached out his arms toward me, moving to hold me like a delicate shard of glass. I couldn’t. I’d ruined everything. “Corey, please.” He begged. His voice was thick and heavy. Fresh tears rolled down his face. “I really need you right now. Please.”\n\n\tChest burning, I grabbed him like a lifeline and held on for dear life. I dropped the object. Elliot’s water bottle. He must’ve filled it with ice. My boyfriend, probably ex-boyfriend now, coiled himself around me. It was hard to move, but I did my best to rub his long back and comfort him. He sniffled, and pulled us gently toward the bed with his good paw. I let him guide me as we sank into the mattress, a tangle of raw feelings.\n\n\tHe pressed his forehead against mine. Neither of us had finished crying yet. I took his glasses, setting them down on the nightstand before I caressed the sides of his face. “Sorry for scratching you.” I murmured. “Sorry for ruining your special day.” The words bubbled out from my nose and mouth. “Sorry for being such a bad partner. Sorry I’m so fat. Sorry for making you do these things with me. S-”\n\n\t“Why wouldn’t you just talk to me!” Elliot clapped his paws against my cheeks. The sting faded quickly, and shame followed. “We could’ve waited! I didn’t want to do this if you weren’t comfortable. I-I want to make you feel good. I never wanted to do something that would hurt you.” His face was scrunched up in agony.\n\n\t“I couldn’t. The only way you’ll like me is if I do what you want.” For once, this was easy to say, knowing that things between us couldn’t get any worse. “I’m not good enough for you. You’re beautiful, and I’m so ugly that you can barely even look at me. I don’t matter. The only way I get to stay with you is if I make you feel good, and’” I choked. “I wanted that, really really badly, but I just couldn’t!”\n\n\tThe room was quiet for a moment. Elliot let out a single sob. Frantic, I met his eyes again. The azure pools were overflowing now “Corey, no...” He whimpered, nuzzling into my cheek. “No, no, no… Corey, I’ve thought you were handsome since we were six. I picked you because I wanted to be with you. Of course I like you, I always have.”\n\n\tI wanted so badly to believe him. “El, I’m the only other gay kid in school. If you had better options, you’d take them.”\n\n\t“That’s wrong.” El ran his claws lightly through my fur, scratching my scalp. His voice was shaky. “Corey, I love you so much. I know it’s hard for you, but trust me, please?”\n\tHe was right, it was hard, but I felt to tired. I couldn’t believe him that easily, my brain still protesting, but his fur against mine felt so good. I sank into his embrace fully, letting his paws wipe my thoughts away for a while. He coiled around me, and we shed the last of our tears into the blankets together. I was a dull ache, from whiskers to tail, and I let the fatigue carry me away, drifting off into much needed nap.\n\n-----\n\n\tI groaned and rolled onto my side as I awoke. I was sore, and uncurled myself slowly. El was still snuggled against me, reading a cheap paperback. While I was still thinking of what to say, he noticed me stirring, set the book aside, and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. His paw was clean now, sporting a gauze binding. Turning over for a moment, he returned with a granola bar and bottle of water, retrieved from the nightstand. \n\n\tI drank the bottle in seconds, grateful. I sideeyed the snack, and Elliot giggled “Yes, it’s going to make a mess, that’s inevitable, but I give you full permission to get crumbs all over the bed.” \n\n\tMy mouth tugged upward at his little joke, and I polished off the bar with only a minimum of debris hitting the sheets. Lying back, letting both gifts settle in my stomach, I immediately felt better. This was closer to normal, with the prior tornado in my head reduced to a gentler breeze. \n\n\t“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, giving me a moment to respond.\n\n\tI took it, pushing my thoughts in order. “I’m sorry for scratching you.”\n\n\t“I forgive you.” He kissed me again. “You don’t have to apologize for anything else though, okay? I just want to understand.”\n\n\tI sighed. “Look, I’m not happy with myself, or the way I am. Sometimes that’s easy to forget about, but when a lot of things go wrong, like today, it’s like I can’t think of anything else. I don’t think I’m a good partner. You’re so smart, and pretty, and nice, and I worry that you’ll realize that I’m none of those things. I’m not-” I flushed, suddenly aware again that I was still naked. “My dick isn’t very big either, so I figured that I owed you, y’know, in the bedroom. I put a lot of pressure on to do stuff focus on you, and on top of everything else...” I shrugged “I freaked out. It’s like my brain just broke all of a sudden.”\n\n\tElliot stayed next to me, one paw rubbing just beneath my ears, the other running in small circles over my chest. Touching that close to my exposed belly would usually have been stressful, even from Elliot, but I was so tired that even my instincts couldn’t make my muscles tense up. Part of me wanted to cry again, but my tears were close to spent, and a bigger part of me didn’t want to fall back into the pit I’d just escaped from.\n\n\t“Can I hold you, please?” I asked. Out of reflex, I’d expected rejection, but embraced him gratefully anyway, burying my face against his chest as he cradled me.\n\n\t“Corey, when I tell you that I love you, I mean it. I think you’re handsome. I like spending time with you. I like your penis, even. I like complementing you. I’m going to keep doing it, and I want you to believe me when I do.”\n\t\nI sighed, frustrated. I loved hearing El say that. It made sense, and it should’ve fixed everything, but it didn’t. “I do believe you, but it feels like I can’t make my brain do anything else, and I don’t know what to do.”\n\n\t“Can I help?” El asked, holding me a little tighter.\n\n\t“Maybe. I don’t think you can fix it, but maybe it can be less bad.”\n\n\t“Can you please talk to me about how you’re feeling if this happens again? I can’t help if I have to guess if you’re upset or not. I don’t want to make things worse by accident.”\n\n\tIt was a hard ask. I hesitated, then answered. “I’ll try. I don’t know if I can do it, but I want to. I promise I’ll try.”\n\n\tThe two of us lay together for several long minutes, relaxing into each others’ bodies. I nuzzled against my boyfriend’s neck, my lips planting delicate kisses along his jawbone. He gazed down at me, the raw compassion in his eyes making me melt, the edges of his mouth slowly curving into a naughty smirk.\n\n\t“Hey Corey?” He teased. “I was thinking about what you said earlier. Can you do me a favor? Please?”\n\n\t“Absolutely.” I answered without thinking.\n\n\t“Can I suck you off?”\n\n\tI almost choked. Elliot snickered, a coy predator watching me process my surprise. “Pretty please? I want to rub your balls until you cum in my mouth.”\n\n\tEl had never been this forward before. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. This was exactly the kind of activity I’d been trying to steer us away from, and he was begging for it.\n\n\t“O-Okay...” I felt mortified, but his teasing, combined with how close he still was to me, already had my dick starting to swell. With the blueballing from yesterday, it was almost uncomfortable to be hard again. Actually getting some release was exactly what my body wanted, now that I was fed and rested.\n\n\t“Yay!” The ermine cheered, wasting no time in wiggling himself between my legs. With his good paw, he deftly slipped out of his bottoms and tossed them onto the floor, leaving both of our arousals on full display. “Just say ‘stop’ or ‘wait’ if you need to, okay?”\n\n\tHe stroked my inner thigh, but waited for my affirmative nod before going any further. It was odd to think that I could still feel embarrassed in front of Elliot, but having his attention fully focused on my genitals, with nothing to occupy myself with, felt like being under a microscope. “Do you want me to touch you too?”\n\n\t“Nope! Trust me, I’ve got that taken care of.” He chirped before diving in. \n\n\tHe started slow, cupping my scrotum in his bandaged paw and giving it little playful squeezes. As I continued getting harder, he licked at my shaft, coaxing me to full mast. He took a moment to admire me, teasing me with with his warm breath against my tip, before he sucked it into his mouth.\n\n\tI shuddered into the mattress, letting the feeling wash over me. El’s slow start was now replaced with obvious enthusiasm, as he used his tongue to squeeze me against the roof of his mouth as he bobbed up and down. He might not be experienced, but he was much more committed than I expected.\n\n\tI was glad of his paw’s continued work just below. Our prior session had left a lingering soreness in both testicles, but his touch was a much-needed balm, practically milking me. It reassured me, each caress promising that it was okay, I didn’t need to hurt or deny myself. El was here to make me feel good, make sure I finished, and he was doing a damn good job. \n\n\tI watched him work, his eyes locked on mine as he continued to pleasure me. I noticed that his other paw had also gotten busy, and the boy was masturbating with almost as much enthusiasm as he was showing me. He was rock hard, already dripping… and I hadn’t even needed to work for it. He’d gotten like that just from touching me.\n\n\tThe thought caused my breathing to drop lower, and I already felt pressure building at the base of my spine. Wanting this to last just a little longer, I tried to relax, giving the pressure more room to build without spilling over. I let the little aches, muscles taut with hours worth of stress, go slack and start to fade. My head was melting in the best way. It was like floating, as if El was cradling my entire body and bearing me gently upwards into the sky.\n\n\tPleasant as it was, my flight of fancy had a time limit. I was close enough now that I’d be over the edge any second. This is where I usually felt some trepidation, like I was doing something wrong. Normally I’d be worried that my semen would taste worse than El’s did, and that he wouldn’t like it. Though, though the warm and comforting haze, that voice was quiet. Instead, I just really, really wanted to cum.\n\n\t“El, I’m r-really close.” I huffed, running a paw along the top of his head. My boyfriend hummed, clamping around me and sucking, the pressure bringing his eager tongue into even tighter contact with my cock. Panting, I started thrusting into him, keeping his head in place. El squealed happily, his eyes sparkling as he wordlessly egged me on. Emboldened, I humped faster and harder, slapping my balls against Elliot’s chin. I needed this, my body was crying out for release, and against all odds the ermine was happy to oblige. \n\n\tI hilted myself in my boyfriend’s maw as the dam broke. I moaned, words beyond me as I shot load after load into him, The soreness hadn’t faded, but the relief was incredible. I drained myself completely, letting the last of my tension flow out of me in hot spurts.\n\n\tElliot stayed in place, not moving, but suckling on me as my orgasm faded. My softened length popped out oh his mouth, but he was still rock hard, and his hips were starting to buck as he finished swallowing my load.\n\n\t“C’mere.” I said, reaching toward him. He crawled forward, snuggling against my chest as he kept stroking himself.\n\n\t“I’m really close too, Corey.” He panted.\n\n\t“Do you want to finish on me?”\n\n\tHe clamored on top of me, shaking, bucking his hips faster now. I pulled his lips towards mine, letting his tongue snake into my mouth as he bucked a final time, spraying hot ropes of cum onto my fur. It was thick, and pungent, and I didn’t dare stop kissing him as he marked me with his scent. I felt warm and safe as he collapsed on top of me, claiming me as his.\n\n\tWe rested in a heap, breathing deeply of each other. El was just as spent as I was, and seemed happy to spend the quiet moments snuggled up with me. Tragically, we didn’t have the full night ahead of us, and the clock soon called us to wash up and change the sheets.\n\n-----\n\n\tWe showered together. I was massaging shampoo into Elliot’s scalp, comforted by the cascade of water and steam. “Feeling any better?” He asked, eyes closed against the suds.\n\n\t“Yeah, a lot better. My head feels more normal. Thanks for calming me down. The water bottle, the snack, the… y’know.”\n\n\t“The other snack?”\n\n\tI snorted. “Yeah, that. It all helped a lot.”\n\n\t“That’s post-nut clarify for you. Clears your head right up.”\n\n\tI purred an affirmative, rinsing his fur with hot water.\n\n\t“Corey.” Elliot said. “I need you not to freak out.”\n\n\tI frowned. “El, I’m trying, but I can’t promise that. I wish I could.”\n\n\t“No, I need to tell you something, and I need you to freak out about that specifically.” He continued before I could process what he was saying. “Corey, I want to tell my parents about us.”\n\n\tMy blood ran cold. “El, no.” Visceral horror coursed through me. I gathered him in my paws like a broken plate. “You don’t know what could happen. They could hurt you. You can’t do that for me.”\n\t\nHe patted my paw, trying to comfort me. “It’s not really for you, Corey. It’s for me. I’m sick of deep-cleaning my room whenever you come over. I don’t want to keep pretending whenever dad asks if there’s a girl I like. I want to hold my boyfriend’s paw in public. They’re going to find out eventually anyway. I just want to be the real me.”\n\n\tI was trembling. What he said made sense, but did little for the looming terror that I might lose the boy I loved. “C-can I stay with you when you do?”\n\n\tHe looked up at me sadly. “Man, you are so brave. Thank you, but I have to do this by myself. If I need somewhere to stay tonight, just in case, could I stay at your place?\n\n\tI nodded, cradling him in my arms. “Elliot, I love you so much. Please be safe, okay?\n\n\tHe took my paw, squeezing it. “Okay.” The remainder of our evening passed like a well kept cemetery; somber, but in a way that felt appropriate. As I left, the door swung shut, sealing the tomb behind me.\n\n-----\n\n\tMom’s apartment was quieter tonight. She and Mike were slumped in the living room, illuminated by the droning of the TV. It was a small comfort when all I could think of was Elliot, and whatever was unfolding at his house. “Hey honey.” Mom called, swirling what I hoped would be her only glass of wine. “How was your day?”\n\n\t“Fine.” My steps were mechanical. Moving myself further inside was a dull chore. This wasn’t what was important. “Hey, Elliot might come by later and hang out in my room. Is that okay?”\n\n\tMom hummed noncommittally, sipping her glass. Mike piped up, “I’d been wondering when I’d get to meet him, considering how much time you spend at his place. It should be fine if your friend spends the night, right?” He turned to mom for the final say. It wasn’t as if he’d rented the apartment, after all.\n\n\t“Boyfriend.”\n\n\tI hadn’t realized I’d said anything out loud. I’d broken the secret without even realizing it. I could’ve been mortified, but I couldn’t bring it to the forefront of my mind. “He’s not my friend, he’s my boyfriend.” The dam was open now, and I carelessly let the flood do its work.\n\n\tMom cackled, a harsh sound that ripped across the room. “With the rich kid? Good for you, honey. Of course he’s welcome. If you ever need advice on keeping him happy, I’m always here for you.” She grinned like she’d cornered a mouse, but I barely noticed. I trudged toward my room, but was stopped before I managed to leave the conversation.\n\n\t“Thanks for telling us, Corey.” I hadn’t realized that Mike had been quiet up until now. His voice was almost too soft for me to hear. “Your mom’s right, if you need anything, we’re here for you.”\n\n\tI almost ignored him, but my restraint had been worn down to a nub by the events of the day, and I let my thoughts spill out. “I also want to start eating healthier. Could you not bring me any fast food for dinner anymore?”\n\n\tMom frowned. I didn’t hang around to see Mike’s reaction. Muttering out a quick “G’night,” I hurried off to my room. Throwing down my things, I pulled out my laptop, waiting for a message from Elliot. Minutes bled together, perhaps into hours, as I half-watched the screen, before a message appeared.\n\n\t'Went better than expected. Can you meet me at the park?'\n\n-----\n\n\tThe park was clearly meant for younger kids, with a bright yellow and red playground in the center. The nighttime shadows turned the slides and human-bars into long shadows, standing guard across the grounds. Elliot was already inside the gazebo, waiting. I tore across the yard, panting, and joined him inside.\n\n\tI wrapped him into my arms, feeling him safe, and intact, without even a bruise or scratch. I kissed the back of his palm, and moved up along his arm to his chin, each kiss banishing a phantom injury from the boy. He let me cradle him, my heart coming back to rest, until my curiosity could replace it.\n\n\t“So what happened?”\n\n\tElliot smiled like a fresh-lit candle. He pulled us onto a nearby bench, keeping our arms entwined. “It’s not all good news, but we’re safe. Both of us. Telling them was awkward as hell, but I’m glad I did it. Mom did that whole hysterical-fake-crying thing she always does, and decided she wanted to hug me to death. Dad seemed more confused than anything… but he said he wants to have you over for dinner sometime. He asked what you liked, so that seems like a good sign, right?”\n\n\tI let out a slow exhale. “You said it wasn’t all good news?”\n\n\tHe looked sheepish. “Yeah… they were really worried about what my grandparents, and the rest of the family would think. They want me to make sure I don’t post or get tagged in anything online that could… y’know, out me.”\n\t\nI pulled his head against my chest, letting him snuggle against me. As close as we were, a thin line of tension remained in both of our bodies. As much as we wanted to let it go, we couldn’t yet.\n\n\tElliot nuzzled me. “This is better though, right? We can go on actual dates now.” He gave me a quick squeeze. “I want to show you off.”\n\t\nI chuckled. The complement still stung, but only just. “Are you kidding? I get to show everyone the cute guy I bagged, and you want to show me off?”\n\n\t“Duh. Corey, can you do me a favor? Can you keep this in mind when you brain is being mean to you? I took a big risk today because I want to be with you. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t like you, so maybe you can be a little nicer to yourself?”\n\n\tIt was a big ask, but he was right. Sitting with him in the glow of the distant streetlights, feeling the warmth of him on my chest, I felt better than I had in a while. Through the lingering embarrassment, I didn’t want to feel that awful again. \n\n\tI pulled his lips to mine, wordlessly breathing my gratitude and a promise to be better into his waiting lips. “I will.” I said, breaking the kiss. “Love you.”\n\n\t“Love you too.”", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "\tElliot and I were jerking each other off with the enthusiasm that only 13-year-olds can manage, and I was infuriatingly close.

\tElliot was gorgeous. The ermine boy was about my height, but far more slender (though that wasn’t a high bar). His long, flexible body was covered with snow-white fur from tip to tail. He leaned himself against me, head on my shoulder, sporting that desperate look on his face that I enjoyed so much, the one he always made when I was rubbing or sucking him in just the right way. His deep black eyes kept rolling back into his head as he let out cute little moans. His dick, much like the rest of him, was long, slender, and one of my favorite things to look at. As I kept rubbing him, enjoying his erratic gasps and twitches, he planted small, affectionate nips on my neck and cheeks.

\tI, on the other paw, was Elliot’s total opposite in all of the worst ways. I was a cat with a vein of ugliness running down my face. I hadn’t even been cute as a kitten, and I hadn’t thought that was possible. My long tabby fur was dull and unremarkable, but at least it helped hide the rolls of fat on my stomach. My dick reminded me of one of those miniature soda cans, short and overly thick. As awful as it was, I hadn’t gotten off in about a week, and Elliot was doing his best to fix that. My knees started to shake as he tugged and squeezed me, then planted a kiss on the back of my neck.

\tI felt a stab of guilt at that. As much as I liked being intimate with him, my boyfriend probably hated touching me. He was nice enough not to say anything about it to my face, to avoid hurting my feelings, but I could tell. I redoubled my own efforts, stroking his dick with deep, long motions and enjoying the little wiggles that ran through his needy body. As much as I wanted to cum, focusing on him made this whole experience a little easier for me.

\tElliot was pretty close as well. He’d scrunched up his face in the way he always did  when he was trying to hold back an orgasm. I leaned in close to him, nuzzling my face against his. “Enjoying yourself?” I murmured.

\tElliot mumbled incoherently, trying and failing to force words out through the pleasure coursing through him. My heart melted a little, glad that he was comfortable enough to show his lack of control like this. Snuggling deeper against him. I felt myself starting to peak. I felt my own control on my loins start unlocking as Elliot’s paw kept caressing me. Almost, almost…

\tElliot jerked against me, throwing his head back and groaning loudly as he started to cum. He cried out my name, “Corey, Corey!” as ropes of his seed splashed onto my fur. He’d completely lost control of himself, which was incredibly sweet, but it also meant that he’d lost his grip on my dick. Dammit.

\tI pulled him into a tight hug and snuggled into his bed. As subtly as I could, I pulled my goin away from him as I leaned in for a kiss. His lips met mine in a hungry but tired haze, and his arms wrapped around me. I hadn’t cum, but that was fine. Elliot would be totally spent after his orgasm, and it was enough that he was willing to touch me at all. To expect him to continue when he wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore was ridiculous.

\t“God you’re good at that, hun.” Elliot said as he broke the kiss. He snuggled closer to me, trying to wrap our bodies even closer together. “Do you need to keep going?”

\t“No, I’m spent.” I lied, ignoring the painful tightness in my groin. “We can rest for a few minutes.” I paused, running a paw gently along the side of Elliot’s jaw. “…We’ll have to work on your English essay at some point, though.”

\t“Noooooooo...” The ermine whined softly. “I need at least ten minutes. Maybe fifteen.” He nuzzled against my chest, closing his pretty blue eyes. We had a few hours before his parents would be home, so I let him doze off next to me, doing my best to relax my protesting lower half.

\tBy the time I roused him to clean up, I had mercifully gone soft again. Between his natural musk and the even more pungent scent of his cum, a post-sex shower was mandatory. Elliot’s room had its own private bathroom, and while the shower was a tight fit for the two of us, we made it work. He’d have a much easier time with someone skinnier, though. Once we were clean, and with a few sprays of deodorizer for the bed, we could move on to my boyfriend’s least favorite pastime, literary analysis.

\tElliot’s desk was haphazardly piled with his math and science textbooks, coupled with several pop science books about space and robotics. On the second shelf was a box set of ‘Space 1992: Rise of the Chaos Wizards’ DVDs, a sci-fi series that Elliot had been trying and failing to get me into since we were 9. Having retrieved his thick-rimmed glasses, he was staring at his incomplete essay like it had stolen his lunch money.

\t“I can’t believe they’re making me write 5 whole pages of this.” Elliot grumbled to me. “I have the prettiest cat in the world next to me, and I have to write about what the flowers mean instead of smooching him. It’s outrageous. It’s unfair!” I laughed at his little joke, but still felt a sting, knowing that he was probably making fun of me.

\tThe next hour passed easily, despite Elliot’s frequent complaints that symbolism was some kind of war crime. This was one of the few subjects where I earned higher marks than he did, and I was able to gently guide his essay into something halfway decent.
\t
With little left to do, I’d been pulled into one of Elliot’s frequent kissing breaks (“I need them to focus!” He insisted). Glancing at the clock, I saw that his parents should be home sometime in the next 15 minutes. “Looks like I need to get going.” I said sadly, gathering up my supplies in my bag.

\tElliot reluctantly walked me to the front door. “Be safe walking home. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he said as he pulled me into a goodbye hug.

\t“I will. See you.” I replied. I attempted to pull away to leave, but he stubbornly refused to let go.

\t“Corey, can I ask you something?”

\t“Hmm?” I was perplexed. Elliot was rarely the shy one, but he was blushing beet red and burying his face in my shoulder. “What is it, El?”

\t“Well… I was able to get a bottle of lube from my sister’s old room. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to try, like, actual sex? I-I just really like your butt, and, well...”

\tI froze as he trailed off. I knew that I should be excited that he wanted to keep being intimate with me, but something about it scared me deeply. I’d thought about putting stuff, usually Elliot-shaped stuff, inside me, but I’d never actually tried anything. The closest thing I’d gotten was one of my fingers, which had been both gross and painful. Would Elliot think I was gross? Would it hurt when he-

\t“Only if you want to!” Elliot blurted out. I hadn’t even realized I had gone silent for a few seconds. “I know it’s a big step, and we can absolutely wait if you’re not ready. I’m totally happy with what we do now, and I want you to-”

\t“I’d love to.” I choked out, plastering a fake smile on my face. My mind helpfully filled in what Elliot had been about to say, I want you to do something useful in bed for once. I was so scared that I wanted to break down and cry, but I wrestled down my fear and buried as deep within me as I could, where it couldn’t disappoint the boy I loved. “That sounds wonderful El! I’m really excited, see you tomorrow!”

\tI pulled him into one last hug before I left the house. El’s parting smile faltered at the edges. He must be worried that I’d do something to ruin our special day tomorrow. Walking home with a lead ball in my stomach, I swore to myself that he’d enjoy our first time, no matter what.

-----

\tMom’s apartment was filled with yet another shouting match.

\t“YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS!”

\t“YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT DO IN MY OWN HOUSE, YOU LIMP-DICKED PIECE OF SHIT!”

\tI stepped inside as quietly as I could, avoiding the everyday disaster in the living room. I stole a quick glance inside before sneaking into the kitchen. Mom was red in the face and slurring, shouting with her restraint chemically removed. She wore a black dress that might once have fit before I was born, but now struggled and lost against her hips and stomach.

\tMom’s boyfriend, Mike, was so tense that his trunk had curled into a spiral. The pachyderm was built like a refrigerator with a beer gut. He hadn’t yet changed out of his grease-stained work uniform.

\tI entered the kitchen, my tail and ears perked for any changes in their argument, but I was seemingly unnoticed by the pair. The one working lightbulb was flickering, painting ugly images of my shadow across the cheap linoleum. The countertops held two empty bottles of vodka that hadn’t been there this morning, and the grease-soaked paper bag that Mike usually brought home. I reached in, grabbing a burger and carton of fried, then tiptoed up to my room.

\tThe thin walls did little to muffle the sounds below, but at least it was something. I ate mechanically, smothering my fries in cheap ketchup packets. I felt queasy as I finished, though the yelling had finally died down. I held my breath as mom’s footsteps tromped through the hallway, passing by my door. I prayed that she wouldn’t come in; I wasn’t sure I could listen to her vent tonight. Mercifully, she passed by, retiring to her room. I spent another hour or so browsing listlessly on my laptop. I passed over Elliot’s name on our messaging app several times, but couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. He might ask about tomorrow.

\tEventually, tiredness overtook me, and I got ready for bed. The bathroom scale blinked an ugly ‘171’ up at me. I was up a pound and a half since yesterday. Stupid. I sank into bed like a doomed ship. Sleep came late, and fitfully, one more comfort that I didn’t deserve.

-----

\tSchool was a slog through thick, mental mud. I’d slipped out of the apartment early, skipping breakfast. I wanted to look as good as possible for Elliot, so it was probably for the best if I didn’t eat today. Thankfully, we had different lunch periods, so I was able to hide on a bench outside the cafeteria without anyone caring. By the afternoon, I had a gnawing headache in the back of my skull. The situation in my boxers wasn’t much better. There was a lingering soreness in my scrotum,  which made every touch of the fabric against me uncomfortable. I’d had a small pawful of inconvenient erections throughout the day. Part of me wanted to paw one out in the bathroom, just to make it stop, but the thought of anything sexual sent my stomach turning over with thoughts of Elliot, and our plans for later.

\tI was ready to claw at anyone who so much as glanced me when the final bell rang. I raced over to meet Elliot at by the old elm tree outside, so we could walk to his house together. With great difficulty, I adjusted my ears and tail to a neutral posture by the time the pretty ermine boy jogged over to meet me.

\t“Hey Corey!” He chirped, beaming at me and standing as close he dared in public. “Mr. Richards really liked my essay. I really owe you one.” Bullshit, Elliot would never owe someone like me anything. “How was your day?”

\tI wanted so badly to hug him then, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t out him like that, especially not over one bad day. “It was alright.” I fibbed, wearing a fragile liar’s smile. “Better now that you’re here. Let’s get going.”

\tThe walk to El’s house felt longer than normal. He made absent-minded small talk about his science class, and other school-related minutia. As much as I liked listening to him talk, the pain and anticipation made it hard to be a good listener. He was giving me a concerned look when a soda cup smashed me in the face.

\tIt exploded like wet, sugary bomb, drenching me in cola and ice. I stopped in shock, trying to process what was soaking into my clothing, when a jeer of “Nice look, Garfield!” issued from a passing car. I couldn’t make out who it was as their laughter receded down the road. It could’ve been a number of other kids, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. Reacting would only make things worse.

\tStill, I felt my blood boiling. Of course, the one day that I need to be a good boyfriend for once, this happens. “FUCK YOU!” The scream explodes out of me, impotently trailing after the car. I shouted again, “FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!” until my voice was hoarse and cracking. My breathing was fast and shallow. I bared my teeth. I wanted to bite something. I wanted to cry.

\t“Corey, hey, it’s okay.” I felt El rubbing small circles on the back of my paw. His azure eyes shimmered with concern. I hoped I wasn’t crying.

\tI let the air out of my lungs, deflating like a discarded balloon. “Let’s just keep walking.” I said weakly. Elliot gently pulled me along by the paw. I glanced around for any prying eyes, acutely aware of the public display of affection. “Careful.” I offered. “Someone might see us.”

\tElliot gave my paw a firm squeeze in response. “It’s okay. We’re almost there.”

\tWe weren’t. He held on to me the entire rest of the way.

-----

\tElliot’s house was imposing. I loved the boy’s room, for obvious reasons, but the exterior facade spoke of the kind money I’d never have in a million years. His foyer sported a large painting of Jesus, in the form of the avenging Lion of Judah, with an army of angels at his back. Every time I walked in the front door, it felt like the lion’s eyes were judging me. They were not kind.

\tElliot led me by the paw to his bathroom to wash up. I rinsed the brown, sticky film out of my fur, and left my shirt off. I wouldn’t need it anyway. The door back to El’s room was a yawning void, waiting to swallow me whole. After what felt like an hour. I turned the knob and stepped through.

\tThe ermine was sprawled out on his bed, having stripped of all but his boxers. Seeing me step out, he held out his arms to me, beckoning an embrace. I met him there, focusing on the feel of him right then, and trying to ignore what was about to happen. The bottle of lube on the nightstand shone on me like a spotlight.

\t“Are you okay after earlier? Elliot asked. He cupped my face in his paws, softly kissing the top of my head. “We could just cuddle for a bit, if that’d help. We’re not in a hurry.”

\tIt was tempting. Very tempting, but I’d already promised him that I’d go through with this. I had a chorus of angry knives in my stomach, each of note of their crescendo a shard of a horrible day. If I let myself relax, I might break entirely, and I couldn’t do that to Elliot. Not when he was looking forward to this afternoon.

\t“I’m a little nervous.” I understated, “but I still want to do this.” I placed a paw against the front of his shorts, rubbing gentle circles around his half-erect dick. Hopefully, once I got him going, he’d stop worrying about me. He sprang to attention fairly quickly, and I performed the normally happy chore of tossing his underwear across the room. I gave him a quick squeeze, eliciting a soft moan and a bead of pre in response. He was ready in record time. Good.
\t
\tEl, with his engine running hot, reached down toward me. I liked this part significantly less, but stepped up from the bed to let him slide my boxers down to my ankles. I was still soft, which irked me. My dick was disappointing at the best of times, and apparently couldn’t behave when I really needed it to cooperate. Elliot’s paw fondled me eagerly, but I was a mass of coiled springs. Nothing felt good right now. I pulled away from him, bending over onto my knees for him. Lifting my tail and exposing my sphincter to him felt like readying myself for a branding. “You can-” My voice cracked as I tried to force the words out. I took a shaky breath. “You can put it in. I’m ready.”

\tElliot let out a chuckle thick with nervousness. “Maybe I could start with a finger first?” He leaned over on the bed next to me, gently scratching my back. “I promise I’ll go slow, okay? Let me know if it’s too much.”

\tI nodded, barely able to meet his eyes. The pause as he left my field of vision only made the tension worse. I kept my head buried in the blankets, my instincts telling me to hide even as I exposed myself. I barely kept myself from flinching when El’s lubed-up finger touched my tailhole. It was cold, and uncomfortable. Relax! I scolded myself. My body did no such thing.

\tA sting. I couldn’t help myself. I whimpered, loud. His finger pushing into me had hurt so much more than I thought it would. My body flattened itself to the bed, ears up and curling into a ball. No! I cursed myself. Get back up and let him keep going! Struggling to control my breathing, I scraped my gaze back up toward Elliot.

\tThe other boy loomed over me, staring down with those eyes extended infinitely inward. I could feel those azure pools judging me. 'What’s wrong with you? They asked. You say you love me, but won’t even act like it. Liar. Are you even gay?'

\t“Corey? Did I hurt you?” Elliot reached out a paw toward mine, slowly, as if a single quick movement would shatter the moment. I noticed, though. I saw that had his finger had a thin, brown sheen on it. Were those dark specks? Had I… had I shit on my boyfriend’s paw?

\t“N-no.” I stammered. “No no no no no no.” I’d ruined it. Elliot’s special day and I’d shit all over it. I’d failed. He hated me. My relationship was over, and it was all my fault. All I needed to was to do one good thing for him, for once, and I’d failed, I’d failed, I’d failed, I’d failed.

\tThe ermine said something that I couldn’t make out. He reached toward me. He was going to hit me. I was so bad to him and he was going to punish me, slap me, beat me. I deserved it. I barely felt my claws extending. My body exploded like a failed engine, going all to pieces in an instant.

\tI was sobbing. My throat sputtered again, and again, and again, squeezing liquid from my mouth and nose. It was dark. I didn’t even realize I could fit under Elliot’s bed, I thought I was too fat for that. Outside the bed was danger. Noise. A voice yelling. Objects clanging together. I couldn’t breathe. I squeezed against the far wall.  I couldn’t breathe. I was going to die. I was going to die. Good, I deserved it. Just let it stop, I want it to stop, I want it to stop-

\tSomething rolled under the bed. My claw rose to swipe at it, and met metal. It was cold. My paw jerked back, pulling it toward me. A frigid tube of metal. The cold felt good. I held it against my throat. The noise outside was quieter. Rhythmic. Slower. I let myself drift, feeling the cold anchor me, and breathing with the noise. Slower. A little better. The air came back to me. Maybe I wasn’t going to die. Inch by inch, my mind opened back up.

\t“You’re okay, Corey. It’s okay. Deep breaths. Just breathe, you’ll be okay.” I could see Elliot’s silhouette sitting at the edge of the bed, softly repeating himself. I crawled out slowly, barely making a sound. His eyes were closed, his ears crestfallen, and he cradled a crimson-stained towel over his right paw. My heart broke. I’d hurt him. Our relationship was over. I could breathe now, but I couldn’t force out any words even if I’d wanted to. I reached over and tapped him on the thigh, gingerly, then shrunk back again.

\tHe gave me a small smile, but his eyes were wet. The insides of his glasses were marked with round, cloudy spots. He reached out his arms toward me, moving to hold me like a delicate shard of glass. I couldn’t. I’d ruined everything. “Corey, please.” He begged. His voice was thick and heavy. Fresh tears rolled down his face. “I really need you right now. Please.”

\tChest burning, I grabbed him like a lifeline and held on for dear life. I dropped the object. Elliot’s water bottle. He must’ve filled it with ice. My boyfriend, probably ex-boyfriend now, coiled himself around me. It was hard to move, but I did my best to rub his long back and comfort him. He sniffled, and pulled us gently toward the bed with his good paw. I let him guide me as we sank into the mattress, a tangle of raw feelings.

\tHe pressed his forehead against mine. Neither of us had finished crying yet. I took his glasses, setting them down on the nightstand before I caressed the sides of his face. “Sorry for scratching you.” I murmured. “Sorry for ruining your special day.” The words bubbled out from my nose and mouth. “Sorry for being such a bad partner. Sorry I’m so fat. Sorry for making you do these things with me. S-”

\t“Why wouldn’t you just talk to me!” Elliot clapped his paws against my cheeks. The sting faded quickly, and shame followed. “We could’ve waited! I didn’t want to do this if you weren’t comfortable. I-I want to make you feel good. I never wanted to do something that would hurt you.” His face was scrunched up in agony.

\t“I couldn’t. The only way you’ll like me is if I do what you want.” For once, this was easy to say, knowing that things between us couldn’t get any worse. “I’m not good enough for you. You’re beautiful, and I’m so ugly that you can barely even look at me. I don’t matter. The only way I get to stay with you is if I make you feel good, and’” I choked. “I wanted that, really really badly, but I just couldn’t!”

\tThe room was quiet for a moment. Elliot let out a single sob. Frantic, I met his eyes again. The azure pools were overflowing now “Corey, no...” He whimpered, nuzzling into my cheek. “No, no, no… Corey, I’ve thought you were handsome since we were six. I picked you because I wanted to be with you. Of course I like you, I always have.”

\tI wanted so badly to believe him. “El, I’m the only other gay kid in school. If you had better options, you’d take them.”

\t“That’s wrong.” El ran his claws lightly through my fur, scratching my scalp. His voice was shaky. “Corey, I love you so much. I know it’s hard for you, but trust me, please?”
\tHe was right, it was hard, but I felt to tired. I couldn’t believe him that easily, my brain still protesting, but his fur against mine felt so good. I sank into his embrace fully, letting his paws wipe my thoughts away for a while. He coiled around me, and we shed the last of our tears into the blankets together. I was a dull ache, from whiskers to tail, and I let the fatigue carry me away, drifting off into much needed nap.

-----

\tI groaned and rolled onto my side as I awoke. I was sore, and uncurled myself slowly. El was still snuggled against me, reading a cheap paperback. While I was still thinking of what to say, he noticed me stirring, set the book aside, and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. His paw was clean now, sporting a gauze binding. Turning over for a moment, he returned with a granola bar and bottle of water, retrieved from the nightstand.

\tI drank the bottle in seconds, grateful. I sideeyed the snack, and Elliot giggled “Yes, it’s going to make a mess, that’s inevitable, but I give you full permission to get crumbs all over the bed.”

\tMy mouth tugged upward at his little joke, and I polished off the bar with only a minimum of debris hitting the sheets. Lying back, letting both gifts settle in my stomach, I immediately felt better. This was closer to normal, with the prior tornado in my head reduced to a gentler breeze.

\t“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, giving me a moment to respond.

\tI took it, pushing my thoughts in order. “I’m sorry for scratching you.”

\t“I forgive you.” He kissed me again. “You don’t have to apologize for anything else though, okay? I just want to understand.”

\tI sighed. “Look, I’m not happy with myself, or the way I am. Sometimes that’s easy to forget about, but when a lot of things go wrong, like today, it’s like I can’t think of anything else. I don’t think I’m a good partner. You’re so smart, and pretty, and nice, and I worry that you’ll realize that I’m none of those things. I’m not-” I flushed, suddenly aware again that I was still naked. “My dick isn’t very big either, so I figured that I owed you, y’know, in the bedroom. I put a lot of pressure on to do stuff focus on you, and on top of everything else...” I shrugged “I freaked out. It’s like my brain just broke all of a sudden.”

\tElliot stayed next to me, one paw rubbing just beneath my ears, the other running in small circles over my chest. Touching that close to my exposed belly would usually have been stressful, even from Elliot, but I was so tired that even my instincts couldn’t make my muscles tense up. Part of me wanted to cry again, but my tears were close to spent, and a bigger part of me didn’t want to fall back into the pit I’d just escaped from.

\t“Can I hold you, please?” I asked. Out of reflex, I’d expected rejection, but embraced him gratefully anyway, burying my face against his chest as he cradled me.

\t“Corey, when I tell you that I love you, I mean it. I think you’re handsome. I like spending time with you. I like your penis, even. I like complementing you. I’m going to keep doing it, and I want you to believe me when I do.”
\t
I sighed, frustrated. I loved hearing El say that. It made sense, and it should’ve fixed everything, but it didn’t. “I do believe you, but it feels like I can’t make my brain do anything else, and I don’t know what to do.”

\t“Can I help?” El asked, holding me a little tighter.

\t“Maybe. I don’t think you can fix it, but maybe it can be less bad.”

\t“Can you please talk to me about how you’re feeling if this happens again? I can’t help if I have to guess if you’re upset or not. I don’t want to make things worse by accident.”

\tIt was a hard ask. I hesitated, then answered. “I’ll try. I don’t know if I can do it, but I want to. I promise I’ll try.”

\tThe two of us lay together for several long minutes, relaxing into each others’ bodies. I nuzzled against my boyfriend’s neck, my lips planting delicate kisses along his jawbone. He gazed down at me, the raw compassion in his eyes making me melt, the edges of his mouth slowly curving into a naughty smirk.

\t“Hey Corey?” He teased. “I was thinking about what you said earlier. Can you do me a favor? Please?”

\t“Absolutely.” I answered without thinking.

\t“Can I suck you off?”

\tI almost choked. Elliot snickered, a coy predator watching me process my surprise. “Pretty please? I want to rub your balls until you cum in my mouth.”

\tEl had never been this forward before. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. This was exactly the kind of activity I’d been trying to steer us away from, and he was begging for it.

\t“O-Okay...” I felt mortified, but his teasing, combined with how close he still was to me, already had my dick starting to swell. With the blueballing from yesterday, it was almost uncomfortable to be hard again. Actually getting some release was exactly what my body wanted, now that I was fed and rested.

\t“Yay!” The ermine cheered, wasting no time in wiggling himself between my legs. With his good paw, he deftly slipped out of his bottoms and tossed them onto the floor, leaving both of our arousals on full display. “Just say ‘stop’ or ‘wait’ if you need to, okay?”

\tHe stroked my inner thigh, but waited for my affirmative nod before going any further. It was odd to think that I could still feel embarrassed in front of Elliot, but having his attention fully focused on my genitals, with nothing to occupy myself with, felt like being under a microscope. “Do you want me to touch you too?”

\t“Nope! Trust me, I’ve got that taken care of.” He chirped before diving in.

\tHe started slow, cupping my scrotum in his bandaged paw and giving it little playful squeezes. As I continued getting harder, he licked at my shaft, coaxing me to full mast. He took a moment to admire me, teasing me with with his warm breath against my tip, before he sucked it into his mouth.

\tI shuddered into the mattress, letting the feeling wash over me. El’s slow start was now replaced with obvious enthusiasm, as he used his tongue to squeeze me against the roof of his mouth as he bobbed up and down. He might not be experienced, but he was much more committed than I expected.

\tI was glad of his paw’s continued work just below. Our prior session had left a lingering soreness in both testicles, but his touch was a much-needed balm, practically milking me. It reassured me, each caress promising that it was okay, I didn’t need to hurt or deny myself. El was here to make me feel good, make sure I finished, and he was doing a damn good job.

\tI watched him work, his eyes locked on mine as he continued to pleasure me. I noticed that his other paw had also gotten busy, and the boy was masturbating with almost as much enthusiasm as he was showing me. He was rock hard, already dripping… and I hadn’t even needed to work for it. He’d gotten like that just from touching me.

\tThe thought caused my breathing to drop lower, and I already felt pressure building at the base of my spine. Wanting this to last just a little longer, I tried to relax,  giving the pressure more room to build without spilling over. I let the little aches, muscles taut with hours worth of stress, go slack and start to fade. My head was melting in the best way. It was like floating, as if El was cradling my entire body and bearing me gently upwards into the sky.

\tPleasant as it was, my flight of fancy had a time limit. I was close enough now that I’d be over the edge any second. This is where I usually felt some trepidation, like I was doing something wrong. Normally I’d be worried that my semen would taste worse than El’s did, and that he wouldn’t like it. Though, though the warm and comforting haze, that voice was quiet. Instead, I just really, really wanted to cum.

\t“El, I’m r-really close.” I huffed, running a paw along the top of his head. My boyfriend hummed, clamping around me and sucking, the pressure bringing his eager tongue into even tighter contact with my cock. Panting, I started thrusting into him, keeping his head in place. El squealed happily, his eyes sparkling as he wordlessly egged me on. Emboldened, I humped faster and harder, slapping my balls against Elliot’s chin. I needed this, my body was crying out for release, and against all odds the ermine was happy to oblige.

\tI hilted myself in my boyfriend’s maw as the dam broke. I moaned, words beyond me as I shot load after load into him, The soreness hadn’t faded, but the relief was incredible. I drained myself completely, letting the last of my tension flow out of me in hot spurts.

\tElliot stayed in place, not moving, but suckling on me as my orgasm faded. My softened length popped out oh his mouth, but he was still rock hard, and his hips were starting to buck as he finished swallowing my load.

\t“C’mere.” I said, reaching toward him. He crawled forward, snuggling against my chest as he kept stroking himself.

\t“I’m really close too, Corey.” He panted.

\t“Do you want to finish on me?”

\tHe clamored on top of me, shaking, bucking his hips faster now. I pulled his lips towards mine, letting his tongue snake into my mouth as he bucked a final time, spraying hot ropes of cum onto my fur. It was thick, and pungent, and I didn’t dare stop kissing him as he marked me with his scent. I felt warm and safe as he collapsed on top of me, claiming me as his.

\tWe rested in a heap, breathing deeply of each other. El was just as spent as I was, and seemed happy to spend the quiet moments snuggled up with me. Tragically, we didn’t have the full night ahead of us, and the clock soon called us to wash up and change the sheets.

-----

\tWe showered together. I was massaging shampoo into Elliot’s scalp, comforted by the cascade of water and steam. “Feeling any better?” He asked, eyes closed against the suds.

\t“Yeah, a lot better. My head feels more normal. Thanks for calming me down. The water bottle, the snack, the… y’know.”

\t“The other snack?”

\tI snorted. “Yeah, that. It all helped a lot.”

\t“That’s post-nut clarify for you. Clears your head right up.”

\tI purred an affirmative, rinsing his fur with hot water.

\t“Corey.” Elliot said. “I need you not to freak out.”

\tI frowned. “El, I’m trying, but I can’t promise that. I wish I could.”

\t“No, I need to tell you something, and I need you to freak out about that specifically.” He continued before I could process what he was saying. “Corey, I want to tell my parents about us.”

\tMy blood ran cold. “El, no.” Visceral horror coursed through me. I gathered him in my paws like a broken plate. “You don’t know what could happen. They could hurt you. You can’t do that for me.”
\t
He patted my paw, trying to comfort me. “It’s not really for you, Corey. It’s for me. I’m sick of deep-cleaning my room whenever you come over. I don’t want to keep pretending whenever dad asks if there’s a girl I like. I want to hold my boyfriend’s paw in public. They’re going to find out eventually anyway. I just want to be the real me.”

\tI was trembling. What he said made sense, but did little for the looming terror that I might lose the boy I loved. “C-can I stay with you when you do?”

\tHe looked up at me sadly. “Man, you are so brave. Thank you, but I have to do this by myself. If I need somewhere to stay tonight, just in case, could I stay at your place?

\tI nodded, cradling him in my arms. “Elliot, I love you so much. Please be safe, okay?

\tHe took my paw, squeezing it. “Okay.” The remainder of our evening passed like a well kept cemetery; somber, but in a way that felt appropriate. As I left, the door swung shut, sealing the tomb behind me.

-----

\tMom’s apartment was quieter tonight. She and Mike were slumped in the living room, illuminated by the droning of the TV. It was a small comfort when all I could think of was Elliot, and whatever was unfolding at his house. “Hey honey.” Mom called, swirling what I hoped would be her only glass of wine. “How was your day?”

\t“Fine.” My steps were mechanical. Moving myself further inside was a dull chore. This wasn’t what was important. “Hey, Elliot might come by later and hang out in my room. Is that okay?”

\tMom hummed noncommittally, sipping her glass. Mike piped up, “I’d been wondering when I’d get to meet him, considering how much time you spend at his place. It should be fine if your friend spends the night, right?” He turned to mom for the final say. It wasn’t as if he’d rented the apartment, after all.

\t“Boyfriend.”

\tI hadn’t realized I’d said anything out loud. I’d broken the secret without even realizing it. I could’ve been mortified, but I couldn’t bring it to the forefront of my mind. “He’s not my friend, he’s my boyfriend.”  The dam was open now, and I carelessly let the flood do its work.

\tMom cackled, a harsh sound that ripped across the room. “With the rich kid? Good for you, honey. Of course he’s welcome. If you ever need advice on keeping him happy, I’m always here for you.” She grinned like she’d cornered a mouse, but I barely noticed. I trudged toward my room, but was stopped before I managed to leave the conversation.

\t“Thanks for telling us, Corey.” I hadn’t realized that Mike had been quiet up until now. His voice was almost too soft for me to hear. “Your mom’s right, if you need anything, we’re here for you.”

\tI almost ignored him, but my restraint had been worn down to a nub by the events of the day, and I let my thoughts spill out. “I also want to start eating healthier. Could you not bring me any fast food for dinner anymore?”

\tMom frowned. I didn’t hang around to see Mike’s reaction. Muttering out a quick “G’night,” I hurried off to my room. Throwing down my things, I pulled out my laptop, waiting for a message from Elliot. Minutes bled together, perhaps into hours, as I half-watched the screen, before a message appeared.

\t'Went better than expected. Can you meet me at the park?'

-----

\tThe park was clearly meant for younger kids, with a bright yellow and red playground in the center. The nighttime shadows turned the slides and human-bars into long shadows, standing guard across the grounds. Elliot was already inside the gazebo, waiting. I tore across the yard, panting, and joined him inside.

\tI wrapped him into my arms, feeling him safe, and intact, without even a bruise or scratch. I kissed the back of his palm, and moved up along his arm to his chin, each kiss banishing a phantom injury from the boy. He let me cradle him, my heart coming back to rest, until my curiosity could replace it.

\t“So what happened?”

\tElliot smiled like a fresh-lit candle. He pulled us onto a nearby bench, keeping our arms entwined. “It’s not all good news, but we’re safe. Both of us. Telling them was awkward as hell, but I’m glad I did it. Mom did that whole hysterical-fake-crying thing she always does, and decided she wanted to hug me to death. Dad seemed more confused than anything… but he said he wants to have you over for dinner sometime. He asked what you liked, so that seems like a good sign, right?”

\tI let out a slow exhale. “You said it wasn’t all good news?”

\tHe looked sheepish. “Yeah… they were really worried about what my grandparents, and the rest of the family would think. They want me to make sure I don’t post or get tagged in anything online that could… y’know, out me.”
\t
I pulled his head against my chest, letting him snuggle against me. As close as we were, a thin line of tension remained in both of our bodies. As much as we wanted to let it go, we couldn’t yet.

\tElliot nuzzled me. “This is better though, right? We can go on actual dates now.” He gave me a quick squeeze. “I want to show you off.”
\t
I chuckled. The complement still stung, but only just. “Are you kidding? I get to show everyone the cute guy I bagged, and you want to show me off?”

\t“Duh. Corey, can you do me a favor? Can you keep this in mind when you brain is being mean to you? I took a big risk today because I want to be with you. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t like you, so maybe you can be a little nicer to yourself?”

\tIt was a big ask, but he was right. Sitting with him in the glow of the distant streetlights, feeling the warmth of him on my chest, I felt better than I had in a while. Through the lingering embarrassment, I didn’t want to feel that awful again.

\tI pulled his lips to mine, wordlessly breathing my gratitude and a promise to be better into his waiting lips. “I will.” I said, breaking the kiss. “Love you.”

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