Dear L,
I'm 19 and starting my third year of university. Studies are going fine, obviously, but there's more to life than academics and I seem to be failing that utterly and completely. Yes, I'm a horrible nerd who keeps herself entertained with science fiction and fantasy, vice president of the computer club and all, but that isn't the issue. Yes, I'm a bit overweight and pudgy and should be working out more, but that's something that can be altered.
The problem is that in many ways I'm further on the zoomorphic end of the body structure scale. This wouldn't be a problem if I was a boy. Men with sheaths and knots and flares and barbs, with multiple nipples and hunched shoulders, that's considered “Masculine” and “Virile,” leading to the notion of being “an animal in bed.” No, I'm a girl, and, well, such primal traits are viewed less positively. Girls with teat rows certainly don't get put up on billboards, and in porn (and I've seen a lot of porn, I'll get to that later) you see just the pert, tight, human slit on the girls, sometimes the most exotic is an equine vulva, but it still looks normal, if a little puffy. Boys can be animals, girls better be cute, perfectly built humans with ears and tails.
I've had a couple attempts of lovemaking before. Once was someone I met online and met in the meatspace at FantaCon. We got to talking about some racier things and one thing lead to another and he groped me and felt my vulva and got disgusted. I guess I should have considered myself lucky then, all things considering. The first time, I was going out with the treasurer of the computer club for about ten months. Finally we were in the comp lab way late after school. He got undressed, then I did. I think his erectile tissue deflated faster than a popped balloon. I guess I should have expected that, but then he chewed me out for not telling him sooner. I don't know, when is the best time to tell a boy “I'm built like a freak?” To add salt to the wound, he was built like me, with a sheath, barbs, et al.
I guess it it was just the external features, that might be something to change with enough surgery (not that I particularly want to. It's a lot of money and I don't see myself getting much out of it), but the worst parts are the oestrus cycles. I know some girls of all types, even anthropomorphic ones go through them, but at least according to my doctors, my body type makes them even worse. It's probably what got me to being such a connoisseur of porn, so there's at least there's something going on when you're trying to go at yourself hard and fast, desperate for that relief and temporary respite from the goings on in your body. It's called heat for a reason, and it does burn within. Anyway, I do tend to look over a great deal of it, and start to analyse the whole thing. At least in professionally done porn, those with zoomorphic anatomy, males outweigh females 98 to 1, and those females with such features often are depicted utterly brainless and happy to be dominated. Checking dating sites on-line, the guys looking for such people often come out with the same lines of “putting the beast in her place.”
I guess by now I'm just rambling off my frustrations, but the question is accurate, how and when should I tell a partner about me? I don't want to be some loud-n-proud person, but at the same time, being quiet hurts a lot of people's feelings. Any thoughts?
-Elissa
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