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He and his half-brother Zimmer were at the mall with Zimmer's band friends Seth and Jason were to find some new outfits for a gig they had in Vegas in a few weeks. The muscular, red mantrin knew things had gotten tense between him and his friends, and it all started at the infernal vitamin shop they just passed. The rest of Ulysses' buds were all too aware of this as they also stopped joking around and shoving one another when they passed the shop. \n\nZimmer, who had the closest relationship with the red mantrin, sidled up to his half-brother and gently bumped him. \n\n``You good?'' he asked, knowing full well the older mantrin had a lot on his mind. \n\n``Yeah,'' Ulysses sighed. ``I mean, there's no point in dwelling on what happened. I just can't believe I turned into such a jerk around those guys.'' \n\n``Those guys'' referred to Dirk, Coach and Gorilla - three muscle heads Ulysses had gotten close with a couple months back. They'd been all about the gym life and slowly indoctrinated the buff mantrin into it as well. As Ulysses gazed at the vitamin shop, he didn't realize until it was too late that he was slipping back in time. \n\n[center]*****\n\nOne Year Earlier\n\n*****[/center]\n\nUlysses had been working out in the local gym to burn some school stress off when the three meatheads first spotted him. Dirk, Coach and Gorilla resembled three identical slabs of muscle when they wandered over to him. Dirk was a towering minotaur, Coach a powerfully built dragon, and Gorilla a flamedramon. At the time, the mantrin had been working on the bench press and holding his own with an impressive three hundred pound pull. His arms rippled with muscle and sweat as he finished a rep of ten and slowly set the bar back into the holder. Then, suddenly, his light was blocked out by the silhouette of Dirk. The minotaur's waist and arms were absolutely bulging with muscle and his shoulders looked broad enough to bench press a barn without much trouble.\n\nDirk leaned on the bar, letting his bulky figure loom over the panting mantrin. ``Nice lifting, man. What sort of numbers are you pulling?'' \n\n``Three oh five, I think,'' Ulysses said while nodding to the discs. ``Says it right there.'' \n\nFor some reason Dirk turned bright red and Ulysses worried he'd done something wrong until the lunk named Gorilla elbowed his doppleganger and laughed. ``Dirk's not so good with numbers unless he can count them off his fingers.'' \n\nDirk went even redder and slugged the flamedramon in his chiseled gut. ``Shut up, idiot. I just didn't see the numbers.'' \n\n``Same with any girl's numbers, too,'' the other meathead - Coach - coughed into his fist. Before Ulysses knew it, the three of them were engaging in a Three Stooges style battle. As quietly as he could, the mantrin slipped out from under the throng of shoving, swinging limbs and bounced for the exit. He almost made it and, when thinking back on it, so very much wished he'd made it, but Dirk managed to snag the mantrin around the arm and stop him in his tracks. \n\nUlysses wasn't sure what about the three big meatheads appealed to him, but he found their rugged closeness sort of endearing. Also, despite Dirk's shortcomings with counting and Gorilla and Coach always seeming to be on the verge of knocking one another out, the three of them knew more about working out than anyone the mantrin had ever met. After stopping Ulysses at the door, they sweet talked him into letting them turn him into the biggest, baddest mantrin in town. They'd show him how to eat properly, work out, stretch, dress, and bulk up. And they wanted nothing in return. \n\nUlysses was all too happy to go along with it. Over the following nine months, the mantrin bulked up tremendously. His daily routine quickly became fixated on going to the gym and increasing his muscle mass. As time slipped by, those closest to him also began to notice a change in his personality. Initially, Ulysses came across as a quiet, albeit somewhat short tempered individual. He was very bright, highly motivated and got along with most people as long as they were alright with being patient. But over the course of that year, his patience whittled down to a razor's edge. It got to the point where he found himself growing bored of anything that wasn't working out in the gym. He'd argue bluntly with Coach, Dirk and Gorilla and, although they seemed to reciprocate this bolder, more aggressive form of self-expression, long time friends like Zimmer, Seth and Jason found him to be alienating. \n\nTo make matters worse, Ulysses started to let the gym dominate his life. The mantrin would become far more intense in his workouts than what any sane person could consider healthy, and the slightest interruption set him off. Things came to a head when he was doing chest curls at the gym and an unfortunate college freshman wandered a little too close to him. Ulysses exploded on the kid, yelling and storming up to him. Only his three musclehead friends kept him from taking things further. After dragging the buff mantrin out of the gym with several members of staff on their tail telling the mantrin he was no longer welcome at their establishment, the beefy bros told him to calm down. \n\nThis proved to be the turning point for Ulysses. If these hot-headed doofuses were telling him to chill out, he must've been doing something seriously wrong. A couple days later, Ulysses found himself at a vitamin shop at the mall, where Dirk was checking out a new protein powder. By sheer, unfortunate luck, Xavier, Ulysses's younger and quite overweight half-brother, was also there looking for God only knew what. \n\nThe fatter mantrin spotted his older brother and embraced the bulky mantrin heartily. Dirk and his cronies watched in shock as Ulysses warmly greeted Xavier right back. When Ulysses introduced his brother to his gym buddies, Dirk enthusiastically offered to help the blubbery mantrin shed some of his poundage. An offer that Xavier politely refused. Resting his hands on his ample belly, the younger mantrin said he enjoyed the heft and how confident it made him feel. \n\nDirk at first thought he was joking, but when Xavier didn't relent, the snide comments started flowing. The meathead and his cronies began to mock the flabby mantrin, who looked to Ulysses for help. \n\nCaught in the cross-fire, the buff mantrin finally realized this must've been how he came across to his friends. Stepping up to Dirk, Ulysses shoved the minotaur hard enough to knock him back into Coach while telling him to knock it off. Ulysses then wrapped an arm around his younger brother and gave the stunned trio a little speech about how messed up all this gym nonsense was. Naturally, most of its eloquence was lost on them, but Xavier punctuated it nicely by stepping up and giving Gorilla a hearty belly bump that sent the stocky body-builder toppling to the floor. \n\nWhen Dirk and Coach stepped forward to confront the doughball, Ulysses intervened. \n\n``Try anything,'' he sneered in a way that stopped them both dead in their tracks, ``and you'll be drinking your vitamins through a straw.'' \n\nThe look in Ulysses's eyes must've been fierce, because the trio of dummies quickly found an excuse to depart. Once they left, the older mantrin turned and embraced his far softer brother. For the first time in a long time, Ulysses felt a part of himself return that he hadn't felt in a long time. Something he swore he'd never let go again. \n\n[center]*****\n\nPresent Day\n\n*****\n[/center]\nUlysses finally snapped out of his trance. He realized Seth and Jason, a Kineceleran and aardvark respectively, had wandered a hundred feet or so down the mall while Zimmer hung back. The mantrins walked in silence for awhile, neither of them really knowing what to say. \n\nEventually Zimmer broke the quiet. ``So, you seen Xavier recently?'' \n\n``I have,'' the older mantrin said, breaking into a smile. ``He's... looking good these days.'' \n\nZimmer nodded. ``Weighs more than you and I put together, but he's happy. Natalee really did a number on him at graduation.'' \n\nUlysses grit his teeth. He'd heard of his younger brother's high school bully and a protective instinct washed over him whenever he thought about it. But he also knew if he tried intervening, it might backfire. One of the hardest things he'd ever done was refrain from stopping by his brother's highschool to pay her a visit. Hearing Xavier had turned out okay had been one of the most relieving days of his life. \n\n``Well it seems like our family is good at overcoming tough barriers. Whether they're created by others or...'' he looked squarely at Zimmer, ``self-inflicted.'' \n\nZimmer stared back at his half-brother. Then he reached over and socked the buffer mantrin square in the shoulder, making Ulysses yelp. \n\n``What the hell was that for?'' he gasped. ``God, you punch hard.'' \n\n``You need to stop beating yourself up for getting wrapped up in all that body building silliness. I've said we're fine like twenty times and you're still being hard on yourself. It's pathetic, so take my punch as a peace offering.'' \n\nUlysses fumed for a moment while rubbing his aching bicep. Then he slowly grinned and pulled Zimmer into an arm lock. ``Try that again and I'll bench press you in front of your friends.'' \n\n``Urk,'' the slender mantrin groaned. ``Fine. Fine! Lemme go.'' \n\nReleasing his half-brother, Ulysses continued through the mall where they found Seth and Jason rummaging around in a travel store. They were stocking up on snacks, road games, travel brochures and other items. \n\nUlysses looked mystified and turned to Zimmer who made a little ``oooh, yeah'' sound. ``We have a gig in Vegas,'' he explained. ``It's this weekend and it's an eight hour drive down there. I completely forgot.'' He tapped his chin for a moment. ``Would you be interested in going with us? You'd get free room and board as a roadie and the drinks are pretty good. Plus with a body like that, you'd get plenty of attention.'' \n\nUlysses considered it for a moment. Then he took out his phone and began scrolling through it. ``You know, that actually might be perfect,'' he said as he found what he wanted and held it up. ``This is going down the same weekend and I was wanting to go, but couldn't afford a flight.'' \n\nZimmer leaned forward to see a poster of some truly fat furs facing off one another in the ring. ``Sumo Smackdown,'' he read aloud as Jason and Seth came up behind him. ``Watch as these titans of combat face off against one another at the Caesar Sports Complex. Winner gets $500,000.'' Zimmer whistled. ``I guess if we shoved a hose down Xavier's throat now, he might be big enough to win by the time we get down there.'' \n\nUlysses laughed and pocketed his phone. ``Yeah, I'm sure Xavier would just love to run around in his underwear in front of thousands of people.'' \n\n``Oh, I don't know about that,'' a new voice piped up, instantly making the laugh die on Ulysses's lips. ``That lardball would be pretty formidable in the ring.'' \n\nUlysses, Zimmer, Jason and Seth all turned to find three most unwelcome bodybuilders had just entered the travel shop. A burly minotaur, stock flamedramon, and buff dragon stepped into the shop, their broad shoulders blocking the entrance. \n\nDirk, the massively built bull in the front, snorted in Ulysses's face. ``You know, I still haven't thanked your lardass brother for belly bumping Gorilla to the ground.'' \n\n``Seems like Gorilla needs to stop skipping leg day if he was dropped on his ass so easily,'' the mantrin replied cooly. \n\nInstantly, Dirk's cocky grin dropped and he stepped forward. Ulysses didn't budge. He was surprised to find he felt no fear whatsoever now that he knew what the Three Stooges were like. They lacked very little in the brains department, though that didn't stop Zimmer and his friends from taking a couple steps back.\n\n``You dorks are just jealous of us,'' he sneered. \n\n``Of what?'' Zimmer threw out. ``The fact that you can put your shirt on the right way every morning? Newsflash, that's not the life-changing accomplishment you think it is.'' \n\nDirk's face turned purple from rage, but he tried not to let it show. ``Well you know what I could do,'' he growled, before flexing an impressively sized bicep. ``I'll bet my little ol' muscles here could kick any of those fatasses in the tournament.'' \n\nUlysses, Zimmer and the other all snorted and shook their heads. ``I don't think you know what sort of competition this is, dude,'' Zimmer said. ``Even I know that these sumo guys are on another level. You might have the muscle, that I will agree with. But they have muscle and fat. They'd push you all over the ring until you got dizzy.'' \n\n``Is that a challenge, bro?'' \n\nZimmer realized he was in a bit of a crossroads. He wanted to say, ``Damn, right it is!'' but he also didn't want to have to deal with Dirk in the car when he and his band inevitably became the ones who took Dirk down there. \n\nUnfortunately, Seth had other plans. The snarky Kineceleran stepped forward and poked the minotaur in his chest. ``Damn, right it is!'' he said, making Zimmer sigh. ``Why don't you ride down with us on Thursday? We'll play Friday and then come watch your ass get smoked on Saturday. How's that sound?'' \n\nZimmer and Jason were shooting daggers at the lanky lead singer, but the Kineceleran didn't seem to notice. \n\nLooking smug, Dirk put a couple fingers in Ulysses chest and shoved him backward. ``Hope you'll be watching this thing go down on TV, bro. Cuz you're about to see how much muscle triumphs over brains and... uh... fat and stuff!'' \n\n``Oh, yeah,'' Ulysses said in a very bored tone. ``Can't wait to see you vanquish fat... and stuff. Very well put, Dirk. You're truly a scholar for the ages.'' \n\n``Don't make me come looking for you after the showdown, mantrin,'' the minotaur huffed. ``I'm gonna win this thing and you're gonna swallow your tail.'' \n\n``Can't wait,'' the mantrin said and blew the minotaur a kiss.\n\nDirk ignored him and pointed a blunt finger at Zimmer. ``Thursday, 8AM, 8325 Shallowtone Drive. I'll be waiting to get dominating. Don't be late.'' \n\n``Wouldn't miss it for the world,'' Zimmer called. \n\nSeth stepped forward. ``Also, we're pooling the cost of gas and stuff. It's about two hundred per, so make sure you have that on hand.'' \n\nDirk looked like he wanted to argue, but even someone as dense as the minotaur had to respect basic travel edicate. ``Need me to drive too?'' \n\n``Nah,'' Seth chuckled. ``I don't wanna see how you operate anything that doesn't have training wheels. Now get going you big lunk.'' \n\nThe minotaur seemed confused by Seth. The Kineceleran had a disarming charm to him when he addressed them in a bold, sarcastic way. After the three meatheads departed, Ulysses also excused himself. \n\n``I gotta work this weekend, so I won't be able to come down in person. But I will definitely have the channel on ESPN, so if Dirk's really serious about this thing, I hope you guys get him in there. Those sumos will smear the floor with him. Some of them looked like walking mountains. Those bellies...'' he blushed and shook his head. ``Well I gotta head out. Best of luck with Dirk the Dingus.''\n\nThe band bid Ulysses farewell and, once he was gone, Zimmer and Jason wheeled around on their lead singer. \n\n``Are you CRAZY?!'' Zimmer almost yelled. ``What on earth would make you want to give that mongoloid a ride anywhere, let alone eight hours to Las Vegas?''\n\n``I don't know how much muscle talk I can take,'' Jason threw in. ``He's gonna screw with my drumming so much. May as well get a monkey with some cymbals.'' \n\nSeth let his bandmates vent for another minute or so before finally talking. ``One, it's my van. So I get to decide who comes along. Two, he might not be as bad as he seems. And three,'' the Kineceleran paused and grinned. ``Imagine seeing those tubs of lard wipe the floor with him. Either he'll get squashed flat and sent back here with his tail between his legs or just maybe he could do well and split the pot with us.''\n\nZimmer narrowed his eyes. ``Why would he split the prize with us?''\n\n``Finder's fee,'' Seth said. ``We'll be in charge of his application and add that little stipulation when he applies. If he argues, we'll leave his butt in Vegas and he can walk home.'' \n\nThe two band members were silent for a moment. \n\n``Damn,'' Jason said. ``That's cold... but I respect it.'' \n\n``Yeah,'' Zimmer said as he started to warm up to the idea. ``I mean, how bad can he really be, anyway?''\n\n[center]*****\n\nThursday - Four Hours into the Drive to Vegas\n\n*****[/center]\n\nTo answer Zimmer's question: Dirk proved not as bad as they feared. After picking him up in the morning, the trio were pleasantly surprised to find the minotaur had packed his things rather neatly, brought plenty of snacks, and even a little travel TV. For the first hour, things actually went smoothly, with the minotaur showing an appreciation for different genres of music and being surprisingly knowledgeable about the touring scene. Seth sat in the front driving while the others hung out in the back, which had been retrofitted with beanbags and lawn chairs. It wasn't the safest option, admittedly, but Seth would be damned if he had to listen to his mates complain about being cramped in the old leather seats. Zimmer and Jason sat next to one another against one side in a pair of beanbags while Dirk sprawled out on an old sofa bolted to the floor. The set up was quite comfortable and what one could almost describe as pleasant.\n\nBut this fun didn't last too long. It all came to a head when they were discussing soundtracks in movies and Seth casually mentioned how iconic the Terminator soundtrack was. This got Dirk going on a tangent about how shredded Schwarzeneggar was and how, despite him being the governor of California at one point, would most likely never become president because, to quote Dirk, ``He's shredded, man. And no one wants a shredded guy in the office. They'd all be jealous of him.'' \n\nZimmer and Jason sat silently as the stupidity of that little gem clouded up the van like a fog. Eventually, Zimmer got Seth to pull over at a gas station to let him out so he could clear his head. The mantrin could tell this would be a long ride. \n\n``So you don't think there's more to life than muscle,'' the mantrin asked as he faced the buff minotaur. ``Like you think all those billionaires are missing out because they're not built like you?'' \n\nDirk shrugged. ``I mean, it's cool if they're into the charity stuff and whole betterment of furs everyone, but yeah. Like how can you be happy looking like a rake, no offense.'' \n\nZimmer was surprised he actually wasn't offended. Dirk had a way of being up front and honest with his beliefs. Sure he annoyed the hell out of the mantrin, but he could see how the minotaur must've grown on Ulysses. Someone who told it how it was and concretely believed they were right. \n\n``So do you think George Washington would've been better remembered for freeing the country or being swole?'' Seth said from up front as he grinned to Dirk from the rearview mirror. \n\n``Oh, swole for sure,'' Dirk said immediately as he flexed one of his biceps for the umpteenth time. ``Watch those red coats try to overthrow these guns.'' \n\nSeth snorted. ``Yes, I'm sure if they saw you manning the forts, they would've tucked tail and run long ago. Mount Rushmore would've been changed to Mount Gains More.'' \n\nDirk either didn't seem to pick up on Seth's mocking or didn't really care, but he fed right into this cycle of indulgence from the Kineceleran as they navigated the half-busy highways. Zimmer wasn't sure how his friend found the energy or interest to indulge Dirk's lackluster wit, but he was fine with ignoring it. As long as Dirk didn't ask him another question about hitting the gym or putting on pounds, the mantrin could accept this long, desolate car ride might not be the worst thing to come around. \n\nJason seemed to be on a similar mindset as the mantrin. He played the drums silently on a muted pad with headphones wrapped around his long ears. Only the soft ``rat-tat-tat'' could be heard as he went through the sheets they'd be playing at the bar they'd booked. \n\nAfter ten minutes or so of silence, Dirk finally changed the subject to something that wasn't bodybuilding. ``So why're you guys going all the way to Vegas anyway? I thought our town would've had plenty of gigs.'' \n\n``We're playing the opener at a new club,'' Zimmer explained slowly. He wasn't sure if the minotaur was going to make more fun of them, but he was grateful for the change in subject. ``Place is called the Onyx and it's supposed to be a pretty good launching point to get a foothold in the rest of the Vegas scene.'' He smiled. ``If you give us a shout out during the sumo match, that could help even more.'' \n\nDirk nodded as he seriously considered it. ``Could definitely do that,'' he murmured. ``I mean it's the least I could do after you guys gave me a ride and everything. Maybe you could even let me play the tambourine when you go up on stage.'' \n\nThere was dead silence from the others as Zimmer looked to Jason and Seth peered at them all in the rearview mirror. \n\nThen Dirk burst out laughing and shook his head. ``I'm joking, guys. I know I don't have a musical bone in my body.''\n\nThe rest of the van breathed a sigh of relief and laughed nervously to one another. ``You know it might not be a bad idea,'' Seth piped up after a moment. ``We could have Dirk wear his sumo loincloth up on stage and dance around while shaking his butt to our tunes. Might be weird, but you have to admit it would be hard to forget. Plus, it's Vegas.'' \n\n``Hey, I'm up for it,'' Dirk said. ``Though I would protest the use of my outer beauty as a means of making money to appeal to the masses who are conditioned by societal expectations to crave the look of the ideal male figure.''\n\nAnother beat of silence followed along with another burst of laughter from Dirk. This time Zimmer actually laughed with genuine humor while Jason shook his head and focused on his drums. Seth caught Zimmer's eye and winked at the mantrin. \n\nAfter another hour passing with everyone having gone fairly silent, Zimmer finally had to address something he'd been thinking about for the entire car ride. ``Dirk,'' he said politely while taking out his phone. ``I wanted to ask you something.'' \n\nThe minotaur immediately blushed and shifted his weight. ``Look man, I'm flattered and everything, but I don't swing that way. I have some friends that could-''\n\n``Dirk,'' Zimmer said through tight lips. ``Shut up.'' \n\nFor once the minotaur meathead did as he was told, while Jason and Seth stifled snorts of laughter. \n\nClearing his throat, the mantrin pulled up the page for the sumo challenge and began scrolling through the pictures of the contenders. The first contestant - a giant, silver draft horse who looked like he'd swallowed a silo - posed smugly with his arms folded over a stomach that sagged almost to his knees. It was a miracle he seemed to even be able to stand upright. Beside his name, which read ``The Iron Stallion'' were some very imposing stats, including his weight, height, and bout record. \n\n``Dirk, how much do you weigh?'' Zimmer asked. \n\n``Three seventy five,'' the minotaur answered. \n\n``This horse weighs eight hundred pounds,'' the mantrin said. ``He's seven foot six and you're...''\n\n``Six five,'' Dirk answered, still sounding unfazed. \n\nZimmer looked to Jason, who merely shrugged. ``Dirk have you ever in your life come across a fur who weighed over eight hundred pounds? Have you ever tried to deadlift that much?'' \n\nThe minotaur considered it for a moment and then shook his head. \n\n``So what makes you think you can take these guys on? I mean they're walking monsters. They're huge, they're fat, they're heavy as hell. If you walked up to one of them and tried to block a belly bump, you'd be sent flying into orbit. I'm not trying to discourage you or insult you, I'm just trying to figure out how you can be so confident. This horse guy looks like he could eat you and walk away.'' \n\n``More like waddle,'' the minotaur sneered. ``Look at the belly on that guy. He could barely get out of bed, I'll bet.'' \n\n``Actually, he can do more,'' Zimmer continued. He clicked on a small video beside the horse's name and a window popped up showing the same swollen stud going through a series of workouts including all the ones Dirk was familiar with. And this tub of lard was pulling and lifting numbers very close to what the minotaur maxed out at. \n\nSwallowing hard, Dirk waved a paw through the air. ``Ahh, he's just an outlier. Some freak of nature. I'll be-''\n\nZimmer flicked up on his phone and revealed another contender. This one a morbidly obese dragon who, while not as tall as the horse, had to be several feet wider. His blue and silver stomach bowed outward like a circus tent to almost brush the ground. His moobs were barely restrained by his shirt and he had flabby biceps that were twice as thick around as Dirk's. \n\nThe minotaur's eyes flickered down to the stats. He only saw four digits in the weight column and a six-foot-something in the height before he looked away. \n\nZimmer's thumb hovered over the video that would undoubtedly show this scaly monstrosity doing all sorts of squats and presses that would put the minotaur's to shame. \n\n``Still think your chances are good?'' the mantrin asked as he slid his phone back into his pocket. \n\nDirk's ears flickered down for a moment, then his face lit up once again. ``Actually, I might!'' he said. ``I'll bet you those lard balls can barely move around without almost keeling over. You said so yourself that they're big and strong, but what about agility?'' He got to his hooves and began dancing around the van, throwing phantom punches into the air. ``Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, right? More like float like a blimp, sink like a barge.'' \n\n``You do realize you won't be able to punch them either, right?'' Zimmer sighed, though he was beginning to see that this argument would be futile no matter what. ``It would be like punching a mattress.'' \n\n``A mattress that can't move,'' the bull growled. ``I get them angry, give those bellies of theirs a workout, they lumber after me and I use these bad boys to finish the job.'' \n\n``You know what?'' Seth called from the front seat as he guided the van into a turn at their exit toward Vegas. ``That sounds like a great plan, big guy. You should definitely use that strategy when you hit the ring. Sumo really is just about the biggest fatass bouncing another fatass over a white line. If you get in there, most of those blobs won't know what hit them.''\n\nDirk puffed up at the Kineceleran's words, once again missing hsi sarcasm. The minotaur looked so happy in fact that Zimmer almost wanted to tell him the truth. But then he reminded himself that he already had tried. This seemed like the type of situation where it would be better for actions to speak louder than words. And, after eight hours of Dirk bragging about himself non-stop, the mantrin actually wouldn't mind seeing a little action above all the hot air Dirk had been spouting. He also needed a bathroom break, a shower, a strong drink and a bed. Preferably one not covered in minotaur fur. After that, maybe, just maybe would he feel up for talking with the doofy bull again. \n\nAs Seth wound down over the mountains that ringed Las Vegas's desolate valley, the world's most famous strip of casinos laid itself out in the blistering heat. Hotels, statues, spires, roller coasters, rooftop bars, strip clubs, and much more blasted the four furs with a wave of tacky advertisements and lewd callings to come visit the city of sin. Zimmer was happy to oblige if it meant his band would get their big break. If they played well at the Onyx, they just might be able to go full time. \n\nAnd if, by some miracle, Dirk did well in this sumo thing, they might come away with some money as well. He was smart enough to put no stock in such an eventuality, but it was fun to imagine the possibilities. This was Vegas after all. The city where hopes and dreams could come true with the flick of a card. And a mantrin's lifelong pursuit of success could be achieved with the right notes played or the bump of a heavily overfed belly. \n\n","writing_bbcode_parsed":"Sumo Size Me Part 1
By Callum
Ulysses couldn't help staring into space a little. He and his half-brother Zimmer were at the mall with Zimmer's band friends Seth and Jason were to find some new outfits for a gig they had in Vegas in a few weeks. The muscular, red mantrin knew things had gotten tense between him and his friends, and it all started at the infernal vitamin shop they just passed. The rest of Ulysses' buds were all too aware of this as they also stopped joking around and shoving one another when they passed the shop.
Zimmer, who had the closest relationship with the red mantrin, sidled up to his half-brother and gently bumped him.
``You good?'' he asked, knowing full well the older mantrin had a lot on his mind.
``Yeah,'' Ulysses sighed. ``I mean, there's no point in dwelling on what happened. I just can't believe I turned into such a jerk around those guys.''
``Those guys'' referred to Dirk, Coach and Gorilla - three muscle heads Ulysses had gotten close with a couple months back. They'd been all about the gym life and slowly indoctrinated the buff mantrin into it as well. As Ulysses gazed at the vitamin shop, he didn't realize until it was too late that he was slipping back in time.
*****
One Year Earlier
*****
Ulysses had been working out in the local gym to burn some school stress off when the three meatheads first spotted him. Dirk, Coach and Gorilla resembled three identical slabs of muscle when they wandered over to him. Dirk was a towering minotaur, Coach a powerfully built dragon, and Gorilla a flamedramon. At the time, the mantrin had been working on the bench press and holding his own with an impressive three hundred pound pull. His arms rippled with muscle and sweat as he finished a rep of ten and slowly set the bar back into the holder. Then, suddenly, his light was blocked out by the silhouette of Dirk. The minotaur's waist and arms were absolutely bulging with muscle and his shoulders looked broad enough to bench press a barn without much trouble.
Dirk leaned on the bar, letting his bulky figure loom over the panting mantrin. ``Nice lifting, man. What sort of numbers are you pulling?''
``Three oh five, I think,'' Ulysses said while nodding to the discs. ``Says it right there.''
For some reason Dirk turned bright red and Ulysses worried he'd done something wrong until the lunk named Gorilla elbowed his doppleganger and laughed. ``Dirk's not so good with numbers unless he can count them off his fingers.''
Dirk went even redder and slugged the flamedramon in his chiseled gut. ``Shut up, idiot. I just didn't see the numbers.''
``Same with any girl's numbers, too,'' the other meathead - Coach - coughed into his fist. Before Ulysses knew it, the three of them were engaging in a Three Stooges style battle. As quietly as he could, the mantrin slipped out from under the throng of shoving, swinging limbs and bounced for the exit. He almost made it and, when thinking back on it, so very much wished he'd made it, but Dirk managed to snag the mantrin around the arm and stop him in his tracks.
Ulysses wasn't sure what about the three big meatheads appealed to him, but he found their rugged closeness sort of endearing. Also, despite Dirk's shortcomings with counting and Gorilla and Coach always seeming to be on the verge of knocking one another out, the three of them knew more about working out than anyone the mantrin had ever met. After stopping Ulysses at the door, they sweet talked him into letting them turn him into the biggest, baddest mantrin in town. They'd show him how to eat properly, work out, stretch, dress, and bulk up. And they wanted nothing in return.
Ulysses was all too happy to go along with it. Over the following nine months, the mantrin bulked up tremendously. His daily routine quickly became fixated on going to the gym and increasing his muscle mass. As time slipped by, those closest to him also began to notice a change in his personality. Initially, Ulysses came across as a quiet, albeit somewhat short tempered individual. He was very bright, highly motivated and got along with most people as long as they were alright with being patient. But over the course of that year, his patience whittled down to a razor's edge. It got to the point where he found himself growing bored of anything that wasn't working out in the gym. He'd argue bluntly with Coach, Dirk and Gorilla and, although they seemed to reciprocate this bolder, more aggressive form of self-expression, long time friends like Zimmer, Seth and Jason found him to be alienating.
To make matters worse, Ulysses started to let the gym dominate his life. The mantrin would become far more intense in his workouts than what any sane person could consider healthy, and the slightest interruption set him off. Things came to a head when he was doing chest curls at the gym and an unfortunate college freshman wandered a little too close to him. Ulysses exploded on the kid, yelling and storming up to him. Only his three musclehead friends kept him from taking things further. After dragging the buff mantrin out of the gym with several members of staff on their tail telling the mantrin he was no longer welcome at their establishment, the beefy bros told him to calm down.
This proved to be the turning point for Ulysses. If these hot-headed doofuses were telling him to chill out, he must've been doing something seriously wrong. A couple days later, Ulysses found himself at a vitamin shop at the mall, where Dirk was checking out a new protein powder. By sheer, unfortunate luck, Xavier, Ulysses's younger and quite overweight half-brother, was also there looking for God only knew what.
The fatter mantrin spotted his older brother and embraced the bulky mantrin heartily. Dirk and his cronies watched in shock as Ulysses warmly greeted Xavier right back. When Ulysses introduced his brother to his gym buddies, Dirk enthusiastically offered to help the blubbery mantrin shed some of his poundage. An offer that Xavier politely refused. Resting his hands on his ample belly, the younger mantrin said he enjoyed the heft and how confident it made him feel.
Dirk at first thought he was joking, but when Xavier didn't relent, the snide comments started flowing. The meathead and his cronies began to mock the flabby mantrin, who looked to Ulysses for help.
Caught in the cross-fire, the buff mantrin finally realized this must've been how he came across to his friends. Stepping up to Dirk, Ulysses shoved the minotaur hard enough to knock him back into Coach while telling him to knock it off. Ulysses then wrapped an arm around his younger brother and gave the stunned trio a little speech about how messed up all this gym nonsense was. Naturally, most of its eloquence was lost on them, but Xavier punctuated it nicely by stepping up and giving Gorilla a hearty belly bump that sent the stocky body-builder toppling to the floor.
When Dirk and Coach stepped forward to confront the doughball, Ulysses intervened.
``Try anything,'' he sneered in a way that stopped them both dead in their tracks, ``and you'll be drinking your vitamins through a straw.''
The look in Ulysses's eyes must've been fierce, because the trio of dummies quickly found an excuse to depart. Once they left, the older mantrin turned and embraced his far softer brother. For the first time in a long time, Ulysses felt a part of himself return that he hadn't felt in a long time. Something he swore he'd never let go again.
*****
Present Day
*****
Ulysses finally snapped out of his trance. He realized Seth and Jason, a Kineceleran and aardvark respectively, had wandered a hundred feet or so down the mall while Zimmer hung back. The mantrins walked in silence for awhile, neither of them really knowing what to say.
Eventually Zimmer broke the quiet. ``So, you seen Xavier recently?''
``I have,'' the older mantrin said, breaking into a smile. ``He's... looking good these days.''
Zimmer nodded. ``Weighs more than you and I put together, but he's happy. Natalee really did a number on him at graduation.''
Ulysses grit his teeth. He'd heard of his younger brother's high school bully and a protective instinct washed over him whenever he thought about it. But he also knew if he tried intervening, it might backfire. One of the hardest things he'd ever done was refrain from stopping by his brother's highschool to pay her a visit. Hearing Xavier had turned out okay had been one of the most relieving days of his life.
``Well it seems like our family is good at overcoming tough barriers. Whether they're created by others or...'' he looked squarely at Zimmer, ``self-inflicted.''
Zimmer stared back at his half-brother. Then he reached over and socked the buffer mantrin square in the shoulder, making Ulysses yelp.
``What the hell was that for?'' he gasped. ``God, you punch hard.''
``You need to stop beating yourself up for getting wrapped up in all that body building silliness. I've said we're fine like twenty times and you're still being hard on yourself. It's pathetic, so take my punch as a peace offering.''
Ulysses fumed for a moment while rubbing his aching bicep. Then he slowly grinned and pulled Zimmer into an arm lock. ``Try that again and I'll bench press you in front of your friends.''
``Urk,'' the slender mantrin groaned. ``Fine. Fine! Lemme go.''
Releasing his half-brother, Ulysses continued through the mall where they found Seth and Jason rummaging around in a travel store. They were stocking up on snacks, road games, travel brochures and other items.
Ulysses looked mystified and turned to Zimmer who made a little ``oooh, yeah'' sound. ``We have a gig in Vegas,'' he explained. ``It's this weekend and it's an eight hour drive down there. I completely forgot.'' He tapped his chin for a moment. ``Would you be interested in going with us? You'd get free room and board as a roadie and the drinks are pretty good. Plus with a body like that, you'd get plenty of attention.''
Ulysses considered it for a moment. Then he took out his phone and began scrolling through it. ``You know, that actually might be perfect,'' he said as he found what he wanted and held it up. ``This is going down the same weekend and I was wanting to go, but couldn't afford a flight.''
Zimmer leaned forward to see a poster of some truly fat furs facing off one another in the ring. ``Sumo Smackdown,'' he read aloud as Jason and Seth came up behind him. ``Watch as these titans of combat face off against one another at the Caesar Sports Complex. Winner gets $500,000.'' Zimmer whistled. ``I guess if we shoved a hose down Xavier's throat now, he might be big enough to win by the time we get down there.''
Ulysses laughed and pocketed his phone. ``Yeah, I'm sure Xavier would just love to run around in his underwear in front of thousands of people.''
``Oh, I don't know about that,'' a new voice piped up, instantly making the laugh die on Ulysses's lips. ``That lardball would be pretty formidable in the ring.''
Ulysses, Zimmer, Jason and Seth all turned to find three most unwelcome bodybuilders had just entered the travel shop. A burly minotaur, stock flamedramon, and buff dragon stepped into the shop, their broad shoulders blocking the entrance.
Dirk, the massively built bull in the front, snorted in Ulysses's face. ``You know, I still haven't thanked your lardass brother for belly bumping Gorilla to the ground.''
``Seems like Gorilla needs to stop skipping leg day if he was dropped on his ass so easily,'' the mantrin replied cooly.
Instantly, Dirk's cocky grin dropped and he stepped forward. Ulysses didn't budge. He was surprised to find he felt no fear whatsoever now that he knew what the Three Stooges were like. They lacked very little in the brains department, though that didn't stop Zimmer and his friends from taking a couple steps back.
``You dorks are just jealous of us,'' he sneered.
``Of what?'' Zimmer threw out. ``The fact that you can put your shirt on the right way every morning? Newsflash, that's not the life-changing accomplishment you think it is.''
Dirk's face turned purple from rage, but he tried not to let it show. ``Well you know what I could do,'' he growled, before flexing an impressively sized bicep. ``I'll bet my little ol' muscles here could kick any of those fatasses in the tournament.''
Ulysses, Zimmer and the other all snorted and shook their heads. ``I don't think you know what sort of competition this is, dude,'' Zimmer said. ``Even I know that these sumo guys are on another level. You might have the muscle, that I will agree with. But they have muscle and fat. They'd push you all over the ring until you got dizzy.''
``Is that a challenge, bro?''
Zimmer realized he was in a bit of a crossroads. He wanted to say, ``Damn, right it is!'' but he also didn't want to have to deal with Dirk in the car when he and his band inevitably became the ones who took Dirk down there.
Unfortunately, Seth had other plans. The snarky Kineceleran stepped forward and poked the minotaur in his chest. ``Damn, right it is!'' he said, making Zimmer sigh. ``Why don't you ride down with us on Thursday? We'll play Friday and then come watch your ass get smoked on Saturday. How's that sound?''
Zimmer and Jason were shooting daggers at the lanky lead singer, but the Kineceleran didn't seem to notice.
Looking smug, Dirk put a couple fingers in Ulysses chest and shoved him backward. ``Hope you'll be watching this thing go down on TV, bro. Cuz you're about to see how much muscle triumphs over brains and... uh... fat and stuff!''
``Oh, yeah,'' Ulysses said in a very bored tone. ``Can't wait to see you vanquish fat... and stuff. Very well put, Dirk. You're truly a scholar for the ages.''
``Don't make me come looking for you after the showdown, mantrin,'' the minotaur huffed. ``I'm gonna win this thing and you're gonna swallow your tail.''
``Can't wait,'' the mantrin said and blew the minotaur a kiss.
Dirk ignored him and pointed a blunt finger at Zimmer. ``Thursday, 8AM, 8325 Shallowtone Drive. I'll be waiting to get dominating. Don't be late.''
``Wouldn't miss it for the world,'' Zimmer called.
Seth stepped forward. ``Also, we're pooling the cost of gas and stuff. It's about two hundred per, so make sure you have that on hand.''
Dirk looked like he wanted to argue, but even someone as dense as the minotaur had to respect basic travel edicate. ``Need me to drive too?''
``Nah,'' Seth chuckled. ``I don't wanna see how you operate anything that doesn't have training wheels. Now get going you big lunk.''
The minotaur seemed confused by Seth. The Kineceleran had a disarming charm to him when he addressed them in a bold, sarcastic way. After the three meatheads departed, Ulysses also excused himself.
``I gotta work this weekend, so I won't be able to come down in person. But I will definitely have the channel on ESPN, so if Dirk's really serious about this thing, I hope you guys get him in there. Those sumos will smear the floor with him. Some of them looked like walking mountains. Those bellies...'' he blushed and shook his head. ``Well I gotta head out. Best of luck with Dirk the Dingus.''
The band bid Ulysses farewell and, once he was gone, Zimmer and Jason wheeled around on their lead singer.
``Are you CRAZY?!'' Zimmer almost yelled. ``What on earth would make you want to give that mongoloid a ride anywhere, let alone eight hours to Las Vegas?''
``I don't know how much muscle talk I can take,'' Jason threw in. ``He's gonna screw with my drumming so much. May as well get a monkey with some cymbals.''
Seth let his bandmates vent for another minute or so before finally talking. ``One, it's my van. So I get to decide who comes along. Two, he might not be as bad as he seems. And three,'' the Kineceleran paused and grinned. ``Imagine seeing those tubs of lard wipe the floor with him. Either he'll get squashed flat and sent back here with his tail between his legs or just maybe he could do well and split the pot with us.''
Zimmer narrowed his eyes. ``Why would he split the prize with us?''
``Finder's fee,'' Seth said. ``We'll be in charge of his application and add that little stipulation when he applies. If he argues, we'll leave his butt in Vegas and he can walk home.''
The two band members were silent for a moment.
``Damn,'' Jason said. ``That's cold... but I respect it.''
``Yeah,'' Zimmer said as he started to warm up to the idea. ``I mean, how bad can he really be, anyway?''
*****
Thursday - Four Hours into the Drive to Vegas
*****
To answer Zimmer's question: Dirk proved not as bad as they feared. After picking him up in the morning, the trio were pleasantly surprised to find the minotaur had packed his things rather neatly, brought plenty of snacks, and even a little travel TV. For the first hour, things actually went smoothly, with the minotaur showing an appreciation for different genres of music and being surprisingly knowledgeable about the touring scene. Seth sat in the front driving while the others hung out in the back, which had been retrofitted with beanbags and lawn chairs. It wasn't the safest option, admittedly, but Seth would be damned if he had to listen to his mates complain about being cramped in the old leather seats. Zimmer and Jason sat next to one another against one side in a pair of beanbags while Dirk sprawled out on an old sofa bolted to the floor. The set up was quite comfortable and what one could almost describe as pleasant.
But this fun didn't last too long. It all came to a head when they were discussing soundtracks in movies and Seth casually mentioned how iconic the Terminator soundtrack was. This got Dirk going on a tangent about how shredded Schwarzeneggar was and how, despite him being the governor of California at one point, would most likely never become president because, to quote Dirk, ``He's shredded, man. And no one wants a shredded guy in the office. They'd all be jealous of him.''
Zimmer and Jason sat silently as the stupidity of that little gem clouded up the van like a fog. Eventually, Zimmer got Seth to pull over at a gas station to let him out so he could clear his head. The mantrin could tell this would be a long ride.
``So you don't think there's more to life than muscle,'' the mantrin asked as he faced the buff minotaur. ``Like you think all those billionaires are missing out because they're not built like you?''
Dirk shrugged. ``I mean, it's cool if they're into the charity stuff and whole betterment of furs everyone, but yeah. Like how can you be happy looking like a rake, no offense.''
Zimmer was surprised he actually wasn't offended. Dirk had a way of being up front and honest with his beliefs. Sure he annoyed the hell out of the mantrin, but he could see how the minotaur must've grown on Ulysses. Someone who told it how it was and concretely believed they were right.
``So do you think George Washington would've been better remembered for freeing the country or being swole?'' Seth said from up front as he grinned to Dirk from the rearview mirror.
``Oh, swole for sure,'' Dirk said immediately as he flexed one of his biceps for the umpteenth time. ``Watch those red coats try to overthrow these guns.''
Seth snorted. ``Yes, I'm sure if they saw you manning the forts, they would've tucked tail and run long ago. Mount Rushmore would've been changed to Mount Gains More.''
Dirk either didn't seem to pick up on Seth's mocking or didn't really care, but he fed right into this cycle of indulgence from the Kineceleran as they navigated the half-busy highways. Zimmer wasn't sure how his friend found the energy or interest to indulge Dirk's lackluster wit, but he was fine with ignoring it. As long as Dirk didn't ask him another question about hitting the gym or putting on pounds, the mantrin could accept this long, desolate car ride might not be the worst thing to come around.
Jason seemed to be on a similar mindset as the mantrin. He played the drums silently on a muted pad with headphones wrapped around his long ears. Only the soft ``rat-tat-tat'' could be heard as he went through the sheets they'd be playing at the bar they'd booked.
After ten minutes or so of silence, Dirk finally changed the subject to something that wasn't bodybuilding. ``So why're you guys going all the way to Vegas anyway? I thought our town would've had plenty of gigs.''
``We're playing the opener at a new club,'' Zimmer explained slowly. He wasn't sure if the minotaur was going to make more fun of them, but he was grateful for the change in subject. ``Place is called the Onyx and it's supposed to be a pretty good launching point to get a foothold in the rest of the Vegas scene.'' He smiled. ``If you give us a shout out during the sumo match, that could help even more.''
Dirk nodded as he seriously considered it. ``Could definitely do that,'' he murmured. ``I mean it's the least I could do after you guys gave me a ride and everything. Maybe you could even let me play the tambourine when you go up on stage.''
There was dead silence from the others as Zimmer looked to Jason and Seth peered at them all in the rearview mirror.
Then Dirk burst out laughing and shook his head. ``I'm joking, guys. I know I don't have a musical bone in my body.''
The rest of the van breathed a sigh of relief and laughed nervously to one another. ``You know it might not be a bad idea,'' Seth piped up after a moment. ``We could have Dirk wear his sumo loincloth up on stage and dance around while shaking his butt to our tunes. Might be weird, but you have to admit it would be hard to forget. Plus, it's Vegas.''
``Hey, I'm up for it,'' Dirk said. ``Though I would protest the use of my outer beauty as a means of making money to appeal to the masses who are conditioned by societal expectations to crave the look of the ideal male figure.''
Another beat of silence followed along with another burst of laughter from Dirk. This time Zimmer actually laughed with genuine humor while Jason shook his head and focused on his drums. Seth caught Zimmer's eye and winked at the mantrin.
After another hour passing with everyone having gone fairly silent, Zimmer finally had to address something he'd been thinking about for the entire car ride. ``Dirk,'' he said politely while taking out his phone. ``I wanted to ask you something.''
The minotaur immediately blushed and shifted his weight. ``Look man, I'm flattered and everything, but I don't swing that way. I have some friends that could-''
``Dirk,'' Zimmer said through tight lips. ``Shut up.''
For once the minotaur meathead did as he was told, while Jason and Seth stifled snorts of laughter.
Clearing his throat, the mantrin pulled up the page for the sumo challenge and began scrolling through the pictures of the contenders. The first contestant - a giant, silver draft horse who looked like he'd swallowed a silo - posed smugly with his arms folded over a stomach that sagged almost to his knees. It was a miracle he seemed to even be able to stand upright. Beside his name, which read ``The Iron Stallion'' were some very imposing stats, including his weight, height, and bout record.
``Dirk, how much do you weigh?'' Zimmer asked.
``Three seventy five,'' the minotaur answered.
``This horse weighs eight hundred pounds,'' the mantrin said. ``He's seven foot six and you're...''
``Six five,'' Dirk answered, still sounding unfazed.
Zimmer looked to Jason, who merely shrugged. ``Dirk have you ever in your life come across a fur who weighed over eight hundred pounds? Have you ever tried to deadlift that much?''
The minotaur considered it for a moment and then shook his head.
``So what makes you think you can take these guys on? I mean they're walking monsters. They're huge, they're fat, they're heavy as hell. If you walked up to one of them and tried to block a belly bump, you'd be sent flying into orbit. I'm not trying to discourage you or insult you, I'm just trying to figure out how you can be so confident. This horse guy looks like he could eat you and walk away.''
``More like waddle,'' the minotaur sneered. ``Look at the belly on that guy. He could barely get out of bed, I'll bet.''
``Actually, he can do more,'' Zimmer continued. He clicked on a small video beside the horse's name and a window popped up showing the same swollen stud going through a series of workouts including all the ones Dirk was familiar with. And this tub of lard was pulling and lifting numbers very close to what the minotaur maxed out at.
Swallowing hard, Dirk waved a paw through the air. ``Ahh, he's just an outlier. Some freak of nature. I'll be-''
Zimmer flicked up on his phone and revealed another contender. This one a morbidly obese dragon who, while not as tall as the horse, had to be several feet wider. His blue and silver stomach bowed outward like a circus tent to almost brush the ground. His moobs were barely restrained by his shirt and he had flabby biceps that were twice as thick around as Dirk's.
The minotaur's eyes flickered down to the stats. He only saw four digits in the weight column and a six-foot-something in the height before he looked away.
Zimmer's thumb hovered over the video that would undoubtedly show this scaly monstrosity doing all sorts of squats and presses that would put the minotaur's to shame.
``Still think your chances are good?'' the mantrin asked as he slid his phone back into his pocket.
Dirk's ears flickered down for a moment, then his face lit up once again. ``Actually, I might!'' he said. ``I'll bet you those lard balls can barely move around without almost keeling over. You said so yourself that they're big and strong, but what about agility?'' He got to his hooves and began dancing around the van, throwing phantom punches into the air. ``Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, right? More like float like a blimp, sink like a barge.''
``You do realize you won't be able to punch them either, right?'' Zimmer sighed, though he was beginning to see that this argument would be futile no matter what. ``It would be like punching a mattress.''
``A mattress that can't move,'' the bull growled. ``I get them angry, give those bellies of theirs a workout, they lumber after me and I use these bad boys to finish the job.''
``You know what?'' Seth called from the front seat as he guided the van into a turn at their exit toward Vegas. ``That sounds like a great plan, big guy. You should definitely use that strategy when you hit the ring. Sumo really is just about the biggest fatass bouncing another fatass over a white line. If you get in there, most of those blobs won't know what hit them.''
Dirk puffed up at the Kineceleran's words, once again missing hsi sarcasm. The minotaur looked so happy in fact that Zimmer almost wanted to tell him the truth. But then he reminded himself that he already had tried. This seemed like the type of situation where it would be better for actions to speak louder than words. And, after eight hours of Dirk bragging about himself non-stop, the mantrin actually wouldn't mind seeing a little action above all the hot air Dirk had been spouting. He also needed a bathroom break, a shower, a strong drink and a bed. Preferably one not covered in minotaur fur. After that, maybe, just maybe would he feel up for talking with the doofy bull again.
As Seth wound down over the mountains that ringed Las Vegas's desolate valley, the world's most famous strip of casinos laid itself out in the blistering heat. Hotels, statues, spires, roller coasters, rooftop bars, strip clubs, and much more blasted the four furs with a wave of tacky advertisements and lewd callings to come visit the city of sin. Zimmer was happy to oblige if it meant his band would get their big break. If they played well at the Onyx, they just might be able to go full time.
And if, by some miracle, Dirk did well in this sumo thing, they might come away with some money as well. He was smart enough to put no stock in such an eventuality, but it was fun to imagine the possibilities. This was Vegas after all. The city where hopes and dreams could come true with the flick of a card. And a mantrin's lifelong pursuit of success could be achieved with the right notes played or the bump of a heavily overfed belly.
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