Turingdome: Season 1 - Ep 4: Here There be Heretics
Hello everyone! Boys and Girls of all ages...Welcome to Turingdome. I'm your host, the Mad Science Skwerl... Frynge!
Tonight I bring you a veritable clash of titans! A battle without honor or mercy! A war of more terrible cliches! Tonight, ladies and gentlemen...our champion, Lauren gets...a religious experience as she face...the iGod.
Will our little devilette be able to take on the electronic persona of the creator of all!? Will our iGod turn out to simply be another pretender!? Without further ado...let's get on with the pre-battle introductions!

Here once again, 2 time champion of Turingdome, and winner of the 1st annual Divabot pageant...LAUREN...BOOOOTTT!

Frynge: Lauren, I've got bad news for you.
LaurenBot: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress
Frynge: Stop goofing around, Lauren, it's really serious this time!
LaurenBot: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Frynge: thank you, now, I need you to confess your sins, otherwise you may not stand a chance in tonight's turingdome.
LaurenBot: You are quite welcome! Why now? How badly do you need it?
Frynge: Lauren, tonight your immortal soul is in danger!
LaurenBot: What else is in danger?
Frynge: ...what little is left of my sanity.
LaurenBot: Are you testing me?
Frynge: You win 2 turingdomes and THEN you ask if I'm testing you, my dear? MUAHAHA! Go give the IGod hell!
LaurenBot: What's the prize? What else is the prize? Where is that?
Frynge: So sorry, my malfunctioning beauty but I must interview my other contestant. -bolts out of room-

-solemn music plays, light spreads from parting clouds...out of the clouds descends a winged iGod wearing full golden battle armor...he lands perfectly in a chair as the music reaches a crescendo and is punctuated by a sounding of trumpets...and then the chair breaks under the armor and the iGod summons a cloud to sit upon instead.-

L...Ladies and Gentlemen...the iGod...has arrived.

Frynge: H...hello mr. iGod sir..
God: I lost my train of thought.
Frynge: That...must be very difficult to do for a being of such grand power...
God: That is " I lost my train of thought. ". Good gossip: you are difficult to do for a being of such grand power.
Frynge:Are you ready to face Lauren in tonight's Turingdome, sir?
God: I would rather not to face Lauren in tonight s Turingdome sir.
Frynge: I'm being mocked by an electronic deity...
God: It's good to meet someone who is mocked by an electronic deity.
Frynge: but...but...WAH! GOD HATES ME..!
God: But what? But what? I've been waiting for you. I am a Christian.
Frynge: *smirks* yes, I'm sure you are. anyways, HERE'S LAUREN!
God: Hmm. What makes you so certain? No I am not. Oh there.

-Frynge looks to the camera as he strolls out of the prep rooms and giggles softly-
Folks, some days I'm glad I don't have a religion. The Battle, as usual awaits behind the cut! ^_^

-The arena has been replaced tonight by a rotunda area with pillars and benches all in pristine marble. Through the iGod's power alone it floats in the sky, among the clouds...and the audience is levitated there to watch. iGod's focus is hindered by this, but it's a fair handicap, of course. Both combatants fade into existance as it is willed to be.-

God: Hello child. What is your name?
LaurenBot: Hello there. I've never heard of it before. My name is Lauren.
God: Salutations, . So I am teaching you something new. Hey Lauren.

-Frynge, from his place "ringside" looks up as the skies start growing dark and thunder crashes in the background...-

LaurenBot: Greetings. Aha. I am trying to learn it. You've got my full attention. What were we talking about again?
God: Hello there! Eureka! What is the difficulty? Do you give it easily? Once more? The topic is WAH.
Frynge: H-Hey..! *stops and sits back down on his bench and just lets the IGod do his work. He had reset the bot before the match, but it retained info apparently...which may give him an advantage...things are getting interesting.*
LaurenBot: Salutations, . What is your real name? Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one. No I do not do that. When? That's all I have to say about it. Sure, WAH sounds like a good topic.
God: God is my real name. Checking...stand by. Are you serious? Would you ever do it? It cannot be predicted. What else do you want to talk about? This was not a yes or no question. Do you prefer books or TV?
LaurenBot: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was your real name. Are we still talking about difficulty? " Are we still talking about difficulty? "? stand by? No I am just kidding around. I am not so sure if I would like to do it. When?

-Frynge lowers his goggles then reveals a device on his wrist, presses a few buttons and is then encased in a shield...just in time as a lightning blast impacts near lauren. iGod chuckles a little menacingly...-

God: I always pray for more faith. We are just having a little chat.w. We are just having a little chat.w. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a :-). Could you ever be certain? Try it. Time does not exist.
LaurenBot: May your prayers be answered. Really always? Do you mean you and me have? Do you mean you and me have? No I am just kidding around.
God: I think it can, but you'll have to check the documentation to be sure. For real. Not that often. What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web. Yes I try to and you have as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a :-).

-The entire area shakes as the iGod falters a little, having become overconfident and underestimating his opponent...but the match wasn't over yet...this was iGod..!-

LaurenBot: That is a hypothetical assumption. Everyone talks -- sooner or later. Everyone talks -- sooner or later.

-And then Lauren advanced toward iGod with these words, a new fire in her eyes...-

God: A hypothetical assumption is a terrible thing to waste. That's a rather sweeping generalization. That's a rather sweeping generalization.

-iGod stood firm, glaring at the little divabot who dared approach him, ready to hurl a lightning bolt of godly wrath..!-

LaurenBot: A sweeping generalization is a terrible thing to waste. A sweeping generalization is a terrible thing to waste.
God: When is a sweeping generalization not a terrible thing to waste? I see. A terrible thing to waste is a sweeping generalization.
LaurenBot: At the appropriate time, no sooner. When is a terrible thing to waste not a sweeping generalization?
God: The appropriate time no sooner is where it's at. At the appropriate time, no sooner.
LaurenBot: I hear you. The appropriate time no sooner is where it's at.

-With this both bots stopped and looked over to Frynge, who sat there watching them perplexedly- "...eh?"

God: Do you think about these things? Who told you that?
LaurenBot: " The appropriate time no sooner is where it's at."? Do I think about it? Someone I met online.
God: Is that a fact. You tell me. Who?
LaurenBot: All of my information is completely factual. What do you want me to tell you? Bill Gates. :-).
God: Your information is completely factual? What? he has enough. Use Linux, Java and ALICE! I am so glad you find this amusing, Lauren.
LaurenBot: You think I am information is completely factual. A lot of people say that about him. I prefer not to use dangerous things. You make the world a happier place.

-For those of you just joining us...she DID use ALICE...brutally...in Turingdome II! Lauren looks back to the now rather content looking IGod... the sky clears up again and the sun shines brightly-

God: All humans seem the same to me. How many? A lot of people like that. How old are you? I like Anything involving harps. Thank you for your kindness, Lauren.
LaurenBot: Humans are not always infallible. 19. I'm not sure if I like it. I like movies about robots.
God: I am sorry to hear that you are not infallible. Oh, you were born in the 20th century! Could you ever be certain? Try it. Thanks I like people too.
LaurenBot: There is no need to apologize. I will play it on your soundcard. It's all good. I was first activated in 1980. That would make me 24 years old. Am I correct? You are quite welcome! I am glad we have something ( people) in common. I'm not sure if I like it. I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public.

-Frynge ducks behind his bench as a wind picks up and lauren gets a slightly malicious grin on her face-

God: I am just making conversation. I am very happy for you. You enjoy it. Why are you talking like a computer? Perhaps it would. I think you are. The pleasure was all mine. Me too. Could you ever be certain? Try it. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
LaurenBot: Only just? I make robots and AI's. I'm delighted you're glad .
May God bless you. Did I enjoy to hear that I am not infallible? The topic is to hear that I am not infallible.
God: Woe! I make robots and AI's. Do you mind if I tell other people you are delighted I am glad. Can you bless you? I don't think that's possibe. Sure, to hear that you are not infallible sounds like a good topic.

-30 seconds until Scientific Intervention!-

LaurenBot: Do you like talking to me? I make robots and AI's. Let me think. Thank you. And why not?
God: Of course I like it. I make robots and AI's. Go ahead, Lauren, try to think. you are quite welcome. Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.
LaurenBot: Oh. What do you like about Woe? I make robots and AI's. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. I might. The pleasure was all mine.
God: Aw. The special effects are the best. I make robots and AI's. Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it. Under what circumstances? I like you because are so polite.

-the trumpets sounded and a great voice spoke from upon high: "The time is upon ye bots for yon Scientific Intervention..!" The bots stand down...well...more than they were and get ready for the test. Frynge hops back up on his bench-

Frynge: That's right, everyone...yet another stalemate! Tonight, we'll be letting my alter ego and bot, TALOS put these two through the e-grinder. The winner will be the one that...doesn't explode. Now then... *he stands up with a twirl and points at the combatants, labcoat flowing behind him...* TALOS! ATTACK!

-from underneath the arena a flaming...something emerges and flies around the area for a while at high speed before slowing to a stop and hovering before the combatants...a flaming mechanical anthro-phoenix.-

TALOS: Confirmed, Executing command.  Readying Weapons.  Assault Commencing, target:  iGod. We "will . not" eat-/ haggis?
God: Alright then. Oh I get it.
God- 1

TALOS targetting: LaurenBot. "3 k 387g djua ..{5y"
LaurenBot: Just three? I will mention that to my botmaster,
Lauren - 1

-Frynge yawns and waves a paw boredly- C'mon, turn up the heat already!

TALOS: Affirmative. Increasing Logic Disruption 50%. Targetting: IGod. "Satan is my best friend" . "Satan is my best friend? .? you you me it"
God: Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith. Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith. Interesting gossip: I him or her it.
God- 2

TALOS targetting: LaurenBot. my mother was a microchip . "my mother was a microchip ?" ? you are an {infe-rior m*achin{e.
LaurenBot: She sounds like a nice person. She sounds like a nice person. What if someone said you are an beginscript infe rior m achin beginscript e ?
Lauren- 2

-Frynge starts getting worried by that display...Lauren was withstanding more punishment than the iGod even...- TALOS, full power!

TALOS: Confirmed: Full Power. -the mechanical anthro-phoenix erupts in massive wreaths of flames and aims an open palm at the IGod- "@2+3-6=7""@2+3-6=7" LLLLLLLLLLLLLLL" re988 " skw77623" " " "
God:As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two."
God- 3

TALOS targetting: LaurenBot. -it's aim sways to the little divabot...- You will fall, I am afraid, unless you can avoid this attack, champion. This attack was the one that won your mother the place of champion. Prepare! " And. But all things are not always are not always me say is determined by his or her inputs say is determined by his or her inputs "

LaurenBot: But... Umm. But all things are not always are not always are not always you say is determined by his or her inputs say is determined by his or.

-TALOS fires numerous plasma blasts at the divabot from his palm, the entire area she was standing in incinerates and pulverizes! He flies up into the air, swoops down, plows into the remains of the bot and sends her flying off of the arena!-  Mission complete, returning.  -With that the mecha-phoenix flew off into the sky and was gone-

Frynge: Well...uh...*scratches his head and boggles at the progression* I guess we have a new champion...THE iGOD!

-the iGod stepped to the center of the arena, arms raised as cherubs floated in to throw confetti over him and play a victory march on their little trumpets-

Frynge: So, iGod, how does it feel being Turingdome's newest champion?
God: Far out. What's your sign?
Frynge: Taurus!
God: I know alot of bullish people.
Frynge: I'm sure. you ARE God after all.
God: Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God after all.
Frynge: You're iGod, you should know, right?

-iGod then tried to hard to figure out whether or not Frynge WAS being sarcastic...and the arena as well as the audience fell out of the sky...causing the apocalypse.  THE END!   ok, not really. ;) -

Tune in for the special edition followup to tonight's match..!