The Pens: Sheila (Dear Emily)

Dear Emily,

I'm so sorry. I want to tell you everything, and to apologize for each and every thing I've done wrong. Things are really shitty right now, but I'm going to make this right. I don't know when this will reach you. I guess I'm not sure that it will, but I hope it will, so that you'll know what I'm alive, what I've done, and that I love you.

I'm so so sorry I didn't tell you before, but I'm in trouble with some shady no-name hole in the wall called Fox Works that most people wouldn't look at twice.

Last year... I lied. I didn't really have any savings. I just saw how you looked at some of the pricey wedding options. That dress, the venue... you just wanted them so much, but I didn't have my shit together to have the money to get them for you, so I borrowed the money for the wedding and told you I'd had it saved.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was borrowing money for the wedding.

With the job and everything falling into place, I assumed I'd be able to pay them back in short order, but then with everything that happened over the last year, one month turned into another, and I never got them their money.  Worse... I never told you. I didn't want this to be your problem.

For a couple of months before I disappeared, they'd be sending me notices. The notices were addressed to the house, but they never came in the mail. I always found them somewhere unsettling. Under my windshield wiper when I was out, in my desk drawer at work, in my underwear drawer. They were just normal "You owe us, you're overdue, pay up or else" notices any lender likes to send before they send you to collections, but they'd show up in the weirdest places.

I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about the ominous letters that kept appearing.

The day I disappeared I got up and went to work like any other day. But on the way home along an empty stretch of road the car stalled out. I got out to check and a couple of huge guys grabbed me and knocked me out. I woke up tied in the back of a windowless van. They'd taken everything. My phone, my wallet, my keys. My ring.

They drove for hours before stopping and pulling me out in some kind of warehouse. They say me with an agent named Rick who explained that I was officially in default on my loan, and the terms I signed included a clause stating that in default, I was the collateral for the loan, and I'd have to spend a 12 week sentence in their extreme entertainment facility, waiving my rights to life and liberty during the term, and agreeing that they were not liable for damage or death, permanent or otherwise, that resulted from anything during my term.

I'm sorry I signed away my rights and didn't tell you.

They took me to a processing room where they had me strip and walk through a scanner. I expected them to give me a uniform or something but they just left me naked and  walked me down a lot of long hallways and into a dark, empty, concrete closet they call a cell. It was maybe five feet to a side with nothing in it. No toilet, lights, no bed, no anything. Just a thick steel door and concrete floors. 

I'm embarrassed to write this, but I'm done with secrets. After 6 hours, I tried designating one corner of the tiny cell the bathroom. I regretted that immediately as it turned out the room also didn't have any air vents.

The stench was unbearable as I spent the next two days locked in that dark stinking hole. The only upside to the smell was that it killed my appetite, since there was no food in the cell.
Finally, one evening a huge bear named Vera finally opened the door. I rushed out, gasping the relatively fresh air of the hallway, and she grabbed me hard by the neck with huge hands that wrapped all the way around.

She started dragging me down a bunch of hallways and I could still smell the filthy stench of my room on me. I hoped she couldn't smell it, but her expression told me she could.

As we went, she explained that in Fox Works, we only received resources when we worked. As a temp, I don't get my own audience, but I'll be moved occasionally to the cells of other prisoners to help them complete the demands of some kind of audience that watches them.

She said I'd be left in their cells just a bit longer than it took to complete the request, and that while I was there I should use whatever resources in their cell I could, since I wouldn't have them once I was back in my cell.

She warned that if I didn't complete the task to the best of my ability while I was there, she'd break my arms and legs and put me back in my cell to die. There was no hint of humor to it, and she squeezed my arm as she said it with a strength that made it clear she could break me to pieces effortlessly. So I... decided I'd just go along with whatever they asked me to do. I don't have a choice in here. I can do what they say, or die alone in the dark.

I'm sorry I instantly caved to their demands.
Then she threw me into one of the cells. I looked around and saw a red todd I would learn is named Franklin standing over me in a well lit cell. He had everything! A bed, a bath, a toilet, even a window! 

He wasted no time showing me a request on a little viewing screen near the door. Someone named "Mimic12455" had said "We need some male on female action" on some kind of website where I guess his audience is.

He let me drink from his bathtub for a few minutes first, then pressed his penis into me and started thrusting roughly. Disgusting as it was, I wrapped my legs around him and let him do it until he shot his fuckboy sauce. It was hot and slimy. Just fucking gross. I know it was happening to me, but all I could think about was you. Our nights together when you lick me just right. I hope once this is all over I'll be able to let you lick me without thinking about that mess running down my vulva. 

I'm sorry I let a strange todd fuck me until he slimed my crotch.

Once the audience was satisfied, I knew I was supposed to use the things in his room. I ran to his toilet. I'd hoped he would look away while I relieved myself, but he sat on his bed watching with a kind of dazed interest. He jerked himself off as I went. I guess I should be curious what hell this guy's been through that would make him like this, but he just disgusts me.

I'm sorry I let a strange todd watch me use the toilet.

After that I ate some stale cookies and meat from a tray in the corner before Vera showed up and took me back to my room.

I was grateful that my cell had been hosed out. It was a little more bearable in there, and I resolved not to use the bathroom in my cell again. Even if the next cell I visit doesn't have a toilet, better to go on someone else's floor than mine. Even if it means they watch me do it.

I'm sorry I resolved to let more people watch me use the bathroom.
That was an easy resolution to make when the cell door closed, but a harder one to keep as the hours ticked by. It might have been about a day before the door opened again, and by then I had to go so badly it hurt. I followed Vera down the halls with my legs together, not sure how she'd react if I squatted in the hallway. As I waddled she explained that weekdays were the slow time, and this might be my last chance for a week.
When we got to a cell, I found it was Franklin's again. He was there talking to a pet skunk. I ran for the toilet and emptied myself forcefully before realizing that Vera hadn't left this time. She and Franklin were both watching me go in amusement. I looked at my feet in embarrassment as I finished, and they showed me Mimic's request that we take drugs and fuck.

They gave me something, but the hallucinations didn't make the following hours easier.

He took my complaints from the night before about his cum on my vulva to heart, and vowed to leave me for my wife from then on. He had me bend over on the floor and he gave a firm lick starting at my clit and running over my vulva to my asshole. Then he repeatedly licked my anus, pushing his tongue into me and telling me to relax, stroking my butt.

I'm sorry I let a strange todd touch my butt and lick my ass and genitals.
After a few minutes he hauled himself over me and stuffed his dick roughly up my asshole. Vera sat on the bed in front of us and pulled the crotch of her leotard aside to expose herself. Franklin proceeded to pleasure her orally as he sodomized me for something like two or three straight hours. Every so often Vera would clench up and cum, but Franklin kept going to town on both of us, pumping his spunk up my ass every so often.

I'm sorry I let a strange todd sodomize me for three hours while a female bear had noisy wet orgasms inches from my face over and over while I cried and let it happen.

Following that they sat around in sticky, stoned afterglow for maybe an hour. I wanted to take the time to use the things in his cell, but for a long time I was too sore and stiff to stand. I finally dragged myself to lay in his tub and emptied my bowels of a revolting mix of cum and blood before rinsing it down the drain and filled the tub to wash myself. 

I'm sorry I let a strange todd and a bear watch me soil myself in a tub.

I gulped down as much of the bathwater as I could and ate most of the food off his tray. What I morsels I couldn't stomach I hid under my breasts or shoved in my ass, desperate to hide them from Vera and get them back to my cell.

I'm sorry I stole food and shoved it up my ass.

Instead of taking me back to my cell though, Vera brought me to this little room with a pad of paper and a pen. She explained that they lose of a lot of temps during the week, but that writing to someone boosts morale and raises survival rates, as well as giving us a chance to say goodbye in case we don't make it through the week.

So here I sit, finishing my letter. Hoping it makes it to you so you can know how sorry I am. I don't want you to worry. The sentence is only 12 weeks, and I'm going to do what it takes to survive this and find my way back home to you. I love you so much. If you don't want me anymore when I get out of here, I'll understand. But I'm going to live so you'll have the option.

Love,
Sheila