Skunks or Hyenas: Who’s stinkier? The two mammals stand opposite of each other with a wild, ferocious gaze in their eyes as they grunt intimidatingly, flashing their teeth and twitching their eyebrows. If one were to see them for the first time like this, they may rightfully think that these young men were arch nemesis of one another, waiting for the first chance to bite through the other’s throat… However, these silly beings had gotten themselves in this conflict much more recently than it might seem at first glance. “You stink…” The skunk scoffed in disappointment after losing another round to the hyena in their favorite video game, pinching his nose teasingly and putting out his tongue to really drive the point home. Indeed, when one’s gaming skills aren’t efficient enough, the only weapon that remains in one’s hand is teasing and insults. “I know!” The yeen replied reflexively, grinning at his mate with pure schadenfreude sparking off his sparkly white set of smiling teeth. He knew that his odor was far from tame, but it was something that he owned with pride. “And you know what? I’m a lot stinkier than you, too!” “W-what?” The skunk had to process what he’d just heard, not expecting his friend to turn his only remaining weapon back on himself like that. Not only did he lose in game, but now he was losing to this fluffy idiot in the metrics of stink too? He couldn’t let that one slide. “No, I’m obviously stinkier! You’re just dirty and sweaty, but you can’t compare to the STINK KING of the animal kingdom!” He raised his voice, the fur on his big, fluffy tail standing upright like it always did when he got super upset. “The stink king??” His friend laughed at the self-given title, slapping his knee while he regained control and caught his breath. “If you’d really want the smelliest animal out there to hold that title, then you’d have to look no further than me. But hey, I might hire you as my jester! After all, I haven’t laughed this hard in ages! Would you accept some shampoo as payment to compliment your absolutely not stinky, beautiful and clean fur?” “Enough of that!” The skunk hopped up from the couch, his tail standing straight up like a battle banner of deadly smells, steaming with rage and fury. “Say something like that once again and you’ll end up walking home with a squirt of skunk juice in your eyes!” “Oh yeah?” The hyena followed suit, calmly putting down his controller and standing right in front of the skunk, looking into his eyes with a confident expression that he hoped would efficiently mask the fact that he really was afraid of the skunk musk a little bit. From what he heard, it took weeks for it to disappear from fur if he was sprayed straight on, and even though he liked being stinky, smelling like a skunk for half a month sounded a little embarrassing for sure. “You want a sniff of my armpit then? Don’t worry, I’ll catch you when you faint!” So here we stand, the two friends locking eyes with each other, ready to release a full-scale stink attack on the battlefield that was once a peaceful living room. They hold for a bit; the only sound that can be heard is their heavy breathing as they sniff in the room’s air tainted by the two sweaty boys’ body odor, before the hyena finally starts the attack. He grabs his friend by the head, who no matter how much he tries to turn around to spray, gets his face pushed deeply into a damp, brownish-yellowish armpit. There aren’t any sounds at first as the skunk obviously tries to hold his breath for a while, but the yeen isn’t planning to let go until his challenger finally takes a deep breath, getting a slight teaser of what was to come in this legendary battle of smells. Skunk finally can’t take it anymore and has to exhale before taking a loud gasp of air, and receiving a lungful of warm, nose-twistingly, mind-numbingly stinky breath of armpit smell. He yells out in psychological pain, trying to pull his head away from the pit, but the firm hyena hand looks like it’s planning to keep it there until the black and white traitor has learned his lesson and admitted defeat. The battle isn’t going to be over so easily however, as the mephitid has a couple of tricks up his sleeve as well. Maybe he couldn’t overpower his foe on the ground, but an aerial attack is on the way: with a loud “pprrrrtttttt” he releases a heavy, wet dose of farts into the air, powered by his eggs and beans breakfast that he had that morning… And every other morning, as a matter of fact. “W-what the hell is that?” The hyena is weakened for a second as the stink hits his sensitive predator nose, just enough to let the flexible skunk barely slip out from underneath his hold. “I thought chemical warfare was long outlawed!” “There are no rules in this battle… Let the most ruthless be victorious!” The skunk replies ferociously, turning around and lifting his tail to quickly adjust his aim for a perfect shot into the hyena’s face. He just can’t be quick enough however, as Hyena jumps and tackles him to the ground, turning him around and crawling on the struggling creature’s chest. By the way he’s turning around, Skunk can already tell what’s about to happen, and no matter how much he tries to resist and flail his arms around, the round, spotted butt is slowly lowered onto his face, leaving him to pray that all those brown spots on his friend’s buttcheeks are really only because his fur was naturally darker at those parts, and not because of an improperly cleaned butt. That would be going too far even for this battle! Not like he was the one who claimed that no rules applied… As the fat ass is pushed into his face, the skunk can only gasp for whatever little air manages to enter the tight crack in which his nuzzle is muzzled, taking short breaths and trying to ignore the hellish, sweaty odor that resides between those cheeks. No nose has ever ventured so far before; our cocky contestant’s senses are subjected to smells previously unsniffed, and horrors thought unimaginable. The dirty, sweaty asscrack is only the beginning however, as a large fart can be heard collecting inside the hyena, blubbing and gurgling menacingly through the bloated guts, begging to be released. The skunk can’t let this happen, a fart straight to the face would surely knock him out! He needs to think of something quick, or else he’d have to truly hand over his crown in his second big defeat of the day, and a total crushing of his ego. There is truly only one way to get out of this… But is he capable of pulling it off? Hoping that he’s still flexible enough for the maneuver, he spreads his legs in preparation. This doesn’t raise any red flags for the hyena yet, as he’s already sure about his victory, just trying to push that fermenting, brewing fart out of his guts to finally claim what’s rightfully his. But then! Like a flash of black and white lightning, the flexible skunk throws his legs into the air, curving his lower body in a calculated angle, and fires a thick load of white, warm skunk musk out of the tiny weaponized nipples between his two legs. Yeen is caught entirely off guard, watching in slow-motion as the hellish liquid sprays in his direction, his reflexes not nearly strong enough to dodge the attack. As the skunk’s legs fall back onto the ground, the musk makes a streak along his opponent’s chest, neck, face and even gets into his hair, leaving him dripping with the stinky, terrible substance. He springs back up standing, desperately trying to wipe the nauseating musk off of himself with his paws, before quickly realizing that this only made his hands stink like burnt rubber and rotten eggs as well- and consequently, everything else that he would go on to later touch. For several weeks! Looking at his friend with a desperate, wide stare, it’s obvious who has won the battle; Skunk stands up slowly and victoriously, now feeling a whole lot calmer that his honor was lawfully restored, and that there wasn’t a sweaty hyena ass pushed into his face anymore. “It’s okay sweetheart, maybe you’ll get it next time!” Come the finishing, teasing words from the victorious animal, wiping off the leftover remains of musk from his stink glands and wiping his hands in the hyena’s fur to add insult to injury, flaunting the same, wide and proud smile that he saw on his friend’s face after his video game winning streak. “Maybe grow a couple of stink glands~”