So, you want to know about Dead-Eye the Butcher, huh?  Figures.   Every newbie wants to know if that horror story is true.  Alright, new guy, I got a bit before my shift starts so take a seat and I’ll tell you what I know.  Most of the stories floating around here tend to make it to these ears so you came to the right guy...course that’s probably why you asked me and not one of these other assholes.

Not sure when the stories about Dead-Eye started. He’s kind of a legend here at work, though only the bosses and Dead-Eye himself knows who he actually is. Most of us don’t think he’s even real, just a story the poor folks of this city came up with to keep their kids from going out after dark when our trucks start rolling through.  Pot O’ Gold, the company I work for, has a bit of a nasty reputation.  People claim we steal children from their beds, hack’em up and toss them into the trucks to be processed into Pot O’ Gold Specialty Blend Kibble.  

Folks are paranoid….the Specialty Blend is mostly grain filler.  Nah...it’s the Pot O’ Gold brand Babbling Brook Bologna that fills practically every sandwich in the country that they should be worrying about.  THAT shit has people in it..not that they seem to care, it being one of our best sellers.  Of course we still do our normal day to day work, transporting meat products to different stores on our routes around town, but that bonus commission for any fresh meat you bring back is just too good to pass up.  Besides you already know it’s all legal.  The company’s lobbyists made damn sure of that when the Overpopulation Crisis was at its peak.  Too many species producing too many kids.  That’s why most of the kids in the feedlot are rodents  Their families can’t afford to feed them all but can’t help but have litters of forty or fifty whenever they get pregnant.  So the lower income families send them here for a tidy little stipend to make up for the fact they’re selling their kids.

Yeah, I’m probably a shitty person for working for this company, but I’m better than Dead-Eye and a lot of our other co-workers, right?  I mean yeah, I pick people off the street once in awhile to be made into various meat products but I don’t go breaking into houses or chasing people down to do it. I have standards.  At least the folks I pick up are known vagrants.  Folks who decided to quit society.  I’m not talking about the guys who can’t catch a break, I’m talking career hobos.  One’s who’d rather live in a ditch than contribute to our fine world.  Hey, if they want no part of society, then I’ll gladly remove them from it.  So yeah...shitty me...but Dead-Eye?  Fuck man…I heard once that Dead-Eye…

...eh?

What’s he look like?  Man, I already told you that no one knows...oh fine, I’ll tell ya some theories I’ve heard swapped around the CB.  Alright, so there is one sure thing we know about Dead-Eye besides his alias.  His captures are always skinned before they even make it to the processing plant.  There are only a handful of drivers who go that far, and most of them only started doing it after they heard about Dead-Eye.  

So Ralphie thinks...eh, he’s the old tabby in Truck 137.  Kinda hard of hearing but knows the streets of the city well enough that you shouldn’t bet against him if someone challenges him to a race.  Guy knows every shortcut in town.  Anyways, Ralphie thinks Dead-Eye might be Lorenzo, he’s the wolf who drives Truck 94.  Horrible man...more porcine than canine.  Fat bastard takes up most of the cab.  They say when he skins his catches and then takes the skin home to fry into skin rinds.  Guy always has a bag of the homemade jerky and rinds on hand.  Probably why he’s so damn fat.  Lorenzo  has good numbers though..brings in a lot of ladies, hookers mostly though his reputation has kinda slowed him down.  Those whores talk when they’re not choking on cock, and it’s hurting his numbers.  In my opinion though, he’s just a disgusting person.  Not Dead-Eye.

Carolyn, she’s the copperhead in Truck 159 and the only reptile in our line of two hundred local trucks.  She thinks Dead-Eye is a chick, probably Angela in Truck 23.  I wouldn’t doubt it either.  That tawny haired vixen has got legs for days.  No idea what she does to keep that figure as a truck driver, though judging by her catches, she’s into some form of martial arts.  Every single one of them has broken bones somewhere.  I can just imagine those legs wrapped around my face as she’s trying to break my neck...mmmm, almost worth it.  I keep my distance though, my Papa always said ‘you don’t dip your stick in crazy.’  That’s why i don’t date within the company.  Anyways, she has the exact opposite strategy as Lorenzo.  Lures men in with that body and then beats the daylights out of them.  Her numbers are steadier but the bosses have been reprimanding her.  Apparently she takes too long to kill them so the meat gets stressed and the flavor goes south.  Most of her catches end up in the feedlot to fatten up the folks who are still waiting to be processed.  I don’t think she’s Dead-Eye either, though.  The stories say the bosses have nothing but good things to say about them and she gets way too many complaints about meat quality and waste, since she just piles up the skins in her truck and lets the cleanup crew take care of them.

Now the theory I’ve heard that holds the most water is that LaCroix, the hyena from Truck 14, is Dead-Eye.  He’s a skinner too...and yeah I said ‘he’.  His name tag say’s ‘LaCroix’ but that’s just his last name.  His actual name is Nero and don’t let that hair and skirt fool you, he’s packing a bolt pistol under that skirt, literally and figuratively.  You’ve heard of traps before?  Course ya have...you kids and your constant access to internet lets you know everything but your own rectal temperature, and I’m SURE someone somewhere has made an app for that.  Anywho, yeah Nero dolls himself up every night before work.  Calls it, ‘marinating the bait.’  Folks suppose he lures them in like Angela, though with his frame he looks less ‘lady of the night’ and more ’lost schoolgirl’ which works fine for him apparently.  

It’s been floating around that he likes to pretend he’s hurt or lost.  Picks up a lot of people that way.  Some guy or gal, thinking they can play the good samaritan comes up to help and then BAM!  They get that bolt pistol right between the eyes...you know what those are right?  I’m not talking an actual pistol here.  These things are from back when we still only ate ferals.  Looks kinda like a metal flashlight.  Old slaughterhouses used to use ‘em all the time.  You just press one end to the skull of the animal, press a button, and it shoots a piston into the thng’s skull, knocking it unconscious.  And feral skulls are thicker than ours...so you can only imagine what kinda damage it could do to us.  Apparently he blunts his too...keeps the damage to a minimum so that they’re still alive and the heart can pump the blood out for him when he prepares them.  Company discontinued their use though...ferals were too dumb to understand what was going on so it worked to keep the meat from getting that nasty flavor that comes when they’re stressed.  Those folks in the feedlot on the other hand all know exactly what is going on, hence why we have to slip sedatives in their food.

Sorry, kinda got off topic there.  Anyways, the bastard is crafty enough to be Dead-Eye.  Even heard he’s actually blind in one eye too, though I think that’s a rumor that came up after people began thinking he was Dead-Eye.  Folks trying to make facts out of nothing.  Even say he likes to make more dresses out of the skins he takes.  Never seen him in one though so who knows.  All I know is the skins never make it back to the processing plant and the bosses don’t ask.

Gahh...and there’s the damn whistle.  It was nice talking to ya, new guy but I have to run.  My shift is starting and I’m a bit behind on my numbers.  I’ll leave ya with a bit of advice ‘fore I go though.  When they finish training ya and give you your own truck, do NOT try to muscle in on someone else’s route.  The drivers here are real territorial and you don’t want to end up in the back of one of their trucks.  Why did you think they were hiring this month?

I’m gonna miss that smartass….