Orobouros and Dao Written: 8/8/12 11:50 pm Journal Entry #### 2:41 am WMST I hate him, and everything that he was, but in doing so, I hate myself. What I've done is unforgivable. The survivors of the Rebirth alone could tell you that. Were my family there to witness it, I would have been disinherited. The mantle would have been passed along - returned, perhaps, to Sabre, until he could provide another heir. I would have been the only Ex-Guardian. I am the only murderer in my family. Murderer. Just like him. He destroyed Albion. Over three million souls dwelling on that island were wiped out in the space of three hours by wave after wave of Eggman's toys. The fires and the gas, the ruins toppling down, and the thick, black smoke... Mahyem... It was a stain upon my conscience. Another, I'm sure. He was responsible for bringing Albion to the attention of the Overlander - he sold out his own people, he betrayed them. Just like I betrayed my people... Just like I brought the Island to the attention of the world, which was his fault at heart... And I was responsible for making him. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Everything traces back to me. And that madman will point it out at any given opportunity... I can't say he was insane - not truly. And he has every right to disparage my family's methodus. He saw through my eyes, through our link, and he continues to see, whether clear or not. And as Enerjak, I saw through his. I was aware of every intimate detail of his plans. Our bond was strong, and he could draw on my power, he could draw upon the Emerald with such skill, as would suggest we were linked tighter than Soulbonded... At no time did I object, under his influence. I could have. My mind was lucid, my heart was heavy, and his pains were my pains. I saw the taint of Mobius; he supplied me with the solution, the Final Solution. And I agreed. It was sound. It was perfect. It might not have been morally secure, but logic triumphed emotions, and he was the perfect compliment. We would have done it. We would have fixed-ruined the world together, he at the helm, and under his unvoidable logic, I would have slept easy with millions more on my soul, and no regrets in my heart. I made him, and he made me, beautiful and horrible and ill-wrought and quite possibly intentional... It was intended, from the moment we met, in my undeveloped stage, raw, and wild, and unformed. We were drawn in, we were unified like two little ones in the Cosmic Egg that brought about such profound revelations, and such incredible development - reconfiguration, ultimately... I was him. He was me. And the both of us were together. It was a fitting match, troublesome, perhaps, but we were both moulded anew by the experience, and he endured the worse... I spoke for the Yang, and he submitted to Yin - even now, it doesn't make complete sense on paper... but looking at the charm itself, he was pure on the outside, with a core as black as the shadows he would come to lurk in, and I bore the sins of my race in one little swoop across my chest while... while I suffered nothing. He would say arrogantly and-- Because he was there, because I drew him in, because I wasn't strong enough to deal with my own issues, my own internal darkness, Gaia took someone from their happy lifestyle and forced them to deal with it all... I don't blame him for going nuts with what I had to deal with.... but because of my weakness... I destroyed the Doctor. I created Finitevus. And I was the threat-- I was the threat that he was going to undo. He had no ill-will in his heart, no desire to do anything but rectify, and I shredded him apart, until the pieces fit together brokenly, and he was a cracked, distorted mirror of the very thing that I was most afraid of. Myself, really, if we want to get into the deep psychological issues. Ahh... and it can't be mended now, can it? It was, it is a delicate balance of power. Two sides of the same coin. Two forces equal. Knowledge, and might. Brains and brawn. A perfect fit of two strange little pieces in a box of weirdos... and we just manage to fit right when together, completing the circle, completing the chain of life, and everything therein. Life, death, rebirth. Age and youth, and decay and regeneration. Light and dark and happy and sad and cruel and kind and-- I know what it was like to be him. I saw years of admiration in his eyes, I saw the corruption of his mind, the poisoning of purity, the lies that consumed him, the lies that threaten to consume me when the draw of the Emerald is stronger. The same lies that tickled my brain as the Enerjak, such sweet voices... I know exactly what he took on when he freed me from my pain, and I know the happiness and the mundane and the sad little regrets he had, and will never shoulder again. I know the faces of his dim and distant coworkers who were probably pulled from the rubble, and it aches in me when I hear their names, or chance upon reading one in an old report, or I think about the things he never did. I know his sorrows, and my own are lessened by knowing them... and though they seem so petty, the thought occurred to me that by having them, he no longer had to deal with them, he no longer had anything tying him down to Albion, and to what needed to be--- What he thought needed to be done. I know now what it is like to be hated on sight. For him, the strange colouration, for me, the deed, and which was a more fitting hate? He a victim of circumstance, while everything that came upon me was deserved, and tenfold, and... it's enough to make me want to quit, some nights, or give in to it all... We are the same. We are the same thing, we are one thing, and two aspects of it, me, and he.. The head chasing the tail, and by continuing our squabble, I wonder if we save the world or destroy it. With each inch that disappears, consumed by the head, the world wastes away a little more. Do I fulfill him by rejecting him? What will be left when all is said and done? I hate him, but I hate myself more, and by hating him, I love him. This was me, this was my burden... and he is my match, my nemesis, the only man that understands me better than I understand myself. And when I weaken, will he be there for me again, to take me in under his wings and hatch me anew? Again, and again, and again and the cycle never ends, and I wake up in terror... No, it hasn't happened yet. We are not reborn, we are not-- I don't even know whether I am destruction, or creation. I've done enough of both. He tore down the world to build a paradise, and I'm willing to burn his Eden down for the last patch of safety for our kind. Which one of us is the real villain, and will I be able to come to terms with the answer when I find out? Innocence is lost. In the pursuit of wisdom, in the fleeing of the pain, we have done something rash, we have started something that cannot be stopped, and we can never recover what was lost. One day, we will be consumed by it. I'll take him with me. I just don't know who else will be collateral for out stiff and soured checkmate. Something has to give... will it all fold once the cornerstones have been removed? Or do I think too highly of our strange pairing? It is a unique circumstance... and it will require a unique solution to end it all. I don't expect to find a way to win. Just to take him down. I need to stop the Frankenstein's monster that my subconscious birthed. Only then... only then can I begin to make up for my sins. .... I will look on this in the morning light and call my sleeping self insane... But I believe a revelation has been related... I just wish I knew.... I wish. I k