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episode: \n\"Another Flawless Victory for Gay Aryan Space Diaper Boys\"\n \nBy Dumpsterhuggies\n\nBased on Chronicles of the Going Home Club by Nazoc\n\nDisclaimer: This story contains multiple characters based on real people. This is only intended to represent them in an extremely limited and fictionalized extent, as I have to pretend I know a lot more about them than I actually do to write about them. This is a work of fiction and parody. Viewer discretion is advised.\n\nA teenage dog-monkey hybrid lied splayed out across a whole couch. He idly flipped around channels, kinda zoned out, taking a short time to watch each of them. He turned it to the news and was assailed with footage of some average-looking wolf guy taping a diaper around his waist. He stood up, and immediately had difficulty walking. “Wow guys, these Maros Pillowpants are so thick! Oh my god, like, smash that like button guys. Wow this is kinda hard to walk actually. Hold on-” He stumbled around and out of his room, and then attempted to go down a flight of stairs, only to then tumble down them.\n\nThis caught the attention of the two teenagers in the room. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!”\n\nThe camera abruptly zoomed out to reveal some female rat newscaster. “And this was the footage that’s landing the Maros diaper company in hot water. Due to this shocking development, extra thick diapers have been temporarily pulled from shelves in anticipation of vast legal troubles for the company.”\n\n“Damn!” \n\nA white skunk lied splayed across the floor, looking up from a book. “Man what is this shit, they not sellin thick diapers no more nigga?” \n\n“Ayayay, that’s like, retarded and shit.”\n\n“Yeah like, this is just like when McRonald’s got sued for that dumb old white bitch who spilled hot coffee on herself and shit, it’s like, what the hell man.”\n\n“Yeah, it’s like, damn.”\n\n“Gyatt damn.”\n\n\n\nLater that evening, Gareth walked around testing door handles in some random parking lot around some hotel. Eventually he decided to just smash the window to a 2022 Hyundai Tucson, and hopped on in. He produced a flathead screwdriver from his coat pocket, and broke off the ignition in one motion. He then inserted a USB cord, and the SUV revved to life. \n\nHe pulled out and couldn’t really see over the steering wheel so he attempted to drive cautiously, and yet was very reckless. He rolled up to a nearby gas station, where Madrid waited. The busty dog-monkey stood in the cold out front in his military parka, smoking squares with a big brown paper bag at his feet, thanks to clerks that don’t card. Gareth opened the door and he hopped in with numerous crinkles, both of his diaper and the paper bag.\n\n“Ayo, kept you waiting, huh?” \n\n“Yuh, here you go.” Madrid passed him a 40 oz Steel Reserve, then got comfortable himself, square in one hand and 40 in the other. \n\n“Yay, time to drink and drive. Steel Reserve, 211, whatchu know about that? Probably tons.” Gareth cracked it and took off again as he chugged the high gravity beverage. \n\nMadrid took a drag in between swigs. “Damn, you should just stand up and use a mop to push the pedals at this rate.”\n\n“Nah bruh, this works.” Gareth said, and proceeded to immediately swerve and narrowly miss an oncoming car. He let out a huge burp. “So I was thinking, they’re only putting out that stupid ass recall just like, today and sheeeit.”\n\n“So?”\n\n“Perhaps we could swing by the stores that still stock them and snag their last stock. And by that, I mean stealing all of it. That way we’ll own all the diapers.” He said.\n\n“Ohhhh, shit that’ll be a good lick, kinda risky though.”\n\n“Yuh, but that way, y’know, diapers are our shit man. Them big diapers especially are real trap shit, no cap. This is putting things right, right, like, you and me and our homies man, we rock big diapers the best, ya kna mean. We’ll have all them huggies to ourselves and shit, and that’s how it should be. Ya kna mean?”\n\n“Yeah, y’ain’t lyin.” Madrid said, lighting another ciggie with the butt end of the previous one. “But, don’t you think, you know, you could sell them.”\n\n“Ah shit, that’s a good idea actually. Damn, my mind was on one track nigga, ya kna mean. Sheeeeit. Only to good-looking guys.” He cleared his throat. “You down?”\n\n“I’m in and fine, I tolerate your discrimination this time.”\n\nGareth soon pulled up to a diaper store nearby, and the increasingly drunk pair of teens moved to exit the vehicle.\n\n“Shit I haven’t done this a lot before, feel me?” Madrid said, head spinning as he stood.\n\n“Just follow my lead and shit.” Gareth slammed the car door shut then approached the store. He pushed the door open and was greeted by the sterile store interior, bright colors decorating the walls. Good signs that they were out of the hood. Gareth grabbed a small shopping cart and immediately passed it to Madrid to drive.\n\nThe eyes of a white wolf dude, no doubt a fairly young adult, were already on the two teenagers the moment they pulled up in a Tucson. He watched from behind the counter as they navigated themselves towards what appeared to be biggest, priciest diapers, where he could see everything they were doing due to the low shelves.\n\nGareth hurriedly stuffed as many as he could into the shopping cart, having it totally full within mere seconds. He then directed Madrid to go back out, and both did their best casual ‘I’m totally not stealing’ walks they could.\n\nThe wolf’s hands tensed and in this fight or flight moment, he chose fight.\n\nGareth glanced and saw it in his eyes before the clerk started towards him. “Aw shit go go go nigga!”\n\nMadrid booked it towards the door. “Oh shit oh gosh-“\n\nGareth saw the guy go in to try and stop Madrid, but the accelerating cart was way too fast and barreled right past him, causing him to fall. Gareth then tripped and fell on top of him.\n\n“Aw shit, fuck.” Gareth struggled to get up with the whole writhing mass of adult fur beneath him.\n\nMadrid checked and upon seeing no white skunk boy at his side, turned back towards him. In full reactive mode he went and pulled Gareth up by the arms, and both of them ran towards the car.\n\nRealizing he turned the engine off like a dumbass, they both threw all the diapers in the back before getting in, starting it up, and taking back off. “Whew,” Madrid said, feeling adrenaline strike amidst his rolling malt liquor buzz.\n\n“Guess next time one of us should be getaway driver. Or how would that work?” Gareth said, slurring his words.\n\n“Iunno, I thought you would know.”\n\n“It’s a science in practice and shit youknowhumsayin.” Gareth said, off to his next lick.\n\nThe two plundered a couple more stores of their diapers, racking up hundreds, possibly bordering on thousands in stolen goods, all from diaper stores catering to middle class white suburbians, each one several minutes apart, but still a plenty in Nine Lakes.\n\nAs the two drove towards yet another store, suddenly they heard police sirens behind them. Madrid glanced at the rear-view mirror and saw the cops. “Aw shit.”\n\nGareth, thoroughly drunk from having put a whole 40 oz in his 90-pound body, turned the radio on to a hip-hop station, cranked that shit, and sped up without hesitation. “That one fuckin’ guy definitely called the cops an’ shit! Not too many purple dogmonkeys around town huh?!\n\n“They knew your short white skunk ass too homes!” Madrid said, having to talk loud over the music.\n\n“Madrid, you are my favorite LatinX in the world.” Gareth said, stretching his hand towards him.\n\n“Yeaheah- hey watch the road foo’!”\n\n“Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.” He swerved around more cars and approached a busy intersection at high speed, causing the traffic to become a veritable clusterfuck as the police cruiser lagged behind them. The cop soon terminated the chase, no doubt for safety concerns. “Yeaahhh boi!” The two erupted in drunken celebrations. “Less’ drive this muhfugga home. Shit I better call a homeboy to stash this shit with. Yuh, yuh.”\n\n“Good shit nigga.”\n\n\n\nThe next day at about noon, after curbing his morning hangover with a little hair of the dog, and then a little more, Gareth stood in the projects where he lived. The rev of stolen cars rang out among the din of clamoring impoverished furs, a small crowd assembled around him and his stolen goods. Most of them were merely standing around drinking or smoking or partaking in any number of drugs, bundled up in ugly coats, and chatting or nodding off. Nearest to him were a few Haitian dogs from an immigrant family he was acquainted with, who stood watch for just a few diapers each thrown their way.\n\nSoon, a kid with bright red fur rolled up on a scooter, wearing a flashy but childish outfit.\n\n“Ayyy, there’s my boy, Rowan.” Gareth said as the cat-skunk hybrid got off and dapped him up. They were the same height despite Gareth being a few years older.\n\n“Wow Gareth, you’re so cool.” Rowan said. “I’m gonna look so rizzed up with these super swag diapers while no one else has them!”\n\n“Yeah, that’s right. Your ass is gonna look great. Mmm, put ‘em on now.” Gareth said.\n\nRowan giggled. “Not right here Gareth, ‘sides, I don’t need a change yet.” \n\n“Weh.” Gareth said, burying his face in that tail.\n\nA short while later, Madrid walked up. “Sorry I was late, my head’s killin’ me.” He said.\n\n“S’all good my nigga.” Gareth said.\n\n“Hi ohio skibidi!” Rowan said.\n\n“Ay lil homie.” Madrid fist bumped him.\n\n“Give me some of that.” Gareth said, also fist bumping. “Sheeeeit we gonna stack some real paper.”\n\n“Yeah, we’re gonna get lit nigga. You sure niggas in the projects are the best target demographic though?” Madrid said.\n\n“Well we got some hot people here like the Dieuveilles.” He gestured to the aforementioned Haitian dogs present.\n\n“Yeah. I guess it’s better than selling to some dumbasses at school.”\n\n“Heh, imagine if one of them walked up.” Gareth said.\n\n“Yeah, we’d be stylin’ on their bitch ass.” Rowan said, making the vaguest gang signs known to man\n\n“Yuh, yuh.” Gareth said.\n\nRight after Gareth said that, they noticed a familiar blue-green catweasel trudging in their direction.\n\n“Speak of the fucking devil. Look at that!”\n\n“Hahahahaha, it’s Nazzy!” Rowan said.\n\n“Awww shit, already?” Madrid said.\n\n“I maayyyyy have said something at middle school then made a xeet about it.”\n\nNazoc Nashara Maya approached clothed in a heavy coat and snow pants. He stood before them, eyes filled with contempt. “I heard you were up to no good.”\n\n“Boy you ain’t heard shit my nigga, hahahahaha.” Gareth said, leaning on Rowan’s shoulder. “What, you want to buy one?”\n\nNazoc exhaled through his nose. “Like I would ever give money to you. God this is no fair! You hoodlums got all the good diapers now.”\n\n“Yeah, that’s what’s good, youknowhumsayin, like we rock them huggies better than you. Like that’s just how we do.”\n\n“Yeah nigga yeah!” A small uproar resounded around him.\n\n“Chinga tu madre, pendejo.” Madrid said. \n\n“Yeah, gatorade glacier freeze lookin’ ahh.” Gareth said.\n\n“Yeah livvy dunne, you will never be GOAT, like we’re baby gronk!” Rowan said.\n\nOne of the Dieuveilles joined in. “Yeah stupid ahh bih, we on that real shit muhfugga.”\n\nNazoc, feeling suddenly intimidated by the government housing project atmosphere around him, backed away. “Ugh, you fucking fucks! How can you even say that! None of you three are even black.” He said. Numerous jeers were heard stating they didn’t care.\n\n“S’right.” Gareth said. “Whatchu know about that, probably nothing.”\n\n“You know stupid you look?!”\n\n“We mad stupid in this hoe!!!!” They all said.\n\n“Ugh, I’m leaving.” Nazoc turned tail and walked.\n\n“Heheh, yeah, that was good.” Madrid said.\n\n\nThey stood and sold their diapers for a good long while, indulging in some beers as they did so. They sold well, and they could get away with selling for nearly retail at an insane profit for the zero dollars they spent. After several hours, Gareth stood and counted his money, throwing some to Rowan and Madrid. They also all had their pick of ones to keep, Gareth giving his homies a roughly equal share.\n\n“We just copped the biggest come up ever mane. Now we party for real.” Madrid said.\n\n“Yeah, tonight though, I was thinking we go bigger.” Gareth said.\n\n“Ahh guys that sounds cool but I should probably go home to my mom. They’re gonna be so impressed by my Maros Super Fly Andrew Tate Edition huggies.”\n\n“Yuh, crank that shit young blood.” Madrid said, now chiefing on a blunt. “What’s that mean though homie? I was thinking we’d chill.”\n\n“Bye young thug.” Gareth said as Rowan rolled away. “Yeah, we made a small stain last night, so this one, I want to go for the big heist. The Maros diaper company itself. Now stealing from the makers may not be the wisest move, but this is a wolf eat wolf world. To the top G goes the spoils, ya kna mean.” Gareth took a knee in the snow in his soggy diaper as he look at the sunset.\n\n“Yeah, I know you mean, like, capitalism and shit.”\n\n“Now it’s not a whole economic system to blame, that’s just nature man, like human nature and the culture my nigga. Yoknowwhum talkin’ bout. Anyways I’m the top G, so I’m taking whatever.” Gareth said, gulping some beer.\n\n“That sounds like a pretty hard to thing to do though man. Like what do you even do, they prolly got security and shit.” Madrid said, aimlessly gesturing with his loud hand as he spoke.\n\n“Yeah I’ll bang, get in get out, and if I need to I’ll bust a cap in they ass, ya kna mean.” \n\n“Psssshhh, you ain’t killed before. We don’t know what that’s like, taking a man’s life.”\n\n“You do what you gotta do slime.” Gareth said.\n\n“Aight I’ll come with, just, let’s say getaway driver huh. But not before I get my percs.” \n\n\n\nThe two walked up in the hood and met up with more homies, in the process re-upping, copping a getaway SUV, and acquiring an illegal firearm that Gareth now stuffed in the back of his diaper waistband. “Oh yeah, we gangsta in this ho.” \n\nThey parked up just outside the back of the monolithic Maros Pillowpants Incorporated HQs’ distribution wing. Madrid sat in the front seat, with a glock of his own stuffed somewhere in his coat, while Gareth stood partway out of the door. “Yeah jit, we boutta slide.”\n\n“Stay steady nigga.” Gareth said, turning and dapping up with him.\n\n“Yeah, you go my nigga, score that shit. Make it back to me.”\n\n“You know it nigga. Alright, it’s time to go. I’m moving.”\n\nGareth got out and approached a window. He produced a brick and smashed through the window, then jumped in, yeezys crunching on broken glass. He found himself in a dark empty office room. He approached the door and could faintly hear people.\n\nHe opened the door and creeped, looking around while shrunk against the wall. It was a plain, sanitary hallway. He determined that one side led to the area stock was being packed for shipping and inched toward it, before a thought hit him.\n\n“Shit, I haven’t thought this through at all.”\n\nHe had no idea to get past the people here, let alone get any number of diapers out. He now hesitated to move or do anything. He inched back away and started down the hall as his mind and heart went fast. He rounded a corner, and soon after, he heard a door opening in front of him. He froze and out walked some worker in a suit, right into his sight.\n\n“Hey, what are you doing here.” Some lower management middle class mutt well down his 30s said. \t\n\n“Uhmmm, I, uhhh.”\n\n“Hey this is a kid.” He noticed the SMG bulging the small teen’s pants. “And he’s got a gun! Security!”\n\n“Aww shit.” He started to run and was immediately met by a small swarm of security guards. They approached and attempted to grab him, and he tried to fight.\n\n“Stop!”\n\n“Stop! Hands behind your back!”\n\nIn the ensuing scene he was thrown about like a ragdoll and pinned to the ground, struggling for a while before getting they proceeded to cuff him.\n\n\n\nHe ended up cuffed to a chair in the back while some suit made a phone call, multiple things confiscated from him, then picked up by a cop after many long minutes. He now sat in the back of a cop car to take him to a youth detention center in temporary custody.\n\nA mint green raccoon, who was relatively young for a beat cop, sat in the drivers’ seat. “Heh. Stealing from Maros. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”\n\nGareth sat silently fuming with the cuffs behind him. Both figuratively and literally as his diaper reeked of ammonia.\n\n“Kids these days. Think you’re gangsta. You really thought you could get away with this one?”\n\nGareth turned his head away, eyes locking on the dark, calm streets outside the window.\n\n“I know your type, with the hip hop and the drugs and the swagger like you’re all that. You should be ashamed.” In an extraordinary example of a saidbookism he prodded, specifically for a response, and he got one.\n\n“Hey, I’m gangsta.” He said as he made brief eye contact with the cop’s reflection in the rear view mirror.\n\n“No you’re not, you’re just a white bread little punk.”\n\n“That still sounds pretty gangsta.”\n\nThe cop narrowed his eyes. “You only think that cause big corporate suits have propagated the idea that being a degenerate criminal is sympathetic and glamorous. The man has both the young, dumb rich and the poor “inner city youths” infatuated with brands and messaging created by metrosexual scum. And this has been going on since before you were born, you were shaped by it.”\n\n“What?” Gareth asked.\n\nThe cop just chilled with sullen drawn eyes on the road, and hands on the steering wheel. “I do get it you know. I know what it’s like to not know better. Hnh. Kids never change. Some shit never changes..”\n\nGareth scoffed. “Whatever man. You know what rarely changes? My diaper.”\n\n“I could’ve guessed.” The cop said. He pulled into the detention center. “You got some serious charges you know, but I’m sure you’re not being tried as an adult. Not yet. I hope reality smacks you in the face before then.”\n\nGareth rolled his eyes as he got out to get booked and placed in temporary holding. As soon as he was out of his sight though, he said to himself, “Man that cop said some real shit.”\n\n\n\n\nGareth woke up the following morning at about noon, all sweaty and laying in a clusterfuck of sheets halfway off the bed. He had been booked and released with a juvenile court date he was probably blowing off. His vague recollection of the past night was clouded by a present throbbing headache and nausea, but he was unbothered. He just thought about getting the day started.\n\nHe lurched out of bed and approached a shelf in the corner of his room, where behind a strategically placed gift bag and an old picture frame with a stock photo for example still in it was a bottle of cheap liquor, which he chugged a lot of with no hesitation. The swill didn’t exactly go down easy as it gave him a renewed urge to throw up. The endorphins felt alright though.\n\nHe sat at his computer desk at the other side of his room, where he had a shitty prebuilt “gaming PC” set up. He booted it up and was greeted by a browser window and Discord, as well as a window informing him Flash is dead. He clicked onto Discord, where he was on the ‘friends’ screen with the left side of the screen filled with old and dead shitposting servers, most of which were muted except his personal server, also not too active but bearing some personal significance to him nonetheless. The latest new notifications were, as expected, DMs from Madrid sent at 9 AM, but before that:\n\nRowanS99: Help Gareth I tweeted a rap song with the N word in it and now I’m getting cancelled on twitter\nRowanS99: I am so livvy dunne\n\nGareth clicked off of those and onto Madrid’s DMs.\n\ncarfentanylrave: where the fuck you at bruh\ncarfentanylrave: im kinda freakin out\n\nGareth raised his hands dramatically above his keyboard and began to type.\n\nTheTopG: I’m here boy\nTheTopG: I got busted and shit, we tried, but yeah I’m at my fuckin mom’s house now\n\nAfter a few minutes, a reply came.\n\ncarfentanylrave: awwwwwwww shit\ncarfentanylrave: boy you were not slickwitit were you\nTheTopG: Okay yeah, I was low key tweaking\ncarfentanylrave: high key tweaking\nTheTopG: What can I say nigga, I tried\nTheTopG: How’d it go for you?\ncarfentanylrave: well actually I nodded off the perc in the front seat of the car for 14\nhours\nTheTopG: Ha\ncarfentanylrave: on god\nTheTopG: On crip\ncarfentanylrave: at least we’re having a better time than those retards probably are\nTheTopG: I don’t even remember who you’re talking about but you’re right\n\ncarfentantylrave is typing...\n\nTheTopG: I mean it don’t fuckin tell me\ncarfentanylrave: Okay fine geez\ncarfentanylrave: so like what now dude\n\n\nGareth looked up from his monitor and heard his mother was still home. He then got up and opened his window and looked outside to the projects to see people still out partying.\n\nHe looked to his next door neighbors, the Dieuveilles. Young male Haitian dogs, lying in the pool, smoking weed, bumping mumble rap, chilling. Gareth smiled as he went back to the computer.\n\nTheTopG: It’s still the weekend bitch\nTheTopG: Let’s do it the fuck again\ncarfentanylrave: (Casey neistat OK hand sign) \n\nAnd with that, Gareth was out the window.\n\n\nGareth, Madrid, and Rowan stood on the sidewalk, the latter two decked out in their new huggies, and drank in some run-down suburban neighborhood with a constant backdrop of blaring spanish music.\n\n“Aww shit, here comes my dad.”\n\nA big fat golden retriever rolled past in a clapped-out pickup, and slowed down as he looked upon his son.\n\n“Damn it Raul that shirt with your pechos masculinos makes you look like some white prostituta!” He was the most stereotypical mexican ever, and he was going off.\n\n“God fucking damn it dad, it’s Madrid and I’m, fucking, like, not a girl, or a man, and like, uhhhh-”\n\nHe stopped the truck and got out as his voice rose to shouting. “You need to get your head out of that gringo shit and start acting straight!” He approached Madrid, holding up his finger.\n\n“Hey, soy una persona no binaria válida y debes respetarme, además eso es homofóbico!”\n\n“Ningún hijo mío se pavoneará como una puta y abandonará su orgullosa herencia!”\n\nThe two shouted and argued in spanish with no mind to the people hearing them. Gareth struggled not to laugh while Rowan looked a little scared. In the middle he let out a chortle and said “Can you believe this shit?” They finally finished after a full 2 minutes before the monkey just stopped and got back in his truck with a mean look. Madrid exchanged looks with them.\n\n“Yeah yeah I know.”\n\n“Hhaahahah, holy shit, that was almost as bad as the auditions for Hazbin Hotel.”\n\n\nVivienne Madreno sat in a studio recording booth. “That was pretty good, but could you do it again and say the words ‘fuck’ and ‘dick’ a few more times?”\n\n\n\nMadrid re-lit a square and dragged on it. “I don’t wanna bitch but when I turn 18 I’m so getting a house and a restraining order.”\n\n“Heh, when I turn 18 I’ll be the Top G.” Gareth said.\n\n“You get the point.” He said. \n\n“Hey if your dad doesn’t like white boy shit like what you got goin on, then like, why’d he marry and procreate with your white ass mom?”\n\n“Hey, first of all, it’s not white boy shit homes, it’s like, I know tons of non-binary and other trans PoC online.” Madrid said, gesturing with his monkey paws as he spoke.\n\n“I could believe that.”\n\n“Ugh, what’s your problem with it anyways?”\n\n“My problem is that it resulted in your confused ass my nigga, you don’t know who to belong to. Statistically mixed race children have way more issues and shit my nigga.”\n\n“Where’d you hear that, 4chan?”\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“Ugh, it’s like, literally not your problem and shit man, like why do you care.”\n\n“Hey, I can’t fix other people, but you know given the opportunity I’d make it illegal. What was ever the problem with caring anyway? Hell I respect people who care more than I do.” Gareth said.\n\nMadrid paused in perplexion. “I... guess.” \n\n\n\nThey then walked to an alley behind the house and Madrid pulled the tarp off their car. They got in and Gareth started to drive towards the hood. Madrid took the opportunity to play Pinkerton on the bluetooth.\n\n“Yo, what do you think of calling a meeting with our blow plug?” Gareth asked.\n\n“You want to do some coke again? Sheeesh.” Madrid said. \n\n“Wow I’ve never done that, you are so Travis Scott.” Rowan said from the back seat.\n\n“Yeah young jit, I’m so gonna show you thangs, ya kna mean.” He said.\n\n“Alright but don’t get so touchy-feely this time.” Madrid said.\n\n“I’ll try.” He swerved past a car which honked at him, on a suburban road. “Yeah let’s get fucked tonight, again.” He turned into the urban streets.\n\n\n\nGareth sat in the traphouse with the boys while wearing an Invader Zim Gir Hoodie along with stripy socks, chopping up lines on his phone.\n\n“You’re wearing that shit again?” Madrid asked.\n\n“I wear shit all the time, this is my coke-doing shit.”\n\n“That’s funny but it makes me wary.”\n\n“I know how it do bruh.” Gareth snorted a line and then jumped with joy. “Mmm, now that’s some good shit!”\n\nMadrid snorted a line himself. “Yuh, that’s some good cartel shit.”\n\n“Oh boy oh boy oh boy.” Rowan said as Gareth offered him his first line. He took the dollar bill and leaned down, slowly positioning his nostril correctly and inhaling the powder. He shot straight up, the shock of powder going up his nose and tingly numbness following, melting down his throat. “Holy Kai Cenat! This feels incredible! I’m baby gronk!”\n\n“That’s right buddy, feel it. Oooh oooh.” Gareth slapped Rowan on the back while laughing. “We’re getting fucking geeked, oh yeah.” He then railed some more.\n\nMadrid chuckled. “Shit we should bump some music in this ho.”\n\n“Yeah, absolutely.”\n\nHe then put on Sober to Death by Car Seat Headrest.\n\n“Oh my god.” Gareth said, taken by the music.\n\n“Heh.” Madrid said.\n\n“God, do more. You do more blow, and you do more blow, and I do more blow. More. MORE. MORE!” Gareth said, going gremlin mode. He inhaled wayyyyy more coke.\n\n“Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii-“\n\n\n\n\nGareth then woke up again, feeling even more fucked up yet sober than the previous night. He was spread eagle cross the block outside the trap, in a full diaper.\n\n“Fuck!”\n\nHe then turned and saw a random person standing there.\n\n“The fuck are you lookin’ at?”\n\n“The fuck are you looking at?” The stranger clapped back.\n\n“The fuck are YOU looking at?!” Gareth stood and screeched back.\n\n\n\nGareth, Madrid, and Rowan were all slumped on the furniture in this random nigga’s house, speaking of which it was the plug, Pablo.\n\n“Hey Pablo, thanks for letting me crash here Pablo, like, big ups man.” Gareth said.\n\n“Gareth you were like, all fucked up.” said Madrid.\n\n“Yeah nigga that was like kind of sus, no cap.”\n\n“Nigga I’m high on twelve jason bournes!” Gareth said, obviously taken aback.\n\n“We sell drugs here nigga, not gay sex.” Pablo chimed in.\n\n“Oh fuck.” Gareth said. “I’m sorry nigga I just like, want you and shit.”\n\n“Motherfucker what?” Madrid asked.\n\n“I-I mean no homie love? No hug?”\n\n“Nigga, I mean yeah, homie love.”\n\nGareth held out his arms, and Madrid embraced him for a moment.\n\n“Now go change your diaper.”\n\nGareth straightened up his tie as he walked into school and made a long stroll down a corridor to the back of the whole school, where the smallest, frankly derelict clubrooms were. He proceeded to the clubroom of his club, the White Boy Summer Club.\n\n“Heh. Yeah.” Gareth said as he positioned his shades atop his head and stepped inside towards Madrid. However he turned around and saw some other nigga coming towards the room.\n\n“Yo what’s goo-“ He then looked shocked. “Nazoc?! The fuck you doin’ here?”\n\n“That’s none of your beeswax.” Nazoc said.\n\n“Man get the fuck up outta here before you be layin’ on your back!”\n\n“Hey man, look at that sign right there!” Nazoc pointed at the sign of the room right next to Gareth’s. It read ‘The Going Home Club’.\n\n“The fuck was a going home club anyways?”\n\n“Umm, actually-“\n\n“Naw nigga I’m just fuckin’ wit you, now go on, spit ya shit.”\n\nNazoc rolled his eyes. “My club got moved to this room by that student council.”\n\n“Damn.” Gareth said.\n\nMadrid popped his head out. “Hahahah, pendejo.”\n\n“So where’s the breakfast club?” Gareth walked into the room and saw the lot of them gawking at him while in a room full of boxes of manga. “Ahh, there they are!” Hector, Carmine, Naomi, Xiaoyu, and Masaya all were in there.\n\n“Gareth, oh my god literally what the fuck-“ Naomi said.\n\nMadrid made an L sign on his forehead while peering into the room and Gareth joined him.\n\n“Like, fucking bigots. Don’t they know they’re not even black.” Carmine said, his voice cracking mid-sentence.\n\n“You scrotes enjoy your dubstep and eminem.” Gareth said.\n\n“Eminem?” Nazoc asked.\n\n“Nazoc!” Victoria suddenly barged in, causing Gareth to make an ‘Ah!’.\n\n“Oh great, Victoria. What do you want?”\n\n“Who’s this broad?” Gareth asked. He then noticed there was someone missing here. “Oh speaking of which, hey thumbtack, where’s your wahmen?”\n\n“His bitch must have left him on read.” Madrid and him both started geeking.\n\nVictoria looked at them and was vaguely offended but decided to tune them out. “You may have gotten away with your club in tact this time, but there won’t be a next time-“\n\n“I mean- Ugh, I’m gonna kick your fucking asses.” Nazoc said as Gareth and Madrid continued laughing.\n\n“Woaaaahhhhh!” They said.\n\nVictoria made a haughty huff. “Are you even listening?”\n\n“I’m serious!” Nazoc said. “Victoria I’m busy!” He then snapped at Victoria.\n\nVictoria looked genuinely hurt but then noticed Gareth getting more aggressive. She then made a sly smirk. “Perhaps this guy has potential.”\n\n“Man, you better like, shut up boy, you don’t want these hands.”\n\n“Oh yeah?”\n\nThose who study niggaology may be familiar with the term ‘Nigga Moments’. You are about to witness one.\n\n“Yeah, I really mean it, bitch ass niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!”\n\nAll of the Going Home Club gasped, and Victoria’s whole demeanor deflated. She decided to slip out of the room now, closing the door behind her.\n\n“Headass, that dog bih shut us in with the tards.” Madrid said.\n\nNazoc then squared up with Gareth. He attempted to tower over him.\n\nGareth stared up and smirked. Nazoc then swung on him and he dipped and dived.\n\n“Go whiteboy go!” Madrid shouted at the top of his lungs.\n\nGareth went to go under Nazoc. “White boy slide, biiiiiiiii-“ Nazoc then kicked him so hard in the balls he squeaked and started wheezing.\n\n“Daaaaaaaaaaaamn!” The whole lot of them said.\n\nMadrid came up and got in Nazoc’s face. “Hey that’s a low blow puta-“ \n\n“No no it’s fine.” Gareth said, standing up while making pained grunts. “I’m still in, bitch.”\n\nNazoc looked intimidated for a second before turning around and squaring back up anyway. Madrid got out of the way for them as the tension mounted.\n\nGareth then lunged toward him and looked as if he were about to kick, but then tripped Nazoc onto himself. “Hiyahhh!” Against all expectations he then suplexed that hoe into the wall between the two rooms, knocking it down.\n\nThey all stood with their mouths agape as Nazoc lay in the rubble, dazed and confused.\n\n“GET CRUNK!” Madrid said.\n\n“Damn.” Cecil, who was watching this through a security camera said to himself.\n\n\n\nGareth, Madrid, and Rowan sat in the clubroom the next day, the classroom being left exactly as it was, minus Nazoc.\n\n“What do you think of this as a song title: ‘You’re Just Like Andrew Dobson’.”\n\n“Nigga like shut up, I’m busy doing nothing.”\n\n“Sheesh, muy caliente.” Gareth said.\n\n“Well at least we still got drugs. Niggas, show me your stash.”\n\n“Uhhhhh...” Rowan pulled out a Delta 8 cart.\n\n“Delta 8? Lil homie, I got some shit that will get you fucked up for real.” Madrid pulled out some top shelf zaza and enough percocets to kill an elephant.\n\n“We’re smokin’ filtered crack you stupid piece of shit.” Gareth busted out some crack laced with fentanyl.\n\n“Oh my god, don’t smoke THAT nigga.”\n\n“You’re making me want to.”\n\n“We’re smokin’ runtz.”\n\n“We smokin’ an opp pack today, I tell you what.” He said.\n\nMadrid started rollin up and then sparked up the blunt. He was a pretty good blunt roller. He lit it and then passed it to Rowan. He took a hit off it then started hacking a lung up. He handed it to Gareth who slyly took a nice drag on it.\n\n“Aw shit.” He got a nice headrush from smoking that pack. “We’re smokin’ them jordanian jibbies.”\n\n“This shit ain’t nothin’ to me man. I’m high on 12 vicodin smokin’ on scooby doo dick.” Madrid said. \n\n“Smokin’ fentanyl laced cereal milk, I see god.”\n\nHector sat at his gaming PC set up right on the other side of the broken wall. “They made the same joke, like three times already. I don’t think it’s funny anymore.”\n\n“Those losers, Eminem is definitely real rap.” Carmine said.\n\nNaomi came up to them, fuming. “Did I just hear you say you like Eminem?!”\n\nCarmine started to sweat. “Uhhh, maybe, why?”\n\n“This him?” Naomi held up a phone with Eminem on it, posing like the soyjak holding phone meme.\n\n“Oh wait how was I gonna start this shit again? Oh okay, this one goes out to Gen Z. I WAS OKAY WITH LGBTP UNTIL YOU ADDED THE +, REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS PIPING A FEMBOY AND HIS BUSSY STARTED BLEEDING WITH PUS”\n\nCarmine froze with shock. He went on his phone and started quietly deleting all his spotify playlists.\n\n“So how is Nazoc?” Hector asked.\n\n“It’s not good man.” Naomi said.\n\n\n\nNazoc was laying in a hospital bed with a sign above him reading “DYING OF WHITE BOY: DO NOT EAT”\n\n\n\nGareth, Madrid, and Rowan were at some local party with a bunch of other high schoolers. They had hella drugs in the function and were blasting loud music.\n\n“Soulja boy up in this hoe, watch me crank it, watch me ro’!” Gareth said, cranking that Soulja Boy.\n\nMadrid was trying to do it too, but he was moving so slow he messed up every move.\n\n“Woooh! Kai cenat!” Rowan said, holding a red solo cup full of some bevvy.\n\nAfter he finished up the dance, he laughed and sat down to sip some drank. Then some sparkledog lookin ahh (just a scene-decorated person) came over and started to get really close to him all of a sudden.\n\n“Heyyyy, you had some sick moves out there! Weeewwwww!!!” This stranger said, in a singsongy clearly male voice. He wrapped right around his finger.\n\n“Oh hey, you’re a guy.” Gareth looked right down at the obvious dick bulge.\n\n“Heyyyyy I’m like, a traaannnsss girl.” \n\n“That’s what I said, a guy.” Gareth said, smirking.\n\nHe laughed. “Oh my god, you’re like, so funny! Wanna make out?”\n\nGareth started to cup that ass, but then looked toward Madrid and Rowan. “Actually, I’m saving it for someone.”\n\n“Not ready to be choosing huh?” \n\n“Don’t get me wrong, I find your likely insecurities hot.”\n\n“Aw shit, I think someone spiked the punch bowl.” Some nigga said.\n\nGareth began to laugh while shaking his head. “Nah man you tweakin-“\n\nA pill bottle with arms and a face then burst into the room like Kool-aid Man.\n\n“GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD MAN FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD, WHAT WHAT, WHAT WHAT”\n\n“AH” Gareth said. “This is as good as- I mean this almost as bad as-“\n\n“Damn it Gareth you already set up a cutaway, it’s my turn.” Madrid said. “This is almost as bad as the time we did ‘acid’ from a buddy that turned out to be an experimental research chemical.”\n\n\n\nGareth and Madrid stood among a bunch of dinosaurs that all looked like cereal box mascots in front of a school in a prehistoric-looking environment. “Holy crap dude, like I’m freaking out.”\n\n“Wait what game is this again?” Madrid asked.\n\nSome dolphin lookin ahh bih walked up next to them with AK, and proceeded to pump it as if it were a shotgun. “Goodbye Volcano High.” She then Goodbye Volcano High’d all over the place.\n\n\n\n“Heh. Non-sequitur humor. Anyways,” He ran to the bathroom and it was occupied. “Fuck.” He then ran into the kitchen with tons of people, pulled a stepstool up to the sink, and started to vomit. Madrid came and stood posted up next to him.\n\n“I did tell you to lay off.”\n\n“EEUUHHEUUUGH” Gareth said.\n\n“So besides that this party’s been lame as shit.” Madrid said.\n\n“Heh.” Gareth stepped down and wiped vomit from his lips. “Don’t be such a downer my skibidi, we got lit.”\n\n“Wow Gareth you’re fucked up.” Madrid said. “I’d drink more punch but I don’t need the carbs.”\n\n“Worried about your belly again? You woman.” Gareth said, and began fucking geeking.\n\nMadrid rolled his eyes.\n\n“So if you’re bored how about we have a little band meeting? We got the gig coming up.” Gareth said.\n\n“Well actually I was kinda meaning to tell you, we don’t really fit the band label you know, I don’t know if we’ll really be it, chief. You know what I mean? Like we don’t even have a bassist and you can barely play guitar. I mean we’re basically just a hip hop group but that’s mainly you.”\n\n“Hey, I’m working on iiiiiiiiiiiit. And on the bassist thing, who could be our bassist? I don’t know anyone who plays bass. Phweh.” He made a waving motion with his hand, but accidentally knocked someone in the back of the head with said motion. Said person then fell forward with a bunch of others in a domino line which then reached a red-lookin ahh nigga, who wasn’t knocked over but held the rest up. Not without spilling his punch though.\n\n“Hey!” The guy growled. “You made me spill my punch!” He looked at Gareth all angry-like.\n\n“Hey... Can you play bass?”\n\n“What?” He let all of them fall as he strode about, unassumingly making a circling motion around Gareth. “Well I CAN... but should I? I, Colton Welder, am a rhythm guitarist, of the band Deathcrunch.” He held up the guitar. \n\n“You’d be perfect for our band nigga! You play the bass, you’re gay, and you play guitar too! You can play whatever you want nigga, like you got the guitar and errythang.” Gareth said.\n\n“Gareeeeth, you’re tweakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.” Madrid said.\n\n“No trust me Madrid!” Gareth said, Colton cocking his eyebrow.\n\n“Well, IIIIII, uhh.” He thought for a moment. “I could, like, entertain that offer and shit bro. But before I ever even consider playing with you, you’ve got to show me you’re good shit, li’l boy.”\n\n“Oho, I think you’ll be most pleased.” Gareth said.\n\n“You also better have a fire band name.”\n\n“Fuck.”\n\n\nNazoc banged on the door of the Student Council room. Soon, it opened, but eerily there was no one there to open it. Nazoc just looked pissed off. He walked up into the lavish room, only to realize, he didn’t recall ever actually being in here and was baffled by said lavishness.\n\nCecil spun around in the chair dramatically. “’Sup.”\n\n“Ah! Shit.” Nazoc said. “Cecil.” He narrowed his eyes.\n\n“Maya.”\n\n“I wanted to tell you, there’s this new club in school, and I think you ought to know about it.”\n\n“Yeah I know, you’re talking about the White Boy Summer club.” Cecil said. \n\n“Yeah I’m assuming you know the problem.” Nazoc said.\n\n“And what problem would that be?” He asked, having his hands folded on the desk.\n\n“You mean besides the fact they’re like, chauvinist assholes with their music?” Nazoc said, speaking with contempt.\n\n“Nazoc.” Makoto said, suddenly appearing.\n\n“Makoto?” Nazoc asked.\n\n“Nazoc.” He said, hands on his hips. “I know you’re not actually trying to get some other club canned.”\n\n“What?!” Nazoc asked.\n\n“Kobayashi’s right, Maya.” Cecil said. “You know what they say about glass houses.”\n\n“You fucking fucks- My club isn’t the same as that flaming white boy asshole!”\n\n“You of all people coming after any club is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, and I’ve seen some pretty dumb things. Your club has been on thin ice since day one. Where exactly do you think you stand?” Makoto asked.\n\n“Kobayashi makes a good point, for once. Besides, the White Boy Summer Club is composed of straight A students, who as far as I know have been following the rules.” Cecil said with a shrug.\n\n“And the misogynist— and racist antics, and their music?”\n\n“Extracurriculars.” Cecil said, smiling.\n\n“Are you sure they’re model students though? I mean I kind of suspect them of being high all the time.” Makoto said.\n\nCecil raised the hand to Makoto. “If you want why don’t you wager it on your upcoming performance.” \n\n“Really? Goo-“\n\n“Sign here.” Cecil randomly held out a piece of paper and a pen.\n\nNazoc paused and then signed. “Wait-“\n\nCecil then hovered his finger over a red button labeled ‘Push in case of profligates’. A trapdoor then proceeded to open beneath Nazoc and he fell through.\n\n“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-“\n\n“Feel free to keep the pen!” Cecil said, before closing the trapdoor.\n\n“Was that really necessary?” Makoto asked.\n\n“Is it really necessary for you to not wear pants? I know we’re in a diaper school but that doesn’t mean you have to have it out all the time.”\n\nMakoto made a face like ‘really nigga’.\n\n\n\nThe four of them all got their instruments set up in the club room, Colton plugging in a bass. He started to test out chords, unconsciously treating it like a guitar for a minute, then stopping.\n\n“Alright I gotta show y’all my shit here first. Give ya a little demo.” He said.\n\n“Hold up, niggas, hold up.” Madrid said. “Why are we supposedly taking lessons from a guy who’s band sounds like a brand of cereal again?” \n\n“Hey. Be nice.” Colton said.\n\n“Chinga cabrona.”\n\nColton set the bass down and got in his face. “You want a fucking problem?”\n\n“Hey! Guys, like, don’t fight! Like holy skibidi, Gareth what do you think about this?” Rowan asked.\n\n“I dunno I kinda see both sides here.” Gareth said.\n\n“Whatever, you will be humbled by my playing.” Colton said, and turned back towards the bass.\n\n“Shit’s pretentious.” Madrid said under his breath as he sat behind his drums.\n\n“By the way Gary, I’ve seen you ‘round at Byrgen. Heh, straight edge like you better have some good shit.” Colton said as he picked up the bass.\n\nGareth stood for the challenge, face all steely and shit.\n\nColton pulled out a pick and then proceeded to play a hella lick on the bass, causing Gareth and Rowan to go “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” He then played a bass solo of extreme skill, starting in the latter half to sound more like a breakdown, like in deathcore, not that I would know what that sounds like because I don’t listen to fuckin deathcore.\n\n“Yeah, diddleydiddleydiddleydiddleydiddleydiddleydiddley-“ Colton finished up with the same note over and over.\n\n“YEAHHHHHH!” The two people cheering somehow managed to sound like 30 people manifested as he played the last note.\n\n“S’right bitches. What do you think about me now?” Colton asked, looking directly at Madrid.\n\n“Well, you got some skill holmes, not gonna lie. That wasn’t my kind of music but I liked it kinda.” Madrid said, looking down all sheepish-like.\n\n“Hmm. Soooo what kind of music DO you guys do?” Colton asked, leaning on the bass.\n\nGareth laughed nervously. “I think I can tell you about that. In fact I might as well even show you.”\n\n“Well then lay it on me man.” Colton said.\n\n“Alright, allow me to elucidate you.” Gareth said.\n\nCue a montage set to Blackout Drunk by Brad Sucks of Gareth showing and reciting lyrics to Colton and him facepalming at times, but then looking piqued at other times. Then they started to play a song for him, and he slowly joined in with his bass. Then they took a break to all smoke weed. Then in no time, he was rocking out with them.\n\n“Hahah! I haven’t had this much fun doing music in a long time! You guys aren’t half-bad. I mean the lyrics are weird but what a SOUND!”\n\n“Alright!” Gareth said, holding up his fist triumphantly.\n\n“Uhhhh, about the ‘guy’ thing...” Madrid said, before being cut off.\n\n“We gotta talk more about what song and shit we’ll lead with for the gig, but damn. I’m excited to play with you.” Colton said.\n\n“Yeah, shit’ll be epic.” Gareth said, with Colton going ‘Yuh’ every few seconds.\n\n“Also, I respect the gay shit.” He said, with a grin.\n\nGareth smirked and nodded.\n\n“Low key though we should rehearse more before the gig. I want our performances to be perfect.” Madrid said.\n\n“Chiiilll, we got time.” Colton said. “I respect your drumming by the way.”\n\n“Oh. Thanks.”\n\n“Yuh. So I’ll go make sure my schedule’s cleared and I’ll smell you fuckers later. Whoo!” Colton said, strolling out of the clubroom.\n\n“Wow. He was really a guy.” Gareth said.\n\n“Truly the guy of all time.” Madrid said.\n\n“Deadass.”\n\n\nGareth, Madrid, Rowan, and Colton were waiting behind a stage at a concert venue.\n\n“Mmm, it’s about that time huh guys? Anyone care for some drugs before the show?”\n\nMadrid and Colton simultaneously said\n\n“YEAH\n“No! Stay sober!”\n\nThey then glanced at each other.\n\n“Shit alright yeah, let’s stay sober. Fuck.” Gareth said.\n\n“Well to be fair you’re obviously not completely sober.”\n\n“Shit. Me too.” Madrid said.\n\nThey shrugged. Colton then looked outside the curtain and saw Nazoc’s band hanging out. “Huh?! Nazoc?!” Colton said. He then walked out. “HEY WHERE’S MY SIGNAL THE FIRING SQUAD CD MOTHERFUCKER-“\n\nMadrid yanked him back. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”\n\nMeanwhile, Nazoc and his band were freaking out and confused. “Fuck, Colton is with him????”\n\n“The hell?”\n\n“Why are they even here?” Jesse Cisnero asked.\n\n\n“Damn it, I can’t concentrate with that fucker around.” Colton said, practically snarling.\n\n“You don’t like his ass either huh? Damn.” Gareth said.\n\n“Yeah, you wanna know why? Because I was in the band with him! And that little prick had the audacity to kick me out from the band, for being bad at the guitar! ME.” He growled and held his claws up.\n\nThey all paused and stared at him, Gareth smiling. “My nigga.”\n\n“Uh-“ He paused. “Why do you not like him?”\n\n“Oh. Uhhhhhhhhh. I mean I just think he and his club are pretty lame. That’s pretty much it.” Gareth said.\n\n“Aye. And they’re player haters.” Madrid said.\n\n“Well. Fair enough. Uhh. I know what I need. I need... drugs!” He then returned to his vicious demeanor. “Yes! Get the fucking drugs! That’s the only way I’m gonna not fuck this up.”\n\n“Say less my nigga.” Gareth said. “Let’s get fucked up.”\n\nMadrid sighed. “Fine, 100%, let’s get fucked up.”\n\n\n\nA full audience watching, some femoid stepped on stage to announce the concert.\n\n“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and people who don’t identify as ladies or gentlemen! Today we have our headliner ‘Boreal Eclipse’!”\n\nNazoc and his band held up their hands as the crowd cheered.\n\n“But! Opening for them, we have...”\n\nThe female looked down at a cue card.\n\n“...Our Bodys in the Water.”\n\nThe lights suddenly dimmed and a spotlight shone down upon Gareth, Madrid, Rowan, and Colton who stood wearing ridiculous outfits including space age-looking visors and flowing robes, as well as eccentrically done weird hair styles with hella bangs making them look like pretty boys in their massive diapers.\n\nThe audience was instantly captured, Nazoc particularly agasp.\n\nGareth stood at the microphone. “All ye men, and women,” He said, clearly all fucked up yet fully lucid and concentrating. “Here I’ll play you a new song from my concept album I’m working on, it’s called,” He sighed. “Water.”\n\nMadrid raised his drumsticks and hit them together. “One two three!”\n\nThey began to play an absolute banger, Gareth having Colton play his rhythm guitar. They definitely had a noisy, garage rock-like sound, but there were some surprising harmonies between Gareth and Colton, a true showing of skill.\n\nGareth began to belt out lyrics.\n\n“All my niggas do the yaoi\nCause yuri ain’t shit\nYuri ain’t shit\nYuri ain’t shit\nYuri ain’t shit”\n\nHe walked around onstage swinging his arm. Colton and Madrid began to join in with him and make harmonies, with Rowan playing some soft and sweet countermelodies. They showed a truly great performance.\n\nNazoc stood with his jaw dropped as the audience started busting out the lighters and swaying them with the rhythm. Madrid played some rocking drums, an inspired performance, as Gareth crooned some touching lyrics.\n\n“I’m all with the G\nbut not the BL\nSometimes the T\nThe + can go to hell”\n\nThat whiteboy had soul. Everyone was floored. Insert live action footage of people crying. \n\nThey finished the song, bringing a tear to everyone in the room’s eye. Colton strummed one last time, and then Gareth closed with a “,thank you.”\n\nThe god Odin and Buddha and the ghost of Adolf Hitler were in the audience, looking on with approval.\n\nGareth walked over and embraced Madrid, them sharing a brief sober look with each other.\n\n“Encore! Encore! Encore! Encore!”\n\nThe audience began to shout. Gareth nodded and stepped back up to the microphone.\n\n“Alright. This next one is called My Dad Didn’t Buy Me a Car When I Turned 16 — He Sold Me One, and It Was a Lemon.”\n\nThey then began to play another absolute rocker. Everyone danced and clapped along and moved their bodies around a lot. It was like a fantasy.\n\n\n\nThe next day, Gareth was in the cafeteria at school with Madrid and Rowan. “I don’t understand why nobody’s talking about our performance yesterday.”\n\n“Yeah, I haven’t even seen a xeet about it, I don’t think anyone posted on Youtube shorts or even tiktok. This is so sus.” Rowan said.\n\nMakoto randomly appeared to them next to the table. “Actually I can shed some light on that, you guys were so zonked you thought you sounded a million billion times better than you actually did. I was in the audience.”\n\n\n\nThe band stood on stage in those outfits. Gareth strummed his guitar as he screamed into the microphone, not even words, just\n\n“AHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!”\n\nThe other band members repeated with him in an unhinged, cacophonous manner as they started collapsing on the stage and zoning out.\n\n\n“What the fuck? Why wouldn’t I remember that? I didn’t even take any drugs that would- ohhhhhh right, fentanyl.” Gareth said.\n\nRowan then raised his hand. “Um, I was there and didn’t take as many drugs. Gareth put his fentanyl laced crack in a super soaker and sprayed everyone afterward.”\n\n“Rowan, define ‘everyone’.”\n\nRowan raised his hand as if to say something again, then stopped and said “Oh.”\n\n“What the fuck? You drugged me with crack and fentanyl? Then why did I feel like I saw what I saw last night then went home and went to bed all normal like?”\n\n“It was good shit obviously.” Gareth said. “Anyways couldn’t you ask the other members of your, like, student council and shit to let you look at the cameras?”\n\nCecil walked up to the table. “Haha, I wouldn’t release the footage to people without the clearance, Kobayashi, haha.”\n\n“Somehow I think you were behind half of that ordeal.”\n\n“Haha, you’re only half right.”\n\nKobayashi just looked tired at this point.\n\n“Well that sucks. Thanks anyways federal government lookin’ ahh.” Gareth said.\n\n“Yeah and I don’t remember coming up with literally any of what we performed including the band name.” Madrid said.\n\n“I still don’t know why nobody’s even talking about it.” Gareth said.\n\n“Yeah.” Madrid said, and they all just kind of stared into space.", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Chronicles of the White Boy Summer Club
Pilot episode:
"Another Flawless Victory for Gay Aryan Space Diaper Boys"
 
By Dumpsterhuggies

Based on Chronicles of the Going Home Club by Nazoc

Disclaimer: This story contains multiple characters based on real people. This is only intended to represent them in an extremely limited and fictionalized extent, as I have to pretend I know a lot more about them than I actually do to write about them. This is a work of fiction and parody. Viewer discretion is advised.

A teenage dog-monkey hybrid lied splayed out across a whole couch. He idly flipped around channels, kinda zoned out, taking a short time to watch each of them. He turned it to the news and was assailed with footage of some average-looking wolf guy taping a diaper around his waist. He stood up, and immediately had difficulty walking. “Wow guys, these Maros Pillowpants are so thick! Oh my god, like, smash that like button guys. Wow this is kinda hard to walk actually. Hold on-” He stumbled around and out of his room, and then attempted to go down a flight of stairs, only to then tumble down them.

This caught the attention of the two teenagers in the room. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!”

The camera abruptly zoomed out to reveal some female rat newscaster. “And this was the footage that’s landing the Maros diaper company in hot water. Due to this shocking development, extra thick diapers have been temporarily pulled from shelves in anticipation of vast legal troubles for the company.”

“Damn!”

A white skunk lied splayed across the floor, looking up from a book. “Man what is this shit, they not sellin thick diapers no more nigga?”

“Ayayay, that’s like, retarded and shit.”

“Yeah like, this is just like when McRonald’s got sued for that dumb old white bitch who spilled hot coffee on herself and shit, it’s like, what the hell man.”

“Yeah, it’s like, damn.”

“Gyatt damn.”



Later that evening, Gareth walked around testing door handles in some random parking lot around some hotel. Eventually he decided to just smash the window to a 2022 Hyundai Tucson, and hopped on in. He produced a flathead screwdriver from his coat pocket, and broke off the ignition in one motion. He then inserted a USB cord, and the SUV revved to life.

He pulled out and couldn’t really see over the steering wheel so he attempted to drive cautiously, and yet was very reckless. He rolled up to a nearby gas station, where Madrid waited. The busty dog-monkey stood in the cold out front in his military parka, smoking squares with a big brown paper bag at his feet, thanks to clerks that don’t card. Gareth opened the door and he hopped in with numerous crinkles, both of his diaper and the paper bag.

“Ayo, kept you waiting, huh?”

“Yuh, here you go.” Madrid passed him a 40 oz Steel Reserve, then got comfortable himself, square in one hand and 40 in the other.

“Yay, time to drink and drive. Steel Reserve, 211, whatchu know about that? Probably tons.” Gareth cracked it and took off again as he chugged the high gravity beverage.

Madrid took a drag in between swigs. “Damn, you should just stand up and use a mop to push the pedals at this rate.”

“Nah bruh, this works.” Gareth said, and proceeded to immediately swerve and narrowly miss an oncoming car. He let out a huge burp. “So I was thinking, they’re only putting out that stupid ass recall just like, today and sheeeit.”

“So?”

“Perhaps we could swing by the stores that still stock them and snag their last stock. And by that, I mean stealing all of it. That way we’ll own all the diapers.” He said.

“Ohhhh, shit that’ll be a good lick, kinda risky though.”

“Yuh, but that way, y’know, diapers are our shit man. Them big diapers especially are real trap shit, no cap. This is putting things right, right, like, you and me and our homies man, we rock big diapers the best, ya kna mean. We’ll have all them huggies to ourselves and shit, and that’s how it should be. Ya kna mean?”

“Yeah, y’ain’t lyin.” Madrid said, lighting another ciggie with the butt end of the previous one. “But, don’t you think, you know, you could sell them.”

“Ah shit, that’s a good idea actually. Damn, my mind was on one track nigga, ya kna mean. Sheeeeit. Only to good-looking guys.” He cleared his throat. “You down?”

“I’m in and fine, I tolerate your discrimination this time.”

Gareth soon pulled up to a diaper store nearby, and the increasingly drunk pair of teens moved to exit the vehicle.

“Shit I haven’t done this a lot before, feel me?” Madrid said, head spinning as he stood.

“Just follow my lead and shit.” Gareth slammed the car door shut then approached the store. He pushed the door open and was greeted by the sterile store interior, bright colors decorating the walls. Good signs that they were out of the hood. Gareth grabbed a small shopping cart and immediately passed it to Madrid to drive.

The eyes of a white wolf dude, no doubt a fairly young adult, were already on the two teenagers the moment they pulled up in a Tucson. He watched from behind the counter as they navigated themselves towards what appeared to be biggest, priciest diapers, where he could see everything they were doing due to the low shelves.

Gareth hurriedly stuffed as many as he could into the shopping cart, having it totally full within mere seconds. He then directed Madrid to go back out, and both did their best casual ‘I’m totally not stealing’ walks they could.

The wolf’s hands tensed and in this fight or flight moment, he chose fight.

Gareth glanced and saw it in his eyes before the clerk started towards him. “Aw shit go go go nigga!”

Madrid booked it towards the door. “Oh shit oh gosh-“

Gareth saw the guy go in to try and stop Madrid, but the accelerating cart was way too fast and barreled right past him, causing him to fall. Gareth then tripped and fell on top of him.

“Aw shit, fuck.” Gareth struggled to get up with the whole writhing mass of adult fur beneath him.

Madrid checked and upon seeing no white skunk boy at his side, turned back towards him. In full reactive mode he went and pulled Gareth up by the arms, and both of them ran towards the car.

Realizing he turned the engine off like a dumbass, they both threw all the diapers in the back before getting in, starting it up, and taking back off. “Whew,” Madrid said, feeling adrenaline strike amidst his rolling malt liquor buzz.

“Guess next time one of us should be getaway driver. Or how would that work?” Gareth said, slurring his words.

“Iunno, I thought you would know.”

“It’s a science in practice and shit youknowhumsayin.” Gareth said, off to his next lick.

The two plundered a couple more stores of their diapers, racking up hundreds, possibly bordering on thousands in stolen goods, all from diaper stores catering to middle class white suburbians, each one several minutes apart, but still a plenty in Nine Lakes.

As the two drove towards yet another store, suddenly they heard police sirens behind them. Madrid glanced at the rear-view mirror and saw the cops. “Aw shit.”

Gareth, thoroughly drunk from having put a whole 40 oz in his 90-pound body, turned the radio on to a hip-hop station, cranked that shit, and sped up without hesitation. “That one fuckin’ guy definitely called the cops an’ shit! Not too many purple dogmonkeys around town huh?!

“They knew your short white skunk ass too homes!” Madrid said, having to talk loud over the music.

“Madrid, you are my favorite LatinX in the world.” Gareth said, stretching his hand towards him.

“Yeaheah- hey watch the road foo’!”

“Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.” He swerved around more cars and approached a busy intersection at high speed, causing the traffic to become a veritable clusterfuck as the police cruiser lagged behind them. The cop soon terminated the chase, no doubt for safety concerns. “Yeaahhh boi!” The two erupted in drunken celebrations. “Less’ drive this muhfugga home. Shit I better call a homeboy to stash this shit with. Yuh, yuh.”

“Good shit nigga.”



The next day at about noon, after curbing his morning hangover with a little hair of the dog, and then a little more, Gareth stood in the projects where he lived. The rev of stolen cars rang out among the din of clamoring impoverished furs, a small crowd assembled around him and his stolen goods. Most of them were merely standing around drinking or smoking or partaking in any number of drugs, bundled up in ugly coats, and chatting or nodding off. Nearest to him were a few Haitian dogs from an immigrant family he was acquainted with, who stood watch for just a few diapers each thrown their way.

Soon, a kid with bright red fur rolled up on a scooter, wearing a flashy but childish outfit.

“Ayyy, there’s my boy, Rowan.” Gareth said as the cat-skunk hybrid got off and dapped him up. They were the same height despite Gareth being a few years older.

“Wow Gareth, you’re so cool.” Rowan said. “I’m gonna look so rizzed up with these super swag diapers while no one else has them!”

“Yeah, that’s right. Your ass is gonna look great. Mmm, put ‘em on now.” Gareth said.

Rowan giggled. “Not right here Gareth, ‘sides, I don’t need a change yet.”

“Weh.” Gareth said, burying his face in that tail.

A short while later, Madrid walked up. “Sorry I was late, my head’s killin’ me.” He said.

“S’all good my nigga.” Gareth said.

“Hi ohio skibidi!” Rowan said.

“Ay lil homie.” Madrid fist bumped him.

“Give me some of that.” Gareth said, also fist bumping. “Sheeeeit we gonna stack some real paper.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna get lit nigga. You sure niggas in the projects are the best target demographic though?” Madrid said.

“Well we got some hot people here like the Dieuveilles.” He gestured to the aforementioned Haitian dogs present.

“Yeah. I guess it’s better than selling to some dumbasses at school.”

“Heh, imagine if one of them walked up.” Gareth said.

“Yeah, we’d be stylin’ on their bitch ass.” Rowan said, making the vaguest gang signs known to man

“Yuh, yuh.” Gareth said.

Right after Gareth said that, they noticed a familiar blue-green catweasel trudging in their direction.

“Speak of the fucking devil. Look at that!”

“Hahahahaha, it’s Nazzy!” Rowan said.

“Awww shit, already?” Madrid said.

“I maayyyyy have said something at middle school then made a xeet about it.”

Nazoc Nashara Maya approached clothed in a heavy coat and snow pants. He stood before them, eyes filled with contempt. “I heard you were up to no good.”

“Boy you ain’t heard shit my nigga, hahahahaha.” Gareth said, leaning on Rowan’s shoulder. “What, you want to buy one?”

Nazoc exhaled through his nose. “Like I would ever give money to you. God this is no fair! You hoodlums got all the good diapers now.”

“Yeah, that’s what’s good, youknowhumsayin, like we rock them huggies better than you. Like that’s just how we do.”

“Yeah nigga yeah!” A small uproar resounded around him.

“Chinga tu madre, pendejo.” Madrid said.

“Yeah, gatorade glacier freeze lookin’ ahh.” Gareth said.

“Yeah livvy dunne, you will never be GOAT, like we’re baby gronk!” Rowan said.

One of the Dieuveilles joined in. “Yeah stupid ahh bih, we on that real shit muhfugga.”

Nazoc, feeling suddenly intimidated by the government housing project atmosphere around him, backed away. “Ugh, you fucking fucks! How can you even say that! None of you three are even black.” He said. Numerous jeers were heard stating they didn’t care.

“S’right.” Gareth said. “Whatchu know about that, probably nothing.”

“You know stupid you look?!”

“We mad stupid in this hoe!!!!” They all said.

“Ugh, I’m leaving.” Nazoc turned tail and walked.

“Heheh, yeah, that was good.” Madrid said.


They stood and sold their diapers for a good long while, indulging in some beers as they did so. They sold well, and they could get away with selling for nearly retail at an insane profit for the zero dollars they spent. After several hours, Gareth stood and counted his money, throwing some to Rowan and Madrid. They also all had their pick of ones to keep, Gareth giving his homies a roughly equal share.

“We just copped the biggest come up ever mane. Now we party for real.” Madrid said.

“Yeah, tonight though, I was thinking we go bigger.” Gareth said.

“Ahh guys that sounds cool but I should probably go home to my mom. They’re gonna be so impressed by my Maros Super Fly Andrew Tate Edition huggies.”

“Yuh, crank that shit young blood.” Madrid said, now chiefing on a blunt. “What’s that mean though homie? I was thinking we’d chill.”

“Bye young thug.” Gareth said as Rowan rolled away. “Yeah, we made a small stain last night, so this one, I want to go for the big heist. The Maros diaper company itself. Now stealing from the makers may not be the wisest move, but this is a wolf eat wolf world. To the top G goes the spoils, ya kna mean.” Gareth took a knee in the snow in his soggy diaper as he look at the sunset.

“Yeah, I know you mean, like, capitalism and shit.”

“Now it’s not a whole economic system to blame, that’s just nature man, like human nature and the culture my nigga. Yoknowwhum talkin’ bout. Anyways I’m the top G, so I’m taking whatever.” Gareth said, gulping some beer.

“That sounds like a pretty hard to thing to do though man. Like what do you even do, they prolly got security and shit.” Madrid said, aimlessly gesturing with his loud hand as he spoke.

“Yeah I’ll bang, get in get out, and if I need to I’ll bust a cap in they ass, ya kna mean.”

“Psssshhh, you ain’t killed before. We don’t know what that’s like, taking a man’s life.”

“You do what you gotta do slime.” Gareth said.

“Aight I’ll come with, just, let’s say getaway driver huh. But not before I get my percs.”



The two walked up in the hood and met up with more homies, in the process re-upping, copping a getaway SUV, and acquiring an illegal firearm that Gareth now stuffed in the back of his diaper waistband. “Oh yeah, we gangsta in this ho.”

They parked up just outside the back of the monolithic Maros Pillowpants Incorporated HQs’ distribution wing. Madrid sat in the front seat, with a glock of his own stuffed somewhere in his coat, while Gareth stood partway out of the door. “Yeah jit, we boutta slide.”

“Stay steady nigga.” Gareth said, turning and dapping up with him.

“Yeah, you go my nigga, score that shit. Make it back to me.”

“You know it nigga. Alright, it’s time to go. I’m moving.”

Gareth got out and approached a window. He produced a brick and smashed through the window, then jumped in, yeezys crunching on broken glass. He found himself in a dark empty office room. He approached the door and could faintly hear people.

He opened the door and creeped, looking around while shrunk against the wall. It was a plain, sanitary hallway. He determined that one side led to the area stock was being packed for shipping and inched toward it, before a thought hit him.

“Shit, I haven’t thought this through at all.”

He had no idea to get past the people here, let alone get any number of diapers out. He now hesitated to move or do anything. He inched back away and started down the hall as his mind and heart went fast. He rounded a corner, and soon after, he heard a door opening in front of him. He froze and out walked some worker in a suit, right into his sight.

“Hey, what are you doing here.” Some lower management middle class mutt well down his 30s said. \t

“Uhmmm, I, uhhh.”

“Hey this is a kid.” He noticed the SMG bulging the small teen’s pants. “And he’s got a gun! Security!”

“Aww shit.” He started to run and was immediately met by a small swarm of security guards. They approached and attempted to grab him, and he tried to fight.

“Stop!”

“Stop! Hands behind your back!”

In the ensuing scene he was thrown about like a ragdoll and pinned to the ground, struggling for a while before getting they proceeded to cuff him.



He ended up cuffed to a chair in the back while some suit made a phone call, multiple things confiscated from him, then picked up by a cop after many long minutes. He now sat in the back of a cop car to take him to a youth detention center in temporary custody.

A mint green raccoon, who was relatively young for a beat cop, sat in the drivers’ seat. “Heh. Stealing from Maros. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”

Gareth sat silently fuming with the cuffs behind him. Both figuratively and literally as his diaper reeked of ammonia.

“Kids these days. Think you’re gangsta. You really thought you could get away with this one?”

Gareth turned his head away, eyes locking on the dark, calm streets outside the window.

“I know your type, with the hip hop and the drugs and the swagger like you’re all that. You should be ashamed.” In an extraordinary example of a saidbookism he prodded, specifically for a response, and he got one.

“Hey, I’m gangsta.” He said as he made brief eye contact with the cop’s reflection in the rear view mirror.

“No you’re not, you’re just a white bread little punk.”

“That still sounds pretty gangsta.”

The cop narrowed his eyes. “You only think that cause big corporate suits have propagated the idea that being a degenerate criminal is sympathetic and glamorous. The man has both the young, dumb rich and the poor “inner city youths” infatuated with brands and messaging created by metrosexual scum. And this has been going on since before you were born, you were shaped by it.”

“What?” Gareth asked.

The cop just chilled with sullen drawn eyes on the road, and hands on the steering wheel. “I do get it you know. I know what it’s like to not know better. Hnh. Kids never change. Some shit never changes..”

Gareth scoffed. “Whatever man. You know what rarely changes? My diaper.”

“I could’ve guessed.” The cop said. He pulled into the detention center. “You got some serious charges you know, but I’m sure you’re not being tried as an adult. Not yet. I hope reality smacks you in the face before then.”

Gareth rolled his eyes as he got out to get booked and placed in temporary holding. As soon as he was out of his sight though, he said to himself, “Man that cop said some real shit.”




Gareth woke up the following morning at about noon, all sweaty and laying in a clusterfuck of sheets halfway off the bed. He had been booked and released with a juvenile court date he was probably blowing off. His vague recollection of the past night was clouded by a present throbbing headache and nausea, but he was unbothered. He just thought about getting the day started.

He lurched out of bed and approached a shelf in the corner of his room, where behind a strategically placed gift bag and an old picture frame with a stock photo for example still in it was a bottle of cheap liquor, which he chugged a lot of with no hesitation. The swill didn’t exactly go down easy as it gave him a renewed urge to throw up. The endorphins felt alright though.

He sat at his computer desk at the other side of his room, where he had a shitty prebuilt “gaming PC” set up. He booted it up and was greeted by a browser window and Discord, as well as a window informing him Flash is dead. He clicked onto Discord, where he was on the ‘friends’ screen with the left side of the screen filled with old and dead shitposting servers, most of which were muted except his personal server, also not too active but bearing some personal significance to him nonetheless. The latest new notifications were, as expected, DMs from Madrid sent at 9 AM, but before that:

RowanS99: Help Gareth I tweeted a rap song with the N word in it and now I’m getting cancelled on twitter
RowanS99: I am so livvy dunne

Gareth clicked off of those and onto Madrid’s DMs.

carfentanylrave: where the fuck you at bruh
carfentanylrave: im kinda freakin out

Gareth raised his hands dramatically above his keyboard and began to type.

TheTopG: I’m here boy
TheTopG: I got busted and shit, we tried, but yeah I’m at my fuckin mom’s house now

After a few minutes, a reply came.

carfentanylrave: awwwwwwww shit
carfentanylrave: boy you were not slickwitit were you
TheTopG: Okay yeah, I was low key tweaking
carfentanylrave: high key tweaking
TheTopG: What can I say nigga, I tried
TheTopG: How’d it go for you?
carfentanylrave: well actually I nodded off the perc in the front seat of the car for 14
hours
TheTopG: Ha
carfentanylrave: on god
TheTopG: On crip
carfentanylrave: at least we’re having a better time than those retards probably are
TheTopG: I don’t even remember who you’re talking about but you’re right

carfentantylrave is typing...

TheTopG: I mean it don’t fuckin tell me
carfentanylrave: Okay fine geez
carfentanylrave: so like what now dude


Gareth looked up from his monitor and heard his mother was still home. He then got up and opened his window and looked outside to the projects to see people still out partying.

He looked to his next door neighbors, the Dieuveilles. Young male Haitian dogs, lying in the pool, smoking weed, bumping mumble rap, chilling. Gareth smiled as he went back to the computer.

TheTopG: It’s still the weekend bitch
TheTopG: Let’s do it the fuck again
carfentanylrave: (Casey neistat OK hand sign)

And with that, Gareth was out the window.


Gareth, Madrid, and Rowan stood on the sidewalk, the latter two decked out in their new huggies, and drank in some run-down suburban neighborhood with a constant backdrop of blaring spanish music.

“Aww shit, here comes my dad.”

A big fat golden retriever rolled past in a clapped-out pickup, and slowed down as he looked upon his son.

“Damn it Raul that shirt with your pechos masculinos makes you look like some white prostituta!” He was the most stereotypical mexican ever, and he was going off.

“God fucking damn it dad, it’s Madrid and I’m, fucking, like, not a girl, or a man, and like, uhhhh-”

He stopped the truck and got out as his voice rose to shouting. “You need to get your head out of that gringo shit and start acting straight!” He approached Madrid, holding up his finger.

“Hey, soy una persona no binaria válida y debes respetarme, además eso es homofóbico!”

“Ningún hijo mío se pavoneará como una puta y abandonará su orgullosa herencia!”

The two shouted and argued in spanish with no mind to the people hearing them. Gareth struggled not to laugh while Rowan looked a little scared. In the middle he let out a chortle and said “Can you believe this shit?” They finally finished after a full 2 minutes before the monkey just stopped and got back in his truck with a mean look. Madrid exchanged looks with them.

“Yeah yeah I know.”

“Hhaahahah, holy shit, that was almost as bad as the auditions for Hazbin Hotel.”


Vivienne Madreno sat in a studio recording booth. “That was pretty good, but could you do it again and say the words ‘fuck’ and ‘dick’ a few more times?”



Madrid re-lit a square and dragged on it. “I don’t wanna bitch but when I turn 18 I’m so getting a house and a restraining order.”

“Heh, when I turn 18 I’ll be the Top G.” Gareth said.

“You get the point.” He said.

“Hey if your dad doesn’t like white boy shit like what you got goin on, then like, why’d he marry and procreate with your white ass mom?”

“Hey, first of all, it’s not white boy shit homes, it’s like, I know tons of non-binary and other trans PoC online.” Madrid said, gesturing with his monkey paws as he spoke.

“I could believe that.”

“Ugh, what’s your problem with it anyways?”

“My problem is that it resulted in your confused ass my nigga, you don’t know who to belong to. Statistically mixed race children have way more issues and shit my nigga.”

“Where’d you hear that, 4chan?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh, it’s like, literally not your problem and shit man, like why do you care.”

“Hey, I can’t fix other people, but you know given the opportunity I’d make it illegal. What was ever the problem with caring anyway? Hell I respect people who care more than I do.” Gareth said.

Madrid paused in perplexion. “I... guess.”



They then walked to an alley behind the house and Madrid pulled the tarp off their car. They got in and Gareth started to drive towards the hood. Madrid took the opportunity to play Pinkerton on the bluetooth.

“Yo, what do you think of calling a meeting with our blow plug?” Gareth asked.

“You want to do some coke again? Sheeesh.” Madrid said.

“Wow I’ve never done that, you are so Travis Scott.” Rowan said from the back seat.

“Yeah young jit, I’m so gonna show you thangs, ya kna mean.” He said.

“Alright but don’t get so touchy-feely this time.” Madrid said.

“I’ll try.” He swerved past a car which honked at him, on a suburban road. “Yeah let’s get fucked tonight, again.” He turned into the urban streets.



Gareth sat in the traphouse with the boys while wearing an Invader Zim Gir Hoodie along with stripy socks, chopping up lines on his phone.

“You’re wearing that shit again?” Madrid asked.

“I wear shit all the time, this is my coke-doing shit.”

“That’s funny but it makes me wary.”

“I know how it do bruh.” Gareth snorted a line and then jumped with joy. “Mmm, now that’s some good shit!”

Madrid snorted a line himself. “Yuh, that’s some good cartel shit.”

“Oh boy oh boy oh boy.” Rowan said as Gareth offered him his first line. He took the dollar bill and leaned down, slowly positioning his nostril correctly and inhaling the powder. He shot straight up, the shock of powder going up his nose and tingly numbness following, melting down his throat. “Holy Kai Cenat! This feels incredible! I’m baby gronk!”

“That’s right buddy, feel it. Oooh oooh.” Gareth slapped Rowan on the back while laughing. “We’re getting fucking geeked, oh yeah.” He then railed some more.

Madrid chuckled. “Shit we should bump some music in this ho.”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

He then put on Sober to Death by Car Seat Headrest.

“Oh my god.” Gareth said, taken by the music.

“Heh.” Madrid said.

“God, do more. You do more blow, and you do more blow, and I do more blow. More. MORE. MORE!” Gareth said, going gremlin mode. He inhaled wayyyyy more coke.

“Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii-“




Gareth then woke up again, feeling even more fucked up yet sober than the previous night. He was spread eagle cross the block outside the trap, in a full diaper.

“Fuck!”

He then turned and saw a random person standing there.

“The fuck are you lookin’ at?”

“The fuck are you looking at?” The stranger clapped back.

“The fuck are YOU looking at?!” Gareth stood and screeched back.



Gareth, Madrid, and Rowan were all slumped on the furniture in this random nigga’s house, speaking of which it was the plug, Pablo.

“Hey Pablo, thanks for letting me crash here Pablo, like, big ups man.” Gareth said.

“Gareth you were like, all fucked up.” said Madrid.

“Yeah nigga that was like kind of sus, no cap.”

“Nigga I’m high on twelve jason bournes!” Gareth said, obviously taken aback.

“We sell drugs here nigga, not gay sex.” Pablo chimed in.

“Oh fuck.” Gareth said. “I’m sorry nigga I just like, want you and shit.”

“Motherfucker what?” Madrid asked.

“I-I mean no homie love? No hug?”

“Nigga, I mean yeah, homie love.”

Gareth held out his arms, and Madrid embraced him for a moment.

“Now go change your diaper.”

Gareth straightened up his tie as he walked into school and made a long stroll down a corridor to the back of the whole school, where the smallest, frankly derelict clubrooms were. He proceeded to the clubroom of his club, the White Boy Summer Club.

“Heh. Yeah.” Gareth said as he positioned his shades atop his head and stepped inside towards Madrid. However he turned around and saw some other nigga coming towards the room.

“Yo what’s goo-“ He then looked shocked. “Nazoc?! The fuck you doin’ here?”

“That’s none of your beeswax.” Nazoc said.

“Man get the fuck up outta here before you be layin’ on your back!”

“Hey man, look at that sign right there!” Nazoc pointed at the sign of the room right next to Gareth’s. It read ‘The Going Home Club’.

“The fuck was a going home club anyways?”

“Umm, actually-“

“Naw nigga I’m just fuckin’ wit you, now go on, spit ya shit.”

Nazoc rolled his eyes. “My club got moved to this room by that student council.”

“Damn.” Gareth said.

Madrid popped his head out. “Hahahah, pendejo.”

“So where’s the breakfast club?” Gareth walked into the room and saw the lot of them gawking at him while in a room full of boxes of manga. “Ahh, there they are!” Hector, Carmine, Naomi, Xiaoyu, and Masaya all were in there.

“Gareth, oh my god literally what the fuck-“ Naomi said.

Madrid made an L sign on his forehead while peering into the room and Gareth joined him.

“Like, fucking bigots. Don’t they know they’re not even black.” Carmine said, his voice cracking mid-sentence.

“You scrotes enjoy your dubstep and eminem.” Gareth said.

“Eminem?” Nazoc asked.

“Nazoc!” Victoria suddenly barged in, causing Gareth to make an ‘Ah!’.

“Oh great, Victoria. What do you want?”

“Who’s this broad?” Gareth asked. He then noticed there was someone missing here. “Oh speaking of which, hey thumbtack, where’s your wahmen?”

“His bitch must have left him on read.” Madrid and him both started geeking.

Victoria looked at them and was vaguely offended but decided to tune them out. “You may have gotten away with your club in tact this time, but there won’t be a next time-“

“I mean- Ugh, I’m gonna kick your fucking asses.” Nazoc said as Gareth and Madrid continued laughing.

“Woaaaahhhhh!” They said.

Victoria made a haughty huff. “Are you even listening?”

“I’m serious!” Nazoc said. “Victoria I’m busy!” He then snapped at Victoria.

Victoria looked genuinely hurt but then noticed Gareth getting more aggressive. She then made a sly smirk. “Perhaps this guy has potential.”

“Man, you better like, shut up boy, you don’t want these hands.”

“Oh yeah?”

Those who study niggaology may be familiar with the term ‘Nigga Moments’. You are about to witness one.

“Yeah, I really mean it, bitch ass niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!”

All of the Going Home Club gasped, and Victoria’s whole demeanor deflated. She decided to slip out of the room now, closing the door behind her.

“Headass, that dog bih shut us in with the tards.” Madrid said.

Nazoc then squared up with Gareth. He attempted to tower over him.

Gareth stared up and smirked. Nazoc then swung on him and he dipped and dived.

“Go whiteboy go!” Madrid shouted at the top of his lungs.

Gareth went to go under Nazoc. “White boy slide, biiiiiiiii-“ Nazoc then kicked him so hard in the balls he squeaked and started wheezing.

“Daaaaaaaaaaaamn!” The whole lot of them said.

Madrid came up and got in Nazoc’s face. “Hey that’s a low blow puta-“

“No no it’s fine.” Gareth said, standing up while making pained grunts. “I’m still in, bitch.”

Nazoc looked intimidated for a second before turning around and squaring back up anyway. Madrid got out of the way for them as the tension mounted.

Gareth then lunged toward him and looked as if he were about to kick, but then tripped Nazoc onto himself. “Hiyahhh!” Against all expectations he then suplexed that hoe into the wall between the two rooms, knocking it down.

They all stood with their mouths agape as Nazoc lay in the rubble, dazed and confused.

“GET CRUNK!” Madrid said.

“Damn.” Cecil, who was watching this through a security camera said to himself.



Gareth, Madrid, and Rowan sat in the clubroom the next day, the classroom being left exactly as it was, minus Nazoc.

“What do you think of this as a song title: ‘You’re Just Like Andrew Dobson’.”

“Nigga like shut up, I’m busy doing nothing.”

“Sheesh, muy caliente.” Gareth said.

“Well at least we still got drugs. Niggas, show me your stash.”

“Uhhhhh...” Rowan pulled out a Delta 8 cart.

“Delta 8? Lil homie, I got some shit that will get you fucked up for real.” Madrid pulled out some top shelf zaza and enough percocets to kill an elephant.

“We’re smokin’ filtered crack you stupid piece of shit.” Gareth busted out some crack laced with fentanyl.

“Oh my god, don’t smoke THAT nigga.”

“You’re making me want to.”

“We’re smokin’ runtz.”

“We smokin’ an opp pack today, I tell you what.” He said.

Madrid started rollin up and then sparked up the blunt. He was a pretty good blunt roller. He lit it and then passed it to Rowan. He took a hit off it then started hacking a lung up. He handed it to Gareth who slyly took a nice drag on it.

“Aw shit.” He got a nice headrush from smoking that pack. “We’re smokin’ them jordanian jibbies.”

“This shit ain’t nothin’ to me man. I’m high on 12 vicodin smokin’ on scooby doo dick.” Madrid said.

“Smokin’ fentanyl laced cereal milk, I see god.”

Hector sat at his gaming PC set up right on the other side of the broken wall. “They made the same joke, like three times already. I don’t think it’s funny anymore.”

“Those losers, Eminem is definitely real rap.” Carmine said.

Naomi came up to them, fuming. “Did I just hear you say you like Eminem?!”

Carmine started to sweat. “Uhhh, maybe, why?”

“This him?” Naomi held up a phone with Eminem on it, posing like the soyjak holding phone meme.

“Oh wait how was I gonna start this shit again? Oh okay, this one goes out to Gen Z. I WAS OKAY WITH LGBTP UNTIL YOU ADDED THE +, REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS PIPING A FEMBOY AND HIS BUSSY STARTED BLEEDING WITH PUS”

Carmine froze with shock. He went on his phone and started quietly deleting all his spotify playlists.

“So how is Nazoc?” Hector asked.

“It’s not good man.” Naomi said.



Nazoc was laying in a hospital bed with a sign above him reading “DYING OF WHITE BOY: DO NOT EAT”



Gareth, Madrid, and Rowan were at some local party with a bunch of other high schoolers. They had hella drugs in the function and were blasting loud music.

“Soulja boy up in this hoe, watch me crank it, watch me ro’!” Gareth said, cranking that Soulja Boy.

Madrid was trying to do it too, but he was moving so slow he messed up every move.

“Woooh! Kai cenat!” Rowan said, holding a red solo cup full of some bevvy.

After he finished up the dance, he laughed and sat down to sip some drank. Then some sparkledog lookin ahh (just a scene-decorated person) came over and started to get really close to him all of a sudden.

“Heyyyy, you had some sick moves out there! Weeewwwww!!!” This stranger said, in a singsongy clearly male voice. He wrapped right around his finger.

“Oh hey, you’re a guy.” Gareth looked right down at the obvious dick bulge.

“Heyyyyy I’m like, a traaannnsss girl.”

“That’s what I said, a guy.” Gareth said, smirking.

He laughed. “Oh my god, you’re like, so funny! Wanna make out?”

Gareth started to cup that ass, but then looked toward Madrid and Rowan. “Actually, I’m saving it for someone.”

“Not ready to be choosing huh?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I find your likely insecurities hot.”

“Aw shit, I think someone spiked the punch bowl.” Some nigga said.

Gareth began to laugh while shaking his head. “Nah man you tweakin-“

A pill bottle with arms and a face then burst into the room like Kool-aid Man.

“GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD MAN FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD, WHAT WHAT, WHAT WHAT”

“AH” Gareth said. “This is as good as- I mean this almost as bad as-“

“Damn it Gareth you already set up a cutaway, it’s my turn.” Madrid said. “This is almost as bad as the time we did ‘acid’ from a buddy that turned out to be an experimental research chemical.”



Gareth and Madrid stood among a bunch of dinosaurs that all looked like cereal box mascots in front of a school in a prehistoric-looking environment. “Holy crap dude, like I’m freaking out.”

“Wait what game is this again?” Madrid asked.

Some dolphin lookin ahh bih walked up next to them with AK, and proceeded to pump it as if it were a shotgun. “Goodbye Volcano High.” She then Goodbye Volcano High’d all over the place.



“Heh. Non-sequitur humor. Anyways,” He ran to the bathroom and it was occupied. “Fuck.” He then ran into the kitchen with tons of people, pulled a stepstool up to the sink, and started to vomit. Madrid came and stood posted up next to him.

“I did tell you to lay off.”

“EEUUHHEUUUGH” Gareth said.

“So besides that this party’s been lame as shit.” Madrid said.

“Heh.” Gareth stepped down and wiped vomit from his lips. “Don’t be such a downer my skibidi, we got lit.”

“Wow Gareth you’re fucked up.” Madrid said. “I’d drink more punch but I don’t need the carbs.”

“Worried about your belly again? You woman.” Gareth said, and began fucking geeking.

Madrid rolled his eyes.

“So if you’re bored how about we have a little band meeting? We got the gig coming up.” Gareth said.

“Well actually I was kinda meaning to tell you, we don’t really fit the band label you know, I don’t know if we’ll really be it, chief. You know what I mean? Like we don’t even have a bassist and you can barely play guitar. I mean we’re basically just a hip hop group but that’s mainly you.”

“Hey, I’m working on iiiiiiiiiiiit. And on the bassist thing, who could be our bassist? I don’t know anyone who plays bass. Phweh.” He made a waving motion with his hand, but accidentally knocked someone in the back of the head with said motion. Said person then fell forward with a bunch of others in a domino line which then reached a red-lookin ahh nigga, who wasn’t knocked over but held the rest up. Not without spilling his punch though.

“Hey!” The guy growled. “You made me spill my punch!” He looked at Gareth all angry-like.

“Hey... Can you play bass?”

“What?” He let all of them fall as he strode about, unassumingly making a circling motion around Gareth. “Well I CAN... but should I? I, Colton Welder, am a rhythm guitarist, of the band Deathcrunch.” He held up the guitar.

“You’d be perfect for our band nigga! You play the bass, you’re gay, and you play guitar too! You can play whatever you want nigga, like you got the guitar and errythang.” Gareth said.

“Gareeeeth, you’re tweakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.” Madrid said.

“No trust me Madrid!” Gareth said, Colton cocking his eyebrow.

“Well, IIIIII, uhh.” He thought for a moment. “I could, like, entertain that offer and shit bro. But before I ever even consider playing with you, you’ve got to show me you’re good shit, li’l boy.”

“Oho, I think you’ll be most pleased.” Gareth said.

“You also better have a fire band name.”

“Fuck.”


Nazoc banged on the door of the Student Council room. Soon, it opened, but eerily there was no one there to open it. Nazoc just looked pissed off. He walked up into the lavish room, only to realize, he didn’t recall ever actually being in here and was baffled by said lavishness.

Cecil spun around in the chair dramatically. “’Sup.”

“Ah! Shit.” Nazoc said. “Cecil.” He narrowed his eyes.

“Maya.”

“I wanted to tell you, there’s this new club in school, and I think you ought to know about it.”

“Yeah I know, you’re talking about the White Boy Summer club.” Cecil said.

“Yeah I’m assuming you know the problem.” Nazoc said.

“And what problem would that be?” He asked, having his hands folded on the desk.

“You mean besides the fact they’re like, chauvinist assholes with their music?” Nazoc said, speaking with contempt.

“Nazoc.” Makoto said, suddenly appearing.

“Makoto?” Nazoc asked.

“Nazoc.” He said, hands on his hips. “I know you’re not actually trying to get some other club canned.”

“What?!” Nazoc asked.

“Kobayashi’s right, Maya.” Cecil said. “You know what they say about glass houses.”

“You fucking fucks- My club isn’t the same as that flaming white boy asshole!”

“You of all people coming after any club is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, and I’ve seen some pretty dumb things. Your club has been on thin ice since day one. Where exactly do you think you stand?” Makoto asked.

“Kobayashi makes a good point, for once. Besides, the White Boy Summer Club is composed of straight A students, who as far as I know have been following the rules.” Cecil said with a shrug.

“And the misogynist— and racist antics, and their music?”

“Extracurriculars.” Cecil said, smiling.

“Are you sure they’re model students though? I mean I kind of suspect them of being high all the time.” Makoto said.

Cecil raised the hand to Makoto. “If you want why don’t you wager it on your upcoming performance.”

“Really? Goo-“

“Sign here.” Cecil randomly held out a piece of paper and a pen.

Nazoc paused and then signed. “Wait-“

Cecil then hovered his finger over a red button labeled ‘Push in case of profligates’. A trapdoor then proceeded to open beneath Nazoc and he fell through.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-“

“Feel free to keep the pen!” Cecil said, before closing the trapdoor.

“Was that really necessary?” Makoto asked.

“Is it really necessary for you to not wear pants? I know we’re in a diaper school but that doesn’t mean you have to have it out all the time.”

Makoto made a face like ‘really nigga’.



The four of them all got their instruments set up in the club room, Colton plugging in a bass. He started to test out chords, unconsciously treating it like a guitar for a minute, then stopping.

“Alright I gotta show y’all my shit here first. Give ya a little demo.” He said.

“Hold up, niggas, hold up.” Madrid said. “Why are we supposedly taking lessons from a guy who’s band sounds like a brand of cereal again?”

“Hey. Be nice.” Colton said.

“Chinga cabrona.”

Colton set the bass down and got in his face. “You want a fucking problem?”

“Hey! Guys, like, don’t fight! Like holy skibidi, Gareth what do you think about this?” Rowan asked.

“I dunno I kinda see both sides here.” Gareth said.

“Whatever, you will be humbled by my playing.” Colton said, and turned back towards the bass.

“Shit’s pretentious.” Madrid said under his breath as he sat behind his drums.

“By the way Gary, I’ve seen you ‘round at Byrgen. Heh, straight edge like you better have some good shit.” Colton said as he picked up the bass.

Gareth stood for the challenge, face all steely and shit.

Colton pulled out a pick and then proceeded to play a hella lick on the bass, causing Gareth and Rowan to go “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” He then played a bass solo of extreme skill, starting in the latter half to sound more like a breakdown, like in deathcore, not that I would know what that sounds like because I don’t listen to fuckin deathcore.

“Yeah, diddleydiddleydiddleydiddleydiddleydiddleydiddley-“ Colton finished up with the same note over and over.

“YEAHHHHHH!” The two people cheering somehow managed to sound like 30 people manifested as he played the last note.

“S’right bitches. What do you think about me now?” Colton asked, looking directly at Madrid.

“Well, you got some skill holmes, not gonna lie. That wasn’t my kind of music but I liked it kinda.” Madrid said, looking down all sheepish-like.

“Hmm. Soooo what kind of music DO you guys do?” Colton asked, leaning on the bass.

Gareth laughed nervously. “I think I can tell you about that. In fact I might as well even show you.”

“Well then lay it on me man.” Colton said.

“Alright, allow me to elucidate you.” Gareth said.

Cue a montage set to Blackout Drunk by Brad Sucks of Gareth showing and reciting lyrics to Colton and him facepalming at times, but then looking piqued at other times. Then they started to play a song for him, and he slowly joined in with his bass. Then they took a break to all smoke weed. Then in no time, he was rocking out with them.

“Hahah! I haven’t had this much fun doing music in a long time! You guys aren’t half-bad. I mean the lyrics are weird but what a SOUND!”

“Alright!” Gareth said, holding up his fist triumphantly.

“Uhhhh, about the ‘guy’ thing...” Madrid said, before being cut off.

“We gotta talk more about what song and shit we’ll lead with for the gig, but damn. I’m excited to play with you.” Colton said.

“Yeah, shit’ll be epic.” Gareth said, with Colton going ‘Yuh’ every few seconds.

“Also, I respect the gay shit.” He said, with a grin.

Gareth smirked and nodded.

“Low key though we should rehearse more before the gig. I want our performances to be perfect.” Madrid said.

“Chiiilll, we got time.” Colton said. “I respect your drumming by the way.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Yuh. So I’ll go make sure my schedule’s cleared and I’ll smell you fuckers later. Whoo!” Colton said, strolling out of the clubroom.

“Wow. He was really a guy.” Gareth said.

“Truly the guy of all time.” Madrid said.

“Deadass.”


Gareth, Madrid, Rowan, and Colton were waiting behind a stage at a concert venue.

“Mmm, it’s about that time huh guys? Anyone care for some drugs before the show?”

Madrid and Colton simultaneously said

“YEAH
“No! Stay sober!”

They then glanced at each other.

“Shit alright yeah, let’s stay sober. Fuck.” Gareth said.

“Well to be fair you’re obviously not completely sober.”

“Shit. Me too.” Madrid said.

They shrugged. Colton then looked outside the curtain and saw Nazoc’s band hanging out. “Huh?! Nazoc?!” Colton said. He then walked out. “HEY WHERE’S MY SIGNAL THE FIRING SQUAD CD MOTHERFUCKER-“

Madrid yanked him back. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Meanwhile, Nazoc and his band were freaking out and confused. “Fuck, Colton is with him????”

“The hell?”

“Why are they even here?” Jesse Cisnero asked.


“Damn it, I can’t concentrate with that fucker around.” Colton said, practically snarling.

“You don’t like his ass either huh? Damn.” Gareth said.

“Yeah, you wanna know why? Because I was in the band with him! And that little prick had the audacity to kick me out from the band, for being bad at the guitar! ME.” He growled and held his claws up.

They all paused and stared at him, Gareth smiling. “My nigga.”

“Uh-“ He paused. “Why do you not like him?”

“Oh. Uhhhhhhhhh. I mean I just think he and his club are pretty lame. That’s pretty much it.” Gareth said.

“Aye. And they’re player haters.” Madrid said.

“Well. Fair enough. Uhh. I know what I need. I need... drugs!” He then returned to his vicious demeanor. “Yes! Get the fucking drugs! That’s the only way I’m gonna not fuck this up.”

“Say less my nigga.” Gareth said. “Let’s get fucked up.”

Madrid sighed. “Fine, 100%, let’s get fucked up.”



A full audience watching, some femoid stepped on stage to announce the concert.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and people who don’t identify as ladies or gentlemen! Today we have our headliner ‘Boreal Eclipse’!”

Nazoc and his band held up their hands as the crowd cheered.

“But! Opening for them, we have...”

The female looked down at a cue card.

“...Our Bodys in the Water.”

The lights suddenly dimmed and a spotlight shone down upon Gareth, Madrid, Rowan, and Colton who stood wearing ridiculous outfits including space age-looking visors and flowing robes, as well as eccentrically done weird hair styles with hella bangs making them look like pretty boys in their massive diapers.

The audience was instantly captured, Nazoc particularly agasp.

Gareth stood at the microphone. “All ye men, and women,” He said, clearly all fucked up yet fully lucid and concentrating. “Here I’ll play you a new song from my concept album I’m working on, it’s called,” He sighed. “Water.”

Madrid raised his drumsticks and hit them together. “One two three!”

They began to play an absolute banger, Gareth having Colton play his rhythm guitar. They definitely had a noisy, garage rock-like sound, but there were some surprising harmonies between Gareth and Colton, a true showing of skill.

Gareth began to belt out lyrics.

“All my niggas do the yaoi
Cause yuri ain’t shit
Yuri ain’t shit
Yuri ain’t shit
Yuri ain’t shit”

He walked around onstage swinging his arm. Colton and Madrid began to join in with him and make harmonies, with Rowan playing some soft and sweet countermelodies. They showed a truly great performance.

Nazoc stood with his jaw dropped as the audience started busting out the lighters and swaying them with the rhythm. Madrid played some rocking drums, an inspired performance, as Gareth crooned some touching lyrics.

“I’m all with the G
but not the BL
Sometimes the T
The + can go to hell”

That whiteboy had soul. Everyone was floored. Insert live action footage of people crying.

They finished the song, bringing a tear to everyone in the room’s eye. Colton strummed one last time, and then Gareth closed with a “,thank you.”

The god Odin and Buddha and the ghost of Adolf Hitler were in the audience, looking on with approval.

Gareth walked over and embraced Madrid, them sharing a brief sober look with each other.

“Encore! Encore! Encore! Encore!”

The audience began to shout. Gareth nodded and stepped back up to the microphone.

“Alright. This next one is called My Dad Didn’t Buy Me a Car When I Turned 16 — He Sold Me One, and It Was a Lemon.”

They then began to play another absolute rocker. Everyone danced and clapped along and moved their bodies around a lot. It was like a fantasy.



The next day, Gareth was in the cafeteria at school with Madrid and Rowan. “I don’t understand why nobody’s talking about our performance yesterday.”

“Yeah, I haven’t even seen a xeet about it, I don’t think anyone posted on Youtube shorts or even tiktok. This is so sus.” Rowan said.

Makoto randomly appeared to them next to the table. “Actually I can shed some light on that, you guys were so zonked you thought you sounded a million billion times better than you actually did. I was in the audience.”



The band stood on stage in those outfits. Gareth strummed his guitar as he screamed into the microphone, not even words, just

“AHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!”

The other band members repeated with him in an unhinged, cacophonous manner as they started collapsing on the stage and zoning out.


“What the fuck? Why wouldn’t I remember that? I didn’t even take any drugs that would- ohhhhhh right, fentanyl.” Gareth said.

Rowan then raised his hand. “Um, I was there and didn’t take as many drugs. Gareth put his fentanyl laced crack in a super soaker and sprayed everyone afterward.”

“Rowan, define ‘everyone’.”

Rowan raised his hand as if to say something again, then stopped and said “Oh.”

“What the fuck? You drugged me with crack and fentanyl? Then why did I feel like I saw what I saw last night then went home and went to bed all normal like?”

“It was good shit obviously.” Gareth said. “Anyways couldn’t you ask the other members of your, like, student council and shit to let you look at the cameras?”

Cecil walked up to the table. “Haha, I wouldn’t release the footage to people without the clearance, Kobayashi, haha.”

“Somehow I think you were behind half of that ordeal.”

“Haha, you’re only half right.”

Kobayashi just looked tired at this point.

“Well that sucks. Thanks anyways federal government lookin’ ahh.” Gareth said.

“Yeah and I don’t remember coming up with literally any of what we performed including the band name.” Madrid said.

“I still don’t know why nobody’s even talking about it.” Gareth said.

“Yeah.” Madrid said, and they all just kind of stared into space.", "pools_count": 0, "title": "Chronicles of the White Boy Summer Club Pilot", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "text/rtf", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "2", "name": "Nudity", "description": "Nonsexual nudity exposing breasts or genitals (must not show arousal)", "rating_id": "1" }, { "content_tag_id": "3", "name": "Violence", "description": "Mild violence", "rating_id": "1" }, { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "0", "views": "93" }