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How does he get there? Everyone asks themselves that question, no one ever has a great answer. Merle just shows up. You don't know how you got Merle, but you don't know how to get rid of him either. You're also pretty sure he has his own house. He drives a corvette, he MUST have money. Sure, the corvette's faded and the paint's peeling, it's rusted, it's from the 80s, but it's still a corvette. Why doesn't he ever go home?\n\nMerle infiltrates through favors. You're drunk at a bar, too drunk to drive, and you're about to call a cab. You don't have to, though, because Merle's there. He says \"hey, you're that guy that works at the grocery store, right? The Dodgers over near Parkland avenue?\". It's Dodger grocery. Half the population calls it Dodgers, though, for no good reason. It just happens. Merle's one of them that calls it Dodgers. Anyway you're pretty sure you've seen this guy in there shopping. He loves to show up at 9:55 when you close at 10 with a list of things to get, and he always buys cigarettes. He always wants cigarettes you don't carry. He buys cigarettes you can normally only get at the tobacco stores, the cheapest cheap ones that are just obscure enough. You'd call them \"cowboy killers\" but not even cowboys smoke them. He's awfully close, too, asking \"y' need a ride home, man? I ain't doin' nothing\". You accept.\n\nTHAT'S how Merle gets in. He \"accidentally\" falls asleep on your sofa. He snacks while you're asleep. He makes himself breakfast. He uses your towel. He won't leave until he's told to, but you don't really wanna tell him to leave. He DID save you money on that cab, and he really didn't have to do that...and that's how you get stuck with Merle.\n\nWhen Merle isn't freeloading off someone else's home, he's heading to the beach. He's big on vacation weekends, sleeping on the beach, heading down to the boardwalk and pretending to be homeless doing weird things like making paper roses out of garbage or doing tarot readings, all for money and food. He can spend weeks, months down there, just living off the awkward interactions between the \"homeless\" and their voyeur, the tense donating just to get the situation past as quickly as possible. He makes most of his money that way, and he drives home to pay his bills and lounge around town for a while. Again, he HAS a home. Who knows what state's in, seeing as he's in everyone's house but his own, but he HAS a home. Why he's never there is a mystery.\n\nMerle also swears he was in the navy. He has all those nautical Sailor Jerry style tattoos and everything! Which he totally got overseas. Even though none of his war stories are ever really consistent. and some of them sound like the plot of movies you've seen before. You're pretty sure he just recited the plot of Black Hawk Down to you one night at a bar and swore it was something that happened to him. And no one can find any information about him in the soldier database. But he was in the navy, I guess.\n\nDespite it all, no one's ever really known him to be all that bad of a guy. Sure, he'll hit on women, he's too forward sometimes, he freeloads, he smokes, he drinks, he probably does some drugs every now and then, he sometimes steals, he probably has commited tax fraud (if he's even paid taxes in the past decade), but he's not like...a bad dude. Play your cards right, and you could be riding shotgun down to the beach with him, freeloading and panhandling, stopping on the way to see things like \"the world's largest rocking chair\", or \"the world's largest adult superstore\", where he'll gawk at things awkward then disappear to the bathroom to see if they have one of those weird bathroom vending machines with the colognes and condoms in it. Yaknow, just in case.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Merle Montgomery, chronic vacationer, last-minute shopper, and all around freeloader.

Merle's days are often spent laying about in someone else's house, eating their food, using their appliances, sleeping on their sofa. How does he get there? Everyone asks themselves that question, no one ever has a great answer. Merle just shows up. You don't know how you got Merle, but you don't know how to get rid of him either. You're also pretty sure he has his own house. He drives a corvette, he MUST have money. Sure, the corvette's faded and the paint's peeling, it's rusted, it's from the 80s, but it's still a corvette. Why doesn't he ever go home?

Merle infiltrates through favors. You're drunk at a bar, too drunk to drive, and you're about to call a cab. You don't have to, though, because Merle's there. He says "hey, you're that guy that works at the grocery store, right? The Dodgers over near Parkland avenue?". It's Dodger grocery. Half the population calls it Dodgers, though, for no good reason. It just happens. Merle's one of them that calls it Dodgers. Anyway you're pretty sure you've seen this guy in there shopping. He loves to show up at 9:55 when you close at 10 with a list of things to get, and he always buys cigarettes. He always wants cigarettes you don't carry. He buys cigarettes you can normally only get at the tobacco stores, the cheapest cheap ones that are just obscure enough. You'd call them "cowboy killers" but not even cowboys smoke them. He's awfully close, too, asking "y' need a ride home, man? I ain't doin' nothing". You accept.

THAT'S how Merle gets in. He "accidentally" falls asleep on your sofa. He snacks while you're asleep. He makes himself breakfast. He uses your towel. He won't leave until he's told to, but you don't really wanna tell him to leave. He DID save you money on that cab, and he really didn't have to do that...and that's how you get stuck with Merle.

When Merle isn't freeloading off someone else's home, he's heading to the beach. He's big on vacation weekends, sleeping on the beach, heading down to the boardwalk and pretending to be homeless doing weird things like making paper roses out of garbage or doing tarot readings, all for money and food. He can spend weeks, months down there, just living off the awkward interactions between the "homeless" and their voyeur, the tense donating just to get the situation past as quickly as possible. He makes most of his money that way, and he drives home to pay his bills and lounge around town for a while. Again, he HAS a home. Who knows what state's in, seeing as he's in everyone's house but his own, but he HAS a home. Why he's never there is a mystery.

Merle also swears he was in the navy. He has all those nautical Sailor Jerry style tattoos and everything! Which he totally got overseas. Even though none of his war stories are ever really consistent. and some of them sound like the plot of movies you've seen before. You're pretty sure he just recited the plot of Black Hawk Down to you one night at a bar and swore it was something that happened to him. And no one can find any information about him in the soldier database. But he was in the navy, I guess.

Despite it all, no one's ever really known him to be all that bad of a guy. Sure, he'll hit on women, he's too forward sometimes, he freeloads, he smokes, he drinks, he probably does some drugs every now and then, he sometimes steals, he probably has commited tax fraud (if he's even paid taxes in the past decade), but he's not like...a bad dude. Play your cards right, and you could be riding shotgun down to the beach with him, freeloading and panhandling, stopping on the way to see things like "the world's largest rocking chair", or "the world's largest adult superstore", where he'll gawk at things awkward then disappear to the bathroom to see if they have one of those weird bathroom vending machines with the colognes and condoms in it. Yaknow, just in case.", "writing": "", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "", "pools_count": 0, "title": "Merle reference", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "image/png", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "1", "type_name": "Picture/Pinup", "guest_block": "t", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "5", "views": "504" }