It had been several months after Laius had heard his wife, his strong resilient wife died on the job. All he was given from the force is a letter with a seal to confirm her demise but no reason, cause, investigation or sympathizes  were given. The employer gave him a stern look with a level of disappointment upon Laius and disregarded him in giving some of his wife's possessions. A turian had to have a role and be able to prove himself, even the lowest level had something behind them that made them useful. Laius wasn't. When he married his childhood friend and had kids someone had to be the caretaker. Laius was skilled at piloting and firing, enough for his wife to not be chosen for the academy when they were younger. But he wasted all that potential and opportunities when he and Alnia made a family. This upset his family a big deal to throw away his life, it made Alnia's family upset as well that he did that and stopped Alnia from getting a better profession. Something of which Laius tried to explain as an accident or mistake, to which was called similar back. The thing was that Alnia didn't want to be a esteemed pilot and soldier, she had dreamed to be a rough and badass merc. Laius supported her because she was so solid in her demeanor and that it was her dream. She climbed the ranks of being a hired gun, bodyguard and eventually a spec ops for escorting high priority targets. Even with her achievements her family were unrelenting in showing how disappointed they were with her, to which she personally told them to go fuck themselves. So when she disappeared, no body or trace. Everyone came down on Laius, pinning the blame of her failure and death upon him like he was some kind of mastermind. They completely cut ties and gave no shit about his children, no finance no contact, nothing. His parents didn't hesitate to show their lack of care when they heard of Alnia's passing. Saying that she should have been the mother while he could have made something with his life, that he failed her and his family because he didn't commit. They then praised his siblings to be greater and successful to which they also joined in to rub in what happened. "This is what you get for throwing your career away for no good reason." "Your brother is actually doing work while you are sitting around doing nothing." "Why you never bought someone to take care of your kids like everyone else does to try to make us proud is beyond us, you are a complete failure Laius. All of this is your fault now get the hell out of my face."

Laius felt so alone and each week he got worse and worse. He use to get up, feed his kids, walk Apius over to school and then work around the house to keep busy. But he's been withdrawing himself more, and more, and more. He was so grief stricken without any immediate help and support he was just stuck. He had to look after his kids but every time he wasn't mourning for his wife he was sleeping. Several times he was unable to leave the house to take Apius to the school shuttle stop. It hadn't help but he kept seeing his wife's face in the picture frames around the house and the discussions with both family sides crushing him from the inside. The only kind of support he got was condolences, flowers and one visit from his childhood friends. Crius, Fidius and Laverna. Crius was the ever reliable and caring friend but often swamped with work that he was busy to really chat. Fidius was the kind to joke, make inappropriate remarks without thinking but was very defensive of his friends. Laverna had strive to be serious, calculated but made every measure to show it. They were all incredibly busy with their own lives, but at least they cared about Laius. Other than that, Laius was alone in his grief. His joy, pleasure and enjoyment was nonexistent. He'd wake up sometimes, other times he wouldn't. He would cry often around the house lacking the energy to do anything. His kids were very worried of him but helpless in the situation. They themselves lost their mother and don't know how to process or cope when their Dad is lost. Apius was old enough to be emotionally receptive of his father and desperately tried to get any response from him. Watching his father degrade really made it's mark on him. Trouble with learning and unwillingness to socialize to the point that he was arranged to see a child psychologist who gave the mere diagnoses of going under stress and grief of losing his mother. Caetia was crying and upset for the first month of hearing her mother died. But she often asked when she would return, death to a child wasn't something to understand even with watching her brother play video games. Eventually it did reach her that her mum won't come back, she herself found it difficult learning of that. Sometimes the three of them would cry together in bed, just to get it out of their systems. But this unfortunately started something Laius wish it hadn't.

One night as the three of them were all in bed together watching a movie Laius started thinking about his children, inappropriate thoughts about wanting to diddle, fondle, taste. It came out of nowhere, the more he tried to fight against it the more he thought about it. He suddenly felt something he hasn't felt in so long. Frustration. After that one night the following week was hell, when he had privacy he'd check out porn on the interweb. He found it hard and unrewarding and frankly at times predictable. He's seen porn so much in his life that what he was seeing was like nothing. Interspecies, gangbang, rape play, bondage, hardcore, brutal hardcore, incest roleplay, real incest. It was at real incest that something clicked in Laius. He saw two turian brothers, one was just at acceptable age and the other being a few years older. Seeing those two together finally did something for him, but it was the size difference that got to them. The young brother was substantially smaller than his big brother that it made Laius think of him as being underage. As soon as he thought the young brother was not legal age, he ejaculated. He hadn't released himself in so long that it went over his console and keypad. He stood up in a panic to clean it all up and after he did he sat down in a mild shock. He finally ejaculated to feel good after so long feeling nothing but grief and despair. As he sat there his mind wondered to places, places he hadn't really thought about going. What if he saw illegal porn? He saw in his mind that younger turian being younger but now he wanted to see him even more younger. Like around 10 and lower. He stopped having a conscience about what he was viewing ages back after going through some brutal stuff so he wasn't thinking about what he was doing. He looked up and connected his console to a dark web of sorts, the kind were murder, drugs and nutcases would live. He found a file that required a bit of effort to unlock but the excitement of getting it open to see what he wanted was strong, too strong for him to stop himself and consider the consequences. When he downloaded and opened it up he viewed it all. It was porn that he hadn't seen before nor realised that he wanted to see. He ejaculated the fastest he has ever done. The video was of a young human boy with a Krogan and Salarian. All of which was nude except for the Salarian who was wearing lingerie. The Salarian was all over the boys junk like a bee to a flower, saliva was everywhere with him constantly pushing the boy's legs open every time he tried to close them. The Krogan stuck his member for the boy to stick in his mouth while forcing the kid to either look up at him or directly at the camera. The boy was hardly willing, his face looked uncomfortable and unable to do anything back as the two did all they wanted to him. The Krogan then fingered the boy's asshole with firm thrusts, the boys face scrunched up in pain or discomfort? Laius couldn't tell without any sound. The Salarian was deep kissing the boy's face with a degree of forcefulness, the boy tried to push him away but was unable to. He tried to push the Krogan's head away as he lent close while painfully fingering him. Some blood came from the boy's anus to which the Krogan wiped onto his finger and sucked on it. The rest was the Krogan fucking the boy with the Salarian unrelenting with kissing all over the boy's face.

It finally sunk into Laius what he was watching, his face full of excitement died down with an insane amount of dread. His chest went cold, his head fuzzy and panic set in. He deleted the files, the logs, everything of his unsavoury journey. When he finished cleaning up evidence he sat still and silent, tears started to form around his eyes.
"No... no no no no please no. Oh god no why?" He squeezed his head between his own hands, his mandibles low and he started to shake his head side to side. He got up and laid down on the bed to cover his vision from the pillow and sheets. He couldn't help but shake from the experience. He realised how wrong it was, how fucked up it was, that the child wasn't happy and how he should have stopped himself. He screamed into his pillow at how horrible it all was. What was the most horrible thing about it was that he liked it, and he sorely wished he didn't. He wept to himself thumping his pillows and called out for Alnia to beat some sense into him. This is who he is now, he didn't want to be this way, he kept thinking to himself. He couldn't begin to express how upset and ashamed he was of himself and became afraid at what others would think if they found out. He has never felt more alone now, before was but a taste.