I am sorry for the vent art, but I've needed these since I've been feeling more under pressure and depressed about my issue. Which btw has been better since being on slightly stronger meds to control myself. Nothing says "Under sexual control" than having a med/drug that basically acts as a chemical chastity. As long as it works.
I gave each picture a name/theme on the file but I don't expect people to save these like a yiff/porn pic.
The first one is called "Silencing the thoughts and voices of demons". Much like myself, Laius is often plagued with inappropriate desires and the overwhelming and conflicting feelings that come with them. Although the act is extreme, it has come across my mind a ton. The constant reminder of who and what I am, those I have and will disappoint, how uncomfortable and ashamed I am to be this way has often put my mind to suicidal thoughts. Although I could never hurt myself it makes me feel even more trapped. Laius's suicidal tendencies are often present and a part of his character too.
The second one is called "You'll never know peace". I've never been abused or molested, but I imagine the effects on Apius and how crippling it would be for him due to those I have met. It would be hard to truly find peace, nightmares and triggering that spawns more emotional harm. Apius would struggle to sleep knowing that his father would slip into his room for some fun, or having to sleep in his dad's bed after a 'session'. How would he find peace? Poor Apius, I'm sorry I do this to you.
The third picture is more... deep I suppose. "Ending the nightmare" which is self explanatory. But this picture comes from depressive modes when the hopelessness sets in to kick me down while I'm trying to get up. I'd want Apius to kill Laius, to be free, even if it hurts afterwards. It's the bittersweet ending I've thought over and over. Much like an older vent art I got with Laius trying to force Apius to kill him, this time Apius is so broken and fed up he gets the power to kill him. Laius would lie and let it happen. If I was a perpetrator, I would want them to kill me to set things right.
The last picture is based on an out of body experience vision. "Violent self loathing". There was a point in time that I really resented myself and I was either trying new meds or going through a particularly hard time. I laid in bed and in my sadness, boredom and hate I visioned myself lying in bed with me over them. I stabbed them over and over again, violently, viciously, vigorously. Other visions were decapitating my head, holding it by the hair and kept walking. Another where I intentionally split my neck open with a sharp metal object like a traffic sign. But the violent out of body experience was something else. It made me want to imitate it, fucking imagine another me as I pound my pillow and bed like I had a kitchen knife. Self loathing, depression and boredom is a nasty triple drug that gets people into trouble. So I got a picture of Laius doing the same to himself, the shaky angry text was a wonderful addition by Hades.
All of these pictures were done by the wonderful \r\n\t\t\t\t\t
| \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tTheHades\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
There will be porn in the future, for now there's only vent.