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But his friends went off and did other things, found other people, studied further, or got jobs. They had money. Owen didn't. They had confidence. Owen didn't.
So it was his childhood sweetheart Ben that lured him home. Maybe, he hoped, he'd find a better life with Ben's help. They'd both move away. Both move on.
But Ben didn't want to move. And then stuff happened between them that he doesn't like to think about.
Now he's living in a house with his parents, the ones who used to yell at him and hit him, and his little brother, the one who they make up for the way they treated Owen with by showing him all the love the older sibling never got. Their love for Andy is a constant reminder of how little they loved Owen. Sometimes he can't even blame them. He knows he's a fuck-up. Knows he's stupid. Knows he's worthless. Fucking useless. Idiot. He learnt that early and never forgot it.
People call Owen nice. But he doesn't think he is. How can he be nice when he's so full of hate? And he hates no one more than he hates himself.
His degree was useless for his small hometown. He applied for this job instead when he and Ben started dating. He was desperate to make money and desperate to move out. He could see the looks in their eyes when he showed up to the interview — moving up and down his body. Who knows why they hired him. They didn't even have a uniform in his size, and this one cuts into his skin.
It hurts a little. That feels nice, for some reason.
He puts on a big smile and rides out the looks customers give him. They're not thinking anything worse than what he already thinks about himself.
At least he has Ben to spend time with when he goes home at night.
And he clings to the dream that one day it'll just be the two of them. Far away from here. That sounds nice. It's a reason to keep going.
*
Trust me to draw a half-serious indulgent pic that was simply an excuse to put a shy Owen in something skimpy, and then decide I should undercut it with a deeply depressing context.
I can't help myself.
Join my Telegram channel: https://t.me/+1n1FzVenMSA1ZTE1",
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