# Writing Process

We want to work on our writing process, so that we can write faster and
enjoy the process more, and maybe come up with a strategy that we can
keep using in the future. We want to get to the point where we can write
a single draft and single revision and it's good. But we don't want to
keep doing what we are doing which involves outlining a shit ton until
we are bored as fuck and don't want to continue. We want to have
something we can publish as soon as possible. The whole purpose of this
story is to learn how to refine our writing process, right? So keep that
in mind as a critical goal and save notes like this one in a safe place:

1.  For this chapter, let's work on scenes one section at a time. We
    quickly outline what we want to happen next in the scene, what are
    we trying to describe? Then we describe those points tersely to the
    best of our ability and move on.
    1.  For example, during the scene here Pepper describes Brandon we
        write something like: \[We mention brandon is snoring\] \[We
        mention Brandon's sheath\]
2.  We don't get too caught up in this first draft, we just write what
    'feels' good to us at a time and wait until we go over it to make
    corrections.
3.  Stop focusing so much on time. Like "I'm going to do 30 minutes of
    writing!" just do pomos and take breaks when you feel like it. But
    encourage yourself to come back to it when you feel reluctant.
    **Focus on trying to enjoy the moment by moment process of
    clarifying the scenes and action. Remember, if you can get to the
    point where you are comfortable enough doing this between work
    instead of fucking around on Google News, you won't /need/ to be
    retired before you start publishing!**
4.  Gathering our outline before took a long long time. So I'm thinking
    for the next chapter, let's just write the entire fucking thing one
    scene at a time, without glancing at any of our earlier notes, and
    we can glance at those notes later. Maybe we can do this with Heyoke
    and TAOCAH too, just ignore notes until later when we can
    incorporate them. After all, even if we /do/ completely rework
    something we already wrote because it's better, it's still going to
    be good practice, like sketching.
5.  You seem to write /really/ well on Kratom in the middle of the
    night.
6.  **Upload these writing process notes to wiki**

# Brandon Asleep

Peppercorn tapped his foot nervously as he leaned back against the wall.
He stood there next to the office's door, like he was guarding it Paws
in his pockets, his eyes wandering across the nurse's office with muted
suspicion. Desk. Cot. Cabinets. First Aid Kit. Health Posters--some of
which were still dripping in cum. "Eat Food". That's what one of the
posters literally said. "Eat Food". What the fuck was that supposed to
mean?

The longer Pepper surveyed the office the faster he became convinced of
how utterly filthy this place was. The nurse's station was littered with
plates of half-eaten leftovers that appeared to double as paperweights.
Several intake forms and patient documents had been haphazardly
repurposed as stationary, with various notes and to-do lists scribbled
across their surface in a way that Pepper doubted was HIPAA-compliant.
The sink was cluttered with cups of half-finished coffee, a semi-circle
gradually overflowing onto the counter like some sort of contemporary
art installation. Espresso, Pepper correctly deduced. It was a fuel he
would eventually learn the nurse required at regular intervals.

His gaze returned once again to the fox cub splayed half-naked across
the tile floor. Brandon was still sleeping soundly, interrupted only by
the occasional half-hearted snore. The kit still had a goofy smile
plastered to his face--as if he had never known shame in his life. His
knotted erection had long-since receded, leaving just a sliver of pink
in the white fluff of his sheath. To think that such a small sheath
could hide such a monster...

"Cute, isn't he?"

Pepper's attention flickered to the other fox in the room. Vera was
crouching just a few feet away, lazily wiping away the last ropes of cum
that Brandon had spread across the floor. She had paused, rag in hand,
glancing down at the boy with growing adoration.

"I love watching them after they've finished. The younger ones always
look so relaxed and content. It's not uncommon for kits to feel drowsy
after they've finished, but to just pass out like that? The little guy
must have really been pent up..." She wrung the rag's contents over a
small trash can she had emptied out for the occasion. The ropey seed
splattered into the aluminum pan. The sound made Pepper cringe. "And the
balls on this kid..."

"That's not fair!" Pepper snapped. "Why should he take the blame for
something that you caused?"

Vera looked up, blinking. "What? No, I mean literally. The *balls* on
this kid. Lucky he's not any older or else I would have needed a mop and
bucket! The school nurse started cackling madly but Pepper wasn't
laughing."Haha...ha...ah..." she trailed off awkwardly. "...I can see
this is all a bit much for you."

"A bit much..." Pepper repeated vacantly.

"But as I said you have nothing to worry about, Brandon's going to be
just fine." She stood up and went to the sink to wash her paws,
absentmindedly tossing the used rag in with the other dishes. Pepper
sincerely hoped she wasn't planning on cleaning with it again. "He just
needs a little help, that's all. Some kids do..."

Pepper returned his gaze to the sleeping kit, swallowing hard. "...so I
take it you've had experience with this before...?"

"Some. Older boys mostly..." She walked up to a cum-covered poster with
a frown. "Well that's ruined..." she muttered as she began to unfasten
the tacks. "Do you drink coffee? There are some K-Cups in the cabinets,
the Keurig's already full is so help yourself--" The nurse glanced back
to discover Pepper had moved to the cub, picking the discarded towel off
the floor. He knelt down next to Brandon as he folded it in his paws,
very carefully lifting the kit's head before sliding it underneath.
Brandon squirmed a bit and murmured before adjusting to the makeshift
pillow. Pepper lingered there for a moment, his paw over the boy's
forehead. When he looked up he found Vera studying him intently.

"We need to talk," Pepper said.

"Yes," the nurse agreed. "...I suppose we do."

# Print Outs

Pepper sat with his arms crossed, silently watching Vera flip through a
book that looked like she had stolen it out of a museum. She stopped at
a particular page and pointed excitedly. "Ah, here we are: Precocious
Pubescent Priapism." She flipped it around for him.

Pepper looked skeptical. "The subtitle on the cover said: 'Official
Diagnostic Manual of the Republic.'

\*\*Maybe have him say: This was written when Dworku was still a part of
the republic?"

"Yes, what of it?"

"That means this book is pre-hegemony. Don't you think you might wanna
update your references? The field of medicine has probably advanced over
the past thirty years..."

"For foxes, this *is* up to date."

Pepper pulled the closer. "I'm surprised it's even in English..."

"That was always the language of commerce. Try to remember this city
used to be a global hub of culture."

"Sometimes I forget.." Pepper murmured as he began to scan the text.
After a few moments he frowned, reading out loud: "'...thus, in
semi-rare cases, the asymmetrical volume of nerve endings in the rapidly
developing bulbus glandis triggers spikes of oscillatory hyperactivity
in the base of the penis.'"

"Exactly. That's why Brandon is constantly aroused."

Pepper continued. "'...as a consequence of this misfiring is
self-sustaining stimulation loops, periodically resulting in climax
without reciprocal refractory periods.'--what is this crap?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly written for the layman..."

Pepper flipped the book shut and slid it back. "I was wrong, this isn't
English."

But Pepper did a double-take when he noticed the nurse pulling out a
pack of cigarettes from her purse. She lit one and took a long drag,
closing her eyes in gratification. When she opened then she was
immediately apologetic.

How incredibly inconsiderate of me, acting like you aren't even
there..." She held up the pack. "Did you want one...?"

Pepper stared at her. "Should you really be doing that? At a school I
mean?"

Vera shrugged as she took another hit.

It's disgusting, I know. I've been trying to quit for years now. I *was*
using a portable vaporizer for some time but now I can't seem to *find*
the bloody thing... I don't make a habit of it, I promise." But Pepper
noted the room's smoke alarm was conspicuously absent.

"Miss Andrews--"

"'Veronica', please." she corrected politely.

Pepper's frown deepened. "*Miss Andrews*, would it be possible for us to
skip the pleasantries and just jump directly to the part where you tell
me what the fuck is happening to my son?"

Vera just blew out another bloom of smoke, looking the man over
inquisitively. As if searching for something in particular. After a
little while she seemed to find it, smirking despite herself as she
repurposed her coffee mug into a makeshift ashtray.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she said. "It's just when we talked on the phone I wasn't
expecting a bear."

"No one ever does."

"You could have warned me you know. When you barged in here to pull
Brandon away I thought for a moment somebody was trying to kidnap the
poor kit."

"And you could have been more specific. When said Hazel had had
an"accident" I thought you meant he scraped his knee or something,
not..."

Vera nodded. "I would like to apologize for that. Brandon was sitting
right next to me and I was trying to spare him any additional
embarrassment." She paused and seemed to consider something. "You and
your wife must be quite adventurous, raising a male fox kit--such an
untypical dynamic for your species... What made you--"

"You never answered my question."

The vixen caught herself, flashing her trademark smile. "Of course...
Well as I said, Brandon appears to be entering puberty a little younger
than most kits his age. Health-wise there doesn't appear to be anything
wrong with him. Not physically at least."

"Nothing's wrong?" Pepper furrowed his brow. "What do you mean
'nothing'? You just said he had priapism, how is that 'nothing'?"

Vera leaned back and took another drag from her cigarette, tapping her
claws upon the desk. "Tell me, Mr. Kiddo, is Brandon incontinent?"

Pepper scoffed. "What?" But Vera merely gestured to the bag by the
bear's feet. Pepper leaned down and began to unite it, grimacing as some
of the fluids began to dribble down his fingers. He pulled the bag apart
just enough to see the diaper crumbled up beneath, sitting back up with
a troubled expression. He plucked some Kleenex off the desk and silently
wiped his paws clean.

"...they're supposed to be for bedtime." Pepper eventually explained.
"To keep the sheets clean. Lately Hazel has been having trouble
with...nocturnal emissions." Pepper hesitated. "...I didn't realize he
had been taking them with him to school."

"Wet dreams are common at this stage of development but spontaneous
ejaculations are more concerning. If Brandon felt the need to begin
wearing diapers to school then they must be a frequent source of
distress."

"Why do you keep calling him that?" Pepper asked with irritation. "Do
you have a problem with the name 'Hazel'?"

"He asked me to call him that. You didn't know he went by his middle
name at school?" She cocked her head curiously. "It seems your ward has
been keeping secrets from you, Mr. Kiddo. I think the question we to
need ask ourselves is why Brandon felt the need to hide his condition to
begin with..."

Pepper shifted in his seat. "Would you be comfortable bringing up
something like that in front of your parents?

"Actually when my son had his first wet dream he was so excited that he
ran into my room in the middle of the night and woke me up so he could
show me. That's fairly typical for foxes."

"Hazel isn't a typical fox."

"But he *is* a fox. And as his legal guardian, it is your responsibility
to guide him through this stage of his development regardless of how
uncomfortable it might make you feel personally. In my *professional*
opinion, Brandon's action can be explained by a lack of parental
involvement."

"'A lack of parental involvement?'" Pepper leaned in closer. "Are you
saying I'm a bad father?"

"I'm saying you may not fully appreciate the unique responsibilities
that come with raising a fox kit."

Pepper tsked and turned away. "Unbelievable..."

"How is he progressing in his sexual education?" Vera asked.

"You tell me. You're the educators."

"*I* am merely a grade school nurse. And this facility does not cater to
fox physiology. That would be the family's responsibility."

Pepper said nothing.

"You know Brandon mentioned something funny earlier. He told me he was
hurting because he had 'stiffies'. He looked humiliated like he was
about to cry."

"Maybe you shouldn't be humiliating him then! What did you expect? He's
a sensitive boy! It's not his fault he sometimes gets...*stiffies*."

Vera just looked at him like he was from Mars. "Sir, with all do
respect, your kit doesn't get 'stiffies' he gets *erections* and a boy
his age should know the correct terminology for his own body. I'm going
to go out on a limb and guess that 'stiffies' aren't a common topic of
conversation in your household?"

Pepper grimaced and put a paw to his face as if it might hide him from
this conniving vixen. And who the hell did she think she was? He's the
one who should be leading the interrogation, not her. Still...as much as
he hated to admit it he knew she had a point.

"Look, I'm not a complete idiot okay? I know all about foxes' unique
needs. It's just..." Pepper licked his lips. "...this has all happened
so fast, I never expected him to grow up this quickly. I mean, come on,
my parents never gave me 'The Talk' at that age. I keep meaning to get
him one of those 'What's happening to my body?' books but I haven't been
able to find a fox edition..." Pepper shrugged and added lamely: "I
don't think he knows how to masturbate yet."

For a moment Vera went quiet. Then she started to giggle. She quickly
put a paw to cover her mouth but by then the giggle had already turned
into a snigger and before long she was stifling a cackle.

"What? What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kiddo...", she said, trying to regain her composure.
"Um, how should I put this? Brandon knows how to masturbate."

"He...told you this?"

"He doesn't need to tell me. He's a healthy male kit, it's a known
fact!"

"But...he's only nine years old--"

"Yes, and he's been masturbating for nine years."

Pepper shook his head. "When he was little he used to always play with
himself but I put a stop to that--"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you 'put a stop to it?'"

"Because he was doing it all the time. Even in the grocery store. He
never took his paws out of his pants, it was embarrassing."

"For him or for you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You didn't stop anything you just taught him how to hide it. Trust me,
Mr. Kiddo, if Brandon wasn't capable of relieving himself you and a
doctor would have had this conversation a long time ago. Masturbation
isn't the problem. The problem is the knot."

"The knot?"

"Yes, the knot. Puberty will bring about many changes for Brandon. His
hormones will be over-active and so will his libido. He may experience
mood swings and develop issues with scent-marking." Pepper cringed
internally at that last thought. He had heard the horror stories... "And
finally--" the nurse continued, "--his sexual organs will develop. His
genitals will enlarge, his knot will retract fully from his sheath, and
you've seen he is now producing semen. Are you aware that foxes
typically ejaculate several times during intercourse?"

Pepper rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know all the porn stereotypes..."

"That's not a stereotype, Mr. Kiddo, it's biological fact. In our
species ejaculation is not the conclusion of the sex act. Foxes
frequently climax multiple times before attaining a *refractory orgasm*
and will continue to remain aroused until they achieve it. That's one
reason we have a reputation as chronic masturbators. We literally cannot
stop being horny until we cum. I take it you've noticed how often
Brandon needs to excuse himself to the bathroom?"

"Yeah... I used to think he had an overactive bladder or something. But
how did you--" Pepper fell silent and grimaced. "Oh. So that's what he's
doing..."

"When a male fox enters puberty they start to develop a knot. This polyp
of flesh at the base of the penis contains more nerve endings than any
other spot in the peripheral nervous system. Aside from locking the mate
in place, the knot also functions as an erogenous zone, and when
sufficiently stimulated, it leads to a deeper, more euphoric orgasm than
can be achieved otherwise. A knot-based orgasm is almost always
refractory and usually concludes mating."

The bear squirmed uncomfortably.

"Now keep in mind for an orgasm to occur a certain percent of nerve
endings within a fox's erogenous zones must be stimulated. However in
cases of early puberty such as Brandon's, the premature development of
the knot compared to the relatively small surface area of the still
undeveloped penis, tips this balance. Standard penile stimulation no
longer stimulates enough nerve endings to achieve refractory orgasm. And
since refractory orgasm is required to end arousal--"

"Okay. Okay. I get it." Pepper interrupted. And he did. Although
internally he cringed at the thought of having to explain this to his
son. "You're saying Hazel needs to learn to stimulate his knot when
he...erm...relieves himself."

Vera nodded with a polite smile. "No, actually."

"No?"

"No. The knot evolved specifically to incentivize mating over
masturbation. It cannot be self-stimulated. Somebody will have to help
him."

Peppercorn nearly fell out of his chair. "WHAT?!"

"Not forever, a couple of months maybe, a year at most."

"What do you mean 'help him'?!"

"I mean somebody will have to physically stimulate him to the point of
orgasm. It doesn't have to be you. But *somebody* will need to do it."

"What?! That doesn't--just-just hold on for a bloody second! That
doesn't make any goddammed sense! Why for fuck's sake would anybody
*else* need to be there?!"

"In foxes, the knot evolved as a reward to encourage sexual intercourse
over solo masturbation. It can't be self-stimulated, trust me, every
male fox on the planet has tried. It would be like trying to tickle
yourself."

Vera shot Peppercorn a look. "Surely this can't all be news to you? Our
sexual development isn't exactly a closely guarded secret. And it's not
like we have a reputation for modesty..."

"I know what you people do to your young, but I don't...that is I
thought..." The bear stammered. "Look that's not how I want to raise my
son!"

"Well regardless of your own preferences, Mr. Kiddo, that *is* how foxes
are raised. Typically at this point, I would expect to see Brandon
playing and experimenting with other kits his age."

"'Playing and experimenting'? You mean fucking!"

"I mean *age-appropriate* sexual exploration under the supervision of a
trusted adult."

The bear swore and turned away.

"It doesn't have to be with other kids." Vera continued. "There are
other professionals you can take him to. I know a man on the East Side,
he specializes in blooming youngsters--"

"Are you seriously proposing I take my son to a male prostitute?!"

The vixen rolled her eyes. "He's not a *prostitute*, he's a pediatric
sex professional. He holds a degree in child psychology. He's licensed
by the state. They all are..."

Vera frowned. "You can take him to see a female if that makes you more
comfortable."

"It doesn't!" the bear snapped. "That's not the problem!"

"Then what is the problem?"

"Apparently it's not something a fox would understand!"

"Try me."

"What about this are you not getting? Hazel is only nine years old! He's
a child! He's not ready to have sex!"

"And when will that be?"

"What?"

The nurse's ears twitched slightly. For a moment Pepper thought he saw a
flash of resentment. But only for a moment. "When will Brandon be ready
to have sex?"

Pepper looked at her like she was insane. "When he's an adult!"

"I'm just trying to understand your perspective Mr. Kiddo. Surely you
can't expect him to go from innocent child to competent adult on his
18th birthday, as if a switch were flipped. How exactly is Brandon
supposed to mature into a healthy sexually active adult zero prior
experience?"

"We all have lines Mr. Kiddo, lines we often don't know exist until
they've been crossed. And if those lines are going to be crossed they
should be crossed early and they should be crossed often, and they
should be crossed in a controlled environment where nobody gets hurt. If
Brandon's safety is what concerns you all the sessions are recorded and
reviewed by a third party to ensure--"

"Videotapes?!" Pepper was livid. "Absolutely not!"

Vera sighed. "Well when educating kits about their bodies some parents
opt for a more 'hands on' approach..."

"Incest?" Pepper's lips curled as if the word itself were bitter. "I'm
not molesting my son!"

"It wouldn't be illegal, not for foxes."

"Of course not, because your government doesn't believe in the age of
consent!"

"*Our* government recognizes there are biological differences between
the species."

Pepper tsked, muttering. "You people are all the same..."

The fox's ears twitched again. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're fucking barbarians!" he snarled at her. "Just stop for
a moment and listen to yourself! Christ, I can't believe we're even
having this conversation... I mean what hell are you even doing here?
Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to hire you?!"

"Because I'm a fox and my position as a school nurse gives me
unsupervised access to children?" Vera asked calmly.

"Exactly! There's a reason people don't want to leave their kids alone
around foxes!"

"Does that logic apply to Brandon as well?"

The bear fell silent, cold. His expression darkened as if the vixen had
just slapped him. Vera simply took another drag of her cigarette, but
Pepper could tell from her calm demeanor that she was furious.

She stubbed the rest of the cigarette into her coffee cup. "You know
Mr. Kiddo, despite what you may read in the tabloids, we are not in fact
all pedophiles."

Pepper growled. "My son's cum is dripping down the side of your shirt."

The nurse glanced down with an annoyed expression. She plucked a handful
of tissue off the desk and quickly began to wipe herself down. "You have
said something earlier..." she muttered. "Mr. Kiddo, what you saw was a
medical intervention, nothing more. Priapism is no laughing matter. Even
for foxes if left untreated it can be a life-threatening disorder. The
blood would clot. Then tissue death. And eventually, amputation..." She
lingered on that last word, making Pepper wince. "I had an ethical
obligation to give that boy an orgasm and if put in a similar situation
I'd do it again."

"Of course you would..." Pepper mocked. "Because you have nothing but
Hazel's best interests at heart, don't you?"

Vera glanced up. "Yes, Mr. Kiddo. Somebody has to."

Pepper stared back at her. For a moment he was bewildered and then his
eyes widened with rage. He stood up and threw his paws against the
table. "I'm not going to sit here and let you lecture me about parenting
after I just watched you molest my son!"

Vera glared back at him. "Would you keep your voice down?"

"Why? You don't want the rest of the staff to hear what you've done?!"

"Brandon is still sleeping and this little tantrum of yours is going to
wake him up."

"I want to wake him up!" Pepper roared. "I'm waking him up and taking
him out of here and we'll never set foot in this fucking school again!"
He pointed a clawed finger at her. "And neither will you once I've told
the press what you've done!"

Vera looked amused. "Is that a threat I detect, Mr. Kiddo?"

Pepper glared back defiantly.

Vera smirked. "Alright then, go ahead. Write the papers. Tell them that
I'm doing my job. And while you're at it maybe you can explain why the
child you have custody over is suffering from chronic pain."

"...what are you talking about?"

The nurse leaned back. "Nothing. I'm sure Child Protection Services will
be nothing but understanding once they learn about Brandon's condition.
Maybe they can even give you pointers on raising kits in a manner that
doesn't constitute actual child abuse. The fact that he's learned to
keep it a secret won't raise any red flags at all. And even if they did?
Well, your species has always been well respected in this city..."

Pepper stared back in disbelief. Then he chuckled and lowered his head.
He leaned forward, letting his jaws hang open, fangs visible, so close
Vera could feel his breath against her hair.

"Are you threatening me...?" he snarled viciously.

"I'm not trying to threaten you, I'm trying to save you. But if you want
my help you're going to have to sit down and shut up. So sit down and
shit up...please."

When he didn't move the gestured to the empty seat. "*Please*?"

The bear slid back slowly, claws leaving jagged impressions as he
dragged them across the wood. He kept his eyes locked on the vixen as he
sagged back into the chair. He was trembling with rage.

Vera seemed bored by the display. She stubbed out the last of the
cigarette and clasped her paws together, clearing her throat before
leaning forward.

"Going forward can you try and be just a little more patronizing? My
species isn't very good with subtlety..."

"Fuck you."

The nurse smiled. "See? That's better..." She was studying him again,
tapping her claws against the desk.

"You know you brought up an interesting point back there..." she said.
"You said that his school wasn't an appropriate place for someone like
me. Gave you considered it may not be appropriate for Brandon either?"

"Meaning what?" Pepper growled.

"You said yourself you never plan to step foot in this school again.
Perhaps you should consider some of the facilities on the East Side."

"A fox school." Pepper spat.

"A school better catered to Brandon's morphology. A place where he would
be more comfortable."

"This is a good school. It's well-reviewed." Pepper said dismissively.

"You were just threatening to leave..."

"It's close by. The location suits us."

"The other side of the river is hardly a commute--"

"We like Fair Oaks. Hazel's happy here."

Vera furrowed her brow. "What's so special about this place? Why are you
so intent on keeping him here?"

"Why do you and everyone else seem so hell-bent on making Hazel even
more different than he already does?!"

"But he is different..." Vera said, confused. "Keeping him here isn't
going to make him any less of a fox..."

Pepper said nothing.

"On the East Side he'd be able to socialize with members of his species.
He wouldn't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about himself or what's
happening to him. Hell, some of the younger kits run around recess
naked..."

The nurse studied Pepper's stone-faced expression, cocking her head
slightly.

"What exactly are you afraid of Mr. Kiddo? We're not like you. We don't
have your hangups, your diseases. We're not going to have our lives
ruined because as children someone touched our 'privates'."

Vera waited, frowning at the silence.

"I understand it is hardly ideal..." she began, voice gentler. "...but
we live in an imperfect world." She slid a paw across the table, gently
taking hold of his wrist. "I know the prospect might seem frightening
right now..."

Pepper ripped his paw away, recoiling from the physical contact. He
nearly screamed, his eyes wide with horror. "IF I WANTED HAZEL IN A FOX
SCHOOL I WOULD HAVE PUT HIM IN ONE!"

The pair fell silent as the boy on the floor began to stir. Brandon
whined for a moment, fidgeting and rolling over before finally settling
back to sleep. Pepper exhaled slowly, deflating in the chair. He had his
paws to his face. Vera thought he looked like he was on the verge of a
panic attack.

"There's got to be another way..." He kept repeating that. He slid his
paws down, studying his knees. The anger had fled from his eyes now,
leaving behind something alone and afraid. "I'm not changing schools..."
He spoke quietly. "...that's not an option. We both know what the East
Side is like, and I'm not just talking about the schools. The idea of
someone putting their paws on him, me or anyone else... No. I can't
stand it. It makes my skin crawl. There's got to be another way..."

Suddenly the bear glanced up, his ears peeking. "What about medicine?"
he asked excitedly. "There must be a pill or something, right? Some sort
of hormone blocker maybe? Or surgery! Isn't there some kind of operation
we can perform?"

The nurse stared at him in cold horror. "There's not a sane doctor on
his planet who's going to take a scalpel to your cub. What the fuck are
you even talking about? There's nothing wrong with him!"

"Listen to me, Mr. Kiddo: Brandon is fine. He's healthy. He's not sick.
Not yet at least... What he's experiencing is a *normal* variation in
vulpine development. Just like some people are left-pawed or
double-jointed, some developing kits just need a little help to get
relief. And let me be entirely clear, Mr. Kiddo: this is *not* optional.
Without a satisfactory refractory period of at least a few hours a day,
Brandon is going to incur permanent damage to his penis."

She let the words sink in, watching the bear lower his ears in shame.
"Where are his parents?" she demanded.

"...w-what?"

"Brandon's actual parents. Do you know them? Are they still alive?"

"...I *am* his parent." Pepper said stiffly.

"That's not--" Vera grimaced, catching herself. "...sometimes
cross-species adoptions can lead to uncomfortable social dynamics. I
thought perhaps if you knew how to get ahold of his birth father--"

"Yes, I do know! He's me! I was there! I *am* his father!"

Vera blinked. "What are you talking about? This kit isn't your real son.
I mean, he can't be..." she tittered at the absurdity of it. "You belong
to distinct taxonomic families. It's biologically impossible..." Her
voice trailed into doubtful silence. "...isn't it?"

Pepper feigned surprise. "Oh, you don't see the resemblance? Heh, I
guess that means the operation was a success... Jeez, how can I put
this? You see, for as long as I can remember, I've always been a bear
trapped in a fox's body..."

The nurse stared back at him with concern and growing unease. Pepper
smirked. "He's a fox and I'm a bear, of course he's not my fucking son."

Vera rolled her eyes. "Well you don't have to act like a dick about
it..."

"You're the one being a dick! Just because he's not my son doesn't mean
I'm not his father..." The bear shifted uncomfortably. "...he was my
wife's child."

"Your wife? Oh..." The vixen's lips curled into a grin. "So we're not
just barbarians after all..." There was a noticeable sharpness in her
tone. Pepper refused to look at her.

"Perhaps, Mr. Kiddo, you should consider allowing your wife to take
charge of this stage in her offspring's development. After all, the
concept seems to frighten and confuse you, and I would hate for your
interference to cause more harm than it already has!"

"No, it's not like that--" Pepper whispered quickly. "--she's dead and I
don't--"

As soon as Pepper said it out loud he knew he had made a mistake. He had
spoken softly but the words seemed to echo in the air. Pepper kept his
mouth open but the rest of the sentence didn't seem to come. After a few
moments, he turned to face the sleeping cub. "...she's dead," he
whispered again. And that was the end of it.

The nurse's expression softened gradually. "Oh..." she said with some
uncertainty. "I'm...very sorry to hear that."

"...it was a long time ago." Pepper said finally. He kept his eyes
locked on the kit, she couldn't see his face. "...Hazel's the one who
deserves your sympathy. It's been a lot harder on him than it has on
me." But Vera couldn't help but notice the man still wore his wedding
band.

"I lost my husband too..." Vera added after a few moments. "Not death,
divorce. Although I guess he could be dead for all we know. He just left
the house one day and never came back."

"...I'm sorry," Pepper whispered.

Vera gave a vague shrug. "Thanks..."

She turned to face the kit as well. "After he left I wasn't sure how I'd
manage raising two kits on my own. Foxes aren't like other cubs. They
have a reputation for being...rambunctious. Not at all like your boy. I
can see where he gets his mannerisms..."

The comment seemed to stir deep within the bear. He trembled, taking a
deep breath to force out the words as if otherwise he risked choking on
them. "He gets them from his mother. He looks just like her..."

Pepper turned to face Vera, his voice just above a whisper, speckled
eyes shimmering in the light.

"...I just want what's best for him."

"Yes." the nurse replied quietly. "I think I'm starting to see that."
Abruptly, she turned away, opening up her purse. She pulled out a pen
and a business card and began scribbling something on the back.

"You really ought to consult a professional about this. Not just for his
sake but yours as well. I doubt this will be anything other than a
stop-gap measure, but...here, take this." She offered him the card.

Pepper held the card in his paws, squinting down at the bold-lettered
font. "...'The Fox Hole'?" he asked skeptically.

"It's a sex shop. My daughter works there part-time. They sell some toys
I think Brandon might like."

"Toys?"

"*Toys*." she gave him a look. "It's on the East Side obviously. Some of
their products are specifically designed for temperamental kits." She
hesitated. "Listen, don't get your hopes up. There's a reason I didn't
mention this before. Any relief Brandon gets from these things will be
temporary. Eventually, his body will get used to them. They're meant to
be used in conjunction with one-on-one touch. They're supplements, not a
cure. But until *arrangements* can be made...they might help."

Pepper nodded and flipped the card over, inspecting the scribbled blue
ink on the back. "Those are some measurements I took of Brandon earlier.
Give them to the clerk and they'll make you a custom fit."

"What about the numbers here?"

"That's my personal cell."

Pepper glanced up.

"In case you need anything else."

"Thank you," Pepper said. And he meant it.

Vera smiled. "Don't mention it."

The pair lingered there for a few moments before Vera glanced away,
suddenly embarrassed. "Oh right, I nearly forgot..." She grabbed a slip
of paper from her cabinet and began to fill it out. "Brandon's teacher
and I have agreed that it would be best if he took some time off. Here's
a Doctor's Note."

Pepper's eyes bulged when he noticed the dates. "Two months?!"

"It should be ample time."

"But that's the entire rest of the school year!"

Vera shrugged. "Think of it as a vacation. An opportunity for you two to
relax and figure things out."

"This isn't a vacation it's a suspension!"

"It could have been an expulsion." The nurse's expression darkened. "He
wouldn't want me to tell you but you'll find out anyway soon enough. His
little 'accident' earlier today happened in full view of the other
children. Actually, a few got covered with it..."

"Oh, Jesus..."

"It wasn't his fault," she added sympathetically. "He pulled down his
pants because he didn't know what else to do. But my email inbox has
been a shitstorm all afternoon. And most of the other staff aren't as
open-minded as I am."

"There's a reason people don't want to leave their kids alone around
foxes..." she added sadly. She looked at Pepper, her voice becoming
grave. "Whatever you two decide to do, this can never happen again."

"I understand."

Vera nodded, standing up as she turned to the sleeping kit. "Well, you'd
better get going. The last thing I need is to have to clean up one of
your son's nocturnal emissions..."

Pepper knelt down beside the cub, gently scooping him up in a great bear
hug. He let Brandon's chin rest against his shoulder as he carefully
tightened the towel around the boy's waist.

The kit stirred. "...dad?"

"Shh. It's okay, you're just having a bad dream. Go back to bed." The
boy nodded sleepily, wrapping his arms around his father's neck. Pepper
turned to discover Vera was holding the door open for him.

"Good luck, Peppercorn," she said.

# Hallway

Out in the halls Pepper passed through groups of students and staff
alike, catching bits of gasps and giggles and confused murmurs as he
felt their gazes slide off him. Pepper held Brandon tight. He refused to
acknowledge them.

"Look over there, that cub's almost naked!"

"It's that fox boy everyone's talking about, the one who pulled out his
weiner at recess!"

"Who's the man carrying him?"

"Probably a police officer, gonna take him to jail for getting naked in
front of everyone..."

"But where are his parents...?"

When they got to the parking lot Pepper zipped Brandon into the back
seat and drove off as fast as he could. Every once in a while he would
steal a glance at the rear-view mirror. Brandon lay snoring against the
seatbelt, towel still wrapped around his waist. If he tried hard enough,
Pepper could almost believe Brandon was a few years younger and happier,
tuckered out after a long day at the beach...

When they arrived home Pepper carried the sleeping kit to his room,
pulling the towel off and slipping him beneath the covers. He folded the
towel as he sat at the foot of the bed, staring off at the rest of the
room like he didn't quite recognize it. It was clean, cleaner than a
child's room should be, but then Brandon was always like that.

Pepper glanced down and by chance noticed a stuffed teddy bear at his
feet. He picked it up and carefully wrapped it beneath the kit's arms
before smiling at the absurdity of his actions.

"I don't know why I did that. I know you don't sleep with Rupus
anymore..."

He picked the bear up again, inspecting it carefully. "I remember when I
first made this for you. You had spent months begging me for a Rupus
plush, but that asshole refused to merchandise his characters. You were
so excited when you came home one day to find him waiting for you. We
could spend hours just sitting in your room and playing make-believe
with him and your other toys. We must have spent hours just sitting on
the floor and playing make-believe with him and your other toys. Not my
*best* handiwork...but I suppose it worked."

Pepper scooted closer to the sleeping kit, gently rubbing the fox's ears
and eliciting soft murmurs from the boy. "You used to take Rupus with
you everywhere, do you remember that? I'd have to sneak him out of your
room in the middle of the night just to wash it. And his ears...remember
that? You were always chewing on his ears. I must have sewn them back on
a hundred times. And after a week or so you'd run up to me crying
because you ripped one off again, like clockwork..."

Pepper's smile faded. "...then one day he was gone."

Pepper put the plush back down. "It felt strange, holding you like that.
You're a lot heavier than I expected. Actually, I can't really remember
the last time I carried you. Funny how as a parent you don't even really
consider that. One day you put your child down and you never pick them
up again..."

Pepper lowered his head, the words threatening to choke him again. "I
know I should have taught you about your body. I didn't mean to make you
feel ashamed of yourself or that you needed to hide things from me." He
chuckled despite himself. "You know I'm not nearly as big a prude as you
must think. I always knew one day we'd have to have this talk. The truth
is...I think the real reason I put it off is because it meant having to
acknowledge that we'll never play with Rupus again..."

Pepper leaned in, whispering and licking his son on the forehead. "I
know that wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry. I'll do better from now on,
I promise."

Pepper stood and walked to the door, pausing one last time to gaze at
the sleeping kit before flicking the light switch and shutting it. As
soon as the door closed Brandon opened his eyes and sat up in bed. He
stared at the closed door through the darkness, then glanced down and
picked up the teddy bear. He held it curiously, gently plucking at its
mismatched ears.

# Office

Pepper spent the rest of the afternoon locked in his office downstairs,
browsing through medical websites. What wasn't blocked confirmed what
the nurse had said: Brandon was almost certainly suffering from
pediatric priapism. Sex toys might work temporarily but the only
long-term solution was induced orgasms through targeted therapeutic
massage.

Pepper winced and pulled the wallet out of his pocket, tossing it on the
desk. But he hesitated when he noticed the business cars hanging out of
it. He picked it up, his fingers lingering over the smudged black-blue
ink.

Pepper grimaced and threw the card back down, rising and stretching
lazily before heading into the kitchen. Shadows were beginning to creep
across the foyer. Outside the sun was disappearing beneath the trees.
Pepper pulled out the cutting board and grabbed some vegetables out of
the fridge. The very least he could do was make some dinner in case
Hazel woke up, and if not there'd some something for supper tomorrow.

Pepper set the knife in position but paused, distracted by what was out
the window. Across the lawn, he could see the wolf neighbors in their
house. The kids were watching TV with their dad in the living room. The
father got up to go get something from the kitchen. His wife was making
dinner there. He hugged her from behind as he came in, giving her a peck
on the cheek and saying something that made her laugh as they chatted
happily about their day.

Pepper tossed the knife back on the table and made himself a drink
instead. He sat back in his office, staring at the pile of half-finished
blueprints with disinterest. After a few minutes, he opened up his
filing cabinet and spread a binder across his desk. It was filled with
memorabilia. Letters. Receipts. Medical documents. Photos. Do many
photos... Pepper began to sort through them as he always, interrupted by
smiles and occasional sips of his drink. His wife, Vivian, leering back
at him from the other side of a camera. Vivian... In a forest. By a
beach. At a hotel. Vivian, grinning back at him from under an umbrella.
She liked to smile. But as Pepper sifted through the photographs the
smiles began to fade. You could almost trace a line through her life,
reach a hand out to feel the contours of their crumbling marriage.

She was still smiling in the last photo. The last one anyone would ever
take of her. Laying there in her hospital gown, paws on her belly, blown
up like a balloon. The night before Hazel was born. She was still so
full of life, like she might start moving again if only he dared to look
at her long enough...

At the bottom of the folder lay a faded red envelope. Its edges
crumbling and frayed with age. It had never been opened. "Peppercorn"
was written across the side. He picked it up too, working his paws
across the surface, smelling it, toying with idea that maybe, just
maybe, tonight was the night he would finally open it. But of course he
knew he wouldn't.

Instead, he closed the binder and put his paws to his face. The tears
came now as they always did. Old tears that he always tried to stop but
never could. So he just let the tears come, weeping silently in the
twilight dusk.