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Now all I have to do is incorporate your feedback and render it.\n\n...piece of cake, right?","description_bbcode_parsed":"Great, the chapter is now complete. Now all I have to do is incorporate your feedback and render it.

...piece of cake, right?","writing":"[t]Intro[/t]\n[url=https://inkbunny.net/s/2765823]Part 1[/url] - [b]Part 2[/b] - [url=https://inkbunny.net/s/2769357]Part 3[/url]\n\n[b]This is a work in progress posted to elicit early feedback. It will eventually be rendered with other scenes as Chapter 4 of Everybody Yiffs. If you are comfortable reading pre-release material please consider leaving some feedback in the form of a comment.[/b]\n\n[t]Previously on Everybody Yiffs...[/t]\nAfter Brandon's explosive nocturnal emission he now has to deal with the awkward aftermath of breakfast with his father. It seems they have quite a bit to discuss.\n\n[t]Brandon Breakfast[/t]\n*Cleaning up as best he can, Brandon takes a shower and gets dressed for the day. His nose wrinkles as he slinks down the stairs, the scent of cooking food is in the air. Brandon slows down as he approaches the foyer, he can hear someone mumbling something. He turns the corner to see his father, Pepper, scrambling eggs on the stove. He doesn't know Brandon is there and Brandon takes a few moments to just watch his father, internally he describes his feelings toward the bear to the audience. He likes Pepper, sometimes he feels like Pepper is his only friend, even if they don't always get along. He hasn't seen Pepper make breakfast in months. After the dream things are weird and this whole scene just feels incredibly surreal to him.*\n\n*Pepper turns to grab some spices and does a double take when he sees Brandon standing in the doorway.*\n\nPepper (overly cheerful): Oh good, I was just about to wake you up.\n\nPepper (con'd, pointing): Go ahead and grab yourself a seat, I'm just finishing up with the eggs.\n\n*Brandon vacantly glances at the dining table, already stuffed with plates of food. Pancakes, sausage, muffins, cresants, it looks like Pepper has cooked enough food to feed a little-league team.*\n\nBrandon: ...been up long?\n\nPepper (cheerful, matter of factly): Just the last four hours.\nPepper (contd, turning): Now, would you like apple juice or orange juice with your breakfast?\n\nBrandon (still vacant, still feels surreal, pleasantly surprised): ...apple juice.\n\n*Brandon sits at the table as his father comes over and sets him up, pouring juice in a glass, putting down a plate and eggs. He moves to put the napkin on Brandon's lap and Brandon puts his paws up but Pepper pauses for a split second when he notices the tent in Brandon's pants, not too long but just long enough to make it awkward. He puts the napkin on Brandon'd lap, careful not to touch the bulge.*\n\nBrandon (awkward, still confused): Thanks...\n\nBrandon (cont'd, looking around at the food as Pepper takes a seat opposite him): So...this is new.\n\nPepper (pouring himself coffee): Well I thought it would be nice for you to have something other than cereal for once.\n\nBrandon (glancing between stacks of pancakes): I'm sorry...are we celebrating something?\n\nPepper (subtly awkward, trying to stay cheerful): ...we are, actually. The start of summer vacation.\n\nBrandon (confused): ...that's not until June.\n\nPepper (subtly awkward): Erm, well in your case it started early.\n\nBrandon (expression immediately souring): I was suspended?\n\nPepper (trying to ease into it): Think of it as a vacation... A chance to spend some time together and figure things out...\n\n*But Brandon isn't taking it. His shame and disappointment are palpable. The kit huffs and looks away, staring out the window to the neighboring houses. It is afternoon, the other kids have already left for school. He is silent for a moment, stirring and licking his lips.*\n\nBrandon (sullen, hesitant, ears down): I, um, I wet the bed again last night...\n\nPepper (blinking at that): Oh... Um, well that's okay, Hazel... I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about that actually...\n\nPepper (putting the food down, uncomfortable, clearing throat, stern): You're too old to be wearing diapers now. I mean it's ridiculous, I should have never gotten them for you in the first place... You're nearly nine for crying out loud. From now on you can sleep naked. I'll wash your sheets in the morning. And whatever happens...happens.\n\n*Pepper takes a sip of his coffee and puts it down firmly, as if signaling an end to his speech. This was his attempt to 'lay down the law', but like most times he resorts to his deep bear voice, this is just a smokescreen for his own insecurities. He studies the kit's response intently.*\n\nBrandon (meekly, unresponsive, still staring off at the distance): ...okay.\n\n*Pepper frowns and takes anither sip of his coffee, there is something else he knows he needs to bring up.*\n\nPepper: You never told me you were wearing them to school.\n\nBrandon (shrug, ears down): I didn't think it mattered...\n\nPepper (stern): Of course it matters! If it's your health then it matters! You should have told me you were having 'accidents' during the day. You shouldn't be keeping secrets from me!\n\n*The boy remains dejected and Pepper suddenly feels very guilty about his habituary responses in situations like that. He takes a deep breath and tries to be a little more gentle.*\n\nPepper: What I mean is: You don't *need* to be keeping secrets from me. I'm never going to be angry with you fir being honest with me, Hazel.\n\n*Pepper watched the boy, eagerly awaiting a response.*\n\nPepper (meekly, still looking away): ...okay.\n\n*The bear does a bad job of masking his disappointment, exhaling and looking down at his eggs, stirring them a bit. They are growing cold.*\n\nPepper (less cheerful, once again trying to make friendly conversation): Your nurse told me you were going by 'Brandon' now.\n\n*The kit doesn't respond.*\n\nPepper: A lot of men go by their middle name...\nPepper (cont'd, after a beat): ...do you not like the name 'Hazel'?\nPepper (cont'd, after another beat with the kit doesn't respond): It was your mother's middle name, you know.\n\nBrandon (stirring, meek): It's a girl's name...\n\nPepper (a bit defensive): No it's not! Watership Down? The main character was named Hazel and he was a boy.\n\nBrandon: ...but he was a bunny...\n\nPepper (vaguely annoyed, stern): Well it's a fine name for a Fox, too!\n\nBrandon (meekly, still staring out the window): ...okay\n\n*Pepper looks down at his eggs for a moment and seems to give up on them, tossing the fork down and shoving the plate aside. It doesn't seem like either of them feels much like eating. Pepper takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, putting a paw to his muzzle and rubbing it.*\n\nPepper (trying to be gentle again): Listen, Hazel... I know things haven't been easy for you. They haven't been easy for me either. But we're going to figure this out, together. Okay?\n\nBrandon (stirring): They saw me. Everyone saw me.\nBrandon (cont'd, turning back to Pepper, dispair visible in his eyes): How am I ever supposed to face them again?\n\n*Pepper falls silent. He seems to be uncomfortable with the question. Internally he wonders what the hell he's supposed to say. What should he do, tell Brandon the truth? That he was bullied in school at Brandon's age and it only got worse? That he hated every second of it?*\n\nPepper (stern): You feel humiliated, that's understandable. But life is filled with humiliations and the sooner you learn that, the better. You can't always avoid it, but you can choose how to move forward from it.\n\nPepper (drinking his coffee, glancing away): Besides, puberty is a humiliating time. We all had to deal with something like this at your age...\n\nBrandon (curious): You went through something like this?\n\nPepper (hesitating): Not *exactly*. But I'm not a fox.\n\n*Brandon turns back to the window. He doesn't seem particularly impressed by Pepper's speech.*\n\nPepper (trying to continue): By next year most kids will have forgotten all about it. It will be something your friends and you will look back at laughing. And if not? Well...then they weren't really your friends to begin with, were they? You'll make new friends.\n\n*Brandon stirs. Internally he knows Pepper doesn't realize how lonely he is. Brandon isn't concerned about losing friends. He never had friends to begin with.*\n\nBrandon (hesitant): Dad...do you have many friends?\n\nPepper (surprised): Of course I do. ...why do you ask?\n\nBrandon (shrugging, glancing back): It's just you never talk about them. I never see them.\n\nPepper (caught a bit off guard): Well, I'm friends with my coworkers. We all already spend all day together anyway, by the time we get off we just want to go home and relax. You see, Hazel, you don't really *need* as many friends at my age...\n\n*The kit is still sulking and Pepper is running out of ideas. Shit, the kid is even making him depressed.*\n\nPepper (grinning, trying to be cheerful once more): Hey, your birthday is coming up soon. Have you thought at all about what you want?\n\nBrandon (stirring, whispering, still looking away): Dad...you don't like my birthday, do you?\n\nPepper (hurt, confused, still trying to smile): 'Course I do!\nPepper (cont'd, slight chuckle as if it's a joke): Why would you even say that...?\n\nBrandon (ears lowered, ashamed): No. You don't...\n\n*The words seem to stir something deep within the bear, who swallows and glances away, seemingly getting something in his eyes.*\n\nPepper (after a while): I, uh...I'm really feeling very hungry this morning... I need go to the office and let everyone know I'm taking some time off. After that I have some errands to run so I'll be back before dinner.\nPepper (cont'd, standing up): Don't worry about the mess. I'll clean it up when I get back.\n\n*The sulking kit doesn't respond. Pepper moves to the door but stops behind Brandon.*\n\nPepper (hesitating): It *will* get better, Hazel.\n\n*Brandon doesn't bother looking at him. For a moment Pepper has the deep desire to hug his son. He even starts to each a paw out but pulls back. Instead he just walks out the door, leaving the kit to brood alone.*\n\n[t]Author's Notes[/t]\nWhat an annoying scene to write. I actually went through several iterations on the dialogue and pacing, several cut interactions will probably show up later in the story.\n\nOne thing I struggled with was trying to figure out the mood of the interactions. This is our first time really seeing Pepper and Brandon alone. I wanted to hammer in the point that their relationship is relatively dysfunctional, Pepper doesn't know how to cheer up his son or how to show affection. At the same time Brandon internalizes a lot of bullshit that really isn't his fault.\n\nHowever, the pair *are* supposed to be really good for each other some times. Pepper loves Brandon and Brandon loves Pepper. And they can get along really well and make each other laugh, in fact they are really each other's best friends. You don't really get to see any of that in this chapter though. They just get to see Pepper kind of acting like an asshole because he's uncomfortable.\n\nAnother thing I wonder about is whether or not the audience understands the meaning of Brandon's final statement about Pepper not liking his birthday. Brandon's mother died during complications in child birth, so of course his birthday is also the anniversary of the death of Pepper's wife.\n\nHere are some questions you guys can answer for me:\n* What about this scene did you like?\n* What did you dislike?\n* Are any of these interactions tedious?\n* Does the dialogue feel natural and authentic?\n* Was it clear that Pepper's expansive breakfast and initial cheerfulness were a form of awkward overcompensation when he really has no idea how the fuck to handle this situation?\n* Was I successful in conveying that Pepper becomes stern and defensive when dealing with things that make him uncomfortable?\n* Did I convey that Pepper has difficulty with emotional intimacy?\n* How would you describe Pepper and Brandon's relationship based on this scene?\n* Does this scene seem to lend itself naturally to the other scenes in this chapter? How is the overall pacing?\n\n* [url=https://discord.gg/pq8TypFaZj]Fan Discord Server[/url]\n* [url=https://inkbunny.net/j/455073-DarkCollective-everybody-yiffs-future-direction]Rather Disjointed Notes for the Rest of the Story[/url]","writing_bbcode_parsed":"Intro
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

This is a work in progress posted to elicit early feedback. It will eventually be rendered with other scenes as Chapter 4 of Everybody Yiffs. If you are comfortable reading pre-release material please consider leaving some feedback in the form of a comment.

Previously on Everybody Yiffs...
After Brandon's explosive nocturnal emission he now has to deal with the awkward aftermath of breakfast with his father. It seems they have quite a bit to discuss.

Brandon Breakfast
*Cleaning up as best he can, Brandon takes a shower and gets dressed for the day. His nose wrinkles as he slinks down the stairs, the scent of cooking food is in the air. Brandon slows down as he approaches the foyer, he can hear someone mumbling something. He turns the corner to see his father, Pepper, scrambling eggs on the stove. He doesn't know Brandon is there and Brandon takes a few moments to just watch his father, internally he describes his feelings toward the bear to the audience. He likes Pepper, sometimes he feels like Pepper is his only friend, even if they don't always get along. He hasn't seen Pepper make breakfast in months. After the dream things are weird and this whole scene just feels incredibly surreal to him.*

*Pepper turns to grab some spices and does a double take when he sees Brandon standing in the doorway.*

Pepper (overly cheerful): Oh good, I was just about to wake you up.

Pepper (con'd, pointing): Go ahead and grab yourself a seat, I'm just finishing up with the eggs.

*Brandon vacantly glances at the dining table, already stuffed with plates of food. Pancakes, sausage, muffins, cresants, it looks like Pepper has cooked enough food to feed a little-league team.*

Brandon: ...been up long?

Pepper (cheerful, matter of factly): Just the last four hours.
Pepper (contd, turning): Now, would you like apple juice or orange juice with your breakfast?

Brandon (still vacant, still feels surreal, pleasantly surprised): ...apple juice.

*Brandon sits at the table as his father comes over and sets him up, pouring juice in a glass, putting down a plate and eggs. He moves to put the napkin on Brandon's lap and Brandon puts his paws up but Pepper pauses for a split second when he notices the tent in Brandon's pants, not too long but just long enough to make it awkward. He puts the napkin on Brandon'd lap, careful not to touch the bulge.*

Brandon (awkward, still confused): Thanks...

Brandon (cont'd, looking around at the food as Pepper takes a seat opposite him): So...this is new.

Pepper (pouring himself coffee): Well I thought it would be nice for you to have something other than cereal for once.

Brandon (glancing between stacks of pancakes): I'm sorry...are we celebrating something?

Pepper (subtly awkward, trying to stay cheerful): ...we are, actually. The start of summer vacation.

Brandon (confused): ...that's not until June.

Pepper (subtly awkward): Erm, well in your case it started early.

Brandon (expression immediately souring): I was suspended?

Pepper (trying to ease into it): Think of it as a vacation... A chance to spend some time together and figure things out...

*But Brandon isn't taking it. His shame and disappointment are palpable. The kit huffs and looks away, staring out the window to the neighboring houses. It is afternoon, the other kids have already left for school. He is silent for a moment, stirring and licking his lips.*

Brandon (sullen, hesitant, ears down): I, um, I wet the bed again last night...

Pepper (blinking at that): Oh... Um, well that's okay, Hazel... I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about that actually...

Pepper (putting the food down, uncomfortable, clearing throat, stern): You're too old to be wearing diapers now. I mean it's ridiculous, I should have never gotten them for you in the first place... You're nearly nine for crying out loud. From now on you can sleep naked. I'll wash your sheets in the morning. And whatever happens...happens.

*Pepper takes a sip of his coffee and puts it down firmly, as if signaling an end to his speech. This was his attempt to 'lay down the law', but like most times he resorts to his deep bear voice, this is just a smokescreen for his own insecurities. He studies the kit's response intently.*

Brandon (meekly, unresponsive, still staring off at the distance): ...okay.

*Pepper frowns and takes anither sip of his coffee, there is something else he knows he needs to bring up.*

Pepper: You never told me you were wearing them to school.

Brandon (shrug, ears down): I didn't think it mattered...

Pepper (stern): Of course it matters! If it's your health then it matters! You should have told me you were having 'accidents' during the day. You shouldn't be keeping secrets from me!

*The boy remains dejected and Pepper suddenly feels very guilty about his habituary responses in situations like that. He takes a deep breath and tries to be a little more gentle.*

Pepper: What I mean is: You don't *need* to be keeping secrets from me. I'm never going to be angry with you fir being honest with me, Hazel.

*Pepper watched the boy, eagerly awaiting a response.*

Pepper (meekly, still looking away): ...okay.

*The bear does a bad job of masking his disappointment, exhaling and looking down at his eggs, stirring them a bit. They are growing cold.*

Pepper (less cheerful, once again trying to make friendly conversation): Your nurse told me you were going by 'Brandon' now.

*The kit doesn't respond.*

Pepper: A lot of men go by their middle name...
Pepper (cont'd, after a beat): ...do you not like the name 'Hazel'?
Pepper (cont'd, after another beat with the kit doesn't respond): It was your mother's middle name, you know.

Brandon (stirring, meek): It's a girl's name...

Pepper (a bit defensive): No it's not! Watership Down? The main character was named Hazel and he was a boy.

Brandon: ...but he was a bunny...

Pepper (vaguely annoyed, stern): Well it's a fine name for a Fox, too!

Brandon (meekly, still staring out the window): ...okay

*Pepper looks down at his eggs for a moment and seems to give up on them, tossing the fork down and shoving the plate aside. It doesn't seem like either of them feels much like eating. Pepper takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, putting a paw to his muzzle and rubbing it.*

Pepper (trying to be gentle again): Listen, Hazel... I know things haven't been easy for you. They haven't been easy for me either. But we're going to figure this out, together. Okay?

Brandon (stirring): They saw me. Everyone saw me.
Brandon (cont'd, turning back to Pepper, dispair visible in his eyes): How am I ever supposed to face them again?

*Pepper falls silent. He seems to be uncomfortable with the question. Internally he wonders what the hell he's supposed to say. What should he do, tell Brandon the truth? That he was bullied in school at Brandon's age and it only got worse? That he hated every second of it?*

Pepper (stern): You feel humiliated, that's understandable. But life is filled with humiliations and the sooner you learn that, the better. You can't always avoid it, but you can choose how to move forward from it.

Pepper (drinking his coffee, glancing away): Besides, puberty is a humiliating time. We all had to deal with something like this at your age...

Brandon (curious): You went through something like this?

Pepper (hesitating): Not *exactly*. But I'm not a fox.

*Brandon turns back to the window. He doesn't seem particularly impressed by Pepper's speech.*

Pepper (trying to continue): By next year most kids will have forgotten all about it. It will be something your friends and you will look back at laughing. And if not? Well...then they weren't really your friends to begin with, were they? You'll make new friends.

*Brandon stirs. Internally he knows Pepper doesn't realize how lonely he is. Brandon isn't concerned about losing friends. He never had friends to begin with.*

Brandon (hesitant): Dad...do you have many friends?

Pepper (surprised): Of course I do. ...why do you ask?

Brandon (shrugging, glancing back): It's just you never talk about them. I never see them.

Pepper (caught a bit off guard): Well, I'm friends with my coworkers. We all already spend all day together anyway, by the time we get off we just want to go home and relax. You see, Hazel, you don't really *need* as many friends at my age...

*The kit is still sulking and Pepper is running out of ideas. Shit, the kid is even making him depressed.*

Pepper (grinning, trying to be cheerful once more): Hey, your birthday is coming up soon. Have you thought at all about what you want?

Brandon (stirring, whispering, still looking away): Dad...you don't like my birthday, do you?

Pepper (hurt, confused, still trying to smile): 'Course I do!
Pepper (cont'd, slight chuckle as if it's a joke): Why would you even say that...?

Brandon (ears lowered, ashamed): No. You don't...

*The words seem to stir something deep within the bear, who swallows and glances away, seemingly getting something in his eyes.*

Pepper (after a while): I, uh...I'm really feeling  very hungry this morning... I need go to the office and let everyone know I'm taking some time off. After that I have some errands to run so I'll be back before dinner.
Pepper (cont'd, standing up): Don't worry about the mess. I'll clean it up when I get back.

*The sulking kit doesn't respond. Pepper moves to the door but stops behind Brandon.*

Pepper (hesitating): It *will* get better, Hazel.

*Brandon doesn't bother looking at him. For a moment Pepper has the deep desire to hug his son. He even starts to each a paw out but pulls back. Instead he just walks out the door, leaving the kit to brood alone.*

Author's Notes
What an annoying scene to write. I actually went through several iterations on the dialogue and pacing, several cut interactions will probably show up later in the story.

One thing I struggled with was trying to figure out the mood of the interactions. This is our first time really seeing Pepper and Brandon alone. I wanted to hammer in the point that their relationship is relatively dysfunctional, Pepper doesn't know how to cheer up his son or how to show affection. At the same time Brandon internalizes a lot of bullshit that really isn't his fault.

However, the pair *are* supposed to be really good for each other some times. Pepper loves Brandon and Brandon loves Pepper. And they can get along really well and make each other laugh, in fact they are really each other's best friends. You don't really get to see any of that in this chapter though. They just get to see Pepper kind of acting like an asshole because he's uncomfortable.

Another thing I wonder about is whether or not the audience understands the meaning of Brandon's final statement about Pepper not liking his birthday. Brandon's mother died during complications in child birth, so of course his birthday is also the anniversary of the death of Pepper's wife.

Here are some questions you guys can answer for me:
* What about this scene did you like?
* What did you dislike?
* Are any of these interactions tedious?
* Does the dialogue feel natural and authentic?
* Was it clear that Pepper's expansive breakfast and initial cheerfulness were a form of awkward overcompensation when he really has no idea how the fuck to handle this situation?
* Was I successful in conveying that Pepper becomes stern and defensive when dealing with things that make him uncomfortable?
* Did I convey that Pepper has difficulty with emotional intimacy?
* How would you describe Pepper and Brandon's relationship based on this scene?
* Does this scene seem to lend itself naturally to the other scenes in this chapter? How is the overall pacing?

* Fan Discord Server
* Rather Disjointed Notes for the Rest of the Story","pools_count":2,"title":"Study: Brandon & Pepper Breakfast","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"image/jpeg","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"2","rating_name":"Adult","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"4","name":"Sexual Themes","description":"Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal","rating_id":"2"}],"submission_type_id":"12","type_name":"Writing - Document","guest_block":"f","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"5","views":"657"}