My First Death The five of us were ushered into the room. There was a chair with manacles near one wall; a storage shelf with some odds and ends; a trolley with a black bag on it; and three grey gas cylinders with black tops with N2 written on the side. Couple doors, one of them a double door wide enough for the trolley. The four other cubs had already formed a line along one of the free walls, so I moved my little naked mouse butt to finish the line. Next to me the fox boy shuffled in place a bit nervously. Further along was a white rabbit girl, an orange fox girl, and finally a green lizard cub – I couldn't tell what gender with that weird slit they have. All of us waited, naked and bit nervous. It was our first day here. We'd been picked up from the slave ranch we had grown up in for the past 8 years and weren't sure yet what our fate would be, what sort of slaves we would be trained to become. The door we'd been ushered in through closed. A moment later a wolf and a lioness came in through the double doors. He was a doctor I guess, clad in long white coat and she was a nurse with simpler white tunic. The doctor looked us up and down along the line carefully. Satisfied, he started to speak: “Welcome little cubs. You are now from this moment on snuff slaves. That means your only purpose in life is to die when told to.” I swallowed hard as I listened to him. There we gasps from the other cubs and several shifted in the line uneasily. “Understand this. Discipline will be much more strict here at snuff school. Do not try to fight, you will only get hurt.” The doctor held a pause to give the cubs time to take in his instruction. He walked over to the chair before continuing, “Now death itself is nothing to be afraid of. It's just like going to sleep. So to demonstrate, all of you will die now.” He pointed at the rabbit girl at random, “you're first. Sit here.” The rabbit looked left and right at us in the line before nervously stepping up to the chair. The nurse moved one of the gas cylinders next to the chair. A mask with hose was attached to it which the nurse then handed to the doctor as the girl sat on the chair. The doctor explained as he put on the mask on the rabbit girl. “I will put this gas mask on you and then pump gas into it. It is not poison, but there is no oxygen so your body can't live and you will die.” The rabbit shivered and breathed rapidly with the doctor's explanation. The doctor looked at the rabbit, but since she didn't fight he left the chair's manacles unshackled. He pulled the valve open and a hiss filled the room. “Just breathe normally. It's going to be all right.” The girl looked up at the doctor and then to each of us fearfully. She breathed shallow and rapid. But then after a few moments her breaths started to become more normal. She looked up at the doctor again with a bit of puzzlement in her face but the doctor didn't react in any way. The hiss continued as the rabbit girl sat on the chair in the mask. Then after a minute or so, she started to look a bit sleepy. Her eyelids drooped down and her head nodded a bit. She blinked several times. Her breathing had become slow and steady now. Then her head nodded again, and again. She looked like she was about to fall asleep, and right then her eyes rolled up and she slumped down in the chair. All of us watched transfixed as her chest slowly rose and fell for a while yet. But then she was just still, her chest no longer drawing breath. The doctor pulled the gas valve closed and then put on his stethoscope and listened at the rabbit cub's chest. He nodded at the nurse and then started to lift the rabbit out of the chair. He laid her in the black bag on the trolley. As he zipped the bag up he told the nurse to take the girl's corpse to the morgue. The nurse nodded and wheeled the body bag out of the room. With the door slamming the spell broke. I shuddered as I realized that this was real. This would be it, my life was going to end now and I would die for no reason. I didn't have long to think though as the doctor pointed at the next fur. “Ok, fox boy, you're next.” The fox next to me grabbed my shoulders and hid behind me. “No! Please! I don't want to die!” The doctor raised his voice sternly, “In the chair. Now!” The boy still cowered behind me, shaking. The doctor stepped closer and at that moment I wished to be anywhere else than here between the wolf and the fox. He forcefully pushed me aside and grabbed the fox boy's wrist with his large paw. I almost tripped as I stumbled. The doctor started dragging the boy to the chair. The fox tried to fight it but to no avail and then started sobbing. He tried to plead when the doctor pressed him down on the execution chair. This time the manacles were closed around the cub's limbs with a very solid click. The fox looked up with tear filled eyes. “P-please don't kill me.” The doctor didn't respond, merely continued preparing the fox's execution. Only speaking when the fox vigorously shook his head from side to side as he tried to fit the mask on him. “Stop it! If you continue to fight I will have to hurt you before I kill you. You don't want that, do you?” “N-no...” Sobbed the cub. Then he stopped and thought for a moment what he was saying 'no' to, but that moment's confusion was long enough for the wolf to finally slip the mask on. The cub tried to shake it off again, but it was no use, the straps firmly held it over his muzzle. The doctor yanked the valve on the cylinder open with some force and generous hiss filled the room. The little cub's eyes got wide and he started sobbing “no” continuously. After a minute, though, his vocal sobs tapered off. Whether he was accepting what was happening or whether it was the gas I couldn't tell. He closed his eyes and hung his head, slowly and minutely shaking it side to side. I stared at him, again having been transfixed by the spectacle. Soon he started nodding just like the bunny girl. And then his shoulders fell and his body slumped. And his chest rose no more. The same ritual as with the bunny started. The doctor listened to his heart, while the nurse prepared the body bag. I had been so engrossed with the fox boy's execution that I hadn't even noticed her returning with a new empty cart. The boy landed on the cart with a thud as the doctor, less than carefully, heaved his corpse on it. He looked at the nurse with a stern face and told her to take the boy's body to the crematorium. The nurse seemed taken aback, but nodded and started to wheel him out of the room again. The doctor pointed again. “Ok lizard, you're next.” I turned to look at the lizard –oh– boy. A little red penis was jutting out from his green slit. I almost laughed at the bizarreness of the sight. Here he was, about to be executed! And he had gotten hard! He nodded hurriedly couple times and then stepped forward towards the chair. Without any further prompting he sat on it and placed his hands on the handrests. The doctor started to close the manacles, but the lizard boy interrupted him with a shaky voice. “Sorry, um... uh...” The doctor looked at him still sullen from the previous boy's antics. “Yes?” “I, uh... Could you please leave the manacles open?” He looked at the doctor as innocently as he could. The doctor looked the lizard boy over, giving more than once a glance at the boy's peeking penis. Eventually he opened the manacle he'd already closed. “All right. But don't try anything or you'll wish I hadn't.” The lizard swallowed and nodded. I considered the exchange with a curious puzzlement. Since he didn't need to adjust anything further on the chair, the doctor moved directly to placing the mask on the lizard. The lizard stayed gingerly still while the straps were slipped over his head and mask was in place. Then the valve was pulled open and the hiss again filled the room. For a few moments nothing much happened, but then the lizard slowly started edging his arms off the handrests towards his lap. I was expecting the doctor to step in, but then most curious thing happened. The lizard boy started to gently stroke his penis! I could scarcely believe my eyes! Here he was being killed and he was stroking himself off! I pulled my eyes away and looked at the doctor, expecting him to be angry, but he was actually smiling as he watched the lizard boy. I didn't even know what to think. A minute went by then another and the lizard started nodding off like the cubs before him. But he started to just stroke himself more vigorously. But then he stopped suddenly and his whole body tensed. A glistening wet bead appeared at the tip of his member and he actually smiled as his body started to relax. He became completely limp in the chair and slumped over. Soon his chest stilled just the same as the cubs before him. I looked, but didn't see, as the doctor prepared the lizard's corpse for the trolley. I was deep in thought and confusion. The lizard had actually gotten off to his own death?! “Your turn mouse boy.” “Mouse boy!” I suddenly jolted out of my haze and realized that the doctor was talking to me. I swallowed hard. I wanted more than anything to stand still and stay where I was, but somehow my feet had started walking me to the chair. I stop and stood in front of it. Looking at it. It was metal with minimal padding. The manacles sparkled in the harsh lighting of the room. “Go on, sit down.” Again I simply did what I was told without any volition of my own. I just looked ahead and waited. A few second later something translucent was next to my face. It was the mask. I shied away from it the tiniest of bits, but then I felt simply frozen. I felt the straps slip behind my head, I felt it press down against my face. I wanted to look at the doctor, but I also didn't want to look. I turned my head just a tiny bit, but turned back looking ahead before I saw anything. Then the hiss started. Suddenly I became very aware of my breathing. I was breathing rapid, ragged and shallow. My heart was racing like there was no tomorrow. There was no tomorrow. I would die now. There was a cool breeze and the mask had stale container smell, but otherwise it felt ordinary. A moment passed. Nothing. I noticed how tense I had become and tried to relax a bit. I tried to smell the deadly gas that was being pumped in. I tried to feel the deadly gas that was going to snuff me out. I felt nothing. I was breathing just air. Was I? Maybe the thing had broken. I relaxed a bit more and breathed more normally. Another moment passed. I felt just fine. In fact I felt pretty good. Maybe I wasn't going to die after all. This is just air. I took a deep breath, then another, trying to notice anything off about it. I just felt even better now. In fact, I felt almost giddy about this. It would be all right. It would be all right. I felt my tension ease off. A relaxing feeling spread over me as my muscles and stomach's knots untied. Compared to the tension and fear I felt serene, almost drowsy... Yeah, I felt good now. Drowsy? Felt good. Drowsy? Wait... I picked my head up. Nodded off for a bit there. Oh no... But this doesn't feel... bad... But I felt my head jerking as I wake back up from another nod. I could almost laugh. I would die after all. How about that? But if it feels this nice I jerked awake again. Where was I? Oh. Feels this nice, maybe it's not so bad after all. After all... we all die I became vaguely aware that there is something around. Soft. I'm... lying? This is what being dead feels like? My mind felt fuzzy. A strange smell. Smell? But I'm dead, aren't I? There was a noise nearby. Noise? I started to become more aware of myself. I moved a bit. Move? But... A crack of light appeared in my vision. I am dead then. This is the light everyone is talking about. The brightness washed over me as I opened my eyes and suddenly the world focused in my eyes. I was looking at ugly tiles. I blinked several times and then turned my head a little. I was lying on a bed. In some sort of hospital room. The air smelled of antiseptic. Suddenly a large form stepped up next to my bed. “Hello little cub. How are you feeling?” I knew that...? It was the wolf doctor! My strength was starting to return and I turned to look at him. He was looking my gentler now, somehow. Must be the setting. “But, I thought you were going to kill me?” There was a short predatory flash in his grin, but then his regular demeanour returned. “I was. And you did die. Your heart had stopped. No breath, no life.” “But how am I? I mean...” “We brought you back before you were too far gone.” “Why?” “Did it feel bad? Did it hurt?” “Well, no, but...” I had to admit. The doctor smiled. “It was necessary to show you that death isn't so bad. It's a lot like falling asleep, and you just wouldn't wake up. Say, do you still fear death?” I had to thought for a moment. I almost started to answer several times but then had to think a bit longer. “I guess... I don't.” The doctor nodded and smiled. “Rest now, later you'll have introduction and orientation.” He started to turn away but then stopped. With a sly grin he turned back and added, “You're going to be busy, before you die again.”