In a warm summer evening in the dead of night, a short little kobold gal sat on the edge of a cliff. Her name was Piko Deguyo and there was nothing she loved more than to steal hordes of treasure. Gold, precious stones, jewels, you know name it, she's stolen it. Piko was a master thief, well, at least in her mind she was. It was not uncommon for her to get caught in the act. Though she usually managed to get away, sometimes she would be captured and forced to spend a few weeks in prison, or in the town stocks to be publicly humiliated by the townsfolk.
She held a telescope in her hands, looking down at a camp at the base of the cliff. About four people sat on logs around a campfire in the middle of the camp, a rowdy bunch that was no doubt drunk off their asses as they laughed and cheered loud enough for the kobold to hear from atop the cliff. On closer inspection, she was able to make out that they were bandits and when there was bandits, there was stolen treasures. Piko drooled at the very thought of what valuables these unsuspecting fools had on them.
The kobold put away her telescope on her sash and began her careful descent down the cliff. She gripped small ledges that poked out of the side of the cliff as makeshift steps, carefully stepping down each one. It was a slippery climb, but nothing the kobold couldn't handle. A little step here, another step there and- *CRACK* the next rock gave way from Piko's weight. The kobold gulped as she began to slide down the cliff. She panicked internally, not wanting to scream and alert the camp to her presence. Her instincts kicked in as she grabbed at everything she could on the cliff side until the thief managed to grip onto a large branch sticking out. 'Well that was lucky' Piko thought to herself.
She looked down and saw she was only a few feet away off the ground. Half a second later, and she would have been one big red mess on the ground. Piko jumped down and crept up behind one of the tents. She peered around the corner to see a stable holding four horses that were fast asleep, could make for a getaway if things get hot. Peeking around the other side of the tent the four bandits were still sitting around and talking in drunken slurs. One of the bandits was a tall and toned oxen man, surely not one to pick a fight with. Across from him was an orange fox guy with an average that held a bottle of rum in his hand. Next to the fox was a chubby grey rat man sloppily chowing down a leg of lamb and lastly an average built gator man staring up into the sky with drunken composure.
A vicious grin beamed across Piko's face, this would be a piece of cake. She laid down on her stomach and crawled around the tent. The kobold poked her head through the flaps and saw a small chest in the back. The thief's heart began to race as she crept up to the chest and opened it. Gold coins, emeralds, ruby's and amethysts were found inside, begging to be stolen. There were enough coins and stones inside to buy a farm! She quickly stuffed the treasures in the sack she held on her sash. First score was a great find, these suckers must have robbed some rich folk that lived in a nearby town.
*grrrooarrmm* Piko's stomach growled aloud. The kobold gulped, they didn't hear that, did they? She poked her head out from under the flaps to make sure the drunken men still had not noticed her. As luck would have it, they were completely oblivious to her presence. Piko sighed in relief, that milk she had at the bar must have been bad, but she couldn't let a minor problem like that stop her from doing what she did best.
The thief crawled out of the tent, past the group of idiots and noticed a luxurious looking white tent. 'That must be the leader's tent' she thought. She crept her way over to the tent and slipped inside. A big wooden chest sat in the middle of the area with a lock preventing it from being open. A simple fix for the kobold with nothing more than a bobby pin and a tension wrench. Within a few seconds, the lock fell from the chest allowing it to be opened. Piko opened the chest slowly to see what valuables it held. Her jaw dropped to the floor at the sight of an incredible sword. Not just any sword, a jewel encrusted sword with a shining silver blade and a thirty CARAT gold handle covered with diamonds, emeralds, sapphires and rubies.
Piko could not believe her find, this sword must be worth a fortune and her greed would not let her leave without it. She reached inside and grabbed hold of the sword by its handle. Piko pulled at the sword, but it would not budge. She pulled again harder, barely nudged an inch. The kobold realized how heavy the damn thing was, she would have to use all her strength to pick it up. She gripped her hands tightly on the blades hilts and planted her feet firmly on the ground before pulling as hard as she could. Her face turned red, her arms strained and her torso tightened up. She grunted as the blade slowly, but surely made its way up. It was nearly out, she just needed another good pull! The thief pulled one last time, putting every bit of her strength to lift it up out of the chest.
BBRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!
A deafening fart expelled from Piko's bowels, the loudest the kobold had ever spewed in her life. "Hey, what was that?" one of the bandits asked. "It came from Breaker's tent!" another called out. 'Shit, shit, shit!' Piko thought, realizing her cover was blown. She needed to bail out as quickly as possible, but there was no way she could ever leave the sword behind! The thief took hold of the hilts and dragged it towards the tent entrance.
"Oi, you!" a voice called out from behind Piko. She turned to see the rat and fox with daggers drawn staring her down. "She's got da boss's sword!" the rat exclaimed. The kobold smiled nervously at them, "H-Hey there fellas!" Piko spoke nervously. "I was just... checking out this nice sword! Yeah! Beautiful craftsmanship." The duo narrowed their eyes and charged the kobold. Piko dropped the sword and moved just in time to avoid getting stabbed and let the two bang heads together. She picked the sword back up and made her way back to the entrance, "Well, gotta run boys! Thanks for all the loot-" Piko was interrupted as she bumped into something hairy and solid.
She looked up to see it was the oxen blocking her escape. His two hefty hands grabbed hold of her shoulders, "Well well well, what do we have here?" he questioned, making Piko drop the sword and ripping the sack off of her sash. "Hey, that's mine!" the kobold called out. The oxen opened the sack to see it filled with gold and precious stones. "Stealing our hard earned loot are ya?" the oxen challenged. "I stole those fair and square!" Piko piped up. The man chuckled as he let the sack drop to the ground.
In front of the chest, the fox and rat stood themselves up and turned to the oxen. "Boss!" the fox called out. "That bitch tried to steal your heirloom!" The oxen man glared down at the little kobold, "Oh she did, did she? You just messed with the wrong bandits, Ms. Deguyo." Piko's eyes shot open, he knew who she was? "That's right, I know exactly who you are. Your picture is plastered in every town in the country." the oxen explained. "Wanted alive for: Robbery, indecency, murder, breaking and entering with a bounty of one million gold pieces that we plan to collect."
The towering man reached back and grabbed some rope off his belt and proceeded to tie up up the little thief, leaving only her feet and head free of restraint. She wiggled around as she was picked up by the oxen, "You are going to make us quite a rich bunch, But first we're going to have a little "fun" with you." he stated. 'Fun? What did he mean by that?' Piko thought to herself. The oxen walked out of the tent, kobold under his arm and his rat and fox lackey's following behind.
The leader walked over to the camp fire with heavy footsteps that caught the attention of the drunken gator. "Leader Breaker! Shure!" the gator sloppily saluted to the oxen. "Get yourself together Croc, we got ourselves a little troublemaker in need of punishing." Breaker announced, laying Piko down length ways on the log the gator sat on. Croc looked down at the thief, "Hey aren't you zat Penko girl from duh posters?" Croc stumbled.
Piko glared harshly at the reptile, "That's PIKO you moron!" the bound kobold snapped. Croc laughed heartily, "Potato, Potato, it'sh whatever. I need to relief myshelf." the gator stated, standing up. Piko's eyes widened at the sight of green scaly ass hovering above her head, "Wait, what are you doing?" she panicked. "Nothing sweetheart, just taking a seat!" he explained before plopping his rump down right on her face. The kobold's screamed were inaudible from beneath his rear, an air tight seal. "Hey, you feel pretty good down there girly." Croc joked, grinding his hindquarters on Piko's face.
The crack of the alligator's ass was humid and stunk of old fish. Her legs kicked and flailed in a desperate attempt to escape her smelly prison to little effect. Croc looked down to the struggling legs of his seat, "Hey, you stop that wiggling, or else!" he threatened, but the kobold refused to listen. The gator's face crinkled up, "Alright then, you asked for it!" he shouted, just before spewing out a bellowing BBRRROOOOOMMPP! right in her face.
The warm stench of the gator's fart violated her nostrils in a flash. 'Gods, his gas smells worse than his butt!' she thought. The air quickly became stale as it was replaced with the gator's fumes. "Told you sho Penko!" Croc sassed, grinding his ass on her face some more. Sounds of spontaneous laughter reached Piko's eardrums as another helping of gas sprayed her in the face. Such awful behavior these bandits had! Nothing like the treatment she had when in jail.
"C'mon mate, let us 'ave a turn yeah?" the rat spouted. Croc was quickly shoved off the log and falling flat on his face. Piko gasped for fresh air as the tainted fumes dissipated. "That.. Was disgusting!" the kobold spat, just as she was lifted off the log by the rat. "If you thought that was bad, get a whiff'o dis!" he taunted, as he brought the kobold down towards his butt and sprayed her directly in the face with his own putrid fishy fart. The surrounding bandits guffawed in unison as she coughed and hacked at the stench.
"That too much for ya missy? Well how about another flavor!" the rat stated, as he dragged the bound thief over to the fox's presented ass and shoved her face right between his cheeks. FFRRAAAPPP! His own filthy toot assaulted her nostrils with its spicy miasma. Laughter continued as the kobold whined and wiggled around in vain as she was forced to inhale all of their toxic gas.
"Get yer bum up against mine, Murray!" the fox demanded. The rat nodded and turned himself about and presenting his great butt once again. Murray slammed his head against the back of Piko's head, trapping her between the two furry asses. They ground their rumps together, digging their stink into the bitch's face all the while her cries for help were muffled by the layers of fat.
PPRROOPPPR!
BBLAAAARRTT!
A duo of farts from the two offenders buffeted Piko with hot air. Their spicy and fishy aroma mixed together to boil her nostrils with their intense heat. "How's bouta 'nother round, Claud?" the rat asked his bandit bud. Claud nodded as he grunted to let out a bassy: PBBRRUUUMMMMBBLLL! Murray followed up with his own: BBRRUURRRPPFFF! They rubbed their hindquarters together before separating their flanks and allowing Piko to fall.
Her eyelids hardly able to stay open from being physically and mentally exhausted. She wheezed for fresh air as her lungs demanded clean air as the bandits laughed at her misery. Breaker leaned down and picked up by her stomach. As he gripped her torso and forced out a: FFRRRTT! From the kobold. While the underlings giggled like school girls, the oxen had an idea.
He laid Piko back down on the log as she was before and shot her a wicked grin while turning to sit on her face. Again the kobold found her face wedged deep in an asscrack. Breaker stood straight up and crossed his arms, waiting for the thief to pass gas again. He did not have to wait long before she spewed out a nasty: PRRBBBRRPPPTT! The oxen smirked and copied her fart with a more impression tune: PBBRAAAAARRPPPTTT!
His subordinates giggled at their boss's impression of the thief. Piko's face burned both from blushing and the warmth of the oxen's farts. Her bowels have never gotten her in so much trouble before, she would never be able to live it down. Piko farted again, and Breaker followed suit with his own: FFRRRAAAPPFFF! Smelling worse than the last and bringing the kobold one step closer to unconsciousness. Each subsequent burst of methane seemed to get sloppier from the kobold thief.
Tears dripped down Piko's face from the disgusting smell of the gas. Piko's stomach growled loudly right before: BBBRRUUUUUMMPBBRRRPP! A greasy expulsion of sulfur exploded out of Piko's bowels, echoing into the night sky. Laughter picked up again as the bandits knew what the boss was about to do next. The oxen grunted as he worked to best Piko's offensive gas with his own. BBBRRAAAAAMMMMMPPPRRRRR!
Piko's eyes were watering like a waterfall at this point, no longer able to endure the gas anymore. As the fart came to a close, Piko passed out with lungs full of rancid toots. The oxen felt his prisoner fall faint to his fumes and stood up. The kobold was still and eyes shut tight. He grinned at the sight of the little thief laying limp on the log, "They don't call me 'Breaker' for nothing." he exclaimed. The other three cheered their leader on for his great performance. He picked up Piko and threw her over his shoulders.
"Alright boys, how's about we go and collect ourselves our big bounty?" he asked, walking over towards the horses. All the others agreed and followed Breaker over to their mounts. Breaker placed Piko on the saddle of his horse, face up. "I'm sure you won't mind if you ride with me, right Ms. Deguyo?" he joked, before climbing on top of his steed and taking a seat right on the kobold's face. The bandits rode off into the night sky, off to the nearby town to collect the massive bounty on her head.
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